//------------------------------// // The Big Picture // Story: The Last Temptation of Hondo Flanks // by angelbunny //------------------------------// Sweetie Belle and Button Mash were sitting side by side – and cheek to cheek – behind a large oak tree not more than a dozen yards from the Ponyville schoolhouse. They were holding hooves and nuzzling their faces together lovingly with their eyes closed. They were on their lunch break and this was their favorite way to spend it after wolfing down their food. They tried nuzzling faces before and even during their meals but it either wound up leaving them hungry if they lost track of time or resulted in some less than romantic imagery. A closeup view of the face of even the most attractive pony could be made daunting by the inclusion of a mouthful of marinara sauce-laden wheatball hero. “Button?” said Sweetie Belle. “Yeah?” said Button. “This sure is nice, huh?” “Yeah. I could stay with you like this forever.” Sweetie Belle opened her eyes. Without realizing it, Button had inadvertently summed up the problem in their relationship, one to which he was oblivious. They had been dating for three weeks and their physical contact had come to a standstill. Not only that but Sweetie Belle was always the one to initiate the contact. She understood that Button had recently overcome his fear of touching girls (she had showed him a book from the library with a chapter that proved that cooties was not a genuine illness) but his lack of interest in showing some romantic initiative was getting a bit frustrating and she was beginning to wonder if he even knew that real couples kissed. Did he not want more? Would she always have to call the shots in their relationship? Was she not attractive enough for him? But the most troubling question of all was this: what if she asked him for a kiss – and he declined? “Button?” “Yeah?” “Can I...?” Sweetie Belle paused, at odds with herself over the issue at hoof. Would it be so bad to shed some light on her true desire so that he could get the hint and follow through? “Can you what?” asked Button. Sweetie Belle paused again. No, she thought. Not this time. If I initiate this, I’ll be compromising my standards again. I don’t just want to kiss him. I could steal a kiss from him if I really wanted one but that’s not what I want. I want to be kissed. I want to be given that super special knock-my-horseshoes-off magical kiss that I’ve heard about in fairy tales and seen at the movies. It’s got to exist. It’s just got to! And if anypony can deliver the goods, it’s Button. I know he’s got it in him but I can’t ask for it. That isn’t how it works. He’s got to want to kiss me with love and the problem is... that he doesn’t. “Oh, nothing,” she said. “It’s not important.” “Oh. All right, if you say s-.” “Okay, so I really like holding hooves with you and nuzzling our cheeks togther and that’s because I really care about you and enjoy being with you... but I think that we’re ready to move up to the next level, don’t you? Something a little more romantic than nuzzling faces?” “You mean... you’d really want to do ‘that’ with me?” Button smiled at Sweetie Belle’s proposition. He’s smiling! thought Sweetie Belle. That’s a good sign. “Well, sure. We are dating. Couples do it all the time.” “I like you a lot, too… and I’ve thought about it, too... so... if it’s all right with you then I’d be happy to do that with you.” “Yeah, it’s definitely all right with me.” Button rose from the ground and Sweetie Belle did the same, her heart beating faster as they came face to face. He stretched his limbs in an exaggerated way for comical effect, as if he was preparing himself for a rigorous task. Sweetie Belle giggled. Button smiled and Sweetie Belle’s heart melted as it always did whenever she saw that smile. “Ready?” he asked, trembling slightly. “Ready, willing and able,” said Sweetie Belle. She closed her eyes and waited for her kiss. Hopefully, what it lacked in spontaneity would be made up for with raw passion. A few seconds passed but the warm, soft lips she was waiting to taste were late for their debut and she wondered what was causing the delay. The answer came to her in the form of pressure applied against the back of her neck and head. She opened her eyes and saw that Button – was neck nuzzling with her. Button sighed contentedly. “Wow, this is so cool,” he said. “You’re the best, Sweetie Belle.” Is he for real? wondered Sweetie Belle as she grimaced. She wanted to be upset. She couldn’t. Not at him. If anything, this was even further proof that Button was the chivalrous knight of her dreams. The neck nuzzle wasn’t the kiss that Sweetie Belle had her heart set on but, looking on the bright side, it was a new kind of contact, it was a step forward, and it was not entirely without its romantic appeal. “Comfy?” he asked. “Mm-hm,” she replied. “You?” “Totally.” Sweetie Belle closed her eyes and giggled as Button tickled her with his wild mane while he experimented with different techniques on nuzzling his neck against hers. They swapped positions; Button snuggled the back of his neck against Sweetie Belle’s throat. Sweetie Belle saw Button’s beanie propeller up close and she blew on it whimsically. His body heat felt very soothing to her and she was so at ease around him that she was starting to feel sleepy. As silly as it sounded, she had an urge to ask him if she could use him as a pillow while she took a nap, a lateral move at best. Ultimately, Sweetie Belle knew that Button was worth waiting for and that rushing things might scare him off to physical contact with her altogether. The worst case scenario was that he would break up with her out of fear and she wanted to avoid that possibility at all costs, what with prom night less than half a year away. Going stag to the prom was okay for colts but when a filly showed up without a date, it was because she had to be a loser. Granted, having a date for the prom was a selfish reason for wanting a coltfriend but it was only one of many reasons, the rest of which were valid. She had very strong and genuine feelings for Button and the kiss he withheld from her had become an obsession. She was already waiting for her cutie mark to appear so being denied instant gratification in an area where there were exactly zero perceivable obstacles seemed unnecessary and irritating. “Well, well, well...” said a voice from behind their tree, a voice that made the whirr of a dentist’s drill seem pleasant, a voice which Sweetie Belle was able to identify more easily than she would have liked. It belonged to Diamond Tiara. Talk about unnecessary and irritating, thought Sweetie Belle. All I want is to spend some quality time with my coltfriend so he can feel comfortable enough to kiss me and this hamster-brained earwig has nothing else better to do than be the fly in my ointment again. Well, not this time! This time I’m telling her off and I’m pulling out all the stops! Scoots? AB? Sorry you had to miss this. “You’d better have a seat,” said Sweetie Belle to Button Mash. “This might take a while.” Button nodded and complied. “What have we here?” asked Diamond Tiara rhetorically as she approached Sweetie Belle and Button Mash. “Two blank-” “I know what you’re gonna say so let me save you some time,” blurted Sweetie Belle, taking a few confident steps toward Diamond Tiara. “I’m a blank flank, Button here’s a blank flank, you’ve got your cutie mark, you don’t like us, blah, blah, blah, blah, blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah-oh-my-celestia-you-sound-like-a-broken-record! I got it the first hundred times! And guess what? I’m still happy. Hold on a second... I’m a happy blank flank... and if you were trying to make me unhappy with your teasing then...” Sweetie Belle gasped sarcastically, holding a hoof to her chin. “...that must mean that you fail! Awwww, poor little rich girl! So bored with life. Aren’t you swimming in money? You know what I would do if I was rich? I’d travel to Bitaly or Prance and do, like, a trillion other things – fun things – ANYTHING that didn’t involve obsessing over the flanks of a trio of fillies! Can you say ‘living in denial’?” “Oh, don’t you E-ven go there,” snarled Diamond Tiara. “And what is it that you do with all of that financial freedom at your hooftips? Hm? You come right back to me and my friends... with that same tired blank flank angle! Why is that? Know what I think? I think you’ve become stagnant.” Sweetie Belle decided to borrow a trick out of Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon’s bag and began walking in circles around her as she spoke. It was less effective with one pony as opposed to two but it would have felt less organic if she had asked Button to join in. “I don’t blame you,” continued Sweetie Belle. “I believe the real culprit is this podunk one-horse town. It has a way of stifling creativity. Your ‘blank flank’ routine was good for its time and I’m sorry to be the one to break it to you but, seriously, it ran its course ages ago. You’ve used it so much that I’ve built up an immunity to it. It’s old hat. Yesterday’s newspaper. Staler than a week old doughnut. You’re spinning your wheels. You’re stuck in a... oh, how does that expression go again? Oh, never mind. What you need is a fresh perspective. A shot in the foreleg so that you can reinvent yourself. Here’s an idea. Why don’t you go ask your dad to hire a writer to come up with some new insults for you? Maybe if you had some fresh original material, you might be able to get back in the swing of things. And if that idea doesn’t grab you, Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and I came up with another one. We’ve been kicking it around for a while and, I’ve got a say, I’m quite a fan. We figured you’d eventually come to the conclusion on your own that it was a logical move for you so we never felt the need to bring it to your attention. But now that I see how pathetic you are – resting on your laurels... living off of your former glory... desperately trying to stay on the cutting edge of bullying and failing miserably... well, it would be cruel of me to let you suffer like that. Would you like to hear our idea?” Sweetie Belle cleared her throat as she stopped circling Diamond Tiara and sat beside Button. “Here it is: Why don’t you... GO... TO... TARTARUS?” As always, Button was impressed with Sweetie Belle’s gift for gab, a skill for which he had little use. He didn’t talk much about things unrelated to fun because he lacked the attention span to pay attention to boring stuff. Sweetie Belle seemed to be having fun but he questioned the wisdom in provoking Diamond Tiara, a filly known for her cruelty – especially toward blank flanks. Diamond Tiara listened to every word Sweetie Belle said. Apart from shifting her jaw here and there, she remained stonefaced throughout the monologue. “Are you finished?” she asked. “Yep. Oh, no, one last thing. If you do end up going to Tartarus, you might want to take Silver Spoon with you. I hear they don’t have bathroom tissue there so her lips should be quite useful to you during your stay. M‘kay, now I’m done.” Diamond Tiara smirked and shook her head. “Wow. Just... wow. Tell me something: who is it... that you think you see standing in front of you that you believe that you can talk to so boldly and walk away unscathed?” “Somepony who isn’t nuzzling with her coltfriend, by the looks of it. Come to think of it, where is your coltfriend, anyway? I haven’t seen him around.” Diamond Tiara flinched ever so slightly at Sweetie Belle’s well struck slingstone. The truth was that she didn’t have a coltfriend. She didn’t fancy any colts in Ponyville – but stating it that way could be misconstrued and, according to her scorecard, she was already way behind in points. Why give Sweetie Belle ammunition? “I’ll bet Button would like to meet him,” posed Sweetie Belle. “Oh, hey, Diamond Tiara? Could you raise your right forehoof for me?” “What?” “Show me your hoof.” “Why the hay would you want to see my hoof?” “What are you afraid of?” “I’m not afraid of anything.” “Then prove it. Show me your hoof. Oh, come on, what harm could it do?” Confused, Diamond Tiara lifted and examined her right forehoof carefully. Had she stepped in something? “Closer,” said Sweetie Belle. “Stick your foreleg out toward me... like this.” Sweetie Belle demonstrated how she wanted to see her hoof by sticking her own foreleg out. “There,” said Diamond Tiara, extending her right forehoof toward Sweetie Belle but keeping it just outside of hitting range in case it was some kind of blank flank trickery. “Now tell me why it was so impor-” “Hold that thought... and that pose,” said Sweetie Belle. She turned her head to face Button, pointed at Diamond Tiara’s extended hoof and smiled. “Button, say hello to Diamond Tiara’s coltfriend.” “Uh... hello?” mumbled Button, confused by the request since he saw nopony. Diamond Tiara’s pupils narrowed as she grasped what Sweetie Belle was implying. Her jaw dropped and her face turned a deep shade of red. Her furrowed brow tightened and lowered over the top of her eyes as she scowled and shrieked, outraged by Sweetie Belle’s deception. Sneering and snorting angrily at Sweetie Belle, Diamond Tiara retracted her hoof and set it back on the ground with a stomp. Sweetie Belle giggled at how agitated Diamond Tiara had become. “Is he invisible?” asked Button as he scratched his head. “Is he a ghost or something? I don’t get it.” “How dare you trick me, you blank flank!” screamed Diamond Tiara. “I’ll have you know that I’m single by choice! I can nuzzle any colt I want, whenever I want – even him!” “Yeah, right!” shot back Button. “I wouldn’t nuzzle with you if you were the last filly in Equestria! Everypony in class knows you’re mean and, because of that, no colt will ever like you!” Diamond Tiara turned her attention to Button. She regained her composure and took a few steps closer to him. She stopped a few feet in front from him and gave him her best sweet face. “Why, Button,” she cooed, “Are you saying that you don’t like me?” “That’s right. I don’t.” “Not even a little?” Diamond Tiara pouted. “No. I don’t just not like you; I dislike you.” “Good. That’ll make my victory even sweeter.” Sweetie Belle gulped. She didn’t like the confidence brimming in Diamond Tiara’s voice. What ace in the hole did she have? “You like video games, don’t you, Button?” asked Diamond Tiara sweetly. “Yeah, so what? Lots of colts do!” “Um, Button,” said Sweetie Belle as she slowly got to her hooves. “Maybe we’d better get back to the schoolhouse.” “There’s no need to be so defensive,” said Diamond Tiara. “Tell me, what’s your favorite video game franchise?” “Button,” said Sweetie Belle, “Let’s go. Now. I don’t like the way she-” “Of like all time?” asked Button. “Easy! It’s Gears of Warhorse!” “Gears of Warhorse, huh?” noted Diamond Tiara. “Mm, that’s easy enough of a name to remember.” She turned her attention toward Sweetie Belle. “Now then, to teach you a lesson.” An expression of anger poured across Diamond Tiara’s facial features like pus oozing from an infected wound. She would address Button next but she kept her ice blue stare fixed on Sweetie Belle so that she didn’t miss her reaction. “Button, you are going to come over here right now and let me neck nuzzle with you in front of your fillyfriend!” “HEY!” shouted Sweetie Belle. “Tut-tut, Sweetie Belle, it’s Button’s decision to make.” “You’re upsetting Sweetie Belle,” said Button. “I think you should leave.” Diamond Tiara turned her attention to Button. “Not before I have your answer – but before you make your decision too hastily, you should be made aware of the consequences of your actions. Let me nuzzle you and I’ll walk away and leave you two alone. Refuse ...and I’ll have my daddy buy the company that publishes the Gears of Warhorse games and convince him to turn it into a factory that makes orthopedic horseshoes!” Sweetie Belle gasped. Button gasped and then screamed. Diamond Tiara turned to face Sweetie Belle and gave her the most angelic smile she could produce. “Is that original enough material for you, Sweetie Belle?” she asked. Why, oh, why did you have to answer her, Button? wondered Sweetie Belle. Button sputtered and stammered at the ultimatum before him. He knew enough about Diamond Tiara to know that she didn’t make idle threats. Out of the many sounds that left his mouth, no combination of then made up a single word. He was a novice at being in a relationship but even he knew that the choice was obvious. Unfortunately, being aware of the right choice to make didn’t make its actual execution any easier. No more new Gears of Warhorse releases to look forward to? The time between releases was excruciating enough as it was. Not only was his beloved franchise about to disappear – his refusal to do as Diamond Tiara commanded would be the catalyst for its demise. He wasn’t a terribly proud colt. If it meant saving his beloved Gears of Warhorse, he could bring himself to eat crow and neck nuzzle with her... but not at the cost of losing Sweetie Belle’s respect. Button was at an impasse unlike any he had ever face before and, for the first time in his life, he whimpered a prayer to Princess Luna, a princess who was accustomed to helping children with their nightmares. He asked for a miracle. Sweetie Belle looked at her coltfriend’s face and saw the torment behind the tears in them. The sight of Button crying was hardly an uncommon one; Celestia knew he had cried over much less than this. She closed her eyes and concentrated... and a tear fell from her face as she made a decision that would spare Button from having to make one. “I’m wait-iiiiing,” said Diamond Tiara as she lowered her head and closed her eyes, fully expecting Button to give in to her demands and nuzzle with her. “And Sweetie Belle, you’d better watch me nuzzle him or it won’t count.” Button filled his lungs with the air he was going to put to use defying Diamond Tiara and put down his favorite franchise. Inexplicably, he felt his hooves leave the ground. He looked down and confirmed that he was being levitated a few inches in the air. He was being moved toward Diamond Tiara – by Sweetie Belle. Once he was above the pink filly, he was set back down and his throat rested against the back of her neck as he was lowered to the ground. Diamond Tiara gently turned her head left and right, reveling in the nuzzle she extorted from her classmate as blatantly as possible. Button winced at the contact. It made him feel dirty and he definitely didn’t want to admit to himself that her mane smelled pretty nice; girl nice. Like Sweetie Belle, only different. He trembled but stood his ground, hoping that this would be over soon. “Mmmmmhmhmhmhm,” cooed Diamond Tiara as she looked at Sweetie Belle. “Oooooooh, your coltfriend’s neck is so warm, Sweetie Belle. I can see why you enjoy nuzzling with him.” Sweetie Belle turned her back on the painful display. She sat down, hung her head and sulked. She was pretending to be disappointed in Button’s “disloyalty” but the reality was that she was afraid to learn what his choice would have been, not to mention that seeing him nuzzle the neck of another filly really was upsetting for her. Did Button even comprehend the pain that she felt right now? Diamond Tiara smiled, having harvested the reaction that she had been waiting for. To her, Sweetie Belle’s tears were sweeter than ice cream. She took a few steps backward and moved out from under Button’s neck. Before she had set her neck upright again, Button had already turned around. He was sulking, just like his fillyfriend was. “Okay, that’s enough,” said Diamond Tiara. “I ought to have my head examined for doing that. What was I thinking? I can feel your blank flank germs crawling all over me. Eugh!” She shook her mane out and approached Sweetie Belle who was lying prostrate on the ground. “I believe that I’ve sufficiently proven my superiority over you today, wouldn’t you agree, Sweetie Belle? There’s nothing you have that I can’t take away from you whenever I feel like it. Let that thought keep you awake at night. No, really, I insist. You should have known better than to step up to me all high and mighty just because you have a coltfriend and I don’t. But then, how good of a catch could he possibly be if he’s more loyal to his video games than he is to you? Looks to me as though there’s trouble in blank flank paradise. Oh, and the next time you get the urge to match wits with me, just remember this. The deck will always be stacked against you because you are precisely who you are. Sweet. Gentle. Merciful. You can’t hang with me because your heart’s not in it so don’t even try. And you having a coltfriend only gives me a bigger target to hit. See you back at the schoolhouse, blank flanks. It’s been fun – for me. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!” With that, Diamond Tiara walked away with her head held high, humming a carefree tune. Button blinked as he took in the scrumptious silence that was a total absence of Diamond Tiara. The crisis was over. He looked at Sweetie Belle. She was still lying on the ground. He wondered why she would permit him to nuzzle Diamond Tiara when he was willing to refuse. She sacrificed her dignity – her dignity! – so that he wouldn’t lose something that he loved. But why would she do such a thing for him? Was it because she loved him? That had to be the answer. “Sweetie Belle,” said Button, approaching her sheepishly. “Thank you. What you did for me was the second most beautiful thing I’ve ever experienced.” His voice had the affect commonly associated with a pony holding something in their teeth. Sweetie Belle grinned as she rubbed the tears from her eyes. She stood up and brushed the loose blades of grassy debris from her coat. “What was the first?” asked Sweetie Belle as she turned around, expecting to hear about some video game achievement. She gasped, incredulous that she was really seeing the item that Button held in his mouth. It was Diamond Tiara’s namesake. Its removal from her head had apparently escaped her notice. She’d be back for it once she learned that it was missing and that she’d figure out that Button was the one who had “liberated” it but for now, the tiara was in their possession. They shared a wicked grin, knowing that she’d suffer every second she was without it. Sweetie Belle knew that they’d have to return it to its rightful owner eventually so damaging it wasn’t an option and even if they could make it to a pawn shop before class was back in session, there was no way that anypony who worked there would buy such a valuable item from a foal. What could they do with it in the meantime? Sweetie Belle hadn’t a clue. Button knew exactly what to do with it. Standing on his hind legs, he carefully placed the tiara atop Sweetie Belle’s head. It fit perfectly. Sweetie Belle wanted to see herself with it on and was about to suggest that they head over to the stream so that she could see her reflection in the water but then, without warning, Button leaned in and gently... ...passionately... ...and genuinely... ...kissed his impromptu princess on the lips for the very first time. A tingly warmth traveled throughout Sweetie Belle’s body that felt as though she was being cooked by lightning bolts. Was the tiara a lightning rod? She closed her eyes as she felt that fantastic energy spread all the way down to her hooftips. A single tear of joy ran down her cheek as Button disengaged the kiss that took her breath away, the kiss she would remember for the rest of her life. The magic kiss. “That,” answered Button softly. Sweetie Belle could almost hear her heart explode upon hearing Button’s delayed reply. Her legs threatened to buckle underneath her as the tidal wave of emotions that crashed over her soul caused her to swoon. Tears streamed down her face and her lips quivered so much that if Button hadn’t put an end to the kiss, her involuntary lip movement would have. The fictional accounts of kisses like these did not do it justice. Sweetie Belle was now in the enviable position of being one of the select few who had received a genuine magic kiss. She would tell her tale often to all who wished to hear it and maybe even to a few who didn’t want to hear it. That is, assuming that this kiss actually happened. Her eyes were still closed, after all. Fear and paranoia soon joined the bevy of emotions she was feeling, fear that this was all a beautiful dream and that, when she opened her eyes, she’d wake up from a nap she had taken in front of the tree and Button would be gone. The more she thought about it, the more everything seemed to come together a little too conveniently. She had to know. Slowly, she opened her eyes. “When me and Diamond Tiara were nuzzling, I was so scared that she was going to try to kiss me,” said Button with a noticeable quiver in his voice, “and then it hit me that I hadn’t even kissed you yet and what a bummer that would have been for both of us if she had stolen my very first kiss; the one that was meant for you. When I didn’t know what else to do, I prayed to Princess Luna for a miracle. But what I was too blind to see was that I was already given one. You’re that miracle, Sweetie Belle. You did what you did because you loved me.” Button sniffled as tears began to well up in his eyes. “So I did what I just did because... I love you, too.” The pony who Sweetie Belle knew as Button Mash – her coltfriend – had indeed vanished. And in his place was Button Mash – the colt that she was destined to marry someday. And she was very pleased to make his acquaintance. “I don’t think that he’s ‘the one’, Mom,” whimpered a glossy-eyed Sweetie Belle with a lump in her throat, a quiver in her voice and nostrils that ran like a pair of leaky faucets. “I know... that he’s ‘the one’.”