Crystal Tree Castle, 0730 hrs
“I call this first meeting of friendship to order!” Twilight declared.
Everypony else and Spike nodded in approval while Discord only stifled a yawn. Not having a throne himself, he’d taken the liberty of conjuring up the one he often used before his reformation which, while a bit of an eyesore compared to the others, nobody minded that he use.
“Now then,” Twilight continued, levitating some papers from her side and passing them around to her friends, “I’ve taken the liberty of studying the prevalence of friendship throughout Equestria and narrowing down the top ten least friendly settlements.”
“An’ just how do ya measure friendship anyway?” Applejack inquired.
Twilight was about to explain in thorough detail the technical aspects of studying emotive reactions signalling good feelings toward other ponies in the brain when Spike beat her to the punch by saying, “She used a spell, how else?”
Her friends all ‘ohhhed’ in understanding and turned back to their princess friend who looked about ready to scold Spike before letting out a sigh and returning their collective gaze.
“Anyway,” she continued, “I have these settlements listed on those sheets, as well as times within the next year in which we should be able to visit these settlements and work to improve their friendliness.”
“I feel sorry for whichever city’s at the top,” Rainbow said with a smirk. Then she found the list’s top entry, to which her eyes shot wide open in shock and horror. “What the-Cloudsdale!?”
“Oh my,” Fluttershy said with a hoof raised to her mouth. She looked upon the list as well to confirm that, indeed, Cloudsdale was at the top of the list.
“Funny,” Applejack said, also looking at the list, “Ah always figured Detrot would’a been the blue ribbon holder fer somethin’ like this.”
“I as well,” Rarity agreed.
“What the hay, Twilight!?” Rainbow sweared. She flew out of her seat and into Twilight’s face, scowling. “Why’s Cloudsdale at the top of the list!?”
Twilight shrunk under her friend’s gaze with a sheepish chuckle. “It’s not like there’s anything inherently wrong with Cloudsdale’s populus on a behavioral level, but . . .”
“But what!?”
Twilight was about to explain exactly how Cloudsdale had come to be at the top of the list due to various technicalities regarding Cloudsdale’s history, how non-pegasi perceived it, and the fact that Cloudsdale hadn’t made much of an effort to provide for non-pegasi when she caught sight of something outside a nearby window. Looking closer at it, her eyes widened when she realized the object was fast approaching them.
“Duck for cover!” she shouted.
“What’re you-”
Rainbow Dash was cut off by the sound of glass shattering from behind her, followed by a whoosh of air as something hurtled right past her head and embedded itself in the wall. Rainbow only stared blankly at Twilight for a second before turning to look up at the object which almost bashed her head in.
“What the hay?” she drawled out dumbly.
Everyone else turned to stare at the object, finding it to be round and black. They instantly recognized what it was.
“Um, why did a cannonball crash through the window?” Fluttershy inquired.
“Because it wanted to crash our meeting!” Pinkie declared.
“. . .”
“. . .”
“. . .”
“Anyway,” Twilight drawled out, uneasily, before turning back to the cannonball, “I have no idea why, Fluttershy.” She squinted her eyes at it to get a closer look, but found nothing particularly unusual about the iron ball. “Maybe somepony’s testing out some artillery somewhere and this is a stray shot?”
“Highly unlikely,” Discord said, popping up right next to her, “for this type of cannonball is used exclusively by ship cannons.”
Twilight flinched in surprise at the draconequus’ sudden appearance before taking another look at the cannonball. “Ah, you’re right, Discord,” she said after a minute of observing the offending projectile. “But that begs the question of why it crashed through the window when we’re nowhere near the ocean?”
Everyone watched with interest as Discord donned a t-shirt with a pocket protector, inside of which both a pen and protractor were stored, and adhesive taped glasses. The now nerdified draconequus used the protractor to take all sorts of measurements around the cannonball before doing the same to the window.
“Well,” he eventually said, “based on these calculations,” he summoned a chalkboard with a bunch of seemingly random equations and formulas, “I can safely conclude that this cannonball originated from Horseshoe Bay.”
Everyone took a moment to regard what he said.
“Well, at least that explains why the cannonball’s from a ship’s cannon,” Twilight said.
“So, somepony’s firin’ cannons on the bay?” Applejack mused. “Wonder who it could be?”
“Well, let’s find out,” Discord said. He shed the nerd garb and replaced it with a sailor’s suit, then traded the chalkboard for a spyglass. He looked out the window and brought the spyglass to his better eye, taking a moment to focus its sight before searching out Horseshoe Bay.
“Do you see anything, Discord?” Fluttershy asked as she flew over to his side.
“Wait for it,” Discord mumbled under his breath. He found Horseshoe Bay after a few moments, and adorned a deadpanned expression upon seeing the battle taking place there.
“Ah, this is interesting,” he said, handing the spyglass over to Fluttershy, who peered through it herself.
“Oh my!” she exclaimed, dropping the spyglass as she raised a hoof to her mouth.
“What is it?” Twilight asked, trotting over to join them.
“Shippers,” Discord said with a happy smile.
“Really?” the lavender princess inquired as she used her magic to levitate the spyglass to her eye and peer through at Horseshoe Bay. “Wow, there’s so many of them.”
“I’d wager every single oceanbound ship in Equestria is currently there,” Discord mused, “no doubt fighting over who has the strongest cannons.”
“Well, this battle needs to stop before somepony gets hurt,” Twilight affirmed, giving the spyglass back to Discord.
“I agree,” Fluttershy said.
The rest of them all agreed with nods of their heads.
“Discord,” Twilight said, turning to the draconequus, “can you get all of us to Horseshoe Bay as quick as possible?”
“You mean we actually get to see the chaos up close and personal!?” Discord asked, grinning maniacally.
“Mhmm,” Twilight replied with a nod.
Discord then proceeded to let out the most girlish, high-pitched scream he’d ever produced, forcing everyone to cover their ears out of reflex as the draconequus quickly snapped his talon which instantly teleported the eight of them to the shores of Horseshoe Bay.
Looking out over the water, the group of eight could now see the shipping battle in clearer detail. Out in the bay’s center was a cluster of around two dozen ships, constantly firing upon and taking hits from each other. The air surrounding the ships was filled with smoke from the gunpowder used in the cannons, making it impossible to see much of anything above deck. Below deck, however, the sight of dozens upon dozens of holes littering every ships’ hull was crystal clear to the ponies, who all stared slack-jawed at the scene before them.
“How are those ships even staying afloat!?” Twilight gasped. “At least a few of them should’ve sunk in a battle this big!”
“Like the Tiatanic!” Pinkie cheered, and proceeded to mime said ship’s sinking while making a sound like that of a ship’s creaking hull.
“Yeah, sure Pinkie,” Applejack drawled out while rolling her eyes. “Anyway, how’re we gonna stop this ‘ere shippin’ battle?”
“Oh, don’t be so hasty,” Discord admonished. Another snap of his talon produced eight lawn chairs, bags of popcorn, and dressed them all in tourist apparell, must to Rarity’s dismay as the clothes were ‘positively drab’. “Let’s enjoy the show for a while.” He smiled while leaning back in his chair and grabbing a handful of popcorn. “After all, spectacles of pointless rivalry such as this only come around once every hundred years at the most.”
“Why you-” Rainbow started to say, but was cut off by Twilight’s hoof over her mouth.
“Look, Discord,” the lavender princess said, “I can respect your enjoyment of this, and I won’t deny that this is a pointless spectacle.” She took her hoof off of Rainbow Dash’s mouth and began approaching the draconequus, who began munching on his popcorn. “But that’s exactly why we need to stop this ASAP. This fight is putting Equestria’s citizens in danger, and somepony could get hurt or killed because of it.” She stopped beside his chair. “And for what? To prove whose cannons are stronger? What good could come out of that?”
“Some ponies value pride more than others, Twi,” Applejack replied. “An’ Ah reckon these shippers have a lotta pride fer their cannons.”
“Whatever,” Twilight responded, “the point is we need to stop this fight before somepony gets hurt.” She levelled a furrowed gaze at Discord. “So please, Discord, as a friend can we count on you to help us?”
The ponies all watched Discord intently as he appeared to mull over what he’d been told while finishing his mouthful of popcorn. Upon swallowing, Discord replied with, “I suppose I could lend you girls some help.”
Twilight smiled warmly. “Thanks, Discord.”
“However,” Discord levelled a sharp gaze at everyone, “I’ll only help you my way.” He then snapped his talon.