I had never imagined I’d see the day Discord would be frozen in fear. It wasn’t an impossible image, Twilight had written about how horrified the spirit had been when they imprisoned him a second time. ‘The poor dear.’ Both Twilight and I had been gleeful at the time, but now…I regret feeling so.
The two of us were currently standing outside the Apple’s front door. I didn’t think Discord would freeze up like he was. ‘Thankfully, he didn’t literally freeze up.’
“Are you going to knock anytime soon?” I asked him, breaking the silence.
“Err…,” I could swear that he was sweating just now. “Maybe.”
I sighed. It was understandable that he’d be nervous. ‘Courting your one true love is simply nerve racking.’ “Just knock on the door, Discord.”
Discord glanced at me. “But Candy, I don’t wanna.”
I raised an eyebrow, wondering what the hay he was whining about now. “Why?”
Discord raised a sign that said 'I told you not to ask me that'. As I rolled my eyes, he held up another sign 'but I'll tell you anyway.' “Manual labor,” Discord narrowed his eyes. “In all my years, I’ve never lifted my claws to work anything more than a prank. To think I have to-“ Discord shuddered. “-work on a farm to win Applejack’s heart is a repulsive idea.”
I really shouldn’t have been surprised he wouldn’t take to this idea well. “Listen, this is but one step on the path to love,” I told him. “Besides, if this thing works out between the two of you, you’re going to be spending the next several years working on this farm.”
Discord snorted. “Oh please, I have much better things to do with my time.”
I pointed a hoof at him accusingly. “See, that’s the attitude that throws a mare off. Spending time with her is important if you want a relationship to work. A life on the farm isn’t going to kill you.”
And just like that, in Discord’s place was a large gravestone with the words ‘Here lies Discord, Killed by farm life’.
I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. ‘Drama prince.’ “Okay, knock it off.”
In a flash, Discord stood before me. “Kill my joy, why don’t you.” The god of chaos was pouting ever so adorably and crossing his arms. I don’t know why I found him so cute when he was grumpy. Maybe it’s because I’m not used to seeing him like that. Never the less, his puppy pout wasn’t going to make me back off him in the slightest.
“Now, knock.”
Discord raised an eyebrow. “Why don’t you knock? I’m sure Applejack will listen to you more so than me.”
I sighed. “No, just…no.”
“Why ever not?”
“Because if I do so, it’ll just pressure Applejack into giving you a chance,” I held a hoof to my heart. “She has to choose for herself, so I can’t help you directly…At least not yet.”
“Ugh,” Discord threw his hands up in despair. “Why is love so complicated? Couldn’t you just shoot us with a love beam or something?”
You know, in all the time I’ve been the princess of love, I can’t count how many times I’ve been asked that. I lost count after the first hundred. Yet, I can’t help but feel insulted, no, degraded whenever someone asked me to do…that. I know I should have stayed calm, but my anger boiled over. Smoke escaped my nostrils as I snorted in rage. My eyes pierced his very soul, causing Discord to shrink back in fear. “Never ask me that…again.”
Discord righted himself and put on a more controlled expression. I was actually surprised he could jump back so suddenly from my death glare. Even Chrysalis needed a moment to collect herself and she had quite a bit experience dealing with it, I assure you. ‘No-one calls me tubby, not even a queen.’
“It seems I touched a nerve,” Discord said. “I’m not sure if I’m happy about that.”
“You shouldn’t,” My glare was as harsh as before, but it was still present. “You can’t force love, Discord. It’s sick and wrong.”
“But aren’t love spells easy to obtain and use?”
“Yes,” my eyes looked away. I was silent for a moment, reflecting how sad that statement was true. I really hated the idea that there were books, specifically history books, that had the recipe for such things as Love Poison. It was easy to make and anypony could get their hooves on it. Well, at least they used to. When I became princess of love, I spent many an hour tracking down and destroying any such spells and potions. I had even tried to pass a law making them illegal. Until the incident in Ponyville, that law hadn’t been put into practice and my efforts were in vain.
This was one of the few times in my life that I was thankful for the CMC’s antics.
Since then, my aunt has been cracking down hard on publishers and such to rid our fair nation of the heretical stuff. I’m not one to toot my horn, but my empire is some leaps ahead of her in that regard.
“But that’s being dealt with.”
Discord rolled his eyes. “Like me?”
“No, you’re special,” I giggled, flying up to his level and patted his head like I would a pet. “You’re a special little snowflake.”
Upon hearing this, Discord chuckled and turned into a large snowflake, twice the size of my head. His face was etched on the frozen surface. The snowflake quickly grew an icy arm and grabbed a hand held mirror out of thin air. “I am, aren’t I?” The spirit checked out his new form in the mirror.
I rolled my eyes. “Yes, you are,” I said, before touching back down on the ground. “Now stop with the lame jokes and knock.” I saw him drop the mirror, which let out a loud ‘pop’ as it hit the ground and vanished, and hold his ice arm out to knock on the door. “In your regular form.”
With a flash of light, Discord was his normal self again. “I don’t see why? I bet dear sweet Applejack can’t wait to defrost me.” He waggled his eyes in an uncouth manner. I honestly never pegged Discord to be so…flirty. Maybe being trapped in stone for more than a thousand years can do that to you.
“No,” I lightly punched his side. “No defrosting.”
Discord silently grumbled. “Fine.”
I nodded, happy he was going to play by my rules…for once. Of course, I had the distinct inkling that this wouldn’t always be the case. I didn’t need to be Twilight Sparkle to figure that out. “Good, now go win your mare.”
“I will,” Discord struck a confident pose, eyeing the door like an enemy combatant.
I smiled and then winked out.
_____________________________________________________________________________
*Applejack*
“Comin',” Ah hollered when ah heard somepony knockin' at our door. My trusty hat lay on a hook near the entrance. Ah couldn’t help but wonder who it was. Ah wasn’t expecting any of my friends over and ah’m sure as wheatcakes that the rest of my family were inside. ‘It could be Ditzy with another one of her usual late packages.’ What ah found behind the door was none other than the last fella ah wanted to see.
“Howdy ya’ll,” the varmint currently known as Discord drawled out. He was wearin' a red and white, flashy cowpony suit. It looked exactly like the ones I usually see at a rodeo. “Ah thought ah’d come by an see what’s ya up ta.”
Ah glared at him, takin' a second to steel my heart against him. “Discord, stop that. Us country ponies don’t sound like that.” Ah was right too. His accent was so thick and fake ah just wanted to buck it right out of him. This wasn’t the first time ah heard ponies use it, comedians and whatnot, but ah thought Discord was better than this. ‘This just shows me that ah gave him way too much credit.’
“Ah beg ta differ, lil’ missy,” Discord ruffled my mane with one of his stinkin’ paws. I resisted the urge to break said paw, only ‘cause I knew that it would be pointless. He was chaos incarnate after all.
“Discord, did you just come over her to mess with me or what?”
“Why of course, mah dear Applejack,” Discord cupped his hands together and took a loving pose. “There’s nothin’ ah want more in life than ta be with mah darlin’.”
“Discord, I said stop that.” My hooves were just itchin' to buck him into next year.
Discord pouted. “Fine,” with a snap of his talons, he was out of that silly get up. Ah still don’t know why rodeo riders wear it in the first place. Whenever ah look at it, ah can’t help but wonder if ah should laugh or shake my head in shame. “Have it your way.”
“Thank you kindly,” I nodded. “Now, why are you on my property?”
Discord suddenly took on an expression I wasn’t expecting to see on the big lug: nervousness. “Well…” he fiddled with his claws. “I just wanted to say I was sorry.”
My eyes couldn’t get any wider than they were at this moment. Discord was apologizing? ‘Something’s not right here.’ “You’re sorry?”
“Yes,” Discord’s eyes shifted away from mine, like he was afraid to look me in the eyes. “I was wrong to try and force you to accept me like that. I should have given more thought on my approach.”
Now bein' the Element of Honesty and an Apple to boot, ah could tell right away he was being truthful. Unlike the whole plunder seed incident, which ah could tell right away that this here critter was up to no good. Still, ah eyed him with a note of suspicion. “Ah accept your apology.” As ah spoke, ah held back the urge to smile. If he was willin' to say he was sorry, there was hope for him yet. That and ah can’t help but think he was kind of cute when he was nervous…Kind of.
Discord gave me a relieved smile and hugged me tighter than Pinkie Pie. ‘How is that possible?’ “Oh, I’m so happy you forgave this poor soul.” Thankfully, he pulled back, letting me grab some much needed air. “I’m so glad you forgave this wretched soul. I don’t know what I’d do if you hated me.”
‘Probably the same thin' as always,’ Ah thought as I rolled my eyes. “Could you let me down now?” Discord set me down gently. “Thank ya kindly. Now, is that all?”
Discord booped my nose. “You’re already trying to get rid of me? How very mean of you.”
Pulling back from his finger, ah snorted. “’Course ah am. Just ‘cause you apologized doesn’t mean ah want you around.”
Discord’s ears drooped, before perking up. “Well, what if I helped around the farm?”
Panic, extreme panic. That was what ah felt. ‘Discord? Workin' here?’ Ah remembered the last time he visited my farm and ah was sure as hay not ready to go ice skatin'. Not to mention him tryin' to win my heart. “Uh, about that….” Ah rubbed the back of my head, unsure of how to explain it to him.
Leaning down on one knee, Discord bowed his head. “My dearest Applejack, I only wish to show you how much you mean to me.”
“But we barely know each other,” Ah pointed out. Hopefully, he’ll see my point soon. Ah don’t know what ah would do if he stuck around. ‘Go insane, most likely.’
Discord shrugged. “Details.”
Ah face-hooved. Ah tried to think of something, anything to make him go away, but my mind drew a blank.
Ah gave out a deep sigh. “Fine,” ah relented. Ah knew that the blasted varmint would keep hounding me until he got his way. At least he was doing somethin' constructive for once. “Ya can come work on my farm, but that’s it.”
Discord jumped up into the air and shouted “Yes!” Fireworks appeared around him. The chaos spirit started performin' some sort of victory dance. Ah couldn’t really tell what type it was. “Discord is in, baby!”
Ah instantly regretted my decision.