//------------------------------//
// Chapter 1 
// Story: The Quandary of DisQord 
// by Kane Magus 
//------------------------------//


The Quandary of DisQord


I sat on top of the saucer section of the USS Enterprise-D, just behind the bridge hub, facing backward toward the two warp nacelles that propelled the ship. Well, no, that's not quite accurate. "Sitting" and "facing" implied that I currently had a posterior on which to "sit" or a face with which to… well… "face." Given that I was currently in my true form, neither of those things applied to me. It was just as well. I'd had more than I could stand of being stuck in a physical form to last me for quite a while.
I watched as the starship moved at a glacial sub-light speed away from the fourth planet in the Bre'el system. Down on the planet, they were no doubt celebrating the fact that their precious moon was now back in its rightful orbit and that their civilization was no longer doomed. I bet not a single one of them even thought to give thanks to me, however, even though I was the one who had righted their moon for them. Ingrates. In any case, I no longer had any interest in them or their petty problems.
It was merely that fixing the moon's orbit was the very least I could do to make it up to Jean-Luc, after the spot of trouble I had put him and his ship through while locked in my bumbling human form. No doubt, however, the crew of the Enterprise was also celebrating my departure, even though I had only just finished doing their jobs for them, especially considering that it was a job that they'd had absolutely no hope of accomplishing on their own, despite their best efforts and can-do attitude. I still remembered La Forge's arrogance and his mistreatment of me in engineering, and I briefly considered yanking him out here to give him a piece of my mind, and perhaps even more than that. But I refrained from doing so, if only because that would have upset Mr. Data.
Data. He was the only one, the only one, on the entire thrice-damned ship that had shown tolerance and kindness to me in my time of peril, and that was only because his programming simply didn't allow for him to feel those dreadful emotions that burdened the others, such as anger or envy. Still, I was glad that Data had enjoyed the little gift I had left for him. At least he got to experience one of the more positive emotions of which humans are capable, if only for a brief moment. If only the others felt more of those emotions in my presence, rather than the uglier ones that they usually felt, like jealousy and arrogance, it would make my visits much more pleasant for all concerned. Data was fortunate that he was incapable of such things.
"You know, Q, I think he was right," said a nearby disembodied voice.
"I thought you'd already left," I groused, as my fellow Q appeared next to me with the burst of light and sound that is the trademark of our kind. He was in his blond-haired human form again, though still wearing that ghastly gray and green jumpsuit for some reason, so I decided to take my own human form as well, very reluctantly I must add. It would have been rather impolite to try to carry on a conversation otherwise. I glanced down at myself, frowned when I noticed that my clothing exactly matched his, and quickly changed it to a red Starfleet uniform, with captain's pips on the collar, of course. But, you know what? I felt that I deserved better than that right now. I switched my uniform to that of a full fleet admiral.
"Very classy," said Q. "Anyway, I just want to make extra sure that there aren't any lingering hard feelings. You know, about the whole 'getting you kicked out of the Continuum' thing."
I performed an infinitely more subtle and expressive equivalent to what humans would call "rolling my eyes" as I looked over at him, limited though I might have been in my current form. "Let's just say that it's water under the bridge and leave it at that, shall we? What's done is done. Anyway, what do you think who was right about?"
"The bald one," said Q, gesturing behind him toward the bridge hub. "What was his name again? Pickerd?"
"Picard," I said. "Jean-Luc Picard."
"Ah, that's it. Well, as I said, he was right," said Q with a nod. "You do seem to have a bit of residue of humanity there."
"Psh." I rolled my eyes at him again. "Spare me." Now that I actually had a posterior and a face again, I resumed in earnest what I had been mimicking before Q arrived: sitting and facing out toward the rear of the ship. I considered ignoring him in the hopes that he would get bored and leave, futile though I knew it would be.
"No, seriously," Q retorted, as he sat down next to me. "It's right there, just kind of bobbing about in your aura. It's a weird… pinkish color, I think, or maybe orange. Kind of stands out."
"Why are you here, really?" I asked, resigned to the fact that Q wasn't going to leave me alone, at least not for the time being.
"Just wanted to chat for a bit," Q said. "We haven't really had a chance to catch up since you started your new job."
"Oh, well I'm sure we have lots to discuss!" I said, expressing a faux cheer that I obviously didn't feel. "Let's get right to it, Q! What do you want to chat about?"
"Well, since you asked," said Q, ignoring my sarcasm, "answer me this: why human? I mean, you've never once struck me as the kind of Q who would take his work that seriously, after all."
"Honestly?" I said, as I looked down at my human form in appraisal. I held up a hand in front of my face and turned it over a couple of times, before letting it drop to my side again. "I haven't the foggiest idea. I should have chosen to come back as a horta. I could have spent my time doing absolutely nothing but pleasantly burrowing around and eating rocks before the Calamarain or some other monotonously single-minded species found me and ended my existence. At least then I would have been spared all of this humiliation."
"You can't fool me. You really do like them, don't you? These humans," said Q.
"Absolutely not," I said. "I merely find them interesting, and in much the same manner that they find insects pinned to corkboard interesting."
Q crossed his arms. "Don't fib to me, Q, you know I know when you're stretching the truth. Even when you do have your powers back, you can't fool me."
"Oh all right," I said. "They're certainly not nearly as… murderous as some of the other species I've encountered during my existence. Well, most of them aren't, anyway. Take those Calamarain, again, for instance. They spent almost the entirety of my time as a human trying to kill me. Kill me! Can you imagine it?"
It was Q's turn to roll his eyes. "I have absolutely no idea why they would have wanted to do that."
"I know, right? Compared to the Calamarain, humans are little bundles of compassion. Why can't those wispy good for nothings be more like Data? He wouldn't hurt a fly." My eyes widened and I suddenly snapped my fingers. "That's it! An android! I should have chosen to be changed into an android. I would have made much better use of Data's gifts. I still can't believe he would willingly give them all up to be a measly run-of-the-mill human."
"And yet, he always refuses when you offer to turn him into one. He's unique, true enough," said Q. "Well, okay, maybe not unique, since he has at least two identical twin brothers and all, but still, you know what I mean."
"Yes, whatever," I said, waving my hand in a dismissive gesture. "One of his brothers is currently disassembled and scattered across Kolarus III, and the other one is a being of pure malevolence. I honestly can't decide which of the two bores me more. Data is the only one of them who has actually done something worthwhile with his life, artificial though it may be." I sighed wearily and loudly. "Anyway, Q, it's been a nice chat, really it has. However, I'm sure you must have much better things to do than to sit around here on some dreary gray starship."
"Speak for yourself. Still, I'm a bit surprised, though," Q said thoughtfully, tapping his chin with an index finger and completely ignoring my incredibly subtle prompting that he leave me alone.
"Now what?" I asked, resisting the urge to just teleport myself to the far side of the galaxy.
"You chose to be human… but I would have figured that you would have chosen to be one of those ponies."
Shockingly, despite the fact that I am omniscient and should have seen it coming, this caught me by surprise. I looked over at Q again, but said nothing.
"You still think about them," said Q. "About her." It wasn't a question.
"You know that's a painful subject for me, Q," I said, starting to get somewhat perturbed. "Of all things, why are you bringing this up now?"
"Well, I was only there at the very tip end of that nasty business, so… I just want to know the whole story," said Q. "Straight from the horse's mouth, pun most definitely intended given your state of being at the time. Really, what could have possessed you to do the horrible things you did on that world? I mean, even for you, Q, it was pretty sadistic. Honestly, I would almost prefer to think that it was some sort of possession, as impossible as that would be, rather than to think you genuinely capable of such things of your own accord."
"I really don't want to talk about it," I said, preparing to make good on my earlier thought to teleport away, except that now it was the other side of the universe that was looking like a much more appealing destination than merely the other side of the galaxy. Q stopped me by putting a hand on my shoulder, not that it would have mattered anyway. He would have just followed me. After all, he knew where all of the hiding places were the same as I did.
"Believe it or not, Q, I'm not trying to push your buttons here. I'm honestly curious about it, that's all. Tell me about it. Tell me about her," said my companion. "Besides, you already know I'm not going to stop pestering you until you do."
I looked at him hard for a moment, then I sighed and looked down at the dull metallic gray of the outer hull of the Enterprise. "Well…"



I was still a relatively young Q at the time, only a few thousand millennia old. I was in what I suppose you could call my "experimental" phase. Things back in the Continuum were dreadfully boring, as they pretty much always have been. I flitted hither and thither around the universe, looking for things to excite my omnipotent senses, no matter how insignificant they may have been. And, trust me, most of them were.
It was during one such random excursion that I happened upon the planet that housed the land of Equestria. Or, at least, the planet that housed what would eventually become the land of Equestria. At the time I arrived there, Equestria itself wouldn't be founded for another several thousand years at least.
As I roamed the planet, I observed all the various flora and fauna, trying to decide what would best suit my corporeal form during my visit here. There weren't any sapient beings on the planet at this point, mind you, or I would have immediately chosen their form as my own. I spent a few centuries watching the various life forms on the planet, trying to make my decision. I knew that I didn't want to be some boring plant, but the animal life was quite diverse. Eventually, I decided that since I couldn't decide at all, I would just take a bit from each of them.
I took pieces from several different animals and made them my form. Not literally, mind you, as that would have been barbaric, not to mention uncouth. Among other things, I took the foreleg of a lion, the talons of an eagle, the horn of a goat, the antler of a deer, the tail of a reptile, things like that, you know. But for the head… for the head, just any old animal wouldn't do, not at all. For the head, I chose what I felt to be the most… elegant of the animals living on this world: the pony.
You see, I had been watching the ponies very closely, more so than the other animals on the planet. These ponies were nothing like their distant equine brethren in the Sol system and on other such planets. There was something special about these ponies. For one thing, they had already gained self-awareness and were on the very cusp of gaining true higher thinking. That was interesting enough, in and of itself, but there was another thing about them. Even before that, they were already beginning to manipulate the environment around them in a manner that most species wouldn't acquire for millions of years into their development, if ever. Humans, for example, have never even shown a glimmer of possessing this skill thus far. Generally speaking, they don't even believe that such a thing actually exists, thanks to their limited science long ago ruling out the possibility. Even so, they are somehow still aware of it, and they create fantastic works of fiction about it, and some enlightened few among them do indeed still believe in its existence, despite all of their flawed evidence to the contrary. But can any human actually use it? No, of course they can't. Someday, perhaps. Maybe even sooner, rather than later, if that Crusher boy and his dealings with the Traveler are any indication.
I'm talking about magic, of course. These ponies were beginning to use magic. Sure, it was on a vastly rudimentary and primitive level compared to the abilities of the Q, but it was there, nonetheless. In some, the talent was stronger than others. These were the Unicorns. The magic actually physically manifested itself in the horns on their head. However, what the other pony races lacked in raw magical abilities, they made up for in other ways. The Pegasus ponies developed wings and the ability to fly, as well as to walk on the clouds, and to control those clouds and thus the very weather itself. The Earth ponies seemed to be at the biggest disadvantage of the lot, but they possessed a certain strength, not only just in body, that the other two types of ponies lacked, for the most part. Not to mention the fact that there were a very rare few Earth ponies who possessed powers on a reality warping scale, close to rivaling that of the Q itself even, but mostly this ability remained dormant and unutilized, though it was still passed down through the generations. And lastly, there were the Alicorn ponies, which possessed the abilities and physical attributes of all of the other three types combined. These were an incredibly rare sight indeed, however, and they tended to remain to themselves during this era.
By this point in their history, as I said, the ponies had already achieved sentience, and soon after, at least on a geological scale anyway, they had gained true sapience. At that point, I was rather tempted to change my form entirely to that of a pony. Obviously, an Alicorn body would have suited me perfectly, but over the millennia I had grown rather fond of the jumbled mishmash that I had created for myself, so I decided to keep it.
I continued to watch as the ponies evolved. At first, each race kept mostly to themselves. Then, they started interacting with one another, but it was a rather adversarial relationship. The Earth ponies had developed agriculture by this time, as their innate magic was particularly suited to it. They grew all of the food, in other words. The Pegasus ponies, as I already mentioned, had gained the ability to control the weather. In exchange for using their gifts to provide water for the crops, they demanded food from the Earth ponies. The Unicorns, meanwhile, had mastered the use of their magic to such an extent that they could control the very solar and lunar cycles of their planet. The Unicorns themselves believed that they were actually causing the sun and moon to rise and set, but all they were really doing was manipulating the rotation of the planet with their telekinesis, with some very limited influence on the lunar cycle. That is to say, they had the ability to increase or decrease the rotation of their planet as well as to speed up or slow down the lunar orbit, without causing the moon to go spiraling off into space or crash into the planet. Granted, these things are something an infant Q would learn to do almost immediately after being born, but it was still an incredibly impressive feat for such a young species. Anyway, the Unicorns also demanded food from the Earth ponies for these feats. You would think that this would have been an equitable arrangement. The Earth ponies grow the food, the Pegasi provide the water, and the Unicorns provide the light. Rather simple. But at this point in time, the pony races were on the brink of a terrible war. A large part of the reason for this was the windigoes.
The windigoes were disembodied creatures that fed on negative emotions. While the pony nations squabbled with one another, the windigoes grew ever stronger. The stronger they became, the colder the area where the ponies lived grew. The only thing preventing an all-out war between the pony nations, ironically enough, was the very thing that was driving them to the brink of such a war in the first place, given that the ponies were too cold and hungry to wage full scale war upon each other. Eventually, it got to the point that a localized ice age began in that region of the planet.
I considered intervening and dispelling the windigoes myself, but I decided it would be much more interesting to simply watch and see how the ponies dealt with this issue. At first, I thought they were doomed. That such an interesting species with so much potential would squander it all and allow themselves to become extinct after only a few thousand years of existence was disappointing. It brought a tear to my eye, it did, but I still chose not to interfere. If the ponies were wiped out, they would have brought this fate upon themselves. I considered it a test, the first of many. I had faith that they would pass this test.
The ponies left the frozen wasteland that had become their home and tried to find new lands to cultivate. And at first, they succeeded, but soon the petty bickering resumed, allowing the windigoes to close in for the kill. However, at this point, something new happened. Some of the ponies from the different tribes learned that it was far better for them to work together in harmony rather than to struggle with each other for dominance. Their thick-skulled leaders soon came to their senses as well, and, finally, the windigoes were expelled and the lands returned to their bountiful nature.
Of course, it was all much more complicated than that simple story makes it out to be, but ultimately, that is how the land of Equestria was born. During this time, the Alicorn race, which had always been a very rare sight in the old pony lands, rose in prominence if not necessarily in number, and soon, they were ruling the land. It was a benevolent government, for the most part, as the Alicorns generally possessed a wisdom that far outstretched the relative youth of their species. Some of them I'm sure would give even the more profound of the El-Aurians a run for their money. I wasn't sure why they hadn't interceded during the windigo crisis, but I assumed that their reasons were likely similar to my own. Not all Alicorns were created equally, mind you, same as the other ponies, or any other sapient race for that matter, including the Q. Some of them could get rather hot-headed at times, but that will become apparent in due course.
It was around this time that I decided to start taking a more active role, rather than remaining purely an observer. While I didn't yet make myself known to anypony, pardon me, anybody, I still made my presence known in other ways. Sometimes I would use my powers to humble some of the haughtier or more evil of the ponies, but never in a way that drew attention to my presence. They thought the result of my actions was merely a strange sickness at first. I know exactly what you're thinking. You're surprised that I didn't just charge in and start showboating, but I was a somewhat different Q back then.
One fateful day, as I was flitting in the wind above a vast woodland area known to ponykind as the Everfree Forest, and inside of which the Alicorns had set up their original capital city, I first laid my eyes upon her. And that was when everything changed.



"Well… go on," said Q, making a gimme gimme motion with his hands. I didn't respond for a while. I watched as the starship on which we were sitting finally entered warp and hurtled along, carrying the crew toward whatever no doubt mind-numbingly boring new mission they had been assigned to do.
"You have to understand, Q," I said finally, "that I'm not normally one to just fall for a pretty face, as they say."
"Oh really," said Q, cocking an eyebrow. "What about Vash?"
"Vash?" I said, narrowing my eyes. "That's different. We just had a… business arrangement of sorts. Besides, that hasn't even happened yet."
"Oh come on, Q, we're both non-linear beings here. You don't have to play coy with me," said Q. "Okay, so you don't want to talk about Vash. Fair enough. Well, then, what about Amanda Rogers?"
"What about her? I was, or rather will be, sent by the Continuum to potentially end her existence!" I said.
"Yes, indeed you will," said Q, "but we both know that you won't go through with it. She will come to accept her rightful place as a member of the Continuum. And she will be a rather well-adjusted one at that, I should add, which is more than I can say for some Q I know."
I ignored the jibe. "Well… she'll be more like a… well… like a daughter to me, in a way, almost, or at least a favored pupil of mine. In fact, I'm quite insulted that you believe I would think of her in any other fashion," I said, turning toward Q and narrowing my eyes.
"Whoa there, tiger. Easy. I suppose I can see your point. Okay, then. So what about Lwaxana? You can't tell me you won't have a very interesting experience with her," Q crossed his arms and smirked as he said this.
"No thanks to you," I muttered under my breath. I thought back, or rather, forward, to the time that I was- will be -visiting the Enterprise while they will be hosting the ceremony for the marriage between the children of the heads of the Nistral and Graziunas families of the Tizarin merchant race. Memories of my yet-to-be encounter with the mother of the Enterprise's counselor, Deanna Troi, left me with a feeling of apprehension. Or perhaps outright dread would be the better word. "Well, we both already know how that will end," I said blackly. Still, despite everything that I knew would befall me, I couldn't help but feel a bit of anticipation as well.
"Indeed we do, and, believe it or not, it's for your own good, Q" said Q. "Enough said on that subject for now. Let's move on to Janeway, then."
"Oh, don't even get me started on Janeway," I groaned. "I'm serious. It will be a very… complicated relationship."
"And let's never forget the inimitable Guinan," said Q, grinning at me.
I merely glared at him, imagining him burning forever at the core of the hottest star I could think of. Annoyingly, he used his own powers to counter my own.
"All right, all right!" laughed Q. "Anyway, those are just the blatantly humanoid ones. What about that spunky little Caitian you met on the old-"
"Q!" I said, cutting him off. "You're not planning to list off every single being in the universe in which I have displayed a more than passing interest, are you?"
"Fine, okay, whatever, sheesh," said Q. "I don't have that many centuries to spare anyway, thank you very much. You get my drift, I'm sure. But just one more… How about… you know… Q?" said Q.
I thought long and hard about Q. Not the Q sitting next to me, of course. Her. She was, as the humans would call it, an "old flame" of mine. We were in an on-again-off-again situation which was currently well into the "off" phase. It's not that I didn't like her anymore, far from it. It's just that she could be somewhat… clingy at times. A Q needs his space, after all. I also knew that we were going to be interacting with one another again at some point in the relatively near future as well, but divining a Q's destiny is much more difficult than that of mortal races, due to our powers interfering with one another, so it wasn't quite yet clear to me what would happen to bring us back together, though I knew it would involve Janeway and Voyager in some way. And, to be honest, I just didn't feel like expending the effort to bring that into focus at the moment. "No comment," I said finally, then added, "Fine, fine, I get your point. All of the creatures that I encounter in my travels leave an imprint on me in some way, even though in most cases I'd prefer to respond to that by cleansing the stench from my essence in the event horizon of a black hole. But there are some who leave me feeling a bit… wistful. But only a very, very rare few of those did I ever consider being almost an… equal."
"Like the girl you met in Equestria, right?" prompted Q. "And don't worry. I won't breathe a word of this to Q. You have my word. Now don't keep me in suspense."
"Yes…" I said, letting the memories overtake me again. "Just like her. Dear Princess Celestia."