Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle:
All right, I allowed Bulk Biceps to participate despite his obvious steroid usage. Now I get to keep my job, right?
Your scared subject, Miss Harshwinny.
Dear Derpy:
Sorry that Rainbow managed to make up her mind. You would have been a far better competitor than her.
Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle.
Dear Princess Gamer Luna:
Sorry about your sister. We're all choked up about it.
...NOT! Ah, who are we kidding? We're assholes who'd happily replace our own members with somepony better the second we saw a chance, so we don't give a shit about your sister.
Love, Spitfire, Captain of the Wonderbolts.
Dear Rainbow Dash:
Yes, you're the only one who can pull off the rainbow mane. Unfortunately, it also proves that you're a raging dyke.
Love, Princess Celestia.
P.S.: With Molestia gone, I need someone else I can give my problems to. Please don't be surprised if a large number of Parasprites suddenly appear in your home.
Dear Skittles Mane:
This is such an ironic world, is it not? First we realize that a great pony is not as deceased as we think she is. Then we lose one of our most beloved leaders. It's almost as if the entire universe has a mysterious balance of joy and sorrow.
Then again, you managed to get quite a nice little gift from Spitfire, so that's a plus. It's a nice little pin too, all shiny and pointy. Maybe it's a sign of your future as a Wonderbolt. Or maybe it's a sign of something even greater.
Or maybe it's just something she gave you to feel better about not being one of them. There's no way to be sure.
Love, Discord.