My Life as a Hybrid

by ChaosDoomscythe

Chapter 14: Eyes of a Tormented Soul

The expression of pure hatred on his face made Celestia recoil from where she stood, as though his look alone had physically struck her. When he unleashed the torrent of flames from his mouth, she acted swiftly, teleporting out of the way. When she reappeared roughly fifteen feet to the left of her previous position, the guards snapped to action while the nobles ran and scattered, screaming of a monster having invaded the throne room. The guards had immediately surrounded him and positioned themselves in between him and their princess, shielding her. Celestia turned to look at her throne.

It had been completely obliterated from the sheer force of the flames that rocketed out of his mouth, as well as a portion of the wall behind it. However, she noted that nothing was currently on fire. She turned back towards the black pony, and when she saw his look of hate, she had stepped back.

‘Why,’ she thought to herself. ‘Why does he glare at me so hatefully?’ She noticed one of his eyes beginning to turn red. ‘Why does he believe I… murdered his parents?’

He was beginning to see red. A lot of red. He clenched his eyes shut and shook his head to clear it, even as all the nobles ran around screaming and panicking. He needed to stay calm. As calm as he possibly could in this situation. Calm and clear minded. He couldn’t allow his anger, his rage to consume him. He couldn’t let his wrath control him.

‘Can’t lost control. Don’t get angry. Don’t get mad. Just kill her and this will all be over.’

When he opened his eyes and looked upon Celestia again, he saw red creeping up in the peripherals of his vision, and just beyond that, black.

‘Go away, wrath, I don’t need you right now!’

In the back of his mind, a voice whispered to him, even as more guards flooded the room and surrounded him further. The whispered voice offered a contradiction, telling him that he needed to let his rage loose, to allow his anger to be unbound and released upon the world. To allow these powerful emotions to strengthen him. That he needed to let loose everything upon the monster of a pony that stood before him, to let his emotion wreak havoc and vengeance upon her very being.

He realized the vision in one of his eyes had gone completely red. An image of his father, strung up in a hospital bed from years ago flashed before his eyes. The red faded from his eyes as other emotions began flooding his being. He shook his head again and snorted, heavy steam and smoke pouring out of his snout. He looked at Celestia again, this time he had more control. There was no red in his vision.

Celestia looked down at him, and even as all her guards had surrounded him sand aimed their spears and swords at him, the two never broke each other’s gaze. He snorted again, this time without smoke, just steam. He looked to have calmed down.

Then he snorted out green and black flames.

‘Somewhat.’

Celestia had been alive for several thousand years. In that time she had learned many, many things that helped her when ruling over a nation. One of the most useful things she learned was the ability to see the hidden emotion within another pony merely by looking into their eyes. It was an ability she rarely used unless it was deemed necessary to fend off hidden schemes, or to prevent a pony from taking advantage of her or others. You could learn a lot about a pony’s hidden agenda just based on their emotion alone. However, she hasn’t used that ability for several hundred years now, not having needed to in this time of peace. Now, she felt the need to do so again, to look upon his eyes and hopefully discover the real reasoning for his sudden attack.

She looked upon his eyes. Those eyes that were a constant reminder to her. A reminder of what her sister used to look like when she was possessed by the nightmare forces. When she looked into his eyes, she almost gasped at what she saw. He had almost the same look Luna had, the same emotions that Luna had buried behind her own eyes all those years ago when she had confronted her as Nightmare Moon. The same anger. The same sadness. The same loneliness. But she could see a difference. In the eyes of her sister, she had spied Luna’s, jealousy, the feeling that she was underappreciated, that no one had loved her, or the beautiful nights she brought about. But here, now, in Shadow’s eyes, she could see that he was loved, but that he had lost that love, and that he had something taken from him. Something that drove him to despair. Something that nearly turned all the love left in his heart into rage.

He had lost his parents… and it had nearly broken him.

Now, he was angry. Very angry. And that anger was directed right at her.

When she thought back to the times he had seen Shadow with her sister, the two of them would always have smiles upon their faces, be they genuinely happy just to be near each other, or mischievous, especially when they were planning pranks with each other. Celestia was always so happy whenever she saw her sister smile, whenever she saw her conversing with the public. Whenever she was with her friends, the relative few she has, Luna was usually always all smile, and that made Celestia’s heart soar.

But of the times Shadow was with her, she was always somewhat suspicious of him. It had always been his eyes. The same eyes as that nightmare. She had always been wary of him, always keeping an eye or ear on her sister’s activities with him. Over the course of the few months he worked at the castle, her suspicions lessened more and more, to the point she thought she was merely being paranoid about him. She thought she had merely misjudged him without actually getting to know him.

Until she passed him in the hallway a few weeks ago.

She had been on her way to the kitchens to grab herself a nice snack, perhaps, a slice of cake, when he walked out. When the two laid eyes on each other then, they both froze, staring at each other like deer caught in the headlights. Celestia regained her composure, and was about to greet him, until she saw his look turn to one of anger. Her voice had caught in her throat, and she made no move to stop him and he brushed passed her, now seemingly in a hurry to get away from her. From that point on, her suspicions had been raised, and heightened from what they were before.

They had crossed paths twice more, the second time was much like the first, where they both froze, before he rushed off to get away. But the third time had been slightly different. She reached out to stop him, wishing to speak to him about this, but the moment her hoof touched his wing, he snapped around on her faster than she had seen anypony move except maybe Spitfire or Rainbow Dash, and harshly slapped her hoof away. He growled in a low tone for her not to touch him, before covering one of his eyes as though he were in pain, taking wing, and flying as far away from her as fast as he could.

When she went to talk to her sister about it, Luna had shown immense concern about it, and agreed to speak to Shadow to find out exactly what was wrong, why he treated Celestia with such negativity. Unfortunately, Shadow hadn’t shown up until two days later.

He hadn’t shown back up until today.

But even now, as the two stared each other down, she couldn’t help but think back about the look he gave her when he slapped her look away. The anger and the hidden despair she saw in his eyes back then. She could see that same look even now. But the anger she saw then, the anger she saw now, was nothing in comparison to the look he gave her mere moments ago.

She couldn’t help but think back to when she saw Shadow with Luna

“Luna would be heartbroken to see you like this,” she said with a somewhat sad frown.

“This isn’t about Luna,” came his retort. “This is about you, and me. Tell your guards to get out of the way. I don’t want to hurt them, but I will if I have to. You’re the only one I’m after. You’re going to die here. I am going to kill you. Nothing will stop me.” He took one step forward, and in a low, growling, snarling voice said, “Nothing…”

Shadow Flare lay on the ground, curled up in a tight ball, letting out slight growls and small whimpers. Mantle was sitting curled up behind and around him, allowing Shadow to rest on him as he slept, as well as protecting him from those who may wish him harm. Fluttershy was also sitting next to him, patting him on his wings or on his head as he twitched and flinched. She whispered to him it would be alright, that things would be okay, doing her best to try to sooth his bad dreams and make him as comfortable as he could be, but it wasn’t working.

It had been two days since he had gone under, and mere moments after they reached the cave, everypony and creature accompanying him felt the magic in the air shit. The Solar Pegasus and Midnight Thestral guards, Rainbow and Fluttershy, even Mantle. They all felt the magic in the air as it was being drawn towards his body. What had surprised everyone, though, was the fact that he had stopped absorbing magic merely an hour after it had begun.

And immediately after that came the first whimper from his mouth.

They all watched as his body began twitching and jerking in his sleep, until he curled up in on himself and began shivering uncontrollably. Mantle and Fluttershy immediately jumped to action, trying to calm him, but nothing worked. If anything he just kept getting worse and worse. After the first day of this, Fluttershy suggested it might be a good idea to get Princess Luna. They couldn’t send the Guards because they were under orders to guard him, and Mantle had outright refused to leave his side until he had awoken. Rainbow Dash didn’t want to leave him either, but knew that Luna had the best chance of helping him, so she dashed off back down the mountain towards the castle. She came back an hour later, saying that Luna would be there as soon as she could.

That was yesterday.

Now they all sat around him, waiting for Luna to arrive, when Mantle’s ears twitched, and he lifted his head to look out of the mouth of the cave. Fluttershy and Dash looked at Mantle, then towards where he was looking only to see a rather surprising sight. Two closed in chariots, one gold, the other black and silver landed outside the mouth of the cave, and the eight Pegasus guards carrying the chariots removed their harnesses and opened the sides open for the passengers of each chariot. Out of the golden one came the rest of the Elements of harmony, as well as Cadence.

Out of the black and silver chariot came Shining armor, several more unicorn guards, and Princess Luna. As Rainbow started walking over to greet her friends, she and Fluttershy both started when they saw Princess Celestia gingerly step out of the chariot behind Luna. She was still injured, though covered with fewer bandages than she was two days ago. Her horn and wings, were still bandaged, as was her right forehoof.

Shy and Dash both bowed to the princesses briefly before they watched as Celestia walked past everyone, nodding her head in greetings, and right towards the shivering hybrid. She stopped when Mantle growled at her. Celestia turned towards an approaching Luna with a curious eyebrow raised.

“Luna, you did not tell me that there was a manticore here.”

Luna flinched at that, the escaped king of manticores having slipped her mind. “Forgive me. I seem to have forgotten to mention that Mantalius escaped from Tartarus.”

“WHAT?!” Celestia rounded on the manticore, who no longer looked like a normal one. He was crouching over Shadow Flare in a protective manner, both of his tails raised and ready to strike, both of them leaking his unique brand of venom while black and green flames spewed from his mouth and enveloped his massive wings. Celestia took a step back, before she took a breath to calm herself. She looked at how Mantle was standing protectively over Shadow’s shivering form, and then looked him in the eyes.

He remembered Celestia.

He still wanted to eat her.

Celestia sighed and shook her head, then turned towards Fluttershy when she addressed her.

“Um… excuse me Princess, but shouldn’t you still be resting? I mean, Shadow did hurt you really badly. Don’t you, um, think you should still be in bed? I mean, if that’s okay with you…”

Celestia smiled down calmly at her, and placed a hoof on her back to help reassure her. “Thank you for your concern, Fluttershy, but all I plan on doing is just a little walking. Nothing too strenuous. Luna already tried to talk me out of coming here, but…” She then looked up at Shadow. “I wanted to see him, and hopefully, talk to him.”

Shining walked up to her, a questioning look on his face. “Are you really sure you should be here when he wakes up though? The last time he saw you, he kinda, well, literally exploded.”

Celestia did not remove her gaze from Shadow, and slowly, she took several steps forward. “Things will be different this time. He won’t attack me.”

Luna stepped after her sister, following her as she got closer to Mantle, closer to Shadow. “How do you know, sister?” Mantle growled, but Celestia continued to march forward. She looked the king of manticores in his eyes, and in that moment, in that brief instant where their eyes met, she did her best to convey her feelings towards him. He did the same to her. They both came to a silent understanding. Mantle transformed back into his disguise as a normal manticore, and moved out of her way, off to the side. He remained close by though, just in case something went wrong and he needed to step in.

Celestia walked up to Shadow and moved behind him, then, slowly lowered herself until she was laying on her side behind him. She winced when she put pressure on her wing, but the pain passed quickly. She then did something that shocked everypony in the room, the guards included. She reached out, with her forelegs and grabbed shadow, hugging him to her. She leaned down and nuzzled the top of his head, even as everypony else’s jaws dropped. Celestia then looked up at her sister and said, “Because I have faith that things will work out better this time.”

Luna looked Celestia in the eyes, and saw the resolve in them. She nodded, and stepped forwards towards them both, before laying herself down in front of them. She looked down at Shadow, and then nodded once more at her sister. “I will do what I can to ease his dreams.” With that, she lowered her horn towards his whimpering shaking form, and placed the tip on his forehead just as her magic activated.

The entire cave was silent for a few moments, until she pulled her horn back, its glow disappearing, and looked down at him worryingly. “I cannot enter his dreams. I could not even enter the void within his mind. It is as though something is shielding his mind from me. Either that, or I simply cannot gain entry into his mind when his body shuts itself down.” She let out a sad sigh. “I can do nothing to help him other than be here for him.”

“We’ll all be there for him, princess,” came Rainbow Dash’s declaration as she came up to them and sat next to them. Shortly after, the other girls followed suit, settling down in a circle around him and waiting for him to wake up.

No matter how far I ran, I couldn’t catch them. No matter how fast I flew, I couldn’t catch them. No matter how much I screamed for them, I couldn’t get them to stop… to wait for me.

“MOM! DAD! SHADOW! PLEASE!”

I was surrounded by darkness absolute. There was nothing but darkness above, below, behind, in front. All encompassing, all-consuming darkness. This was the darkness of nothingness.

And it terrified me.

“WAIT! PLEASE WAIT!”

But the darkness, this pit of despair. It didn’t terrify me as much as losing them. My wings were exhausted, and I had been forced to land. I refused to stop running after them I couldn’t lose them. They were my rocks. My anchors. They were the things that were keeping me sealed in reality. They were the things that were keeping me sane. I couldn’t lose them, no matter what. But no matter what I did, no matter how much I screamed or roared at them, they just wouldn’t stop, and I couldn’t catch them.

They just kept walking, getting further and further away.

“PLEASE! PLE- *huff* Wait! Stop! “

The darkness all around me… it suddenly shifted. I tripped and fell from the sudden sense of vertigo I felt. I tried to scramble to my hooves, but found my body wouldn’t move. I looked up, to see them still walking away, getting farther and farther…

“PLEASE! WAIT! DON’T LEAVE ME!!”

Finally, they stopped. It was the only sigh of hope I had. Hope that they might come back, that they might be with me again. The tears came to my face unbidden. I wouldn’t have tried to stop them anyway. I didn’t care. I just wanted my family back.

“Please… please….. don’t go…”

And then it happened.

Shadow flare turned around and looked at me.

Then he smiled.

I smiled back. “Shado-“

And then his form shattered into millions of countless stars, floating away into the lightless black surrounding us all before vanishing. My voice and my breath caught in my throat, as I turned towards mom and dad, only to see them staring back at me as well.

I could only watch on in horror as cuts began to appear all over their bodies and a pool of their blood appear below their hooves and claws. Then they both collapsed, before black and green flames incinerated their bodies into nothing. My head began hurting immensely, and I found I could move again. I wrapped my head in my hooves as the pain began to grow. I heard several loud cracks that sounded like glass. I looked at my hooves, only to widen my eyes when I saw that all four of them had large spider web cracks running through all or them up to the middle of each leg.

When I looked back at my right forehoof, I saw something just beyond it. I moved my hoof out of the way to see what it was.

The tears came stronger than ever when I saw my human mother and brother standing mere meters in front of me.

“Mom… big bro…”

They didn’t even wait for me to finish before they turned around and started walking away from me too.

“NO! WAIT-“

I tried to get up and follow them, but my hind legs wouldn’t move at all. I was getting desperate. I couldn’t lost them too.

“No… No,no, nononononno! NO! DON’T GO! DON’T GO! DON’T-“

And then they, too, vanished before my eyes.

“…..go……..”

My sorrow… it was like… It was like a never ending pool; an ocean sadness and grief. Filled to the brim, fit to burst. But it was slowly leaking from my body, the ocean unable to be contained and escaping the only way it can.

Through my tears.

I was pitiful. But I didn’t have time to reflect on that because I heard another series of cracks, and looked over my back. My wings were looking just like my legs; cracks all over them. But my legs were another story. The cracks on those became more pronounced, bigger, wider, and out of them flowed the same darkness that surrounded me.

The darkness was consuming me from the inside out.

I closed my eyes and lay my head down as the pain in my mind continued to grow and spread throughout my body. I was low. Really low. I didn’t think I could get any lower. I felt like I was in an eternal pit of darkness. I may as well have been. My families have left me. Gone. Vanished. They disappeared into light, light that was too bright to my eyes. I couldn’t follow them. If anything, I’d probably end up falling into even deeper darkness.

I was content to just lay there collapsed on the ground as my tears silently slid down my face and muzzle; to wallow in my misery for the rest of eternity in this oppressive world. I guess the world had other plans. I guess that the world wanted me to suffer even more before it would allow me the fester.

I say this, because when I opened my eyes, who should be there to greet me but all my friends. By the looks on their faces, however, I could already tell how this would turn out. Knowing what would happen, however, still wasn’t enough to help me stop the full body shudder, and the panic that spread out through my very being. It couldn’t stop me from trying to beg…

Even though my voice couldn’t reach them, no sound coming out of my mouth, even as they all began to turn their backs on me, walk away, and vanish into nothing.

I tried to reach out to them; to move; to scream. Nothing worked. As they began to disappear from sight, the cracks along my legs and wings began spreading up to and across my body, a wretched sound accompanying it.

Twilight.

*crack…*

Rarity.

*crack…*

Shining.

*K-crack*

Cadence.

*Crack*

Applejack.

*CRA-crack*

Pinkie.

*CRAAAACK, Krck, krck*

Fluttershy.

*CRACK-KR-CRACK*

Rainbow.

*CRACK-CRACK*

Spike.

*CRACKCK*

Sky Shock.

*plink, plink, plink*

I could hear pieces of myself falling and shattering on the ground. I didn’t need to see it to know that the cracks covered my entire being at this point… but my body. My body was consumed in an inferno of torment, a searing pain that washed over my like the lava of a volcano. The darkness was pouring out of me, and it was even covering my vision.

It was over…I was done. Lost. Alone. Empty. I had nothing left. They had all abandoned me. The only thing I had left was…

'No…

'No, not you too.'

Terror beyond my wildest imagination gripped my very soul when I saw her. Even through my blurred vision, I could still see that the moment I laid eyes on her, she started turning away,

'NO! NO! DON’T LEAVE ME!

'I CANT LOSE YOU TOO!

'DON’T WALK AWAY!

'PLEASE DON’T GO!

'PLEASE!'

“LUNA!”

I woke up with a large, chocking gasp, tears and snot streaming down my face my eyes wide. I briefly saw a wall of white before I clenched them shut again. I tried to wrap my arms and wings around myself, but they were already wrapped around something, so I just squeezed it as hard as I could as shuddering sobs began to wrack my body. Whatever I was holding onto squeezed me back, and I felt something nuzzling my head and neck as I cried my heart out, whispering soothing words as they tried to comfort me.

I just lay there, in that embrace for what felt like hours, letting what felt like years-decades of sadness, grief, sorrow and despair out. I had thought I got this all out of my system when I broke down with my first meeting with Fluttershy. But I guess that was just a precursor to this. I just cried, and cried and cried and kept crying, long after my tears had dried up.

Finally, after what felt like forever, which it may as well have been, I had been reduced to small whimpers and sniffles. The one holding me never once let go, or loosened their grip, and for that, I was thankful. As I took a few deep breaths to further calm myself, I somehow felt a little lighter. It was like all I needed to do was just let go and release all my sorrows to the world around me. I had been holding it all in for so long that it felt like a weight had been lifted, like I let go of a mighty burden.

And it felt good to just let it go. To just let it all go, to not live in the past, or worry about everything that happened back then. To not live for what happened in the past, and just wash it all away.

To just… breathe.

So that’s what I did. I lay there, silent, and just sucked in and blew out air. For a few long minutes, I just lived, existed in this wonderful, comforting moment. I snuggled further into the embrace. I felt so calm, despite what I just went through, and somehow, I felt warm and safe. Like nothing could get to me through this.

“Thank you for being there for me…”

And then it all came down, crashing and burning when I heard that voice.

“You’re very welcome… my little pony.”

My eyes snapped open.

A wall of white fur greeted me.

‘WHITE!’

I looked up, only for my eyes to meet with two twin pools of deep magenta.

I stopped breathing.