This story takes place at a time in the far future. Or was it the past? I have no fucking idea, don’t judge me! Anyways I am going to stop talking since it is too early for me to be introduced. SO BYE!
“IT’S BECOMING UNSTABLE!”
“WELL MAKE IT FUCKING STABLE THEN!”
“IT’S NO USE! IT’S GOING CRITICAL! WE NEED TO GET CLEAR!”
“AGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!”
“RAIN! NO! RAAAIN!”
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Hey there reader person! My name is Slaughter Fest. AND I’M CRAY-CRAY! Shut up Cray-Cray, Slaughter Fest is trying to do an introduction. WHY DON’T YOU SHUT IN ATHENA!
BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP! Celestia damn it. This is the problem with having schizophrenia. Well, at least they’re not the kind to tell you to murder every sentient being on the planet. NO I JUST WANNA HAVE FUN! Celestia damn you Cray-Cray why did you have to put that song in our head! WHAT? IT’S A GOOD SONG! BOTH OF YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP! They do get annoying as Tartarus though. I’ll give you a brief description of myself real quick before I forget. I am a unicorn mare with light blue fur, my mane and tail are striped with slightly darker shades of blue and red, and my eyes are a light green. I have a cutiemark of 3 painted skulls two blue, one yellow with intestines trailing from them. I always wear a red duster and silver anklets. WE SOUND SEXY! Idiot. We should just get to the story.
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“Go ahead and hit me if you’re able. But you should know mercy was never on the table. I can tell you’re getting sick of trying, so why don’t you give up and start dying. I’ll make all your friends disappear, erasing everything it’s why I’m here.” I sang out, shooting bullets into the heads of nearby raider ponies. NICE! Your aim has gotten terrifyingly good. I throw my guns high into the air and draw my sword Oblivion. I grip Oblivion in my front hooves and start spinning acting like the blade of a blender. It helps that I walk on my back hooves normally. If you don’t like the way I walk reader you can go fuck yourself. SASSY! Well we are the type of mare that don’t take no shit from nobody. I sheath Oblivion and reach out my hooves catching my pistols Aurum and Argentum. Aurum is a solid gold pistol with Aurum engraved in silver on the side. Argentum is a silver pistol with Argentum engraved in gold on the side. I then pointed Aurum behind me without looking and pulled the trigger killing the raider that was so foolishly trying to sneak up on me.
“WOW THAT WAS FUN LET’S DO IT AGAIN!” I shouted to the empty air with no company but corpses and the voices inside of my head. I sighed wishing I had a friend who wouldn’t mind me being a psychopath. Someone I could talk to but it’s not like they’re going to come from a portal in the sky. I looked up seeing a portal opening and out popped a purple unicorn. She had darker purple mane with reddish tips, and a gun cutie mark. Ok, apparently I’ve been a good little filly this year!
Ok don’t freak her out Slaughter Fest. Remember Mom’s list for good first impressions: first personal space, second smile but not like a creeper, third be friendly but not like you’re trying to get lucky, four don’t shoot them, five don’t stab them, and six be nice. Ok I think I’m good. I really hope she’s not dead. It would not help the friend situation. NOOOO DON’T DIE PURPLE PONY! WE NEED FRIENDS! WE NEEDS IT! WE NEEDS THE PRECIOUS! OK then Pinkamena, we just have to hope she’s alive.
How do I tell if she’s dead though… I KNOW, POKE HER WITH A STICK THAT ALWAYS WORKS! Idiot. I’ll poke her with the stick because it sounds like fun.
I grabbed a medium sized stick and started poking her in the face with it.
I heard a groan and “I swear to God if whoever’s poking me with that stick doesn’t stop in the next ten seconds I’m shoving it up their ass!”
My first thought was ‘YAY SHE’S ALIVE!’ WHO’S GOD? If I were to hazard a guess it might be a deity she worships instead of Celestia. HEREASY! We use everybody and everyone instead of everypony because we find it racist. RACISM IS BAD MMMKAY! I love South Trot!
The purple pony sat up, looked at me and said “Who the fuck are you supposed to be?”
“I’m Slaughter Fest it’s nice to meet you I hope we can be the best of friends!” I said with a smile on my face.
“Riiiiiiiight…… I’m Rain. Now goodbye.” She said and started walking away ON HER HIND HOOVES LIKE ME!
I put my guns away and started following her. She started to speed up so I did too. She turned around and glared at me after about 10 minutes of this.
“What the hell?!? Are you stalking me?!?” she shouted at me.
OK Mom said honesty was the best policy soooo….“Yes. Yes I am. I want friends. Please be my friend? And you fell out of a portal so you probably don’t know where you are so sticking with me would also be your best bet at survival too.” Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes! SAY YES CELESTIA DAMN IT! Please say yes.
“Fine I’ll travel with you until the first town.” Rain said.
“YAY!” I shouted in unison with the voices in my head.
I looked and saw a raider that I missed pointing a gun at Rain so I pushed her out of the way and his bullet hit me square in the forehead and exited the back. HE GONNA DIE! He is indeed in for a surprise.
He said “Take that you ugly bitch.”
I laughed and leaned my head back up so he could see my woundless forehead.
“W-what? T-that’s impossible! You should be dead!” he screamed in fear.
“Surprise motherfucker!” I said with a psycho grin.
I drew my sword and ran at him while he screamed and let the bullets fly. I felt them pierce my flesh over and over again, and it tickled. I LOVE KILLING PONIES! I jumped in the air and brought Oblivion down chopping him in half from head to tail. FATALITY! SLAUGHTER FEST WINS! FLAWLESS VICTORY! We always win Cray-Cray. True, though we might be dead-locked in battle if we were to fight another regenerator, isn’t that right reader? I then felt the bullets being pushed out by my regeneration and heard them clinking on the ground. IT’S ALWAYS FUN TO WATCH US HEAL! It is indeed fascinating. THE READER MIGHT LIKE TO SEE IT HAPPENING! Maybe but it’s doubtful. Ignoring the voices in my head I made sure my enchanted coated was repairing itself like it was supposed to. Yep it was working like a charm!
Rain walked over to me with an interested look on her face. She lifted my foreleg up and looked into my eyes and tilted my head and opened my mouth. THIS IS GETTING WEIRD! For once I agree with you Cray-Cray. Yeah and listening to her muttering would weird you out too, reader, if you were there. Let me give you an idea.
“The cells seem to replenish themselves at an almost alarming rate. Any foreign objects also seem to be pushed out of the body by the process of regeneration. This regeneration allows her to withstand constant machine gun fire without any permanent damage to the internal organs or brain. This regeneration may essentially be immortality. I just need to do a test.” she said.
Reader I don’t know about you but when someone says something about performing a test I get a little nervous. She reached over and broke my arm! WHAT THE FUCK?!? Holy shit. Of course it just snapped backed into place almost instantly.
“WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!?” I screamed.
“It was a test. Did it hurt?” she asked tilting her head.
“No it just surprised me.” I replied with a sigh.
“Then don’t whine about it.” she said without any sympathy.
Our new friend may be a sociopath. YEAH I MEAN SHE BROKE OUR ARM JUST FOR A TEST! Well look at it this way we now have a friend who is just as crazy as we are! That is one way of looking at it. CHIMICHANGAS! WAIT? WHAT WERE WE TALKING ABOUT?
Cray-Cray you are an idiot. NO I AM SPECIAL! Yes, special-ed! BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP! I AM TIRED OF YOUR FIGHTING! SOrRy!
“Slaughter Fest what are you making those expressions for?” Rain asked unamused.
“The voices in my head are arguing again and it’s getting annoying.” I replied with a grumble.
“Great, of all the ponies I could have gotten stuck with I get with stuck the mass murdering psychopath.” she muttered under her breath.
“Says the sociopath.” I said grinning at her and bouncing ahead.
You’re probably wondering ‘Hey Slaughter Fest, how are you so happy in a forsaken wasteland where everyday is a fight for survival?’ Well dear reader I am insane, I literally don’t know how to feel sad. IT’S TRUE! It is quite interesting honestly. I was driven mad by this place a long time ago. I know I was sane at one point but I can’t remember what it felt like because it has been so long. So I wander the wasteland wreaking vengeance upon all those who would harm an innocent. I enjoy it too. I love hearing their pained screams, and I love to kill. And I do it all with an insane smile on my face. Our soul is stained red with the blood of those we’ve slain. And this kind of blood never washes off. HEY, ATHENA, WE’RE DOING IT FOR A GOOD CAUSE! SO IT IS ALL WORTH IT! IT WILL ALWAYS BE WORTH IT! JUST THINK OF HOW MANY PONIES’ LIVES WE SAVED BY KILLING THOSE RAIDERS! WE ARE DOING GOOD EVEN IF IT’S ONLY A LITTLE! You’re right Cray-Cray. We do make a difference.
I shoved my hooves in my coat and started walking into the wasteland stepping on some of the raiders I killed, hard, crushing their skulls. I have no respect for them even when they’re dead. I am sadistic and will not hesitate to defile their corpses just for fun. I torture others for fun, I enjoy breaking them mind, soul, and flesh. I am not nor will I ever be a good pony, I am simply nicer than the rest of the psychopaths and murderers here in the wasteland. I kill and kill and kill and I will never stop until every raider is erased from existence. Besides killing is so much fun I almost wish there were more raider settlements. Rain followed me after looting a gun from some random raider. She didn’t talk probably thinking I was deep in thought. I doubt she has any idea about my awareness of other dimensions. I am not just aware of you reader, I am aware of Pinkamena Diane Pie and what she did to Rainbow Dash. I have seen the ruins of the rainbow factory with my own eyes. Which means yes, the horrors that happened to those little fillies happened here. I found a journal of one of the pegasi that worked there and the factories are one in the same. I am aware of Lil’ Miss Rarity, and her sadism. I am aware of Twilight’s cruel experiments that she performed on those she once called friends. I am aware of Butchershy, and her murderous streak. I am aware of the Bad Apple Applejack. I belong among all these monsters.