//------------------------------// // 2 - The Shadow // Story: Mending Light // by Kiromancer //------------------------------// The winter marched on at an unusually miserable pace that year. Time felt like a thick layer of ice clinging to my coat, making all the pain inescapable. That strength and enthusiasm from that first day of winter had quickly faded back into the constant self-doubt gnawing at my thoughts.  That very same snow that typically brought me so much joy now only served to provide a dull ache in my heart. I'd pushed myself to find her. I started by checking the weather schedules, where I first found her full name. Dusky Down. As Rainbow Dash had told me, she was a part-time weatherpony with an erratic schedule, but she picked up enough shifts that I was able to plan 'chance run-ins' with her. I was never able to get the nerve to actually face her though. Instead, I broke my silence only to talk to some of the ponies who shared shifts with her. I needed to learn more about her, what she talked about, what she liked, if she was… well, seeing anypony. On my best days, when the promise I’d made to myself resonated strongest, I walked with my head high and nearly worked up the will to talk to her. Before turning tail, of course. Time and again, I planned to approach her, and time and again my cowardice undermined me. Each time I failed it felt like a nail in my heart. And each nail made it even harder to reach her the next time. I’d seen her in the market, my courage screaming at me to just take that first step forward. But that voice was consumed by my fears and doubts. She’d do her shopping and walk away, and I’d follow after her lamely, hoping and dreaming that she’d stop and notice me, and then suddenly she’d slip from my sight, and I’d return home with yet another failure stacked against me. And so I spent that winter waiting, watching her. A month passed and she still didn't know I existed. The only thing I was confident of was the fact that she never would. And then there were the worst days. There were fleeting moments I even wished that I’d never seen her standing in that crowded city hall. Dusky was an image of perfection, like something from another world, a forbidden beauty that I knew I’d never be worthy of standing beside. It was hopeless. I was hopeless. The darker voices of my doubt told me she’d never accept me, never like me.  And there was an absolutely certainty she could never love me. Not unless I could prove myself, to do something so great that she’d have to acknowledge me. Dusky walked alone along the streets of Ponyville. It was strangely ominous that night, in contrast to its typically pleasant demeanor. She approached an alley, preparing to pass the gulf when her hooves struck some upturned stone, causing her to trip forward. That's when they showed up. Two great stallion thugs, creeping out of the inky black. She pulled back, still on the ground as she cowered, the two stallions hovering over her menacingly. Dusky cried out, but I was there for her, galloping forward and smashing into one of the villains in the nick of time, harkening. "Leave her alone!" The stallion dropped, suddenly finding his position reversed as I stood over him. The second took a step back hesitantly, but decided to throw caution to the wind and charge.  With a simple jump up, a turn, and a swift buck right into the thug's head, I quickly sent him rolling backwards.  Dusky was saved. She pulled herself up slowly, her leg strained from her fall, and as she saw me, she spoke my name as if giving it a gentle caress. "Thank you Night Flurry, you're my hero." she stood on her unsteady leg, but unable to stay upright, she was forced to lean on me for support, a simple motion that forced me to grasp her tightly, to keep her from putting weight on her bad leg. I lifted up, pulling her close to me as my wings beat, and together, forever, we ascended… I shook the fantasy out of my head.  An act of supreme heroism. There was really nothing else I could imagine that would ever win her to my side. Despite it all, every inadequacy and flaw, every terrible heart wrenching failure, despite everything I knew to be the truth, I had to persevere.  My heart and soul shouted out to me, demanded I keep trying.  And so try I would. --- I pricked my hoof again, forcing me to struggle to hold the mouthful of pins steady between my teeth. Sewing is a lot harder for a pegasus than you’d imagine, and it takes a steady hoof to keep yourself from getting injured.  Repeatedly. I sat atop my couch, a cushy piece of cloud I’d fluffed up myself. The living room was a spacious affair, probably a little bigger than needed for only one pony, but space was something I could afford, and my home is something I still take a great deal of pride in. For some pegasi, a cloud house is an extension of themselves, and that’s how it’s always been for me. So when I’d come to Ponyville, I’d set about arranging permits and plans for one of the town’s few cloud houses. It was like my fortress, perhaps the only place I felt like I was safe to be myself. I’d spread the pattern out on a long coffee table, a piece of real wood enchanted by pegasi magic, like a few other pieces of furniture I owned, to sit upon clouds without sinking. I worked my forehooves through fabric and thread, doing my best to follow the instructions. That pony at the fashion store had made it all sound so easy. Her studio was certainly full of inspiration, materials and dresses in colors and styles I could never conceive of. "Oh, earmuffs to match a scarf? It would be such a delightful little winter ensemble, perhaps some quaint boots and fur-lined saddle?" She had beamed, levitating out numerous supplies and fabrics, comparing colors and materials against one another. I just shook my head, keeping it held down, almost afraid to interrupt her. "I... um... n-no, just um... well, the earmuffs. I... I just want to m-make the earmuffs." "Oh, I see! A do-it-yourself project, is it? How charming! Well then, dear, here's what you'll need." She’d pushed away the majority of materials, and levitated a small stack of fabric and supplies forward. "Now, let me tell you what to do..." I sighed. She had been so generous, hadn't even charged me. But it wasn't anywhere near as easy as she'd told me. My stitches were sloppy, the cuts inelegant, and my hooves bandaged from all the needle pricks. It was, overall, a mess. The living room table was covered with half-completed, distorted, and misshapen attempts. None of them seemed worthy of her… I could still see her, a vision that played through my head time and again, her black coat glistening with a light dusting of snow as she trotted across the winter countryside, scarf flowing gently in the wind. She deserved something better than the poorly-sewn ear muffs I struggled with, something I knew I couldn't deliver then. Dusky haunted my very soul. The refrain of her voice in my mind convinced me to try again. Just one more time. Just one more. One last try, just like the last five attempts. I needed it to be perfect. --- Even after that, there was nothing for it. I returned the remaining supplies to the fashion shop, apologizing to the unicorn there as best I could. I just wasn't good enough. I didn't know if I ever could be, at something like this.  So, in the end, she had helped me through it. I picked out the materials, and the color, and she'd done all the work for me. I’d simply bought them. A pair of fuzzy blue earmuffs. It didn't feel the same, but... they were something.  I planned to give them to her, and.. and then, I didn't know. I wasn't sure I could even speak with her, considering the failures leading up to this point. I’d carried a decent amount of cloud cover to this pre-chosen spot, waiting atop one of the smaller clouds, concealed from anypony below.  This was a route I’d found she took pretty often. I’d wanted to say hello, to find some excuse to walk besides her and, well, and anything. I just wanted to tell her how I felt. I held the earmuffs in one hoof, gazing at the tiny tag I’d affixed to them, her name drawn upon it. I wanted to give them to her, but felt like it would just be too presumptuous, an odd thought all things considered. And I remember… well, I don’t even know what I was thinking. I suppose I stopped thinking. And in a moment of utter impulse that would make my sister proud, I pushed the earmuffs away, off of the cloud and down onto the snow-covered path below. They fell quickly, and it’d be hard to time what happened first, the impact of ear muffs upon the snow, or the realization of just how stupid I was being. With a rush, I stood, ready to swoop down and retrieve them when I heard a soft creak of hooves upon snow heralding somepony's arrival. I froze, throwing myself to the cloud as quickly as I had stood. If I was lucky, it wouldn't be her, just somepony else out for a walk. I could dive down, play it off as if I’d dropped my ear muffs, and then head home as fast as possible. A quick peek was all it took to dash my hopes. Of course it was her. Her dark coat obvious against the warm glow from the half set sun. A thousand possibilities played through my head, each one worse than the last. It was obviously not the right color. She’d see me. She’d hate them, and laugh. Laugh at them. Laugh at me. I clutched at the cloud like a life preserver, barely breathing with only the soft ‘pat pat pat’ of her hooves breaking the surface of the snow. I dared to look again, poking one eye over the edge of the cloud. Her form danced across the snow, and I was afraid she’d hear me just from the quickening of my heart. She stopped, something clearly catching her eye. And then, she turned and headed straight for my misguided delivery.  I withdrew, cowering back behind the cloud in preparation against the coming laughter, the mockery.  Down below was only silence. My heart was in my throat, desperate not to be seen, not here, not now. Not after this blunder. Her voice rang out, piercing through the dark thoughts like a brilliant light. "Thank you!" It echoed over the landscape before it died back into the quiet whisper of the wind. Not laughter, not mockery... I held still, trying to hold onto her voice in my mind. After an eternity, I heard her steps in the snow resume. Pat pat pat pat. I poked my head back around the cloud slowly, looking out over the field of white, quickly finding her as she trotted back the way she came. Under her wing, the telltale earmuffs. A part of me still wanted to call out, to fly down and explain myself, but that part remained quelled by the terror of the previous moment. In my struggles, the only victory was the faintest whisper heard only by myself. "You're welcome, Dusky." I stayed up there and watched her go, no need to try and follow her that night, but there was a thought, an image of her in my mind now, scarf about her neck and ears adorned with an extra layer of blue fluff.  It brought the red out in my cheeks, and a warmth that wouldn't pass. It wasn't the victory I wanted... maybe it wasn't a victory at all.  But somehow, at last, it felt like a start.