//------------------------------// // Chapter 10: Chaos And Tricks // Story: Dating Of A Godly Variety // by RainbowBob //------------------------------// The God Emperor of Mankind gritted his teeth, steadied his battle stance, and prepared for one of the most difficult battles of his life. Just beyond the hole in the very fabrics of realspace that led to the chaotic dimension of the beyond known as the Warp were his most hated and fearsome enemies. The Chaos Gods, beings of inconceivable might and power that twisted the Warp to their own desires and warred with humanity for thousands of years so that they might take over the entire galaxy. But as for now, their only bid was to enter into this world, where its magic granted them physical forms that would not typically be allowed. Celestia scooted over closer to the Emperor, her horn already aglow with magic energies while her mane started to spark before the first signs of an inferno. “So, Geom, how difficult are these Chaos Gods to fight? Can they be defeated?” “Only sparingly,” the Emperor answered. “Each defeat makes them stronger, and normally they do not align themselves together to defeat one threat. When all their powers are combined, it is nearly impossible to beat them. All I’ve managed was to contain them from spreading further for the last couple of thousand years.” “Can they be killed?” Celestia asked. “Not that I’m saying that’s the only option to stop them, but if it comes down to saving Equestria, it would become a possibility.” The Emperor chuckled. “If they could, I would have done it long ago. Whenever one is threatened to cease to exist, the others arrive to save him. While they may squabble and fight petty wars with one another—as is their nature—with one of them gone, the Warp becomes calmer, meaning they become weaker. It’s either all of them or none of them.” Celestia sighed. “Great. There’s two of us and three of them. The odds aren’t in our favor then.” The Emperor’s stance faltered.“Three?” he asked. Celestia nodded, peering deeper into the hole leading to the Warp. “That’s all I can make out. Three figures, growing closer by the second.” “But there are four Ruinous Powers. Where can the fourth be if his brothers have already arrived?” “Well, you’re the expert on them, so tell me which one is missing,” Celestia said. She bent her knees and prepared a devastating spell the minute the Chaos Gods dropped by. “Well, there’s Nurgle, the eldest of the four,” the Emperor noted as the first figure entered this world. “He is the Plague Lord, having complete control over pestilences and decay. You can probably tell just by looking at him. Which you should try to avoid doing for your own good.” The appearance of Nurgle did indeed match the likeness to his title. A gigantic husk of rotting flesh that’s only claim to life were the putrid diseases growing inside it and the maggots eating away at the flesh, Nurgle was every bit the embodiment of death and decay he so claims to be. His skin was a vast array of colors from putrid green from moldy brown and even a bloody black ooze that leaked from every open wound on his body. Nurgle’s own exterior was also his interior, many of his rotting organs hanging out of his ruptured skin like some twisted, perverted joke of a smashed piñata. Past all the boils, leaking puss, oozing noxious juices and overpowering stench that burned one’s nose hairs, Nurgle’s face remained as one of a jolly grin from the demented smile of a grandfather like figure, said grin spilling forth a vile bile along with jagged, razor sharp teeth. While Celestia’s face had turned a shade of green similar to Nurgle’s skin, she dared not breathe in through her nose, lest she perish from the scent of rot incarnate. “Looks like the next one is Khorne, the Blood God. As expected, he’s all ready for battle,” the Emperor spoke, breaking Celestia out of her disgusted trance after seeing Nurgle. “Whatever you do, avoid looking him in the eye. His gaze is unpleasant if you don’t enjoy witnessing the deaths of trillions of beings himself and his cultists have murdered. He isn’t called the Lord of Skulls for nothing.” Khorne’s face could not be seen behind his helm that was similar to that of a skull, but even from here Celestia could hear the snarls and growls. Taller than even the God Emperor, Khorne stood an imposing figure that reeked of violence like Nurgle reeked of decay. He wore armor that looked to be as if fashioned from those of his fallen enemies, twisted and beaten into a hulking mass of brass and black iron that gave him an appearance of a living weapon. Spikes lined his back and every available free space on his armor, each decorated with the impaled skull of a defeated foe. In one hand he held a massive two-handed sword that seemed to be able to slice through reality itself, a blade so large it made the Emperor’s look like a toothpick. And finally was the constant dripping sound of blood oozing from the openings of his armor, a red rust of dried blood staining his armor an even shade of crimson. “Ah, and it appears Tzeentch arrived as well. Keep an eye on this one, Celestia, for he is the God of Sorcery and Changer of Ways. His magic may even surpass yours,” the Emperor warned her. Celestia could not look away, but from what, she still didn't’ know. Out of all the Chaos Gods she has seen thus far, Tzeentch’s appearance was by far the strangest. With the body of a giant bird of prey, Tzeentch neither had feathers or wings. Instead, his skin was composed of constantly shifting faces that leered or mocked Celestia in a never ending variety of dialectics and tongues. Tzeentch had no neck to speak of, his head literally on his body where an imposing beak that whispered arcane secrets stood. His eyes glowed with an internal blue fire that promised secrets that could shatter the mind and lies that could change your fate. Above his head stood horns that rippled with an arcane might that put even Celestia’s own to shame, Tzeentch’s power so great it practically flowed out of himself like a river and surrounded him like an ocean. He was mysterious, familiar, dangerous, secure, all these things and more to form a body that was both inconsistent yet cemented itself as one of the fundamental truths in this universe. “So, with all three of them here, that only leaves Slaanesh,” the Emperor said. His grip around his sword tightened, a frown that looked to be as if etched in stone overtook his visage. “Of course, leave it up to the Prince of Pleasure to pull a surprise at the last second.” “Hey, guys, it’s me, Discord!” Discord bellowed, waving to the three Chaos Gods that had just entered through the hole in the Warp. He ran up to the three, showcasing the mountain of pizza boxes. “I got some pizza for us! Just like college, remember?” “Did you get the pineapple toppings?” Nurgle asked, tongue rolling out like a decayed snake. “Sure did!” Discord opened one up, offering it to the ruinous god. “Along with anchovies for Tzeentch as well!” Nurgle balked, his tongue returning to his rotting jaws. “Anchovies? Ew! Disgusting! Who in their right mind eats their pizza with anchovies?” “You know, you could always pick the anchovies off,” Tzeentch said, which was repeated multiple times from all the faces along his body. He picked up a slice, already removing some of the pineapple slices. “Furthermore, only a moron would eat his pizza with pineapples.” “Ah, forget this! We already had Chinese, you fat sacks of shit!” Khorne bellowed, swiping the pizza boxes out of Discord’s hand. Glaring at Tzeentch, he slapped his pizza slice out of his hand, much to the chagrin of the Architect of Fate. “Discord, you called all of us out here, so there better be a good fucking reason for it! I got skulls that need collecting and blood that needs spilling!” “Oh yeah, right!” Discord turned towards Celestia and the God Emperor, snapping his fingers and then pointing at them. “You guys remember the God Emperor of Mankind, right? Well, he has a new girlfriend, and the two got in a little spat over me, since Geom here isn’t too friendly to Chaos Gods apparently. Kind of bigoted in this day and age, I know, but this is why I called you guys in to help.” Returning his gaze to the three Ruinous Powers, Discord smiled and held a thumbs up. “You guys mind being bros and assuring Geom here I’m cool? It’d really mean a lot.” “The God Emperor,” Nurgle wheezed. “Alive?” Tzeentch hissed. “And still with his skull?” Khorne shouted. Discord hummed under his breath, tapping a claw to his chin. “Wait a minute… weren’t there, like, four of you in your dorm? Where’s Slaanster? You know, the Slaanmeister, Slaaningtons, Slaan-a-lam-a-ding-dong. That guy… girl… thing.” The three traded a grin, though Khorne’s only way at expressing pleasure was for blood-soaked drool to leak from the bottom of his helmet. “Oh yeah, Slaanesh did mention something about arriving in style,” Khorne said, a predatory chuckle escaping his lips. “Yeah, yeah, said she wanted to be a bit fashionably late!” Nurgle laughed, the action causing boils all along his body to pop and spewer out toxic fumes. “Leave it up to the Master of Excess in All Things to come up with a grand entrance!” Tzeentch said, not sharing in the other’s laugh but smirking deviously all the same. “I predict quite a rowdy appearance from him soon enough.” “Geom, any idea where the fourth one is?” Celestia whispered, her attention for who to shoot at next divided amongst the three. The Emperor’s eyes scanned all across the banquet hall, but he couldn’t spot the missing Chaos God anywhere. “No, but if I know Slaanesh, he’d probably show up in the most unexpected ways possible.” Just then, the Emperor turned his head towards the ceiling, holding up his sword to defend himself. But nothing was there. Lowering his weapon, the Emperor shrugged. “Huh. I could have sworn he’d try to sneak attack me from ab—” The Emperor didn’t manage to finish his sentence, already falling through a hole that had appeared beneath him in the floor. From it Celestia could hear giggles that seemed to resemble that of a little filly and screams of a tortured mental patient all at once. “Oh, wait, there’s Slaanesh!” Discord turned back to the three and grinned. “Looks like the gang is back together after all.” Once Discord finished uttering those words, all three Chaos Gods punched him in the face at the exact same time. Khorne took extra measures to throw a kick at Discord’s groin region as well, hitting it square on. “My balls!”