//------------------------------// // Chaotic Wedding // Story: Hexed Lives // by Awesomedude17 //------------------------------// Hexed Lives By Awesomedude17 and The P Co -Deep inside the Canterlot Mountain- ‘Well, that could have gone better, dipshit.’ Wilson was confused, that voice was neither German, nor pleasant. ‘Hello? Anozzer blue voice? Vhat are joo doing here?’ ‘What? Who the hell are you, sauerkraut?’ That voice seemed familiar. ‘As Deadpool vould say, RACIST!’ ‘Wait, Deadpool? Who am I even hearing?’ ‘Hello fruend, my name iz Wilson Higgsbury, I can hear jour thoughts at this level of insanity… how are joo doing today?’ ‘Um, not so good.’ ‘HELP! I’M TRAPPED IN MY OWN HEAD! MY NAME IS DAVID AND HE’S HOLDING ME CAPTIVE!’ ‘Shut the fuck up Condition One, I’m David, and you’re just a part of me, the crazy part.’ ‘I vish I could have a separate crazy part, zadly I do not.’ Suddenly, Wilson felt a slightly vibrating object on his hand under the snow. He pulled it out, revealing it to be the device that was playing the song. ‘Vilson, vhat do you zink zis music-playing device is?’ ‘Deadpool called his an ‘iPod’, so I vill call it that as vell.’ There was a few second of pause, and then a source of light shone in the cave. ‘Hey, I think I found a sword.’ ‘Hold on just a second David...*ahem* Hey Wilson, my pal.’ ‘OH CHRIST NO! NONONONONNONONONONONONONONOOO, NEIN NEIN NEIN! ABORT ABORT ABORT MAXVELL NOT VELCOME!’ Wilson flailed around for a few seconds, then he fell down onto his face. ‘What’s wrong pal? Aren’t we friends? I would have thought that you’d have been more happy to see me?’ ‘Happy to zee joo six veet under!’ ‘Maxwell, what the fuck did you do to this guy?’ ‘I sent him camping… forever… and his only objective was to not starve, anyways, Wilson, we have your pretty little sword, if you’d like to make a trade, then we can trade.’ Wilson didn’t care about the sword anymore, he liked this iPod. David smiled, the deal seemed quite fair. ‘Fünf, vier, drei, zwei, eins, null… he’s at zero sanity.’ Wilson’s pupils dilated to pinpricks as the Light Sword’s holy glow illuminated his face, and he began to find a new song to play. “Keep that bullshit! Richtofen is all I need, if you have anything extra though, I’ll take it off your hands.” ‘Hey asshole, this glowy sword is better than your stupid Jackass sword.’ ‘It’s Bastard sword, CO.’ “Zat perfectly describes me, chap, give it here.” Wilson held out his hand. David handed over the bastard sword, and held out his hand for the scabbard to the Light Sword. Wilson nodded, handing it over. “Vell, eet’s nice to zee zat ve can settle zis peacefully, now if you’ll excuse me… YOLOLOLO!” Wilson shouted as he ran out of the cave from the way he came, a new song playing on the iPod. Wilson ran away for several seconds, relieved to only hear his own footsteps, he kept running until he could no longer see David, then he slowed to a walk. ‘Zat was amazingly clever, but what now?’ ‘I vant to SVING!’ Wilson found himself already outside the cave and in Canterlot’s outskirts, he started the song over again. Putting the skills he’d taught himself to use, he began dancing to the swing. -Fifty Feet Away- “Hey boss, look at him.” Shovel Wrench said, pointing at the dancing man on the edge of the construction site. “That’s one’a them hoo-mans, the smart one with the crazy hair and the vest.” Quarry Space figured, watching the scientist/wizard dance. “What do you think he’s here for?” Shovel asked. “None of the workers know, a few of the boys working on the foundation for this here mining base saw him go in there a few hours ago, Sawdust said that he heard him talking about checking on Cerberus an-” “The Guardian of the Gates of Tartarus?” “Yep, and he was singing about Summer too.” “Weird… so is he, supposed to be doing some kind of... dance?” “Maybe, it looks like it.” -Back with Wilson- The dapper man danced with his top hat and fancy cane AD17 had been so nice as to give him for his birthday a few days prior to the Canterlot Mountain trip. ‘Vilson.’ Wilson continued his happy dance. ‘Vilson...’ His mind was repaired as he spun his wand into the air and caught it, casting a spell. “Oh come on and see Me-e-e-entis E-pis-KEY!” He cast, restoring his sanity further. ‘VILSOOOOOOOOOON!’ Making his way down the mountain (which he’d carved a path into) and to the car (which he’d been driven in by Adam), the sane-again scientist found Adam waiting there, smoking a cigar. “Ah, brother Wilson, finally, shall we return to Ponyville?” “Sure, I found this thing down in the cave, and I met this guy… he looked like that agent that attacked Blue Comet, but he didn’t attack me, for some reason.” Wilson pondered that thought, “Either he’s had a change of heart and/or side, or I’m just lucky.” “You’re insane.” Adam replied simply, “Not right now, chap, not right now.” Wilson said as he buckled up while the suited man drove them back home. AD17 looked around in the cold climate, enjoying the cool air. “Yep, this is the life.” ‘Why are you helping me all of a sudden? Weren’t you killing me before we fused or whatever we did?’ AD raised an eyebrow, and looked around. ‘Oh trust me, you’re still an asshole cunt with a motherfucking sorry-ass face, but you’re still me, and I want my body to live, being alive is one of the few things I like.’ AD then saw him. ‘Thanks, I guess...’ ‘So shall we go to Ponyville then? I want to hear the rest of that interesting song.’ He got closer, readying his staff. ‘Bad idea, Blue Comet might be there, and then there are the others in his group, it’d be suicide.’ ‘Like, how many others?’ ‘Total, twelve, maybe thirteen if he’s with those guys.’ ‘He?’ 'Might be me.' AD thought. ‘The other person we got to take care of those people, also, here, it’s been over six months in the same time it’s been one day where we are.’ ‘So, is this a bad time to talk to you guys?’ The man turned around, and AD jabbed the man’s face with his cane, then swung it, knocking him out. AD17 slammed the tip of his cane on the ground, and sighed. “Great, he’s gone rogue, and now he’s out cold. Damon will be pissed.” AD said as he saw his crazy creation. He grabbed the man by the neck, the teleported back to Canterlot with him. -A few hours later, in Ponyville- Ezio leaned back and paused for a moment, thinking, then he continued. “So then, I simply threw Cesare Borgia over the wall, letting gravity do the work.” “That’s pretty cool… I wonder what he was thinking… y’know, what the last thing to go through his head was?” “Probably the stone-brick road.” Ezio suggested with a laugh. The two shared a hearty laugh, then suddenly... *FLASH* Blue Comet disappeared in a flash of golden light. “Mios dio, what the hell?” The master Assassin yelped in surprise, checking the spot where Blue had been. Nothing, he was really gone. “Gone to where, though?” Ezio mused, quickly making his way down to the ground from the roof of the large house that he, Deadpool, Steve, Link, Midna, Chief, and Arbiter lived in. Wilson and Adam had moved into their mansion, and from the insanity going on between the voices in the heads shared with Deadpool and Chief, Arbiter doing his alien stuff, Steve using his Rocket Launcher for just about anything that wasn’t launching rockets (including a walking cane, with the muzzle being the bottom end), it was hell for the renaissance man. “Hey ya big stud- I mean, stuck-up fancy-ass.” Rainbow greeted, blushing slightly at the compliment she almost let out. “While my posterior does get the benefit of wearing fine clothes, I do not believe that it is innately fancy, and I would say that it is stuck-down, since it is also called the ‘bottom’.” Ezio countered with a chuckle. “Yeah, well anyways, where’s my roomie? He’s late on the rent.” She informed, cracking her fetlocks in preparation to smack the agent. “He just disappeared, simply vanished and gone, I believe that he may have been teleported by some sort of divine means, due to the teleportation being made of golden light.” “Well that’s just great, first he’s late on the rent, then he gets teleported to Celestia-knows-where, and I’m just here talking to this saucy idiot.” “I am quite the scholar, Lady Rainbow Dash, so I would be more of a saucy smart-guy.” “Shut up, stupid sexy Istalian.” The cyan pegasus muttered, blushing and turning away from the assassin. “I understand your plight, there have been many ladies like yourself who could not admit their feelings, and I will give you time to sort yourself out, Lady Rainbow.” “Stop calling me that!” She complained, “It’s…” her blush intensified, “...girly.” Rainbow pouted, turning away from the assassin and flying away. Ezio merely chuckled, getting the spectrum-maned mare all flustered and adorable like that was simply too tempting to resist. There was still a problem though, Blue Comet was still gone. “I wonder where he ended up at?” Ezio mused as he began to search for his fellow. “Who knows? All I know is, I caught an agent, let’s all go to Canterlot, bitches!” AD said suddenly, dressed in business attire. Light purple light flashed all around Ezio, and he was suddenly somewhere else. -Canterlot Castle, Throne Room- Celestia, having decided that the capturing of one of their other-versely enemies was far more important than a 1% price increase on kiwi tarriffs, shooed away the diplomats and prepared for the appearance of- *FLASH* The twelve humans and AD. Except one was missing, and another added. “Where is Blue Comet?” She asked, confused at the sudden absence. “I don’t know.” Ezio answered, “He simply vanished in a flash of light.” “Where am I?” The new person asked. “Wait a second, that’s the agent that attacked Blue a few months ago.” John pointed out, recognized the clothes and mask. “He’s dizzy now, I knocked him da fuck out!” AD17 then binded the man into a chair with chains. “He sounds less crazy, that’s a bad sign.” Deadpool knew what crazy sounded like. “Well, he was knocked da fuck out, he’s disoriented!” AD rationalized. “Well, let’s just see who the man behind the mask is.” Harry said, walking up to the man and removing his mask. A blue-eyed man with curly brown hair was what was under the mask. “I met him in a cave, if that helps.” Wilson added. “Yeah, but I have no idea who that is.” Harry remarked. “His name is David Vulakh of Earth 216-17, and he’s a maniac.” “That’s in the Gamma sector…” Harry recalled. “Gamma? What? Am I the Hulk now or something?” David asked, shaking his head. “No, you’re not, CO, wake up cueball.” “I know, for a fact, since I’m the one and only Deadpool, that Gamma humans don’t have access to Marvel comics.” Wade pointed out, right for once. “Ugh, someone shut him up.” David groaned. “He’s fucking ANNOYING!!!” “The nearest universe to Alpha that has Marvel comics is the Delta sector.” Again, Wade was correct. “Well Wade, if you’re right, how does this help us?” “Heyoo.” Steve agreed with Harry. “He may look like that asshole that tried to beat up Blue Comet and kill some of us, but he’s not, or at least his brain isn’t.” Deadpool evaluated. AD17 then had a test. “KMFDM...” AD17 started. “Sucks!” David replied, knowing that band. “Okay, he’s an imposter, CO barely listens to industrial music.” “So he’s not the guy, then who is he?” Adam asked, getting to the point. “I’m from the other world, I think it was Iota-1.” David replied. “No, we’re in Iota-1, you must be from Iota-2.” Wade said, getting closer to David. “Well, if that’s true, then I can help, I’m deep undercover, I’m getting as much info as possible...” “And you assimilated the real CO with the Lusar Codex.” Harry revealed. “... How’d you know?” “It’s an old and powerful wizard’s tome, I cared about it because ‘it was cool’, as my past self said.” “Is it like the Umbra Codex?” Wilson asked. “It’s the light counterpart, written by Lucifer to counter his brother Satan’s work.” “Oh thank goodness, I was worried there for a minute... I heard both are in German from someone...” “Yes, I can read some German... I like the language.” David lied easily. “You are lying.” Chief noted quickly. ‘Hi gray guy!’ ‘Oh god I hoped that this would take longer to happen.’ “Wade, get your fucking head voices out of my head.” David complained. “But I like the sound of your head voices.” ‘Yes, it’s a quite dapper voice, no?’ ‘SHUT THE FUCK UP! FUCK YOU DEADPOOL!’ ‘Geeze, he’s a dick! And not the cultured kind either.’ ‘This is a bit of a clusterfuck.’ ‘Ya think?’ ‘I am sure of it.’ ‘Alright, enough of this!’ ‘I count… Wade and Chief makes 2, 2, 4, 8, 11, 11 voices in all.’ “Yeah, the green voice has a point, and so does the light blue one, shut up!” AD17 yelled out. ‘VILSOOOOOON! LET ME IN!’ Wilson was getting driven insane by all these head-voices flying around. ‘Vunderbar, now zen, vith vier different blue voices, ve shud compress zis converzation to a minimum.’ ‘Ja, sounds like a gut idea, mein fruend.’ ‘Hey, dipshits, give me back my iPod.’ ‘Don’t do it, Wilson, and don’t pretend like you know German either.’ ‘And don’t let him play Dance, make him play Me-’ ‘Compromise, play Hau Ruck.’ ‘Hau Ruck?’ ‘Okay, let’s forget the music for a minute, and let’s all just settle what’s going on...’ “Okay, so what we need to do is ascertain his innocence, Link, THE SWORD!” Deadpool commanded. “Sword?” David asked. “It is the Master Sword, a divine weapon that only pure of heart can touch.” “Those of neutral hearts are harmed, and evil is destroyed.” Ezio recalled his own ‘test’. ‘Umm, I’ll just go before he touches you with that blade... good bye.” The blade was laid on the back of David’s hand. ‘Oh God, it’s burning me!’ David winced at a slight pinching feeling, but merely shook his head. “Yeah, that’s the good stuff.” David said, actually finding himself enjoying the sensation. Link raised his eyebrows, and pulled back. “Okay, that’s new.” ‘There is a lot of room in here.’ ‘Yeah, I clean it out regularly.’ ‘Unlike his suit.’ ‘I didn’t need to know that.’ ‘So I just realized, I can still hear you guys from here, it’s a big crystal place that I’m in.’ ‘Oh yeah, me too.’ ‘GAH! Filtzy American svinehund ist blue just like me! ‘Same here… and for a few hours, I thought that I was safe.’ ‘Hours? It’s been, like, almost 5 minutes here.’ ‘Enough of this rainbow, I have to edit this later.’ ‘Don’t spoil the epilogue!’ ‘I didn’t know that I was being a problem… I hate being connected to you idiots.’ AD slammed the tip of his cane on the floor, causing a loud explosion sound. “Alright, let me do something real quick.” AD pushed his hand into Wade’s skull, then swirled it around a bit, then pulled out a thin, tall man in a dapper suit, and threw him across the room. “There, annoyance removed, and now we watch the resulting action.” Maxwell shook his head, and then saw Wilson draw his sword, and dash after him. “BEGONE FOUL MASTER OF DARKNESS!” Wilson shouted, raising his bastard sword and chasing after the diminished Umbra Lord. “DAMN YOU ALL!!!” Maxwell went into the shadows, and disappeared. Wilson found himself annoyed beyond belief. “BLOODY HELL! I almost had him!” Wilson shouted, punching the space that Maxwell had been standing in. “So, that was...” Adam trailed off, deciding that this madness wasn’t worth it. “Maxwell, last name is not Atoms.” AD replied. “Uh, let me go?” David asked. “Okay.” Deadpool said, shooting out the ropes. Master Chief slapped Deadpool upside the head and pulled his pistol on David, keeping him sitting in the chair. “You may be innocent, but we aren’t done here.” Chief informed in a warning tone. “Yeah, but the enemy of my enemy-” David was cut off by a snarling sound. “It cuts both ways, human.” Arbiter replied, snarling. “... You look funny.” Was David’s only response. “I am a Sanghelli, the Elite to the English tongue, we are a proud race of warriors, in but a mere two seconds, I could cut you into fours.” Arbiter drew his dual Energy Swords. “Oh... okay.” David looked at Harry. “Listen, if you let me go, I’ll tell you everything I know so far.” “...Should we?” Harry asked the group. “Tell us what you know first, then we’ll let you go.” Chief said, lowering his pistol. “Okay, so you know Agent 4?” “Blue told me of her, she is one of the best agents, and part of a group called Division W9.” Ezio recalled. “And she’s an alternate Rarity, a guy named Michael told me about her past, briefly, I might add, but still.” “Wait, what?” Soldier was picking his nose at the time. “Blue did mention something about that.” “Also, this guy runs-” “Damon, we know.” “Okay... I also noticed that their weapons are rather basic, Five-seveNs, Kalashnikovs, RPGs, reliable weapons for the most part.” “I saw an agent with a device, I have it here.” Wilson pulled out the liquid nitrogen sprayer. “That I haven’t seen before... but it looks like Liquid Nitrogen, very cold stuff.” “She froze almost solid from the neck down, right before I put so much lightning through her that her head exploded.” “Wait, Wilson, did you...” Harry stopped himself. “Yes, she was planning to kill me, so why not?” Wilson replied. ‘Exactly!' “Okay, I keep hearing a hammy German guy, who the hell is that?” David moaned out. ‘AH! Mein attempts at hiding mein voice have been all for nought! I am Doktor Richtofen.’ “Nikolai mentioned you once.” ‘REALLY!!!’ “Yeah, he hates you for trying to suck him up for a drink.” ‘Ridiculous, I vanted to hit on him, he has a good arse, ja?’ “And he’s gay, brilliant. Nothing against gays, it’s just, he’s seems, off.” “You know, it wasn’t until I was a man that I realized that people had a problem with gays, one of my uncles is gay, and all I really knew about it that was ‘odd’ was that he would talk about his boyfriend instead of his girlfriend… but we’re getting off topic here.” Harry said, pulling off his glasses for a second and clearing his eyes. “Yes, we are... as for my crew of misfits, we got eleven others. Nikolai is a former soldier for the Red Army, and a terrible alcoholic.” “Hmm...” Chief hummed. “Then there’s Albert, I don’t know much, but he seems a bit pessimistic. Mentioned Alcatraz too.” “He might be a criminal… or a guard… either or.” Deadpool mused. “Yeah, and then there’s Michael.” “Yes, I met him.” Harry mused. “And his new friend, Steve?.” “Heyoo?” Steve hummed. “Steve??” Chief asked. “Yeah, he’s blocky, for some reason. Then there’s Stryker, a SWAT officer, and his partner, Dovahkiin.” “SWAT huh?” “Wait, Dovahkiin, I met him with Wade a few months ago.” Chief noted. “You met the legendary Dragonborn, where?” Celestia asked. “At Sweet Apple Acres.” Chief answered. “Yeah, he’s like, a ten-year-old boy.” Deadpool added, “Did you add him to Facebook?” “I don’t have Facebook, I prefer tumblr and Twitter.” David replied, annoyed. “WHAT!” “Getting off track, there’s also Lee, a half-zombie man.” “How is one a half-zombie?” Chief knew the tales of the zombies. “He’s still able to control himself, but as of now, he has nails about the size of steak knives, and can leap entire bounds.” “Sounds dangerous.” Soldier noted. “I’d wrestle him.” “Yeah, and he might also have some sort of super-long tongue, I saw him a couple of times patrolling the city.” “Hmm, Gene Simmons like tongue?” “Yeah, sure, whatever, and there’s his fat friend, Coach.” “Who names their kid Coach? OH WAIT! Ponies would, maybe.” Wade laughed. “It’s likely a nickname, he’s carries around a shotgun, but seems to just be a normal human otherwise.” “Interesting.” Midna nodded. “GAH! WHO THE-?!” David freaked out at the sight of the imp “Oh wow, he’s even more jumpy than Harry.” “Geeze woman, don’t scare a man who is strong enough to break an arm with little effort!” “The people?” Link asked, keeping the conversation on track. “Right, there’s also a dragon, Spyro, he’s quadrupedal, and purple.” “Hmm, he’s almost like Spike.” Harry noted. “Apparently he’s supposed to be some Spike guy, like I’m supposed to be like Rarity, or something.” It hadn’t really been made very clear to David on the nature of that appearance. “Right, wasn’t there suppose to be two more.” “There’s this guy, who calls himself, ‘The Postal Dude.’ That guy’s a sociopath.” Soldier turned around, feeling something... He saw some red near the door, and pulled out his shovel. “And then the worst of us all, Trevor Phillips.” “Trevor Phillips?” Chief asked. “How’s he the worst?” Celestia asked. “The man’s a- “YAAAAAAHHHHH!” Soldier let loose a battlecry, running towards the discoloration on the door to the throne room. Unfortunately, he tripped over the Dispenser, and upon smacking his head on the ground, he vanished like a blink, no flashes of light or portals or anything. “Huh, now that I look at that from an outside perspective, it looks fucking weird.” Postal Dude said, walking towards the group, “So I tripped over some random rock-candy-pony on the way to the 1st Player Army Training Grounds, and now I’m here.” He explained. “Oh, there’s The Dude there... anyway, about Trevor-” “Hold on, so I’m in another world right now?” The Dude asked the group. Most of them aimed their guns at him. “Hey, I’m not even exercising my Second Amendment rights, you fucking communists.” “Don’t worry, he may hate everything, but he’s on our side.” David assured. “I figured that I like being alive, so I’ll stick with you all for a bit.” Dude added. “Alright, so about Trevor...” Wade asked. “Alright, you know the most despicable person you think of?” “Thanos…” Wade growled. “Voldemort.” Harry growled. “The Prometheans.” Chief growled. “Ganondorf.” “Zant.” “The cops.” Adam scowled. “Maxwell.” Wilson snarled. “The Templars...” Ezio said with great hidden anger. “Yes, and Trevor could say ‘fuck you’ to all of them, rip their guts out, strangle them with said guts, piss all over them, then go back to home to take several hits of meth right before killing hundreds in a blind rage, then probably doing suicidal stunts in his underwear. He’s fucking dangerous man, he could be the one who could kill Damon without trying.” “BULLSHIT!!!” Wade yelled out. “He wears a stained white muscle shirt and dirty blue jeans.” “NOT BULLSHIT!!!” Wade remembered Trevor from the time he got his skill stomped to mush. “And he tortured Agent 4 for info. I know, I helped.” The Dude piped up. “You tortured her!?” Wilson yelled out. “Well, I helped, I didn’t really do much besides hand Trevor a can of gasoline and a rag.” “Gasoline?” Adam raised an “And smashed her leg with a large monkey wrench.” “Engie does that to people who catch him by surprise.” Soldier said, not really understanding the gravity of the situation. “Weren’t you gone a minute ago?” “Oh yeah right.” Soldier disappeared again. “Is this some kind of running gag?” David asked “Pretty much.” AD17 said, twirling his cane around. “And you’re the guy who ‘knocked me da fuck out’?” David asked, raising an eyebrow to the business-like god-figure. “Yep.” AD17 said, humming a tune. “You know, I don’t blame you.” “And that’s how we know he’s ultimately innocent!” Deadpool brought that point up again. “But you’re an asshole, nonetheless.” “I retract my previous statement!” “Is there anyone else in your Equestria to note?” Chief asked. “Aside from the elements, there’s also this couple who rule this place, The Crystal Empire.” “I mean humans.” Chief clarified. “Hmm... P1 was his name.” “Oh shit, not him.” AD facepalmed. “Did you say, The Crystal Empire?” Celestia asked. *BANG* “What was that?” Arbiter took out his Needle Rifle. “Untie me again.” David asked firmly. “Alright, but I’m holding you at gunpoint, just in case.” “That supposed to make me feel good?” David said as his bonds was released, and was put into the grasp of Chief. “No, it’s not.” Chief informed bluntly. The group approached the area where the explosion came from. *BANG* “You skirt-wearing women are not...” *Amazingly Powerful Kick!!!* “AAAAAHHHH-OMPH!!!” *CRASH!!!* A guard crashed through one of the walls, unconscious and probably dead. Then came two more humanoids, wearing full Organization gear. One was wearing a pale green mask with orange goggles, her boots seemed to have some sort of rocket-mechanism or explosive devices on them. The other woman was wearing a pale red hockey mask with blue goggles instead, with obviously crimson-dyed straight hair hanging down her head. “Let him go.” One of them ordered in a low growl. “Agents, help me out here, now!” ‘Oh, they are here! Agents Crushed Sauce and Crimson Gravel’ Crushed Sauce raised one foot. ‘Crushed Sauce?’ ‘Retarded, I know, it’s because applesauce.’ And I thought Hells was unimaginative. A shockwave flew from the sole of her boot, hitting the group hard. David stumbled towards the duo, and then took a Thumper from Crushed Sauce. “About time you fucking showed up.” David aimed at Deadpool, and fired. Crimson Gravel giggled like a schoolgirl as she sprayed napalm from a wrist-mounted shooter, making a flaming barrier between the three agents and the eleven humans. The Dude was hit, and was burning. He promptly zipped down his pants, leaned back, and let nature go, pissing himself out. “OOOOHHH, YEEAAAH!!!” “Fuckin’ gross.” Crushed Sauce scowled. “Twinkle, twinkle, little star… how I wonder what you are, up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky.” Crimson sang as she pulled out a cyan orb and threw it towards Celestia, launching her through the roof. David looked around the hallway, and saw the room labeled ‘Evidence’ and kicked open the door. “What’re ya doin’!” “Getting my shit, shut up!” David went in, and saw the familiar weapons he had before getting knocked out, and grabbed them all. “Ring around the rosy.” Crimson sang as the humans recovered from the massive explosion, pouring a rose-red fluid on the ground in a circle. “Geeze, she’s crazier than me!” Deadpool yelled out. “A pocket full of posie.” She sang, dropping posie leaves on the ground and pulling out a lighter. “Ashes, ashes, we all fall down!” The Dude fired a napalm rocket at Crimson, who kicked it away through a window, and scowled. “Ashes, ashes, we all fall down!” She sang more menacingly, dropping the lighter and letting it fall onto the posie petals. The flames went up to the ceiling, with electricity arcing through the air towards them all, and the group went backwards to avoid the fire. “Fall back, temperature readings reaching critical heights.” Cortana warned. Chief knew that the critical height was about 4000 degrees fahrenheit, so whatever this substance was, it was highly advanced. “Alright, stop singing nursery rhymes, and let’s go, Agent 4’s in danger, and we need help to kill these fuckers!” David ordered the two, raising his MP5’s. “Oh, it’s raining luggage, and babies, and limbs, and daddy doesn’t come home!” Crimson sang, pulling out a toy airplane and throwing it at the floor. The throne room promptly blew the fuck up, the roof launching over a hundred feet into the air and crashing down somewhere in the guards’ training grounds, narrowly missing a group of new recruits and making them run away with liquid fear running down their legs. David kicked out a window, and readied a parachute. “That’s a reference to 9/11, in case you were wondering.” The cheery-voiced agent said. “Yeah, yeah, whatever, fucking crazy bitch.” David jumped out, and soon pulled the zipcord. “Well, what can you expect from the Element of Laughter?” Pinkie asked, throwing a few more grenades into the mix. “Laughter and Honesty are not what I am, you two.” “True.” Applejack said, following the same idea as David. Pinkie, however, was wearing a heavily fire-proofed suit, and had no problems in the heat of the inferno she’d caused. She stayed behind to make sure that her frenemies were not okay. “Are we dead? I feel like we’re dead.” Wilson asked, his eyes clenched shut. “No we aren’t, soldier, now stop your whining.” Chief said, relieved that nobody had been left out of the bubble shield. Crimson found the group amidst the smoke, and readied her molotov cocktails. “Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water~!” She sang, lighting the rag with the fire raging right outside the shield. “Shit.” “You won’t hurt my friend!” A new voice shouted. Just as Pinkie threw the crude fire bomb, a shadowy creature grabbed the crew and flew out the window. She scowled as the shadow creature flew out. “GRAH, I wasn’t DONE PLAYING YET!!!” Pinkie stomped the ground in frustration, and then decided to run off to regroup with AJ and CO. -The edge of he Everfree Forest- The Druid Mistress touched down, dismissing her shadowy summons with a pat on the head. The group found themselves confused and worried. She thanked all of her elemental friends for helping her get the group out safely. The humans soon saw her, and readied their weapons. “Who are you?” Adam demanded. “They call me The Druid Mistress, but don’t worry, I’m a friend.” “How?” Ezio asked. “Well mister Ezio, why don’t you use your Eagle Vision?” Ezio stopped for a second, ‘How does she know-’ he figured that that wasn’t important right now, and focused. The world went dark, and he saw that this woman was covered in a bright blue aura. “Why I didn’t do this earlier, I do not know… or maybe I did…” He remembered a few flashes of imagery shortly before they escaped, a blue man and two red women. “The point is, those two, Crushed Sauce and Crimson Gravel, they’re broken, and... they need help...” The Druid turned away, seemingly ready to cry. “Those two agents who powerhoused their way into BLOWING UP THE THRONE ROOM?! THEY NEED HELP?!?!” WIlson cried out in disbelief. “It’s not their fault, they’ve been corrupted by Damon, he broke them, he threatened their families, then he... he...” She broke down, and began to cry, sliding to her knees, then to the ground, curling up in a fetal position and sobbing. She’d held back her tears for a long time, and now they finally flooded forth. Link was at her side soon enough, “Just stay strong and tell us.” “Element of Kindness indeed.” Celestia said as she descended to the group, finally returning from her trip to the stratosphere. “Well… I mean, it helped me resist and all, but…” Fluttershy continued her crying for several more seconds, letting the poisonous feeling drain out. “What? The Element of Kin-... wait a bloody second...” Harry reached forward tentatively and removed the mahogany mask from the agent’s face. A butter-yellow furred face with turquoise eyes filled with sadness, regret, and a hidden wrath greeted them all. “Fluttershy? But…” Wade couldn’t even. “Damon took each of us from different versions of anthropomorphic Equestria’s deciding to spread the ruin he’d put them through as far as possible… he’s a cruel bastard like that. When he came to me, he’d forced me to kill my best friend, and then went on and killed the others himself, I was forced to join, forced to take on these powers.” She removed her pale green gloves, revealing that the backs of her hands each had a colored six-pointed star tattooed into them. Earth, Air, Fire, Water, Spirit, and Darkness were written on the arms of the stars, a sort of instruction system in case she may have faced amnesia. “It’s pretty hellish, I have to say, but the pay was good and the benefits were great, but I just couldn’t be so cruel to others like that, so my Element helped me resist… same with Rainbow Dash.” The pink-haired woman explained, putting her gloves back on. “So if you and this agent group’s Rainbow Dash were the only ones to resist, then Rarity and Twilight Sparkle were also corrupted.” Celestia inferred. “Yes, Crushed Sauce is Applejack, she could take a 12.7x41mm round to the head and come out unscathed.” “That’s the caliber of my pistol.” John noted. “You have a S&W500 caliber pistol? Where do I get one?” Deadpool asked. “It’s standard issue for the UNSC Space Marines.” “S&W? Smith and Wesson? I might have to invest in them when I get back.” “In addition to gold, friend.” AD17 said, appearing above the group on a large, fancy couch, dressed in a rich man’s relaxation wear. AKA a bathrobe, fez, pipe, and slippers. “Oh, hello there escapee 3, David.” Fluttershy greeted in a depressed tone. “Wait, WHAT? But I thought that-” Deadpool was confused. “I based David on myself, yes.” AD17 replied, “My friend must be escapee 2, Evan?” “Yes, and we don’t talk about escapee 1, Lucifer.” “Lucifer escaped the Organization mothership?” “Lucifer was captured in the first place?” “Yes, we call him the Taint Master, because of his abilities to tempt anyone into doing anything, and he was supposed to get Thor corrupted and sent after you… but…” “THOR ODINSON SHALL NEVER BE SWAYED!” Thor shouted as he appeared out of a bolt of lightning. And the thunder that followed right after. *BOOM* “Sorry about that.” Thor apologized, raising his fist and casting an electrified blessing on everyone present. “Thor, where’s your hammer, Moaner?” Deadpool asked. “Mjolnir, was captured by the Organization and stored in an unknown universe, I do not know where. However with this,” He pulled out the spear that Odin used as a staff, “...I can retain my powers.” “Nice, and nice to see that you kept your Chris Hemsworth look.” Wade noted with a hand on one hip and a finger tracing an outline of Thor’s figure in midair. “Yes, alright, so… with the great Gungnir, I can help you… I understand that you, Master Chief, have a reverence for me.” “Yes, it is an unbelievable honor to meet a god like yourself.” “Yes… take some lightning like the Man of Iron did.” Thor raised the staff and cast a bolt of lightning at Chief. “Chief, suit power levels at 499% full.” Chief prompted Cortana to install the Overdrive functions and the Hand Cannon attack, sacrificing his Spartan Laser for it. “Alright, if you will excuse me, friends, I bless you with good tidings and no harm from storms, I must return to Asgard, for without its ruler, it will become chaos.” The large human-shaped god raised his staff to lightning-teleport away, but then remembered the shockwave that would follow, and decided rather to spin his staff to fly off into the clouds instead. “Okay, bye Thor, and thanks for the willingness to support us.” Deadpool called out to his fellow Marvel hero. “Well, that was certainly something.” Fluttershy remarked, flapping her wings and standing up again. “Out of curiosity and science, how are you able to speak at a normal volume whilst the full-pony Fluttershy speaks twice the volume of a whisper all of the time?” Wilson asked, for science. “I just, sort of… stopped doing it, I had to be strong to survive in the Organization, and so I spoke louder and louder until I finally just spoke at the same volume that others do, makes sense?” “Makes sense.” The messy-haired scientist/wizard replied. “Well, I believe that that is enough of this little exposition, we truly should get back to our work with finding out how to turn to the offensive against the Organization. We will help you, Druid Fluttershy, however we will need help from you to fight off the evil Applejack and Pinkie Pie agents.” Ezio assured, helping Fluttershy up. “Crushed Sauce and Crimson Gravel are their codenames.” The sniffling agent revealed, wiping away her tears. “HAHA, that first one sounds retarded, why is she called that?” Deadpool asked, laughing at the name. “Because of applesauce, that’s really the only reason.” Fluttershy explained briefly, that was literally all there was to it. “Applesauce?” Link queried. “It’s like a sauce, made of apples… that’s it, that’s legit all there is to it.” Wade answered. ‘Roll call!’ ‘Chief took a good shock to the noggin with Thor’s lightning.' ‘I am still Justice.’ ‘And I’m still Randomness.’ ‘I can still hear you guys from all the way in Iota-2 ‘I’m not in Iota-2, whatever that is, but I can still hear you idiots.’ ‘Hold on, I think I can-*CRRK*-make this a little less confusing by going silver.’ ‘AH! That dark evil guy is back!’ ‘No you idiot, Maxwell was a darker gray.’ ‘Oh, okay then… so you can hear us?’ ‘I think I can listen to just about anyone’s thoughts, Richtofen gave me that power.’ ‘VILSOOOOOON! LOSE SOME SANITY!’ “I will overlook the reparations for Canterlot Castle, you all should continue to prepare for both directions of assault between us and the Organization, either them to us, or us to them.” Celestia instructed, flapping her wings and getting into a hover. She gave one last look to the group, a very serious look. “Mister ‘The Dude’, you should find a way to get back to your group.” She instructed the red-headed man. “I’m already back.” The Dude said, immediately disappearing without any special effects. “Again with a sudden disappearance… this is getting ridiculous.” Ezio facepalmed. “Not as ridiculous as these-” Deadpool started. -A couple of weeks later- “-RANDOMLY-TIMED SCENE TRANSITIONS!” Deadpool finished, startling the others with his sudden outburst. “Deadpool, why have you said this, amico? It has been two weeks since you last spoke, and it was one of the top 5 best two week periods of my life.” Ezio reminisced, it was so peaceful… so many glasses of wine that didn’t get spilt because of Wade’s startling outbursts. “Wait, what? Oh shit, right, I forget that I still have to talk between these transition things.” “Transitions?” Link inquired. “You can’t see them because you’re stuck behind the fourth wall, but the past couple of weeks will go unread by the viewers at home… so what’s the plot today?” “I have found that the term ‘plot’ refers to… well I will stop there, but I must say that I very much enjoy plots.” Ezio smirked behind his wine glass. “Oh yeah, by the way, Ezio, can you go pick up some more beers? We’re out.” Wade called out from the fridge, finding that the box was empty. “I have not drank any of your ‘beers’, I have my wine, which nobody touches but me.” “It’s like a red potion, but without the health benefits.” Link summed up the cold amber drink well. “Right… so the answer is still no, I will say that the last person to drink one should get more.” “John is doing that now, Wade wasn’t paying attention.” Arbiter informed. “I should inform the girls that you spoke, among other things that I should do….I will be back later.” “The girls? Do you have a fanclub or something?” “No, those little fillies who go around ‘crusading’ for their cutie marks, I’ve been feeding them useless information so that the Templars of this world do not get any information that will help them take us down.” “Um, Ezio, I don’t think that everyone who ‘crusades’ is a Templar, they’re just young little girls, are you sure that you’re not just being paranoid?” “Link, amico, you raise a valid point, but it is better to be safe than to be sorry.” Ezio said as he walked out of the house and parkoured down the street. “Oh, we’re on the Ponyville Confidential episode, where they take on the identity of Gabby Gums and publish false stories about the Mane 6, and learn that people have secrets, and they don’t like those secrets being aired.” Deadpool recalled that episode. “Well, I would never tell people’s secrets via this ‘newspaper’ thing, not only is it morally wrong to betray someone’s trust like that, the newspaper seems strange and sporadic to me.” Link grimaced at the thought, he may have been a genius when it comes to solving problems, but he couldn’t even work out how to even open the newspaper. “Yeah… so y’know what Link, we should go on a train ride, just for fun.” Deadpool grabbed the green-clad man and teleported to the train station. “I have been tempted to attempt to drive a train, after seeing Adam and Wilson with their ‘car’ vehicle and how much fun it seems like.” “Y’know Link, I think you’d make a great train conductor, let’s go!” Wade cheered, dragging the smaller man over to the ticket master The two were recognized by the ticket master, and were waved on without hesitation, Princess Celestia herself had made special note that ‘The humans who are helping us’ were to be given free admission to all means of public transportation, the note had come with a set of pictures of the humans themselves. The two got on the train and headed towards Canterlot. -A week or so later- “We’re going to Canterlot!” Deadpool cheered to the others. “It seems like just yesterday we were going to Canterlot for the fun of it.” “Actually, it was a week or so ago, Linkara.” Wade pointed out. “Could you run the reason we’re going to Canterlot by me again?” Harry requested, the whole situation hadn’t been very clear. “Harry, don’t you remember earlier?” Twilight recalled. -Half an hour ago- The group had gathered together for a picnic. Wilson and Harry were enjoying some delicious treacle taffies that Pinkie had made. Ezio and Link were drinking tea with Rarity and making small-talk. Chief was alternating between eating a sandwich and looking around the fields for any agents that might try to pick one of them off from a distance. He saw a black mass in the distance, shuffling towards them. Standing up and looking through the scope of his sniper rifle, he saw that it was some sort of bug-pony hybrid. “Everyone, we have an unidentified creature approaching.” “Weird, judging from the sun, Spike’s late to the picnic.” Deadpool mused, knowing that Spike was carrying the ‘Plot Coupon’ that would start this whole process off. “Spike? Oh no, I forgot to get him, I bet he probably thinks we’re crummy friends for not bringing him along for our picnic.” “ATTENTION EVERYONE! UNIDENTIFIED CREATURE APPROACHING!” John repeated forcefully, jogging over to the stumbling creature. The bug-pony collapsed to the ground, “*cough* Five *cough cough* words, watch out for *cough cough, blegh*” It stopped breathing, dead. “Well that was horrifying.” Adam said flatly, suppressing his emotions. “I’ll move this thing out of the way then.” Chief said, picking up the dead creature and sprinting off to the Everfree Forest. “Um… okay then, that was a thing.” Twilight spoke for all of the Mane 6 with that statement. “That was a thing, a bloody weird thing.” Harry spoke for all of the humanoids with that statement. Spike came running towards the group, a pair of letters in his hand. “You know, through all of my head-trauma that I’ve suffered, I’ve forgotten almost everything important about what I know.” Wade whispered to Chief. “Well I never knew it in the first place, so we’re both equally blind as to what’s going to happen.” John replied to Deadpool. “Twi*huff*light, letter for *huff* you.” Spike managed through his labored breaths. Twilight levitated the letter closer to her up and opened it. “To my faithful student, Twilight Sparkle. First, I’d like to inform you that the reparations to Canterlot Castle are complete. Next, as I’m sure that you’re as excited about the big wedding that will soon occur in Canterlot, I’ve compiled a list of tasks that you, your friends, and the humans should complete. Twilight, I want you to be the head manager of the preparations, make sure everything goes smoothly. Rarity, I want you to make the dresses for the bride and her bridesmaids-” The self-reading letter was interrupted. “I get to make the dresses? Oh my, what an honor.” Rarity said with reverence. The letter resumed reading itself, “Rainbow Dash, your Sonic Rainboom would be the best way to end off the ceremony, so be prepared with that.” “Sonic Rainboom for the ceremony finisher? Best, wedding, EVER!” Rainbow did the ‘so awesome’ face. Ezio felt his heart melt a bit at the sight, it was absolutely adorable. “Fluttershy, your bird choir skills are unmatched, so conduct a bird choir. Applejack, the Apple Family’s cooking is talked about even in the halls of the castle, so it would be a delight if you were to head the food preparations. Pinkie Pie, what’s a party without you? Not a good party, that’s what, do the decorations and organization for the after-party. Spike, since I know that you wish to participate more in these important types of things, you will be the general manager, helping everyone else do their best. Harry Potter, the magi of Canterlot have sensed a disturbance, and your skills would be of great help to them. Wilson, you should help Harry with the magi. Ezio, Link, and Adam, your parkour skills would be of great use in the preparation of not only decorations, but in Adam’s case, efficiently helping Master Chief assist in military organization. Master Chief, if you weren’t listening to the previous line, I want you to assist in commanding the Canterlot military for the duration of the event, as I understand that you hold the highest of ranks in your universe’s military.” “It’s true, but it’s nothing worth noting.” Chief dismissed humbly. “Link, in addition to helping Ezio with general decorating, there has been a threat voiced against all of Canterlot, and your skills in dealing with widespread threats will be of dire need.” “Oh my, that’s serious.” Twilight said, right before activating the self-reading again. “Arbiter, help Chief. Adam, your leadership skills, as denoted by the successfulness of your career in ‘mafia affairs’ (I shall not spout your secrets like a common gossiper) will prove useful, you will find a pony named ‘Vital’ in the Royal Dungeon, he will help you. Deadpool, don’t blow anything up, unless it’s a bad guy.” “Aww, oh well, I can deal with it.” He put sunglasses on, “Blowing up bad guys is fun, because they deserve it.” “Soldier, if you’re back, follow John’s orders.” Soldier wasn’t back. “Midna, help Harry and Wilson, your understanding of light and dark types of magic will not only help the short-term goals of finding out who threatened Canterlot, but also in revealing secrets about those two elements of magic, both of which are tied for the least-known-about types of magic there are currently. If Blue Comet is back, help the group doing the military commanding.” Blue Comet wasn’t back either. “Steve, do the same as Deadpool.” “Heyoo!” Steve protested. “I wish you all the best of luck. Signed, yours truly. ~ Princess Celestia.” “So, the self-reading letter, was anyone else both bloody confused and intrigued by that?” Harry queried. A general agreement was the response from the others. “Okay, so who’s wedding is it?” Wilson asked, bringing everyone out of their stupor. “I was wondering that myself, there’s no mention of it.” Twilight turned the letter every-which-way and nothing said anything about it. “I know.” AD17 said, dressed in the dapper purple pinstripe suit he seemed to always like. “Whose wedding is it?” “Ask your brother, or your old babysitter.” Was his response. “Well, that’s the thing, maybe I should have given you this letter first.” Spike said sheepishly, handing over the other letter. AD looked over it, and deadpanned. “Oh, alright...” “What does it say?” “Read it.” AD handed it to Twilight. “Alright, *ahem* We, the Canterlot Royal Commissions Office, are delighted to formally invite you to the wedding of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and-” She stopped, lowering the letter. “Yep, Shining Armor, Captain of the Royal Guard.” “My brother.” Twilight said flatly, her whole mood turning around. “Ding ding, we have a winner, I’mma go meet them right now.” AD lowered his head to Chief, and whispered to him. Chief nodded, and whispered to Arbiter, who nodded as well. “Well come on, let’s get to the train station and head off to Canterlot.” Deadpool said cheerily. “Hold on guys, I... just need a minute.” Twilight said, feeling a bit betrayed at the moment. She let that feeling of betrayal stew for a bit, and she frowned. The frown deepened into a grimace, and she turned away from the group, summoning up her magic and fuelling it with hatred. A black, purple, and sickly-green bolt of energy flew towards a nearby tree, turning it into ashes. “I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS! SOMETHING THIS IMPORTANT, AND HE DOESN’T BOTHER TO TELL ME ABOUT IT?!?!?” “Well, let’s see what could have happened for the past few months, oh yeah, we all almost died, a lot of times.” AD replied. “But he couldn’t at least stop by to say, ‘Hey Twilight, I’m getting married!’, NO, apparently he couldn’t.” Twilight did a pretty good impression of her brother. “Well, you have some point, he could’ve at least told you he was dating Cadenza.” “Yeah, and another thing, who the hay is this Princess Mi Amore Cadenza?” “Well, since I’m from another universe that sees over this kind of thing, I say, just get on the damn train lady!” AD17 yelled, pointing at the train. Twilight hadn’t noticed that they’d even been teleported to the train station, “You’re a big jerk, you know that? A Grade-A dickface.” “I know, I try. You know why, because most of these human I have to talk to, big douches. Let’s go.” The maniac said as he march onto the train. And so they got on the train. -Present- Twilight had calmed down a great deal since then, and had actually stopped grimacing. “Well, I agree, David’s a dick!” Deadpool said. “Oh yes, indeed.” Wilson nodded. “And maybe that Evan guy that the Druid Fluttershy Agent Woman told us about.” Arbiter added. “Wait, what?” Was the collective response of the whole Mane 6. “Well ladies, that attack on Canterlot a week or so ago was by two agents, Crushed Sauce and Crimson Gravel.” Chief informed. “The former name’s the stupidest name I ever heard.” Twilight said. “Ah agree, who in their right mind would call themselves ‘Crushed Sauce.’?” Applejack asked. “You would, AJ, it’s another universe’s version of you.” Chief informed. “Wait, what?” AJ blurted out. ‘Wait, they were... Ah think Ah need another smoke later.’ “Well, we captured a higher-up agent named Condition One, who turned out to be a friend in disguise.” “I know because both my Eagle Vision and Link’s Master Sword ascertained his innocence.” Ezio piped up. “Is that so, then what happened to the real Condition One?” Rainbow Dash inquired. “In another Equestria, there’s another group of humans, or most of them are humans… one of them was another universe’s David, he used a spell in a book called the Lusar Codex to assimilate Condition One into his own body and mind.” Harry explained. “And so, then we were attacked and he left with Crushed Sauce and Crimson Gravel, the latter of which was a creepy crazy bitch who the other agent said is Pinkie Pie from another Equestria.” “WHAT!!!” Pinkie Pie yelled out. “Yeah, she sung these nursery rhymes, and used a lot of fire.” Deadpool recited from memory, “Don’t worry, best pony, she wasn’t you, really, she was more Pinkamena, but it Pinkamena were more psycho-killer than prude bitch.” “Right, and our inside friend, an agent who is another Fluttershy, told us all of this.” Wilson concluded. “Oh, I don’t know whether or not to be happy, or scared.” Fluttershy shied away from the group. “Oh you should be proud, not only did the agent you resist the corruptive influence of that ‘Damon’ guy, she has some sort of element-based magical powers, and with those, she saved us from a fiery and painful death.” Adam commended. “She stayed steady up until she told us about the agent versions of Applejack and Pinkie Pie, she wants to save them from the corruption of Damon’s influence, but she can’t do it alone, and with any luck, the agent form of Rainbow Dash will help us, or help our Iota-2 allies.” Harry explained. “The agent me fought against that Damon guy’s influence too? Awesome, I knew I’d be too cool to be all evil like that jackass.” Rainbow Dash flexed her forelegs and looked at her muscles, “I bet the agent me is a total badass too… hey~, what about the agent Rarity and Twilight?” “Apparently, Agent 4, the one who Blue Comet fought with briefly, is the Organization’s version of Rarity, and there is no information on the Organization’s Twilight.” Ezio revealed. Twilight gulped, an unknown enemy was more frightening than a known enemy. You can do anything you put your mind to. But you can’t put your mind to defeating an enemy that you don’t know anything about. And if she couldn’t put her mind to a way to defeat the agent version of herself, then how could she manage that? The train lurched, slowing down. “ALRIGHT! TIME TO GET OFF THE TRAIN!” Deadpool opened the door, raised a foot, then lowered it again, “Wade, learn from your mistakes, wait until the train is at a complete stop.” He lectured himself, “See guys and gals? I’m improving.” He assured the others. When the train came to a full stop, he stepped off, and immediately tripped over his bootlaces. ‘Wow, that’s a new low for us.' ‘Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t.’ “Since when did my boots have laces?” He looked at his boots. They didn’t even have laces. “I think you might have just tripped over a crack, actually, I might fix that later.” AD17 mused, floating out of the train with a slight sound of wind. Everyone filed out of the train, and Chief immediately took notice of the high concentration of guards around. “Everypony, ATTENNNN-CHUN!” He commanded, and all of the guards saluted. Twilight snarled at the thought that these ponies followed her brother, “I’m going to go have a few words with my brother.” “I will come with you, I need to speak to him as well.” Ezio said, following Twilight. “The building for the magi is near where the guards are, so I’ll meet the bugger with you.” Harry followed the two. Wilson just nodded, “I’m with Harry, so…” He followed the three. Chief went off to get into a position where he could speak to many guards at once, the whole military group coming with him. Adam, Steve, Deadpool, and Link were left. Link nodded to the others and left with Pinkie to help with the decorations. Adam got somepony to lead him to the Royal Dungeon, leaving Deadpool and Steve alone. “Soooo~... want to go not blow stuff up?” Deadpool knew how to do a lot of stuff that wasn’t blowing things up. “Heyoo.” Steve agreed, he knew just the thing to do that (usually) didn’t involve blowing things up. -In the Shady Grays club- “Poker, Steve, I never thought you were the type of guy to do this.” Deadpool said, holding his cards sideways. Alongside the two humans, there was a mare who looked like a Lady Gaga copy, a stallion wearing a top hat with dog ears on it, a shady hunter-looking guy with a machete strapped to his side, and a mafia-looking stallion with a robotic-looking foreleg and eye. “Disable all devices that would allow you to cheat at the game now, or face the consequences.” The dealer said in a deadpan tone, dealing out the cards. Deadpool stared at the black-maned mare dealing the cards, noting the yellow, blue, and red stripes, one of each color going through her mane. Her sterile-white coat and lightning bolt cutie mark denoted that she was probably a scientist, engineer, or mechanic. “This whole situation feels… off.” Deadpool said, looking at the hunter, dog guy, robot-mobster, soulless-sounding dealer, then Steve and finally at himself, pulling out a portable mirror. “That might be because I may have accidentally stacked the deck in your favor.” The dealer said in her flat, deadpanned tone. The other players grumbled in discontent. Midna followed the group going to meet Shining Armor in the shadows, thankful that Link had switched to the Twilight Armor, giving her the power to appear outside of the shadows, if only in ethereal form. Twilight grumbled angrily as she led the way to the guards’ central post. “And I can’t believe… after all this time, and he wouldn’t even take the ten-minute-long trip, or even teleport to Ponyville, he could have done that, I know he can… and…” “Lady Twilight, let me empathize with you,” Ezio interrupted her under-the-breath monologue, “It was on a day similar to this, only rather than a wedding, it was… okay it wasn’t really a day like this at all, but I found out that my little sister, Claudia, was attempting to join the Assassin’s Order, while I had my doubts, the fact that she could keep quiet and use a knife made me see, that while I may try to know all about her life, and protect her, as my moral and familial obligations would dictate, I ultimately could not do either forever, so I set down my big brother shield and let her live her life.” “How does this help me?” “Your big brother may have done the same. You are a grown mare now, and it is hard to be a grown-up, because you must both let go of the things that made you a child, but you cannot let go of the memories, do you understand?” “Well, yes… as much as I don’t want to accept it, I know you’re right. How do you know all this?” “I told you, I am a big brother myself, I am just giving you advice from the ‘other side of the table’, so to speak.” “So, on an unrelated note, chaps, inferring from the fact that there is one stallion in purple and gold armor and a dozen in plain gold, I’m guessing that the one is the captain.” Harry pointed out. Twilight gasped and galloped toward the stairs leading to the little length of walkway. Shining Armor heard the galloping and spun around, facing whoever was moving so fast, the group of guards raising their spears.. “HALT!” He called out in a commanding tone, and Twilight stopped, “Wait a secon-... TWILY!” He motioned for the guards to lower their spears. Twilight galloped up the stairs as one of the guards snickered at the little pet name, earning a slap upside the head from Shining and a whispered order, “You’re on toilet duty for that, private.” The stallion fearfully nodded and sped away, wanting to avoid further punishment. Twilight ran up to her big brother and gave him a big hug. “Shiny, it’s so great to see you again, despite the fact that I’m mad at you.” She said, hugging him tighter. “Twily, why are you mad?” “Because of the principals that you have blatantly ignored, she is your closest family besides your parents, if they are… off topic, she is angry because you could not make time to come visit for a little while and tell her in person that you are getting married.” Ezio said as he climbed over the edge of the wall, it was habit. Harry teleported up, “And before you say that your work was too hectic, I manage the organization of most all the wizarding world as the Head Auror, and still find time to take a break, if you want to know what it’s for… all I’m willing to say is that it’s an hour a year, and it’s a sore subject.” Harry fought back the single tear he had. “I haven’t had a job in 20 months, about 13 of those were because I was stuck in the wilderness, and about 7 of those were because I was here, nopony was hiring, and Adam gave me a chance to get money with our ‘mafia work’.” Wilson said as he was the only human to take the stairs. “Okay, work topic is closed, now then… what’s your excuse for not coming to tell me in person?” Twilight demanded. “Every waking minute has been met with exponentially greater tasks, Twily, the threat against Canterlot, it’s not just the castle, it’s all of Canterlot, we’re pretty sure that that means everything from the mountain’s base to its peak, which is a lot, if I was a better leader, then I could have managed to make some time, maybe a half-hour or so… but the point is, is that I tried, Twily.” Shining offered to continue the hug. “... I forgive you…” Twilight resumed the hug. “Thanks for understanding.” The white stallion said, taking a second to look at the humans. “...But I still don’t forgive you for marrying somepony I don’t even know, who is this ‘Princess Mi Amore Cadenza’ anyways?” “Twilight, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, is Cadence, you’re old foalsitter.” Twilight’s next words were immediately put to rest by Ezio’s translation, “Mi Amore Cadenza, that is Italian for My Love Cadence, Cadence is a musical term, also Italian, that refers to a sequence of notes or chords comprising the close of a musical phrase.” “How’d you know that?” Shining asked, surprised at the insight. “You should ask Twilight, she was the first one to call me the ‘stupid sexy Italian’, hahaha.” Ezio chuckled at the blush that Twilight instantly gained. “Hehehe, I was just trying to get Rainbow Dash’s mind back on the Hearth’s Warming Eve play, I didn’t mean anything by it.” “Anything by what?” A new voice called out. Twilight turned to see Cadence standing at the archway to one of the towers. “CADENCE!” Twilight cheered, rushing over to the pretty pink princess. “♪Sunshine, sunshine, Ladybugs awake. Clap your hooves, and do a little shake.” Twilight sang, doing the motions. “That was… an act that is easy to misinterpret.” Harry remarked, trying to break the awkward tension that had built up amongst the humans. “I can’t believe that my big brother best friend forever, and the greatest foalsitter in the history of foalsitters, are getting MARRIED! This is perfect!” Twilight cheered, going in for a hug with Cadence, but getting rejected. “Yeah, perfect.” Cadence said flatly, trotting over to Shining Armor. Ezio heard a noise, and looked around, then up. ‘Ezio, use the Eagle Vision.’ The faintest silhouette of The Druid Mistress appeared on the sun, she was using her light element magic to talk to him. He focused his hearing on her voice. ‘Ezio, use the Eagle Vision.’ Ezio figured that it couldn’t hurt, so he clenched his eyes shut and focused. “Y’know dude, I don’t know how it is in human land, but staring at the sun isn’t good for you.” Shining joked. Ezio lowered his head and opened his eyes, the world was dark. He saw Harry and Wilson walking away, then he saw Shining Armor in blue. And Cadence in red. “Well Ezio, take care, Wilson and I better get to the magi an-” Harry stopped when Ezio raised a hand. “Harry, Wilson, Twilight… Cadence.” Ezio said, readying his hidden blade. “What, you big lug?” Cadence demanded harshly. “What’s wrong Ezio?” Twilight queried, backing up. “Cadence… Code: Red Eagle.” Ezio recited. Harry and Wilson lashed out their wands, aiming them at Cadence. Twilight prepared a spell and glared at the pretty pink princess. “What’s going on? Why are you threatening my fiance?” Shining demanded, angry. “Sir Shining Armour, your fiance, bound to you as she may be, is an enemy to our cause, an enemy to us all, she must be eliminated.” Ezio said sternly, switching to his hidden gun. “Why are you saying this? Why are you threatening me?” ‘Cadence’ pleaded, on the verge of tears. “Who am I to question the evaluations of a fair and just god? The Vision of th Eagles does not lie, Cadence, you are red, you are an enemy, and you must be eliminated.” Ezio raised his hidden gun. ‘Cadence’ knew that there was no easy way out of this… so she decided to go quietly. “Alright, alright, I’m not Cadence, I’m not even a pony, please don’t magic-blast my ass to high heaven, I’ll go quietly.” Queen Chrysalis announced, dropping her facade. Everyone took a few steps back as the pretty pink princess transformed into a bug-pony-hybrid looking thing, tattered insectoid wings on her back, black chitin covering her body, a turquoise mane with a few holes in it (nobody knew how that worked), fangs, and large, evil-looking eyes. “I do wonder, if those wings work… do your leg-holes whistle in the wind?” Ezio joked, turning back to his hidden blade and gesturing for the changeling to follow. Everyone kept their respective weapons trained on her as Ezio and Shining Armor led the way to the interrogation rooms. Adam thanked the guard for leading him to the dungeons, and decided to go further on his own. The guard nodded and returned to his post. The mobster slowly walked past the cells, looking at the poorly ponies and even a few other species inside. “Ponies, I’m sure that you’re a griffon.” Adam said, pointing to one griffon. “What’s it to you, ya posh jackass?” Gilda said angrily, trying to reach through the bars. Adam pulled his switchblade and jabbed her in the claws, making the angry griffon retreat. “That stuck-up pony asshole called the cops because I crashed-landed into his pool, I was gonna fly away, but then those guards chased after me… this is fucking bullshit.” Gilda fumed with extreme anger. Adam continued on, keeping his switchblade out in case some other prisoner tried anything. Pulling out a cigar and lighting it, he kept walking until he saw one prisoner who didn’t look poorly, rather he was wearing a black smooth-surface suit with a wilted rose bloom attached over the heart. He had pale red coat, a swept-back gray mane and a receding mane-line, a between-shaved-and-grown gray moustache, and green eyes that were filled with wisdom, condescendingness, and thoughtfulness. “Vital.” Adam said, letting out a puff of smoke. “Vital Colteone, and your name would be?” The stallion asked, his tone low. “Adam Corleone, I am the Don, I am the Godfather.” Adam said, the words came out a little harsher than he would have liked them to. “What have I done to make you treat me so disrespectfully? I have said nothing to you but my name and a polite request for your own.” The mobster pony said, standing up and looking at Adam. “Well, I’m going to make you an offer you can’t refuse. There has been a threat made against Canterlot, and you, I, and a friend of mine, will respond to it.” “I see, I will do this justice. Just know that, as the way that this business works: someday -and that day may never come- I will call upon you to do a service for me, but until that day, accept this justice as a gift.” Vital accepted, really having no other choice. “That is fair… I must ask, why are you in here?” “In light of an attack upon myself, I exceeded my limit of ponies I am allowed to kill per week, and thus I was taken here… though I know that the pony who attacked me was not a pony, it was a bug of some sort, the size of a pony, with the power to transform into a pony.” “I and my group of allies found one such creature stumbling towards our picnic an hour ago.” “Ah, it has been too long since I’ve gone on a picnic… such simple times, but that is enough reminiscing for the current hour, let us make haste to the family’s headquarters, we can plan in peace there.” Vital stumbled, nearly faceplanting. Adam immediately swooped down and caught his fellow mobster. “Are you alright Vital?” He asked, worried. Vital leaned in close to Adam’s ear, “Let your friends underestimate your qualities and your enemies overestimate your faults.” He whispered, standing up again, “Let us go, I need my fedora.” “SPERGLORD!” A random prisoner shouted, smiling crookedly with bad teeth and a dirty, blown-every-which-way mane. “I will be sure to inform the guards of your raucous behavior, Anon Mouse.” Vital said simply, following after Adam immediately after. Anon Mouse gulped, he didn’t want another beating. Chief watched as an even distribution of guards was made, forming a strong perimeter around the castle. Arbiter and a group of elite guards patrolled through the city. Link searched for Adam, wanting to tell him about the development with finding out that Cadence was an imposter. He was busy roof-hopping to navigate the city faster, and he saw someone in the distance. Faint images of a dark-skinned man leaping huge distances, then nothing. “Odd…” Link mused, assuring himself that the images were gone. He looked to the right and saw a reflection of himself roof-hopping along the buildings across the street. He looked forward again, then stopped altogether. There weren’t any mirrors on top of any of the buildings. He looked to the right again, only to be tackled by his doppelganger. Doppelganger Agent Link? The hero kicked his doppelganger away, drawing the Master Sword. The doppelganger was already up and had his own Master Sword drawn. “Is this some sick joke?” The Organization was already crossing the line by having an agent Mane 6, but agent versions of the humans? “Is this some sick joke?” ‘Link’ mocked, dashing forward. Link met ‘Link’ in the middle, getting into a stalemate and easily overpowering the imperfect copy. Link may have been a whole league stronger, but ‘Link’ was a whole league faster. The two met stalemate after stalemate, only getting a couple of hits off before they fell to the street below. Both Link’s clashed, right as Arbiter and his group turned the corner. “Oh… that’s not good.” The Elite said, pulling out his Needle Rifle. “Arbiter, help me, shoot this imposter.” ‘Link’ called out, pointing at Link. “Alright.” Arbiter replied, shooting ‘Link’ several times. “GAH! Why would you do that?” The doppelganger pleaded, trying to pull the needles out. He looked to his right and saw Link back away. “What are y-” ‘Link’ didn’t get to finish. *PEWM, PEWM PEWM PEWM PEWM PEWM* The needles detonated, blowing the anthropomorphic changeling to bits, and causing him to drop his ‘Master Sword’. Link walked over and picked it up. It burned his hand with the white-hot-intensity of a thousand gallons of lava. “GAAAAAAAAAH!” He shrieked in pain, dropping it immediately. Arbiter ran to Link’s aid, and held the warrior’s hand in his own. “You are not visibly damaged.” Arbiter said, looking over Link’s unmarred flesh. “It hurts like you wouldn’t believe, though.” Link grunted, wincing at the phantom pains. The sword was filled with evil energies, and since Link was good, it hurt him. Arbiter rubbed Link’s fingers for a few seconds, helping him relax after that sudden shock. “I still desire to acquire a diagram of the structure of human hands under the skin.” “Your hands are a strange shape to me as well.” Link mused, flexing his fingers. When the pain was gone, Link thanked Arbiter and went back to his roof-hopping. Twilight left Shining, Ezio, Harry, and Wilson to the interrogation, she still had to make sure that the rest of the wedding would go smoothly. On the way to the kitchen, she met Adam and a stallion who she assumed to be ‘Vital’. “Hello Adam, and your name is?” Twilight greeted. “Vital Colteone, underboss.” Vital replied, having recovered his threadbare, torn-open fedora. “What’s wrong with your hat?” Twilight asked, noticing the poor state it was in. “It is called a fedora, and it’s state is a testament to my badassery, I have worn this fedora for 99.99% of my time in the mafia, and thus I have lived long enough for it to decay into the state it is in.” Vital explained. “The same goes for me, the wear and tear that my fedora has faced shows that I have survived through thick and thin.” Adam simplified, gesturing to his own worn-out, dirt and blood stained fedora.. “Oh… well then I’ll just give you two a wide berth... out of respect.” Twilight said nervously, walking around the mobster duo and continuing to the royal kitchen. “Remember, Twilight, respect gets you far!” Vital called out to the retreating unicorn, then turned and continued towards the mafia HQ -A bit later, in the Royal Interrogation Room- “I swear, the only difference between these areas and the normal versions is that these are bigger and have the word ‘Royal’ in front of them.” Harry said to Ezio, looking at the interrogation going on. The two were standing behind the 1-way window. “I do not understand this magic, how are we seeing them, but they cannot see us?” Ezio didn’t really understand most of the things in Equestria, he simply accepted that they did things and he didn’t need to know how they did those things. “The glass is enchanted to only be seen through on one side, I’m surprised that you’re able to see through it due to being a First Civilization descendent.” Harry explained briefly. “Perhaps it is because the magic is applied to the glass, not to me, and so I can see through it, but if a spell to see through solid objects were to be applied to me directly, then it would not work.” Ezio philosophized. Inside the interrogation room itself, Shining Armor and Wilson faced Queen Chrysalis. “So, tell me, where is the real Cadence?” Shining demanded. “Oh it would take ages to find her inside the mountain, and she’s already been there for a week… oh my, I wonder what will happen first? Will she die of hopelessness, or of starvation.” Both Shining and Wilson were hit by that statement hard. “I’ll go find her, I’ve been in the caves before.” Wilson assured, about to run out of the room. Shining caught Wilson in his telekinesis. “Hold on, Wilson, we’re not done with this monster yet.” “Oh, so now I’m a monster? That’s not what you were saying last night.” Chrysalis smirked, flashing Shining the same smile she had before. Ezio chuckled in surprise at that sudden revelation. Harry blew air and took off his glasses for a second. “Well, we’re not getting anything all that useful out of her.” Harry said, putting his glasses back on. “Hey, we doing some NCIS stuff here now?” AD17 said, waltzing into the room. “You have no clearance to be here!” Shining yelled out. “I got superpowers, screw your rules!” “And you would be?” Chrysalis asked. “AD17, the guy who wanted Chief and Arbiter to go into the mountain to save Cadance, but then Ezio found you.” Ezio went around to enter the interrogation room itself. “So you knew about where she was all this time?” He questioned the man. “Of course, but I have to keep the story steady.” AD explained. “Story, steady? Is this some kind of storybook tale for you? My fiance is somewhere underground, possibly starving to death.” “I can tell, and we have to find out where her babies are hidden.” AD17 twirled his cane around a bit. “What? Since when does Cadence have babies?” Shining hadn’t heard this before. “He’s talking about my changelings.” Chrysalis clarified, leaning forward. “So you finally say something of use? Well, I know what to do, since you are insects-” Ezio was stopped right there. “That’s an offensive and derogatory term.” Chrysalis protested. “And racist.” AD chimed in. “Regardless of that, we need to know, where are these changelings?” “Why should I tell you?” “Because we will spare you if you do.” Ezio said, lashing out his hidden blade and holding it to the queen’s chin. “And I know a guy who’d make that all the more painful.” “Is it that Trevor person?” Ezio asked. “Da!” AD17 adopted a Serbian accent briefly. “Russian for yes… indeed. So, queen, tell us where they are, or you can take an alternative.” Ezio looked at Wilson. “What?” Wilson said, backing away slightly. “You said you have been in the caves before, correct?” Ezio recalled. “Yes, why?” “Chrysalis, you will lead Wilson to where Cadence is, and if you mislead him, he can easily kill you, and we can simply teleport him back up here.” “And we’ll have Chief and Arbiter follow you, maybe with Twilight.” AD added. “Why her?” Shining asked. “Uhh, why not?” “Twilight is working on the preparations for the wedding, we need her to keep this under wraps for the moment.” “And if Cadance starves...” “I will never allow someone to starve on my watch.” Wilson took the initiative. “That dance Twilight did was some sort of identifier, so...” AD17 seriously wanted this to happen. “Okay… so I will take Chrysalis in the caves-” “Kinky.” Chrysalis mocked. “Not that way, and shut up, Chief will make sure that nothing in the cave gets us, and I’ll make sure you get nothing in the cave.” Wilson continued. “If you need your Dark Sword back, here.” Ezio offered it. “Oh no, I have this steel masterpiece right here.” Wilson said, pulling out the bastard sword. “What happened to your Light Sword thing?” “I traded it with David when I first saw him, and I got this bastard sword and this iPod.” Wilson pulled out the iPod, which had been playing a quiet tune during the interrogation process. “So that’s what that was. What is that device?” Shining asked. “Deadpool called it an iPod, so I’m going to call it an iPod, it plays music, and it seems to have every song ever produced on it, past, present, and future, at least up to a point, the latest time I can find for a song published is April 6th, 2014.” Wilson said, trying and failing to find something made after that date. “Well, enough on your music playing device, I will find Master Chief and inform him of the plan.” Ezio said, taking off. “Gotcha, let’s go, old chaps!” Wilson led the charge, but not before AD quietly took the iPod from Wilson and fiddled around with it. Chrysalis followed Wilson, but stopped when she saw AD’s fiddling. “What are you doing with that?” “Updating the playlist to June 9th, A bunch of new songs came out, I’d like ‘em to be up to date for my world.” AD then snuck the device back into Wilson’s back pocket. “I don’t understand what you’re talking about, but I’m still willing to go quietly.” The changeling said, following Wilson. The plan was set. Now it just needed to be executed. Speaking of executed. “Indie Pones, you have lost all your chips. Eliminated.” The flat-voiced mare informed. Steve perked up at the word ‘eliminated’. STEVE “HEYOO!” Steve pulled out his rocket launcher, backed up, and shot the hunter-looking pony. *BOOM* “GAH!” The pony was blown into the wall, “Geez, if you wanted me to leave, you could have just said so.” He complained, coughing up a puff of smoke and walking out of the club. “Such an excessive use of force… it is entertaining… continue doing it.” The deadpanned dealer said. “HOH, this is the most fun I’ve ever had in poker, even though I’m on my last chips now.” Deadpool said, looking at the miniscule pile of chips next to him now. The next set of cards was played, and Deadpool rolled a Natural 20, distracting the cyborg-looking-mafia guy from folding his terrible set of cards. “Snapper Clank, you have lost all of your chips… eliminated.” The dealer said, smirking when she saw Steve stand up again. “Well, just do what you have to do, Steve.” The mobster said, looking at the floor and letting out a single tear. STEVE “HEYOO!” Steve raised his rocket launcher, and fired. *BOOM* The mobster flew into the air, hit the ceiling, then fell and hit the floor. Steve sobbed loudly behind his mask. “Geeze Steve, don’t be a drama queen, that’s only a gravity explosive.” Snapper said as he got up, relatively uninjured, and quietly walked to the bar. The dealer had silently dealt out the next set of cards and laid down the next few for the set. Deadpool, with all of Snapper Clank’s chips, looked at his hand. A joker, a Charizard trading card, and a green 2 from Uno. “Wait, where’s my fourth card?” Deadpool said. The dealer hoofed over another card, “Quit whining.” She said in her flat tone. It was a 7 of clubs. Deadpool looked at the set of cards. An 8, a 9, a 10, and a jack. “What?” He said, looking back at his cards. “What what? What do you mean what?” The dog-eared-hat stallion asked, looking at the dealer. The Lady Gaga copy had a bad set, but she hoped that her perfect poker face was good enough to bluff her way into getting some more chips. Deadpool looked at Steve, who had his cards upside down, somehow. A queen and a king were played, and finally an ace. All clubs. “All in.” The Lady Gaga copy said, putting in her few chips. “All in.” The top hat stallion said, sliding his chips forward. “Heyoo.” Steve said, putting his chips in. “I call.” Wade said, pushing the rest of his chips in. “Oh look, it seems that one-fourth of you people will win this hand, and 100% will end up depressed at the ending, math is fun, isn’t it?” The dealer said in her deadpan tone. The four players put in their cards. Lady Gaga copy had a low-rate flush with hearts. Top hat guy had a seven and a deuce of spades. Steve had four kings. Deadpool had his joker, the Charizard trading card, the green 2 from Uno, and the 7 of clubs. “Deadpool is the winner, Sapphire Shores, 431-Maxigun, Steve, you three are eliminated. “YES!!! I actually won, this has to be a dream, right?” “Believe me, if it was, I’d have more emotion than you.” The dealer said. “Aw, don’t be sad Glad-Happy, it’s your name to not be sad.” Deadpool said, looking at Steve. STEVE “HEYOO!” Sapphire Shores was picked up and thrown into the air, then launched out the door by another gravity explosive. “NOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo…” She kept flying further and further away. Steve took a few seconds to reload, and while doing that, he walked over to 431-Maxigun. STEVE “HEYOO!” He tapped on 431’s shoulder, then pointed to his rocket launcher, which was empty, then to the door. “Oh good, I thought you’d blast me or something, let’s go.” Maxigun said, turning to his partner. The hyperactive little colt bounced onto Maxigun’s back and pointed onwards. “Heyoo.” Steve said, looking at himself in the mirror. STEVE “HEYOO!” “Heyoo.” He turned his rocket launcher on himself, then fired himself out of the club, saluting to Deadpool as he flew through the air. “So... you met a mare named Maud?” “She’s my pen pal, all she talks about is rocks however.” Glad-Happy said, still having no emotion in her voice. “Yeah, she’ll do dat.” Deadpool cracked his neck, and sighed. “Right, so you have your chips, now what?” “I’m gonna take this cash and go buy some enchiladas.” Deadpool said, reaching over and taking the bits he’d earned. “I don’t do well with Mexicolt food, I’m lactose intolerant.” “Well... I’m ass-tose intolerant.” Deadpool hated lactose intolerant people, always ruining his dairy-based fun. The mouthy merc teleported behind the bar, grabbed a Guinness, then teleported outside. “This… was not a triumph.” Glad-Happy lamented, her lamenting voice sounding no different from her normal voice. Deadpool didn’t notice, he was already gone. -Canterlot Royal Kitchen- Twilight stepped into the room to the smell of freshly baked food. “Twilight, how’re ya doin’?” “Okay, all things considered…” Twilight looked around at the prepared foods. “Good, mind taste-testin’ this apple fritter, Ah need tah know if the princess would like it or not.” Without a moment’s hesitation, Applejack shoved the mini-fritter into Twilight’s mouth. Twilight nommed on the freshly made food, and smiled. “Mmm, Cadence would love these… well let me just be extra sure.” She took another one. Applejack smiled a nervous smile. Then Twilight took another one, only to find it wasn’t a fritter. “What the...” Twilight saw it was a pack of cigarettes. “Whose are these? Who’s been smoking in the kitchen?” Twilight asked. “Ah don’ know, let me just go an’ get rid’a these then.” Applejack said, snatching the pack away and walking out the door. Twilight looked around, and found that there was a trash can right by the door. Applejack trotted right past it to get outside. “Hold on, Applejack, there’s a trashcan right the-” The door was slammed shut. She opened it and found Applejack walking away, “Hey, Applejack, you seemed to be nervous, do you want to talk about something? Is it about your alternate self, because I’m dealing with the same thing.” “Well, yeah, it’s somethin’ like that, but Ah don’t see how it has somethin’ to do wit us now.” “There was a trashcan next to us, just 5 trots away from where you were standing, that’s not normal.” “Oh… I musta missed it…” Applejack lied, scrunching up her muzzle and looking away. “Applejack, you’re a terrible liar.” Twilight seemed to have it figured out now. “Lyin’? What makes ya think I’m lyin’?” “I thinking you’ve actually been smoking for a long time, and all the stress is making it more obvious.” “Whaddya mean?” “Well, for one, I didn’t want to say anything back in the kitchen, but your breath reeks of tobacco.” “What, D’oh!” “And your teeth are yellowing, even though you seem to brush every day.” “Three times… I thought that was enough…” “And your breathing is kinda... erratic now.” “Well, yer sweatin’ me, an’ I get kinda stressed when ponies’re sweatin’ me.” Applejack said as she reached for a smoke. “True… but the final piece of evidence is scientifically proven.” “Whaddya mean? Have y’all been doin’ science on me without me knowin’?” Applejack said as she pulled a cigarette out of the box. “The final thing is simple, and no experiments needed.” “What is it?” Applejack said as she put the cigarette in her mouth and pulled out her lighter. “You’re about to light another cigarette now as we are speaking, in plain sight” Applejack then realized that her mouth had the paper stick in it, and cursed to herself silently. “Ah didn’ even notice.” “That’s the final piece of evidence, smoking has become muscle memory for you, subconscious actions that you do automatically.” “But that don’t prove nothing’!” “Applejack, it takes at least 1000 repetitions of an act to make it muscle memory.” Twilight recited. “R-Really?” “Even if you’ve been smoking for a few months, you’d still have that muscle memory from the nicotine addiction and repeated use, and I doubt it’s been that short of a time.” Twilight stared into Applejack’s eyes. “So tell me… how long?” Twilight asked the hard question. Applejack sighed. She’d been caught. “7 years.” “WHAT? 7 years? But… Applejack, you’re only 20 years old!” “Yep, Ah got into mah papa’s stash once an’ Ah guess it stuck even after he… it’s a sore subject.” “Applejack, the health risks are vastly dangerous at your age alone, doing it as early as the age of 13 is just plain suicidal!” “Well, Ah mean, 13 is when I noticed that Ah was addicted, the first time was at 12, Ah only really got into it after mah parents passed away.” Applejack let out a few tears. “Eight years! How have your lungs not given out yet?” “‘Side from the tobacco, Ah’ve lived a healthy life.” “Even then, organs’ capacities for stress and recovery is still limited!” “Maybe fer you unicorns, but us earth ponies’re made’a tougher stuff.” “Biologically, Earth Ponies, while having better stamina, are still no less limited than other ponies who exercise regularly, like Rainbow Dash.” “Yeah… that girl’s got herself situated… Ah don’ know then, maybe i’s juss a miracle, Ah always felt a special connection with tha ground, or maybe tha groun’ juss don’ want me in it.” Applejack tried, rubbing a hoof on the ground. “It is a miracle that you’re barely healthy right now, but soon enough, the coughing fits will come-” *COUGH COUGH COUGH* “Like that, then you’re going to develop lung cancer, and survival rate of that isn’t in your favor.” “Maybeh not, but I’m a fighter… *sigh* So yer sayin’ Ah’m gonna die chokin’ on mah own bile though?” “Yes, healthy life or not, if you don’t stop smoking, it doesn’t matter what your outer body looks like, inside, it’ll be a shriveled mess. You need to tell the others, now!” “Like… gimme an example.” “Your lungs will shrivel and harden until they’re like coal.” “No, gimme an example of a pony who got what yer sayin’.” Applejack stubbornly said. “Well, there have been many cases.” “Name one.” “There was Marion Colteone, he died at 30, barely able enough to have foals with his wife before he croaked, smoking history: 10 years. Applejack took a step back, but kept her ground. “Name an earth pony.” “Of course, Marion was an earth pony, but I’ll keep going… Ale Cappucino, died from both his addiction to caffeine, alcohol, and nicotine, alcohol for 3 years, caffeine for 2, nicotine for 9.” Applejack gulped. “Then there was Hairy Houdini...” “Wait a second… are y’all juss nami’ famous criminals?” “Well if you want someone on the right side of the law, the Duke of Trottingham, a champion in several sports, died after 5 years of smoking, he was a very healthy pony, only 25 years old… by the way, his death was only eight years ago, the same time you started.” Applejack became thoroughly scared now. “And if you keep it up, then by next year, it might be you who dies, and you know who’ll notice?” “Uhm...” “Everypony you knew, me, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Apple Bloom, Big Mac, Granny Smith, the other two CMC, The mayor, the princesses, and even after all of them? At least half of Equestria, remember AJ? Do you remember that we’re national heroes? Everypony will be crying their poor eyes out because one of the great Bearers of Harmony, who are supposed to be the shining beacons of hope, went up in tobacco flames. I may be sounding harsh here, but you need a taste of your own medicine, you need to hear some Honesty.” “Oh mah gosh, Twilight, Ah need help!” Applejack said, grasping at Twilight’s forelegs and shaking her. “We’re here for you, we can help you… first things first.” Twilight looked at the dropped box and loose cigarette. She glared at them in hate, and in a flash of green and purple magic, they disintegrated. Applejack winced, but did nothing. “Well, there goes that. Now then, let’s get ready for the wedding, right now, we need to give my brother and my future sister-in-law the best wedding ever.” “Okay.” Applejack said meekly, standing up again and putting on a determined face. “By the way, what made ya so angry ‘bout smokin’ anyhow?” Twilight sighed, and looked at the mare. “Do you think you’re the only one who lost somepony to smoking?” “Oh mah stars.” “That was her name… Red Stars… don’t worry about it though, it’s been years now, I’ve gone past it.” “Well… what were some better time with her?” “Of course, let see, well… she really liked Supermane, despite her name being his only weakness besides Kryptonite.” “Well, Ah liked tah dress up as Supermane when Ah was a filly fer Nightmare Night.” Applejack smiled a bit. “*giggle* I can just imagine you galloping around, making flying noises.” Twilight laughed at the mental image. “Don’t we all, we were all fillies once, right?” “Yes, personally, I really liked Iron Colt, he’s a smart pony, like me, and he likes science, like me.” “He’s also an alcoholic, maratizing, self-centered jerk.” Applejack replied. “Unlike me… well… maybe not that-” “No matter which one you say apply ta you, it’s not any better. “The middle one?” “Oh mah stars.” Applejack facehoofed, “What did I just say?” “Well, I honestly don’t see the problem with it, I mean, I like them both.” Twilight said, not realizing what she was digging herself into. “Stop talkin’!” “What? I have to admit, if Shining didn’t have Cadence on lock, I’d definitely marry her, have you seen dat flank?” “JUSS STOP!!! Please!” Applejack pleaded. “Sorry…” Twilight realized her mistake, “I did it again, didn’t I?” “Look, it ain’t that Ah have a problem with mare who... are open in their options an’ whatnot, but... yeah, didja go on a rant nopony wants ta hear? Yeah, ya did that.” Applejack put her apron back on and shooed Twilight out the door, “Now go on, ya tha others ta check on.” Twilight realized how much time she’d spent on this one stop, and quickly teleported away. “Speak for yourself, Applejackoff.” The head chef said. “Quiet you!” Applejack snapped back. “Well some ponies might want to hear more, cunt.” “Y’ALL SHUT YER BRIMISH MOUTH, GOURMET RECIPE!” Applejack raised a hoof. “Hmph, maybe you’d like to hear about...” “Gourmet, what have I told you about antagonizing the other chefs?” Celestia said sternly, walking into the kitchen with AD in tow. “Don’t bloody do it… fine…” “Yes, and don’t yell at a kitchen full of angry chefs with ginzu knives.” AD added, noticing the presence of that brand of knife. Deadpool appeared with a taco in his hand. “You know what I like, besides guns, money, explosions, loose women, Death, and Mexican food?” “What is it?” Gourmet asked. “Scene transitions.” “What? What is this-” Gourmet was stopped by a slap upside the head. “-You’re talking about?” Rarity said, looking at her fabulous dress. “Um, Cadence’s coat is pink, so green clashes, I thought you got those pictures?” Twilight said, pulling up another manilla folder with picture of Cadence from all sides. “No, but since she’s Celestia’s niece, I thought that her coat was a very light color.” “Well, she’s actually adopted, like Blueblood.” “Oh, well it’s satisfying to know that that annoying snot is not true royalty.” “Let’s just say, when he was younger, he let the power go to his head.” Twilight added on. “So you’re saying that because he got power, he grew to become the pony he is now?” “Yep!… and I swore to myself that, if I ever got power, I would not become like him.” “Well, I mean, how could you get power like being a royal?” “I don’t know, maybe I could be like Starswirl the Bearded, but I’m not sure about being a princess.” “Well, your brother, by marrying Princess Cadence, will become a prince.” Twilight then began to think. “And that would mean... wow... I mean, wow.” “And come to think of it, since you are the princess’s personal student, that means that you have a lot of connections and power, right?” “I could do… no, I won’t let the power go to my head.” “So, doesn’t that mean you’re already a powerful mare, who spend much more time running a library, than, say... politics?” Rarity thought. “Well, I was never one much for politics, I’m embarrassed to say that it was my lowest grade in the academy, a poor little 90, barely an A minus.” Twilight revealed sheepishly. “Twilight, most ponies don’t even pass in politics… what are your credentials?” “I have 8 master’s degrees, 11 bachelorette’s, 17 associate’s.” Twilight recited. “You’re definitely a prodigy. I mean, 8, 19, 36 degrees, most ponies would be lucky with-” “The square root of that, 6, yes.” Twilight said, recalling the average. “You’re a genius whom everypony should respect, how have you not even exercised whatever power you have, I do not know, maybe it was your upbringing, or your humbleness, but- “Well, it’s become more and more tempting, I mean… after seeing that, just because they’re helping us, the humans, the imp, and the Sangheili, get free admission to any and all forms of public transportation, I’d like to see how far my connections would reach.” “Indeed... I say that with all our power, you could...” “I’m gonna stop this conversation before Rarity’s greed gets the better of you both.” AD said, walking. “What do you want?” Twilight asked, “I mean, you are right, I should get on to Pinkie Pie, but what do you want?” “Yeah, I had to take a short trip quickly to Iota-2, to pick up someone.” AD said as he brought Soldier and Blue Comet out from behind him. “P1’s annoying as hell.” “M’lord still needs me.” Blue Comet said, wrenching himself from AD’s grip. “I told him I needed you more.” “I could go either way.” Soldier said, picking his nose. “How uncouth!” Rarity scoffed, crossing her forelegs and turning her head away. “There’s a time and place for that, Soldier.” Twilight chastised, preparing her magic. “Yep.” AD smacked Soldier’s arm, and his finger went far up his nose. “NOOOOO, MY BRAIN!!!” Soldier said nasally. “Oh yes, and your magic, Twilight, you once told us that the Elements of Harmony amplify our respective traits by 100 times.” “Correct.” Twilight said flatly. “Well, you’re magic, so you have 100 times the magic of a normal unicorn based on the Elements of Harmony alone.” “Correct.” Twilight was getting interested now. “And your cutie mark, which you said cutie marks means that a pony is 10 times more skilled at something that a pony without the same type of mark.” “Correct.” The lavender unicorn already knew this. “Well, that’s a base value of 10, times 100, that’s 1000 times the power of a normal unicorn.” “Correct, AKA the power of a lesser alicorn, like Cadence.” “Lesser alicorn?” Rarity was confused by this term. “An alicorn that started off as a normal pony, and then earned the privilege of bearing the power of all three races at once.” “Yep, and Cadence was...” “A pegasus, why do you ask?” “Just curious, as you were saying.” “That’s really it, but there are only two achievements that compare with alicorn ascension: The Congressional Medal of Honor, and Papalal Consecration of Sainthood.” Twilight recited. “Papalia? There is an equivalent of the Pope in Equestria?” Ezio said, having just entered the room. “The Pope is the head of the Omnitheistic Church of Universal Acceptance in Roam, Istaly.” “You know, in my world, the Pope was replaced, and he embodies everything a pope should be.” AD17 put in his two cents. “Yes, the same can be said for Pope Friendship I, he took the name because of the Elements of Harmony… it’s actually quite an honor for us to have inspired such a figurehead of power.” “Weren’t you leaving, Twilight?” Rarity said, “Pinkie Pie does need to be kept in line.” “Oh right, sorry.” Twilight sheepishly trotted away, looking for Pinkie. “Right, so Ezio, what did you learn so far?” “I have learned that either the group is slow, or Cadence is very deep in the mountain.” “Cadence is inside Canterlot Mountain?” Rarity gasped. “Yes… luckily we have a team of three looking for her.” Ezio assured, “Now about my outfit…” He said, turning to Rarity. “Ah yes, Sir Ezio, I’m almost finished with them… I simplified the overall style, but took into account your liking of hoods… here’s the concept art… don’t mind those smudges on the side.” Rarity levitated the paper to the master Assassin. “You drew me as an old man… I am minorly offended, I was put through the Fountain of Youth, I am not old anymore.” Ezio noted. “Well I do apologize, but I felt it made you look wiser, Sir Ezio.” “I understand your thought process, Lady Rarity.” Rarity smiled, blushing a bit at getting recognized as a Lady of class. And Ezio’s voice was just so saucy! -In the Royal Banquet Hall- “Saucy, ese es.” Pinkie said in Spurnish. “What do you mean? What’s saucy.” Twilight said, having decided to simply teleport to the banquet hall. “I just felt like saying that for some reason… probably due to the scene transition jokes.” “Pinkie, scene transitions don’t happen in real life.” “Silly Twilight, not if it’s a story!” Pinkie countered. “Life isn’t a fairytale, Pinkie, life is real, and gritty, and hard to get through.” Twilight explained. “But oh so satisfying when we do get through it, that’s why we PARTY!!!” Pinkie yelled out in enthusiasm. “Yes, quite.” Harry noted, looking at the decorations. “Weren’t you supposed to be with the magi, finding out who sent the threat, if it wasn’t that bug?” “I am actually passing through at the moment Twilight, they told me to meet them at the barracks across the castle.” “Oh, well tell them I said hi.” Twilight said. “Funny, they told me to tell you they said hi.” Harry recited the brief message. The wizard walked by the room and went to the barracks, being led by one of the guards. “Alright... I hope they found Cadance.” Twilight said to herself. “Cadence is gone? Why?” “Well, we found an imposter, but we’re looking for her as we speak right now!” “Oh, well I hope the search team has good luck.” Pinkie wished. “This is not the best of luck we’ve had so far.” Wilson said as Chief hefted a rock off of Wilson’s leg. “Yes, my bad, we booby trapped the caves so they’d collapse in case she found the way out.” Chrysalis said. “When this is over, you’re leaving with one big-ass bruise.” Chief said. “Like dying is any better?” “At least bruises heal.” John assured, giving her a hard pat on the shoulder and activating his helmet lights. Chrysalis’s ears perked up, she heard something. “We’re close by, come on.” She said, galloping towards the source of the noise. Chief was about to follow, but Wilson got gut-punched by a rock trap, and needed assistance. “OW!” Pulling the stone pillar back and letting Wilson out. ‘Vilson, lose some sanity already, I got a task for you.’ ‘Friends help me not do that, sorry.’ ‘Vell, I am a voice, vhat can I do?’ ‘And talking to you instantly drops it.’ ‘Ja, ze sanity. Listen, in ze ozzer vorld, ze discoved a part for zis veapon, ‘Project Zunder!’ ‘Hey, enough chit-chat, time to go!’ ‘I agree with purple voice, let’s go!’ ‘Fine, but remember mien vords Vilson, ve need ze veapons to be complete for my FINAL... erm... touches, ja.’ Cadence came up to the group, breathing laboriously. “*huff* I made it, I knocked that changeling bitch out and got away… *huff* let’s go.” “Well, while she was a bitch, we were keeping her under control.” Chief replied, going to get Chrysalis. “Well she’ll be mad when she wakes up, come on!” Cadence started looking around for a way out. “We’ll lead the way out, but first, we need to arrest the queen of the Changelings.” Wilson wagged his fingers in excitement. “We should just leave her down here, it’ll be a better punishment than giving her a cell.” “Ma’am, we may not be the best of humans, but we’re not letting you give her the same thing she gave you.” Chief “Well I’m not helping, so I guess one of you can lead the way out, and one of you can go back for Chrysalis.” “HMmm...” Chief grunted as he turned towards the way out and started walking, “Stay close to me, okay?” He instructed. “I’ll get Chrysalis then…” Wilson said dejectedly, not getting heard over the clattering of Chief’s footsteps. He took out the iPod, and began to notice that he had new songs. “What, these weren’t here before... wait... David, of course, always fiddling with things he shouldn’t fiddle with.” He hit a random one. An energetic song and voice came up. “Ooh, now I want to mine some of these crystals.” He said, pulling out his Pick/Axe. He ran down the cave tunnel, mining every crystal growth in reach. *GRRR* “OH, the rocks shake as I break down the cave!” Wilson said, losing sanity from the darkness. The rocks shook again, and a few landed near Wilson, shooting bits of his sanity down with each one that landed nearby. ‘Alright, while you’re doing good in causing ze earthquakes, it vould be bad if you, oh, I do not know, DIE!’ ‘Oh, okay zen.’ ‘Also, your voice is schtupid, like Dempshey’s voice.’ ‘Ze way joo say stupid is stupid.’ ‘I zink ze vay you are ignoring me is schtupid.' “Well screw you, bloody nincompoop.” Wilson said out loud, hearing some of the crystals shake and fall. He picked them up, “I wonder if any of these are incidentally more Element 115…” He mused, pocketing them. ‘I vish, but zey are good for focusing ze energy even more, but ze are also veak, maybe one or two uses at most.’ “Alright zen… hmm.” Wilson looked around, wondering where Chrysalis was. “Crystals, crystals, crystals… no Chrysalis… I see an alcove, maybe there’s a Chrysalis in there.” Wilson climbed into the alcove, and found a pink alicorn. “No Chrysalis, oh well… crap, it’s Cadance, and THAT MEANS!!!” “No, wait, Cadence was with us…” Wilson said, thinking back. “No, she wasn’t...” Cadance moaned, bleeding from a head wound. “No, she was, and that means that-” ‘Joo are not takeeng into account the fact that our enemy is a shapeshifter, idiot.’ “... I am an idiot!” Wilson facepalmed. “I’m Cadance, who are you?” “I am Wilson, and we need to save your wedding, come on, ol’ chap!” “You sound Brimish.” “I AM BRIMISH!” Wilson shouted, taking out his bastard sword and leading the way back through the cave. Harry stepped into the barracks, looking at the magi. There were five of them. “So, what have you been able to find?” “We believe that the threat may have been issued by the changeling army.” One of the magi said. “Um… the who?” Another magi said. “Okay, who skipped out on the replacement job?” One said to the other. “I don’t know, let’s hope he doesn’t notice.” “Enough of this banter, we have a highly trained soldier and a scientist working of rescuing a kidnappee at the moment.” “Um, Harry Potter was it?” The center magi said. “Yes?” “My name is Gander, um, me and my colleagues haven’t really done any work thus far, we just looked over the letter and they told you to meet us here at the barracks.” “Oh, my bad, okay, let me explain to you what I know so far.” “No, you don’t understand… they know what happened, but we haven’t done any work.” Gander lifted his hood and lit up his horn. “Oh sorry, It’s just... the way things work back home, and here, are different.” “We work together… so.” Gander looked at his fellows. “So, let’s work together, and stop this threat.” “Harry, YOU BLOODY IDIOT!” Gander cast Dispel Magic on his colleagues. Each were forcibly transformed back into their base changeling forms. “Oh bloody hell...” Harry drew his wand. “HE KNOWSSSSSS!” One of them hissed, attacking Gander. Gander cast a barrier and caught the changeling in midair. “Expelliarmus!” Harry cast at the changeling that chose to charge at him. He looked to see the changeling that had attacked Gander get burnt to a crisp, then crushed to ashes. *PROPERTY DAMAGE!!!* “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” Soldier yelled out as he charged in, weaponless, and wrestled with a changeling. “Soldier, when’d you come back!” *Severing of spinal column between C3 and C4!!!* “The purple man brought me here!” “Come, the enemy is already at our front doors, Harry, take this.” Gander brought out a sword. “Alright, also Soldier...” “What?” “Why are you naked?” Soldier was indeed naked, save for his helmet, and covered in honey, for some reason. “It was something I’ve done before!*” Soldier replied licking himself a couple times. “Mmm, honey.” *See Naked Tales of Valor #1-37, Scout's Worst Double Dates #14 “HARRY! SWORD! TAKE!” Gander commanded, tossing Harry the sword. Harry caught it and examined it for a few seconds. The Sword of Gryffindor. “Thanks.” Harry said, swinging the sword back and forth a few times. “Alright, let wrestle some bugs!” Soldier yelled out as he charged headlong into battle, still naked. “Um, fellows, there is one detail I think you’ve forgotten, the barrier around Canterlot.” Gander pointed upwards. Harry looked up, and indeed, there was a barrier around Canterlot, giving the sky a slight magenta tint. “Well, come on, I think I can see a black cloud approaching, and it’s most likely made of changelings.” Harry said, dual-wielding the Sword of Gryffindor and the Elder Wand. Soldier reached into his helmet and pulled out his Direct Hit. “How’d you do that?” Gander asked. “HAMMERSPACE, YOU HAY-MUNCHING MAGGOT!” Soldier shouted, loading his rocket launcher. “Alright, Soldier, two things, one, don’t insult an ally of ours.” “Okay.” “And two, clean up and put some clothes on, please!” “I will consider it when the bees attack later!” Soldier half-yelled. “They’re more like dragonflies.” Gander said, having studied the limited recorded knowledge on Changelings. “Then I’ll change immediately, because dragons breath fire, and flies are annoying.” Soldier said as he marched towards the castle. “He doesn’t realize that dragonflies are not dragons, or flies, right?” Harry noted. “Maybe in human land, but in Equestria, they do breathe fire.” Gander said, “He was actually correct, once again. A world class idiot, actually being right.” “A broken clock is still right twice a day.” Gander quoted. “I suppose the saying is true.” Harry sighed. “Let’s go find the rest of the guard, and prepare for the invasion.” Gander nodded and teleported the pair to the central guard post. -Bridal Prep Room- Chrysalis smiled, she’d gotten through that little hiccup with minimal incident. Now all she had to do, now that she was cleaned and dressed, was get married to Shining Armor and leave the country. “*sigh* It’s great that this is finally going in my favor.” She said, spritzing on a bit of perfume. All she had to do now was get to the Marriage Hall, get the ceremony over with, and get the heck out of dodge. “Hello Cadance!” AD17 said as he poofed into her dressing room. ‘Great.’ “Oh, hello… um… what was your name?” She greeted in a friendly tone. “AD17 is my alias, but call me David.” David said as he politely kissed her hoof. “Well, I’m sure you know my name, it’s nice to meet you mister David.” She said, smiling. “Indeed, the caves weren’t bad, were they?” David smirked. “Oh they were terrible, I’m lucky I didn’t waste away before Wilson, Chief, and that dreadful bitch Chrysalis found me… I’m glad that Wilson and Chief were keeping her from hurting me. David found himself stopping briefly, as if in thought. “Are you alright?” “Uh yeah, tell me Cadance, how does a little pony like you become an alicorn?” “Oh, well... the princesses we know are born into it... but well...” “Well what?” “Well, some ponies just have to… earn it, really.” She guessed. “Like you, when you were a pegasus, right?” “Exactly! I still remember when all I could do was fly, and now I can do magic.” “Indeed. Many ponies go above and beyond to get what they get.” AD17 said, smiling. “Some succeed, and some fail.” ‘Cadence’ continued. “Name one who tried.” “Umm, Blueblood?” ‘Cadance’ heard about him before. “Quite the tool, yes.” “Yeah, well anyways, I’d love to stay and chat, but I have a husband to go get married to.” She said, opening the door and trotting out into the hall. “Yes, the wedding ceremony.” David patted Cadance’s back. “Knock ‘em dead, girl.” David walked away. “Well, I’ll try not to do that literally, hehe.” She laughed, gulping down her fear. “Yes.” ‘But I know that the wedding will end in crazyness, and... Soldier’s naked covered in honey again...’ AD17 stared as dragonflies chased after the mercenary. Cadence looked at the sight for a second, winced, grimaced, and kept going to the wedding hall. Everyone was gathered for the wedding, the original group of humans on Shining Armor’s side, the secondary group on Cadence’s side. “I am so happy!” Deadpool cried out, blowing his nose with Wilson’s handkerchief, and handing it back to him. “Eugh… keep it, I have a spare.” Wilson said, pulling out his spare handkerchief. “Thank you!” Deadpool said, taking the spare and blowing his nose again. Wilson deadpanned and frowned at the mouthy merc. Chief was out of his suit, instead in his military fatigues, with his pistol ready, but holstered. Soldier had been cleaned and clothed in his own fatigues, though covered in scorch marks. Midna opted to stay in the shadows. Link and Ezio had put on their Assassin outfits, staying behind the group, ready to climb the walls to ambush any ambushers. Adam looked at Vital in the crowd, winking at him to thank him for the M16. Arbiter had his weapons behind him, which was within an arms reach of it. He was clad in replica Sangheili Honor Guard armor. Harry was dressed in his High Auror clothing, wand put away. Wilson was wearing his vest under his pinstripe suit, just because he could. Steve was wearing a much cleaner and crisper version of his usual attire, his mask replaced with a pair of sunglasses and a medical mask. Blue Comet was dressed in his own fatigues, aviator glasses on and rifle dissassembled into three parts. Deadpool was dressed with a formal suit over his superhero suit. AD17 looked from above the altar, and was dressed in more formal tuxedo. He looked at Wilson, and winked. Wilson knew what he was saying, and winked back. ‘Cadence’ walked up the aisle and to the altar, staring into Shining Armor’s eyes. “*ahem* We are gathered here today to witness the bonding of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and Captain Shining Arm-” “BATHROOM!!!” Wade teleported out suddenly, leaving a confused group. “Ahem, right, as I was saying, Shining Armor.” She paused, waiting for any sort of interruption. None came, “Now then, we-” “BACK!” Wade came back. “What’d I-” “Wade, be quiet!” Wilson yelled out. Deadpool pouted, but stayed quiet. “*AHEM* Now then, as I was saying, I’ll keep this brief, Shining Armor, sickness and health, have and hold, and all that? Until you die?” Most of the wedding-goers were appalled at the practically flippant summary. AD17 just laughed. “Man, this is better than Deadpool Team-up.” “Which one?” “Quiet you, both of you, Shining Armor?” “I do.” “Alright, Cadence, is the feeling mutual, do you?” “Yes, I do.” “Alright, so, if anyone disagrees, then say something now, or deal with it… forever.” Celestia looked around the room. AD17 then appeared next to Cadance, and used his anti-magic. The real Cadence burst in through the door. “I OBJECT!” She shouted, “ON THE GROUNDS THAT THAT’S NOT ME!” She pointed as Chrysalis found herself slowly transforming back into base form. “I knew it wasn’t you, you had too many awkward pauses in our conversation. Later bitch, I gots an army to fight!” AD put on full modern military armor and teleported outside. Chrysalis looked at Shining Armor, casting a mind-control spell on him. John looked at Arbiter expectantly, who looked back at him with an equally expectant look. They both cursed their failure of communication, ‘The one time, and it’s the time that counts.’ Chrysalis used her magic to suspend everyone in the otherworldly group, all of the crowd, Shining Armor, the real Cadence, and even Celestia. “Now then, as we were going before we so rudely interrupted… you may now kiss the bride.” She said, kissing Shining Armor and casting a mind-control spell on him. Celestia could not break her bonds, nopony and no human/imp/alien could. Except the one that couldn’t be bonded in the first place. “I advise that you stop, give up, and leave, now.” Ezio said in his best threatening voice as he whipped out his hidden blade and pointed it at the evil monarch. Chrysalis cleared the other humans out of the way, making sure that she and Ezio stood on opposite ends of the altar. “So, you really think that you can run over here and stab me before I kill you with my own deadly poisons?” Ezio knew that this was a possibility, so he conceded, withdrawing his hidden blade, “No, no I do not.” He said, flawlessly faking a voice of defeat. He slid the mechanisms around and aimed again, “Actually I think I can… come on then.” He finished switching to his hidden gun. Chrysalis summoned an axe made of gossamer with a paper-thin edge and charged, ready to drive it into his sternum. *BOOM* With no mechanisms or structures to dampen the noise, the sound of the raw explosion bellowed out of the gauntlet, the shockwave breaking the window above the altar and startling every bird within a 100-foot radius of the wedding hall and even a few dogs. Chrysalis fell to the floor as a good chunk of her brains splattered onto her back and the floor behind her, a 10 millimeter diameter circular hole shot through her forehead, right where Ezio had quickly pinpointed and fired the hidden gun with skill developed from many, many years of experience. With the source of the magical bonds gone, everyone was freed, “Well, that was cool, so let’s get outside and wreck some shit up!” Deadpool said, taking the initiative and ripping his formal suit off the top of his normal one, teleporting out and back in with his weapons. There was a chittering outside, and everyone looked out to see the sun and sky blotted out by a seemingly infinitely large army of what looked like big, black dragonflies shaped like ponies. Harry pulled out his wand. “Accio, Sword of Gryffindor!” He cast, and the sword broke right through the wall to get to him. He then teleported away with Wilson and Deadpool. Ezio and Link climbed the walls and got outside. Chief, Arbiter, Adam, Steve, Gander, and Vital forced their way through the crowd. Blue broke and flew out of one of the windows. Soldier didn’t need an emergency change, so he simply blew a hole in the wall and left through that. Midna came up from the ground, looking at Celestia. “Hey, what are you doing?” The imp asked, watching the white alicorn grimace. Celestia was fighting a mental battle, one she was quickly losing. ‘Oh dear, dear, poor, foolish Celestia, did you think that I’d be slain so easily? The changelings are nothing if not tenacious.’ ‘Dear mother help me… you monster, first you try to take over Cadence’s position, now this?’ ‘Reformation through flame.’ Celestia opened her eyes, grunting in pain. “Sorry, I just… that was a terrible sight to see, and I had a front-row view.” ‘Celestia’ said, holding her head for a moment and spreading her wings. “Alright then, let’s go, fellow princess.” Midna said, sitting on Celestia’s back. The ‘princess’ got into a hover. “Twilight, Rarity, Applejack, Pinkie, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy… ohhh... get to the Elements of Harmony, I’m feeling faint…” The white alicorn said, nearly dozing off in the middle of her sentence. ‘Vhat is zis, anozzer veaken mind? Vunderbar!’ ‘What, who are you?’ ‘Doktor Richtofen, and don’t mind if I keep talking, it’s all just ein elaborate ruse to make you go crazy.’ ‘I feel a great evil from you, Richtofen.’ ‘Oh, you know how to flatter a man, haha!’ ‘Shut up, I need to pretend to be all weak so I don’t have to fight my changelings.’ ‘So, be veak, physically und mentally!’ ‘Celestia’ stopped hovering, stumbling and falling to the floor. “I think there was a spell cast on me… it’s hard to stay awake.” “Don’t worry, princess, we’ll get the Elements of Harmony and fix all this.” Twilight assured, looking to the others. The six mares threw off their movement-restricting dresses and galloped away, leaving Midna with Celestia. “Don’t worry, I’ll help you.” Midna said, staying close to Celestia. “Chief, there are enemies at… well… they’re all over the place.” Cortana 2.0 informed as John put his armor on. “Thanks, I saw that already, by the way.” Chief informed as he pulled up his DMR. Soldier was once again naked and covered in honey for some nonsensical reason, something that most of the group found disgusting. “Soldier, why? Just why?” Harry pleaded for a sensible answer. “If you need to fight the enemy, you need to be like the enemy, so I became naked and sticky!” “How are they sticky?” Wilson asked. “Don’t bugs have a sticky outer coating?” “Not these ones.” Arbiter said as he crushed a changeling’s skull with his fist. “Oh, well I’m still gonna wrestle them, RAAAAAAGH!” *German Suplex!!!* “They decided to attack as an army… unfortunately I am trained to fight against armies.” “How is that unfortunate?” Adam said as he showed the changelings his ‘little friend.’ Meaning his M16. “It’s unfortunate for them.” Chief said, firing his sniper rifle into the crowd. Whole rows of changelings fell to his bullets. AD17 had gone full Rambo as he fired a M249 one handed, using the other to feed a chain of bullets to the gun. “JAH! I AM SPEAKING LIKE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER NOW, JAH!” Ezio and Link were using their own skillsets to literally cut a path through the horde. “This isn’t ideal, but at least they have the durability of bokoblins.” Link said as he swung hard, cleaving through three changelings. “I have no idea what those are...” Ezio said as he stabbed a changeling through the neck. “... But I’m thinking that these bugs are as easy to kill as their smaller brethren.” Ezio finished as he pulled out and began to fight some more. It was true, already they had cut a path to the others. Arbiter jumped into the crowd, raising and smashing his Gravity Hammer into the swarm repeatedly. “GO FOR THE EYE!!!” Wilson yelled out, fighting changelings left and right with his sword. Vital and Gander were up on their hind legs, going back-to-back badass style. “I killed a few of these before they were found, ya know.” Vital said as he punched out a changeling. “My fellow magi were replaced by some of them, I incinerated one and telekinetically crushed another.” “Were there other casualties from them?” “The wizard used a spell, and the naked human covered in honey snapped another’s neck.” “Impressive, I will make sure to record their respectable acts of bravery against this most vicious enemy.” The mobster said as he shot through the horde. “That’s a kind and very odd gesture.” The mage said as he launched a Radiant Spear through seven changelings at once. They kept fighting for several seconds before suddenly. “I’m out, SWITCH!” Gander said, tossing his staff into the air and taking Vital’s M16. “What?” Vital said as he missed the staff. “I got the staff!” Deadpool said as he finished roshamboing a changeling. The mobster quickly darted over, grabbed the staff, then darted back to Gander’s back-side. “So how do I… do this…” The earth pony said, trying to cast a spell. “Just focus, earth ponies have magic too.” The unicorn said as he gunned down more and more of the seemingly endless army. Vital focused his will, and the staff launched a copper-colored beam of force through whole rows of changelings. “THERE’S TOO MANY OF THEM!” Deadpool said as a group of changelings spat a rubbery sort of liquid on him, binding his wrists. ‘Use your spin attack!’ “That’s Link’s move!” “What? Now is not the time to get caught up in a mental conversation, Deadpool.” “Use that area of effect attack Link! Spin!” Link nodded, rearing his sword back. He was, by luck, still on full hearts, so the Greater Spin Attack would. “Oof!” He was hit, taking off a quarter heart. He turned to the changeling that had hit him, shield bashed it, then used his iron boot to stomp through its skull. “HARDCORE!” Deadpool commended, pulling out Dual RPG-7s and firing them from an aerial angle. Ripping the changeling’s heart out and crushing it in his fist, Link recovered the quarter heart and charged up the Greater Spin Attack again. *SSSSHHHHHING!* *W-VHOOOM* The air distorted as energy ripped through a fifteen-foot-wide circle of the mooks. “Huh... Never expected him to rip out the heart.” Deadpool said, having only known Link’s kind side. But they just kept coming. Finally, after hundreds of minor hits added up to some major damage (and Chief and Deadpool getting heavily bound in rubbery goo) “JAH, I AM BEING SURROUNDED, AND COVERED IN RUBBER, JAH!!!” “Shut up Dav-MPH!!!” Wilson found himself suddenly covered in and gagged by the rubbery substance. With their endless numbers, the changelings finally took down all but Soldier, Blue Comet, and Link, the former of whom’s honey coating actually protected him from their attempts at binding him. “I WILL NOT STOP UNTIL EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU ARE DEAD, DYING, OR IN SOME WAY , SHAPE OR FORM, NOT GOING TO SURVIVE THE WAY TO THE HOSPITAL!!!” Soldier yelled out as he fought some more, snapping more necks and breaking even more thro-asses. Link did another spin attack, and switched to the Dragonscale Armor for better defense. However, due to his unfortunate luck, his wallet was being flooded with rupees from the countless dead foes, and soon he collapsed under the weight of his own defense. “Looks like it’s just you and me Soldier!” Blue said, firing his SBC SR at the Changelings. Another row went down, but one of them landed a blinding arc of goo over his eyes. “GAH!” He yelped, now only able to see through his camera scope. And that method was extremely difficult at this time. “It’s just black on black on black on bright and cheery!” He shouted, firing randomly. Soldier found himself getting fatigued from the constant fighting. Even a blood warrior like himself had limits. Soldier was just stupid enough to fight to said limit, and a little beyond. “If only Medic was here to give me an Uber.” “What? It’s hard to hear you over the buzzing army of gooey, scrapey death.” Blue said as he tripped over his own bound feet, falling and becoming covered. Indeed, the group was becoming doomed at the moment. “Oh no, we’re almost surrounded.” “Good, then we’ll make this job all the more easier.” A new voice came out. “Who’s that?” “Remember us~!” Crimson Gravel half-sang, walking in with Crushed Sauce. “Oh, no.” Celestia remembered these ponies all too well. “If only I had…” Midna disappeared into the shadows. “Now, where is she?” Crushed demanded from Celestia, holding her up. “Where is who?” Chrysalis asked. “Where’s The Druid Mistress?” “Who?” “You know, the anthropomorphic Fluttershy.” “Oh, I...” ‘Explain, now!’ ‘Normally I wouldn’t, but since this is my body, I will.’ ‘You’d die eizzer vay zough.’ ‘The yellow pony, Fluttershy, there’s another one of her, but she’s like these two.’ “I don’t know where she is, she’s hidden from even me.” Chrysalis wasn’t lying. “But I do.” “Now who’s that?” Crimson demanded, looking around for the new playmate. From the shadows came Maxwell, smiling widely as he knew what to do now. “I know exactly where she is, but I’ll only tell, if you help me out.” “Hold on, who in the sam-hell are ya?” Crushed Sauce asked the twig-like man. “I am Maxwell, Lord of the Umbra, I’ve finally mustered enough dark power to manifest a physical form permanently.” “So~, then tell us, where is she~?” “Well slow down there, pal, I was getting to that on my own… she’s between the twigs where the Discord lies in gold.” He riddled. “Oh Sweet... I hate those damn riddles, tell us in somethang simplar, or Ah’ll snap yer neck!” Crushed Sauce grabbed Maxwell by the collar of his vest. “Now let’s not get too hasty, pal, I’ll talk, The Druid Mistress is in the land of the free and the home of the chaos.” “The Everfree Forest.” Crimson figured. “Yes, and now I ask something from you.” “What?” “Take me to Condition One, I have some words to say to him now.” Maxwell said, smiling menacingly. “Iffin you say that like that, Ah think that’ll be a good idea.” “Alright then… I’ll be on my way.” Maxwell said, taking Applejack’s hands off his collar and stepping back. He was suddenly grabbed by a shadowy hand, and pulled down into the shadows. -Princess Luna’s Bedchambers- “Alright… with both good and evil darkness combined, I can use the power of my ancestors.” Midna said, looking at Maxwell and Luna. “If this is the best way to get through the changeling army, then I will do this voluntarily.” Luna vowed. “If I can leave afterward, let’s get this over with.” Maxwell accepted begrudgingly. Midna nodded, and began absorbing the dark power. She took the form of the Fused Shadow. Outside, the changelings were prying the bound heroes off the ground to transport them to their queen. The sky suddenly turned Cataclysm Orange. “Um, what’sssss up with the ssssky?” One changeling asked. “I think that’sssss a chemical reaction between the ozone layer and incoming epic danger… we ssssshould hurry up.” Another changeling answered. “Let’sssss hurry then!” The remaining few hundred changelings found themselves burdened by the weight of all the humans. Suddenly, an explosion blew part of the roof of one tower off, and a huge figure came flying out of it. “WHAT ISSSS THAT!” The figure revealed itself to be a massive, dark-colored beast, with turquoise, orange, and yellow highlights. It pulled out a massive spear made of light, smashing a dozen changelings with one swing. Flattening four changelings at a time with its massive hands and shooting dark turquoise beams of energy at the swarm, the Fused Shadow made quick work of the remaining changelings. Freeing the humans from the rubbery bonds with the blade of its spear, the Fused Shadow ceased its rampage and reverted back to Midna, who was now solid, Luna, who was a bit woozy, and Maxwell, who held his head in pain. “GAH, this manner of attack is much more painful than I’d have expected from this form of magic.” Maxwell complained. “Indeed, but it was under-powered.” “Underpowered? How?” Luna queried, shaking her head to clear the fog. “I was holding back, otherwise, you’d both be dead.” “Oh, that’s just joyful.” “Also, it’s supposed to, along with myself, draw from three sources of dark magic, and you’re only two, so it was draining both of you at a 150% rate.” Midna added. “MAXWELL!!!” Wilson raise his blade and charged to his most hated enemy. “After these pests are taken care of.” Maxwell motioned towards the charging group near them. He dropped into the shadows, leaving the two dark princesses alone with the group. “These beings shall not get closer!” Arbiter cut himself out of his bonds. “They have all been slain, dear humans… and Sangheili, and Twili.” Luna assured, looking around at the motionless corpses. The group looked around, and actually breathed a sigh of relief. “I was almost out of ammo.” Chief said, he’d been on his last magazines for each of his guns. “And I was very nearly killed.” Deadpool noted. “You can heal.” “Yeah, that’s why I was nearly killed.” “We were all nearly killed.” Link said. “Indeed, it was a tremendous battle.” Ezio and Arbiter said, confused at how they said the same thing at the same time. “I agree with the alien and hoody, now, who wants ribs?” Soldier asked, clapping his hands together. “Soldier… the changelings have exoskeletons, there are no ribs to eat from them.” “I wasn’t talking about bug meat, maggot!” “Oh.” “Also, put some clothes back on.” Wilson said. “Alright… but the honey kept me from getting trapped like you privates.” “It was surprising, to say the least.” Harry noted. “I’m glue, they’re rubber.” “Also, WE! CAN! SEE!!! *gasp* Your privates.” Wilson cried out, throwing a pair of pants at Soldier. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Maggot.” Soldier said as he begun to put his pants back on. The group looked around at the sea of bodies. Harry blew air, “So… it doesn’t stink nearly as bad as I would have thought.” He said, looking on the bright side. “No, it smells like… sour candy.” Deadpool said, scooping some of the blood up in his hand. “Ah, don’t eat it...” Harry scolded wearily, sounding like a tired mother. Wilson however already did, and did note the taste. “It’s a delicate taste between lemon, rum and... unagi?” Wilson thought of the weird taste. “I’m surprised you know what unagi tastes like.” Chief said. “I’ve managed to make some before in the wild, don’t ask.” “Right, Wilson’s taste-testing aside, we should get the clean-up crew out here.” Wilson felt some health come back, about 5 health, with a hunger satiating of 2, but came with a sanity drain of 3. He drank some more, only enough to recover his health. “STOP EATING IT!” Harry scolded, sounding like a stern mother. “As Deadpool would say, ‘don’t knock it until you try it.’” Wilson retorted, wiping the blood off of his face. “I have a stomach intolerance for seafood, it’s not a full allergy, but I’ll just vomit it back up.” Harry said, feeling a bit sick. “It’s not really seafood, it’s just tastes like it.” Wilson replied, taking some of the blood for himself for later. “I’m still not drinking the changeling blood.” Harry said, crossing his arms and looking around at the countless bodies. “Alright, but if you find yourself desperate, you know where to find the drink of health and hunger.” Wilson turned around and walked towards the castle. Ezio had finished stepping over the corpses along with Link, glad to get away from the inanity of the group. “Well, that was something Link.” Ezio half-panted. “Yes, it was.” Link replied. “Hey, you’re speaking like a normal person now.” “I didn’t notice… hmm.” Link hummed. “Maybe what the Fluttershy human-pony thing said was right, you are getting louder because of the need for it.” “I see… where is she anyways?” “I don’t know, but I think she contacted me with light-element magic.” “So, you think she’s alright?” “I hope so, look to the sun.” Ezio said. Link looked into the sun, and was sucked away by a force beyond physical power. “GAH!” Crimson yelped at the sudden appearance. “What the, why’d ya summon him!” Crushed demanded. “I didn’t!” Fluttershy said, looking at Link. Link looked around, trying to find out what was happening. It was the Everfree Forest, and in the center, was the three anthro ponies he met. He got up, and put on his Hero’s clothes, having too much money to make use of his Draconic Armor. “Step away from The Druid.” He commanded, drawing the Master Sword. “Crimson, hold ‘im off!” Crushed Sauce yelled out, grabbing The Druid by the arm. “Hush little baby, don’t say a word… momma’s gonna buy you a mockingbird.” Crimson sang as she pulled out a sword with bird wings for the crossbar. Link scowled, and twirled his sword in response. He looked to the trees, he trusted the trees. The Hero’s clothes trusted the trees. Crimson lashed forward, but soon found herself overpowered by Link’s strength, which was being amplified by being in the forest. For once, Pinkie was scared, she heard ghosties, and began to giggle madly. The ghosties didn’t go away. “HEEAAAH!” Link pushed the mare away with newfound might and prepared his stance once more. Pinkie found herself being held down, it felt like a dozen children’s hands were keeping her from moving. Link saw the phantom images of children, no older than maybe Talo or Beth, they were clad in green, like he was, and seemed to be helping him by constricting Crimson. Link prepared to perform a fatal strike. Pinkie closed her eyes. *SHINK* Pinkie found herself not to be in pain at all, and opened her eyes. Link had stabbed the ground next to her face, and was looking directly into her eyes. “I will not slay you… because I know that you need help…” He pulled out his ocarina. “What are you...” . . . . . . < . . < . . . > . . > . . . \/ . . \/ . . . . . . You played: Song of Healing Pinkie felt her brain being torn to shreds. Crushed felt the same way, she turned to look at the hero. Evil magic billowed out of both of their ears, leaving them cleansed of corruption. RAAAAAHHH!!! The moans of anger filled the air until the area was silent. The two mares fell to the ground, unconscious from shock. Link breathed heavily and walked over to Fluttershy, helping her up. Fluttershy hugged Link. “THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!” “GIH!” Link found himself being squeezed far too tightly for his lungs to breathe, “JIHE-EE-EH!” He choked out. Fluttershy loosened the hug, “Sorry.” “It’s alright... I only helped.” “You looked to the sun, didn’t you?” Fluttershy asked. “Yes… but I felt something else there too.” Link looked at the sun again. The screams and shrieks of evil spirits filled his ears, and all went white. -An unknown plane of existence- Link found himself standing on a field made of light red energy, a tall, fancily-dressed man standing on the edge, looking at sun. “Ah, you must be the Hero of Time. Pleasure to meet your acquaintance.” “And you are?” “I have many names, Diablo, the Morning Star, the Light Bringer, the Taint Master, but my friends just call me Lucifer.” “You are the father of Damon, AD17 told me about you.” “Yes, my bratty son got too big for his britches and decided to forge out an empire on his own.” He turned towards Link and sighed. “I sent him to Europe to take the souls of sinners, but grew mad at the church.” “I thought people like you corrupt-” “I don’t care what you think… but really though, did you honestly believe that the MASTER OF LIGHT would taint people?” “Uhh...” “My brother is evil, but he also rules his own plane, and he just waits for the sinners to come, he doesn’t even bother in the worldly affairs.” “Uhh…” “But you’d be very correct if you believed that the Master of Light would taint people, I mean, one of my names is ‘The Taint Master’... but I digress.” “S-so... tell me, what did Damon use you for, The Druid Mistess told me about...” “He tried to get me to corrupt Thor, and that failed, that bastard has an incorruptible will, just like you.” Lucifer pointed a glass-looking sword at Link. “Oh...” “And, you see, I like the people that I can’t corrupt, it makes it more of a satisfying victory when I work for it… so let’s fight, shall we?” Lucifer shrank down to Link’s size and drew his own sword. “Very well.” Link replied, drawing his sword and shield. Devil of Law, Tyrant of Light Lucifer Choose your theme: 1 or 2 Lucifer started by taking to the air and sending bolts of light down at Link. Link rolled out of the way and took out his bow and arrows. “HA, do you honestly think that’s will work?” Lucifer said as he blasted the arena with bright light, blinding Link. Then there was sudden, sharp pain through Link’s back, and he was soon thrown across the room. “I expected better.” Lucifer pointed out, clearly annoyed at the lack of challenge. Link however knew two things now. One, he controlled light. Two, he would not allow arrows to be fired. Readying his stance again, he held the Master Sword tight, with a grip of courage. He ran quickly, an after-image following him. Lucifer countered with a parry, throwing Link’s silvery blade away as his wine-red blade stabbed the hero. Link grit his teeth almost hard enough to break them from the searing pain he felt. “I expected better.” Link responded by kneeing the light devil in the crotch, then stabbing him with the Master Sword. “OOOOOOOHHH!!! That smarts… I see what you were feeling, oh great... good one.” Link narrowed his eyes. “The Tyrant Sword, the blade of good’s bane.” Lucifer showed Link the sword in full view. The shape was the same as the Master Sword, but the crossguard was a pair of demonic wings instead of angelic ones. The blade was as red as wine, with a gleaming golden hilt. “In the end, we are the bane of each other’s existence.” Link mused. “Exactly, so what hope have you against me in an even attack and defense in my favor?” “A couple wise men once told me...” Link jumped into the shadows. “Oh spare me your silly wisemen speak.” Lucifer said, shining his light all over the arena and blotting out any sight of Link’s shadow travel. “...If you wish.” Lucifer then found himself being stabbed in the back by a new addition to Link arsenal. A hidden blade, only accessible by Link’s Twilight Armor. “Gah! So you have a knife? Well that won’t help you.” “Not just a knife.” Link said, pointing to the clear liquid on the base. “Poison? You clearly don’t know me.” Lucifer began to bring out light from all directions, only to find that the armor was blotting out the magic. “Hmm, clever. I was beginning to think I overestimated you.” “And all shall find peace in the shadow of the great three goddesses, for there all is well.” Link recited, holding his sword so tightly that his knuckles turned white. “What is that supposed to do? Are you some sort of paladin now?” *clank clank clank clank clank* “I beg to differ.” The Hero’s Shade said, walking in from the snowy heights of the Mountain of Masters. “Oh, it is you. It has been many years since we last met.” Lucifer said. “And what a great many years it has been, to not have to deal with your flippant attitude towards the concept of battle.” “How about we make this battle interesting then.” Lucifer then used his magic to transform the Hero’s Shade into the form he had as a mortal. Link looked up at Lucifer. Link looked down at Link. “What.” Link said flatly, looking down at his ancestor. “Yes Link, the resemblance is uncanny, no?” “Only 100 years in between you two.” Lucifer added. Twilight Link stabbed Lucifer in the back with the Master Sword, dropping off. Ocarina Link threw off his heavy armor, revealing the original Hero’s Clothes. Lucifer recovered from his strike, and readied his stance. “This hardly seems fair.” Twilight Link said. “Well when you’re fighting a boss, you take what you can get.” Ocarina Link said, raising the Hero’s Sword, a much less powerful copy of the Master Sword, he had it since Twilight Link had the Master Sword. “Agreed.” Lucifer said, splitting into two copies of himself. Both Links readied themselves, and looked on. Only one Lucifer was real, so one of them would be right. Twilight Link switched to the Magic Armor, since his wallet was full to capacity. The four clashed, the false light-devil disappearing when Twilight Link hit it, the real one grunting when Ocarina Link stabbed it. “GAH! No matter, I have health to spare.” Lucifer spat, slapping Ocarina Link away with a backhand. Twilight Link rolled into Lucifer’s sight, and performed a Back Slash. Needless to say, Lucifer didn’t have much time to react, and was pushed back. “Enough of this, SUN, ANSWER ME!” A few sunspots appeared, and the sky darkened as the ultimate source of light answered its master. A face appeared on the sun. “Great, just like Termina.” Ocarina Link muttered. “Termina? This is the first I’ve heard of such a place.” “You’ve met with a terrible fate, haven’t you?” And then all went light… Ocarina Link threw something to Twilight Link, an object, it looked like a heart. Twilight Link grabbed it. It was a large, spiky heart with wide, circular orange eyes. His ears were ringing, but he barely made out the message. “PUT THE MASK ON!” Ocarina Link instructed before he was disintegrated in the burning light of the sun. Link put the mask on, and the light faded. The sky became much darker, and the moon rose, with it’s own face. Lucifer’s face fell as he stared up at the moon. “You’ve met with a terrible fate, haven’t you?” And all went dark. Lucifer managed to shield himself from the brunt of the dark magic, but when the darkness faded back into the unpowered light of the sun, he saw Link right in front of him. Link’s willpower made sure that the mask did not corrupt him, and he raise his sword above his head. “... I... conceed. You win, Hero of Time.” Link lowered his sword. Lucifer slashed him away, “HAHAHA! You really thought that I, the great Devil of Light, would be so easily defeated? COME ON!” So Link came on, and with courage driving him forward, he liberated Lucifer’s body of his stupid-faced bleach-blond-haired head. I.E. he decapitated him. The head rolled down to Link’s feet, and Link sighed. “It’s over, even a devil has his limits… and Lucifer just didn’t recognize his.” He opened the chest left behind, “I just hope that self-overestimation runs in the family.” You have obtained: The Tainted Tuxedo This armor protects you from all evil, however your sword, the Master Sword, will be replaced by the Tyrant Sword, and you will be classified as evil. It’s appearance also lets you get into many magnificent events that require formal wear. Finally, it seems that Lucifer’s time as an angel has left a stain, and with this suit equipped, you can summon gray angelic wings. Be careful to not give into the corruption. Link nodded, and then grabbed the larger-than-normal heart container next to the chest. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ “Alright, now I can face Damon.” Link said as he equipped the Tainted Tuxedo and struck the ground. And everything turned white. “Link, you okay?” Link groaned as his ears rang and his eyes refused to open for a few seconds. “Link, two things, one; bitchin’ suit, two; what the hell happened?” Wade asked, looking over Link. Link’s eyes snapped open, and the light of the sun greeted him, not hurting his eyes at all. Ezio glared at Link. “What is it Ezio?” “You have come up red, Link, I want an explanation before I am forced to assassinate you.” Ezio said, grabbing Link by the collar. “It might be because he has a tuxedo, if you’re not James Bond, you’re usually evil.” “Relax, I am on your side, I merely had an... altercation.” “An altercation?” Ezio asked. “I looked towards the sun, and found myself fighting Lucifer himself.” “Damon’s father?” Harry recalled that detail. “Yes, I slayed him, and took this armor, and something else from him.” “Really now?” “I was told that wearing this armor would mark me as evil.” “Well, that sword reeks of evil.” Twilight said, sticking her tongue out in disgust at the sight of it. Link drew the wine-red blade and looked at it, touching it. Nothing. He laid it on Ezio’s hand. “Yep, it stings, a lot.” Ezio said, pulling away. “Oh, me next, I bet that it feels like- A BILLION FIRE ANTS EATING AWAY AT MY FLESH!!!” Wade pulled back as the burn marks appeared on the back of his hand. “This is the Tyrant Sword, the blade of good’s bane… I’ll just change.” Link said, suddenly appearing in the Hero’s Clothes with the Master Sword. “Good idea.” Ezio said. “Good, I was worried for a minute there.” Midna said, grabbing Link’s leg and holding on. “Uh, yes, don’t worry Midna, I am alright.” “Good, because we have two anthropomorphic ponies laying downstairs, generally feeling bad about themselves.” Twilight said. “Well… I can test to see if they’re-” “No need for your flaming sword of holy vengeance, Link, my Eagle Vision has assured me that they are fine.” “The pink one cries like crazy, I unwillingly took a shower in her tears when she woke up, and I still want a towel.” Wilson said, still wet. “Yeah, we should take a look at them at the very least.” Harry said, leading the group downstairs. The two agents sat on the floor, the red-clad one crying like a thunderstorm, the brown-clad one mumbling to herself and rocking back and forth in a fetal position. “Ah didn’ want this, Ah didn’ want this, Ah didn’ want this.” She repeated to herself in a mantra. “By Nayru’s love...” “Speaking of love, we’ve managed to clean up most of the invasion’s mess and the wedding is back on for later today.” Shining said, giving Cadence a kiss on the cheek and a hug of safety. “And you missed the bachelor party.” Soldier added. “Yes, Ezio did let himself... go crazy.” Shining said. “I did not go crazy.” Ezio denied. “Dude, you ripped off your shirt and molested one of the maids.” “All the while screaming ‘IN THE NAME OF JESUS, I SHALL PURGE YOUR SINS WITH MY 9-INCH NAIL!’... it was a bold proclamation.” Deadpool said. “EZIO!” Link found himself shocked at the explanation. “Okay… I drank too much wine… but that last part… I might have done sober, albeit much more subtly and quieter.” “It wasn’t as loud as Wade said it, to be honest.” Soldier scratched his chin. “I think they were behind closed doors when that happened.” Soldier said. “And I can’t help but notice that Ezio has not put his shirt back on.” Chief said. Indeed, Ezio’s tan chest and stomach were bare, showing his muscles. “What can I say, amico, if it is damaged, I cannot use it.” “Just get Rarity to fix it, for bloody hell’s sake!” Harry said. Luckily Ezio still had his hood and cape, so that was something. “I think it’s fine… he looks bette-... less stupid this way.” Rainbow Dash said, staring at Ezio’s finely chiseled musculature and drooling slightly, “I could use a ‘purging’ too...” “I think the only ones of us that don’t look at least somewhat like that are Harry, Wilson, and Adam.” “Lady Rainbow Dash, why do you not just admit your feelings for me? It would make both of our lives much easier.” Ezio insisted, giving Rainbow a boop on the nose. “GAH! I… I don’t know what you’re talking about… idiot.” She said, flying away with a blush all over her face. “Sir Ezio, please stop antagonizing dear Rainbow Dash and just… wear the casual robes I made for you.” Rarity insisted, pushing him towards the castle to get changed. “Alright, I will do it, alone.” Ezio said as he parkoured up the tower to the room. “Or you can wear the spare tuxedo I made in the case that you wanted it!” Rarity called out to him. Ezio stopped, looked down at her, nodded, then continued upwards. “So… I guess we’re on cleanup duty while Ezio gets dressed?” Wilson guessed. “It would be best if you did… thank you for volunteering, everyone… and no explosive cleaning.” ‘Celestia’ said in a trolling tone. “Trollestia strikes agaaaaaaiiinnn~!” Wade shouted as he teleported away. Everyone laughed a little bit, but then realized that ‘Celestia’ was serious. “Uh... What does...” “I’M A MOOOOOOOOOOOONSTER!!!” The anthro Pinkie cried out, covering ‘Celestia’ in her tears. Many people and ponies in the group tensed up. “No worries, my little ponies, this is relatively easy to take care of, unlike the source of the problem.” ‘Celestia’ assured the group, looking over the two agents. “Yes, I agree. It’s just salty water. These two...” Twilight trailed off. “I’ll have some therapists help them out, maybe let Blue Comet talk to them as well. Fluttershy is talking with her copy at the moment. You may all take your leave.” Everyone nodded and returned upstairs. There was still a lot of work to do. David was stocking up on the S&W .500 ammo he needed for his revolver, and set aside his now underpowered Pythons. “Alright David, just get the ammo, look for Rarity, and help her get here, easy!” He said to himself. “Condition One!” David froze and turned towards the door. Damon was there, clearly angry. “BOOOSS!” David nervously responded. ‘I’d say that too.’ “Enough!” Damon smacked David with a backhand, sending the man tumbling to the floor. Damon grabbed David by the collar of his armor and brought him up to eye-level with his unusually purple eyes. “You caused the downfall of this group, and by the name of my God-damned father, you will at least hasten this downfall by stopping these humans, as soon as you can!” David, thoroughly scared, gulped and meekly replied. “Y-y-yes Damon, right away! J-just don’t... just don’t hurt her, please!” Damon let go of David and scoffed. “Fine, Mahogany is expensive anyway. You got three days.” Damon walked out of the room, leaving David panting and scared. ‘Oh, love of Christ, what have I done? I’ve basically killed Rarity...’ ‘What’s next, you getting Stockholm Syndrome?’ ‘Fuck off!’ ‘Am I developing Stockstolb syndrome? Why am I doing this?’ ‘The proper term is Flowers Nightingale syndrome, which is where the roles are reversed.’ Chrysalis, still in Celestia’s body, was acting as the officiator for the wedding. Everyone was redressed in their previous formal wear, all except Ezio and Link, who were now wearing their respective tuxedos. “If anyone has any objections as to why these two should not get married, speak now, or deal with it, forever.” Suddenly, another Shining Armor burst through the door. “YOU FORGOT THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS!” He shouted. Ezio activated Eagle Vision, and the new Shining Armor came up red. “Enough of these changeling blame-games.” Ezio said, pointing to Link and Adam, who were standing at the doors. Link grabbed the red Shining, made a ‘come on’ gesture to Adam, and the two left the hall, closing the door behind them. “Alright now, I suppose that’s no reason to say this marriage is illegitimate, so I now pronounce you two, stallion and wife! You may now kiss the bride!” The two shared the sealing kiss of love and fate. The crowd cheered, and the humans smiled at this wonderful moment. “I am so happy.” Wade sniffed a bit. “Now it’s time for the PARTY!” Pinkie cheered. “Alright, let’s do this!” Rainbow Dash pumped her hooves. The cyan pegasus flew out the window that Blue Comet had broken earlier, and started up the Sonic Rainboom. By the time everyone had filed outside, the Rainboom was ready It just needed a little extra kick. “It’s beautiful.” Ezio mused. “It hasn’t happened yet, she’s still charging up.” “I was talking about her…” Ezio followed Rainbow’s movements with his eyes. “Yeah, we figured as much considering what you’ve been doing.” Harry said. Ezio ignored Harry’s remark and raised his hand to give Rainbow Dash a thumbs-up. Rainbow saw the gesture, and that was the little kick she needed. *BOOM* A circular rainbow blasted from the point Rainbow had broken the sound barrier at, and the result was both awe-inspiring and beautiful. “BEST! WEDDING! EVER!” Rainbow cheered to herself, keeping up her flight for another minute before slowing down. By that point, the sun was going down, and the party was ready to begin. -A bit later- Everyone was dancing and having a grand ol’ time. “DID YOU SEE THAT RAINBOOM? That was my best one YET! Ohmigosh this is all just SO AWESOME!” Rainbow’s voice cracked on those last two words. Ezio just chuckled at the face Rainbow made. “And hey, thanks for that little push I needed.” Rainbow said. “It was no problemo, Rainbow Dash, I only help when I am needed after all.” “It pretty much saved me from failing to do the Rainboom, you’re awesome Ezio.” “Yes, I suppose I am, in more ways than one.” Ezio wagged his eyebrows. Rainbow Dash suddenly kissed Ezio, full on, no holds barred, on the lips “Oh wow... yep, it finally happened!” Deadpool said. “EEP!” Dash realized what she’d just done, and covered her muzzle with her hooves, blushing furiously. Ezio found himself blushing ever-so-slightly at the sudden kiss and placed hand on his cheek. “I’d be embarrassed too.” “Heyoo.” Steve said as he began to eat some more keish. “I… I can’t believe that I just…” Rainbow’s mind as racing. “If it is any consolation, I was not bothered by it.” Ezio assured, flashing her a confident, charming smile. “You weren’t bothered by that? How?” Dash inquired, getting a bit indignant. “Rainbow Dash, I am an old white man, nothing is going to weird out or bother an old white man.” Ezio explained cockily. “That sounds like a challenge.” Dash accepted the challenge, flying away and planning. “If you both are gonna f-PHM!!!” “No talking about that, Wade!” Wilson said, covering Wade’s mouth with his hand. “Okay.jpeg.” Wade said dejectedly, slumping and walking away. “Well, my pre-20th-century friends, I must say that you both wear suits well.” Adam said, noting both men’s rather amazing attire. Ezio’s suit was topped off by a wide-brimmed fedora, which still performed the job (albeit less effectively) of concealing his eyes. Link’s suit was topped off by a top-hat with a greenish-gold band around the base. Everyone was just having a really good time. Even Crimson and Crushed had recovered enough to join the celebration, though they decided to stay far off to the side to avoid being seen.. Everything was looking good. -Meanwhile- “Okay, I got ammo, I got my weapons, and I got a clear mission now. What am I missing?” ‘Perhaps you would like to ask the person who is reading your mind, and talking to it at the same time.’ ‘Great, now my life is complete.’ ‘My physical form now exists, but I can’t pass up the opportunity to, as you would say, ‘be a dick’ towards Condition One.’ ‘All of my hate.’ ‘This is why most people hate Mondays, annoying pricks.’ Nothing was looking good for David, not at all. -A Few Weeks Later- Twilight and Midna stood in front of ‘Celestia’. “So… um… *ahem*...I-” “Save it, ‘Celestia’, we know what happened.” “Oh, well then, get onto that Crystal Kingdom mission then.” The nervous mare said, looking side to side. “No, about what happened after John blew your head off, Chrysalis.” Chrysalis stood firm, “We all saw it, her brains went splattering across the floor.” “And your mind took over Celestia’s body.” Midna continued. “But we’re going to help Celestia.” Twilight declared her horn alight with magic. Midna’s hair lurched upwards into hand form, and the hand darted towards the white alicorn. Chrysalis cried out in pain as her mind was forced from Celestia’s body Twilight, fuelled by hatred, grabbing the ethereal essence of Chrysalis’s power in her telekinesis. She forced the changeling queen to take a physical form, then she dismembered that form and beat it to death with the disembodied limbs. Then, she patched the body back together and zoomed to be right in front of Chrysalis, sliding forward on a cloud of sorcery. “You, will not, harm, my friends, AGAIN!” The furious unicorn beat the changeling down further with every part of that sentence. Finally, she crushed Chrysalis’ body into a tiny ball and drowned her remaining power in a flood of wrath. Breathing hard and snorting a few times, Twilight calmed herself down and looked at Celestia. The look she got back was one of worry and fear. “Are you alright?” Twilight asked, concerned. “Yes… are you?” Celestia replied, thankful to finally have her body back. “I feel alright… so… Crystal Kingdom eh?” The lavender unicorn queried. “Yeah, let me explain.” Celestia replied, standing up again. “Glad to have helped.” Midna said with a smile. Then they talked for a few minutes. -One Hour Later, on the train ride- AD17 looked at everyone on the train, first at Rarity, who had fallen asleep next to him, then at Soldier, who was sitting next to John, picking his nose yet again. “Well, things might be interesting in the coming day or two.” The purple-clad god said, laughing at his obvious understatement. Harry laughed with him, “Well, there might be surprises too, like what if some chaos happened, right now… wait I need to check that now, I’m bloody worried now.” He quietly cast a spell. John checked his radar, worried as well. They both found that there was a large, unidentified object coming straight at them, and they were going straight at it. “STOP THE TRAIN!” Harry and John simultaneously shouted in equally commanding tones. John raced towards the head of the train. Twilight was curious and scared, “Why? What is so bad that we need t-?” Suddenly, the train collided with another train, and all went dark.