//------------------------------// // A Small Misunderstanding // Story: Chemical Ex // by Majin Syeekoh //------------------------------// Twilight Sparkle woke up in her bed, eyes still closed. She smiled, breathed in, then breathed out. She turned over in her bed and opened her eyes to see an unfamiliar orange unicorn stallion with a shaggy green mane sleeping next to her. She shrieked and cast a reverse gravity spell on the intruder, who woke up upon slamming against the ceiling. Twilight glared at the stallion. “Who are you and what were you doing in my bed?” The stallion shook his head and sat up on his haunches, hanging off of the ceiling like a bat. He scratched his head and said, “...you don’t remember?” Twilight shook her head, covering herself with the comforter. “...no. What happened?” The stallion rested his forehead on his hoof, then lifted his head and said, “Well, let’s start with what you remember.” Twilight looked down. “Well, let’s see...I drank an entire bottle of vodka...then I was dancing...and that’s it.” She then looked up at the unicorn. The unicorn looked down relative to him. “So, I guess introductions are in order.” He then looked at Twilight. “Name’s Quill. Psychokinetic Quill.” Twilight nodded uneasily. “Nice to meet you…” “Just call me Quill.” Twilight nodded again. “Okay, Quill.” Quill nodded. “Okay, I approached you concerning an article for the Canterlot Post—” “—I don’t usually talk to journalists,” Twilight said as she glared at Quill. Quill nodded. “I’m aware. I figured that due to the jovial atmosphere, you might loosen up a bit. You accepted my offer for an interview and suggested we go back to your place, here.” “Because of the noise,” Twilight said. Quill’s eyebrows raised. “So you remember?” Twilight shook her head. “No, it just sounds like something I would do. Please continue.” Quill nodded. “Alright, so we head back to your place, and we conducted the interview, whereupon you suggested we engage in intercourse. I tried to turn you down, but you insisted.” Twilight let out a small giggle. “Of course. Who wouldn’t I want to engage in a healthy intercourse?” Quill sighed and shook his head. “I don’t think you quite follow.” Twilight raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?” Quill took a deep breath, then exhaled. “It wasn’t...that kind of intercourse, if you know what I’m saying.” Twilight nodded. “Okay.” She then stood up and began to make her bed when she noticed a small red stain on the sheet. She examined it closely and dipped her hoof in it. She licked the substance tentatively, noting that it was blood. She shrugged and trotted off towards the bathroom. Quill let out a huge sigh. “Well, that could have gone worse.” A deafening scream emerged from the bathroom followed by Twilight storming out. She let out sharp, ragged breaths as she eyed down Quill. “Oh boy,” he said. Twilight grasped Quill in her magic and repeatedly slammed him against the ceiling and screamed, “you monster! You forced yourself on me and stole my purity!” She then let go of Quill, fell to her haunches and sobbed. Quill shook his head and stood up. “Me? Steal an alicorn’s virtue!?” he said while chuckling. This was swiftly met by Twilight slamming him against the ceiling yet again. “Screw you! It’s not funny!” Twilight screeched as she stormed past the guest bed where a sleeping form was lying underneath the sheets. She continued to storm downstairs and slammed the door behind her. She saw Spike dusting the library as the sound of her hooves pealed against the stairs. Spike looked up and smiled. “Hey, Twi, what’s up?” he asked. Twilight took her seat behind the library desk and started writing furiously. “Not now, Spike.” “But Twi—” Twilight turned her head to face Spike and shot daggers at him with her eyes. “Not. Now.” Spike shrugged and kept up his dusting. Best not to prod the beast, he thought to himself. ---- Trixie felt something soft hit her head. She screwed her eyes shut, hoping it was a dream. Something else soft hit her head. She opened her eyes to see a stallion on the ceiling. She turned her head back to the pillow, hoping to Celestia that she was still high from last night. Her hopes were dashed when she felt something hard hit her head. Furious, she shot up, pulled out her earplugs and screamed, “why are you throwing things at me!?” The stallion winced. “Because I gotta take a leak and I’m stuck to the ceiling. Can you help me?” Trixie shook her head, faechooved, then slid her hoof down her face. “Why me?” she whispered quietly to herself. She then looked up at the stallion, grasped him in her pink glow, and dragged him down to her level. “Fine, let’s go,” she said as she pulled the unicorn through the door of Twilight’s bedroom and downstairs, where Twilight was writing furiously. Trixie tapped Twilight on the shoulder. Twilight snapped her head back. “What?” She then shot a glare at Quill. “What’s he doing here? He’s supposed to be on the ceiling.” Trixie rolled her eyes. “So you knew there was a unicorn on your ceiling?” Twilight glared at Trixie. “Of course. I put him there!” Trixie raised an eyebrow. “And why did you put him there?” Twilight snorted. “Because he forced himself on me and stole my innocence!” Trixie stared at Twilight confusedly. “You mean to claim that this gangly stallion,” she said as she shook Quill in her magic, “somehow stole an alicorn’s virginity?” Trixie tittered. Twilight’s eyes slitted. “And why exactly is that funny?” Trixie chuckled. “Do you honestly think,” she said as her laughter picked up, “that this stallion right here could overpower an alicorn who is one of the single most powerful magic users in all of Equestria,” she continued as she let go of Quill, who screamed as he slammed against the ceiling, “and violate her!?” “I don’t think he could violate Twilight,” Spike said as he dusted, “I mean, she doesn’t even have a carriage to violate!” Trixie and Twilight both turned their heads to face Spike. Spike looked confusedly at the mares. “What did I say?” Twilight sighed. “Spike, go to your room.” “But Twi—” “Room. Now.” Spike sighed as he slumped over and walked upstairs to his room, slamming the door behind him. Trixie then turned to Twilight. “Okay, let’s look at this logically.” Twilight nodded, her jaw clenched. “Okay, let’s.” Trixie shook her head, then faced Twilight. “Okay, so you’re more powerful than every single unicorn by at least a factor of ten, and you were drunk—” “—exactly,” Twilight said, “who knows how that would affect my magic.” Trixie facehooved. “That’s what I was getting at. You see, every unicorn is taught to control their magic so as to not hurt anypony. These blocks are unlocked when heavily intoxicated.” Trixie then smirked. “So, in all likelihood, if you didn’t want to give it up, you wouldn’t have. In fact, you probably would have liquefied his bones or fried his brains.” Twilight looked up uneasily. “But it doesn’t seem like something I would do.” Twilight frowned. “He must have tricked me somehow.” Trixie facehooved again. “Once again, really? You’re the cleverest pony in all of Equestria. Nopony could pull a fast one on you.” Twilight’s eyes widened as she looked at Trixie. “Thank you, Trixie. That means a lot, coming from you.”. Trixie blushed. “Well, it’s true. Anyway, what do you think it was about Quill that made you want to give it up to him?” Twilight looked up and tapped her chin with her hoof. “Well, I don’t really know anything about him. Maybe a memory spell would clear up what happened.” “I volunteer!” Quill shouted. “Shut up!” Trixie and Twilight shouted simultaneously. They then turned to face each other, ignoring the stallion on the ceiling that needed to urinate very dreadfully. “So,” Trixie asked, “what do you know about him so far?” Twilight looked up while tapping her chin with her hoof. “Well, he seems patient. At least he was with me when explaining what happened last night.” Trixie nodded. “Hmm. He also seems to have a huge pair.” Twilight raised an eyebrow. “A huge pair of what?” Trixie facehooved. “He has guts for even attempting to ask you for an interview.” Twilight nodded. “Yeah, that’s true.” Twilight shifted in her chair. “He also seems intelligent, or at least logically minded.” Trixie chortled. “Not that smart, considering he slept with a drunken alicorn princess.” Twilight blinked, not sure how to respond to that. “He’s also orange.” Trixie started to nod, then froze. “Did...you just list ‘orange’ as a reason to sleep with a pony?” Twilight nodded. “Yeah, that’s probably the main reason that we fornicated.” Trixie blinked. “...why orange?” Twilight shook her head. “Look, I have a weakness for orange stallions, okay?” “Did you just use fornicate in a sentence unironically?” Quill asked. Trixie swiveled her head to the ceiling. “Nopony’s talking to you!” Quill snorted. “Well, everypony’s talking about me.” Twilight facehooved. “Yes, I used fornicate in a sentence. Fornicate is a word, after all.” “Yeah,” Quill said, “But it’s so...clunky. I didn’t think anypony would actually use it.” Twilight growled. “Look. It’s a word. It described what we did. You’re already on thin ice.” Quill raised an eyebrow. “But I thought we went over why it would have been impossible for me to rape you.” Twilight groaned. “We went over why it would be improbable. There’s still a chance.” “A very small chance—” “—shut up!” Trixie shouted at Quill, upon which he retreated into himself on the ceiling. Twilight spun around and continued her writing. “Anyway, why are you being so mean to him, Trixie?” she asked, “you’re the one saying that he didn’t despoil me.” Trixie blew a strand of hair out of her face. “I’m just saying he didn’t sexually assault you,” she said as she glared at Quill, “but he still took advantage of you.” “I did NOT take advantage of her!” Quill shouted from the ceiling. “If anything, SHE took advantage of me!” Twilight looked up and raised an eyebrow. “Explain.” Trixie looked up as well. “This ought to be good…” Quill put a hoof to his mouth and cleared his throat. “Well, remember when I said that you insisted on intercouse?” Twilight nodded. “Well, you didn’t insist so much as Royally Decree that I deflower you after I resisted your advances.” Twilight Sparkle facehooved. “Now I know you’re making stuff up.” Quill raised an eyebrow. “How so?” Twilight shook her head. “Because there is no logical chain of events that would lead me to engage in such an action.” Quill chuckled. Twilight glared at Quill. “What’s so funny?” Quill shook his head, still chuckling. “Logic has nothing to do with it when you’re under the effects of a mind-altering substance.” Trixie turned her head to Twilight. “You WERE pretty tanked last night…” Twilight facehooved and shook her head. “Whatever. It still doesn’t make sense.” “What doesn’t make sense?” A familiar voice said. Trixie and Twilight both turned their heads to see Rarity enter the library wearing a saddlebag. Twilight smiled. “Rarity! Just the mare I was looking for!” Rarity raised an eyebrow and looked around. “Whyever were you looking for me?” she said. Quill cleared his throat, upon which Rarity looked up at him. “Are you aware that there’s a unicorn on your ceiling?” Twilight shook her head. “That’s why we were looking for you. I need you to cast a memory spell on me.” Rarity looked nonplussed. “But I don’t know how to cast a memory spell. And why would you need a memory spell in the first place?” Twilight blushed. “Well, I apparently had intercourse with the stallion on the ceiling, and we need to figure out if it was rape.” “Or if he just took advantage of her inebriated state,” Trixie cut in with. “Anyway, I know how to cast a memory spell,” Twilight said, “and I can transfer that memory to you, therefore enabling you to cast it.” Rarity raised an eyebrow. “Can...you really do that?” Twilight nodded. “I don’t see why not. It shouldn’t be any different than when I reversed your brainwashing by Discord.” Rarity nodded. “Hrm...okay. How exactly would this work?” Twilight grinned eagerly. “Well, when I cured you of Discord’s brainwashing, I transferred my memories of you while reinforcing it with your own memories. This should work theoretically by me transferring my memories of casting that same spell into you, where you’ll then extricate my buried memories of the event.” Trixie raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure this’ll work? You were blacked out. There shouldn’t be any memory to recall.” Twilight shook her head. “The memories should still be there. I just can’t recall them.” She then turned her head to Rarity. “So, you ready?” Rarity looked down, then looked up. “Um, I guess…” Twilight smiled. “Okay!” She then touched her horn to Rarity’s, whereupon a white glow embedded itself into Rarity’s eyes. After a second, Rarity pulled away her horn and staggered back. Rarity blinked and touched a hoof to her head. “Well...that was certainly quite an experience.” Rarity then put her hoof down and shook her head. “Alright, let’s try this,” she said as she touched her horn to Twilight’s. Twilight’s eyes were felt with various visions of last night that...aren’t going to be expounded upon here. After the process was done, Twilight pulled away with a somber look on her face while Rarity licked her lips, both of their cheeks flushed. “Well,” Rarity said, “he appeared to be a perfect gentlecolt.” Twilight nodded slowly. “And I did really Royally Decree him to deflower me…” Trixie raised an eyebrow. “I’ll be the judge of that. Let me see.” Rarity giggled, trotted towards Trixie, and touched her horns to Trixie’s. Visions flashed through Trixie’s eyes. When they were done, Rarity pulled away, Trixie now blushing with a wide eyed look of shock on her face. “See anything you like?" Rarity asked demurely. Trixie shook her head. “Did you see the size of that thing!? It was like a Ponyville Slugger!” Rarity licked her lips. “I know.” Trixie touched her hoof to her forehead. “But that...it shouldn’t…” Trixie said as she turned her head towards Twilight. “Are you in any pain right now?” Twilight shook her head. “Why would I be in pain?” Trixie’s jaw dropped. “Did you see the size of that thing!?” Twilight sighed. “Yes, I saw the size of ‘that thing’,” she said as she turned to her desk and continued her writing. Trixie blinked. “And you don’t understand why you shouldn’t be able to walk right now!?” Rarity raised an eyebrow. “She is an alicorn, after all.” Trixie looked at the ground. “I know, but…” she stammered. She then looked at Twilight. “How do you become an alicorn?” Twilight shrugged. “I don’t know. It seemed kind of random, to be honest.” Trixie swung her hoof. “Drat!” Quill then cleared his throat from the ceiling, upon which everypony looked up. “Now that I’ve been exonerated, could somepony let me down from here?” Twilight sighed. “Fine,” she said as her horn glowed, releasing Quill from the ceiling while simultaneously rendering him a slave to gravity. He fell screaming to the ground and hit it with a loud thud. Quill stood up and glared at Twilight. Twilight blushed. “I’m sorry about the misunderstanding. I hope you enjoyed your stay at Ponyville.” Quill huffed. “Oh yes, this day has just been perfect,” he said as he trotted out the door. Trixie snorted. “Well, that could’ve gone better.” Twilight sighed. “Well, it also could have gone a lot worse.” Rarity chortled. “Well, it seems to have worked out anywho,” she said as she slung the saddlebag onto the library desk. “Well, this is why I came here.” Twilight eyed the saddlebag, opened it, and peered inside. She then looked up at Rarity. “Why did you give me the leftover drugs?” Rarity shook her head. “Because, you’re the most responsible and least likely to abuse them.” “Eh,” Twilight said as she closed the saddlebag and slid it under the desk. “So, what are the other girls up to?” “Well,” Rarity said, “Applejack and Vinyl are counting the revenue from the event—apparently Vinyl’s good at counting things—while Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Shining Armor are cleaning up.” Twilight giggled at the thought of her brother picking up plastic cups and refuse. “So what’s Fluttershy up to?” Rarity nodded. “She and Discord are packing for her job.” Trixie smacked her forehead. “Oh, crap, I completely forgot! We’re supposed to be leaving today to promote the Plxyr!” Trixie said as she dashed out of the library, Rarity and Twilight watching. When she left, Rarity turned to Twilight. “So,” Rarity asked, “how was he?” Twilight looked up. “Well, he seemed patient and understanding, so that’s a plus.” Twilight then giggled sadly. “But I don’t think we’ll be seeing him anytime soon due to the way I treated him.” Rarity tutted and put a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. “There, there, no need to worry. These things happen sometimes. Why,” she said as she lifted her hoof from Twilight’s shoulder and faced away, “I bet he’ll be writing you in no time once he realizes how terribly frightened you were!” Twilight raised an eyebrow. “You sure?” Rarity chuckled. “To borrow a phrase from Applejack, ‘I’d bet the farm on it!’” Both girls smiled at that. “Thank you, Rarity,” Twilight said. Rarity nodded. “My pleasure, Twilight.” ---- Princesses Celestia and Luna trotted into the lobby of Transpicuous Pharmaceuticals, their hooves clacking against the shining brown tile, Obsidian Shield trailing. They set their eyes upon a polished maple desk where a yellow unicorn mare with an orange mane was writing something. The Princesses trotted up to the desk and waited patiently, Obsidian groaning with impatience. The unicorn finished her writing, then looked up to see the alicorns and smiled. “Hello, I’m Spring Step. What can I help you three with today?” Luna leaned over to Celestia and whispered, “She didn’t bow.” Celestia leaned into her sister and whispered back, “I know, and it’s a wonderful change of pace.” Celestia then disengaged herself from her sister and looked Spring Step directly in the eyes. “Hello, Spring Step. We are here for our appointment with Red Umbra.” Spring Step nodded, then pulled out an appointment book. “Ah, let’s see here,” she said while scanning down the page, “June second at ten o’clock...Princesses Celestia and Luna!” she finished with a smile. “I’ll just call her right down to greet you herself!” She then pressed a button attached to a box and spoke into the box, “Red Umbra, your ten o’clock is here.” She then lifted her hoof off of the button and stared expectantly at it. Celestia and Luna stared at the box, while Obsidian sighed. Spring Step looked at the box, then pressed the button again. “Red Umbra, your ten o’clock is here.” She then lifted her hoof off of the button again. Spring Step looked up apologetically at the two royals. “I’m sorry, she’s usually in her office by now.” Celestia smiled and nodded. “That’s fine, Spring Step, we’ll just wait here.” Luna looked up at her sister. “We will?” Obsidian Shield looked up as well. “We will?” Celestia smiled warmly. “Don’t worry, everypony. We scheduled this a month in advance. If Red Umbra is late, I’m sure there’s a very good reason. You don’t get to be CEO of a corporation based on a foundation of irresponsibility.” “That’s right!” Spring Step called out before being shut up by a glare from Luna. Celestia giggled. “Well, then, why don’t we all have a seat?” Luna and Obsidian Shield nodded and sat down at the table and all picked up magazines. Celestia picked up a copy of Ponies and started leafing through. Luna grasped a copy of Manehattanite and perused the articles inside. Obsidian grasped a golfing magazine and read it boredly. Two hours had passed and Celestia was seated patiently, Luna was passed out on the ground with the magazine tented over her muzzle, and Obsidian Shield had learned quite a bit on how to improve his short game. Celestia and Obsidian Shield faced the hallway when they heard the hurried clacking of hooves coming down it to reveal a crimson pegasus with a black mane and tail. She smiled and bowed to Celestia, who smiled and nodded in return. Celestia nudged Luna with her magic, who snapped awake, the magazine slipping to the floor as she shot up. “Wha?” Luna said. She then locked her gaze with Red Umbra, her eyes narrowing. “You dare to disrespect royalty?” Red Umbra lifted from her bow and shook her head. “I would never intentionally deign to disrespect royalty. You must imagine me a rogue of the highest caliber,” she apologized while blushing. Luna’s eyebrows lifted in surprise at the familiar word she had just used as she stood up. “Yes, I must admit you seem to have played the rapscallion.” Celestia smiled as she stood up, Obsidian Shield standing up as well. Celestia smiled at Red Umbra. “Hello, Red Umbra,” she said, “it’s nice to finally meet you.” Red Umbra bowed again, then lifted herself. “Nonsense, your serene highness, the pleasure is all mine.” “Why were you late?” Luna shout out. Celestia glared at Luna. “Luna, don’t be rude!” Celestia admonished her sister, whose gaze remained steadfast on Red Umbra. Red Umbra chuckled. “I understand your concern, Luna. But I assure you that that I have a perfectly reasonable explanation for my tardiness.” Luna kept staring at Red Umbra. “And what reason would that be?” Red Umbra winced. “I suffered a bout of vertigo this morning from eating some bad catfish.” Celestia chuckled. “I understand. Catfish tends to repeat on me.” Luna’s gaze finally softened. “Fine. I accept your reason.” Celestia smiled. “Now that we have all that unpleasantness out of the way, I believe you were going to give us a tour of your operation?” Red Umbra nodded. “Of course. Right this way,” she said as she trotted towards the elevator, Celestia, Luna, and Obsidian following. When they reached it, Red Umbra opened it with a flick of her wing, motioning the unicorn and two alicorns inside, whereupon she entered and closed the door. She then pushed the lever inside to the left, which caused the elevator to jerk and slowly descend. Red Umbra turned to face the alicorns with a smile. “You’ve never seen anything like this, Princesses,” she said, “I guarantee this’ll knock you dead.” Celestia smiled and nodded. “We’ll take your word for it.” Luna nodded as well. “Indeed.” Obsidian Shield, however, groaned and rolled his eyes..