"Discord! Are you still there? Please answer," said Celestia, galloping back and forth in the statue gallery as though she would be able to locate my hiding spot, even though she had no way of knowing if I was even still present at all. I couldn't bear to see her in distress, so I immediately made myself visible again, but without the usual accompanying fanfare this time. Well, okay, I at least toned it down a bit, anyway.
She stopped short and then trotted back over to me, the smile returning to her face. "Where did you go? I apologize for my sister's terrible rudeness. I just don't know what has gotten into her at all. She's normally much more pleasant to be around."
I held up a hand. "She has every right to distrust me. After all, as she said, she knows nothing about me and, indeed, I did just appear here out of the blue without warning."
It didn't register to her at all that I had just let slip that I had been eavesdropping on their earlier conversation. "That still doesn't give her the right to-" Celestia began.
I put a finger on her lips. "It's okay, my dear Celestia. Her nature is simply different from your own. You are a very kind, trusting individual, and your sister is simply more… cautious. I understand completely. I promise you I will do everything in my power to prove your sister wrong, to prove to both her and you and everypony else that I mean you no harm."
"Y-you don't have to convince me," said Celestia, shaking her head slightly.
"I am gratified that you trust me," I said, flashing her one of my warmest smiles, which rewarded me with another pretty blush of her cheeks.
At this point, you must forgive me if I skip ahead a bit. I don't want to bore you with the trivialities that went along with my relationship with Celestia and the mistrustful interactions with her sister. Suffice it to say that nothing… untoward happened between Celestia and me during that time. I kept things purely chaste, though I'm pretty sure Celestia herself would have been more than willing to, shall we say, expedite the relationship. Aside from little gestures like kissing her hooves or a bit of nuzzling or the occasional rare hug, I refrained from going any further if only because the thought of becoming… truly intimate in that way with a mortal creature, even with one as beautiful as my dear Celestia, filled me with a nameless dread and not a little disgust. As I said, I was still a young Q back in those days, but even now the thought doesn't appeal to me. Besides, you know how Q mate, and you know that this would not have satisfied a purely physical being in the slightest. Anyway, I was interested in her mind and spirit, not her body, as easy on the eyes as it may have been. Honestly, the fact that she was as patient with me as she was, despite her longing, only endeared her to me even more, and I believe that my reticence somehow endeared me to her even more as well. We merely met in a secluded corner of the statue gallery on the evenings she was free from her studies and we talked, nothing more than that. And these were indeed some of the most refreshingly delightful conversations I've ever had with a lesser being. Well, I'll be honest. It very quickly came to be that I didn't even really consider her to be a "lesser" being anymore. Even though she was not a Q, I still almost considered her to be an equal, at least in intellect and wisdom if not in power and ability. There were times when I almost considered revealing my true nature to her.
As for Luna, despite her earlier promise to her sister, she was never more than merely tolerant of me, and even that was a stretch most of the time. She continued to mistrust me, what very few times she chose to join us during our excursions. And her mistrust grew deeper, despite the fact that I acted as nothing other than the most prim and proper of gentlemen toward both her and her sister. I think my blatant attempts to win her over as I had her sister merely had exactly the opposite of the intended effect. She just seemed to be waiting for the hammer to finally drop, no matter how much I tried to convince her that I meant them no harm, and at the time I truly didn't, despite my growing frustration with Luna. Nothing short of me mentally dominating her would have changed that, but that simply would have justified everything she imagined about me, and I didn't want to give her the satisfaction. Also, of course, if I had done that, it would have gravely upset Celestia, and I obviously didn't want to do that either. I held my anger in check and kept it from showing, but the little filly was truly starting to get under my skin. Still, to her credit, she did keep her other promise and didn't tell their parents or anyone else about me. In the end, it turned out that she didn't have to, as they found out about me on their own, with catastrophic results.
You see, I had been watching their parents along with every other creature on the planet. You recall how I said that I was conducting little experiments with the haughtier ponies, yes? Well, her father was one of the haughtiest ponies in the whole land. Sure, he was the ruler of all of Equestria, but even taking that into account, he was still a right ass. Granted, he never mistreated his subjects or his family, but even so… I longed to make an example of him. It was only out of concern for Celestia that I held myself in check. Eventually, however, it got to a point where I could barely contain myself, and so, I arranged circumstances so that he would "accidentally" discover us during one of our little excursions.
It was almost a century to the day after my first meeting with Celestia when it happened. Celestia and I were sitting on a bench beneath a large wild apple tree that had recently been imported from the nearby lands that, in later millennia, would come to be known as Ponyville. I had just told a particularly charming and romantic story about some inconsequential trifle or another, and as I looked down at Celestia, she was gazing back up at me. Her eyes were half-lidded and her lips slightly parted and upturned in a small smile and her cheeks were once again aflame. I found it to be rather intoxicating, despite myself. I knew exactly what it was that she wanted, and after all this time, I finally decided to give it to her, despite my own lingering reservations on the matter. I slowly lowered my head down toward hers. I think she realized that it was finally about to happen (and happen for the first time, I say again, despite all of the subtle and not-so-subtle hints she had been giving me over the years) because she tilted her face farther upward slightly. Our lips drew closer together and were just about to meet when…
"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?" came a deep, booming voice from a short distance away. So this was the infamous Royal Voice that the Alicorn ponies had developed? I was not impressed in the slightest. Celestia jerked and almost toppled off of the bench. She had to grab onto me to keep from falling completely, while I merely turned my gaze slowly and deliberately toward the source of the voice. I knew that things were just about to get very interesting. I hadn't planned for us to be discovered right at that exact moment, mind you, but it couldn't have worked out better if I had.
"Father?" squeaked Celestia. "What are you-"
"What is this creature?" said the imposing Alicorn standing before me, still speaking in that obnoxious tone of voice. He was large. Very large. Even larger than Celestia herself would come to be at the height of her power. He was almost completely black, though it was more a very deep purple, much darker than that of Princess Luna. This included his mane and tail and even the horn on his head. However, he also sparkled. I don't just mean that he was covered in white spots that looked like stars. I mean that he looked like he was literally covered with miniature stars themselves, or at least gemstones of some sort, though they were a natural part of his body and not some sort of affectation. His cutie mark was itself a large star. Actually, it was more like the core of a galaxy than a star. I could feel the raw power simply exuding from every pore in his body. And right now, he looked like he was getting ready to direct every bit of that power right between my yellow and red eyes. Celestia looked like she might faint, but I merely continued to stare at the newcomer, my calm unwavering. "Answer me at once!" he commanded.
Celestia was almost gibbering at this point. "Father, please calm down! I-I can explain everything." She finally let go of me and rose from the bench. I could easily see that her entire body was trembling.
The large Alicorn never took his gaze off of me. "Well?" he said.
"T-this is Discord," said Celestia. "He is a draconequus. I met him… just the other day, and-"
"My dear Celestia," I said, putting my lion's paw on her shoulder and interrupting her. My familiar manner with his daughter did not go unnoticed by her father, just as Celestia's grabbing of me earlier hadn't either. "You shouldn't lie to your father like that. We met nearly one hundred years ago, sir." Celestia cringed as I said this.
The large Alicorn's eyes widened. "One hundred years? That's around the time when…" His eyes narrowed again. "Creature, what are you doing here with my daughter? And what have you been doing with my daughter for the past century?" His implications were clear, as made evident by the deepening blush on Celestia's face, despite the fact that nothing of the sort had occurred.
"We are merely enjoying a pleasant evening filled with delightful conversation, just as we have every other time that we've been meeting like this. I assure you, sir, that I have been the very Platonic ideal of a gentleman."
The Alicorn turned to Celestia and addressed her in that damnable voice that made me want to just turn him into a chipmunk or an earthworm or something. "Why have you not brought him before me in all of this time? SPEAK, girl, and stop trembling like a day old foal." This, obviously, only made her shrink back and tremble all the more. I could tell that this was the first time in a very, very long time that her father had felt the need to raise his voice to her like this, and she didn't quite know how to handle it.
Obviously, this guy was long past the point of beginning to irk me, and I felt a sudden urge to protect my dear Celestia from him and his detestable voice, but I held my tongue for the moment and let her speak for herself, not that it helped. "I-I'm sorry father. I was p-planning to introduce him to you soon, b-but…"
Her father turned sharply to me again, all but ignoring Celestia's stammering. "Creature, I demand to know what you have done to my daughter! You have obviously put some sort of curse upon her, haven't you? She is not acting at all like the confident daughter that I love! She's almost like a different pony! Whatever you have done, I demand that you undo it this instant! Speak, creature! I command it!"
At this, I rose up to my full height. I smirked imperceptibly when the Alicorn's eyes widened a bit when he realized he had to look up to make eye contact with me, despite his own imposing size. I towered above him and glared down at him. "Sir, I have been the very picture of patience, but I would request that you cease calling me 'creature' and start addressing me by my name. As for your dear daughter, have you considered the fact that she may simply be abashed by your churlish demeanor?"
"Discord, please, don't-" whispered Celestia, glancing at me out of the corner of her eye, though she still kept most of her attention on her father.
"How dare you speak to me in such a manner," said the Alicorn, interrupting his daughter once again with that horrid tone. "Do you even know who I am?"
"Well, obviously," I said sardonically, "given that Princess Celestia has called you 'father' on multiple occasions, I can only assume that you are the king and ruler of all of Equestria. That's all well and good, but it doesn't excuse you from basic manners, now does it? Why, you haven't even introduced yourself to me yet."
Celestia was looking from me, to her father, and then back to me. Even at the worst of her sister's needling of me, I had never directly challenged Luna as I was her father now, and Celestia seemed to be a bit unsettled by this. "Discord, please watch your words. My father is-"
"I can speak for myself, Celestia. I don't need you to fight my battles for me," said the Alicorn king.
"Ah, is that what this is, dear sir? A battle?" I said, beginning to let the very tiniest of fractions of my own power bleed through the screen that I had been holding up for the past century. Celestia was confused and a bit frightened when she sensed it, but the Alicorn's eyes merely widened a bit, as if in recognition, before narrowing even more.
"You may address me as Lord Uran-Ra," he said, drawing himself up even higher, though it still wasn't anywhere near my own height, "and as you said, I am the ruler of this land. But, more importantly to this particular moment, I am Celestia's father. Now, I ask you again, creature, what have you done to my daughter?"
"Father, he has done nothing to me!" said Celestia, trying everything in her power to keep this situation from escalating. "Nothing at all," she added, glancing at me again at this last, before turning back to her father again. "Please, if the two of you would just stop for a moment and-"
"So when I happened upon you just now, was that some of the nothing that you two have been doing together?" interrupted Uran-Ra yet again, looking back and forth between her and me. The ever deepening blush in Celestia cheeks betrayed the fact that she had certainly been thinking about such things, even if we had never reached that point. That seemed to be all the evidence that the king needed.
"I told you, sir, that I have been a proper gentleman," I said coolly. "And I must say that I really don't care to have to repeat myself unnecessarily." Celestia looked at me, pleading silently with her eyes for me to be more respectful to her father. I had to look away and focus more fully on Uran-Ra, or else I might have lost my resolve.
"I don't believe you for a second, creature. Celestia, go inside at once," ordered the large black Alicorn. "We will discuss this later, after I deal with this creature."
"No, father! Please don't-" cried Celestia.
"NOW!" he thundered.
Celestia turned her tear-filled eyes to me again. I softened my expression and said, "Please Celestia, just do as your father says."
"But…" she stammered. "What about you?"
"Don't worry about me," I said. I turned my gaze back to Uran-Ra and hardened the look in my eyes as I added, "I can assure you that am in absolutely no danger here." I let a bit more of my power bleed through. Just enough to let both of them know that I was roughly the equal of the large black Alicorn in power, despite the fact that, in actuality, I was as far beyond his level of power as he was above an amoeba. It pained me a bit to see the fear in Celestia's eyes as this situation inexorably threatened to boil over.
"Discord," pleaded Celestia, "I don't wish for the two of you to-"
"CELESTIA, DO AS I SAY! GET. INSIDE. NOW!" roared the Alicorn again, turning his loathsome Royal Voice up to its highest volume yet upon noticing the none-too-subtle challenge in my own voice.
Celestia turned and galloped for the door. With one last look at us, she entered the palace. However, soon after that, I noticed that she appeared on a balcony far above us, through a door which I assume lead to her personal chambers, though I had never been there. Soon after, Princess Luna appeared at her side, her face as filled with anger as she glared at me as it was with concern as she looked at her father and her sister. They were far too high to be able to hear what their father and I were saying down below, but they could still see from our body language that this situation was far from contained.
I turned back to the king. "Are you happy now, sir? You've clearly and unnecessarily upset your dear daughter."
"Am I happy?" he said. "Who in Tartarus do you think you are, creature? Despite your deception of my daughter, I know exactly what you are! You are the one who has been behind the torment of my subjects for at least the past one hundred years! I can feel your aura, and it is identical to that of the affected ponies!"
As I said earlier, I had been playing pranks on the haughty and evil ponies. Indeed, I had kept up this practice during the days when I wasn't meeting with Celestia. And now, here before me stood what had to be the absolute haughtiest pony of them all. The things I wanted to do to this guy raced through my mind. The only thing that stopped me from acting right then and there was the simple fact that he was Celestia's father. I would wait and allow him to make his first and only mistake before I unleashed myself upon him.
"What of it?" I asked. "I merely test your subjects. If they are found lacking, their fate is no more than they deserve."
"You have no right!" said Lord Uran-Ra. "You are driving ponies to madness!"
"Who are you to say I have no right? I have existed on this planet for far longer than you and your kind have. Besides, the only ponies driven to madness are those who cannot endure the stark truths that I show them," I said. "If they can overcome their weaknesses, then they will be fine. Better, even, than they were before."
"I will not allow this to continue!" said the king. "I will protect my subjects from evil creatures such as you."
"I am the evil one?" I said. "You are the one who turns a blind eye when ponies under your rule mercilessly bully those weaker than themselves. You are the one who does not lift a hoof to shake up the complacency of the spoiled, greedy nobles whose rampant snobbery and selfishness defiles the very palace in which you live on a daily basis. You are the one who allows rape and murder to darken the farther corners of your kingdom. I bring truth to these wicked ponies, and if they cannot handle that, so be it!"
"You bring nothing but terror and madness to all ponies!" said the king. "I will put an end to this, right here and now."
"Oh, how I have been waiting to see you try," I said, with a sneer, as my reptilian tail began whipping back and forth in anticipation.
"Damn you, creature! This ends now!" said Uran-Ra. He took to the air for a moment and flew backward several feet, then landed again. From his stance, I could tell that he was preparing to unleash his full might upon me. Above me, I heard both Celestia and Luna faintly screaming down at us, but for the moment I paid them no mind. Before he actually released his attack on me, I briefly wondered why he was risking a battle on the very palace grounds. However, when the attack actually came, it became clear.
This pony had exact control over his abilities. He had enveloped me in a bubble of dark purple energy. He was attempting to crush me down to the size of a miniature black hole and then was planning to launch me into the Equestrian sun itself. Given that it was currently night time, this would have of course first required smashing me through the planet as well, which I'm sure was also part of the plan, and probably would have been something that he would have done even if the sun had been directly overhead. That was his plan, of course, but it wasn't going nearly as well as he had hoped.
Obviously, I was still whole and merely floating there watching him as he continued to pour on the power. Sweat broke out all over his body as he realized with no small amount of disbelief that what he was doing wasn't working, and still he increased his power upon me. Had he used this power on any other being than a Q such as myself, it would have been over in nanoseconds. For my part, I merely studied my claws and talons and waited for him to finish. If I'd been wearing a watch, I would have checked the time as well.
Just as he finally aborted his failed attack and collapsed to the ground, I noticed that Celestia and Luna had returned to the courtyard. Luna rushed to her father's side as he lay panting from the exertion and was trying to help him up, while Celestia was merely standing there, staring at the two of us, both in awe and, I noticed, no small amount of shock, but also relief, that I had somehow survived the attack, but also with great apprehension as to what may have been about to happen next, now that her father was down.
I turned from Celestia to the king. As I slowly floated toward him, Luna rose up and planted herself firmly between us. "YOU LEAVE MY FATHER ALONE!" she screamed at me, trying to hide the tears that were burning in her eyes behind a veil of pure rage and that damnable Voice.
I merely looked the king in the eyes and held up my eagle talons as I finally let my full power shine through. Both Celestia and Luna gasped in utter, wide-eyed shock as they sensed it, but Uran-Ra merely closed his eyes. He knew then that he was truly beaten, that he'd never had the slightest chance of victory, and that now the price for defeat was about to be paid.
"No, Discord!" said Celestia, finally breaking out of her trance and running toward us. "Please!"
"My turn," I said, with an impish smile on my face. As I snapped my fingers, both myself and the king disappeared in a burst of light and sound.
"See, Q," said my companion. "You were totally unjustified."
"Did you not just hear my story?" I asked incredulously. "That haughty pony tried to erase me from existence! If I hadn't been a Q, he would have easily succeeded!"
"I did listen to your story," said Q. "And what I got from it was that a concerned father and ruler of his people was trying to remove an entirely valid threat to both his daughter and his subjects."
"I was absolutely no danger to Celestia whatsoever!" I countered, momentarily enraged.
"Maybe not then, you weren't, no," said Q. "But what about later?"
"I…" I said. I turned away from him and looked out over the stardrive section of the Enterprise again. I studied the pulsing blue of the twin warp nacelles as I considered what he said. What, indeed, about later? The memories still gnawed at me.
"Besides, the king was absolutely right about what you had been doing to the people he was sworn to protect," said Q, after a few moments silence.
"Bah!" I said, turning around to face Q again. "Every single one of those ponies deserved everything I did to them."
"Did they?" said Q. "Or is that just a rationalization on your part?"
"YES! I mean, no! Yes, they did deserve it and no, it's not a rationalization! They were haughty and arrogant. And, as I keep saying, some of the more irredeemable ones were outright evil. Okay, maybe the crimes of some of them were a bit on the petty side, but still… The ones that eventually recovered from my treatment of them went on to live better lives than they had before. They had learned valuable life lessons. The ones that didn't… well, I was doing Equestria a favor by removing them from the gene pool."
"And Celestia's father?" asked Q. "Did he deserve what you did to him?"
I didn't answer for a long time. Then, finally, I said, "Well, at the time I certainly thought he did. But in retrospect…"
Q nodded. "It seems you're not completely irredeemable after all. Tell me what you did. Let it all out."
I put a hand to my temples and rubbed them with my thumb and middle finger. Could it be? Was I actually experiencing a human migraine even now that I was back to being omnipotent? I shook my head. "You have to understand, Q, what this Lord Uran-Ra thought of himself before I… changed him. Until the moment that he met me, he had believed himself to be, without the slightest shadow of a doubt, the absolute most powerful being in all of Equestria. And until he met me, he had been right. He even fancied himself a god, Q. A god. Can you believe that? The sheer arrogance of it all. Very simply put, all that I did to him was to disabuse him of that mistaken notion. I shattered his belief that he was the most powerful. In fact, I took from him the idea that he had any sort of power at all. I made him believe that he was now the most useless pony in the entire world and that nothing he would or could ever do again after that point would have any meaning, therefore why should he bother ever doing anything at all? I left him a broken shell of a pony. He could barely take care of himself after that, let alone his kingdom. And then, after what happened to his wife, Celestia's mother, well… but I'll get to that, soon enough."