CHAPTER YOU'VE ALREADY STOPPED COUNTING HAVEN'T YOU
"EVERFREE FOOTHILLS (HOOFHILLS? NAH, FOOTHILLS)"
or
"IT'S NOT ACTUALLY THAT DANGEROUS A BUSINESS, STEPPING OUT YOUR DOOR"

Rarity and Applejack stalked along the edge of the Everfree Forest, keeping their wits about them. They had packed their families off on a cart with Big Macintosh and skipped town by the nearest available route, which had, unfortunately, been the opposite direction to the one they wanted to travel. Fearing the packs of still-roving zombies and shadow beasts in the town itself, they'd chosen the rock over the hard place and taken the long way around. Both took it in turns to lead the way, Rarity by the light of her horn, Applejack by virtue of knowing the terrain. Cautious travel was slow, but not as obstructive as either of them had feared, and, thus far, mercifully uninterrupted.

"Ugh, I cannot believe the others simply flew off and left us like that," Rarity moaned.

"We've been walkin' for an hour already and now you start complainin' about that?"

"I simply felt that... now was the time," the fashionista countered, unable to quite rationalize it even to herself. "And my point still stands. That was terribly rude of them, not to mention dangerous."

"They were doin' what they thought they had to," Applejack spat. "Flyin's what they do. They needed to see what was goin' on, so they did. Nopony knew the sky was gonna go dark. Ah just hope they got to safety all right." Anger over the state of her hometown was boiling in her, and with Ponyville still visibly burning in the near distance, it was starting to grind her gears that Rarity was talking so flippantly. She felt as though she should be dragging something heavy along behind her with a rope. Preferably with her teeth.

"Couldn't we have at least stayed with the cart?" the white unicorn grumbled. "I thought there was safety in numbers."

"Nothin' doing," Applejack snapped. "Wherever we go, danger's gonna find us. It's better if we send everypony else on their own way an' try and find Twilight and the others ourselves."

"Really?" Her purple-maned friend raised an eyebrow. "You're comfortable sending your baby sister out into the unknown without you watching over her? That seems out of character for you. Are you certain that's all there was to that decision?"

"She's got Big Mac. Ah'm not that overprotective..." Applejack protested, then sighed. "Honest? Ah just had a feelin'. Whatever's goin' on, it has somethin' to do with us, an' Ah don't want anypony else to be exposed to that if they don't have to. It weren't so much that Ah wanted to send Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle away... it was more like Ah had to."

"More like... a memory. Like we've done this before, all of us. Ever since Twilight brought out that letter, Ah've felt like Ah've just been goin' through the motions, movin' where mah muscles take me. And if we've done this before, and come out safe and sound every other time, why would Ah do things any different this time?"

The purple-maned unicorn chuckled lightly. "No doubt if Twilight were here, she'd have some cute little name for that feeling, as well as an explanation."

"Yeah. But she ain't. Right now, it's just me and you." She stopped in place. "Hard-workin', messy, down-to-earth, level-headed me and frilly, tidy, ambitious, overly-dramatic you, stuck on an adventure together with nopony but each other."

They stared at each other for some long seconds, bordering on glares, before Applejack chuckled lightly. "Sure is a good thing we put aside our differences and learned to appreciate each other years ago."

"Quite," the dressmaker said with a smile. "Why, just imagine the arguments we might have gotten into if we weren't already on good terms! It might have completely distracted from the seriousness of the situation. I'm very glad that we're both mature enough to play off one another's strengths without needing to get into petty arguments or stop every few minutes to discuss how significant our working together is."

"Darn tootin'! With us workin' together, we'll be able to find our way back to our friends in no time, and nothing and nopony is going to get in our way!"

They'd only continued walking for a few more seconds when something got in their way. With a noise like several minutes' worth of rustling bushes condensed into a single motion, a gigantic black bear leaped out from the Everfree and onto the path in front of them, its eyes glowing with the same red maleficence that had possessed the ponies back in town. It roared, spittle flying darkly from its fangs, raising unnaturally sharp claws towards the duo.

"AAIIIIIIIIIII!" the white fashion designer wailed in fear, having a little too much fun with it.

"Don't worry," Applejack said, settling into a fighting stance as the bear neared. "It's just the one. Give me two seconds and Ah'll-"

The bushes rustled a second time, and out burst a manticore, bellowing with a previously unheard-of feral ferocity. The white unicorn with the purple mane shrieked a second time, while Applejack looked decidedly less sure of herself. "Alright, this puts a little bit of a damper on things," she continued, "but with mah rope, and mah hat, and mah best friend by mah side, Ah'm sure we'll still be able to come out of this just f-"

"Double don't look!" the purple-maned unicorn dressmaker yelled as well, shielding her own.

"Right, Ah've seen enough," Applejack said, turning away as a bird with wings that spanned the sky wobbled unsteadily out of the underbrush on skinny yellow legs. "C'mon, Rare. We're leavin'."

"But..." The white and purple fashion unicorn trembled, lifting a hoof unsteadily towards the creatures in front of them. "But what about..."

"Ah reckon that snarlin' lineup ain't moving a muscle for another ten minutes or so. We can make it to the path by then."

"I suppose so. Seems a little anticlimactic, don't you think?" Still, the white unicorn with the purple mane who made dresses put up no resistance as she followed her friend's lead and trotted off into the darkness. A minute later they were out of sight.

---

"It's called déjà vu," Twilight Sparkle explained helpfully. "It's where even though you're experiencing something for the first time, you feel like you've done it-"

"We know what déjà vu is, Twilight!" Rainbow Dash yelled in exasperation. "Everyone knows! We're not four years old, you know!"

"I... I know that," Twilight responded, a little hurt. "I was just explaining it in case anyone who might be listening didn't know what it was."

"Who might be listening?" Dash spread her forelegs wide. "Look around us! Who is there who might be listening right now?"

Grudgingly, Twilight looked around. She, Dash and Fluttershy were on a path well away from Ponyville, rising into the foothills that would eventually lead up into the mountains. They had led a large crowd of ponies out of town to safety with their flight, but were now hanging back to look for stragglers. The last signs of life they'd seen had been Big Macintosh pulling a wagon holding Granny Smith and the Cutie Mark Crusaders, but they had disappeared across the landscape some time ago. There was no one else in sight.

"I get your point," Twilight said to Dash. "And all I'm saying is that if we all felt it, then maybe there's a reason why we ended up being split up like this. Maybe, for some reason we don't yet understand, all this was meant to happen."

"I still don't like it," Dash grumbled. "Nothing with any good on its mind would want to split up the Rainbow Force."

"I just hope Rarity and Applejack are okay," Fluttershy quickly broke in. "We didn't have time to check for them before we left."

The others carried on as if they hadn't heard her. "I'm sure they're fine," Twilight said confidently. "I have a feeling we'd know if they weren't. When those two put their heads together, they... hang on. What was that?"

The three looked back towards Ponyville. They immediately spotted a white earth pony on the path, or at least, the back half of one; as soon as he'd spotted them he'd tried to leap into a bush and had immediately gotten stuck. His hind legs pinwheeled in the air, his rump flashing back and forth. "Hey!" Rainbow Dash gasped, squinting at the raised flank. "That's the creep who tried hitting on me this morning!"

The pair of them looked at each other, each briefly considering leaving him where he was. However, Fluttershy was already walking towards him. She grabbed him gently and untangled him from the branches, leaving Nonagon gasping on the road. "Good afternoon," she said in the calmest voice she could, trying to return some normalcy to the situation. "My name's Fluttershy. Are you all right?"

Nonagon's breathing slowed as he got a good look at her face. "All the better now you're here," he said in a suave tone. "My name is Nonagon, Nonagon the pony. After escaping that nightmare, I'm glad the first pony I came across is one as..." He subtly reached towards her hoof. "...lovely as you..."

"Yeah, save it," Dash butted in, whacking him lightly across the side of the head. "What are you doing here?"

Nonagon scowled under her glare, but quickly composed himself. "Fleeing to Canterlot, same as you," he said. "And that line of questioning had better stop right where it is."

"Have you seen Rarity or Applejack?" Twilight Sparkle asked, hoping that this counted as the beginning of a different line of questioning. "They're a white unicorn with a purple mane and-"

"I know who they are," Nonagon interrupted, "and I haven't seen them. The last ponies I saw were in a cart that passed me twenty minutes ago, and I don't think they were in it. I was one of the last to leave, so if they were coming this way, you or I should have seen them by now." He looked around at the three mares, counting to himself. "Is Pinkie Pie with you?"

Fluttershy and Twilight didn't acknowledge this last part. Rainbow Dash looked suspiciously at both of them, then at Nonagon. "No," she answered. "We haven't seen her. Nopony knows where she is."

"Really?" Nonagon scrunched up his face in thought and looked up towards Canterlot. "Odd," he muttered, apparently to himself. "A parody like this, I thought she'd be all over it..." He shrugged and looked around. "Well, shall we?"

The three others looked at one another hesitantly. "If the others are taking a different route, then we might miss them if we stay here," Fluttershy suggested.

"You're right," Twilight agreed reluctantly. "We'll just have to trust that they'll be able to catch up to us at Canterlot. Besides, the Princesses might need us more." She turned back down the path, running an eye down her new companion's side and irritatedly noting his lack of wings. "And let's keep up the pace. We've got a looooooong walk ahead of us."

"By wings, no," Rainbow Dash said with a glare. "But on land, it takes a whole eleven hours. By train. Mountains are tall."

"It won't be that bad," Twilight added. "Trains are limited by how steep their paths can be. I know some shortcuts, and it won't be so bad if we can catch up with the others. We'll be fine." She started moving, already mentally calculating their route. "Of course, it had to be Rarity who volunteered to bring lunch today..."

With new purpose, the quartet set off, unaware of the hundreds of eyes watching their every move.

Cynical Pone Parody

by Nonagon

Everfree Foothills (Hoofhills? Nah, foothills.)