Letters From a Little Princess Monster
Evaluations, Stations, and Recommendations - Part Seven
The wisp bobbled uncertainly at the back of the classroom, perched to the side of the pale pony that fascinated it so. Apparently all of the little unicorns had certain tasks they needed to do in the room, and Philomena and the wisp’s entrance had delayed those tasks considerably, considering the hurried pace at which they were rushing through their lesson.
The prospect of ‘pranking’ as Philomena had explained was rapidly losing its appeal. It even seemed somewhat cruel, and the wisp considered the trail of upset ponies that they had both caused while watching the pale pony build a spell. The concept of ‘cold’ was something it had never been able to convey well to the other wisps in the sun, and the sight of a dozen or so little unicorns all creating a ball of ‘snow’ with their magic would have been unthinkable. Frost was doing far worse than the rest of her classmates, with only a small dribble of slushy ice in front of her horn despite a wrinkled-up face depicting an act of supreme concentration. It seemed unfair to the wisp. Many of the other unicorns had smaller internal fires than Frost, but had fairly large balls of fluffy snow hovering in front of their horns, some even manipulating the balls into simple shapes.
Frost’s fire twisted through several tangled knots before emerging from her horn, while Monster had a channel to her fire that was as thick as a tree. The wisp had not thought about it while being within the tortured little unicorn for so many years until the day Monster had met Sweetie Belle, who could barely splutter a few green sparks. The wisp had touched her powerful fire in full force when the Element of Magic had been unleashed, those knots and channels of hinderance straightened and groomed into lines of unlocked potential. All of the little Element Bearers had touched the wisp then, and been touched in return, and the wisp used that feeling of unlocking now as it reached out for the unstable stream of power that Frost was pouring into her spell.
The nearly-instantaneous wall of whiteness that enveloped the wisp was a cold shock, sweeping it across the room in a huge explosion of icy snow until it wound up sitting at the front of the classroom, looking back at the pristine sheet of white that covered the whole class. There was an indignant chirp, and Philomena burst out of a snowdrift in the back of the classroom, spraying snow in all directions. Following in rapid succession, the rest of the little unicorns popped up out of the snow, smiling and laughing like the cold shock was fun.
And it was. The wisp blinked in realization as the idea hit it just as hard as the wave of snow. That was what made a prank funny instead of cruel. Surprise. The relatively small amount of pain or embarrassment was countered by the shock of an unexpected event, like the firecrackers that Philomena had dropped behind the stuffy well-dressed ponies, or the—
-*POOMPH*-
—or the sudden impact of a ball of snow on a phoenix who was sitting in one place thinking instead of enjoying the sudden snowfall. The wisp shook the leftover snow off its feathers and dodged a second snowball from Philomena, soaring up into the air as the little unicorns began to pelt each other with their magical snow. For a while, it darted and ducked through the flying snow, catching an occasional snowball for its trouble, but carrying out several wings full of snow dropped down unsuspecting necks for squeals of happy laughter. They all had a great amount of fun before the class was dismissed and the wet students darted off in all directions.
The two phoenixes remaining glided through the corridors of the school with the smell of warm feathers in their wake, swinging around each other and playing tag with the laughing students until their paths took them outside into the evening air.
In the darkness, lit only by the moon and stars.
~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~
“Fillies and Gentlecolts!” announced Trixie from the middle of the stage with a burst of fireworks that made the cardboard box at her side tremble. “Gather around, for the Great and Powerful Trixie has an emergency announcement!” The wedding guests crowded closer to the stage, keeping a spot open where a somewhat tranquil Princess of the Night watched also, although with a string around one hoof that was tied securely to a nail at the edge of the stage so she would not float away.
“Due to a magical accident, little Twilight Sparkle has been divided into three different ponies. One here—” Trixie managed to lift the cardboard box a few feet into the air before a strong magenta aura slammed it back down, giving the surrounding ponies a quick glimpse of the frightened little pony, still clutching the red cloak and a ragged strip of cloth to her chest.
“And two over here.” At Trixie’s gesture, Zecora nudged two other little red-cloaked ponies out onto the stage, one with a distinct stagger to her gait and the other still splattered with pink frosting and glaring out into the audience. They took their places on either sides of the box, which ever so slowly had the holes in front filled by a multicolored horn and a pair of terrified eyes peering out.
While Trixie expounded to the crowd with broad hoof-waving and a great amount of shouting, the three little Monsters whispered to themselves in a mixture of fear, uncertainty, and seething annoyance.
“Afraid. Don’t want to die.”
“It’s all your two’s fault,” growled the other. “This idea was stupid. Trixie’s idea is stupider.”
“Is she going to do something or just talk?” said the third in a very slow and deliberate way, sounding out each word as if it were trying to escape.
“Misssmartypants isn’t helping,” whined the first from inside the box.
“Do not fear, my little Flowers. You must have faith in Trixie’s powers.” Zecora held herself close to one side of the Twilights with her head down next to them, pressing her shoulder to them with a warm, motherly presence.
“What she said,” added Tallgrass from the other side, trying his best to add support to the Twilight he was next to, who merely growled and scooted closer to the box in response.
“What’s that!” squeaked the Twilight in the box.
“Your stupid sister wrote on the box,” grumbled the other Twilight. “It’s now supposed to be a ‘Transmorgifyer,’ if that’s even a word.”
“She misspelled it, I think,” slurred the other. “Need a dictionary.”
“I hope she knows what she’s doing,” whined the Twilight inside the box.
~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~
I have no idea what I’m doing!
Trixie kept her patter going while pacing back and forth across the stage, drawing the attention of the onlooking ponies and building it to a climax where the actual magic would happen, if she could only figure out what that was going to be. Every one of the ponies out in the audience was looking at her as if she were really some Great and Powerful unicorn who could actually bring three ponies together into a single, living, not-crazy, and hopefully still an alicorn, Twilight Sparkle, and do it twice a day and three times on Saturdays. Even though she could only see the rump end of Twilight’s parents, or at least what she had for parents at the moment, it seemed as if even they believed in her abilities. At least they had not bundled their daughters up and fled the stage for some other country. Even Luna, blitzed on Menace’s cosmic coffee and still floating a few inches above the stage, had a glazed look about her that Trixie decided to interpret as confidence in Trixie’s abilities.
And that gave Trixie an idea.
Oh, it was a terrible idea, and would probably get Menace killed, as well as anypony in the immediate vicinity, but since she planned on being as close to the target as possible for the actual implementation of the Worst Idea in Equestrian History, that would not be a problem.
First, she needed a focus.
“Behold, the Transmorgifyer!” Trixie gestured towards the box with one hoof and stopped. “Wait!” Pulling a magic marker out of her cloak, she scribbled ‘Transmorgifyer’ on the front of the box, pausing only to scribble out one obviously misplaced vowel to the giggling of her audience before taking the exact same pose.
“Behold, the Transmorgifyer!” This time there was applause out in the audience mixed with the giggling and she rolled into the next portion of her plan. “This mystic device has been passed down through the ages, used only for the reunification of divided alicorns — and of course, the transport of educational forms,” she added with a squinted look at the side of the box.
“First, I would like to ask the subject, or subjects in this case, to please step inside the transformation chamber.” In one swift motion, she lifted up the box with her magic, stuffed all three little alicorns under it, and jammed it back down. The resulting lumpy box bounced a little while being restrained in her magic until the contents rearranged themselves into a more comfortable position.
“Your horn is poking my butt!”
“I’m sorry!”
“Ow!”
“Thank you, Twilights. Now, we come to the most dangerous portion of the process, so dangerous that I must ask all of you to back away from the stage, even you, Miss Zecora. And Mister Zecora.” With a backwards glare from both zebras, and a somewhat displaced thought that she was starting to actually think of Tallgrass as a real zebra, the parents moved off the stage to join the crowd. Even Luna was towed back into the crowd by Apple Sprout or whatever her name was, pulling her by the string like a princess-sized balloon.
“A little bit farther. That’s fine. Now, the Cube of Transmogrification requires enormous power to operate, far more than any one unicorn, no matter how Great or Powerful she is could possibly generate. Even an alicorn could not power this mystical device by herself.”
Trixie stepped forward and swept one hoof through the air. “But the power of friendship knows no such boundaries. Little Twilight Sparkle has become a friend to all of you here, and we shall use that power to reunite her once again. Only with the power of earth ponies, pegasi, and unicorns combined, can Twilight survive this coming ordeal, so I will need everypony’s full and complete concentration.”
Lowering her voice and motioning to the crowd, Trixie continued, “I need all the earth ponies gather in an arc around the stage, the pegasi to fly up in a circle around the whole area, and every unicorn needs a line of sight to the box. Then on my signal, each group of ponies will focus their magic on the Cube of Transmogrification, first the earth ponies, then the pegasi, and last, the unicorns.”
One hoof popped up in the crowd. “What about alicorns?”
“Alicorns can — I suppose participate in all three phases, if that’s okay with you, Princess Luna?”
Luna nodded, although it could have just been a stray breeze from all the pegasi flapping up to take their positions around the stage.
“Now… Yes, you over there.” Trixie pointed at another raised hoof, with more holes in it.
“What about changelings?”
“I was getting to that,” said Trixie, wildly calculating her words internally. “Changeling magic is one of the most important portions of this transformation. We could never carry it off without you. Each and every one of you changelings has one form that you are most comfortable with, and that form contains the magic that grants you the most power. Take that form now, and contribute your magic during that particular phase. Now, are we all ready?”
One small hoof raised up in the back. “I need to use the bathroom.”
“It will have to wait!” Tapping on the box with one hoof, Trixie called out, “Twilight Sparkle, are you ready?”
“I’m scared.”
“I could uschee a bathroom break toos.”
“Hurry up!”
“She says she’s ready!” announced Trixie. “Earth ponies, are you ready?”
“Ready!” came a solid wave of sound from the surrounding ponies that momentarily staggered Trixie.
Her heart was pounding beneath her rib cage so violently that it seemed wanting to break out as she raised a hoof to the sky and called out, “Pegasi, are you ready?”
“Ready!” echoed around the plaza, with one somewhat delayed, “Yeahhh!”
In terms of volume, the pegasi were nearly as loud as the surrounding earth ponies, and the breeze that they were putting out by hovering already threatened to blow Trixie’s hat off. Giving it an additional sticktation charm to prevent a sudden exposure of her ravaged mane, she turned to the unicorns in the crowd. There were not as many of them as she would have liked, due to the relative agrarian nature of the peaceful farming community, but she was proud to see every one of the little unicorn students was right out in front with determined faces and glowing horns, even Sweetie Belle.
“Unicorns, are you ready!”
“Ready!”
Fighting a nearly overwhelming urge to take a step backwards, knowing that a single step would inevitably lead to another and another until she was running as fast as she could go, Trixie turned towards the lumpy-looking cardboard box that wriggled in her magical grip. “Sorry, Twilight,” she whispered before raising her voice.
“Earth ponies! Go!”
The anticipated feeling of earth pony magic was less obvious than Trixie had first thought, until she noticed the boards of the stage beginning to curl up, little sprouts of green shooting up through the cracks as long-dead timbers began to remember the mighty trees that they had once been. Leaves and vines grew up in moments to surround the cardboard box, shining silver and green in the moonlight. It was so impressive that Trixie nearly missed her cue to call up into the air, “Pegasi! Go!”
A veritable hurricane of air smashed downwards, flattening Trixie against the writhing boards of the stage and squishing her hat flat against her head. The box sagged under the impact, each little squirming body outlined in cardboard and frequent punctures as horns and wriggling hooves poked new holes in their prison. They looked terrified, and Trixie almost called the whole thing off right then except for the mental image of a little dead filly multiplied by three that would certainly be the result if this did not work.
“Unicorns!” she bellowed, using an amplification spell to cut through the wind noise. “Go!”
* * *
Monster struggled against Monster in the tight confines of the cardboard box, trying not to gag at the smell of urine, coffee, and alcohol that filled every breath. Scuffs, scratches, and one particularly painful horn-gouge later, she managed to get her face in the same general area as the rest of her faces and whisper, “I think she’s making it up.”
“She’s our sister. She wouldn't lie to me. Us. Our friends.”
“I really have to take a piss. How long is this going to take?”
A wave of earth pony magic swept over the cramped box, and the scratch of clutching vines surrounding their prison grew to a roar. As one, each little alicorn closed their eyes and concentrated, their horns lighting up a soft magenta that filled the inside of the box.
Waht is she doing? She’s tooo close.
My hooves are on fire!
It just feels that way. Lean into the magic. Soak it in.
It hurtses! Ow!
An explosive wave of air smashed down on them, crushing them together on the rippling planks of the rapidly disintegrating stage with the cardboard of the box being held together by only the growing coils of vines and twisted saplings that sprang from the dry wood. Trixie was just a few paces away, held as flat against the stage by the power of pegasus magic as all three Monsters but with her horn glowing bright pink in the brilliant moonlight.
The combined power of earth pony and pegasus magic swelled into a bubble around the frail box in a tightly wound core of pure magic that the Monsters could scarcely breathe inside. It lapped at the edge of Trixie’s position in slow ripples while the world slowed to the little alicorn’s perceptions. They could see in all directions through the growing rents and tears in the cardboard, protected by only a red cloak and the three tattered Miss Smartypants dolls across each of their backs. The magic fairly seethed with unleashed power, needing only a spark to ignite it into an explosion of magic. And the glowing horns of the unicorns in the crowd looked to provide those sparks and more. Even Luna’s slightly-glazed expression did not stop her horn from blaring a brilliant indigo blue as she leaned forward in seeming slow-motion. Time slowed farther, the whipping of leaves across the stage reduced to a snail-like crawl under Monster’s combined power, colors cascading through ruddy crimson and oranges as the three Monsters absorbed the incoming magic.
Can’t absorb fast enough!
Too full!
It hurts!
All three looked at Trixie, laying flat against the crumbling stage while contributing her own magic to the spell. She was far too close to the focus point of the building spell, and the ominous glow of power from Luna as her horn lowered into position left no time to debate. A dome of magic appeared over Monster and Trixie, not the pink of Shining Armor’s shield, which would have reflected the incoming magic out into the crowd in a possibly fatal explosion of power, but a violet bubble of absorption that pulled at the bursting cascade of magic, drawing it into three little bodies that were inadequate to the task.
Burns!
Not let sister die!
Flickers of fire appeared on Trixie’s cloak as the power flared beyond the ability of Monster to control, only for the flames to go out like matches in a hurricane as a nova of pure power engulfed the center of the stage, soaking up every single bolt of unicorn magic like a thirsty sponge.
And in the middle of the power, Monster floated.
A bubble of impenetrable light surrounded Trixie, as easily conjured as a foal might take a step. Inside, the blue unicorn drifted, cut off from all time and space while Monster felt the pulse of the universe flow through her. There was only one being, not three that drew the magic of the town into herself, although at that moment she could have split her essence into a thousand forms without effort. It was a timeless experience, and nothing was beyond her magic for that fraction of an instant.
What would you do if you could do anything you wanted?
Magic could change anything. Cover the entire town in candy. Fix all of the old broken things in the library that Trixie complained about. Rebuild the Town Hall, no, improve the Town Hall. Give Trixie the wings she always desired.
You’re not letting me make my own decisions.
Chrysanthemum was out in the crowd, a speck of raspberry in a sea of colors to the eye, but to her magic, he was a brilliant flare of recognition. Shining Armor and Cadence had brought him along to hunt her when she was still an unthinking monster, and he had been the only unicorn in their group not to shoot at her. At the time, she thought it was because of his compassion, but she realized now it was because of his fear. Ponies like him wanted to control things, and feared that which they could not control.
She would not become like that.
If she used her magic to force change on others, she would be no better than he was. Other ponies would fear and hate her, just like his son hated him.
The moment passed.
Time began to speed once again.
There was only one thing that Monster wanted as the world rushed in, and it took almost no effort at all for her to do it.
Without magic.
~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~
The actinic glare of magic burst in a soft explosion of power, a warm blast of compressed air that blew manes back, and barely stirred the pulverized remains of the stage encircling a shallow crater where the ‘Transmorgifyer’ used to sit. Standing in the center of the crater, up on her hind legs in her traditional gesture of ‘Look At What I’ve Done’ stood Trixie.
And standing directly in front of her as the smoke cleared, was a single small alicorn wearing nothing but a timid smile, who spoke two words in the deafening silence that followed.
“Hey, Presto?”
~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~
It was a curious sensation indeed that filled every fibre of Trixie’s being. Moments ago, she was going to die in the middle of the most spectacular failure of a performance anypony had ever seen. From that point on, literally dying on stage would have been called ‘Pulling a Trixie,’ and her name would have been immortalized far more than she had ever wanted.
Now, she was being carried around town on the shoulders of cheering ponies, reveling in their admiration.
One moment: certain death. The next: celebration.
It certainly was not a dream, because if it were, she would have wings. She always did. But in a way, it was both worse and better than any dream she had ever had.
In the midst of the performance, there had been one transcendental moment at the point where the hairs on her ears had just begun to catch fire when she started to truly recognize the scale and scope of her screwup. But now in hindsight could she see the horrific risk she had placed, not only on Twilight and herself, but all of the ponies in the town. Had she failed, Twilight would have died, not only directly in front of her little friend’s eyes, but also due to their actions. Trixie would have been dead, Twilight would have been dead, and all of the little ponies in the town would have been traumatized far worse than anything they had ever been through, or even killed as the primal spell energy violently did whatever three or four different kinds of pony magic did when mixed.
Twilight Sparkle, even as mentally crippled and age-regressed as she was, had been more wise with a bowl of ice cream than The Great and Powerful Trixie, Student to Princess Celestia had been with all of the resources of her training and experience.
What if you do something that gets you killed?
And now, instead of being reduced to elemental particles and spread in a thin layer over Ponyville as she deserved, the town’s residents had hoisted her up on their shoulders and were carrying her around the plaza. There was no way that she should have escaped the shallow glassy crater that had replaced the stage, let alone winding up behind Menace just in time to accept the cheers and applause that shook the ground. She should have been dead, gone, toast, Princess Celestia’s ex-student, with an empty casket being placed in the ground and some small stone monument to recognize her past life. Well, a large monument. It was doubtful that even her parents would have made the trip from Neigh Orleans in order to pay their respects for their only child who had failed in such a dramatic fashion.
Before Twilight Sparkle, that would have been the extent of her failure. But now? Not only did the crazy little alicorn love her like a sister, but a dozen or so little unicorns thought she was the most fantastic thing on four hooves, Zecora had mentioned how much she appreciated Trixie’s help, and even Princess Luna seemed happy to join with Trixie in her favorite game of Let’s Make Green Grass Blush.
She had never thought of the hole she would leave behind if she died. Fame, glory and recognition was supposed to be eternal as wings and a horn, but the pure joy she was experiencing as the townsponies carried her around the plaza on their shoulders would be gone by tomorrow, living only as memories. Well, plus a crater where the stage used to be and the distinct memory of telling the Mayor to add the damages to her bill while lost in the rapture of the impromptu parade.
Their first triumphant circling of the plaza finished, Trixie could not help but notice the buzz of excitement had worn off of Menace, giving way to her normal furtive glances towards someplace to hide. With a wave of her hoof, Trixie commanded the processional to stop for a moment with the excuse of ‘Little Filly Bathroom Break,’ and saw Menace off to the coffee shop under the watchful eye of her mother. Trotting to the little alicorn’s other side was the Princess of the Night, looking much more alert and wakeful as she cast a single look backwards just before they entered the shop.
Celestia was noted as being able to convey a whole sentence in a single look; Luna’s look could have been written up as a thesis. It was reassuring, encouraging Trixie to enjoy her moment of praise while a subtle reminder not to get too carried away with the celebration. There was also a bit of praise in it, a gentle hoof on the back that indicated the Princess of the Moon both respected and trusted her sister’s student, and although Trixie would much rather have had a huge statue with that emblazoned across the front, one took what one could get. There was also a teeny, tiny part of it that leaked out around the edges that indicated Princess Luna had not been as lost to the Oneness of the Bean as she seemed, and that at any moment if anything had gone wrong in any way, she would have flung herself forward to protect Twilight, and possibly Trixie if she had been in a convenient location and it was not too much trouble.
Years of interpreting Celestia’s body language also cued Trixie to a certain spring to her trot that indicated when Whippoorwill's father came back to his coffee shop, there was going to be a rather large hole in the wall in his kitchen, and a matching rather large bag of bits to compensate for it. The sight would have made Trixie feel a little more comfortable except for the brief glance she had caught of Pinkie Pie escaping from the shop with a thermos tucked under one leg, but that was somepony else’s problem for now.
“Once more around the block!” she cried out to the cheering crowd. “And strike up the band! It’s time for dancing!”
~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~
The sound of flushing preceded a very small and very meek little alicorn as she shuffled out of the bathroom, looking considerably more relieved and a little damp around the face. Zecora nudged her gently from behind when she stopped upon seeing Luna waiting for her, taking several bumps until Monster finally shuffled forward and bowed down in the coffee shop main room.
“I’m s-sorry, Princess Luna.”
“As well you should be, Twilight Sparkle. Walk with us.” Between the formal glare and the thin-lipped frown, it was obvious that Princess Luna was upset, but Monster could see the faint traces of tears on Luna’s face too, as well as a small smile that threatened to escape at any moment. She led Monster up the stairs to the table full of paperwork where Green Grass was still working and gestured for her to be seated on a bench that showed signs of recent cleaning.
“Thou hast put thyself in great danger by thy actions, and it was only by the actions of your sister that a horrific disaster has been averted.” At that, the smile did make an escape, but only to temper her expression into something that Monster could actually look at without bursting into tears or hiding under the table.
“I almost lost my little sister. My experiences with being a big sister are far too few for you to take such risks, Twilight Sparkle. You must learn from your mistakes, not simply seek to build upon them.” An explosion of noise outside that resolved into a country band vigorously hammering on their instruments after their break made both of the alicorns jump slightly, although Luna spent a considerable time with her head cocked to one side before returning to their conversation.
“We shall never understand modern music. In any case, can you tell me what it is that you did wrong, so that you might not repeat your folly?”
“Well.” Monster considered the issue briefly. “When I was doing the space-mass tensor deconstruction, I think the rounding errors on the formula added instead of cancelling each other out, giving me an energy imbalance across—”
“No.” Luna placed both of her forehooves over her face and sighed. “No,” she repeated, slightly muffled. “Just… No.”
“Please allow me, Your Highness, to phrase the question with more success.” Zecora moved up to stand next to Princess Luna at her nod, and turned to her adopted child. “Consider your decisions, my daughter, and not your power. At what time did your decision turn sour?”
“When I decided to s-split myself into three parts so I could b-be with you and Trixie and m-my friends,” sniffled Monster.
“But that did not work out in the end, for when I found you, I saw no friends.”
“W-well, Trixie had to go help with the f-fireworks, and my friends went to watch them, but I was to b-busy building the coffee machine to go with them…” Monster sniffled to a stop. “Should I have only split myself twice, or maybe—”
Now it was Zecora’s turn to apply a hoof to her forehead.
“May I take a shot at this, Your Highness?” Green Grass stepped forward at Luna’s nod and passed Monster several sheets of paper across the table. “Your evaluation is complete, Twilight. Here’s your scoring sheet, the standard list of descriptions and explanation of the codes, and your approved spell list to this point. I’ve included a number of study sheets listing a progression of spells you should be learning over the next six months until the next Youth Educational Specialist visits Ponyville, and an exception form if you find any spell you would like to practice that is not on the list. Just fill it out and have it approved by your certified instructor before you start to work, and make sure they supervise you during any attempted casting.”
Zecora looked over her adopted daughter’s shoulder as she examined the papers, smiling and saying, “Your list, it seems, is limited in scope, but my Flower is not some ordinary dope. Her skills may be raw and unrefined, but they need the guidance of her own kind.”
The back door to the coffee shop banged open before Trixie staggered in with a shout. And with a slightly different hat.
“Yee-haw! I’m startin’ to like this town, yes sir-ree.”
“Oh, give it a rest,” said Applejack, trotting inside right behind her. “You dance one square dance with Big Mac and you think you’re all countryfied. And gimmie back mah hat!”
“Speaking of certified dopes,” whispered Green Grass as the two exchanged hats. “Trixie, could we see you for a moment?”
“Eenope!” With a swirl of her cape and a burst of smoke, Trixie vanished from the hallway, leaving only Applejack blinking and coughing. “But you can talk to me all you want,” said a voice out of thin air. “Oh, Your Highness. Sorry, I didn’t see you standing up there.” The blue unicorn faded back into view with a smile and a sweep of her familiar hat.
“Trixie Lulamoon, come here.”
Even after the Royal Command, Trixie still had a bit of a swagger to her walk as she trotted up the stairs and dropped into the seat next to Monster, although that cocky attitude vanished with Luna’s next words.
“Twilight Sparkle’s magical education was your responsibility.” Ignoring the way Green Grass edged slightly away from Trixie, Luna continued in a low and very serious voice. “What do you have to say for yourself, young mare?”
“I didn’t use any time spells,” blurted out Monster.
“And why not?” asked Trixie, turning to face her as if Luna was not standing at the end of the table.
“Because you would be mad at me,” sniffled Monster, trying to slump down under the table again.
“Sit up. Come on, up on the bench and look at me.” Trixie leaned in close to the little alicorn and whispered, “Do you know why I’m just a teensie, weensie little bit mad at you? Because you didn’t tell me about your spell so I could watch. I don’t know if I would have been smart enough to stop you before casting it, or even if I would have encouraged you, but you didn’t even give me a chance. I must have botched up hundreds of spells during training, but always under the supervision of somepony else who can catch and fix my screwups. I’ve never been on the other end of the idiot stick, and I really wanted to see what it feels like.”
“You were going to die,” whispered Monster.
“I know,” whispered Trixie back. “But I didn’t. And even if I had screwed up bigger than you, I had the most powerful alicorn in Equestria right behind me. A mare’s reach must exceed their grasp—”
“Or what are the heavens for?” said Monster, finally lifting her head up to look Trixie in the eyes.
“You have a potential far greater than any alicorn in existence, Menace. I’ll bet that even someday Princess Celestia will be asking for your help with spells. I may never get my wings, but I can help you fly, and that will give me far greater immortality than any feathers.”
“You can fly?” asked Monster, cocking her head to one side.
“Figuratively,” said Green Grass. “Although she did play Princess Whinnyfred one year in our drama class. Broke two wire harnesses in practice before—”
“Anyway,” said Trixie. “You’re not going to do any more neat spells like that without me, right? I want you to promise.”
Monster did the ritual with the pretend cupcake in a somewhat half-hearted fashion, and accepted the kiss on the top of the head from both Trixie and Zecora with an uncomfortable squirm.
“Very well,” said Princess Luna. “We shall take you at your word, Twilight Sparkle. If there is nothing else, I would go out into the celebration and practice this ‘Dancing in Squares’ that Trixie spoke of. Although we shall need a partner…”
With a twitch that looked a little as if he had been poked by a pin, Green Grass spoke up. “I would be honored to escort you to the dance, Princess Luna, except I have completed my evaluations of the young students here and am ready to return to Canterlot on the night train with my father in—” he pulled a watch out of one of his pockets and consulted it “—less than twenty minutes.”
“What of your butterfly bride?” asked Luna.
This time Green Grass looked to the bottom of the stairs where his father was waiting before responding. “I have an obligation to fulfill. The law is quite clear in that regard. As long as my parents wish me to wed Lady Swamp Flower, and she is willing, I have no choice in the matter.”
“Wedding license,” said Monster with a twitch. “Princess, you need to sign the licenses for the weddings tonight.” She picked a stack of paper up and pushed it over towards the princess, along with a quill and ink. “Trixie and I got them all done.”
“Quite a thick stack of papers,” said Luna. “The mayor told me that she fills but one sheet for weddings. Did I somehow wed the entire town?”
“Forms,” mumbled Monster. “Non-residents, address changes, things like that.”
“Hm…” Luna flipped through the stack of papers like a gambler dealing cards, pausing twice to dot an i or cross a t in the middle of the pile while adding her signature to the lines on the forms that required it. “Seems to be quite a waste of good papers,” she grumbled in a somewhat pleased fashion, wielding her pen like a rapier until she paused on one particular sheet about three quarters of the way down.
“Lord Green Grass,” she said, interrupting the young colt as he packed up his bags. “In the event I should accede to your request. Would you be happy?”
To his credit, Green Grass only hesitated for a moment while packing his papers. “I think… No. Little ponies are where my heart lies. Seeing the way their eyes light up when they cast their first spell, or how they pour their little hearts into making even the smallest of sparks, that is where I will find happiness.”
“I see.” Luna turned her head to look down the stairs at where Baron Chrysanthemum was impatiently waiting for his son. “And will becoming Lord Green Grass of Marshon give you happiness?”
This time Green Grass waited a much longer time before responding. “No. But I believe I can endure it.”
Making a noncommittal noise, Luna returned to her signing, finishing the stack with a flourish and a glow of her horn that duplicated it perfectly into three new piles. “Specialist Pumpernickel and Laminia, please come forward.”
A shadow passed over the open window and both dark pegasi appeared next to the table, making Trixie gasp in surprise and Green Grass spill a pile of papers over the floor. Luna placed one stack of papers in Laminia’s saddle bag, then floated a much shorter stack over to the quiet mare.
“Regardless of the wisdom of my action, you two are now officially married. Take the copies of the forms to Canterlot and see that they are properly filed. Afterwards, you both may have the rest of the evening off. Dismissed.” Pumpernickel got as far as to open his mouth before Laminia dragged him out the window and up into the sky in a flurry of membranous wings.
Turning to the mayor, who had been hovering discretely just out of earshot, Luna floated the second pile of papers over to her. “I presume you can still file these duplicate forms this evening, Madam Mayor?”
Once the mayor had scurried away to deposit her paperwork, Luna turned to Zecora and Tallgrass. Peeling off a significant number of papers from the stack and floating them over to the blushing zebra mare, she said, “I must say, yours is the most unusual wedding I have ever presided over to the present. May what we have joined together in holy matrimony never be parted.”
“Thank you, Princess Luna, for the gift of your time. We appreciate your presence, for both Flower’s and mine.”
Tallgrass cleared his throat.
Zecora blushed. “I mean for my husband and I, our thanks we give. And Flower too, as long as we live.”
The two of them stepped to one side to get out of the way as Luna turned to face the departing tutor, who was plodding down the stairs as if he were going to a funeral.
“Lord Green Grass.” The young colt froze on the stairs. “Turn around.”
Luna patiently waited as Green Grass rotated in place with one box on his back and a suitcase gripped in his mouth. Waiting until he sat the suitcase down and composed his features, she continued.
“I regret to inform you that your plea for my hoof in marriage is hereby rejected. We sincerely hope that your life with your new wife will be filled with joy, and wish the two of you a happy life together. What the stars have joined together, let no mortal tear asunder.”
Turning to Trixie, Luna floated the remaining stack of papers to her. “You may kiss the groom.”