Chapter 8
The Right Word
When Polaris felt her hooves meet the grass she held strong knowing what would follow in just a moment. Sure enough just as the time before she felt the sudden fatigue hit her, but now she was prepared and fought against it. She managed to stay on her hooves, but just that little action took extreme effort. Her exhaustion threatened to overwhelm her, but she continued to fight it knowing that she didn't have as much time. Before she had from essentially sunrise to ward it off and reach the school, even if that hadn't ben her objective. Now she had already spent a fair amount of time just getting ready and coming down. She had to fight and move quickly if she was going to make it on time to catch them and not be herded inside.
With her newfound determination she fought harder, but still struggled to overcome it. She thought of all of the dreams that had been surrendered to follow the rules that had been made and it made her stronger to know she wouldn't lose hers. She needed to survive, but more than that she needed to live. Her posture straightened as she slowly overcame the pressing force against her. As she thought of all that had already been lost her resolve continued to strengthen and she grew ever more confident. She soon stood at her full height and breathed heavily from the strain of it. Her thoughts were to keep moving quickly so she wouldn't miss them. It took more out of her than she would've cared to admit, but she inched slowly forward baby step by baby step as the minutes passed.
She wasn't fully confident in her stride when she left the clearing, but she didn't mind much. The fact that she was moving sufficiently was the point, despite the strain that it put on her. This new spur of the moment way of thinking was new, but she wasn't going to let that impede her. If she was living by the moment for that day then she was going to let it happen. For the first time in her life she was following her heart and she felt it, that indescribable feeling that was priceless. She smiled brimming with joy even though she still felt the tension in her muscles from trying to move properly. Still, with every second that passed she felt herself adjusting to the environment just the same as before. Her stride slowly eased and she walked with more confidence moving with purpose towards her destination. She tried a small jog as she continued to grow in strength. She was adjusting faster than the time before and couldn't have been happier.
She exited the forest into the field and could see the town in the distance and she grew once more in poise. The exhilaration she felt was like nothing ever before. She'd never had a dream before and here she was chasing one with all of her heart. The idea that you felt with your heart was preposterous, but right then with it racing right alongside her she understand how some could think so. She broke to a run as the last of the strain on her left and she could really move freely again. Her emotions burned as she hoped she could make it on time. This whole experience of desperation, want, indecision, uncertainty, and risk was something new and she was loving every second of it in that moment. Living in the moment was something that she could definitely get used to.
She galloped into town and in the direction of the school with her saddlebags bouncing along on her back. She was grinning from ear to ear despite the tension of whether or not she'd make it. If she was too late that defeated the whole purpose of risking all of this, but the risking was the best feeling she'd ever had. This whole thing was the best experience that she'd ever had in her rather short life. It was the feeling that she never wanted to lose ever and right then she could feel it pumping through her. Her smile was impossibly large as the school came into view. As her eyes caught a glimpse of green through the crowd a small giggle escaped from her. She was practically drunk on the adrenaline.
She trotted over to her unicorn friend smirking proudly. Kara saw her coming and waved excitedly. "Hey Astro!" she called happily.
"Hello Kara." she greeted her cheerily. She knew that she couldn't stay long, but hoped to have a short conversation at least.
"You seem happy." Kara observed beaming at her.
"I'm very happy." she promised returning the joyful grin.
"That's great!" she proclaimed with her bubbly aura.
"I know!" she agreed with the same energy.
Then however the bell rang out into the courtyard and all of the students rushed inside as the doors opened. Kara grabbed her hoof and dragged her inside along with the rest of the crowd. She tried to pull away, but was unsuccessful in her efforts. That wasn't a part of the plan that ended well for her. She tried to say something, but was muted by the huge crowd of students all around them. That sense of being on top of the world was now a sense of dread as she felt herself nearing her doom. If she was seen there in the classroom she was certain that everything was over. She would have to go back after doing so much just to return and see them. As she entered the classroom, against her own will, she felt as though her fate was being sealed. There was no escape at that point.
Ms. Rule looked up and she smiled at Polaris as she came in. This confused the pegasus for sure, shouldn't she be confused or upset with her? "Astro! There you are! Could you come up to my desk for just a moment?" she asked kindly, but Polaris heard something very different from kind. This is it, she thought terrified, what do they do with ponies who don't belong? She walked slowly up to the desk at the front of the room trying to make each second last since she was fairly sure that they would be her last in that world. That didn't mean that she could put off forever the inevitable. Soon she stood at the teacher's desk looking shamefully at the ground. "I know you're worried, but it's all fine. I didn't mean to scare you yesterday at the end of the school day." she told her. Polaris was confused at the fact that she knew that she'd overheard her and the stallion, but said nothing. "I just want to let you know that we got all of your paperwork worked out, so it's fine." she promised.
"Y-you did?" she asked stunned.
"Yes we did. Your grandfather stopped by earlier and helped us to work everything out." she replied. "You should probably go get back to your friend over there, she looks ready to burst." she added looking over at Kara.
"Yeah." she finished and walking back over to her desk.
In her mind however the conversation was far from over. Who was this grandfather figure, and why did he help her? She was trying to think of who it might be, but couldn't think of anyone who would be able to do it. Nopony could just materialize paperwork out of thin air if there wasn't any. Who could pull that off flawlessly without getting themselves caught? She shook her head in confusion as she trotted back to her seat. None of it made any sense to her in the slightest. Still, she wouldn't deny any help that she received and decided to just accept the mystery for the time being. As Ms. Rule had stated Kara was waiting for her and she didn't want to just leave her hanging. She slid into her seat and the floodgates opened.
"Why did she call you up? You aren't in trouble are you? It wasn't because we were taking yesterday? I didn't want to get you in trouble! I'm sorry!" she blurted as Polaris sat down.
"It's fine actually. Apparently there was something wrong with the paperwork, but it's fixed now." she answered smiling unsurely.
"Really?! That's good. I was worried for a sec there. I'm glad it was just something boring like paperwork." she responded clearly relieved.
"Yeah, me too." she agreed happy that it had worked out.
"So, we can still talk right?" she asked looking for confirmation.
"Yeah, I hope so." she replied grinning with much more conviction.
"Good cause if you couldn't talk that would be horrible! I mean he's not great conversation." she told her lowering her voice on the second sentence, but making it loud enough for Spot to hear.
"That's cause you're not supposed to talk while Ms. Rule's teaching. You two are going to miss something if you keep talking while she's teaching." he argued turning around in his seat.
"He has a point Kara." Polaris agreed turning to her.
"But it gets old sometimes! I mean you could be doing something! Especially if you already know what she's teaching!" she retorted moving her hooves about as she spoke. Polaris giggled slightly at her rebuttal, but Spot frowned at her in disagreement. Then however Ms. Rule started to call roll ending the discussion.
Again when her pseudonym was called she hesitated for half of a second before responding to it. It still felt significantly less out of place than before however. As she spent the day talking to and running around with her new friends she felt more like a part of something than she ever had before. That sensation she could never find the word for because she didn't know it well enough to describe it was there the whole way. Still, the more she experienced it the more words that came to her mind that it could be, but none of them were quite what she would saw was right. All of them could fill the blank, but none of them fit it perfectly. Even though she had a good enough option as her answer she wanted a better one. Something as wondrous as that deserved the perfect description and nothing less. So, as she spent her day absorbed by it while she joked around with her newfound friends she ran all of the words she could've used to describe it through her mind. At one point she had asked both of her companions what they felt right then, but the question only seemed to confuse them. She soon realized that she was probably going to have to riddle this out herself.
As she bid them farewell at the end of the day she was still pondering this conundrum to herself. In the back of her mind however she was starting to realize what all of this added up to. It was a word she had never considered as it had never meant much to her before, but now she had a sneaking suspicion that it might be it. Still, this slow discovery was occurring more in her subconscious as she devoted most of her conscious thought to running through her mental dictionary. She continued to think about it as she wandered back to the clearing. It wasn't like she had a particularly small vocabulary, but this question's answer evaded her exceedingly well. She knew it was because this was an experience she had no prior experience with, but she was growing frustrated with her lack of success. She had always been a fast learner, but with this she just couldn't understand.
She sighed in frustration as she stumbled into the clearing. Maybe I'm just not supposed to understand, she thought warily. She turned her attention from the ground to what lay ahead and frowned in confusion. There on the grass of the clearing stood a stack of various items she recognized as what the other students had along with a lumpy brown sack. She trotted over and looked through the items more thoroughly and found that it was most definitely school supplies that she needed. The bag had been filled with various foodstuffs that all looked delicious. Her thoughts turned to this mysterious grandfather who had gotten her nonexistent paperwork to work out. Did he give her this as well? She was glad to have somepony helping her, but this helping from the shadows felt a little shady. Still, she wasn't about to deny help even if she didn't quite know who gave it.
She spent the rest of the day sorting through her belongings and new supplies as she absentmindedly continued to ponder the question. The different piles grew as she went through more of her stuff, but she was slow and methodical in her actions so none of the stacks and piles grew too fast. Just placing one object after the next in its proper place as it came along. It was mundane and required little of her attention, but she gave it much more than it needed. The simple sorting cleared her confused and crowded mind and allowed her subconscious to surface. That's when the answer hit her suddenly and with the force and weight of a stack of bricks.
She sat back as she examined this idea further trying to be sure. It seemed so obvious once she saw it though. There was too much for her to truly understand, but it seemed fuller than anything else she'd ever come up with. Everything had always had such an easy concrete answer, but now she realized and recognized the ambiguous. Not everything was simply black or white. There was always a gray place in between and that was where the answer she was seeking lay. Maybe some things held a meaning that was something more than just words. She had been trying to match this feeling to a definition, but all that would do was restrict it. She looked back over all of the words that she had used to fill the blank. Whatever it was its meaning was almost infinite with each word she'd looked over providing a small portion of it's true majesty.
"I do not quite understand it, but I can see that you do and it must mean a lot to you." she heard a voice speak from behind her. She jumped and turned to face them and her eyes widened.
"N-N-North!?" she stuttered confused.
"Yes Polaris, or should I call you Astro?" he asked her raising an eyebrow.
"Well… I, I just missed everything here." she admitted looking towards the ground.
"I understand that it can be a very strong call, but do you want it over the world you know?" he questioned. She didn't answer and instead continued to look at the grass below beneath her. "It is a difficult decision I know, but it is one you must make. Is the surface the path you choose to follow?" She finally turned her gaze to face him.
"It is." she told him in the end with a tone full of genuine conviction.
"Then I will not prohibit you, but you must understand that I cannot directly involve myself in helping you either. Still, where you need me I shall offer you what I can." he promised.
She paused as she started to put some pieces together. "Grandfather?" she asked stunned. He gave her a small smile which was enough confirmation for her. It only lasted a moment however before turning to a more dejected frown.
"If you will stay here for your remaining years then you must promise me that you'll enjoy it all that you can." he pulled out a necklace from the saddlebags he wore on his back and placed it around her neck. She recognized as a much newer looking version of the one that he had always worn. "You'll notice there is an H on the pendant, it stands for honor which means you must honor this promise to me. Now, I must depart from here, I suppose this is farewell then Astro." he finished bowing his head to her and teleporting away.
She leaned her head towards the sky where she knew he was and proclaimed her promise to him, "I promise I'll continue to appreciate what there is here, and do my best to understand its meaning."