//------------------------------// // Mother's Heart // Story: Mother of the Moon // by Noble Thought //------------------------------// The glass door stood in front of her, both beckoning and warning her away. It had seemed so simple just seconds ago. But now that she was at the threshold of the future, her heart fluttered. Possible outcomes raced through her mind, too quickly to grasp hold of and examine, and others all too possible that lingered and stabbed at her.   Luna screamed her hatred at Celestia. She laughed, and said she always knew. She abandoned Celestia to eternal solitude. She blamed herself for everything. They were all possible, but none of them helpful and too many of them bleak.   Behind her, Shining Light coughed. “Remember that you love her. Don’t think about how much it scares you. You aren’t important right now.” He nodded towards Luna. “She is.”   She glanced back at him, a wan smile passing across her lips while her stomach fluttered. “I know, but it’s hard to let go of the fear.”   “Do you want me to come with you?” He took a hesitant step forward, but she saw his eyes flick to the edges of the window. “I can, but I’d rather not give the whisperers any more fuel too soon.”   “I want you to.” She turned her attention back to her daughter, but her eyes also scanned the sky, looking for the patrol of pegasi that would be coming by soon. “But you’re right. I’d rather not give the Solarium more food than is necessary.”   Still, she hesitated, and glanced back at him. The selfish part of her wanted her first moments with their daughter to be by herself, but she also wanted him to be there, and damn the Solarium.   “Think of it like this, Summer: it’s like giving birth to her again. You can relive your first moments together, all over again. Nopony should be there yet. Let her know you as her mother first, then I can be there too.” He nodded to the door and opened it with a spell. “Go to her, Summer. I’ll be here.”   She took her first steps into the future as a mother, walking along the traditions of the past.     Luna frowned at the horizon. The forms and order of the spell she was trying to remember felt jumbled somehow, and the ether wasn’t being particularly helpful either. She tried to start the spell several times, but it felt like she was starting at the wrong point.   Stop stalling, Luna. Shiny won’t be able to keep your sister occupied forever.   The spell, then. She closed her eyes and focused back to the last time she’d listened to her sister calling the sun. It started with a spark, the waking call, wrapped up in a memory of warm light and the golden red glow peeking above the horizon.   Finally, the ether accepted her will and guided her through the first part of the spell, describing the sun, but then the guidance faltered when she started trying to describe the arc of the sun in the sky. It felt like the ether was uncertain. Her own memory was no help. The description of the motion of the sun was the part she always lost track.   ‘Tia didn’t need to build the construct first and then power it, she built the construct and powered it as she went. The moment when the sun first came above the horizon was where Luna lost track every time, when its song became one of harmonious joy at being greeted by an old friend again.   The spell began to wither as her concentration faltered, and Luna pushed more magic into it to keep it steady, but it only faded faster the more she pushed into it.   “Careful, Luna. You don’t want to—”   She jumped and pushed away from the railing. She lost her balance and fell backwards as the spell overloaded, sizzling in the air. There was a flash of white feathers and a golden haze as her sister’s wing swept over her.   The spell snapped apart, flinging hot streamers of magic against the quarter dome of golden light hovering above the outstretched wing. The smell of singed stone and burnt leaves drifted through the air, swiftly fading in the pre-dawn breeze.   “‘Tia! You scared me!” She shoved the wing away with a rough hoof to see her sister staring down at her. Why is she crying? A soft patter of tears fell onto her cheeks. The Mysterious Mission was a failure. Except that Celestia was also smiling. Why?   “I’m sorry to startle you, Luna. I had to come out here.”   “You were supposed to be asleep! Or at least distracted. Shiny— Shining Light told me he’d distract you so I could let you sleep in and surprise you later.”   “I know, sweetie.” Celestia stroked her cheek. “He told me.”   “B-but he said—”   “I wasn’t sleeping, Luna. I have trouble sleeping some days.” A bit of Celestia’s rose hued mane, wrapped in golden light, stroked away the tears.   “I know. I’ve seen you crying. But you never let me comfort you.” She jabbed a hoof up at her sister, brushing aside the mane. “You always comfort me! Aren’t sisters supposed to help each other?” She hooked her hoof around Celestia’s and held it close. “Aren’t they?”   “Sisters are, yes. Good sisters, at least.” Celestia looked away. Luna could see the pain in the set of her jaw. “I haven’t been a very good sister.”   There was something underneath that statement. Luna could just feel it. “You’ve been hiding things from me.”   “I have.” Celestia looked down at her again, and let go of a heavy sigh. “Far more than I should have. I want to tell you everything, Luna. And I will. But first, we need to raise the sun. I’d rather not have the Solarium wondering why I was late to bring it up.”   “We?” Again, Luna could feel the weight of something important unspoken underneath her sister’s tone. The Mysterious Mission was back on, and more mysterious than ever.   “You and I. Together.” Celestia stepped back and bent down to nuzzle her and push her up to her feet.   Luna rolled over and stood, fluttering her wings to get the dust off her back. “I would like that, ‘Tia. But I’ve never done something like that before. Is it hard?”   “Not at all. You can feel the ether better than I could at your age. Follow my lead and put everything you have into the spell. No construct this time, just the spell.”   Celestia stood quietly while Luna cleared her mind again. It was hard. There was so much swirling around in her mind, so many questions that she wanted to ask, that it was hard to let them all go and focus on just the memories of sunlight and warmth that she would need to put into the spell.   But she managed it. “I’m ready.”   Celestia’s horn lit up and Luna felt her will press into the ether. Celestia was putting all of her magic into the spell as well. She could feel the ether humming, nearly audibly, against her horn. She’d never felt it that powerfully before, not that she could remember.   A second passed, then Luna called on her magic and pressed her will into the ether right behind her sister’s and followed along, amplifying the golden light with her own midnight blue.   The mix of colors was awe inspiring, and it felt like the sunrise was glowing right in front of her, not inches away. The humming as well increased, and she began to hear the music of the sun. The spell was calling right then to the sun, and it was responding to them just as immediately.   The more of the spell they finished, the louder the hum became and the brighter the light swelling between them grew. More than that, she could feel Celestia’s love for her glowing in the trail she left behind for her to follow. Her sister was putting much more than magic into the spell, she was putting a part of herself into it: the love she felt for Luna.   It hurt not to focus on that warm feeling, but it wasn’t something that she would, or could, ever forget. It went deeper than she could have thought, and she could feel something else just below the surface. It infused Celestia’s magic and, through the spell they crafted together, it poured into the sun.   Then the sun rose above the horizon, and the sound of its music spread across the land. Luna could feel it, touching every living thing, and when it touched her finally, she wanted to weep for its beauty. Luna couldn’t remember another sunrise quite like it, and she burst into tears when the first light touched her face, an almost physical presence. It felt like her mother’s love, reflected back to her from the rising sun.   Mother?   “Yes, Luna.”   She hadn’t realized she’d said it aloud. So many things fell into place at that moment: Celestia’s constant mothering, her blind panic when Luna had gotten lost in the castle, and the way she always tried to be strong when Luna came to her.   I have a mother.   “And she loves you so very much.” Celestia’s voice cracked and she gasped a sharp breath.   She hadn’t spoken it out loud. She realized, then, that her magic and Celestia’s were so entwined that she could hear her mother’s thoughts as well. They were anything but neat.   They were chaotic, ranging from grief over the time lost between mother and daughter, and worries over whether she would accept her mother, to feelings of love that warmed Luna’s heart, and a fear of loss that chilled her soul.   Then the spell faded and Luna was left alone with her thoughts. She looked up to see Celestia looking down at her, eyes shining and trails of tears winding down her cheeks. There was everything she’d felt in the magical wash of emotion there, on her mother’s face. She knew it was true.   “Mom?”   Celestia nodded, her smile breaking. “Yes, sweetie.”   “Why couldn’t you tell me?! Why?! Why couldn’t—?!” She leapt forward, hooves raised. But she couldn’t. She pressed her face in her mother’s chest instead, eyes closed and breathed in through a nose that felt too stuffy. Why does it hurt so much? Sobbing, she clutched her legs around Celestia’s.   A strong, but shaking, hoof on her back pulled her closer. She tried to say something, anything, but every time she opened her mouth, all that came out was another sob. Her mother’s chest shook under her cheek, and she realized that Celestia was crying too, as hard as she was. The pitter-patter of tears on her mane told her that her mother was hurting too.   She’d come to make her sister feel better, and now her mother was crying harder than she’d ever seen. She wanted to say something, but so much wanted to come out, so many things she wanted to say, and ask. But nothing came when she opened her mouth to say them except another sob and a twist of pain shooting through her chest.   But the pain bled away with her tears, and the rising sun with its steady warmth on her back reminded her of the spell and the mixing of their emotion and thoughts. The sun’s song through the ether still played a muted reminder of that first moment of realization. Whatever else happened to make her keep the secret so long, her mother loved her. She knew that.   And Luna loved her back. Sister or mother, she loved Celestia. That had to be enough. Somehow, she felt it would be, in the end.   The sun rose farther, and two more patrols went by before Celestia felt she was calm enough to say anything coherent. The Solarium was going to have a lot to say to her later, but they would wait. Her daughter, and Shining Light, came first.   “We can’t stay out here too long, Luna. Your father is waiting to meet you.”     Shining Light waited in the chambers, watching mother and daughter meet for the first time. The bond between mother and daughter was special, and he was glad that it had been so special. He was also jealous of Celestia for being the first to greet her. Not greatly jealous, since it was his idea for her to go alone at first. It still hurt, but some sacrifices had to be made.   But the sun’s raising that morning had been something wondrous. He felt again the rising of the sun, the sense of absolute joy pouring over him, and warmth beyond the light of the sun that spread throughout his whole being. If that was what Celestia felt every morning when she raised the sun, then it was no wonder that she was always happiest right after the sunrise, and why her smile when she stepped out of her chambers was so radiant and her voice so cheerful.   For her, it usually lasted until the first meeting of the day. He would hold onto it for the rest of his life.   He checked again the spell he’d woven across the door to dampen sound. It wasn’t his best spell, but it would have to do.   Celestia and Luna finally parted their embrace and looked at the bank of windows. His heart almost stopped beating. He stopped his restless pacing for all of the half a heartbeat it took for Celestia to say something he didn’t hear, and then they were coming.   Another quick check of the spell told him it was stable. He paced back to the center of the room. Then sidestepped to the left. He glanced at his daughter, then sidestepped to the right again and planted his rear. Steady yourself. This isn’t going to end badly.   He closed his eyes for the length of a long, deep breath, and opened them again when he heard the glass door open.   There she was. His dark coated daughter, tears still streaming down her cheeks. He laughed, then took a step forward and stopped.   “Shining?” Luna’s voice quavered and broke. “You? You’re m-my dad?”   The world blurred, and he quickly blinked away the tears, only to have more come forth. It shouldn’t be this painful! I see her almost every day!   Another part of him chimed in, It’s not every day that you get to greet her as your daughter for the first time.   “Yes!” He choked the word out and didn’t bother to blink away the tears. They would just come back anyway. “Luna, I love you so much!”   She rushed him, her wings fluttering, and threw herself at him. He caught her, just barely, in a spell, and rolled backwards to hold her above him. He laughed, tears streaming down his cheeks.   She laughed and cried with him. “Shining! You’re my dad!”   “Yes, Luna. I’ve wanted so badly to tell you, all these years.” He let the spell fade and wrapped her up in a tight hug. Everything else he wanted to say, all the excuses just fell out of his mind with his daughter held close. His throat felt pinched, but he wanted to say it again. “I love you so much.”   “I know, dad.” Her voice shook, and cracked.     Luna lay between her mother and father on the bed, surrounded by a love she hadn’t known was missing until she had it. They were sleeping, she thought, napping in the early afternoon. It felt good. It wasn’t without its peril, of course, just laying in the afternoon sun doing nothing but being together.   Celestia had sent a scroll out, stating she was feeling ill and would be putting off her appointments for the day until she felt more at ease.   Later, Shining Light had snuck out to make an appearance around the castle and be seen elsewhere before he went to consult with the princess, quite openly, about matters of the guard’s disposition that he insisted just couldn’t wait.   It hurt that they had to tiptoe around the truth, that they had to make up further falsehoods just to be a family, and that they had made it very clear that this was between them only, for now.   But now she had a father. She had a mother. She had a family besides a sister. She even knew a little of why they hadn’t told her, and little bits and pieces of dialogue that she’d heard in her seeking out of mysteries and secrets began to make sense. Members of the Solarium who stared at her, then whispered to each other behind a close hoof or a not so discreet wing.   They made sense, knowing what she did after her mother’s revelation and seeing her father for the first time. Shining Light was the best father she could hope for. He’d always tried to be a father to her, she could see. It hurt her that he couldn’t in public still, but it made sense.   It made sense why Celestia had had to move Luna to her own private chambers after she’d gotten her cutie mark.   It even made sense why Celestia hadn’t thought she could tell Luna the truth before.   But it still hurt.   She settled her head down between her parents and felt them stir. She lay awake, trying to push aside the hurt she felt. But it clung to her heart, a pall on the happiness that suffused the rest of her. But, she had a mother.   “Mom?”   “Yes, sweetheart?” Celestia shifted onto her side and stroked Luna’s cheek with a hoof.   “I want to just be happy that you’re my mom.” She pressed her cheek into the hoof and looked up. “I don’t want it to hurt. I know why. But I don’t want it to.”   “It will hurt, my sweet child. I am so sorry that it does, and I wish it didn’t. I have wished so much that I could just give up the throne and be your mother. It would be so simple. So easy to just be your mother, only.” Celestia’s smile told her that it wouldn’t be that simple.   “It’s not though, is it?”   The smile on her mother’s face slipped away. “No. I wish it were. But, Luna, there’s so much that I wish. But we can’t have everything we wish for. Not even most of what we wish for.” Celestia’s hoof on her cheek slowed, then dipped and lifted her chin up. “We have to make do with what we can have.”   What can I have that would make me happy? A thought came to her, of something that might make Celestia happy too. Maybe. Nopony could resist them.   “Can I have some cookies?”   Celestia burst out laughing. It was the happiest sound that Luna had heard come out of her mother’s mouth. “Yes, you can have some cookies. We can bake them together, if Flaky Crust will let me take over her kitchen for an afternoon.”   “Let you? But it’s your castle and your kitchen!”   Celestia giggled. It sounded weird coming from her mother, but it made Luna smile all the same. “It may be my castle, but if I tried to claim Flaky’s kitchen for my own, there would be a battle that I’m not sure I would win.”   “Does she know?” She wanted Flaky to know. She wanted somepony she could talk to besides her mother. She liked the chef, and she knew that the chef liked her. Why else would she let Luna lick the blueberry muffin bowl clean?   Celestia frowned, then shook her head. “Yes. But Flaky is special, Luna. Do you remember the story I told you about Apple Hollow?”   “That was where you got your cutie mark. Where you raised the sun all on your own, for the first time.”   “Yes. Flaky Pastry was there, and she’s been with me for most of my life. Besides her nopony but Velvet Shield and a few others of the Royal Guard know.”   “Who else?”   “Luna. This is important, and I want you to listen very carefully to me. Unless we are alone, I am still your sister. We know better, and I praise the Celestials that I can call you my daughter now, that I can let myself think of you that way.” Celestia closed her eyes and tucked her chin close to her neck.   Luna leaned against her father, feeling his slow, deep breathing and the steady thump of his heart under her shoulder. It felt good, to be between them. It felt like she belonged there.   “Do you remember when you got trapped in that pitfall in the Hall of Hooves?”   Luna nodded. It’d been dark, and lonely, with only a tiny patch of light that led nowhere she could reach. She’d called and called until her voice was hoarse, but nopony came until Celestia found her, somehow.   “Do you remember how scared I was when we finally found you? Your father was little better. I thought somepony had taken you. Luna, if it were commonly known that you were my daughter, somepony might try to take you from me for real.” Celestia lifted her chin and drew Luna closer with a leg draped over her back.   “I made a lot of enemies uniting the nation. Ponies who would rather that the old ways be adhered to, ponies whose livelihoods relied on their sovereignty. They would see you as a tool, not as the wonderful little filly that you are. They would hurt you because of me. They would hurt you to hurt me.”   “But I was your sister before. What’s different now that I know I’m your daughter?”   “Nothing now that you know. But you’re going to look at me differently. I’m going to treat you differently because you know. I don’t want to take back what you learned. I would never want that. But think, Luna. We are always watched, you and I. The smallest things are remarked on and examined.”   Luna looked away. She knew. She did the same things. She watched ponies, she tried to understand them. She tried to learn their secrets. She’d always thought that was just because she was the Lady of Mysteries, but what if there were other ponies out there who did the same things she did? Everypony suddenly felt like a potential threat, and nopony except her parents who she could confide this secret in.   “Wouldn’t they have tried anyway?”   “Maybe, but the love between sisters is different than the love between mother and child. I would do anything, anything, to keep you safe.” The fierce look in Celestia’s eyes terrified her for all of the half a heartbeat it was there. “If they knew, for certain, who you are, I am afraid of what they might try. I’m so terrified, Luna. It scares me just to think about what might happen.”   The world felt darker and larger than she could have imagined, knowing that Celestia, of all ponies, was afraid. There had to be more than just her parents and a few guards and a chef she could trust. It was a large world, after all, and a good one. Even accounting for all of the flaws that she was becoming aware of the older she got, it was a good world.   “How do I know who to trust?”   Celestia touched her chest with a hoof. “Your heart can help you.” The hoof touched her forehead next. “But use your mind, most of all. You are incredibly smart, Luna. Use that intellect.”   “I wish...” Luna sighed and bumped her muzzle against her mother’s hoof. She wished for everything that Celestia had just told her couldn’t happen.   “I do too.”   “I have a mother.”   “And I have a daughter.”   “And I’m chopped parsley?” Shining Light’s groggy voice broke in.   Luna screeched as she was hauled away in the blue haze of Shining Light’s spell. Her screech turned to laughter when he tousled her mane and began to tickle her.   Celestia watched them, laughing to herself, and smiled when Luna broke out of Shining’s spell and dashed away to hide from the tickle monster behind Celestia. The warmth in her heart pushed away all of the other worries that came up.   I have a family. Right then, that was all that mattered.     “Did you remember to grease the pan this time?” Luna stood on a stool, looking at the cookbook that was currently smeared with flour and not a little bit of chocolate.   “Yes! I remembered to grease the pan this time.” Her mother glared at the oven, then at the pile of blackened atrocities that she had tried to call cookies. Luna had politely disabused her of that notion. Well. Maybe calling them abominations to the idea of cookies hadn’t been too diplomatic.   “Did you remember to— Eek!” She jumped away from the spatter of cookie dough Celestia tossed at her. Most of it ended up on the cookbook. “You are so childish!”   “We’re making cookies. I’m allowed to act juvenile.” Celestia sniffed and lifted her nose.   She also had her eyes closed, imitating a haughty so and so from the Solarium. That let Luna ambush her with an egg to the butt. Her screech was satisfyingly loud, but the return sally of dough made Luna duck behind the dubious cover of an empty pan.   “And just what in the name of all that fell into Tartarus is going on in here?”   Another egg sailed through the air, caught just in time by Celestia’s spell. Not so was a blob of cookie dough that sailed through the air to land at Flaky Crust’s hooves.   Considering that the fight had just started, the mess wasn’t so bad. But Luna’s earlier attempts to stir the dough and mix the flour sat here and there around the spacious countertops.   To Luna’s surprise, Celestia actually blushed and looked away. “We’re making cookies.”   “You’re making something, but it’s not cookies.” There followed a not insignificant pause. “Your Highness.”   “You don’t have to call me that, Flaky. Not after all the years that I’ve known you.” Celestia pulled a broom out of a pantry and began to sweep the floor while a smaller brush began to scoop the loose flower on the counter into neat piles.   The elderly cook dragged over a stool and propped it against the door, then sat down. “Luna, can you help your mother clean up the kitchen?”   Seeing her mother doing so without even being asked made her curious about their relationship. A little more effort would be worth learning more. “You knew Cel— mother back when she was a filly, right? Mom won’t tell me all of what happened.”   “You haven’t told her, then? Don’t you think she deserves to know who her grandparents were and who you were?” Flaky Crust clucked her tongue and waggled a hoof at the ruler of Equestria.   Luna fought back a giggle.   “Flaky, you don’t have to tell her. I know how hard it is to remember.” Celestia swept a pile of flour and oddments of dough into a waiting bin.   “No harder than it is for you, Winter Rose.”   The laughter faded. She remembered the story of Apple Hollow, and the name sounded familiar, but Luna couldn’t place it right then. “Winter Rose?”   “Is your mother’s filly name, back when she was only a few years older than you, little Lulu, before she took the name Summer Dawn. She and I lived in the same town of Apple Hollow. A little more than forty years ago, wasn’t it?”   “It was.” Celestia stopped her cleaning and sat in a cleaned spot on the floor.   “I was your mother’s age, or a little older. Me and my folks, we were gathered up on the old hill to watch the sun rise when all of a sudden there was this great wall of water that rushed down the valley, tall as any of the houses and wide as the hills.   “Nopony knew what to think at first. Shock, I think. But we could see the crowd gathered in the town square start to panic. All of a sudden your mother appeared, teleported up onto the hill by her parents, just seconds before the wave swept through the square. I had to jump on her to keep her from rushing down to meet her doom along with them. It wasn’t easy.”   Celestia looked up from cleaning up a pile of flour. “You saved my life, Flaky.”   “Maybe I did. But it was you who saved all of us. You raised the sun, not an hour after watching your parents get swept away. Winter— Bah. Summer, I saw in you then a greatness that would light the world with hope. Your parents may have been the lord and lady of Apple Hollow, but it was you we pledged our hearts to.”   “I did what I had to do. I’m still doing what I have to do.” Celestia glanced around the kitchen at the mess that still remained to be cleaned. “I’m just taking a little break to be with my daughter.”   “I’m the last of Apple Hollow’s survivors, aside from you, and I am glad that I lived to see the day when you finally got over your stubborn belief that keeping Luna from knowing you were her mother would somehow keep her safe. I can tell the others that you stopped being such a hoof bitingly frustrating mare to be around.”   “Have you met my mother?” Luna pointed a hoof at Celestia.   Flaky laughed and slapped the stool between her legs. “You have a point.”   “Har-de-har.” Celestia glowered at the two of them and rolled her eyes. “I admit it. I can be a little stubborn. I’ve been working on that.”   Luna leaned on the table in the middle of the kitchen, and drew her hoof up next to her muzzle. “She has gotten better. Just yesterday she admitted that she might possibly enjoy a cup of coffee. Some day.”   “Your mother? The tea fiend?”   “It’s your father’s fault! Why does coffee have to smell so good?!”   While her mother and the chef laughed and talked about old days gone by, Luna pondered. Something about the story that Flaky had told her didn’t settle right. The darkness that swallowed Apple Hollow sounded very much like the darkness that her mother had overcome later, during the war.   Couldn’t they see it?   Luna looked between her mother and Flaky. They had to see it. Her mother knew so much, saw so much. She tried to push the nagging worry away and listen to them reminisce about the first years they’d spent in Cantercourt, the Archunicorn Star Swirl, and the mostly peaceful times before the war and the unification.   Maybe I’m being paranoid. It came with the station of Lady of Mysteries, but she couldn’t banish the nagging doubt that something was missing from the story they were telling her. Celestia could be brilliantly insightful, but Luna had watched her in secret and up close long enough to know that her mother had blind spots in her hindsight.