//------------------------------// // MMMM....Alcohol...and Alcoholics (One more~Drinking song! Pull up a seat, an' sing along~ One more~Drinking song!) // Story: It's Time to MANNE UP! // by ConnorTempest //------------------------------// "Eh...Home? Pyro, ya think ya hit your head a bit too hard? Did, Didja get into Demo's 'Scrumpy box'?" said a concerned Scout, turning toward the Medic he said, "Doc, back me up." The Medic sighed, turning toward Pyro he asked, "Vell, I guess it's time to come clean, vhat do you zink?" "Aye, they have a right ta know." Pyro responded to the Doctor with a nod. "WHOA, WHOA, Hold on! Doc, don't joke with me like that! I prefer your gore obsession over this....this...this...whatever this is!" Scout yelled, motioning all around him. "Oh, shaddup and listen," Medic responded, "Anyvay, I don't zink ve vill be able to go back so easily...we may spend forever here, I'd like to make introductions soon, and go on a vacation. Now, I'll go first. *AHEM* My Benennung es Doktor Edvard Richtofen, I have been traveling vis zhe vone you know as Pyro." "Ehm...traveling? Doc...you don't travel...you cause murder sprees...and use the bus." the Scout said. "Vell, zis might take a vhile...ehh....find a log or somezing to sit on." The Doctor told the rest. At that they all popped down onto their haunches. "Lets see...vere to begin...Vell, it all started vis a meteorite filled vis a new substance, coined element von-von-five..." ~~~ "...Und zen zhe excavation teams uncovered...I'm not really sure exactly vhat...but zat is vat started it. Creatures affected by zhe strange element vere buried down zere...zhe most accurate vay I can describe zem is...zombies...thousands of zem...zey also managed to infect some of zhe members wearing experimental Panzer suits...vat a pain zey vere, let me tell you... ~~~ ...Und ve 'saved' Samantha as she promised to vatch over us...however...ven I stepped in zhe portal...somezing vent wrong...I vas teleported to London, vere I met Pyro...strangely zey also had a zombie-like creatures problem as vell....small vorld...or vorlds as it vould be. Anyvay, Pyro vas part of a group of 'paid exterminators'...pretty much a mercenary team...As I vas saying, Pyro und his team ended up saving me from zese beasts...via scyth....After zat a bunch of nonsensical bullshit happened, und eventually ve managed to find yet anozer portal...amazing vat forty-two blocks of C4 can do, hehehe. ...Zen ve finally parted ways, however fate vould have it zat ve vere to meet again...unlikely at least...impossible at most...I took it as a sign...and promised him I vould...continue to accompany him thought his journey; in return he said he vould give me a new life. ....Und zats how I got my medical license...ze real vone...vhich I DIDN'T lose. ...From zen on, Archimedes has been traveling vis us." ~~~ As the good doctor finished his tales he look toward his team, all of whom (save for the Pyro) had their mouths open, nearly touching the ground. With a quick shake of his head the Scout focused. "So...lemme' get this straight, Pyro an you are a buncha dimension travelers and that you've both fought demons, aliens, ghost, zombies, gods, goddesses, demi-gods, fallen gods, other kinds of gods....did I mention gods?" He said. "Vell, Ja. Although I don't know much of the story, Pyro still has his half of ze story, may be longer...time vorks oddly in zese...situations." Edward responded. Pyro popped his head in and added, "Too be fair, I've been a god or goddess a time or two as well....or ten....I lost count." At this Scout just threw his hooves in the air, "I don't care anymore! I JUST GIVE UP!" he shouted. "Err....on what?" asked the Heavy. "On trying to understand anything anymore." Scout replied in defeat. "Try and think about simple things....like sandvich...or baseball...or guns." Heavy said with a smile. Scout returned it with one of his own, "hehe, yah...I guess that'll work, thanks big guy." Just then a though crossed his mind, "Umm...where did the Demo go?" he asked, the drunkard missing from the group. At that Pyro raised a hoof, "Well, when it comes to that lug, I say let's head to the bar!" He yelled, pointing toward town." ~~~~ Elsewhere, a stumbling, somewhat sober, brown earth pony, through some miracle, managed to find a bar and swagger in. The name of said bar, The Hammered Mare. With the ease and agility that should not be able to be achieved by any sort of drunken (or somewhat drunken) creature, the Demo found himself a chair at the bar and sat down...again with complete control. The Bartender saw him and raised an eye, "Normally ponies are drunk when they leave here...this is the first time one entered drunk." Behind him a purple hoof grabbed his shoulder, turning around he found it was Berry Punch...the unofficial town drunk...and owner of a vast chain of restaurants and bars. "A newcomer has FINALLY arrived! I wanna see what he's made of." she said with a grin. Oh dear...this...actually this may be good. thought the Bartender before he asked, "So....do I bring out the-" "EVERYTHING!" Shouted Berry. "Ever-loving Luna help us." prayed the Bartender. Berry Punch ignored his comment and walked up to the Demo. "OI! I don't remember you, That must mean you're new...within a year or so at least, anyhow since this is your first time here, drinks are on me...if you can beat me." The Demo raised his head, showing all his eye-patch, slurring out nonsense. Somehow Berry was able to understand, nodding her head as she set two glasses down. "Tavish Finnegan DeGroot, eh? Nice name, I'm Berry Punch...now we drink to new friends!" 15 minutes later.... "Agaghgaghgahgaghagh...." said the now drunk Berry Punch. In response Tavish put a hoof around her shoulder as he said, "Auauugghugh..." taking anther swig. To the side the Bartender wiped away a tear, "This is beatiful...*Sniff*...they're so freaking adorable!" A random pony walked up to him and asked, "Wow, the new guy's holding his own...how far into it are they?" Without a word the Bartender pointed to a pile of bottles, stacked high to the ceiling...five rows of such. The ponys mouth hung open until he finally managed out, "W-What!? Isn't that, I don't know...LEATHAL?" ` His response was a nod from the Bartender. Back to the two drunkards. They were exchanging stories and the like, and now were singing their favorite drinking songs. They were also dressed as pirates, Tavish wearing his Bolted Bicorn, which had floating beer bottles dancing around it. Berry on the other-hoof was wearing one of Tavishs spare eye-patches and his Buccaneer's Bicorn. ~♪ "Gather 'round ye lads and lasses, set ye for a while, and harken to me mournful tale about the Emerald Isle. Let's all raise our glasses high to friends and family gone, and lift our voices in another Irish drinkin' song. Consumption took me mother and me father got the pox, me brother drank the whiskey 'till he wound up in a box. Me other brother in the troubles met with his demise, me sister has forever closed her smilin' Irish eyes. Now everybody's died, so until our tears are dried, we'll drink and drink and drink and drink and then we'll drink some more. We'll dance and sing and fight until the early mornin' light, then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and then go drinkin' once again. Ken was killed in Kilkenny and Claire she died in Clare, Tip from Tipperary died out in the Derry air. Shannon jumped into the river Shannon back in June, Ernie fell into the urn and Tom is in the tomb. "Cleanliness is godliness," me Uncle Pat would sing, he broke his neck a-slippin' on a bar of Irish Spring. O'Grady he was eighty, 'tho his bride was just a pup, he died upon the honeymoon when she got his Irish up (OI!). Now everybody's died, so until our tears are dried, we'll drink and drink and drink and drink and then we'll drink some more. We'll dance and sing and fight until the early mornin' light, then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and then go drinkin' once again. Joe Murphy fought with Reilly near the cliffs of Alderney, he took out his shillelagh and he stabbed him in the spleen. Crazy Uncle Mike thought he was a leprechaun, but in fact he's just a leper and his arms and legs are gone. When Timmy Johnson broke his neck it was a cryin' shame, he wasn't really Irish, but he went to Notre Dame. MacNamara crossed the street and by a bus was hit, but he was just a Scotsman so nobody gave a shi- (OCH!). Now everybody's died, so until our tears are dried, we'll drink and drink and drink and drink and then we'll drink some more. We'll dance and sing and fight until the early mornin' light, then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and then go drinkin' once again. Ole!! Drunken Uncle Brendan tried to drive home from the bar, the road rose up to meet when he fell out of his car. Irony was what befell me Great Grand Uncle Sam, He choked upon the very last potato in the land. Connor lived in Ulster town, he used to smuggle arms, until the British killed him and cut off his lucky charms. And dear old Father Flanagan who left the Lord's employ, drunk on sacramental wine beneath the altar boy (HEY!). Now everybody's died, so until our tears are dried, we'll drink and drink and drink and drink and then we'll drink some more. We'll dance and sing and fight until the early mornin' light, then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and then go drinkin' once again. Someday soon I'll leave this world of pain and toil and sin, the Lord will take me by the hand to join all of me kin. Me only wish is when the Savior comes for me and you, He kills the cast of Riverdance and Michael Flatley too. Now everybody's died, so until our tears are Dried, we'll drink and drink and drink and drink and then we'll drink some more. We'll dance and sing and fight until the early mornin' light, then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and then go drinkin' once again, then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and then go drinkin' once again, then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and then go drinkin' once again. Berry tapped Finnegans shoulder and chose the next one. "Drink this beer, Drink this beer One, Two, Three, More Together we can drink this keg One, Two, Three, Four Down, Down go the drinks Hammer those shots, pour some more Seeing a hot chick get on the floor Grab a new drink and have some more *HIC* *EEERRRRPPP* Crush those cans, Crush those cans One, Two, Three, Four Losing track of my drinks One, Five Three, Eight Finish that drink, puke in the sink Partying hard, you're doing great Getting real smashed just like you should Pounds those shots, it's all good WHHHHEEEEEEEEEE Raise your drink Raise your drink One, Two, Three, Four How many cops are at the door One, Two Three, Four Climbing up from the ground Have my keys been fucking found Pop your collar and now your bro Grab some rum and here we go Look at us were fuckin drunk Drinking together, don't grab my junk We drunkards we are proud to say We drink all night and fight all day Drown your sorrows, it's all right When in doubt, just start a fight The room is spinning round and round Hold your liquor and don't fall down Berry Drunk, Berry Drunk One, Two, Three, More How fingers do you see One, Two, Three, Four Take your lagers ales and stouts Drink until the tap runs out Slutty Chicks are all the rage Just make sure she's of legal age We raised some hell, we raised some hell Yes we did Together we sure raised some hell Yes we did Drinking together counts the most I think I drank a lethal dose All we need to make this night Is start a fucking bar fiiiiight" The Demo walked up to a piano and started playing it. ~♪ "I really love my Alcohol It makes me really Queer I start myself with Bourbon Wash it down with some cheap beer And then I chug some Red Wine Drinking Vodka is not enough Don't give me Gin and Tonic Man that drink is pussy stuff Then I go for some Jack Daniels But I add a little twist I throw some Absynthe in the cup To make the bestest mix Now I'm starting to feel the buzz But I'm still a ways away Man I better drink this Green Label Six glasses makes my day Now I think it's safe to say That I'm no longer in a funk *hic* Cause I've drunk enough to kill a horse I'm finally fucking drunk! *thud* They returned to the bar and Tavish sung alone. "It's a cold dark world in which we're living And it takes some time to get things right If you feel dark, cold, and unforgiven It may take a sip to see the light Just another drink to clear my brain Just another drink to ease the pain You started out wasted And then you were lonely I'm so close that I can taste it You could be my one and only You started out frantic When it came down to the crunch Oh no, you didn't panic You could be my berry punch You may wake afraid and lost and lonely And you may not remember all the night In despair, you realize you're just annoying Take another drink, it'll be alright Just another drink to clear my brain Just another drink to tell me I am not the one to blame You started out wasted And then you were lonely I'm so close that I can taste it You could be my one and only You started out frantic When it came down to the crunch Oh no, you didn't panic You could be my berry punch If you weren't such a rigid soul in sobriety You wouldn't have to long to lose control, humble piety's not for me You started out wasted And then you were lonely I'm so close that I can taste it You could be my one and only You started out frantic When it came down to the crunch Oh no, you didn't panic You could be my berry punch Berry spend your time with me Berry I'm the one you need Berry, I won't let you sink back into loneliness And wallow in your foolish mess We've seen ourselves at worst and best You started out wasted And then you were lonely I'm so close that I can taste it You could be my one and only You started out frantic When it came down to the crunch Oh no, you didn't panic You could be my berry punch" At the end of Tavishs song they both fell down, with a level of drunkenness that can only be described as legendary. The Bartender walked up to the two of them and put a blanket over them, smiling. "I'd ship em'...Ship em' like Derp Mail..."