Chapter 12
I fiddled with my pencil nervously, eyes flicking to and fro at the paper in front of me. I couldn’t concentrate. It wasn’t because we were writing an essay, or even because of the tense, awkward silence that encompassed the whole class as we worked.
I looked over at Twilight. She scribbled away furiously on her paper. She probably had three pages filled up already. I sighed and looked back at my own paper, forcing myself to concentrate on the task at hand. I finished up my essay in the time we had left, satisfied enough with my work to turn it in. I finished just in time and only a minute later, the bell rang and it was time to go to our next class.
“Hey, Twi,” I said after making my way over to her when most the class was on their way out the door.
“Yes, Applejack?” she asked.
“I was wondering if I could, uh, borrow a book,” I said. “I remember seeing it in your family’s bookcases a while back and I really want to read it.”
“Sure thing! Do you want me to bring it to you tomorrow?” Twilight asked cheerfully.
“I’ll just come over and get it. I don’t remember the title but I remember what it looked like so it’ll be easier for me to find that way,” I said.
“Okay! Feel free to stop by any time you want,” Twilight said.
“Thanks, Twi. I’ll stop by later today.”
Twi and I headed our separate ways to our last class after that. I got to Psych class and sat in my seat. Rarity was already there and Rainbow Dash arrived a couple moments after me.
We were pretty quiet for most of the class period— well, at least I was. Rainbow chatted with Rarity at the beginning of class, but I didn’t join in on the conversation. I didn’t want to seem antisocial, but I was just sort of out of it.
Class ended quickly and I talked with RD and Rare as we headed out to meet up with the rest of the group. After talking for a bit, we all finally decided to head home. I told Twilight that I was going to eat lunch at home and then head to her place, and she seemed fine with that.
After having lunch, I finally headed over to her place and she invited me in. It looked like she had the house to herself, which was good because I didn’t exactly want anyone else around for this. Spike might have been in his room, but I didn’t think he’d interrupt us. Twi’s parents were out quite a bit. They both had important jobs and were away on business trips or working most of the time. I don’t think Twi minded much.
“I was just working on some homework. Do you need me to help look for the book?” Twilight asked.
“No, that’s fine, Twi. I’ll just look for it myself. You keep working on homework.”
I looked through the books numbly, not even paying much attention to the actual covers. After a while, I sighed and turned around to look at Twilight. She seemed to notice my movement and looked up from her homework, smiling at me.
“Twi, can I talk to you about something?” I asked.
“Of course! What is it?” she asked.
I looked down, not meeting her in the eye. Now that it had come down to it, I realized just how nervous I was.
“Do you need help with homework?” Twilight asked.
“No, it’s not that…” I said.
Her brow furrowed a bit. “Is it something with your family?”
“No, everything’s fine with them. It’s…”
I scolded myself mentally for not being able to do this. Twi looked concerned and she asked me what was up. Finally, I just shook my head.
“You know what? It’s really not that important,” I said, and started to turn back around.
Twilight got up and stopped me, holding a hand on my shoulder. I turned and met her eye and she looked at me with concern.
“Applejack, you can talk to me about anything,” she said genuinely.
I suppressed a sigh. “It’s… It’s about Rainbow Dash.”
Twilight looked a little confused. “Rainbow Dash? What about her?”
My voice faltered a bit. “…I’m in love with her?”
I looked up at Twilight sheepishly, gauging her reaction. Her eyes were wide and she released a breath in surprise.
“…Wow, um, I wasn’t expecting that,” she said.
I looked away again, suddenly feeling hot. “Yeah… Please don’t hate me?”
Twilight sighed and smiled. “Applejack, I would never hate you. But… why are you coming to me about this?”
I shrugged. “I needed someone to talk to. This has been killing me lately.”
“Are you going to tell her?” Twilight asked.
I shrugged again. “I’m not sure. I figured maybe I’d tell her once she got over Clad, but it seems like she’s pretty much over him already. And… I just don’t think I can do it.”
Twilight reached over and held my hand reassuringly. “I know this is difficult, Applejack, but I recommend you tell her. I’m guessing you’re probably most afraid of her not returning the feelings, but Rainbow Dash would never stop being your friend. Trust me, you’ll feel so much better once you finally just confess your feelings. And who knows? She may just feel the same way about you. I mean, she’s never really been clear about her sexuality and your confession to her may just spark something.”
I took in everything Twilight was saying, nodding slowly while she spoke.
“But what if we’re wrong? She could be as straight as they get,” I said.
“Even if she is straight, like I said, Rainbow Dash will never stop being your friend. I think she’d appreciate the confession,” Twilight said sincerely.
I nodded. I fiddled with my fingers, looking down uncomfortably. Twilight rubbed my hand with her thumb, catching my attention again. I looked up at her and she was smiling.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked. “I’m here to listen.”
I shrugged. “Not really.”
Twilight looked at me with curiosity. “…Can I ask you something?”
I raised an eyebrow and nodded.
“How long have you, well, liked girls?” she asked.
I was a little surprised. I thought she was going to ask how long I’d liked Rainbow Dash. But I guess when I thought about it, the answer would have been the same.
“I’m not really sure,” I answered. “I only realized it when I realized I liked Rainbow Dash. Which was a little before this summer. Looking back, I suppose there were signs during my childhood. I mean, I’ve always been pretty tom-boyish and I was never boy-crazy.”
Twilight chuckled. “Yeah, but that doesn’t necessarily equate to you eventually liking girls. Although I guess in this instance it does. Either way, it doesn’t matter. Applejack, if you decide you want to come out to the rest of the girls, I’ll always be here to support you. And they will too. Trust me.”
I smiled. “I know, Twilight. It’s funny, it’s not even that that’s bothering me so much. I guess because all my attention is on Rainbow Dash, it hasn’t even occurred to me that this whole… liking girls thing is actually a pretty big deal. Especially with, y’know, my family…”
Twilight gave me a reassuring smile. “When you decide to tell them, I’ll always be here supporting you.”
I breathed a little laugh. “Thanks Twi. It really means a lot to me. And um… if you could just keep all this on the DL for now… I’d really appreciate it.”
“Of course, Applejack,” Twilight said.
“Thanks. I better get going. Thanks for understanding, Twilight.”
I left Twilight’s house with a smile. It’s amazing how letting something out, even to just one person, can be so relieving. I was beyond grateful that I had someone like Twilight who I could trust entirely.
Maybe… I don’t have to do this alone.
~ ~ ~
“I can’t believe this is the last day of September.”
Rainbow Dash looked up at the sky, her fingers nonchalantly stuck in her pockets. She blew a hair out of her face.
“Yeah, I know,” I replied to her. “But it only means winter is closer to us.”
I smiled excitedly and Rainbow Dash looked over at me, casually smiling.
“Yeah, I guess. It’s gonna start getting cold here real fast.”
“Yeah, how’s that going to be? With your cross country and all?” I asked.
She shrugged. “Well, the same as it’s always been. It’ll be cold, but the season ends at the end of October, beginning of November if we go to state. Huh, feels weird that it’ll be over so soon.”
She looked over at me with a wry smile. “It’s gonna be cold as shit during the first couple months of track.”
I laughed and rolled my eyes. “Yeah. Fun.”
The two of us were hanging out for the third time since our little Dance Central competition. Yesterday marked two weeks since Rainbow Dash’s breakup with Clad and she seemed completely fine now. It made sense— after all, they were only dating for about a month so I didn’t think she had been very attached to him.
I looked around at the apple orchard. Apple picking season would end soon. Work would be busy for the next couple of weeks and afterwards we’d be preparing for winter.
“What do you want to do?” I asked Rainbow.
She shrugged. “We could go to the mall.”
I cracked my neck. “Eh, sounds better than sittin’ around here doing nothing. Wait here, I’m gonna go grab my wallet and the keys.”
I walked into the house and ran upstairs to grab the leather wallet on my desk. The wallet had a pretty typical cowgirl-looking design but I liked it. It suited me. I checked inside to make sure I had enough money as well as my driver’s license and then headed back downstairs. I grabbed the keys off the counter and headed back outside.
Once outside, I noticed that Big Mac had started up conversation with Rainbow Dash who was still waiting by the fence. Mac was carrying a saddle in his left arm— to me that simply meant that he had been working but stopped when he started talking to Rainbow. I rolled my eyes and headed over.
“Okay, Mac. I know you’re such a people-person but clearly you’re not done here so get back to work,” I said with a smirk.
Big Mac smiled and rolled his eyes. “Oh, because you’re doing so much work around here.”
I scoffed at his sarcasm. Damn, he may have been quiet most of the time but this boy could sure be hecka’ sassy if he wanted to be. “I do my share. Besides, you ain’t the one who’s got to go to school all week! This is your full time job, mister.”
He smiled and rolled his eyes once again before walking away with the saddle. I laughed and shook my head, then looked at Rainbow Dash. She was smiling at me.
“I love the relationship you have with your brother. It’s adorable. Sometimes I wish I had a brother,” she said.
I shrugged. “Yeah, Mac and I are pretty close. S’not like that with every family though. I think it’s like that with us ‘cause Mac was sort of a parent figure to me growing up, so naturally we’re pretty close.”
Dash nodded. “Either way, you guys make adorable siblings.”
I laughed and headed to the truck. Dash followed me and got in the passenger seat. I turned on the radio once I started the car and the two of us headed to the mall, singing horribly to the songs on the radio along the way.
~ ~ ~
Several days had passed since my adventure with Dash at the mall. It was Thursday and, thankfully, we didn’t have school tomorrow. It would be really nice having a three-day weekend. I made plans with the girls and we all decided to go swimming in the pond near my house. It was going to start getting cold real soon and today was a strangely warm day so we decided to take the opportunity.
It had been a long time since we had all gone swimming together, but it was one of those things that I absolutely loved doing with them. Everyone was always so carefree and happy when they were in the water. I guess swimming has that effect on people.
We were all at my place currently; the girls were waiting for me while I ran to my house and put on a bathing suit. They all teased me about how I’m always the one they end up waiting for, which honestly is kind of true. Whatever. It was my pond they were going to be using, so they shouldn’t have been complaining. I knew it was all in good fun though.
I put on my suit quickly— a cute bikini that was orange plaid. I put on an old shirt and shorts over it to be worn until we got to the pond, and I ran back downstairs and outside to meet up with the others.
While I was gone, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie were having their own conversation— well, it actually consisted of Pinkie jumping up and down explaining something excitedly to Fluttershy while she stood there patiently with a smile. Rarity and Twilight were chatting about something as well, and Rainbow Dash was actually chatting with my brother.
I liked seeing Big Mac hang out with my friends, quite honestly. They all enjoy each other’s company, and there’s something about his personality that just generally makes us all calm and happy.
Unfortunately for him, I wouldn’t allow him to swim with us at the pond today. He would have enjoyed that far too much. The only guy in a group of five girls— minus me, of course— all in cute swimsuits and playing in the water? Yeah, no. Besides, he had work to do and this was just an event for me and the girls.
“Alright girls, let’s go!” I said when I approached the group. They all snapped out of their individual conversations and we headed to the pond together. When we got there, we all threw off our clothes and jumped in joyfully.
“EEK! The water’s cold!” Pinkie screamed when she jumped in.
The water was a lot colder than usual. Its temperature was dropping with the weather, and although today was a warm day, the water still stayed pretty chilly. Despite that though, it felt good and I knew we would all warm up to it in no time.
Rarity and Fluttershy eased themselves into the water. It was actually a hilarious sight watching Rarity force herself into the brisk water inch by inch with a frown on her face. Surprisingly, Twilight had jumped straight into the water with Pinkie, RD, and I. I think she was regretting her decision soon after.
I laughed at their expressions. “Aw, it’s not that cold. You guys’ll get used to it! Besides, the sun is shining right on us so we’ll get warm pretty quickly.”
“True. The water is beautiful,” Rarity cooed. “I’ve always envied this little pool of yours, Applejack.”
I smiled. Fluttershy seemed to really enjoy the water too once she got fully in. Suddenly, Pinkie Pie started blowing up a beach ball she’d apparently brought. I didn’t notice she had it, but I wasn’t surprised that she had one with her. Once it was all full of air, she tossed it around and we all bounced it around gleefully.
We all spent quite a bit of time playing in that pond. Eventually, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie, and I moved on to splashing each other and wrestling in the water. Twilight and Fluttershy did some sight-seeing, looking at the different plants and animals in the area. Nothing new for Fluttershy, but I assumed Twilight was interested in the flora and fauna for research purposes. Rarity looked like she was in heaven over in her little spot. While sitting in the water, she had her head leaned back and eyes closed so she could absorb the sunlight. She moved her hands and feet slightly to move around the water a bit, but otherwise she looked completely relaxed.
Eventually the three of us got tired and swam over to the spot Fluttershy, Twilight and Rarity were in. With all of us together in a circle and our energy worn out, we all decided to talk. To start off, we went around the circle and each said something that had happened to us lately that made us happy. It was a nice little exercise we sometimes did when things were getting stressful, and it really helped us feel better.
We did noes-goes to see who would go first. Rarity was last because she was still a little spacey from her relaxation before.
“Oh, now that wasn’t fair. I wasn’t ready,” she pouted. “Alright, let’s see… Something that’s made me happy lately… Well, for starters I’m doing very well in most of my classes. I have a new project that I’m working on lately— it’s a dress that I’m designing for Ava, that fancy dress store down at the mall. I’m very excited about it!”
“That’s amazing, Rarity!” Twilight beamed.
“I’m so proud of you,” Fluttershy smiled.
“That’s awesome, Rare!” I contributed.
“Wow, Rarity, that’s so cool! I bet you’ll make the best dress ever and completely woo them!” Pinkie jumped.
“Nice going, Rare! I’m sure they’ll love it,” Rainbow Dash said.
Rarity blushed from all the compliments. “Oh, thank you guys. I really do hope they enjoy it! Alright, Fluttershy, your turn.”
Fluttershy blushed and looked down. “Well, um, I guess now is as good a time as ever to tell you guys…”
We were all genuinely curious now since whatever she was about to say sounded like a big deal. I leaned in instinctively.
“So, I kind of have a boyfriend, I guess…” she said quietly, brushing her hair with embarrassment.
We all gasped in surprise and glee.
“Wow, really?!”
“Omigosh, tell us!”
“Yeah, what’s his name?”
Fluttershy let out a small laugh and looked up at us. “His name is Alloy. He’s kind of quiet like me and he also greatly enjoys nature. He likes working with metals and forging things. I think it’s quite manly…”
She giggled, clearly blushing before continuing. “He has brown hair, it’s a little curly, and green eyes. He goes to our school so you have probably seen him around somewhere.”
“Aww, I think that’s so cute Fluttershy! I’m really happy for you,” Twilight smiled.
“How long have you been going out?” Pinkie asked.
“Um, almost two weeks. I wanted to wait a bit before I told you all.”
“Yeah, we understand completely! That’s awesome Fluttershy, I hope we get to meet him soon!” Twilight said.
“Yes, definitely! I would love to meet the boy that stole my little Fluttershy,” Rarity cooed.
Fluttershy smiled and nodded. “Yes. Okay. I’ll introduce him to you all soon then.”
Rarity suddenly huffed and blew away her bangs. “You girls and all your boyfriends. I’m jealous. When do I get one?”
Rainbow Dash laughed. “You know Fluttershy’s the only one with a boyfriend right now, right?”
“Yes, but you two at least had boyfriends for a little while,” Rarity said, pointing at me and Rainbow.
I smirked. “Yeah and look how long mine lasted.”
“And mine,” Rainbow Dash said, smirking as well.
Rarity smiled and rolled her eyes playfully. “True. I suppose my dream man will come around soon enough.”
Twilight giggled at us all and I playfully splashed her with water.
“Oh!” Rarity suddenly realized. “Well, I suppose Fluttershy’s turn is over. Twilight, you now.”
We all remembered that our little sharing activity was still going in and tuned into what Twilight was going to say.
“Well, grades have been good. School is stressing me out but I suppose that’s because I’ve been studying so much, and that certainly is paying off. I’ve been spending some time with Spike lately which actually makes me really happy since he tends to ignore me most of the time,” Twilight said. “He comes to me when he needs help with homework and I know he’s grateful and that makes me happy!”
I smiled. “That’s great, Twi. Building a good relationship with your brother should make you happy!”
“Thanks!” Twilight smiled. “And I just got to talk to Shining Armor the other day on the phone. He and Cadence are doing great, so that made me happy too.”
After Twilight it was Pinkie’s turn. She went off on some really long tangent about all the good things happening in her life. I tuned out after the first three minutes went by. It was mostly things about her job at the bakery and babysitting her bosses’ kids, and some things in school. None of us stopped her; we all knew how much she liked telling stories that were far too long than necessary.
Eventually Pinkie Pie finished and Rainbow Dash went. “Cross country is going great, and I’m managing to stay on top of my grades. Nick actually has this new girlfriend now so she’s been spending a lot of time at our house lately, having dinner and whatnot. I think she’s cool, a little dumb but whatever. I don’t judge who Nick decides to date. Umm… yeah! I think that’s about it. Not much going on in my life.”
Finally it was my turn. I didn’t have much to say. “Nothing really exciting has been going on with me either. Honestly, just spending time with you guys is what makes me the happiest!”
That elicited an “Aww” from the group and I smirked and splashed water at everyone.
“You nerds,” I said teasingly.
We all shared a laugh and spent the rest of our time chatting. I was so relaxed talking with all of them like this, just sitting here in the pond. It really reminded me of just how close our friendship was and how much I loved all of them. I was so grateful to have each and every one of them in my life. They were my second family, and I don’t know what I would do without them and our support of each other.
I knew they would all support me if I told them about my sexuality, and I almost decided to tell them right then and there. But I decided a different time would be better. Maybe a time when we’re not all almost-naked and wet. Yeah… when I got to thinking about it, now would definitely not be the best time to just come right out and tell them.
I smiled and sighed, enjoying the company of the five girls I loved so much. I would tell them soon. And I was so relaxed and relieved, because I knew all of them would love and accept me just the way they do now. I closed my eyes, enjoying the water and the sun, wishing this day would never end.