Return to the Silly.... S*** I MEANT PONYVILLE! :D
Right. Twilight, the first thing you need... Is familiarity. (I'm assuming Spike's still there? If so... Go to him.)
If Spike is not there, tearfully reflect on what you remember of Derpy, before heading out... Perhaps that human... Jason... Knows something about all this. You only hope that he'll accept you, you're embarassed and guilty at the sight of him...
Check up on your friends. That's obvious. Then run to the toilet cause you haven't taken a shit in weeks. Seriously, EVERYONE has major diarrhea at this point. And no one has drunk anything except alcohol and the infrequent coffee. Of course I am excluding those hit by the colon-blow ex machina (shit from machine essentially). But aside from them, their guts be fucked. This goes for the side story characters too. When BRP can walk again, he's off to the washroom.
Well Twilight, you heard how shit just went down, maybe you should get your Raiden costume and sword before anything else happens. You then have to find your friends, and also figure out what that magical barrier is over Ponyville.
Check the hospital for your friends, and when you find Jason you have to get him on your side and show him that you care what happens to him. And don't listen to Sombra being a troll.
Main Story
Now, take out your checklist for things to do when you arrive in Ponyville. Of course, it's triple checked so that it would stay perfect and flawless.
1. Go to the library.
2. Talk to Spike, and turn him to Airplane mode to save energy.
3. Tweet with your friends.
4. Investigate and find out what happened to Ponyville while you were gone via general search engine. (Newspaper Companies should be ashamed of themselves for their amatuer research and information gathering skills. The nerve!)
5. Relax by reading a random book about either cats, an Equestrian historical compilation of epic wins and fails, and documentaries and autobiographies about ponies commentating in a game as they play it.
6. Wonder why you referenced things that are only existant in an entirely different dimension and doesn't exist in yours, thus cue the thought of how you thought of such things in the first place.
7. Research methods of feigning ignorance towards a hallucination/ghost whom you hate.
8. Visit James.
Oh no! You've suddenly lost you checklist! Try not to panic! Bah, screw it, you are Twilight Sparkle, embodiment of the element of magic and Raiden incarnate! You shall do the very thing that you do best: Fiip out and Panic.
As good as it is to finally return to the familiarity that is Ponyville, you really wish it were under better circumstances. No matter how many different ways you try to think about it, being here really doesn't make you feel any better.
You really wish it would, but no matter how you think about it, it doesn't. Lately it seems like nothing makes you happy. Celestia, you're only a few short steps away from declaring that fate, and possibly the universe itself, are going out of their ways to make sure that you are never happy again. Thankfully you aren't there yet.
"Ooooohhhhhhh Twiiiiiiiiilight......." A certain familiar, voice that most certainly isn't Ghost Sombra says to you as you finish that thought.
Yep........ not there yet...........
Okay, this is no time to be depressed or melodramatic. That time was 9 hours ago, and being melodramatic is more Rarity's thing than yours. So, pushing all negative thoughts aside, you start trotting away from the train station back into town as you run through the mental checklist of things you need to do when you arrive in Ponyville, and by that you mean you run through the mental checklist of things you need to do when you arrive in Ponyville and use all of your willpower to try and force your legs to actually start walking because you really don't want to walk into another sad situation right now. Haven't you had enough of those?
'COME ON LEGS MOVE!!!!' you mentally shout at them, which seems to get them going. Okay, now that you are actually walking you REALLY run through that mental checklist of things you need to do when you arrive in Ponyville.
'Okay....' You say inwardly to yourself.
Step 1. Go to the library.
Step 2. Talk to Spike, and turn him to Airplane mode to save energy.
Step 3. Tweet with your friends.
Step 4. Investigate and find out what happened to Ponyville while you were gone via general search engine. (Newspaper Companies should be ashamed of themselves for their amateur research and information gathering skills. The nerve!)
Step 5. Relax by reading a random book about either cats, an Equestrian historical compilation of epic wins and fails, and documentaries and autobiographies about ponies commentating in a game as they play it.
Step 6. Wonder why you referenced things that are only existent in an entirely different dimension and doesn't exist in yours, thus cue the thought of how you thought of such things in the first place.
Step 7. Research methods of feigning ignorance towards a hallucination/ghost whom you hate.
Step 8. Visit James...
Okay, everything seems to be in..... wait...' you suddenly realize as you finish running through that checklist.....
HOW!? How could you have messed that up!? YOU WERE SO CERTAIN!? WHERE DID IT ALL GO WRONG!?
What is an airplane!? What the Tartarus is Twitter!? How do you know how to use it!? What is a general search engine, like google, and how do you know how to use it!? HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT GOOGLE IS!? WHY DO YOU KNOW ALL OF THIS!? AND WHY DO YOU ALSO KNOW THAT ALL OF THESE THINGS ARE ONLY EXISTENT IN AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT DIMENSION THAN YOUR OWN!?
HOW!?
HOW!?
WHO!?
WHY!?
WHY!?
WHY!?
Ghost Sombra, use any witty remark fitting for this situation.
"BECAUSE MY PENIS DEMANDS IT!" Ghost Sombra doesn't shout at you while you were most certainly NOT in the middle of NOT freaking out right there.
"Celestia da-" you try to say, but Ghost Sombra doesn't interrupt you.
"And before you say anything," Ghost Sombra doesn't say in a voice that sounds like he is mocking Rarity but isn't because he isn't there. "Yes, I am indeed a strange pony with strange interests, and prefer to keep this exchange private, or if you can't keep it private, perhaps we can arrange something." At that, he just doesn't smile a that really toothy smile he doesn't have at you.
"Celestia damnit Sombra," you don't say to him.
"Eeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy," he doesn't say to you again.
IN ANY CASE....... Yes............
Why were you saying yes?
OH RIGHT!?
Yes, the first thing you know you gotta do is find your friends. If anypony here can tell you what is going on, its them. You can't trust the news right now, or the royal guard. You're not sure why the news, but the members of the royal guard around the palace have been.............. fishy..... since you've been around, and with this recent incident you'd prefer not to talk to any of them right now.
Though you fear that may not exactly be easy.
But yes, you must ABSOLUTELY find your friends first, and the best way you know to do this right now since you just got back is to go home.... back to the tree library... where you haven't been in what feels like over a year.... and talk to Spike.... whom you haven't talked to in what also feels like over a year...
IN ANY CASE! He'll be able to tell you what's going on, and he'll be able to point you in the direction of your friends. If anypony... or dragon in this case, can tell you anything right now whom you know you can trust more than anypony, it's him.
"What about me? You can totally trust me. I mean I trust me." Ghost Sombra doesn't ask you as if he were aware of the narration.
"He is by the way. He is totally aware of the narration."
"Hi Razor."
"Sup Sombra."
That did not happen. In fact, what narration? There's no narration. Your life isn't being narrated like it's a stupid fanfiction written by a guy who literally makes everything up on the spot... Nope.... definitely not.... nope... nope nope nope...
Also you're not sure why you feel any need to bring this up at all, but you really feel like you need to sit on the toilet for a while. You're not sure why....
Why did you even feel the need to say that?
Ghost Sombra, tell Twilight she needs to collect five cheese wheels, a marble, seven dozen pairs of slippers, a life sized statue of Queen Chrysalis, and a vial of hooker tears. Tell her it's the only way to save Equestria from certain doom, just to see if she'll actually do it.
"You know Twilight," Ghost Sombra doesn't say to you as you keep walking through the streets of Ponyville. All around you you see many familiar faces, and while a few say hi, all of them feel uneasy. You can't blame them though, you can't blame any of them. Also you notice quite a few more guards than normal, and all of them are carrying these long, black, stick like things instead of spears. You have no idea what they are, you've never seen them before. But you don't pay attention to any of that though, because Ghost Sombra definitely isn't speaking to you. "I hate you bring this up now, but I actually know how to defeat Nyarlathotep." Nope.... definitely not speaking to you. "Come on it's easy. All we need is five cheese wheels, any cheese will do, a marble, seven dozen pairs of slippers, a life sized statue of Queen Chrysalis, and a vial of hooker tears. It's the only way to save Equestria from certain doom."
"Okay that's it!" you don't shout at Ghost Sombra, who is obviously not speaking to you as you don't stop walking, turn around, look right at him, and point directly at him with your right hoof. You definitely DO NOT do ANY OF THAT! "I've had enough of this Sombra. You're not even real. You're just a product of my imagination. A very annoying, very obnoxious product of my imagination that I can't seem to get rid of NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY, but nonetheless, a product of my imagination. So please, for my sake, and for the sake of everypony. Will you PLEASE STOP TALKING!!!" A few ponies don't stop and don't look at you as you do that because you definitely did not shout at anypony right there. So they obviously aren't staring at you like you're crazy. Nope..... they aren't doing that.
Ghost S use your ability to haunt Twilight to convince her that you are real, if that fails annoy the shit out of her and wait for her and Morgan to be alone together then suck it up, be a ghost stallion and posses her. Using her body explain to Morgan the fucked up situation you all are in. If you can't suck it up for that long just annoy her until she says your name in her friends' and Morgan's presence hopefully causing her to explain that she thinks she is hallucinating about you and Morgan will use his Latin powers to see you with 'See Spirit' or something or causing her to be thought insane and locked in a madhouse. 
"Oh come on, Twilight, I'm real," Ghost Sombra doesn't say to you. "I've always been real. I told you already, I'm the disembodied spirit of Sombra who was severed from his body after Nyarlathotep found it and put it back together to do his evil bidding... Did I forget to mention that it was Nyarlathotep that did that to me, well it was. But yes, I'm very real Twilight. If I weren't real you would have gotten rid of me by now, and come on, really, you definitely would have gotten rid of me when you stopped being crazy.... Or did you stop being crazy.... I'm still not entirely clear on that." This is getting ridiculous. "Look, the point is, I'm real and there's nothing you can do about it, but hey, come on, it's not all that bad." As he says that he doesn't fly right up next to your face and nuzzle against it. Nope. "I'm on your side here. I wanna see Nyarlathotep defeated too. Tartarus why stop there, I wanna see him experience an eternity of pain, suffering and misery for what he did to me. So yeah, I'm on your side. I wanna help you, and if you'll just let me help you I will. The things I know, I can really be useful to you if you let me engage in jolly cooperation with you."
"All right, assuming I choose to believe ANYTHING you've just told me," you don't say to the definitely not there Ghost of Sombra. "If that is true, then WHY DO YOU KEEP ANNOYING ME!?"
Sombra, this story is kinda going grimdark as all fuck, liven up the mood. Tell Twilight to put back on her Raiden outfit, remember the good times with that? Tell her to get some flowers or something to bring to the hospital. If you see Roseluck tell Twilight how evil she is, even though she won't listen. Then express how you were upset that you missed a bigass brawl. When you get to the hospital, try to convince Twilight to give in to her desires since Jason can't move at the moment, just to fuck with her head. Tell her that maybe kissing him will make him wake up or something, she might be desperate enough to try it.
"BECAUSE I'M BORED!!!!" Ghost Sombra definitely doesn't shout back to you when he's so close to your face that you can see every pointy tooth in his mouth. "And because this story is getting grimdark as f***, I'm trying to liven up the mood a little here."
"What?" you don't say to him.
"Nothing!" he quickly doesn't respond to you so quickly you didn't hear it. "But yes, as I was saying, I'm bored. You don't ever talk to me or acknowledge that I exist and as much as I don't like it I'm kind of stuck to you so I can't really go anywhere or find a more interesting pony. So I annoy you because its the only thing I can do that'll get me a response from you. I mean COME ON! I'm a ghost! I can't do anything. I can't even clop." Okay you definitely aren't hearing this. "You ever try clopping with ghost hooves!? NOTHING! IT SUCKS! If I could possess your body and use it to clop I would!" Okay more than usual you definitely are going to pretend you didn't hear that. "So yeah, that's why I annoy you....." You... didn't even think about that... You almost "Oh, and also because it's fun." And there it isn't. "And because its fun, can't forget about that." And that, he doesn't give you another toothy smile.
"OKAY THAT IS IT!" You don't shout to the definitely nonexistent Ghost Sombra. "The minute we get home I'm-"
"Right, stop that!" you suddenly hear a very British sounding voice yell. The minuscule second you hear it, your feel your eyes shrink down to the size of fleas and immediately turn around to see..... a lightish brown earth pony with a mustache wearing some kind of olive green army officer's uniform. He didn't look like a royal guard. "It's silly."
"Um..... Uh....." is all you can say to him. This is it... this is the end... he definitely saw you. YOUR LIFE IS OVER! "Uh..... Uh..... Uh....."
"I am terribly sorry Ma'am, but I would just like to point out that this story is now displaying a tendency to become silly," he says to you in a very, very British voice. Exactly what he said takes a minute to register in your brain.
"What?" you say, confused.
"Now, nopony likes a good laugh more than I do... except, perhaps my wife... and some of her friends," the strange, British pony continues.
"Is this guy for real?" The ghost of Sombra doesn't ask, seeming just as confused as you are, which is rare now that you don't think about it.
"Oh, yes, and Captain Johnson," the British pony continues. "Come to think of it, most people like a good laugh more than I do, but that's beside the point! I'm warning you, and I'm warning this story NOT to get SILLY again! Is that understood?"
"Um...." you say again, still confused. "I'm sorry, but um... who are you?" You can't help but ask.
"I am Sergeant Major Chapman, but you may call me The Colonel," he says. Already this pony is confusion you. "I am with the regiment of ponies stationed in Ponyville, now that Ponyville is under martial law, and it is my job to make sure that absolutely NOTHING silly happens in this town. Not while I am here. Now..." he says, now bearing his full attention on you. It's.... kind of intimidating. "I know who you are, Ms. Sparkle, and I saw you get off the train, so I understand, that you do not know what is going on here. So I am giving you a fair warning."
"You have got to be s***ing me, really," Ghost Sombra doesn't say.
"Do not say, do, or even think, of anything that will become silly. Not while I am here," he says with authority. He doesn't seem like he is joking. Okay, you need to clarify this.
"But I wasn't being silly," you say to him. "I was just telling somepony to leave me alone." At this, he raises an eyebrow. "I was telling the ghost of King Sombra that's been-"
"Right, stop that!" The colonel... sergeant major.... whatever his rank is... pony, says before you can even finish with absolute authority. "It's silly."
"Wow, this guy is for real isn't he?" Sombra doesn't say while both you and he just stare at this strange pony as he gives you what you can only assume is the evil eye. Suddenly, something sparks in your head, and you remember kind of important.
"Wait?" you say to him. "What was that you said about Ponyville being under martial-"
A guy called The Beej shows up. Perhaps shooting Nazis. Probably not, though.
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" Before you can even finish that sentence, the three...... two, of you suddenly hear another rather manly scream and you look down the street to see a pony with chocolate box hair and a face like a bear, and a jacket he picked up on Ebay, suddenly leap out from behind one of the buildings down the road with a member of the royal guard as he tries to wrestle that weird, black stick like thing from his hooves.
After a few seconds of wrestling with the gun the chocolate box maned pony punches the guard in the face and knocks him clean out.
"YOU'LL TAKE MY LIFE BUT I'LL TAKE YOURS TOO!!!" he shouts as he then suddenly picks up the stick. "YOU'LL FIRE YOUR MUSKET BUT I'LL RUN YOU THROUGH!!!" He then runs forward and starts firing something from the end of the stick like there is some kind of active resistance in need of assistance in this town where some serious s***s going down and you can almost-
"HEY YOU! STOP THAT!!!" The colonel pony shouts before you can even finish that thought as he runs after that chocolate box maned pony. "THAT'S SILLY!!!!!"
Both you and Ghost.... sorry, just you, stare off at him as he run off, leaving you more confused than you've honestly ever been in a long while. After a few moments though, when nothing else happens, you take a deep breath and calm yourself.
"Well...." you say to nopony in particular. "I'm sure we'll never see him again."
"Why'd you just say that?" Ghost Sombra doesn't say to you with a shrug. "Now we'll see him like 20 more times you idiot."
"Gah, you're right aren't you?" You don't reply to the nonexistant Sombra.
"Uh, when am I not?" Ghost Sombra doesn't say with a smile.
"Most of the time," you don't reply to him as you start walking back to your house again.
"Oh yeah...." he doesn't reply. "Hehehe...."
Twilight! Find Morgan! He's your responsibility! YOU brought him here! YOU should be making sure he's A-OK!
Sombra, you now want to call Morgan captain…
Twilight: Go see your friends so they can explain to you what happened and lose your mind trying to comprehend how a human with no magic has the power of a demigod.
Ghost Sombra: Suddenly have an urge to sing the The Stars Nearest To Me song while you jump in Twilight 's back.
After a brief moment of silence between the two of you, Ghost Sombra doesn't speak again.
"You know Twilight," he doesn't begin. "After you find your friends, you should probably find that human..... what was his name again? Did he even tell us his name.... does he even have a name?"
"Yes," you don't reply to him. "It's Jason remember.... Jason Morgan."
"Oh yeah...." he seems to remember as he doesn't speak to you. "Captain Morgan... Hehehe..."
"He's not a captain," you don't say back to him. "He's not in the guard. He doesn't even know how to fight."
"So?" Ghost Sombra doesn't reply back to you. "He's a captain now. Captain Morgan. Has a nice rrrrrrrrring to it. And how do you know he doesn't know how to fight? You've never seen him."
"Celestia damnit, Sombra," you don't say to him.
"Eeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyy," Ghost Sombra doesn't reply as he drops down onto your back and leans back against your head. "Proxima Centauri's the nearest star. The celestial bodies that follow are: Alpha Centauri A, Toli, Barnard's Star-"
"What are you doing?" You don't ask him.
"Singing The Stars that are Nearest to Me?" He doesn't respond to you with a smile as he leans over your head and gets... a little too close to your ear. All you can do at that is let out a rather loud, rather disgruntled sigh. Rarity would say that such a sound is unbecoming of you.
"Whatever," you don't say to him. You don't care anymore.
"Great," Ghost Sombra replies as he leans back against your head again. "Wolf 359, Lalande 21185, Sirius A, Sirius B, BL Ceti, UV Ceti-"
-Eventually you arrive back at your house-
"Those are the stars that are nearest to me. Tra-la-la and fiddle-dee-dee!" Ghost Sombra FINALLY stops singing, which he actually didn't do because he wasn't singing, right as you reach your library/home.
It.... actually fills you with a sense of relief and a bit of joy to see it again. Here you were all depressed because of what happened, and seeing your house, just being back homes makes you-
n that case, let's get to it: Ghost Sombra, pretend you're a goat. A ghost goat. A goast. A ZOMBIE GOAST in front of a house. Twilight, try and make him leave this place.
"Hey Twiiiiiiliiiiiiiiiiiight-" Ghost Sombra doesn't say.
"And there it goes," you can't help but say.
"Look at me Twilight, look at me...." Ghost Sombra says as he floats around the house, or more specifically in front of your vision since he apparently can't get that far away from you. "Look at me..... I'm a zombie ghost....... A zombie ghost in front of a house.... lllllleave this place...."
"Celestia damnit Sombra," you don't say back to him as you don't put a hoof to your forehead. This seriously isn't going to give you a headache eventually.
"What?" Ghost Sombra replies as he stops doing that. "It's not like that colonel pony's gonna come back again. I mean, here showed up last time for you, since you're 'REAL' remember. I'm just a ghost..... a ZOMBIE GHOST.... IN FRONT OF A-"
"RIGHT! STOP THAT!" You suddenly hear as both you and Sombra look to your right to see the colonel pony back again. "It's silly." At that, he just gives you the evil eye for a moment before walking away. Presumably to other business. Ghost Sombra, oddly enough, looks stunned.
"Did he....." he doesn't try to say. "Did he just..."
"Yes," you don't say to him as you can't help but crack a smile and walk up to your house. You're not sue why, but that made you feel better. It really did. Ghost Sombra just looks between you and where the colonel was, getting even more confused the more he looked between the two.
As you walk to your front door, the front door that you haven't seen in what feels like over a year, you feel more and more a sense of great relief, like you're about to get something you've wanted since this whole thing started. More and more, a smile grows across your face as you reach the door, then, you put your right hoof on the door, and push it open.
Inside, you see the library, nice, clean, and untouched, as it should be, and Spike is standing right there in front of one of the book shelves directly across from you about to climb a ladder so that he could reach one of the top shelves.
The minute you opened the door, he stops in his tracks, turns around, and you watch his eyes go wide when he sees you.
"Twi..... Twi..." he begins to say. You cannot contain yourself.
"SPIKE!!!!" You shout as you run right through the door, past everything in the library, not even caring about that chair you just knocked over, right up to Spike and then throw your hooves around him as embrace him in a big, pony hug. "Oh Spike!" You can't help but shout as you squeeze him like his life depended on it. "I'm so glad you're all right. I'm... I'm.... I'm just so happy to see you again..." At that, you feel a tear roll down your eye. In your hooves, Spike doesn't move around for a moment, but then, after a few moments, you feel his tiny little claws wrap around you too, returning the hug.
You are so glad to be back.
-One really long hug later-
Eventually, the two of you let go of each other and take a step back away from each other. Spike looks so happy to see you.
You are home now, and you've found Spike.
What do you do now?
What do you do?
-The Starship, Enterprise-
Captain Kirk's private quarters
*Captain Kirk just looks up at this stranger to him who is Bronze Statue for a few moments, incredibly confused before he gets back up. Slim, Jim, and Registered Anonymous just ignore him.*
Kirk: I'm sorry but... who are you?
Bronze Statue: Wha- Oh, right, we've never officially met have we. *holds out hand* Name's Bronze Statue, I'm part of RA's hacker crew, how you doing?
*Kirk looks at Bronze Statue's hand for a few minutes, confused. In the end, he doesn't take it.*
Kirk: Okay... and why do you need Mr. Freebrony's suit?
BS: Because we said we would get it for him.
Registered Anonymous: It's true. Ask him if you don't believe us.
BS: Yeah, don't do that. But yeah, we need his suit and we were told you would know where it was.
*Kirk looks at them, still confused for a moment, but then he takes a deep breath and calms his head.*
Kirk: Yes, I do know where his suit is.
BS: Great, so tell us where it is so we ca-
Kirk: I said that I knew where it was, not that I'd tell you.
BS: Why not?
Kirk: Because even if I was inclined to tell you, you still haven't answered part of my question.
Slim: You know, we're still-
BS: Yeah, yeah, we know, we haven't forgotten.
Kirk: Why does Mr. Freebrony need his suit?
BS: Well with all the s*** that's been going down recently we figure that he kinds of needs it.
*Suddenly, a red shirt runs into the room.*
Red shirt: Sir! Transmission from the da- *suddenly stops dead in his tracks as he sees Slim and Jim in the captain's bed.*
*Suddenly, immediately after that happens, a familiar beeping noise hit's Kirk's ears as he reaches for his communicator, but he isn't there, as he put it away after he got back on board the ship. After a moment, Bronze Statue reaches for his belt and pulls out a communicator, the EXACT same kind that the crew of the Enterprise use.*
BS: *into communicator* Bronze here.
Com: This is Steve. We just got a call from the Daleks. They're letting us back on board.
BS: Great. I'll join you guys eventually. I got something I gotta take care of here, then I'll be right with you.
Steve: Great. Is RA with you?
BS: Yeah, he's here.
RA: HEY STEVE!!!
Steve: Yeah, I hear him. Now, do you have any idea where Slim and Jim are? I can't reach them.
*At that, BS turns back to look at both Slim and Jim, who just give him the evil eye in response.*
BS: Yeah they know, trust me. So don't worry about them.
Steve: Wait, you know where they-
BS: Trust me Steve, its best that you don't bother them. I'll be with you guys eventually, just let me finish up what I'm doing here. *puts his communicator away.*
Kirk: Is that our-
BS: What, this? *Pulls communicator back out.* Yeah, yeah it is. None of you guys were using em so we figured, why the f*** not.
*Kirk is... mildly annoyed by this, since apparently all of the hackers took Enterprise equipment without asking, but he puts it aside for now, as he looks past BS to see the red shirt still standing there, still ogling Slim and Jim. After a loud groan, he walks past BS over to the red shirt.*
Kirk: What is it you wanted to tell me?
RS: What? Oh right. Transmission from the Dalek fleet. Their leader wishes to speak with you.
Kirk: Great.
*At that, Kirk and the red shirt walk out of Kirk's room. Right as the door opens though, BS stops them.*
BS: Wait, what about-
Kirk: His suit is locked away in the cargo hold. Talk to Scotty, he can get it for you. I don't care what you do with it, just don't touch anything else.
BS: Oh.... Okay, thanks.
Kirk: And I want those back!
*At that, both Kirk and the Red Shirt leave the room, leaving BS and RA with Slim and Jim.*
BS: I guess we're going to find Scotty then.
RA: YAY!!!!
*Both of them leave the room too... leaving both Slim and Jim alone again. The two of them look at the door for a moment, then at each other. Within moments, both of them are smiling.... very sultry smiles at each other, and then Slim tackles Jim back down to the bed again. *
The Appaloosa Intelligence Agency
Side Story.
*Appaloosa Inteligence Agency HQ*
(Grey Rebl and Secretary rushed down a hall as they conversed on their next move)
Grey Rebl: I'm going outside.
Secretary: Are you sure?
GR: You know me well enough that I don't like sitting in one place. By now you'd alse figure out that I use the "Don't trust written reports" as an excuse to walk around. I'd rather not let innocents get hurt up there while I sit on my rump all day waiting for the enemy to come in. I'm sure.
S: I see. What about the facility? The ponies are going to be restless.
GR: I'd love to defend our position, but it's unlikely that I will be needed for it. We have the weaponry, security, numbers, and the HQ is well hidden. We have operatives on the job and intructing every pony else on what to do. It's drilled into their heads in case some thing happens. Besides, they have you here. The chain of command will be maintained. The facility is fine as is. Doesn't mean I want any pony to be careless though.
S: Director, being on the front lines isn't very... traditional.
GR: Hey, I'm not a grand mastermind or chess player like the other agencies. I'm blunt, and I like blunt. Saves times.
S: You're not invincible, Director. You'll only get yourself killed.
GR: *Sigh* I know. But I know I used to be when I'm with some pony else. I wasn't alone at the time. *Smiles* And neither now. We still have our allies up in the skies.
S: They are still recovering from recent damages. Should we really call for them now?
GR: It doesn't hurt to ask. Just try and talk to them when I go.
S: What can we do while you're gone?
GR: All I can say is keep the place locked tight, ready anypony who can use a weapon, and after I leave, no pony goes in or out until this is sorted over. We'll communicate through the radio. Everything else, it's all up to you.
S: I still don't like this, sir. This is unheard of! The odds here aren't in our favor, especially against a foreign threat.
GR: Secretary, do you know me? I'm a former CIA Operative, trained and conditioned; I live for these odds. I've learned this through experience: No matter how impossible, there's always a way out. Trust me, believe me.
S: *sigh* I wonder if you have a God-Complexion.
GR: I don't even show the signs.
(They arrive by a door)
GR: If you excuse me, I'm going to go gear up.
S: Sir, If you suddenly die of unknown means, everypony is going to be mad.
GR: Noted.
S: If you live, be prepared for the next batch of MONSTROUS amounts of paperwork. that had been growing ever since
GR: Err... Also noted.
As is
"HA! We haven't seen one of those in a while have we? :D"
Sweet Apple Acres
*Apple Farm In Ponyville.*
(It had been a whole day or two after that talk, and Applejack still haven't said anything. Until, when it was after breakfast, after AppleBloom went back to school, she suddenly asked)
AJ: Can this... Ability help mah friends?
(Little Strongheart, BraeBurn, Granny Smith, and Big Mac were a little slow to respong but Granny Smith finally reply with a nod.)
GS: Yes.
AJ: Ah've beem thinkin it over for about a day now... And Ah've finally decided: AH want ya'll to teach me.
BB: AJ?
AJ: For the past month, it's been crazy. James appearing, talkin' to Twi over her issues, but then one of mah friends were attacked in the orchards when the CMC went lumberjackin' with him. In OUR orchards! Right in our property! And Ah can't do any thing about it! Then this riot happened, Derpy got... e-executed. I pummeled them a lot of them guards good, but ah feel ah didn't do enough. If ah have somethin' in me that can help do better, ah'd do what ah can, whatever it takes ta help my friends! So please, can you teach me?
(The rest of the apple family could only smile.)
Again, as is.
"Don't get used to this side story authors."
"Oh, and quick author's note to Grey Rebl. If you insist on doing some kind of Applejack training montage, then I am going to have to insist that you set it to this song. There is an in story reason for this and it will be explained later. So yeah, trust me on this. This is only for if you actually are planning on doing some kind of montage with Applejack. If not, then ignore this author's note."
The Brown Dog waits until Zant is done singing he then starts clapping…with paws…somehow.
BD: Nice, did you just come up with that now?
Zant: Oh no I’ve been waiting to use that one forever
BD: Well I was busy I had to troll some folks, but it’s all good now.
Zant: Well that’s good, would you like some tea?
BD: Nah
Zant: Fluffy! Get some tea for our guest (talking to the invisible air next to him) NO! The iced tea, what do you think we are British? (Looks back to Brown Dog) sorry Fluffy can be a real scatter brain for a Magical Winged Fire Breathing Panda.
BD: I bet, so anyway Zant, care to explain why you framed me?
Zant: Framed you? Whatever do you mean?
BD: Cut the shit Zant, you fucked up a statue in Night Vale and told everyone that I did it.
Zant: What? I did nothing of the sort?
BD: Oh really? You didn’t smear a golden statue with animal blood and dance around it?
Zant: Oh no, I did do that, it was fantastic! But I didn’t blame anything on you.
BD: Then why was there a news report about most of my crimes being broadcast with this little gem being in the middle of it?
Zant: I really couldn’t tell you, all I know is that I went to Night Vale looking for you but every time I asked someone where you were, they just started plugging their ears and singing.
BD: Yeah, you get used to that, and why were you looking for me?
Zant: I had a gift for you, but I found that it was such a lovely town and the people there were so crazy…like me, so I felt like I had finally found a place where I belong. So I went to the city council and asked to join them.
BD: And how’d that go?
Zant: THEY REJECTED ME!!! They said that they may be a town full of supernatural murderous monsters, but that I was just too weird to join them! This is just like when I tried to join the Church of Scientology!
BD: Damn, tough break
Zant: You’re damn right it was. So what if I felt like making a cat smoothie? I felt so alone and betrayed that I sought to bring the only friend I have ever known into the physical world so that everyone could see him. But it failed. I blame Puff the Magic Dragon, him and his stupid sweet tainted blood.
BD: So you tried to bring Fluffy to life by creating a blood pact ritual on Cecil’s statue?
Zant: Well from what you went on and on about he sounded like the man with the most power, so yes. And also my 37 split personalities thought it would be a good idea to draw pretty colorful butterflies on it as well. Also, Fluffy is Alive! I just seem to be the only one who can see him!
BD: Ok, ok…then how the hell was I blamed for this?
Zant: I don’t know, the Sheriff’s secret police tried to arrest me for unlawful blood ritual on a Tuesday, even though it was a Monday, so I ran away while singing the Canadian National Anthem.
BD: So because you were asking for me, they thought you were doing my bidding then?
Zant: Yes that seems to be the sum of everything.
BD: Huh…well damn
Zant: What?
BD: I was kind of hoping that you had done this on purpose so I could have tortured you.
Zant: Oh well, you win some, you lose some. What were you planning on doing?
BD: Well I brought this (Pulls out box of Saran Wrap) and I was gonna pull it all out and not use any of it.
Zant: Oh you Monster! It would’ve been all over the floor!
BD: I know right?
Zant: If you had done that, I would’ve sung like a canary.
BD: About what?
Zant: Everything, like where I keep my cookie jar, how to find Waldo, the key to my treasure room that I hid in the remains of Amelia Earhart, you name it.
BD: (Sighs)…man that would’ve been something…
Zant: Yes…yes it would...(sigh)
A MOMENT OF SILENCE FOR WHAT COULD’VE BEEN
BD: Anyway, now that that’s all cleared up, what was it you wanted to give me?
Zant: Oh right, well I was sitting under a tree made of cotton candy steak the other day and I thought about how I should get you a present for making sure Midna didn’t kill me and giving me this wonderful home
BD: Ya, this place is why I don’t do LSD anymore…or as often.
Zant: So there I sat thinking about what to get you. I thought of the usual gifts, skull thrones, Mortar Launchers, Peanut Brittle, Cersei Lannister’s Left Nipple, when it finally came to me.
BD: Well I hope it was more imaginative, I already have three of the other four things, and not the ones you would expect.
Zant: Oh indeed it is special, nygaaahhhh
Zant presses a button on his huge freaking chair and a disco ball descends from the ceiling while Staying Alive starts Playing. Out of a doorway comes 50 Ostriches on Roller Skates who gather under the ball and start dancing
BD: Are…are those…
Zant: Disco Dancing Ostriches? Yes. Nyghahahahaha.
A single tear rolls down the Brown Dog’s cheek
BD: It’s…It’s beautiful Zant (emotionally moved)
Zant: Thank you, I knew you would love it. There are so many practical uses Disco Ostriches can provide. And the attempted eye pecking isn’t as persistent as you may think.
BD: Thanks Zant (Waves Paw and the Ostriches disappear.)
Zant: Where did you send them?
BD: Oh just somewhere to entertain a few “guests of mine”
Zant: You should send them into that My Little Pony Fan Fiction I’ve seen you in
BD: Oh you’ve been reading Razor’s story?
Zant: Yes…It started out funny but then got really dark and depressing. I think one of the Leprechaun’s in my nostrils died from the grim darkness of it all.
BD: Well that’s what happens when a wannabe dark god derails a campaign.
Zant: Yes, I know that from experience. Oh how I wish I could go to Equestria. All the fluffy little ponies running around having picnics, throwing parties, and stopping monsters from hell itself. Oh how Wonderful that place would be.
BD: Zant, please feel free to take this the wrong way, but I cringe at the thought of you in any Equestria.
Zant: I figured as much
BD: Which is exactly why I will send you to one!
Zant: What really? You mean it?
BD: Hell ya, the Razor community could use some comedy, assuming they read someone else’s story
Zant: Oh fantastic, FLUFFY!!! Get your bags packed, we’re going to a land full of magical horses! Oh I can taste the blood now.
BD: No need, I’ll uh…send him and your stuff there
Zant: Oh thank you Brown Dog, I’ll always remember you
BD: No you won’t (Snaps fingers somehow and he disappears)
BD: Hopefully Ken won’t mind, and even if he doesn’t who cares (Smiles)
The Brown Dog then sits on the Giant Freaking Chair when all of a sudden Cortana comes back online
BD: Oh hey, have a good sleep?
Cortana: Shut up…where are we?
BD: Somewhere in the bowels of insanity that only the dark god Willy Wonka could imagine
Cortana:… Okay…what did I miss?
BD: Not much, just that I solved the crime of the century harassed countless innocents and earned the power of funk. I'll write a letter to Cecil tomorrow, debt collectors may still be lurking.
Cortana: No fires?
BD: Noooo…
Cortana raises an eyebrow
BD: OK two…six…a baker’s dozen at most
Cortana: Do you even know how much that is?
BD: By my count…48.
Cortana: Sigh…
BD: Well I don’t know about you but I think it’s time for bed
Cortana: But I just…(click)
BD: heh heh heh (walks into Zant’s bedroom, which is surprisingly normal)
BD: Tomorrow begins my quest anew of trolling (Goes to sleep)
Meanwhile In the Brown Dog’s Secret Prison
Michael Bay is speaking through his cell to Lieutenant Caine while George Lucas keeps watching Game of Thrones.
MB: And sometimes he actually lets me have Jello that isn’t the nasty yellow flavor.
Caine: That’s…nice, but that still doesn’t explain why I’m here.
MB: Well you obviously were sent here for your crimes against the Brown Dog right?
Caine: I suppose, (puts on broken sunglasses) he didn’t find my jokes punny
(Silence)
Caine: Huh, usually there’s an obnoxious scream by now
MB: You’re in the Brown Dog’s house now man, nothing happens here that he doesn’t want.
Caine: Damn. Why are you here?
MB: (his voice goes hollow and robotic) because I am a horrible director that deserves to be violated by the metallic dick of Megatron…(voice normal) sorry, the mental conditioning does that to you.
Caine: Yeesh
MB: Ya, it’s not so bad, I get three square meals, my own couch, and all the coloring books and basic cable I could want.
Caine: Well how come he gets the premium channels? (Points to Lucas)
GL: Because unlike Michael I have made good movies, and the Brown Dog still has some respect for me. He just wants to keep me from “Going more rabid than I already have.” Not that I’m complaining, I don’t have to deal with nerds here
Caine: Don’t you guys ever try to get out?
GL: Nah, the only thing we have to deal with is the occasional fish slap in the face by him, otherwise it’s cool.
MB: Ya, others have come and gone, and we got it lucky
GL: You don’t even want to know what he did to Uwe Boll.
Caine: Huh…well how often does he come by?
MB: It’s random
GL: Ya, we usually only see the warden. He’s the one who feeds us.
Caine: And who is that?
A door opens and in walks a pale faced man with long black greasy hair and a tuxedo
Tommy Wiseau: Oh Hai prisoners, Wus new wit you?
MB: Not much Tommy, we got a new prisoner today
TW: Ha ha, dat’s very interesting, anyway I got to go now. The Brown Dog though, he sent these. Bye.
The Disco Ostriches roll in and start dancing for the prisoners
George Lucas turns the volume up on his TV while Michael Bay claps his hand like a kid, even as some of them peck at his face.
Caine: …I got nothing.
Meanwhile in the Snowflame Equestria
Zant appears in Canterlot as a unicorn
Zant: Oh my Ganon! Fluffy! We’re finally here
Fluffy: …
Zant: Yes I know, it is exciting, oh look a bunch of somber looking ponies
A bunch of Unicorns are attending a funeral
Zant: Oh I know just what will cheer them up, a puppet show!
Zant then proceeds to use the dead pony as a ventriloquist dummy shocking the others in attendance. What happens next? Read the damn story and find out.
