Me and Blossom sat together on a bed located in the sections where the private quarters for some of the revolutionists without homes live. She has fallen asleep, and I lay awake.
How did we get here, you ask?
After I came into River's private sleeping quarters and saw Blossom, River said that they could not let us go back home, but seeing our situation she said that it would be better if we didn't sleep on the floor all night.
Yep. And after that, me and Blossom were whisked away to this room and they locked the door. It's sort of a, comfier prison, so to speak. So, here we are.
But I did not take comfort in this bed, this room. I do not think that I could take comfort in anything ever again. Because after my realization, I found myself mad at everything. I wanted to destroy the world, I wanted to make every single pony pay. I wanted to bathe in their blood. Except Blossom, of course. But I didn't kill every pony on site, because it is not their fault. It is some pony else's, and I hate that mysterious pony with all of my mechanical parts.
And who am I now? What am I?
Am I still my former self? The blind unicorn stallion named Star Dusk?
Or am I still Broken, the Robot Unit who is different than all the others?
Who am I? Because not even I have the answers. And I feel like I want to die. To shrivel out of existence.
I. Want. To. Die.
*************************
I wasn't really asleep. How could I sleep? Because in one single day my whole life has been turned upside down. Nothing felt the same as it once did. Even Broken, after his rage, had a different vibe of emotions in the air around him. Being so close to him while lying on this bed, I could feel all of his emotions filtering into me as well. He is the well. And I am his bucket.
Despair. He feels this emotion. And sadness, and loss. And anger. The anger he feels radiates out from him like a flowing mountain stream. And since I am his bucket, where all of his emotions go, I feel it too.
Yes. I am angry. I am angry at the whole world. I am angry at the cruel, sick, twisted joke that the universe is playing on me. And trust me, it is not funny. I wish I could go and rip the universe's little head off! And I will watch, with pleasure, as it bleeds to death, its thick red blood covering my hooves. And I will laugh.
Because
I. Want. To. Die.
**************************
She was my best friend. And now she is gone. She left me for some stupid junk pile not worth anything. So what does she see in him? A friend? No. He is an enemy. They ALL are the enemy. Him and every last one of his kind.
So then why did she leave me, for, for, that thing?
Even after all that we had been through together, she left me. She ripped out my heart. And I don't think that I will be getting it back anytime soon.
Me and Blossom met when she was only eight, and I was nine. At that time, we both lived on the side where the sun never sets. And we both went to the same school. Usually, at that age, we colts think that fillies are absolute stink brains, that they are gross and that they have cooties. And that was the attitude I started out with that first day of school. Fillies were gross to me. Every last one of them. They were icky, slimy, dirty little fuzz balls. The fillies probably thought the same thing about us colts, but whatever.
But then I passed a filly in the hallway that I did not think was so gross. I found myself captivated by her long brown and pink, and slightly curly, mane. And her green eyes, like emeralds shining through the dirt, locked with my purple ones. We stood there for a moment, staring at each other, until the teachers ushered us into different class rooms. But for the rest of the day, I could not stop thinking about her. I thought about her while doing math. I thought about her while learning history. I thought about her when eating the cafeteria food. I even thought about her while throwing up said cafeteria food. (I know it's gross) But I just couldn't get her out of my mind. Her image was like a parasite. It ate away at all things on my mind until there was only one thing there: her face.
But when I had lost all hope of seeing her again, I saw her while she was exiting the school building at the end of the day. So I gathered up my nerves, and trotted up to her.
"Hi." And my voice totally cracked. I cleared my throat and said again, "Hi."
She giggled. "Hi. What's your name?" Her voice sounded like flowing silk.
"T, Tornado."
"Hi, Tornado. I'm Blossom Wing."
And then I was hooked.
But I never told her about how I really felt. Not even when her father killed himself and she needed to hear something like that. I didn't tell her.
And then I joined the revolution. Not only did I want our government and the Robot Units to leave, but the revolution also was like my escape. A chance to think and plan about other things, and not how I plan to tell Blossom Wing how I felt or thinking about how I failed in telling her.
And she obviously does not feel the same way. She didn't pay her fee back of me comforting her, protecting her, and even rejoicing with her when she got her cutie mark. A pink blossom with wings. She loves to fly. So what could be better?
But now, as I am heading home, back to my drunk mother and gambling father, I felt that all hope was lost. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the golden locket that I carry with me everywhere. Blossom does not know that I have this. I popped it open and stared, longingly and lovingly at the picture. It was me and her. We were hugging and laughing. And now I suddenly hate it.
I reared my hoof back and threw it as hard as I could.
I. Want. To. Die.
********************
Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?
If I could cry, I think I would.
*********************
It's all a lie. It's all a lie. My life is just a lie.
I would cry, but then Broken would know that I am only faking being asleep.
***********************
She hates me. She hates me. She hates me.
And now I am crying. And I don't care.