"Silent Mouse was rolling around in the field like he normally does. I mean there's not much else he can do, having no legs and all."
"Oh Celestia. Rainbow Dash..."
"Hey! No interrupting the story!"
"Fine..."
"Silent Mouse was rolling around in the field when suddenly he stopped. Everyday he would do this. He would suddenly stop playing, and contemplate his lack of potential, how he couldn't do anything... He was a sad pony.
"But this day was different. This day, the bodacious Queen Muscles found her lump of a subject crying in a field of grass from his blind eyes, on an otherwise happy day. She bent down, and almost tore out her own muscles to give to the poor pony, but then she realized something. She realized that she would need her muscles to power the city.
"So she went over her body parts. Her muscles and body were obviously too important. And she couldn't get anywhere except the ground without her wings. But her horn was utterly useless except for levitating a few things!"
Twilight gaped. "Unicorn horns aren't useless!"
"Well, you can't move around with them well." Rainbow Dash shrugged. After all, what was the use in something if it couldn't move things?
"I can teleport!" Twilight almost yelled.
Really? When did she teleport? If Rainbow Dash could teleport, she'd teleport all over the place. Heck, she wouldn't even have to get up to go to the bathroom! "You can? Then why don't you?"
"I do it all the time!" Twilight fumed.
Rainbow smirked. Yeah right. "No ya don't."
"Anyway, after figuring out which body part she could lose without hurting her ponies, Queen Muscles popped off her horn—"
"Popped?" Twilight cringed and held a hoof over her horn, as if it could come off at any moment. Rainbow Dash had to chuckle at the sight.
"Yeah!" Rainbow moved her hoof to where a horn would be. "Like: *shplup*" She moved her tongue past her upper lip and pulled her hoof as if taking off her own make-believe horn.
Twilight shuddered. "It's okay horn, nothing's gonna happen to you, I promise..." She pet her horn. What was it, a symbiote or something?
"Aaanyway, are you gonna keep interrupting me?" Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow.
"Sorry." Twilight grinned sheepishly.
Rainbow Dash shook her head, smiling. "Heh, it's like teaching you the history of the Wonderbolts all over again, you just can't sit still and listen."
"Yeah— Hey!—"
"So Queen Muscles took off her horn and ploped it onto Lumpy's—I mean, Silent Mouse's—head.
"Suddenly SM could see! With his unicorn sense! And the first thing he saw? The bodacious bod of the now Pegasus Queen. And the first thing he thought? He was glad her look wasn't tarnished by that silly horn sticking out of his head.
"And with a kiss to the forehead similar to one given in war, the bodacious Queen left her subject to discover his new gift. After all, she had to deal with the mile long dragons that regularly attacked the city.
"And discover his gift he did. But along with it, due to his only sense being unicorn or something, he also discovered something else: he discovered evil, villainry within the city he thought was perfect. However, now that he could see it, he had to do something about it..."
Rainbow Dash beamed. She could tell that everything that just came out of her mouth was totally radical. Even Twilight, Ponyville Queen of Books (she's married to the books) had to accept its awesomeness! "And thus begins the tale of the lump that saved the world!"
But Twilight wasn't smiling.
"Well," Twilight shrugged and raised her eyebrows. Maybe she wasn't able to comprehend it. "Besides being completely racist, it's actually a huge improvement. I'm kind of amazed."
"Really?" Rainbow Dash smiled. After all, the queen of books was praising her story! ...But something was wrong: Twilight still wasn't smiling. "...But?"
"Well, I don't want to be harsh. Like I said, that was a huge improvement, and I don't want to discourage—" Twilight rambled.
Rainbow Dash frowned. "Just spit it out. I can fly through trees, I'm sure I'm tough enough for some criticism."
Twilight sighed. Was she not getting enough air? Maybe Rainbow Dash should have moved them to the ground to help her friend breathe easier.
"Okay." Twilight sighed again. "Your story was pretty good for a beginner—"
"For a beginner!?" Rainbow Dash shouted. She was more than just a beginner! She had been reading books for at least a year now!
Twilight tried to say something, probably to calm Rainbow Dash down some more, but apparently she couldn't think of anything. Then she opened her mouth again, "Yeah, a beginner. You know writing books is different than reading them, right?"
Rainbow Dash tilted her head. It was?
"Well, it is," Twilight said. "And the thing you're missing is description—"
Rainbow was about to protest. She had described everything well enough. But Twilight held up a hoof.
"Think of it like this:" Twilight continued, "If you were watching the story you told, could you really describe Queen Muscles, Silent Mouse, any of the other ponies or creatures, or any of the locations they were in? Could you draw a picture after hearing your story? And could you understand and feel the feelings of the characters that you're focusing on? Because if your readers can't describe what should be important to them, then your story isn't descriptive enough.
"Your story did portray some of Silent Mouse's and Queen Muscle's thoughts and emotions, but only barely."
Rainbow Dash opened her mouth to protest, but then she thought about what Twilight said. What did Queen Muscles' city look like? She supposed it looked like a lot Canterlot, but really, it would have to be much cooler. And what did the fields look like? Were they sunny? Or was the weather cloudy there to reflect Lumpy's mood? And what was it like, really, to be a lump with almost no senses? What was it like to consider removing an important part of yourself to give to somepony with less fortune? It was hard to fathom either of those...
And she was feeling a bit cross too! Her story was pretty good! What!? Was she supposed to describe every blade of grass?
"Oh?" Rainbow Dash leaned forward, challenge etched into her features. "Can you come up with a better story then?"
Twilight smirked, "Gladly."