The Jack of All Trades

by Lord Zalgo


The Show Stoppers

“Applejack, why did you need to borrow my tools again?” Phoenix asked, motioning to the bag of tools on his back.

“Well, the ones we’ve got broke yesterday and Ah’ve got a surprise for Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.” Applejack replied as they continued to walk. Eventually, they saw the Crusaders sitting outside the farmhouse, deep in conversation.

“Ah’m back, girls! Phoenix was nice enough to lend us some tools.” Applejack said as she began to walk towards a section of the orchard them appeared to have been abandoned. The trees that surrounded them were completely bare, which explained why it didn’t appear to be tended to at all.

“Where are you takin’ us?” Apple Bloom asked.

“We’re almost there young’uns!” Applejack happily replied.

“I’ve never been here before.” Sweetie Belle said.

“Neither have I, Sweetie Belle. Looks fairly abandoned.” Phoenix said to her. They all ducked under or pushed past a large leaf which actually swung back and lightly hit Scootaloo in the face.

“Are we there yet?” Scootaloo asked.

“There? Where? What? I don’t even know what we’re doing!” Sweetie said with confusion. Applejack suddenly came to a stop.

“Here we are!” Applejack announced happily.

“What’re we lookin’ at?” Apple Bloom asked.

“I have no idea.” Scootaloo answered.

“What is that thing?” Sweetie Belle asked. Phoenix simply looked at the old treehouse that was in complete disarray. Everything about it was: old, damaged and decrepit. It was literally falling apart.

“Cutie Mark Crusaders, welcome to your new clubhouse.” Applejack announced, full of enthusiasm. The girls didn’t react other than looking at the treehouse with unenthusiastic scepticism.

“Well, don’t thank me all at once. This was mah clubhouse when Ah was your age. Sure, it hasn’t been used in a while, but its empty and on a secluded, private part of the farm. And it’s all yours!” Applejack announced proudly, but another part of the tree house crumbled and broke off after she finished speaking.

“It jus’ needs a little, uh, TLC.” Applejack said a little sheepishly.

“TLC as in ‘tender, loving care’ or ‘totally lost cause’?” Scootaloo asked rudely.

“Applejack, we’re supposed to turn this into our new clubhouse?” Apple Bloom asked, a little more politely. Applejack just leaned against the wall of the house.

“Well, maybe y’all will get your cutie marks when you discover your talent is-.” Applejack’s comment was cut off by the wall giving way and Applejack falling in and being covered by debris. Phoenix and the Crusaders leaned their heads in to see her condition.

“Hey, Applejack. Y’alright?” Phoenix asked. Applejack’s head then poked out from the pile of debris.

“-Uh… Housecleanin’?” Applejack finished. Phoenix carefully walked inside and helped her out of the pile.

“You girls can use my tools to do some rebuilding and refurnishing. I’d like to help, but I know nothing about building. I’d probably be more of a burden than an asset.” Phoenix said as he carried Applejack out.

“That’s alright, Phoenix! Ah’d like to try and do it mahself anyway.” Apple Bloom said with newfound enthusiasm.

“Then, I’m sure the clubhouse is in safe hooves. But, remember, if you need a few extra hooves, you can always ask.” Phoenix said, slipping back into councillor mode. The Crusaders nodded as Phoenix and Applejack began to walk back to the farmhouse. Applejack was being unusually quiet.

“What’s the matter, AJ?” Phoenix asked. Applejack sniffed before looking at him with a sheepish smile and a small amount of tears in her eyes.

“Oh, it’s nothin’. Ah just… Ah’ve got a lot o’ memories o’ that old tree house. Ah hated seein’ it in the state it was in.” Applejack said a little sadly.

“Applejack, if I know Apple Bloom, it won’t be in that state for long.” Phoenix said comfortingly. Applejack sighed.

“Yeah, Ah know. But, even then. Ah see it back the way it was. Ah’ll never have another adventure that started in that clubhouse.” Applejack said with depressed nostalgia. Phoenix took her hoof in his own.

“But, that doesn’t mean that there are no more adventures for you. Whether we’re fighting a goddess or surviving a sleepover, life is never that dull.” Phoenix said before wrapping his hooves around her. Applejack instantly reciprocated the action and even nuzzled her head into his neck. Tears continued to roll down her cheeks and onto Phoenix’s shoulder, but the smile on Applejack’s face proved that she was far from sad. Phoenix even felt her sniff his mane slightly, but quickly disregarded it as her simply inhaling.

After they let go of each other, Phoenix and Applejack went their separate ways. Phoenix decided to visit Cheerilee, while Applejack strangely decided to visit Rarity. As Applejack reached Carousel Boutique, the paranoia she was feeling had only heightened. She hesitated for a moment before knocking the door three times. A moment later the door opened to reveal Rarity.

“Oh! Applejack, darling. I must say that this is a surprise, albeit a pleasant one.” Rarity said with a smile.

“Hey, Rares. Ah, uh... wanna talk to you about somethin’.” Applejack said in a somewhat shaken voice. Rarity’s attitude immediately changed to one of concern.

“Well, please, come in, darling! ...What’s on your mind?” Rarity said as they both took a seat and Rarity offered Applejack some tea, to which she politely declined.

“Ah... did somethin’... really weird.” Applejack said with shame beginning to creep into her voice.

“What? What do you mean by ‘weird’?” Rarity asked.

“Well, Ah gave mah old clubhouse to the Crusaders, but it’s definitely seen better days. Seein’ it brought back old memories. Ah just made mahself sad by thinkin’ that ah’d never have another child-like adventure. When Phoenix comforted me and hugged me, Ah... Ah...” Applejack seemed to have the next words stuck in her throat.

“It’s alright. What did you do, darling?” Rarity asked soothingly. Applejack looked around before motioning Rarity to lean closer. As they both did, Applejack inhaled to try and force the words out.

“...Ah smelled his mane.” Applejack said in a surprisingly vulnerable voice. Rarity sat back onto her chair, before giving Applejack a calming, friendly smile.

“Darling, that’s not a weird thing to do. Many ponies do it.” Rarity said before taking a sip of her tea.

“R-really?! Phew. Ah thought the worst of mahself for a second there.” Applejack said with great relief.

“It does let me know something though.” Rarity said into her cup, but loud enough for Applejack to hear.

“What’s that, sugarcube?” Applejack said, the relief still giving her a slightly numb feeling throughout her body.

“That you like Phoenix as more than a friend.” Rarity said with a smirk.

And with that, all of the relief left Applejack’s system instantly.

“W-what?!” Applejack exclaimed.

“Smelling somepony’s mane is a rather obvious sign of exactly that.” Rarity answered.

“Th-th-that’s just hogwash, Rarity!” Applejack said with finality.

“Your cheeks beg to differ, darling.” Rarity said with a titter. Applejack felt her cheeks and felt that they were too warm and realised that she was blushing. A lot.

“It’s not a whole lot to go on, Rares.” Applejack replied.

“True. If it wasn’t for the fact that it’s obvious.”

“What do you mean ‘obvious’?”

“The way you talk to us and the way you talk to him are very different. You’re a lot more open around him.”

‘Phrasing. Boom!’ Rarity thought and internally giggled at her joke.

“That doesn’t mean what your sayin’ is right.” Applejack argued.

“Maybe. But, the girls and I have compared notes and you definitely act differently around him.” Rarity countered.

“Why? How did you come to that conclusion?”

“Whenever you’re around him, you’re calmer, more emotional, and dare I say it... more vulnerable than you are around anyone else.” Rarity said.

“Ah just don’t see it mahself. Try to explain what you mean.” Applejack replied, still having trouble believing what she was hearing.

“Do you remember your attitude when you competed against Rainbow Dash to be the Iron Pony?” Rarity asked, to which Applejack nodded.

“Now compare how that felt with how you felt today around Phoenix.” Applejack didn’t reply. She didn’t respond. Rarity could have sworn that she could’ve heard the wheels turning in Applejack’s head if she moved close enough. After a moment, Applejack ran out of excuses in her mind.

“Sweet Celestia... Ah... like Phoenix. W-what am Ah gonna do?!” Applejack began to panic.

“Applejack, darling! Why are you so stressed all of a sudden?!” Rarity asked in shock.

“Ah’ve never liked anypony like this before! A-A-A-Ah don’t know what to do!” Applejack continued to panic.

“Didn’t you have a boyfriend?”

“Well, yeah. But, it never felt this...” Applejack’s sentence stopped suddenly. Rarity looked at her curiously.

“This... what?” Rarity asked.

“This... good. It feels... good. It feels natural. It feels... right.” Applejack said with a slightly teary smile as her heart was beating a mile a minute. Rarity began to express her giddiness for the farmer’s feelings.

“It feels right to like Phoenix?” Rarity asked happily, hoping for the answer she wanted to hear. Applejack looked through her memories of the stallion as a truly happy, serene smile emerged on her face.

“...Yeah.” Applejack said quietly. Rarity enveloped Applejack in a hug as she squealed in delight. Applejack chuckled as she returned to hug.


Phoenix walked with Cheerilee and Twilight towards the library as the two mares conversed.

“I’d like to thank you again for allowing me to place a talent show poster in your library, Miss Sparkle.” Cheerilee said gratefully.

“It’s fine, Cheerilee. And you can call me ‘Twilight’, you know.” Twilight replied kindly.

“Of course. I’m looking forward to the talent show, though.” Cheerilee said happily.

“I agree. I wonder what each of the acts will do.” Phoenix continued. As they entered the library, Spike gave them a quick and frantic message.

“I had nothing to do with this.”

“What is going on here?” Twilight demanded. On the other side of the room, the Crusaders were neck-deep in a mountain of books.

“Well, we sure aren’t gettin’ our cutie marks of bein’ librarians.” Apple Bloom said irritated.

“Huh. I should think not.” Spike said rudely, clearly annoyed at their antics. Twilight gave Spike a death glare for his comment.

“What?” Spike asked.

“Girls, I think you're going about this the wrong way. Instead of trying to do things in areas you're not familiar with; why not try doing things in areas that you already like?” Twilight said.

“And I have the perfect place to start.” Cheerilee continued. She reached into her saddlebag and unrolled the talent show poster on the ground for the girls to see. They gathered around it as they read it aloud.

“’Showcase your talents...’” Apple Bloom read.

“’...for all to see.’” Scootaloo continued.

“’Perform in the Ponyville school talent show!’” Sweetie Belle finished excitedly.

“There'll be all sorts of awards. Best dramatic performance, best comedy act, best magic act... Surely you can find your talent.” Cheerilee said happily. The Crusaders then began to list things that they could do for the show, steadily growing more and more ludicrous and dangerous.

“My little ponies! You're missing the point. Think about the things you already enjoy doing. Think about what you're already good at.” Twilight hinted.

“Sure! We can do that.” Scootaloo said.

“Yeah! Sure we can.” Sweetie agreed.

“Well, whatever we do, we'll do it as...” Apple Bloom started.

“THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!!” They ended together.

“Actually girls, I was wondering if you’d allow three of your classmates to join you.” Phoenix propositioned.

“Why?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“Well, nopony else wanted them in their groups. Would you mind having them as part of your performance?” Phoenix explained.

“Well, who are they?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon and Dinky Doo.” Phoenix said calmly.

“What?! The new kid and the bullies?! No way!” Scootaloo said rudely to the rest of the Crusaders’ agreement. Twilight and Cheerilee were quite surprised to see the sudden change in the fillies.

“Now, girls. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon have stopped bullying you, haven’t they?” Phoenix said.

“They’re probably just planning something really mean!” Sweetie squealed.

“They’ve come to me on several occasions asking for the right way to apologise to you. This is a great chance for everypony to put aside their differences.” Phoenix persisted.

“We’re not lettin’ ‘em join.” Apple Bloom said with finality. Phoenix finally glared angrily at the girls causing them to flinch.

“Girls, you may not realise it, but you are the bullies in this situation.” Phoenix said coldly, causing the girls to look confused and a bit offended. Before they could retort, Phoenix continued.

“Not only are you denying two girls the chance to apologise to you and holding them responsible for things that they are no longer doing to you, but you’re also refusing to let a lonely filly that’s new to the class from feeling like she belongs with us. Think about it. I pray you make the right decision in the end.” Phoenix said before walking out of the library without another word. He walked through town for a few minutes to calm himself down. He sat down on a bench to collect his emotions, but about half an hour after he left the library, a grey-coated mare with a blonde mane and tail and a cluster of bubbles for a cutie mark clumsily flew towards him.

“Are you Mr Fortesque?” Ditzy asked Phoenix, unsure if she had the right pony.

“Yes, Miss Doo, I’m Phoenix Fortesque. What can I help you with?” Phoenix asked. Ditzy suddenly hugged the stallion in a surprisingly strong grip.

“I don’t know what you did, but some fillies just let my little Dinky join their group for the talent show! You should have seen her little eyes light up!” Ditzy said with slightly watery eyes. When she finally released the stallion, he looked at Ditzy in the eyes with a bit of confusion.

“Really? Can you tell me who these fillies were? How many of them were there?” Phoenix asked, not reacting to her eyes, as he knew she didn’t like it when ponies did it.

“I didn’t recognise them. There were five of them, though.” Ditzy replied, a little surprised that he hadn’t mentioned anything about her eyes yet.

‘Five? Maybe...’ Phoenix began to ponder what that could mean before turning back to Ditzy.

“Did they mention where they were going to plan their act?” Phoenix asked.

“Hmm... One of them mentioned ‘their new clubhouse’, but they didn’t say where.” Ditzy said, disappointed in herself for not being able to help Phoenix. She was a little surprised when he suddenly smiled.

“They didn’t have to, Miss Doo. I know where they are. Thank you.” Phoenix said with a friendly smile. Ditzy smiled back, suddenly happy that she’d done something right. Ditzy then flew away to get to her job interview. Phoenix then quickly headed to Sweet Apple Acres. After twenty minutes of walking he came to the same abandoned clearing to see a completely refurbished clubhouse done to a professional standard. Below it, sat six fillies discussing what they should do for their act. They weren’t arguing, though. Just discussing.

“Alright, I guess singing is our best bet, then.” Scootaloo said.

“U-um... I-I’m not the best singer.” Dinky Doo said hesitantly.

“It’s okay, Dinky, I’m not either.” Silver Spoon said comfortingly, warranting a smile from the grey filly.

“Twilight said we should do things that we want to do. I don’t know if I want to sing.” Sweetie Belle said nervously. Phoenix walked towards the group, causing the Crusaders to immediately look nervous. However, his serene smile quickly calmed them down.

“How’s it coming along?” Phoenix asked.

“We’ve decided to sing, but we can’t find the best singer among us.” Diamond Tiara said politely.

“Yeah. Sweetie’s a shoe-in, but she just doesn’t wanna sing.” Apple Bloom agreed. The girls seemed to be at peace with each other as there seemed to be no hostility between any of them.

“Well, why don’t all of you sing? If you can’t sing as well as somepony else, you can duet with said pony.” Phoenix said. The girls looked between each other, casting a silent vote before speaking.

“All in favour of that idea, raise your hoof.” Scootaloo said, which was met with everypony in the group raising their hooves.

“Motion approved. Actually, we could do everything together!” Scootaloo said excitedly as Phoenix began to walk away, feeling nothing but pride for the girls. Especially the Crusaders.

The weekend seemed to blur until finally, the day of the talent show arrived. Phoenix assisted in setting the stage and the whole show up. He sat at the main desk as he allowed each group to sign up for their time slot in the show. Eventually, he saw a group of six fillies approach the desk.

“Hi, Mr Fortesque. We’re here.” Sweetie Belle said for the group.

“Hello, girls. It seems you’re the final act. May I ask what it is?” Phoenix asked with a kind smile.

“Well, we’re all singin’ a song that Sweetie wrote and dancin’ a routine that Scootaloo designed.” Apple Bloom explained. Phoenix was a little surprised.

“I thought you were all going to chip in. What’s the song about?” Phoenix commented.

“Well, we were, but the lyrics that Sweetie came up with were better than anything we had. She agreed that she would write the song.” Silver replied.

“After seeing that our group was made up of different types of ponies, it’s about how ponies should treat each other equally.” Sweetie explained.

‘And with that, my faith in ponykind was just restored.’ Phoenix thought.

“That sounds great, girls. Best of luck.” Phoenix said with a smile. The girls continued to walk backstage as Phoenix walked to the judge’s desk in front of the stage. Act after act, Phoenix and Cheerilee marked down their scores and introduce the next one. Finally, Cheerilee introduced the final act. Sweetie Belle walked out to centre stage and stood motionless until a loud, fast beat blasted from the speakers.


You can't stop an avalanche
As it races down the hill
You can try to stop the seasons, girl
But ya know you never will
And you can try to stop my dancin' feet

But I just cannot stand still
Cause the world keeps spinnin'
Round and ‘round
And my heart's keeping time
To the speed of sound
I was lost ‘til I heard the drums
Then I found my way


Cause you can't stop the beat

Dinky Doo galloped onto the stage and began to duet with Sweetie Belle.

Ever since this old world began
A woman found out if she shook it
She could shake up a man
And so I'm gonna shake and shimmy it
The best that I can today

'Cause you can’t stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the sun in the sky
You can wonder if you wanna
But I never ask why

And if you try to hold me down
I'm gonna spit in your eye and say
That you can’t stop the beat!

Dinky Doo and Sweetie Belle ran to the side of the stage while Scootaloo and Silver Spoon ran to centre stage.

You can't stop a river
As it rushes to the sea

You can try and stop the hands of time
But ya know it just can't be

And if they try to stop us, pony,
I'll call the N Double A C P
Cause the world keeps spinning
Round and 'round (‘Round and ‘round)
And my heart's keeping time
To the speed of sound (Speed of sound)
I was lost ‘til I heard the drums
Then I found my way

Cause you can't stop the beat

Ever since we first saw the light
A man and woman liked to shake it
On a Saturday night
And so I'm gonna shake and shimmy it
With all my might today

'Cause you can’t stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the rain from above
You can try to stop the paradise
We're dreamin' of
But you cannot stop the rhythm
Of two hearts in love to stay
Cause you can’t stop the beat!

Silver and Scootaloo joined Sweetie Belle and Dinky Doo on the side of the stage as Diamond Tiara took to the stage.

You can’t stop my happiness
Cause I like the way I am
And you just can't stop my knife and fork
When I see some cakes and jam
so if you don't like the way I look
Well, I just don't give a damn!

Cause the world keeps spinning
Round and 'round
And my heart's keeping time
To the speed of sound
I was lost ‘til I heard the drums
Then I found my way

'Cause you can’t stop the beat

Ever since this old world began
A woman found out if she shook it
She could shake up a man
And so I'm gonna shake and shimmy it
The best that I can today

Cause you can't stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the sun in the sky
You can wonder if you wanna
But I never ask why
And if you try to hold me down
I'm gonna spit in your eye and say
That you can’t stop the beat!

Diamond joined the girls before they all began to dance in exact synchronicity with hoof shuffles, stomps and a twirl or two. Apple Bloom finally emerged and prepared to sing as the music started to pick up towards a finale.

Oh oh oh
You can't stop today
As it comes speedin’ down the track
Girl, yesterday is hist'ry
And it's never coming back

'Cause tomorrow is a brand new day
And we’ll find out what we lack

'Cause the world keeps spinning
'Round and 'round
And my heart's keeping time
To the speed of sound
I was lost ‘til I heard the drums
Then I found my way
'Cause you can’t stop the beat

Ever since we first saw the light
A man and woman liked to shake it
On a Saturday night
And so I'm gonna shake and shimmy it
With all my might today
'Cause you can't stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the rain from above
They can try to stop this paradise
We're dreaming of
But you can't stop the rhythm
Of two hearts in love to stay
You can't stop the beat!

The girls all gathered on the stage and continued to dance as they all took a respective microphone.

Aah, aah, aah
Aah, aah, aah
Aah, aah, aah


And you can't stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the rain from above
You can try to stop the paradise
We're dreaming of
But you cannot stop the rhythm
Of two hearts in love to stay
'Cause you can't stop the beat
You can't stop the beat!!
You can't stop the beat!!
You can't stop the beat!!
You can't stop the beat!!

The girls and the audience were silent except for the deep breaths by the performers. Until Phoenix began to applaud. Followed by Cheerilee. Then Applejack. Then the rest of the crowd followed suit. The fillies bowed as they walked off of the stage. After the awards ceremony, Phoenix met up with Applejack, Rarity and Rainbow Dash to see the girls. As they arrived, everypony was silent as the fillies were staring at three flanks.

That were no longer bare.

Apple Bloom’s flank had a symbol of a red apple with a black musical note in front of it. Sweetie Belle’s flank had a symbol of an unrolled scroll with a quill writing on it. Scootaloo’s flank had a symbol of a few horseshoe symbols in a position of dance steps. The Cutie Mark Crusaders...

...had succeeded.