“... You have to admit the circumstances were strange. I don’t think anypony else has ever gotten a Royal Blessing for something like this before.”
“Don’t you think we ought to tell her, Night Light?”
“Of course not! She’s still way too young, Velvet. She won’t understand.”
“She’s a smart filly. If we don’t tell her soon she’ll probably figure it out herself!”
“I hope not. Honestly, I hope she never finds out…”
Twilight Sparkle’s eyes slowly opened, her world a fuzzy and unfocused mess as consciousness slowly returned to her. Her parents’ voices drifted away along with the dream, only a fragment of the scene remaining.
Her parents. When was the last time she’d seen them? Shining Armor’s wedding? It had been far too long.
Twilight saw less of her parents ever since she became Princess Celestia’s student. She missed them terribly and treasured every time she was able to see them. From what she could tell they felt the same way, but in recent years Twilight noticed something seemed to be eating at them whenever they got together.
Pushing aside those thoughts, Twilight shifted to get more comfortable in her bed. Her eyes suddenly shot open when she realized where she was. Twilight was wrapped snugly in the blankets of her own bed! Gasping, Twilight sat up and rubbed her eyes, forcing them to focus so she could see her surroundings. She looked around at the oak wood walls, floor and ceiling. Twilight looked at the bookshelves filled with… actually pretty disorganized books and the familiar purple drapes covering the window to her right. Twilight was in her own bedroom up in the loft above the second floor of Golden Oaks Library. Most importantly, it was all real! She was home!
Twilight was unable to keep the big goofy grin off of her face as she hopped out of bed and drew open the curtains with a burst of telekinetic magic, letting bright sunlight fill the dark room. It was then that Twilight wondered: had she really been teleported to another world by an A.I inside of an alien ship? Had she really met the eccentric red and blue armored humans in the canyon and been chased by a sinister military program? Or was it all just a dream?
Twilight then glanced over at her bedside table and saw something that made her do a double take. Slowly, Twilight walked over to her night stand and kept her eyes glued to the foreign object sitting on top of it, thinking it might disappear if she blinked. With a glow of purple magic, Twilight lifted the small metal object off the table and found herself staring at the radio headset that Simmons had made for her back in Blood Gulch.
So it wasn’t a dream. Still, Twilight couldn’t help but smile. Just the other day, she had awoken in the passenger seat of an alien motorized vehicle thinking she might never get to go through her morning routine in Ponyville ever again. This thought suddenly caused the unicorn to pause. How did she get here?
Twilight remembered traveling to the wind power facility (Zanzibar if she remembered correctly) and then a city-sized space ship; the Mother of Invention. She then remembered being in the Everfree Forest, facing an otherworldly monstrous creature. What happened after?
Muffled voices suddenly found their way to Twilight’s ears from the first floor below. She hastily climbed down from the loft and quietly made her way to the stairs, listening to the voices the entire time.
“I’m just saying I’m worried, dear. It’s not like our Twilight to stay in bed this late!”
Twilight immediately recognized the posh, dignified voice as that of a certain white unicorn she knew. Upon reaching the top of the stairs, Twilight saw Rarity standing in the center of the main floor talking to Rainbow Dash. Fluttershy stood just behind the other pegasus. All three of them were covered in scrapes and bruises and Rainbow Dash had several bandages on one of her wings and hind legs.
“Rarity, Twi just traveled across the freakin’ galaxy and saved us from a big alien monster. I think she’s earned the right to sleep in a bit!” Rainbow Dash argued.
Twilight grinned. “At least I stay awake for the whole day once I’m up!”
“Twilight!” Fluttershy was the first one to see Twilight standing there at the top of the stairs, smiling widely at them.
Twilight wasted no time in racing down the stairs to her friends, who in turn raced to meet her at the bottom. Twilight exchanged hugs with each of them, with Fluttershy throwing in a few extra nuzzles and Rainbow Dash throwing in a nudge for Twilight’s earlier jab.
“Well at least I wake up before noon!” Rainbow retorted.
“Is that what time it is?” Sure enough, one glance at her clock on the wall confirmed that it was ten past noon.
Twilight then heard the pit-a-pat of tiny feet and turned around to see a purple baby dragon wearing a frilly pink apron come running out of the kitchen toward her. Spike hugged Twilight with strength that actually surprised her and held on for several seconds before he realized that the other ponies in the room were staring.
“Uh… I wasn’t worried about you or anything. I just… thought you needed a hug!” Spike said, letting go and coughing awkwardly.
Twilight wrapped a hoof around her number one assistant. “I missed you too, Spike!”
Smiling, Twilight returned her attention to the three other ponies in the room. “I’m really happy to see you guys, but what are you doing here?”
Rarity gave a good natured sigh. “Well, I’ve been living here while my boutique gets rebuilt and these two were stuck here after the lockdown was initiated.”
“Lockdown?”
Rarity walked over to a nearby window and beckoned Twilight over. The normally busy streets of Ponyville were emptier than usual for this time of day. Twilight only saw two ponies walking side by side far down the street. It took a moment for Twilight to realize that the distant ponies were wearing guard’s armor. She then looked up and noticed multiple squads of armored pegasi flying overhead.
“With the Meta still on the loose, the Princess isn’t taking any chances,” Rarity stated.
Twilight tilted her head. “The Meta?”
“Um… that would be the really scary monster that attacked us in the Everfree Forest the other night,” Fluttershy said with a slight tremble in her voice.
“Yeah, Princess Celestia told us that thing killed a ton of ponies in Dodge City!” Rainbow glowered, her head lowered and her bandaged wings extended.
Twilight nodded, before she suddenly remembered what had happened before she passed out. Princess Celestia had appeared out of nowhere in the nick of time to save her from the Meta.
“Wait, the Princess! Where is she? Is she here?”
Rarity shook her head. “She stuck around for a bit to make sure we were all okay, then returned to Canterlot after leaving you with us.”
“Oh…” Twilight’s ears fell. She knew Princess Celestia was always very busy with her duties in Canterlot. Still, knowing she didn’t stick around to wait for Twilight to wake up hurt a little. That and Twilight had wanted to ask her a few questions. Princess Luna’s warning still echoed in her mind.
A loud growling noise interrupted Twilight’s thoughts. It was only from observing the way her friends all looked at her that she realized the sound had come from her stomach.
“Right… guess I haven’t eaten since Zanzibar…”
“I was just making lunch for everypony. You should join us!” Spike exclaimed, turning back toward the kitchen. “I wanna hear about your space adventures!”
“Yes, I suppose we should tell you everything that’s happened here while you were gone as well,” Rarity said. “You have a lot to catch up on!”
“Dude, you haven’t missed out on much,” Grif told the dark skinned man. “We really don’t ever do anything.”
The three members of Blood Gulch’s Red Team sat in a moderately sized office on board the UNSC Mother of Invention. Several minutes ago, Simmons and his comrades on Red Team were certain that they would be killed. Wyoming and his men had the three of them lined up before the barrels of their rifles and seemed ready to pull the trigger when a soldier in light gray ODST armor with red detail approached with a squad of her own men in gray armor.
“Wyoming? What is going on here?” she had asked. Her voice sounded slightly Irish, which stuck out to Simmons being of Dutch-Irish descent.
The white armored Freelancer in question turned to face the newcomer and gave her a casual shrug.
“Nothing for you to concern yourself with, Captain Osgoode. These men are simply dealing with the source of the disturbance in the generator room,” Wyoming had said in his eternally patronizing British accent.
“It concerns me when you’re about to execute prisoners without authorization from Command.”
Wyoming scoffed. “What makes you so sure I don’t have authorization?”
“Because Command ordered me to take this particular lot in for questioning. The Counselor thinks they may know something about the equine alien,” Osgoode had argued. Wyoming seemed unhappy with the situation but nevertheless left Osgoode to her task, glaring at the Reds as he left.
The trio now sat across a desk from the man who introduced himself as simply the Counselor. The man had dark skin, a shaved head and wore a modest black and gray officer’s uniform. Like the Counselor himself, the office space was modest, catering more to organization and efficiency than to personal taste (something that Simmons greatly appreciated). The only object that didn’t appear directly related to the Counselor’s work in Project Freelancer was a framed diploma from Corvus Academy in the field of Psychology.
“I see, Sergeant Grif,” the Counselor responded in a voice that was as soft and soothing as it was monotonous and unsettling. “Perhaps then you should start with what you were doing down in the slipspace generator room.”
The fact that the Counselor was directing all of his questions at Grif due to his status as the leader of their squad caused Sarge to huff in frustration every so often, but the man in standard issue red armor knew better than to voice his grievances to someone like the Counselor.
“We were trying to capture Twilight What’s-her-name like you people told us to do!” Grif exclaimed.
At this, the Counselor raised an eyebrow. “Interesting. And when did you receive these orders?”
Grif and Simmons both looked over at Sarge, who had been the one to actually receive the call from Command.
“Why, jus’ the other day I got a call from someone at Red Command sayin’ I had to gather my squad - and Grif - so we could kill the Blues and capture Twilight Smurfle,” Sarge drawled.
The Counselor brought up a holographic screen on his desk and spent a few moments scrolling through information before returning his attention to the Reds.
“Interesting. Project Freelancer has no records of giving those orders. Whoever contacted you was not from Command.”
“Gadzooks! No wonder that guy didn’t seem to know about my orders from Red Army Catalogue!”
“Or it could be because none of the things you order actually exist!” Grif snarked.
“Oh yeah? We’ll see who’s talking when my new toxic radiation turns you into a giant rampaging monster!” Sarge exclaimed, “You certainly won’t, because the mutation will cause your mouth to fall off!”
“Let’s… try to stay on topic,” The Counselor said. “Now, you managed to track the equine alien and those who were helping it to the Mother of Invention, correct?”
The Reds all nodded.
“Do you know where the alien is now?”
The Reds all exchanged looks, none of them really sure how to answer. They’d all seen Twilight and the Blues seemingly disappear into thin air in the generator room, but to where they didn’t know. Simmons had an idea of where Twilight and the Blues may have ended up, but he was hesitant to answer. Despite his indifference towards the Blues, he actually kind of liked Twilight in the sense that conversation with her was tolerable.
“Actually sir, it’s possible that she was able to teleport herself and the Blues back to her homeworld,” Simmons said, his eagerness to obey authority ultimately winning out.
Grif coughed in a way that sounded a lot like “Snitch!”
The Counselor nodded. “I see. As it happens, the equine homeworld is our current destination. With any luck, this matter will be resolved relatively quickly. As for the matter of your own transgressions, because of the fact that you believed you were operating under orders from Command - combined with the fact that your efforts may have been beneficial to Project Freelancer had they succeeded - I do not believe any punishment is necessary. You three can remain on board the Mother of Invention for the duration of our mission on Caballinus IV.”
“Sweet! Once again the law fails to hold me accountable! Suck it, society!” Grif proclaimed.
“There is just one more thing I would like to address,” the Counselor leaned back in his chair and templed his hands. “You all seem to be familiar with the equine alien on a more… personal level. You wouldn’t at any point have... helped the target, would you?”
The Reds responded immediately.
“Of course not, son! That’s crazy talk!” Sarge exclaimed.
“Yeah, totally crazy!” said Simmons
“Fucking Looney Tunes!” Grif added.
The Counselor carefully regarded each of the Reds for a few agonizing moments. “Does the name ‘Agent Washington’ mean anything to you?”
This time the Reds’ denial was genuine. Each of them shook their heads after a few exchanged glances.
“Washington was a Freelancer who, like you, was tasked with apprehending the alien. Unlike you, I imagine, Washington elected instead to help the target in her efforts to evade us. He is of course now in our custody and being interrogated by the Director himself.” The Counselor leaned forward and gave the gathered Reds a hard glare, “I am certain the insight he can provide us into what transpired earlier will be invaluable.
“And don’t worry, if Washington brings any new information regarding your involvement in these affairs to light, we’ll be sure to notify you immediately for another discussion…”
A very unladylike burp caught Twilight off guard as she dabbed the remainders of her brunch off of her face with a napkin. “Sorry…” a blush formed on her face.
“Don’t be. I take that as a compliment!” Spike shrugged looking a little proud.
The drake had every right to be so. The steamed vegetables, daisy and daffodil soup and nachos had been the most filling things Twilight had eaten in days. Suffice to say, at this moment she felt absolutely refreshed. Twilight had taken a quick shower at Rarity’s polite hints that she was in desperate need of one (and Twilight’s mane was greasy and uncomfortable after having not washed it since being whisked away to Blood Gulch).
Over the course of the meal, Rarity, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash took turns telling Twilight all about what had happened while she was gone. From Pinkie Pie burning down Carousel Boutique under O’Malley’s influence to their battle with Tex to the mysterious M.I. expert Sunset Shimmer. Their stories had kept Twilight riveted as she ate and in turn, kept her mind off of what was bothering her.
“Hello? Equestria to Twi!” Rainbow Dash waved a hoof in front of Twilight, who didn’t even realize she had been zoning out.
“Um, is everything okay, Twilight?” Fluttershy asked carefully. “I know you’ve been through a lot these past few days, so if there’s something on your mind…”
Twilight took a breath. She’d been hoping to simply enjoy a day back home with her friends without delving into her problems. As it happened, her friends knew her too well to allow that to happen.
“You guys said you were with Princess Celestia for a bit last night,” Twilight paused. There was no way she was going to say what she wanted without raising a few eyebrows. “Did she seem to be acting… unusual to you guys?”
Raised eyebrows and uncertain glances filled every face at the table. “Actually, now that you mention it, something seemed to be greatly troubling her when she left you with me, but she left before I could ask her about it. Why do you ask, dear?” Rarity said.
With a sigh, Twilight told her friends about the dream conversation she had with Princess Luna back in Blood Gulch. She spoke of Celestia’s withholding of information and Luna’s cryptic warning of something bad coming to Equestria.
“... She even told me that Princess Celestia specifically didn’t want me involved with any of this!” Twilight exclaimed, her voice cracking. “After all these years… I-I thought she trusted me!”
At this, Spike stood and moved around the kitchen table beside Twilight. “Twi? Can I show you something?”
Twilight looked up at her friends, who all shrugged before returning her attention to Spike. “Okay….”
Twilight got up from her seat and let the little dragon lead her out of the kitchen into the main room of the library with Rarity, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy following. Spike led her over to an inconspicuous chest on a table beside one of the bookshelves and gestured for Twilight to open it. It was strange, Twilight didn’t remember owning a faded red chest with shiny gold rims.
With a flash of her horn, Twilight willed the lid of the chest to open and then moved forward to peek inside. Her eyes widened at what she saw: five pieces of familiar golden jewelry with each of her friends’ cutie marks on them.
“The Elements of Harmony?” Twilight turned to look at Spike, who simply gave her a warm smile.
“Princess Celestia had them brought here last night. What more evidence do you need? She trusts you completely!”
A smile returning to her face, Twilight pulled her number one assistant into a hug. “Since when did you get to be so smart?” she asked with a playful edge to her voice.
“You mean you’re just noticing now?” Spike answered just as playfully.
“Next time the Meta comes around, we’ll give it a taste of awesome rainbow lasers!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.
Twilight nodded, letting go of Spike and returning her gaze to the five magical superweapons. Wait, five?
“Where’s mine?”
“Huh?” The others all looked at Twilight in confusion.
“The Element of Magic! It’s not here!”
The others all crowded around Twilight and looked inside the chest. Sure enough, the five golden necklaces were all there but a certain tiara with the emblem of a six pointed star was nowhere to be seen.
“Great. Three guesses who took it and the first two and a half don’t count…” Rainbow Dash deadpanned.
“Whuh…?” Twilight looked at Rainbow Dash with confusion.
“Um… yes, Twilight. I know you like to give everypon… everyone a fair chance at friendship, but your new friends are… not very nice,” Fluttershy said.
“My new friends?” Twilight asked. Then it dawned on her. It couldn’t be them, could it?
“C’mon…” Spike sighed and began once again leading Twilight to another part of the library.
Twilight and the others followed him to the door leading to the basement stairs and soon the group started to descend. As they did so, the sound of voices began to resonate from the basement laboratory below. Familiar voices.
“Look! Church! I am the Princess of Crayons!” A goofy, high-pitched male voice proclaimed.
“Dammit, Caboose! Where the fuck did you get that?” A nasally, angry male voice shouted.
The group arrived at the bottom of the stairs and into the basement lab full of Twilight’s blinking scientific equipment just in time to see a bipedal man in cobalt blue armor swipe a golden tiara from the head of a man in plain blue armor.
“Well I hope you’re happy, Church! Now no one in the kingdom’s getting to eat any delicious crayons!”
“Caboose? Church???” Twilight exclaimed.
“Oh hey, Twilight. You’re finally up,” Church said, turning to face the unicorn and her friends while simultaneously keeping the Element of Magic away from the grabby Caboose. “About fuckin’ time. And I thought the rainbow one was lazy…”
“Why does everyone always say that?” Rainbow Dash asked indignantly. “I take a lot of naps because I work hard!”
Rainbow turned to Twilight and gestured with both front hooves to Church and Caboose. “See what we mean, Twilight?”
Twilight smiled apologetically. “They’re not so bad once you get to know them.”
If Twilight still had any doubts that the events of the past few days hadn’t been a dream, the sight of Church and Caboose washed those doubts away. Twilight glanced past Church and suddenly realized why he and Caboose were down in her basement. Lying on an operating table next to a bunch of her equipment was the same robot in black armor that had been on the ship. The one Church called ‘Tex.’
“How did you guys get here? I didn’t think the teleport worked on you!”
“Oh, it worked. We just ended up a little closer to your intended target than you did,” Church explained, taking a step forward to give Twilight the Element of Magic he confiscated from Caboose, “and we got into some pretty big trouble because of it!”
“You do realize we could get into a lot of trouble if we do this, right?” Simmons asked.
The man in maroon armor stood in the large cavernous hangar on board the Mother of Invention with his teammates on either side of him. Through a clear blue forcefield, the stars could be seen against the black emptiness of space. A green and blue planet stretched out below like an ocean. Project Freelancer soldiers and pilots in white armor filled the large wide open metal space as they moved supply crates, ran weapon checks and generally moved back and forth as they prepared the small fleet of Pelican dropships for departure. The three Reds stood in front of one such dropship that seemed relatively ignored by the other gray and white soldiers.
“I hate to agree with Simmons, but yeah. This plan is fucking stupid!” Grif said.
The Mother of Invention had been traveling for almost a full day before the ship’s onboard A.I. (whose voice sounded remarkably like the Blues’ tank from Blood Gulch) announced that they had left slipspace and arrived at their destination: a planet called Caballinus IV. It wasn’t long after that when Sarge had left their assigned quarters and disappeared.
While this would have suited Grif just fine, Simmons pointed out that if Sarge did anything to cause trouble, the repercussions might extend to the two of them as well. So it was with reluctance that Grif went with Simmons to search the large vessel for the wayward sergeant. They eventually found him in the main hangar, snooping around one of the dropships. When asked what he was doing, Sarge had responded simply.
“Think about it, Grif! If the Blues are down on that planet, then we need a ship to get down there!” Sarge exclaimed. “That or one of them ODST drop pods, but I’d really rather not get into one of those things again if I can help it!”
Drop pods were what the UNSC’s ODST (Orbital Drop Shock Troopers) used to enter a planet’s atmosphere; literally being dropped from an orbiting ship onto the planet below. Sarge had apparently been an ODST before his days in Blood Gulch and as Grif understood, the ship they were on now was equipped with its own set of drop pods. To Grif though, stealing a ship was just as stupid as jumping out of one.
“Do we really have nothing better to do than follow the Blues around?” Grif asked.
“You said so yourself: we really don’t ever do anything,” Simmons sighed.
“Yeah, but that’s a lifestyle choice!” Grif took another thoughtful look at the ship Sarge was appraising and noticed something he didn’t earlier. “Hey, isn’t that a ‘hog?”
Sarge turned around and glared at Grif. “Simmons… did Grif call me fat just now?”
“I don’t see why he’d do that, considering you’ve never looked more fit and attractive, sir!” Simmons said. “Have you been working out?”
“Why yes, Simmons! I’m glad somebody noticed!”
“Also, Grif’s not really in a position to talk when it comes to peoples’ weight!”
“First of all, fuck you! Second, I was talking about the jeep!” Grif pointed under the “tail” of the Pelican dropship where a Warthog was suspended just under the engines.
“What about it, numbnuts?” Sarge asked.
Grif ignored the fact that Sarge was once again forgetting who was in charge now. “What’s it doing up there?”
“It looks like it’s being prepped for transport,” Simmons looked around the bustling hangar. “All the other ships here seem like they’re being prepared for… something.”
“That doesn’t matter right now, Simmons! What matters is that this ship here is ready to take us and our trademark vehicle planetside!” Sarge exclaimed.
“Okay, even if going down to an alien planet to pick another fight with the Blues wasn’t completely stupid, planets are really big...” Grif explained.
“Yeah, no shit Sherlock,” Simmons grumbled. “Hey Sarge, you might also like to know that water is wet and food goes in here!” Simmons pointed to where his mouth was behind his chrome visor.
“... Which means that even if the Blues are down there, we’re not gonna be able to find them!” Grif continued.
Sarge simply chuckled and held his shotgun at a proud angle, “Wrong again, Sergeant Turd! Not only do I know the Blues are down there, I have a way to track them!”
Sarge paused dramatically, allowing the suspense to build while the other two awaited an explanation.
Grif chuckled. “This should be good. Let me guess: you noticed the first letter of each line in the morning paper spelled ‘the Blues are here.’”
“Nice try, Grif. The letters actually spelled ‘omelet shak fslbrr,’ but that’s not how I intend to track them! You remember that robot body I built for the Blues way back when?”
Grif went silent very quickly.
“If I recall, that Blue spirit feller is still inside of my robot. A ghost in the machine as it were!” Sarge took a moment to chuckle at his own joke before continuing. “Now, remember how I built a bomb and a listening device into said robot body?”
Grif remembered that alright. The bomb inside of Church’s robot gut had caused all of them to be blasted one thousand years into the future. At least according to Sarge. Grif knew better of course. Unfortunately, he also knew it was far easier to just go along with Sarge’s “future” theory than it was to explain to the delusional man why he was wrong. According to Simmons though, the listening device had actually proved useful for one purpose.
Grif and Simmons suddenly heard voices coming through their helmet radios. They didn’t sound like they were being intentionally broadcast, though.
“Look! Church! I am the Princess of Crayons!”
“Dammit, Caboose! Where the fuck did you get that?”
“Well I hope you’re happy, Church! Now no one in the kingdom’s getting to eat any delicious crayons!”
“Caboose? Church???”
The familiar voices disappeared and Sarge stopped broadcasting the feed from the listening device to Grif and Simmons’ radios. Grif could almost hear the smug smile in Sarge’s tone as he spoke.
“All we need is for Simmons to trace the signal just like last time!”
Grif and Simmons stood there in stunned silence, which was eventually broken by Simmons. “Wow… that’s actually really smart, sir!”
“For a kiss ass, you sound pretty surprised,” Grif pointed out.
“What? That wasn’t a ‘wow’ of surprise, that was a ‘wow’ of awe!”
“Right, Simmons’ bullshit aside, there’s still the issue of this whole idea being stupid anyway!”
“What’s more stupid, Private Grif...?” Asked Sarge.
“Sergeant!”
“... Going down there to get to the bottom of this alien pony business, or staying here and waiting for the bigwigs of Project Freelancer to find a reason to court-martial us? You know as well as I that that Counselor fella trusts us about as much as he trusts a dinosaur with an erection!”
“Um… what?”
“But if we go down there and get that pony, we may just gain his trust!”
Grif looked away, not wanting to accept the fact that Sarge may actually have a point. He found himself looking across the hangar to where a particular Freelancer in white armor was cleaning a sniper rifle. Wyoming slowly looked up from his work at Grif back across the hangar. After a few uncomfortable moments, Wyoming raised a hand and performed a slitting motion with his finger across his own neck while somehow staring a hole through Grif despite the presence of his helmet.
With a resigned sigh Grif turned back to Sarge. “Fine. Guess I should learn how to pilot this thing...”
“No need, Grif! This model has an autopilot feature we can use,” Sarge took another appreciative look at the ship they were about to use and Grif got a little nervous when he noticed Sarge’s gaze seemed to rest on the Warthog attached to the Pelican’s underside.
“Besides, if we’ll be landing on a planet filled with colorful aliens, we might as well arrive in style!”
Colors. From his position on the front patio of the large, gazebo-like structure in the center of town, Church looked out onto a sea of colors. Coats, manes and angry, hateful eyes of cyan, yellow, red, blue and every color in the spectrum filled his vision, illuminated by torches in the darkness of night.
The mob had tied both his and Caboose’s hands together with rope and their weapons were taken off to the side of the makeshift stage, being closely scrutinized by one of the ponies. Church had considered offering resistance when the mob of angry ponies first charged at him and Caboose, but realized it was a vain effort. Church likely wouldn’t be able to actually hit any of them with his sniper rifle and Caboose was more likely to kill him than any of their attackers. Thus, Church simply settled for peaceful cooperation. Peaceful save for the various profanities and insults he threw as they bound him and Caboose and corralled them up to where they were standing now.
Currently, the brown winged stallion with a pink-ish red mane and tail who appeared to be the ring leader paced back and forth in front of them, looking out at his crowd of followers.
“Everypony! We have the monsters that took our foals!” he exclaimed to the crowd.
The crowd’s resounding cheer was so loud that Church’s proclamation of “That’s fucking bullshit!” was lost to the noise.
The stallion then turned to Church and Caboose and glared at them hatefully,.“So where are they? Where are the fillies you took? Where’s my daughter?”
Church took a step backward. He wasn’t sure how such a relatively small creature could be so intimidating. “I didn’t take shit, dude! Don’t blame me just because I’m a human! That’s profiling!”
The ring leader turned back to face the gathered mob. “Very well, the monsters won’t talk! What should we do with them?”
At this, the crowd erupted with enthusiastic suggestions.
“Lock them in a dungeon!” screamed a mare.
“Banish them to the Badlands!” cried another.
“Burn the witch!” yelled a stallion who didn’t really seem to know where he was.
“Burn them, banish them and lock them in a dungeon in the place they were banished to… and then cut off those creepy spidery appendages at the end of their arms!” The whole crowd turned to look in shock at the mint green unicorn mare who seemed on the verge of tears, “I HATE ALIENS! I HATE THEM!”
A beige mare with a curly pink and pigment blue mane beside the green unicorn brought a hoof to her face and shook her head. “And you wonder why I never take you anywhere…”
“Hey, wait a minute! I think if you’re gonna persecute us you should at least let us say something in our defense!” Church pointed out.
The stallion ring leader turned to look at him and then smiled. “An excellent point, alien!” He then turned to look at Caboose. “Blue one! Why don’t you speak for your ally and yourself?”
Church glared at the stallion. “Son of a bitch…”
Caboose happily stepped forward and cleared his throat. “Ladies and not-ladies! We are gathered here today to bear witness to me and my best friend of all time, Church!”
Church groaned. Talk about adding insult to injury.
“Now that I said that, I think you should punish Church because he is mean, he hoards all of the candy and I’m pretty sure I watched him punch a cat. Like, it wasn’t even covered in spikes! Why would he do that?” Caboose nodded as he wrapped up his argument, “In concluding, God bless America. Except Alabama. Amen.”
With that, Caboose returned to Church’s side seeming pleased with himself. The man in cobalt armor simply glared at him.
“Well, at least I can say I know what it feels like to be hit by a bus before I die, because you fucking threw me under it!” Church hissed.
“The world of politics is a dog eat dog world, Church,” Caboose said sagely. “If you want to survive, you have to eat dogs. Which is gross.”
“What a compelling argument!” the brown pegasus stated before turning to Church. “What about you, uh… other blue one! Do you want to say anything in your defense?”
“Yeah, I wanna say that you’re all assholes and I hope you die! Preferably in a way involving fire!” Church had given up on diplomacy at that point.
As the rabble of gathered ponies increased in volume, Church considered his options. He could always go “ghost mode” on these ponies and make them freak out long enough for him and Caboose to escape. Of course, Church wasn’t sure where they would go on an unfamiliar planet full of hostile aliens. Suffice to say, he was beginning to understand how Twilight had felt when she was on his planet. Maybe if he could just find Twilight, she could talk some sense into everyone. All of a sudden, a lone authoritative voice rose above the rabble and silenced them.
“What is going on here, my little ponies?”
Church followed the maternal yet firm female voice to its source and saw what appeared to be a large white horse with a mane and tail resembling an aurora borealis that moved in much the same way as the northern lights back on Earth. She had wings and a horn and wore golden regalia on her head and across her chest. Beside her stood a light brown pony with gray hair and glasses along with a small purple lizard standing on two legs. The two of them had been standing where Church and Caboose were now, but they’d disappeared when the mob captured them. It would appear they had gone to find the large white horse who was now glaring at the crowd.
All of the ponies who had moments ago been a hateful and unruly mob dropped to their knees and bowed low at the sight of the majestic white equine, their ears folding back under her calm, serious gaze. The large white pony then met Church’s eyes and something about her expression changed. It was subtle, but Church thought it looked like shock. No, not quite shock. Surprise.
“You…” The regal white pony briskly trotted towards the patio that Church and Caboose stood on, the crowd of groveling ponies moving aside as she passed. The pony and lizard that were with her remained where they were.
“Princess Celestia…” the mob leader rose from his own bow as he addressed the regal pony, but kept his stance low and submissive as he pointed a hoof at Church, “these creatures have taken two of our foals, including my baby filly!”
“Scootaloo is fine, Rider. I personally drove off the monster that attacked her. These two are innocent,” the Princess said calmly. At this, the stallion who moments before had been the thuggish leader of a mob changed. His eyes turned wide and desperate, his posture small and vulnerable. He then glanced in Church’s direction and his eyes shifted down to his own hooves.
“I believe Rarity has taken her and Sweetie Belle to Ponyville General,” Princess Celestia continued, looking at the pegasus stallion sympathetically. “Go to her.”
Not needing to be told twice, Rider gave the Princess another hasty bow, “T-thank you, your Highness!” He then flapped his wings and took off at full speed in the direction Church presumed the hospital was in.
Princess Celestia then turned to address the crowd and gave them a firm look a mother might give misbehaving children. “I’m very disappointed with all of you. I know you fear what you do not understand, but this is inexcusable. This is not the way I expect my ponies to act,” Celestia swept the crowd with her eyes, making sure each individual present could see them, “I expect better from you in the future. You may go now.”
With no more words, the colorful crowd of equines began to disperse. The light brown mare with glasses helped usher the ponies away with a loud authoritative voice. The little purple lizard went to a white pony with a fancy purple mane who was approaching from down the street.
“That’s it? You aren’t going to punish them? Stick someone’s head on a pike or something? Lame,” Church said, somewhat annoyed.
The pony Princess gave Church a sideways glance before wordlessly looking in the direction of the dispersing crowd. Church followed her gaze, somehow knowing it led to her answer. The way each of the ponies slowly shuffled away with their tails quite literally between their legs changed his mind. The way they behaved, their Princess might as well have declared her intentions to execute them all.
“You are a really cool horse… I would like to feed you a rainbow carrot and call you Sparky!” Caboose exclaimed.
The Princess regarded Caboose with some confusion before she turned to look at Church with the same uncertainty as when she first saw him. “You shouldn’t be here! This doesn’t make any sense….”
Church cocked his head. “Uh… excuse me?”
Celestia took an urgent step closer. “Is he here as well? Or did you escape?”
“Look, lady. I have zero fuckin’ idea what you’re talking about. I came here with…” Church trailed off when he noticed that the Princess was carrying something on her back: a pony. A purple unicorn mare that he knew. “Twilight! Hey, Twilight! You okay?”
Church stepped around beside Celestia to get a better look at the unconscious unicorn. Celestia just looked at Church with a puzzled expression.
“You know Twilight Sparkle?”
“Hell yeah, she appeared in my canyon and wouldn’t stop bothering me until I agreed to help her find a way here,” Church explained.
The Princess gave Church a quizzical look. “And… you don’t remember…?”
“Remember what? Is it your birthday?” Caboose then gasped loudly. “Is it my birthday? Oh man, I totally forgot to get myself a present!”
Celestia just closed her eyes and shook her head before putting on a friendly smile. “Never mind. If you’re both friends of Twilight then I’ll make sure you are safe while you are here.”
Church nodded. “Yeah, thanks. You ponies really roll out the red carpet for us humans.”
“Please don’t blame my subjects. The ponies here are a little… nervous around strangers.”
“Just like my mom. Except when they have candy. And a van,” Caboose stated.
Celestia briefly regarded the man in blue armor again. “I don’t believe I got your name.”
“I am Caboose! Master of vehicles and fire!”
“Right, and I’m Church. Leonard Church.”
For some reason, the Princess’ demeanor changed upon hearing Church’s name. The change before had been subtle, but this one was clear as day. Celestia’s eyes grew bigger and her brow rose into her sparkling ethereal mane. Her mouth drifted open slightly and she looked as if she were suddenly very far away. Church could have sworn she almost looked afraid. The royal pony was so lost in thought that she didn’t even seem to notice the white unicorn pony with the purple lizard approach behind her.
“Ah, there you are Princess!” she spoke in a sophisticated accent as she approached. “Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy have been treated for their injuries and have been discharged from the hospital. Applejack might need to stay overnight while the unicorns treat her burns.”
The Princess was released from whatever thought held her mind and turned to face the newcomer.
“Rarity, your timing is perfect!” Celestia’s horn lit up with a golden glow that enveloped Twilight. The unconscious purple pony was gently lifted from her back and placed on that of the other unicorn. “Can you and Spike take Twilight home, along with Church and Caboose here?”
Rarity eyed the two men in blue armor uneasily for a moment before nodding and adjusting her passenger’s weight on her back.
“Thank you, Rarity. I must return to Canterlot. There are matters I must think on…”
While Church had been telling his story back at the library, a Royal Guard had arrived at the door informing them that the town was secure and the lockdown was lifted. Now, the ponies and Blues were silent (save for the occasional chatter between Fluttershy and Rarity at the back of the group and Rainbow Dash yelling for the others to hurry up at the front) as they walked along the path just outside of Ponyville in the direction of Sweet Apple Acres. Twilight didn’t mind the silence, considering it gave her time to think. And Church’s story gave her a lot to think about.
“So, Twilight. About our agreement…” Church’s voice interrupted Twilight’s thinking session and she turned to look up at the man walking beside her as he continued. “Your friends obviously told me about what happened with Tex after she arrived here…”
Twilight nodded as she remembered what they’d told her about Tex’s apparent disappearance after getting O’Malley out of Pinkie’s head.
“I’ve decided that I still want to see her ship,” Church concluded.
Twilight swallowed. The idea of revisiting the ship that had sent her so far away from her home sat ill at ease with her. She’d agreed to help Church find that ship though, and didn’t intend to go back on that promise now.
“Okay. Any particular reason why?”
Church shrugged. “Well, if what your friends say is true, Tex’s trail went cold after she took out O’Malley. Who knows? Maybe there’s something on the ship I can use to track her down, or at least figure out what she was doing on your world in the first place.”
Twilight nodded. Honestly, it sounded like a long shot. Between the Equestrian research team stripping the ship clean and the subsequent raid by the Meta, there likely wasn’t much left on that ship to work with. Still, if Church wanted to try it was his call.
The group finally reached Sweet Apple Acres and greeted Big Macintosh. The large red pony led them out into the orchard as he pulled along an empty wooden cart, where they found Applejack harvesting apples as was her routine. The farmpony noticeably winced as she gave an apple tree a good hard kick with her hind legs, filling the buckets that had been placed around the tree’s trunk with the red fruit.
“Whoa… your trees’ poop is red!” Caboose exclaimed. “You might want to get that checked…”
Applejack turned with a confused scowl on her orange freckled face at the sound of Caboose’s voice, which immediately turned into a joyous smile at the sight of her lost and found friend.
“Well howdy, Twi!” Applejack briskly trotted over to the group while Big Macintosh began gathering the scattered buckets of harvested apples and loading them into the cart.
“Hi Applejack! I see being attacked by a giant alien hasn’t thrown off your work routine!” Twilight greeted as her friend approached.
At this Applejack looked away briefly. “Well, technically the docs are lettin’ me off tomorrow. They fixed my legs up real good but still think I oughta stay in bed awhile.” Applejack then flashed Twilight an impish grin. “Eh. Eggheads. What do they know, right?”
“Just be sure not to strain yourself, dear!” Rarity dutifully warned.
Applejack didn’t seem to hear as she all of a sudden pulled Twilight into a firm hug. “Good to have ya back, sugarcube. You were always better at the whole ‘leader’ thing than me! ‘Specially with this bunch!”
Twilight thought she heard Church groan as the pair of them continued their display of affection. After giving Twilight one final squeeze, Applejack released her grip. Twilight coughed and checked to make sure no ribs were broken. Applejack hugs were nice, but painful.
“And who exactly are these fellas?” Applejack asked, looking over at Church and Caboose.
“Just some new friends I picked up!” Twilight smiled before introducing Church and Caboose to the farmpony.
“Well, if y’all helped bring Twi back to us, reckon I’m pleased to make yer acquiantence!” Applejack exclaimed, giving the blue soldiers a tip of her stetson. “Enjoyin’ yer stay in Ponyville?”
“Y’know, I honestly thought nothing could ever be as bad as the canyon, but I gotta say you guys have really outdone yourselves with making me feel totally fucking uncomfortable with your creepy touchy-feely shit,” Church grumbled.
At the perplexed stares Twilight’s friends gave her, the unicorn just smiled diplomatically. “Don’t mind Church. He’s just... not as in touch with his emotions as the rest of us!”
The ponies and humans in blue armor carried on more small talk for a bit as Applejack and Big Mac loaded up the cart with buckets of harvested apples. The other ponies pitched in to help the job go faster. Church of course, opted not to help in any way and Caboose made the offer, but only ended up using apples to try to start an impromptu game of hackey-sack. Soon, the group was making their way back to the barn and Twilight decided to get Applejack up to speed on the things she told her other friends, including her plan to go with Church to Dodge City.
“I don’ know, Twi,” Applejack said as the group approached the big red barn of Sweet Apple Acres. “I don’ like the idea of us splittin’ up again. If that… Meta thing attacks again we’re gonna all need to be here to use the Elements!”
Applejack’s ears flicked and pointed straight up. Twilight’s did the same. She thought she heard some distant music or something but ignored it. Maybe now that the lockdown had ended, Ponyville had broken into a spontaneous song to celebrate? It wouldn’t be the first time.
“Church and I shouldn’t be gone long. If the Meta comes back just have Spike send a message to me and we’ll come back immediately,” Twilight reassured.
“Oh hey, I love this song!” Caboose randomly said.
“What song?” Church asked.
“It’s not just the Meta I’m worried about, Twi!” Applejack leaned in closer to Twilight and spoke in a low voice after glancing at Church and Caboose. “At the rate these aliens are appearin’, who knows what else might drop in to cause trouble!”
“Does anypony else hear that?” Rarity’s dignified voice rose up from the back of the group.
“Um, do you mean the music?” Fluttershy asked.
“Music?” Church and Twilight exchanged a knowing look. Both of them heard the whacky, polka music traveling through the air along with what sounded like the high-pitched whine of engines.
“Oh, crap…” the pony and the Blue uttered simultaneously.
“Twilight! Language!” Rarity reprimanded as Rainbow Dash suddenly reared on her hindlegs and pointed at the sky, eyes wide.
“HOLY SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!”
The entire group looked up at the sky where Rainbow Dash was pointing and gasped. A flying metal machine painted with a dark olive green was coming toward them high above. It looked exactly the same as the ship that crashed outside of Dodge City that started this whole mess. As the ship flew overhead, Twilight immediately noticed what appeared to be a jeep identical to the many Warthogs she’d seen during her adventure hanging from the back right under the ship’s “tail.”
The ship passed right over the group’s heads, its loud engines nearly deafening them. As it did, the Warthog dangling from its underside was released and suddenly came plummeting down... right towards Big Macintosh and the cart he was pulling.
“BROTHER! MOVE!” Applejack yelled.
Big Mac was one step ahead of her. The large farmpony had just enough time to unhitch himself from the cart and dive out of the way before the Warthog came crashing down. The ship continued to fly past and out of sight as the Warthog landed on the cart, crushing it along with all of the apples it had been carrying. Twilight thought she might have seen a single tear roll down Applejack’s face at the sight of the crushed fruit, but it might have just been her imagination.
What Twilight saw when she looked back at the Warthog was definitely not her imagination, but it shocked her no less. Three familiar soldiers in red, orange and maroon armor occupied the vehicle.
“You ponies’d better saddle up, because Red Team’s ridin’ to victory!” Sarge exclaimed in his gruff Southern drawl, “Nothin’s gonna stop us now!”