"Shut up."
"Come on just tell me." I snickered, following behind Luna and "Joel" through the corridor.
"Bro, this isn't funny."
"It can't be that bad to have a pussy, dude- oh my god." A thought had just struck me. "You... can have... multiple orgasms now."
I could visibly see his head stiffen up as his left eye gave a subtle twitch.
"Don't even mention the fact that I have a pussy... I don't care if I can have a hundred orgasms, I just want things to be normal." He then turned around, stopping Luna and I. "Also, how the fuck are you unscathed?! WAS THIS YOUR IDEA?!"
Suddenly, he (she) jumped on me, screaming with his newfound feminine vocal power as he shook my head violently.
So it's true. Being a girl makes you violent and irrational. Huh.
I'm kidding.
"Joel! Got off him at once! Remember, this is all Discord's shenanigans!" Luna levitated him off; the fuchsia red mare once-a-human-man still flailing intensely with his eyes closed. I don't see why Luna had to intervene, did she not see my tear filled eyes as I truly laughed my ass off? Eventually, Joel gave up his fit, taking a very deep breath.
"You can... put me down now." He looked sheepishly at Luna. She did as told, simply returning a small grin to ease any stress.
"It's alright, Joel. My sister taught me something that truly helps me in my times of low. Sometimes, all we need is a hug." A smile from ear to ear formed on her face, and she quickly drew him in for a bear hug. He didn't seem to mind, in fact, as hard as it may seem to see this through his coat... I saw some blush.
Giggle giggle.
The moment his eyes averted over to my direction, I immediately gave him a hearty grin. Though, it was a very rare grin of mine; one I've only used once or twice before. Oh, but man when I do it... results are beautiful. I instantly saw his face contort to that of when one sees a ghost.
I simply nodded, grin still being held.
POV: 3rd person
...Meanwhile...
There was Discord, sitting casually on Celestia's throne; absolutely happy with how things were going. Celestia was sitting there, hoof in face as she held her eyes shut. She was in a stalemate. Again. It was always at the last moment when she would forget that Discord wasn't truly an idiot. The draconequus was a very clever one, a fact that easily went over many pony's heads from the raw immaturity he presented in many ways. The guards stood there confused, until one of them decided to speak up.
"Your highness, do we call in the elements?"
She sighed.
"No... no, it's alright. Leave everypony, please."
They all looked at each other; equally perplexed until they remembered they were given an order by the princess. As they all quickly trotted out, Celestia finally lifted her hoof from her face, slowly looking up towards Discord. His grin formed into a large, cheeky smile.
"Genius, am I not?"
"Clever... but not a genius. There's a difference." Celestia tried her best to retort without digging her own grave any deeper.
"Oh, hush whatever." Discord waved a paw, "Point is, I won, now I make the rules."
As he made his little victory speech...
Celestia suddenly had a metaphorical lightbulb shining above her head.
"Mhm." Celestia simply hummed, though now less irritated. Discord stroked his beard, a bit lost on something.
"...Are you not going to, I don't know, try to blast me through your roof?" He cocked an eyebrow.
"No. Not at all." She seemed to be getting calmer by the second.
"Huh..." He almost pouted. "Well, I'm going to raid your kitchen now, steal all your desserts."
"That's nice." She turned around heading towards the large doors of her court room, trying her best not to grin.
"H-hey, where are you going?" He held out his paw, floating over to her.
"Somewhere." She replied with a calm tone now, "Have fun, Discord!" She said in a sing-song voice, now completely smiling. Discord's eyes widened, a dumbfounded expression riddled allover his face. She shut the large doors behind her, leaving the draconequus alone.
"...What." He mumbled, clearly confused. Discord started slowly fiddling with is thumbs, floating back to the throne.
A small spark of paranoia just lit up in his head.
"And so as always, Discord has left us with a question to solve. Well, more like a scavenger hunt." Luna finished, wanting to smack her hoof against her face. The two simply stared at her in disbelief, the ambiance of the royal garden's birds and wind filling in the small silence.
"How do you put up with that?" Joel spoke, taking the words right out of his best friend's mouth.
"Well... you know what, I'm not even sure-"
"Vallis!" A new voice called. Everyone looked towards the source; Sunny trotting with a big smile as she waved.
"...So, I thought you said she and Celestia were missing?" Chris mumbled to Luna as he smiled back, waving.
"I'm just as lost as you are." Luna's jaw hung slightly.
"Luna, Joel! Hi!" Sunny practically sang.
"Hi?-" They said in unison with the same confused tone.
"Before anyone asks questions, cousin Celestia told me everything. Discord launched a clever plan to spread chaos once more, but Celestia quickly backfired with her own plan. She's been blackmailed and told to stand off by him, though sent me to aid you guys to cure Joel from his spell as she messaged the element of kindness to pull some strings for her before Discord gets out of hand. This is going to be a piece of cake." She then brought her hearty grin back. "Any other questions?"
Everyone simply stared at one another.
"That was very fast for Celestia." Luna cocked an eyebrow.
"Woo! Go Celestia!" Chris pumped a hoof as he reached over to Joel for a hoofbump. He simply stood there, receiving nothing from the human-now-mare.
"We can't celebrate yet, Vallis." Luna interjected, to prevent any further awkwardness. "We've yet to even figure out Discord's scavenger hunt." She made little air quotes with a forehoof.
"Scavenger hunt?" Sunny echoed, now bemused. She leaned in to whisper in one of Luna's ears. "What happened to the riddles?"
"No idea." Luna deadpanned. "Anyway, since it seems Celestia has everything together from imploding any further, I'll go see if I can help her. Also, here's the list for the hunt." She handed Sunny a, rather long, list.
Sunny's eyes almost shrank to the size of pinpricks.
"This is nearly a week's worth of time in search and activities."
"Yes, I know..." Luna sighed. "One of the two boys here did something that must have upset Discord greatly for him to give them such a laborious task." She eyed Joel, causing him to smile nervously.
"...Was he furious?" Luna held a subtle smirk. It took Joel a moment to realize, then he chuckled.
"Very."
Meanwhile, Chris looked over Sunny's shoulder; reading the list. He squinted, mumbling something.
"Hm? Did you say something?" Sunny noticed the white stallion by her side, reading quietly to himself.
"Oh, I'm just reading the list. It's not so bad. In fact, I thought it'd be something humiliating, or pointless and tiring, or even both. This is honestly the exact opposite." He furrowed his eyebrows, backing up his head slightly.
"Really?" Sunny doubted, looking back to the list. It seemed different now, however. She read it once, and then double checked it to see if she was reading it right. It definitely wasn't what she read the first time. "That's weird."
"Hm?" He hummed.
"That was not what I read the first time."
"...Huh?"
"I mean, I think he's... modifying it as we speak?" They both looked closely at the list, and it was true. The words were scrambling by the second, sentences changing completely from one thing to another.
"But Fluttershy, please!" Discord pleaded on his knees as Fluttershy scribbled on his magic scroll.
"No, Discord. I can't just let you do that to them. You should be happy that I'm even allowing you to bother them in the first place."
Discord floated over Fluttershy's shoulder, wanting to rip the beard from his chin.
"What?! No no no, that doesn't even make sense anymore!" Discord pointed to one of the lines. "This completely defeats the purpose of turning Joel into a mare!!"
"Do you want them to leave for the week or not, Discord?" Fluttershy folded her forearms. His lips quivered, and he sighed as he hung his head in defeat.
"Very well..."
"Wait, what was that last one?!" Chris half fainted when he read it.
"Whoa, Vallis! Stay with me!!" Sunny held his forearm, helping him from falling to the cobblestone ground.
"What, it can't be that bad?" Joel trotted over to read the sentence, only to half faint aswell a few seconds later. The two friends could only sit on their haunches, facing the exact opposite direction from each other. Sunny looked down towards the last part of the list, and read it mentally.
'Vallis asks Joel (who's now a mare) to a VERY romantic date, and at the end of the day, they must KISS for atleast ten seconds. Picture, or it never happened.'
Sunny scrunched her face as her pupils shrunk to pinpricks, surprised herself that Discord would write that. He really must have been upset, whatever Joel did to him. Though, by miracle from Fluttershy, the words finally started to change like the previous ones.
"Boys! It's changing!" Sunny called. They both immediately hopped up and scrambled over to her; glaring at the list's last command. After a moment when the letters settled, it seemed like it didn't change at all. Sunny decided to read it outloud to make sure.
"Vallis asks Sunny Skies to a very romantic date, and at end of the day, they must-"
It was very apparent by then what the only change was.
There was a deep silence, until Sunny and Chris looked at each other dead in the eye almost as if they were in sync. Both their faces were as red as a tomato. Both were holding their breath. Both didn't know what to think; there were too many thoughts flying across their minds. No one knew what to say at all. Well, until Chris caught Joel flashing a very familiar grin.
"Don't say a word."
