//------------------------------// // *Insert chapter here* // Story: How many friends have you made today?! // by Sarcastic Brony //------------------------------// “So you used to be a monkey?” Blueblood asks Anon with a large grin. Anon gives a nod. “In a way, yes.” “I find that very interesting,” Celestia says as the three of them have a small picnic in the garden. Let me guess, you want to know how Anon ended up having a picnic in the gardens with Blueblood and Celestia? I guess I have enough time to indulge you. I am rather tired, so how about we go back a few hours and watch the events happen? Really? Would you prefer that? Alright. The past will become present in 3, 2, 1. “Luna, what are you doing?!” Celestia screams at Luna as she tries to pry her off the Minotaur ambassador. “WE WILL REND THINE HEAD FROM THINE SHOULDERS, YOU COW!” Luna yells as she tries to slash the ambassador with her horn. Hmm.. Seems we went a little too far. Give me a second to calibrate this thing. “Someone get this mare off me!” the ambassador screams in terror. To think, the ambassador thought it was going to be the same old yearly meeting that he has with the princess. Meet her sister, she said. It’ll be alright, she said. What he did not expect was for Celestia’s younger sister to gore him with her horn. Luckily he was fast enough to grab her horn before it could plunge into his chest, but that didn't stop Luna from pulling away from his grasp and trying again. Luckily for the ambassador, Celestia managed to pry Luna off of him and teleport her from the throne room. To make sure she would not return, Celestia made sure to place a large C&D spell around the room. That should be enough to stop Luna. After a few moments, she could sense that her sister was no longer attempting to break in. Celestia can't believe she forgot about the war. She scolds herself silently for not remembering the large crusade, led by none other than her own sister. She quickly sets her attention to the ambassador. “I’m so sorry for that,” she comes in and tries to defuse the situation. Ah ha! I think I got this thing working again. Past, here we come! Celestia has a worried look on her face as she stands in front of Anon’s door. He went to sleep last night after eating all that meat and hasn't woken up yet. It’s around five in the morning now. She’s never known anypony to sleep past six. To be fair, Celestia doesn't know much about human sleeping habits. She also assumes that everypony rises at the same time as her, so she doesn't really know much about sleeping patterns in general. She has a very sheltered life, to be honest. A familiar smile returns to her as she thinks about Anon. He’s a great friend to have come to see her home. Despite his reserved nature, he always goes out of his way to make sure she is comfortable when she comes to spend time with him. Always making her smile, and just allowing her to be a normal pony again. She felt obligated to return the favor. That’s why she ordered so much meat for his arrival. She knows that since his stay in Ponyville that he hasn't been getting much nutrition to balance himself out. Celestia's been around for a long time and met with many ambassadors in her time. Meat eaters aren't a big concern to her. As long as it’s not one of her subjects being consumed, she couldn’t care less where the meat came from. Some ponies find it wrong to eat other creatures, but Celestia knows it is a necessity for some of the other races out there. Before Luna was banished, it was common to see a pony eat a piece of fish from time to time. Some ponies even took it further by eating small amounts of meat as well. It never harmed them and many seemed to enjoy it. She’s not sure on the date of when it happened, but after she had a piece of bad fish at a restaurant, everypony seemed to think that all fish were poisonous. After spending a day or so in her room to recover, Celestia received a petition signed by the entire city of Canterlot to ban the consumption of animals in Equestria. This is one reason why she no longer goes out to restaurants. Ponies hang on every word she says and every action she brings. She can say that she enjoyed a slice of cake from the most run down building ever seen, and ponies would flock to have a slice. In smaller towns, she feels a bit of freedom, yet, there are always dangers. Such as reporters. While she dislikes them, she never says anything about it. Seeing as if she said she would rather have them beaten to death, chances are they would be. That is another reason why she likes being around Anon so much. She can speak like a normal pony, have opinions, likes and dislikes. Anon never took her word for law. In fact, he would disagree with many of the things she likes, though he mostly did it to make her angry. Like the one time, he actually said that he didn't like cake. Everypony likes cake! Even aliens from different worlds like cake! Celestia stops in thought as she thinks that over. Now that she thinks about it, Anon’s never eaten cake in front of her. He would just give his slice to her. Perhaps he was telling the truth when he told her that he dislikes cake? Celestia is so lost in thought she doesn’t even see the door to Anon’s room open. Anon just stands there with surprise, he wasn't expecting to see Celestia here. He looks over to a clock that is in his room and finds that it’s around six in the morning. How long has she been standing here? What he finds disturbing is the thousand-yard stare Celestia is giving. Anon waves his hand in front of her a few times to see if she would react. She just sits there looking him in the eyes, though he can tell that no one is home at the moment. He walks over to her side and brings his hand up to her ear, snapping his fingers a few times. She still doesn't break from that look. Anon is starting to get a little worried now. He’s never seen her so lost in thought before. Lost in the beauty of a hoofmade cake, sure. But this is something else entirely. “Celestia?” he calls to her. She doesn't acknowledge his presence. “Cel?” Still nothing. “Celly?” Currently, Celestia is in her mind looking over memories of Anon. Every time she ordered him a piece of cake, he would turn it down or just give it to her. She’s pretty sure she has never seen him eat a single slice of cake since they’ve become friends. “Tia!” Celestia jumps in shock as something slaps her flank. On reflex, she throws her hind hoof back and smashes into something solid. She turns around and feels herself freeze up. Anon is lying there on his back. “Anon!” She instantly runs to his side and brings him to her chest. “Are you alright?! What happened?” He coughs a bit as he tries to bury away the pain inside of him. “I-I think I got kicked by a horse.” He lifts his shirt up a bit. A perfect hoof print is left as a bruise on his stomach. “Yeah, definitely kicked by a horse.” Celestia looks in shock as she pulls him tightly to her chest. “I’m so sorry! I didn't know you were behind me.” “OW, easy!” Celestia winced and eases up a little. Anon rubs his stomach some as he looks up to Tia. She has tears in her eyes and is only moments from crying. “Don't look at me like that. It’s my fault this happened.” Anon speaks in an even tone. “You were zoned out and I tried to get your attention.” He chuckled dryly some. “Smacking your flank while standing behind you, yeah, that wasn't one of my brightest ideas.” Celestia looks over to her flank and does find a red looking handmark there. She can't feel the sting at the moment. She’s far more concerned over Anon to care. “Maybe we should take you to the infirmary?” Celestia offers. Anon shakes his head. “Nah, I just need to walk it off,” he says as he slowly gets up. Celestia is by his side as she helps him up. He keeps a single hand on the small of her back to balance himself out better. Getting kicked by a horse hurts. Celestia finds her mind coming back to why she came here in the first place. “That reminds me. I came by to check and see if you were alright. You did appear rather ill last night.” Anon shifts some on his feet to gain better footing.. “I’m good. That rest really did do wonders.” Celestia looks at Anon and finds him rubbing his stomach some, the small winces are as clear as day to her eyes. She feels one of her wings embrace him as she pulls him to her neck. Anon can do no more than rest his head on the back of Celestia’s neck. He knows she is trying to comfort him, yet he can tell that it’s more for her benefit than his own. Even if he told her it wasn't her fault, she is going to blame herself. She’s too caring for her own good. Celestia can feel Anon’s heart beat slow as she holds him closer. She doesn't quite know why, but she likes to have him this close. She rarely gets to hold another like this. She used to hold Twilight like this when she was a filly, but those days are gone. She just assumes it’s in her nature to take care of others. “Do you want to join Blue and I on a picnic?” Celestia asks. He smiles at her. “Sure.” So that’s pretty much how we got to where we are now. As for how it got to monkey talk? Well, Blueblood was telling Anon how much he likes monkeys and how Anon kinda reminded him of one. Well, wouldn't you know it, Anon admitted that his people use to be monkeys. Celestia never knew such a thing was possible until Anon explained how it all happened. “How is it that your people, what was the word, evolved?” Celestia asks. Anon scratches the stubble that is starting to grow on his chin. Celestia finds it odd that Anon is largely hairless, and yet, he grows patches of hair in random places. “Hard to explain.” He admits. “Change happens over time. After a few million years, well, many things are unrecognizable.” Celestia gives a nod. She understands the point he is trying to make. Having only been around for a few thousand years. Celestia knows from experience that time does have a large influence on the world. Celestia giggles some as a small monkey starts to climb on Anon. “I’m still unsure how your little friend there can one day become someone like you,” she admits. Anon shrugs. “I’m no scientist, so I can't really explain it in total detail.” Everything is peaceful right now, just another day of relaxing for them. Blueblood is walking around the garden petting some of the animals while Anon and Celestia just relax under a local tree. It’s one of those moments you seldom see in the life of royalty. Anon can't help but look over to Celestia as she looks out towards the garden. That look of tranquility. “It’s a good day, isn't it?” Celestia asked randomly. Anon hadn't even noticed when Celestia turned to face him. He looks out to the garden and nods. “Definitely.” Celestia was going to reply, but notices a guard approaching them. “Princess, we have a visitor,” he speaks in a firm tone. “Whom might that be?” She asks. “One of the Elements.” Celestia feels her brow raise. It couldn't have been Twilight. She usually sends a week's notice before arriving. “Ever think about telling her which element?” Anon speaks in a sarcastic tone. “Because, you know, she isn't psychic.” He then looks to her. “You aren't, right?” Celestia shakes her head. “Thought so.” The guard seems to realize his mistake as he gives a bow. “Terribly sorry. It’s the Element of Generosity.” Celestia thinks over why she would be here. Perhaps she is visiting Fancy Pants and wishes for a place to stay? Celestia hears Anon let out a long groan. “I can't stand that woman.” “Mare,” Celestia corrects. “Potato. Doesn't matter, the fact is that she is on my list.” “List?” He looks to her with a raised brow. “You don't have a list?” Celestia thinks it over. “There are some cakes that I would like to eat,” she admits to him. He shakes his head. “Not like that. Like, an enemies list.” “Enemy?” He nods. “I don't think I do have such a list. I will admit that Luna and I dislike Discord. Does that count?” Anon lets out a sigh. “Not really. An enemy list is basically a list of people that have wronged you. You then get revenge, by any means necessary.” Anon reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a small black book. “Who’s on the list?” Celestia asks curiously. “Let’s see.” Anon flips open his book. “Twilight, Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash..” He pulls out a small pencil and starts to write. “Pinkie Pie.” He then sets the pencil down. “There’s also Fluttershy, Cheerilee, Mr. Cake, the Cake twins.” “Foals, really?” Celestia giggles at such a ridiculous thing.. He nods. “They gave me a look. I didn't much care for it.” He then flips a page. “Derpy, as well as most of the fillies and colts.” “Can you tell me why they deserved to get on this list of yours?” Celestia asks with a grin. She couldn't believe Anon had something like this on his person. Anon flips back to the first page. “Twilight, for experimenting on me.” “That doesn-” Celestia tries to defend her student, but is cut off by Anon. “Against my will.” Yeah, talk about awkward. “Oh..” Celestia has a feeling that she might need to talk to Twilight about boundaries. Anon looks back to his list. “Applejack, for bucking me when I told her that her apples aren't that great.” Celestia will admit that is not really a good reason to harm another creature. However, she knows how headstrong that mare can be. She takes after her grandfather more than she probably will ever know. “Rarity, for being herself.” That one seems a little unfair. “Rainbow Dash, for her pranks.” Celestia can understand that one. Luna likes to prank her a lot and she doesn't take any joy in such an activity. “Pinkie, for that rock she hit me with.” If only she had the time to grab her with her magic. She was honestly curious as to why that pony would assault Anon in such a way. “Fluttershy, for not helping me with my protein needs.” She can understand why Fluttershy wouldn't do such a thing. She probably thinks the act of another creature eating another to be abhorrent. “Cheerilee, for thinking I was a foalnapper.” Celestia was going to ask about that one, but found it leaving her mind as she hears the last pony on the list. “Mr. Cake, for thinking I was hitting on his wife.” “How did that come to pass?” Celestia asks. Anon looks to her. “How was I supposed to know that complimenting a pony’s smile was considered flirting?” “Well, it starts with our teeth. Our teeth change as we age. If you say a pony has a nice smile, then that is telling her that she is young looking and takes care of herself,” Celestia informs him. “Really?” She nods. “Huh..” He shakes his head. “Anyways, I told you about the twins already. Derpy got on the list when she tackled me to the ground for a muffin. As for the fillies and colts, when I went to see Cheerilee for the first time, they all thought it would be fun to dogpile on me. Which led to why Cheerilee thought I was a foalnapper. I was trying to stuff them in that sack to get them off me!” Celestia looks to Anon with a blank look. “A sack?” Anon waves it off. “Doesn't matter. The fact is, they are my enemies now.” “And what will you do to them?” she asks while rolling her eyes. He shrugs. “Not sure. Thinking about poisoning them.” Her playful attitude drops instantly. “You aren't serious, right?” He looks to her with no emotion. “Of course not.. Why would I ever do anything like that?” He then grins at her and pats her on the shoulders some. “Just joking. I’m probably just going to ruin their careers. Not so sure about the young ones yet.” Celestia isn't really too sure on how to respond to that. Thankfully, the guard thought that standing in place waiting for the conversation to return to his predicament wasn't very likely, so he decided to speak up. “About Rarity, Princess?” the guard asks. Celestia snaps to the task at hoof. “My apologies.” She gets up and looks over to Anon. “I’m going to greet her. Do you mind watching over Blueblood till I return?” Anon leans back against the tree. “Sure, I can watch him. You going to be back soon?” She gives a nod. “I shouldn't be long.” Anon scoffs. “You haven't met Rarity then.” Celestia ignores his comment and motions for the guard to lead. Anon watches her leave and notices Blueblood walking over to him. “Where’s Aunty going?” “She needs to greet someone.” Blueblood gets excited at the idea of meeting somepony he knew. “Do I know them?” He asks. Anon shrugs. “Not too sure. You know Rarity by any chance?” Blueblood's face skews in confusion as he tries to recall a pony by that name. He looks to Anon and shakes his head. “Nothing? She’s like, a white mare with purple curls. One of the Elements of Harmony?” That sounds a little familiar to Blueblood. He remembers his aunty showing him those pretty glass windows in her throne room. If he remembers correctly, a few of them were about the Elements. He still wasn't too sure what they were, but Aunty seems to think they are very important. His mind flashed to a year ago, a white mare with curls and a pretty dress. “Does she wear pretty things?” he asks. Anon nods. “Yeah, she does.” The memory is slowly coming back to him. She’s the mare from the Gala! “I don't like her,” he says, taking a seat next to Anon. He could trust him, seeing as his aunty likes him so much. “She kept following me around.” Anon rolls his eyes at that. He knows that Rarity was probably trying to get Blueblood to woo her. “She is rather annoying,” Anon admits. “She even went so far as to get cake into my coat!” Blueblood says aghast. “It took Aunty all morning to get me ready for that party and I didn't want to get dirty. Not to mention, I practiced how to be fancy, as well as my Canterlot voice all year!” Anon shakes his head some. He’s definitely on the money with his original thought. Rarity probably tried to catch his interest. Being as shallow as she is, probably heard he was a prince. Though Blueblood’s status is considered more as an honorary title than anything else. Rarity must’ve not known about that. “Don't mind her. She can be very difficult to deal with.” He sympathizes with Blueblood. Blueblood just looks to the sky, unsure what to say. “What if Aunty wants me to meet her again?” he asks. “I don't think I could stand being around that s-stupid.” Blueblood grunts in frustration, taking a few deep breaths. Anon pats him on the shoulder gently. “Just ignore her.” “Ignore who?” Anon looks over and sees that Celestia has returned. “No one you know,” Anon answers. “So what’s Rarity doing here, anyways?” “Some kind of fashion show. She seems interested in knowing that you’re here.” “Oh, I bet she is,” Anon says with irritation. “That woman really grinds my gears.” Celestia looks to Anon confused. “I am unaware what that saying means.” “She’s annoying,” he simplifies. Celestia frowns at that. “While she can be a bit much at times, I guarantee that she doesn't have the Element of Generosity for nothing.” Anon waves that off. “Yeah, yeah. Magic of friendship, rainbow death beam. I heard it all before.” Celestia can't help but scoff at his description of the most powerful form of protection known to ponykind. Then again, he wasn't really off with his thoughts. “Worry not, she made reservations at a hotel. She just wanted to come by and say hello.” Anon leans back against the tree. “Cool, so I don't need to worry?” “She did want to say hello to you,” Celestia admits as she looks over to Blueblood. “I told her that you were busy at the moment.” Anon nods. “Good call, Bluey here can't stand her.” Blueblood freezes up some at being put on the spot. Celestia looks over to him as he looks away. “I understand why,” Celestia says. “I heard about what happened at the gala.” Anon snorts. “Yeah, Blue gave me the rundown. That mare should be considered the Element of Shallowness.” Celestia wants to defend one of the Elements, but she can't. As much as she hates to admit it. Anon is one hundred percent right on that. Celestia’s been around for a long time, seen many things, including naive mares. Rarity seems to have never grown out of that ‘prince charming’ idealism. Anon can see the internal struggle Celestia is going through. “Hey.” Celestia looks back to him. “Think we can get an early lunch?” Celestia looks up to the sun, then back to Anon. “Very well.” The three of them set off toward the dining hall for a nice lunch. The day is only starting and maybe more will come. That’s a tale for another chapter, though.