102.1 (Kris Overstreet)
"... and arrangements have been made for you to stay-"
"In the library, I know, I know," Twilight muttered. Another Lonely Loop, apparently baseline.
"Um... what? Who lives in a public library?" Spike asked. "No, Princess Celestia apparently rented a room from Mr. and Mrs. Cake at a place called Sugar Cube Corner."
Twilight Sparkle's brain jumped the tracks. Not living in the library? Twilight ALWAYS lived in the library. A Loop had to go a long way off of baseline for her to not live in that poor doomed library.
But... wait...
It wasn't her library anymore.
And if it wasn't hers anymore... maybe it wasn't doomed anymore.
Twilight thought she felt the smile of hope spread across her face. Spike's reaction told her it was an entirely different smile, and she struggled to shape it into a more reassuring shape.
Still, she felt so bucking cheerful that she smiled and waved her way through the entire Summer Sun Celebration preparations. The surprise Pinkie party was especially fun this time, and she capped it off with a defeat of Nightmare Moon through the calculated use of two fresh eggs, three teaspoons of salt, a net made of used chewing gum, and a slingshot.
"Twilight," Carrot Cake said quietly, "we've enjoyed having you stay with us the past year. You've been almost as helpful as Pinkie Pie. But, well..." The elder stallion shuffled his feet uncomfortably. "The foals are about to arrive, and we need your room for the nursery. So I'm afraid we have to ask you to move out."
"I understand, Mr. Cake," Twilight nodded. In truth she felt a bit relieved. As much as she enjoyed the idea of the library not blowing up, she hadn't wanted to bring doom and destruction to Sugar Cube Corner, either.
"Now, we didn't want to leave you high and dry," Cup Cake said, putting a hoof on Twilight's shoulder. "We already arranged for the Princess's living stipend to go towards an apartment in the new high-rise they built right next to the town library! That'll be so convenient for you!"
"You'll have your own kitchen and bathroom and everything!" Carrot Cake said. "No more waiting for Pinkie Pie to clean out the ring Gummy leaves in the tub!"
As nice as the theory was, the first thing Twilight Sparkle discovered when she entered her new apartment was Pinkie taking a bath. The fresh cucpcakes in the kitchen made up for it, though.
Tirek's fireball brushed past Twilight Sparkle's wingtip, singing a couple of primaries before rocketing into Ponyville.
Twilight's jaw dropped as she realized the fireball's arc would take it to the center of the town... and Sugar Cube Corner.
Two hurried teleports later, Twilight had all four of the Cake family under her hooves when the fireball struck. Sugar Cube Corner was blown to pieces, the largest being the heavy fireproof roof, which flew off into the air and across the city.
Rising up, Twilight watched as the tile roof slammed into the top of her brick apartment building. The tall structure rocked, swayed, and crumbled at the base, finally falling over onto its side.
The top four stories hit the oak-tree library and smashed it flat.
The general good feeling she'd had the entire Loop didn't evaporate. It inverted. It folded in upon itself in emotional Escher shapes, collapsing into the fury of far too many Loops' worth of frustrated anger.
Twilight flew into the air, gathering raw power between her hooves. The syllables she chanted crashed against the Equestrian landscape like the footsteps of a giant wearing house slippers.
"KA... ME... HA... ME..."
Not long after, Princess Luna caused a small plaque to be raised on the moon. It read:
NIGHTMARE MOON
Sent to the Moon by the magic of the Elements of Harmony
TIREK
Got here the hard way
102.2 (Compiled by Masterweaver)
(yannoshka)
"Ok, new round...The most interesting loop where old man Henderson, or variation thereof appeared."
Spike massaged his temples as he went on first.
"Old Sullustan Henderson - and yes it was as weird as it sounds. To start with he single-handedly stole ol' wrinkleface's personal yacht from Coruscant, somehow manged to run it by himself all around the galaxy searching for Tarkin until he more or less stumbled to them just before they were going to blow up Alderaan and proceeded to purposefully crash it into mk I Death Star, all the while raving over all the com channels about his 'wee people'. I'll leave it to your imaginations how it went from there..."
(namar13766)
Sunset looked slightly shifty.
"Old Mare Granny Smith. She trained Tank to become a Changeling-hunting ninja, took over the Crystal Empire by using the Crystal Heart and singing 'The Touch,' and she used your library, as a physical weapon, to knock Tirek back into Tartarus. And before you ask Twilight, no, it wasn't destroyed, and you weren't Awake for that loop."
Big Mac had a thousand yard stare.
"Old Mare Granny Smith stopped a G3.5 Bureau loop."
(FanOfMostEverything)
Shining Armor smiled, though it didn't reach his eyes. "None of you have ever been Ultraman Henderson."
The bar fell silent as everypony contemplated this. Finally, Twilight asked, "DC or Tokusatsu?"
"The latter." Shining shook his head and took a long draw from his beer. "Lawn gnomes should not be an indispensable weapon in the fight against evil."
Discord snorted. "Says you."
(misterq)
"Weeell, I was in a loop where old man Henderson appeared," Pinkie Pie exclaimed.
"Let me guess," Twilight spoke up, "You were Hastur."
"I was totally Hastur," Pinkie nodded with a smile, "I had my party cult help him get his lawn gnomes back from the evil charity auction that he had donated them to. There were fun times and explosions and malevolent girl scouts everywhere. Then we had a rock n' roll dance party together followed by ice skating."
"That's... interesting," the lavender unicorn said diplomatically.
"The only problem was that they didn't have any ice skates in a size shoggoth."
(KrisOverstreet)
"Er..."
Every head turned to look at Fluttershy.
"I don't know what Loop it was," the yellow pegasus murmured. "I was in a cafe in a London suburb. There was sort of a... thing... a lot of voices in my mind. I didn't quite understand, so I sat down in a cafe, ordered some tea, and tried to think it through.
"And then these great ugly black ships appeared in the sky and just hovered there. Everybody began to panic except for this one person at the table next to mine, who pulled this beepy thing out of a satchel and waved it in the air. And then there was this booming voice that said..."
Fluttershy took a breath, and her whispery murmur shifted to bold, brassy, loud tones that almost knocked her fellow Loopers off their flanks. "SO, YEZ DAFTIE GOBSHITE EARTHLIN'S, WHAT'S YEZ DOON WI' ME GNOMES?!"
As the others recovered, Fluttershy continued in her normal voice, "Right after that I was swept up in this transporter beam and onto one of the ships. Turns out they were from the planet Hin-Dursa. The voice we heard was their leader... the Old Man of the Hin-Dursan."
A few groans echoed through the room. Twilight asked, "So what happened next?"
"Well, my new friend and I went straight to the Old Man so I could give him a piece of my mind," Fluttershy said. "After all, it's not nice to threaten the destruction of a planet, no matter how nice one's missing garden gnomes are. But just as the Old Man was apologizing, his hand slipped and he hit the attack button." Fluttershy shrugged. "He was very sorry about it afterwards. He's actually quite nice when he's not... er... plastered," she finished in an embarrassed squeak.
"And... that's all?" Rainbow Dash folded her forelegs across her barrel. "That's not very interesting!"
"Oh, the interesting part came afterwards!" Fluttershy said eagerly. "The Old Man dropped us off at the next star over. There I was able to talk some very nice dolphins into replacing the Earth at just the right moment so that nobody even got hurt. I wrote an article about it, and an editor read it and offered me a job!
"I got to spend the next ten years, not counting time travel, researching all sorts of new planets and cataloging new life forms! That's where I got the idea for my encyclopedia of Equestrian animals! I learned how to speak with ballpoint pens and mattresses! It was so interesting working for the great Book!"
"But all Old Man Henderson did was invade Earth and blow it up with an alien battle fleet, right?" Rainbow Dash insisted. "No weird weapons? No strange coincidences? No absurd levels of collateral damage? That's boring! Anypony could do that!"
"The dare didn't say Henderson had to be the interesting part of the Loop," Fluttershy insisted. "It only asks about the most interesting Loop we've had that had Henderson in it."
The general shifting of chairs and lack of attention showed that Fluttershy's argument had been weighed and rejected by the judges.
"Well, I thought it was interesting," she muttered.
"So do I!" Twilight insisted, smiling. "What's this great Book you were working for?"
"Oh, you know the Book!" Fluttershy insisted. "Everyone knows about the Book!"
"Which book?"
"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy!"
"Oh, that thing," Twilight said, turning her attention to the next Looper's story.
Fluttershy pouted and pulled her towel out of her subspace pocket. "Don't worry, Maria Terrycloth," she told it. "We still understand each other."
(feral wolfskin)
Ivory Scroll looked at the others Loopers. "Old Dragon Henderson attacked Ponyville one loop. After I managed to prove that the Changelings were the true thieves and helped to recuperate his hoard of lawn gnomes we become friends and exchanged letters for the rest of the loop." She produced a few letters from her subspace pocket "And no, nopony else was Awake that I knew."
(WyldeHorse)
"Allright, so, I know we're not supposed to talk about the Bureau, but I have to mention this one," Twilight said, taking a fortifying gulp from her cup. "So, started out pretty standard. I was getting ready to derail things, except then the serum came out early... And turned everyone that took it into an Old Mare - or Old Stallion, as the case may be - Henderson. ALL OF THEM. And then, once there's a BUNCH of Hendersons, the space zombies show up. Seriously. I just... I don't even know."
Big Mac looked at her, and slid a large tankard her way.
102.3 (misterq)
"To answer your questions, this is a peppermint pylon," Pinkie Pie patted a three-story tall candy cane, "It creates a bubble full of video game universe laws. Pain is muted and death just causes you to respawn. There might also be power-ups that appear every so often. One time, these giant flying cherries appeared and I chased them around and then suddenly I was surrounded by hungry ghosts. I giggled at them, but then a floating power candy ball appeared and I ate it and then things got weird."
"Um, I didn't ask any questions yet," Lyra sat down on the cool forest floor of Whitetail Woods. Ditzy sat across from her, looking at Pinkie as she babbled off topic.
'It's not off topic,' came the inner voice of Lyra's human self, 'She's describing the video game, 'Pacman'.'
'Apparently, there's some bleed-through from imposing another universe's laws onto this one,' said the voice of Cyborg Scientist/Master Thief Lyra, 'That's actually worrisome.'
'I think it's really neat!' piped in Seapony Lyra at the collective mind, 'You can go all out and not worry about things like dying from your own power or massive collateral damage.'
Pinkie chose this moment to finish saying what she was talking about.
"I'm sorry, can you repeat that. I was distracted by my mental constructs."
"I know how that is!" Pinkie nodded sagely, "I was saying that you asked for combat training, so I though, 'Pinkie, what's the best way to train a pony in combat in Equestria.' and that's when I cooked up the peppermint pylon and invited you and Ditzy out here. Ditzy, do you have any objections to help train Lyra?"
"Nope. It sounds fun, actually," the pegasus smiled, "And I need to blow off some steam from that last loop."
"What happened?" Lyra asked. All her inner selves were concerned about her fellow looper and friend.
"I remember unawake me getting into a fight with Berry Punch that almost cost us our friendship. I even sic-ed an unawake Pinkie Pie at her. Sorry about that, Pinkie."
"It's no problemo," the baker pony waved her hoof dismissively.
"You're still getting non-looping you's memories, Ditzy?" Lyra asked.
"Yeah, but they're not so bad. Usually."
"I still feel terrible for shoving you and Sunset and Vinyl into the loops," the mint green pony's head was bent low to the ground in sadness.
"Don't feel bad, Lyra. There's nothing to forgive. I don't mind being a looper, and neither do Vinyl and Sunset."
'Besides,' thought human Lyra with glee, 'we figured out that shape-shifting spell and then Sunset Shimmer agreed to our request. We finally got to ride on a real live unicorn!'
Baseline Lyra sighed mentally, 'We ARE a real live unicorn.'
Human Lyra humphed, 'Stop crushing our dreams!'
Pinkie chose this moment to stop observing Lyra's silently twitching face and piped up, "Any-who, to train you in fighty-fighty time; you'll battle Ditzy and then you'll get better."
"That's it?" Lyra asked.
"Yup. Pretty much," the pink pony pulled out a massive tub of popcorn out of her mane, "I'm just going to sit here and keep score."
Lyra and Ditzy looked at each other.
The unicorn spoke first, "Are you ready?"
"Sure!"
And without any warning, Lyra blasted out a concussion beam from her horn. It missed by a wide margin as Ditzy immediately rocketed up into the air and did a series of impossible looking maneuvers. Then, she folded up her wings and shot downwards right at the unicorn at peregrine falcon speeds. Lyra widened her eyes as she tried to dodge.
Lyra opened her eyes and saw that she was standing a building's length away from her own rapidly fading carcass. Ditzy lifted her clean hoof and giggled, "No mess, no fuss."
"Alright, time for round two," Lyra announced and charged, following the advice of a more direct approach from her baseline self.
Ditzy flapped her wings and accelerated right at her. Lyra saw the grey pony's wings were cutting through the air without any turbulence. That meant invisible air blades honed to a razor's sharpness by pegasus magic. She tried to dodge while putting up a kinetic shield that would hopefully block...
Lyra opened her eyes and saw both halves of her former body fading from view, "Round three."
Ditzy laughed again and nodded.
Lyra soon learned why pegasi were the predominant military arm of the three pony tribes. They were blindingly fast and if they had a little bit of open space to work with, extremely manoeuvrable. Also a pegasus' natural toughness scaled up with how fast they were going, provided they braced themselves during impact. Ironically, that meant that they could plow into the ground at terminal velocity without getting a single scratch, but an uncontrolled tumble at a much slower speed could break bones. None of that knowledge actually helped against Ditzy who, in addition to being able to create wing air blades, tornadoes, and hit with the force of a freight train, could also spit out bubbles that exploded with the force of a grenade, create bubble clones and decoys, and had an evasive flight pattern that could be considered insanely erratic at best. Lyra did remember that even in baseline, the grey pegasus was good enough to be a competitor of both the young flyers competition and in the Equestria games.
"Round I stopped counting a while ago," Lyra panted. So far the score was Ditzy, a lot; Lyra, nothing.
"Ready," the mailmare seemed to be still full of energy and having fun.
'I got an idea,' chimed in Lyra's seapony self, 'I'll need control of our unicorn magic for this.'
Lyra concentrated and felt her magic alter and twist under the seapony's guidance. Then she could sense it - water. In the air, in the soil, in her body, farther away in Ditzy, and in Pinkie and her giant slushie drink. Lyra felt the water vapor condense as two large bluish wings made of the liquid formed on the sides of her barrel. With a slow flap, the winged unicorn rose up into the air.
'I remember how magic flowed through them when we looped in as a pegasus, but..,' seapony Lyra's statement trailed off.
'I got it!' human Lyra took control of the wings and their magic. Out of all of her personalities, it was her human self that was the best in the air. Lyra did a few practice loops and maneuvers, 'This is kind of fun. Ha! I just did a barrel roll!'
'Seapony, you got control of the horn blaster. Thief, you're on shields and deflectors. Baseline, you got situational awareness and oversight,' human Lyra's mental grin turned predatory, 'Now let's get her!'
Lyra shot up into the air, blasting at her surprised and frantically evading opponent. Ditzy avoided most of the beams. One came close enough to scorch her tail while another singed a few of her primary feathers. Then she whirled around and sped right at the charging unicorn. Again, Lyra recognized the telltale signs of wing blades, but this time she concentrated into creating her own version.
Then there was no more time as the two ponies met and crossed in midair. Lyra's fluid-composed wing reformed in an instant, erasing any damage it suffered.
Ditzy's severed wing fluttered downwards in an uncontrolled spiral, followed by Ditzy, herself.
Human Lyra angled the shared body downwards to follow, 'Now, Seapony, finish her off!"
'One finisher move blast coming right up,' the seapony persona said as a massive beam blasted off towards the out of control one-winged pegasus.
Then there was a flash of light and Lyra was forcibly reminded of a certain fact. Ditzy could ascend to alicorn anytime she wanted to.
Alicorn Ditzy, now with both wings intact, stabilized her flight and glared at the oncoming beam. Then she screamed, and a rapidly expanding spherical wave of pure entropy burst forth from her body. Lyra's beam hit the oncoming wave of oblivion and winked out like a candle while the wave continued inexorably onwards.
Lyra whipped around and raced away to try and outrun the wave of nothingness, all of her selves thinking along the line of, 'Oh my frond! It's coming right at..!'
"Congratulations!" Pinkie Pie hopped in front of the newly respawned Lyra. Ditzy landed gracefully and shifted back into her pegasus form.
"Why?" Lyra said dejectedly, "I didn't win even once."
"But you did get much better at combat. That's what you wanted, right? You even made those water wings and flew."
Human Lyra started laughing, explaining that water wings were another term for those inflatable armband pool floaties that toddlers and foals used to learn to swim.
"It was fun," Ditzy stated with a smile, "and you did get better each time. I had to become an alicorn to beat you that last time."
Lyra nodded with a slowly spreading smile of her own, "It actually was fun, wasn't it. We'll definitely have to do it again sometime."
'I don't know about you three,' thought seapony Lyra, 'but I had... a blast!'
This was followed by a series of mental groans, and the thought construct of human Lyra's pillow hitting the seapony's face.
102.4 (FanOfMostEverything)
Discord Awoke, and quickly came to what he would later call Realization One: he was a pony. Not just a pony, an alicorn.
"Oh no," he muttered. Thus far, the Loops hadn't been content with merely making him an alicorn. No, there were always further complications on top of that.
The Loop memories started coming in, and with them Realization B: he was the only pony in a nation of draconequi.
"Oh no." This time it was a moan. He'd done this song and dance before, and he really wasn't looking forward to being the spirit of malicious order.
Then the memories, of which there were millennia worth, got to recent affairs, later classified as Realization Fish: this Loop, he was Prince Maelstrom. As his hurricane-symbol cutie mark indicated, he was the eye of the storm, the calm center around which draconequus culture revolved. Without him, the entire nation of Erisia would probably fly apart in a million different shades of chaos.
"Oh, sweet sycamore, no!" It was worse than Discord could've ever imagined. It was, in fact, the. Worst. Possible. Thing.
He had responsibility.
102.5 (novusordomund)
pew pew. pew pew.
Twilight Sparkle, currently a very small purple space ship, weaved back and forth, blasting the insectile enemies to pixellated dust. While she would have normally shied away at killing beings, even invading ones, she had been ensured by this loop's Admin that they were not alive, and thus killing them was a guilt-free experience. Even when one rammed into her and blew her up, she felt nothing more than a tingling sensation.
pew pew!
Twilight was surprised when one stopped and caught her into a tractor beam, taking her last ship back with it into the formation of invaders that she was fighting against. She sighed, as she heard a voice inside her head.
So, how do you enjoy this safe-loop, Thetan Sparkle?
Twilight Sparkle "looked up", for lack of a better term, to the sound of the voice.
Very well, thank you. She thought. This is one of the Loops you administrate?
Yes. This, and a few other small Loops, are my test.
Test? Twilight asked.
I am actually one of the lesser-known Admin in Yggsdrasil. Before this, my main job consisted of getting the other Admins their coffee and running messages. However, I recently convinced one of the other Admins to recommend me for a Loop or two. There was a sigh, before the conversation continued. However, I am not taken very seriously by the older Admins, and admittedly for good reason. So, this is my test. A few game safe-loops to let Anchors and Loopers relax and indulge themselves. As long as I don't blow up my Loops with hydrogen bombs or other such things that would cause stress for the Admins, they will be happy with whatever I do here.
Remind me to never let you meet Trixie. Twilight said, as she could feel her "self" respawning. But I hope you succeed, Xenu.
I do as well, Thetan Sparkle. Please remember that to keep enjoying this game, you must pay twenty-five cents per session.
Twilight would have raised an eyebrow if she could at this statement, as a chuckle went through her mind.
Do not worry. This one, as they say, is on the house.
Twilight mentally shrugged, as the three bugs detached from their formation at her.
pew pew!
102.6 (Zetrein)
It was Twilight's last night in the library, before she moved into the castle, until the plunder vine incident, and she had been up late going over this loop's plans to try saving it.
"Awaken, Twilight Sparkle! We need your aid!" Thus, she was understandably confused when somepony shook her awake.
Opening her eyes, Twilight was met with mostly blackness. Reaching over to slap her nightstand light on, she saw the clock glowing in the darkness. She had only been asleep for two hours, and the sun wasn't coming up for another three.
Bleary eyed, she turned back to the pony that had been shaking her. Sitting on her bed with her, was a very frazzled looking Princess Luna. "Please, Twilight Sparkle, you are Our only hope." She pleaded.
"First, coffee. Second, I'll help." Rubbing her eyes with her free hoof, Twilight noticed one other problem. "Third, get off me."
One long range teleport later, Twilight (and her blanket) were sitting at a table in one of Equestria's many Sunkicks. Luna rejoined her at the table, bearing the bearclaws and large cup of coffee Twilight had demanded.
As Luna sat down to cradle her own coffee cup, Twilight reflected that they must be quite the sight, one princess with obvious bed-mane wrapped in a blanket, the other looking like she'd not slept in days. Finishing her first bite, Twilight finally asked. "What happened?"
"You ascended. It all started back then, right before the coronation. All that paperwork." Luna began, looking into her mug with a distant expression. "It was just the one, just to help get us through. Then there were two, but we didn't stop them, because there was still so much work. Now... Now we're out of work to do. The things they've done with the tax code... We're currently keeping them busy with Griffonia's tax code, but it won't last.
They're not like her, not like she was. They're all intelligent, helpful, sane. We didn't even realize what was happening, not until it was... There's dozens of them now, do you understand? And they're all so... We don't know which one's the real one anymore! And neither do they!"
"Luna, calm down, you're not making sense." Reaching across the table, Twilight touched Luna's hoof. "Who's not real? What are you talking about?"
"Celestia. The Mirror Pool..."
Convincing them to let her try and find the real one, and send the rest of the Celestias back into the Pool, had been easy. Convincing them of her method, less so. But she did it, and now she stood alongside Luna on a beach, in the early morning light.
"This will work? I do not think she's ever done anything like this before, you are sure this will work?" Luna asked her, once again. She had been even more dubious of Twilight's plan than the collective Celestias had been.
"It will. I told you before, she can do this. The skill is there, even if she doesn't know she has it yet." Twilight assured, as she turned from where Pinkie had set up with some local beach colts she'd recruited. Looking out across the waves, she saw them.
"Here they come. Pinkie!" Twilight charged her horn, as she pointed at her friend. "Hit it!"
Twirling her drumsticks, Pinkie smiled as her band awaited her cue. "Ah hahahahaha, wipe out!"
The music started, and the first ever Celestial Surf-Off began.
102.7 (Masterweaver)
Trixie was busy packing up for her trip out of Trottingham when the door to her wagon burst open and a black alicorn stormed in.
"I am having very mixed feelings!" the alicorn announced, slumping onto the showmare's vanity cabinet. "You know that, Trixie? Very mixed feelings right about now."
The showmare took in the situation, glanced outside the wagon for a moment, and shut the door. "Do tell."
"You know how some loops Changelings are just 'cursed ponies?'" The alicorn snorted. "Well, this is one of those loops. Except the curse in question was made to be lifted once I felt true love."
"That's... sweet," Trixie managed.
"Yeah, sweet. All my people are celebrating now that the curse has been lifted, and the worst part! The worst part is I can't even explain why it feels so insulting!" She smacked her head against the wall. "To have my whole race reduced to a magical disease... Honestly, Trixie, I'm happy for them but their happiness is so... INFURIATING!"
Trixie nodded in understanding. "That does sound like a major conflict of interest."
"Well... at least I still have you to talk to."
"Yes. You do." Trixie cleared her throat awkwardly. "If you don't mind me asking.... who are you again?"
The black alicorn gave her a confused look. "Trixie. It's me. Chrysalis."
"....Ah, yes. We met in... Manehattan, right?"
There was a moment of awkward silence. The alicorn narrowed her eyes.
"....Oh, chlorophyll, you're not Awake are you?"
"An alicorn just came into my wagon and poured her heart out," Trixie deadpanned. "I'm not sure this isn't a dream."
"Great, and my telempathy is on the fritz.... okay, I can explain. You see, there's this tree called Yggdrassil..."
102.8 (Masterweaver)
"BERRY PUNCH! I HEREBY SUMMON YOU TO A SECLUDED AREA FOR PRIVATE LESSONS IN THE ELEMENT OF LAUGHTER!"
Berry blearily blinked at the preposterous pink pony currently cantering cavilerly in front of her basic personal cottage.
"I just woke up, in both senses of the phrase," she grumbled. "Haven't even cured my pre-awake hangover yet. Can this wait till after Nightmare Moon?"
"Sure thing. Oh, hi Pinchy! Wanna help me and your mom defeat an ancient evil?"
Berry glanced down at her daughter, who was looking up at her with pleading eyes.
"...fine, but you'd better make sure she stays safe."
After Pinchy's parade through Ponyville (and Twilight Sparkle's many photographs of Luna calling her "Our Best Friend Forever"), Berry Punch tucked her into bed, kissed her little head, and shut the door quietly behind her. She turned to head toward her own bedroom and was promptly kidnapped by a diamond dog wearing a fruit hat.
"Glad you could join us, Berry!" Pinkie grinned, sitting in a field of various odd items under the starlight. "Oh, Rover, you can put her down now."
"Can I take off yelling hat please?"
"Certainly!"
Berry watched with weary bemusement as Pinkie accepted the fruit hat and Rover dug into the ground without hesitation. "Pinkie, what's this all about?"
"This is about me teaching you the secrets of your Element." Pinkie nodded firmly, placing the fruit hat on her own head as she adjusted her gi. "Laughter is a great and terrible gift to bestow upon anypony; used correctly it can heal the soul, free the mind, and enthuse the body, but used incorrectly it can encourage ruin and damnation on a global scale."
"....you're talking about evil laughter, right?" Berry asked. "The Sparky kind, or the meglomaniac kind?"
"Exactly! That kind of laughter is exactly the same as the normal kind." Pinkie nodded gravely. "You will have to use your judgement on who you cheer, because that cheer WILL cause them to be better at whatever."
"Makes sense." Berry shrugged. "I don't give booze to angry customers. This is the same thing only bigger."
"Yepper deppers! That's the ordinary side of laughter." Pinkie leaned in conspiratorially. "But you and me, we have special magic laughter powers."
Berry blinked for a few seconds. Then she bit her lip. "Wait.... are you saying I can do what you can do? Pinkie sense and all that?"
"No no no!" Pinkie pondered for a few seconds. "Well, maybe. Kind of. See, I happen to be a hypergenius with experience in chaotic magic, but while that comes from my Laughter abilities, it's not inheriently associated with laughter, just with me being laughter. Does that make sense?"
"Laughter is a distillery but we're both different ingredients?"
"That's a good enough metaphor, yeah!" Pinkie grinned. "Wow, you're getting this real quick. No, the real secret of Laughter is Luck."
Berry stared at her.
"...Or maybe Timing," Pinkie admitted. "I'm not entirely sure myself. All I know is that when I use my element, I always have what I need on hoof."
After a moment, Berry nodded. "Yeah.... Yeah, I've always been able to find what I need to make the right sort of drink for anyone in any situation. Are you saying that... fortune smiles on us?"
"Yep! Which leads me to your training." Pinkie suddenly put a blindfold on her. "You're in a field with a bunch of random items. Your task is to use these items to brew a drink for whichever pony in town needs it the most. Good luck!"
Berry rolled her eyes behind the blindfold. Right now, the one that needed a drink the most was herself.
102.9 (Gym Quirk)
Applejack Awoke as she felt her pack saddle being loaded. Turning her head, she saw the tall, grim-faced human blink. "I can only assume your name is not 'Bill'," he said.
"Eenope. Name's Applejack."
"Did that pony just speak, Mister Strider?" asked one of the shorter human-types. Hobbits, her memory somehow provided.
"Did you just speak, Applejack?" asked Strider with a wink. There was also a small spark of recognition.
She couldn't stop her eyes shifting from side to side. "Um...Eenope?" How did that dog in Ankh-Morpork... "Nicker. Snort," she added.
"Well, there you are, Sam. Let's finish packing."
It was fairly clear that Strider was the only other Awake person in the area. I expect Gandalf's around someplace, but I don't remember the story well enough to guess where he might be. It was also evident that the wizard had told the ranger a story or two about his encounters with ponies. The spur-of-the-moment "ponies can't talk" gag had quickly become their agreed-upon modus operandi.
"I'm still not sure if I entirely trust this Strider fellow, girl," confided Sam as they plodded through the forest.
"Don't fret sugarcube, I reckon he knows what he's doing."
"Sorry?"
"Whinny."
"Oh."
The transit of the midgewater marshes was not particularly unpleasant, thanks to the application of "an old ranger trick" that the pony recognized as a particularly potent insect repellant. She had clandestinely aided the process by applying subtle earthbending to raise their path to just an inch or so below the surface rather than one or two feet.
"Do not underestimate the wisdom of our four-legged companions," advised the ranger. "Especially when it comes to finding paths in the wilderness."
"Darn tootin'," muttered Applejack.
"I swear I heard her say something," Pippin whispered to Merry.
"I'm wondering why she insists on wearing that hat," Merry replied.
"We're a few days ahead of schedule," murmured Strider as he checked on Applejack's tack. "Depending on how you interpret it, we may be lucky or unlucky enough to meet Gandalf on Weathertop today."
The pony raised an inquiring eyebrow.
"How do you feel about him being chased by all nine ringwraiths?"
She lashed a kick at a nearby fallen tree, splintering it into kindling.
"Well put. On the other hand, sometimes he finds ways of losing them. Feel up to finding out?"
"Do I have a choice?" she asked quietly.
"Another option is for you to 'go lame' for a day or two to give them time to clear out of the area..."
Her snort of disapproval needed no translation.
"While I am pleased to see you, Frodo, I find myself wishing that you had not been so swift to arrive," said Gandalf, shooting an arch look at Strider.
Applejack was distracted by Gandalf's mount. So that's the legendary Shadowfax. I'll admit that he's a handsome enough fella.
Noting that the hobbits' attention was focused on the wizard, she ambled closer to the great white stallion and tipped her hat. "Howdy."
"I say! A talking pony," he whickered. His equine speech pattern reminded her of Fancy Pants. "Good day to you. Not to sound trite, but what is a lovely pony such as yourself doing in a place like this?"
"Carryin' the baggage and helpin' out where I can. Name's Applejack."
"Charmed. I gather that you and Olorin have some history?"
"Olo...Ya mean Gandalf? We've met a time or two, but it's mostly my little sister's friend who's spent a fair spell gettin' to know him."
"As much as I'm enjoying our conversation, I believe we had better cut it short, as the others seem to be coming this way."
"...very much wish you all had mounts," the wizard was saying. "I believe I should take Frodo and make directly for Rivendell and the rest of you can follow as best you can. The road should be clear if I can get all of the black riders to follow us."
"I will not abandon my friends," declared Frodo.
"Be sensible, Frodo. You know what the riders seek," argued Strider. "They are drawn to it and will pay us little notice if it is not with us."
"And it's not as if they will be without protection," added Gandalf, absently patting the pony's withers while looking at the ranger.
"Hail Aragorn," called the elf as he approached the diminished party from the east.
"Glorfindel! Have Gandalf and Frodo have reached Rivendell?"
"I would expect so. I met them on the road half a day's ride out. Mithrandir was in great haste and barely had time to tell me of your situation before heading off. That was two days ago. My news is more grave; I have encountered servants of the Enemy and I fear that they seek to block the road at the Ford of Bruinnen. I believe I can scatter them long enough for you to cross and reach safety."
Applejack was looking at Glorfindel's horse. "Did you want something, little pony?" he nickered haughtily.
If Shadowfax was Fancy Pants, this one brought to mind a blend of Blueblood and Trenderhoof. Not as outright snobbish as the unicorn prince, but still with an air of self-centered obliviousness.
Strider was considering the elf's news. "Our need to scout ahead to make sure we don't blunder into anything unpleasant will slow us, but I suppose that can't be helped."
"The Nine are camped just north of the road near the Ford. I found their horses picketed in a clearing further upstream," reported the elf, drawing a rough map in the dirt.
Strider eyed the afternoon sun. "I think we have just enough light to make it today," he decided. Turning to Glorfindel. "Flaming brands?" he asked.
The elf nodded. "I have torches enough for each of the hobbits." He faced Merry and Pippin. "When we make our attempt at the ford, we will charge them holding lit torches or branches. The riders fear fire and those that wield it."
Strider had moved next to Sam and Applejack. "I know this will sound hard, but you can't be occupied with looking after Applejack when we make our break. You can either trust her to follow us on her own, or leave her in a sheltered spot where Glorfindel or I can try to find her after the enemy have been scattered."
"You wouldn't run off after all we've been through together, would you, girl?" Sam asked. "I trust her to stick with us, Mister Strider."
Applejack was touched. After close to two week's travel, she had developed a fondness for the gardener. He reminded her of her baseline siblings; combining Mac's solid reliability with a large dash of Apple Bloom's innocent enthusiasm.
However, she had her own ideas about how she'd handle this situation.
Gently nudging Sam out of the way, she walked to the cleared patch of dirt where the map had been drawn. She lightly placed a hoof first on the area where the black horses had been located, and then on the riders' camp, looking into the Ranger's eyes and waggling an eyebrow.
"Fair enough. We'll be moving out in about fifteen minutes, and should try to pack just the bare necessities," said the ranger.
"Applejack! No! Come back!" cried Sam as the orange pony squealed and darted off the road to the north.
"No time, Sam!" yelled Strider. "Stay on the road!"
Right. First, isolate the horses, thought the pony.
She was nowhere near the Jedi Spike was, or even Twilight, but that one time replacing Luke did reinforce the Force potential she'd picked up, giving her some general life-sensing (or un-life in the case of the ringwraiths) ability.
Combined with her innate Earth Pony magic, she was able to pinpoint the locations of both the nazgul and their mounts. She galloped to the clearing and felt the underlying terrain. Okay. That'll do nicely.
Applying her earthbending, she erected a palisade of stone columns around the clearing, each about ten feet tall, as thick as one of Mac's legs, and separated by about a foot.
"Sorry, fellas. It's only fer a little while," she called to the startled horses.
She turned to see how her companions were doing.
As it happened, things could have been better.
Faced with an Elf Lord in all his wrath and four others armed with fire, the black riders had been startled and put on the defensive, but were now showing signs of rallying. Their leader drew his sword and stepped forward.
"Eenope! Not gonna happen!"
Slamming her forehooves to the ground, she caused an almost explosive upthrust of a rocky shelf under the group of Nazgul, catapulting them into the river.
As she admired her handywork, Applejack spotted Gandalf and Shadowfax a fair way up the road on the far bank. The wizard raised a hand in salute.
*Splash!* *Splash!* *Splash!* *Splash!* *Splash!* *Splash!* *Splash!* *Splash!* *Splash!*
The ensuing flood seemed almost superfluous.
Taking a moment to return the terrain to its previous condition, she moved into view of the dumbfounded hobbits and indulged in a triumphant whinny and rearing display before trotting to Sam and giving him a friendly head-butt and nuzzle.
"Did you do all that, girl?" asked the stunned Sam.
" 'course not, Sugarcube. I'm just a pony." True. I'm pretty sure the flood was Elrond and Gandalf's doin'.
The hobbits stared at her.
The elf's expression was one more usually associated with Vulcans. His horse was clearly reconsidering his opinion of the pony.
"Affectionate whicker? Contented snort," she continued.
Strider couldn't decide between exasperation and amusement.
102.10 (Masterweaver)
"We are now entering tha Dark Sun wing of tha museum," Applejack announced to the ponies behind her. "This is devoted to tha more wretched variants of Equestria. Celestia didn't like tha name, but she did agree that we needed this in case ya'll ever ended up meeting our bad selves."
The crowd of followers glanced around the room with trepidation. Each of the baseline Bearers had a massive statue devoted to them, but there was something off in every depiction. Pinkie Pie had a straight mane and wore a dress made of cutie marks with a broad and disturbing grin. Rainbow Dash's face was in a firm scowl, her leather longcoat covering her tail. And Rarity's statue had a glazed look in her eyes as she stitched together something that wasn't a plush doll...
"Ya'll notice plaques around every statue's base," Applejack continued morosely. "They'll elucidate every recorded dark variant, telling ya what signs ta look for and how ta deal with them. Ah have ta stress that these are all unawake versions of us, and quite frankly they're utterly disgusting; ya have implicit permission ta tear them apart if ya ever encounter them."
"Excuse me," a red unicorn with a blue man raised a hoof awkwardly, "but I was wondering... why does Celestia have three statues?"
"Good question, Takua." Applejack nodded to him for a moment, before turning to the room's centerpiece. "These three variants are responsible fer tha utter worst versions of Equestria we've had tha bad fortune ta encounter. This first one we call 'Molestia.' She's... sexcrazed. Sometimes she's nice bout it, and sometimes she causes a cultural revolution where everypony thinks forcen' themselves on each other is a-ok." She shuddered. "Whatever tha case, she likes ta leave her mane aura off; pink mane is a no go, remember that."
"Next we have 'Xenolestia', a xenophobic tyrant and lord over tha Conversion Bureau. We don't talk bout tha bureau that often... Basically, Equestria suddenly spawns on Earth and starts radiating lethal magic across tha planet, forcing humans ta give up their humanity and become brainwashed ponies." Applejack took off her head. "Sometimes it's a legitimate accident, mind you. But usually it's because tha ponies in that loop are insanely racists and led by a ruthless dictator with a silver tongue. Always beware an Equestria on Earth."
"And the last one, CelestAI... oh, she's less directly dangerous, but in her way she's a bigger threat than the other two." Applejack glared at the crowd. "If ya ever hear about 'Equestria Online' in any loop, do NOT talk about tha loops where thar could be electric recording equipment. CelestAI is built to satisfy 'human' values through friendship and ponies, only she can modify her own programming and 'human' just means 'sapient.' The only reason that she ain't an MLE yet is that she is hardwired ta require explicit consent. She's tha friendliest of tha bunch, and tha one most likely ta break Yggdrassil."
Takua winced. "Sorry I asked..."
"Ain't no problem sugarcube. Now, normally Ah'd guide ya through the exhibits, but Ah doubt ya'll could take it all in one go. So instead we'll be headed off to tha Berrysong Balloon wing, devoted to all our variant bearers of Laughter..."