How long’s it been? A few centuries…? Give or take a couple decades, I think. That’s how long I’ve been stuck in this pose, unmoving for the past eternity.
I believe I forgot introductions. These days I go by the name of Michael Faraday. I have blue eyes and long brown hair that people say is unnaturally soft, I’m a good 6’3” and was never the best looking guy... but I like to think I do pretty well.
As I thought about my physical characteristics, I remembered exactly what I looked like at the moment, seeing as I couldn’t turn my head to look.
My coat was frozen, flapping in an invisible wind, I had my goggles up on my forehead, my arm was raised so I could look at the watch it held; but that’s not where my eyes were directed. They were staring off into the distance, towards a horizon I would never reach.
At least, that’s how I imagined I looked. In actuality, I was probably just standing there with my arm raised, looking away. But, hey, a guy can’t dream?
Anyway, my day composed of mostly shrubs, shrubs, and—you guessed it!—more shrubs. But every once in a while a tour group comes up here, into the garden of stone, to look at me or one of my fellow stone-mates.
Oh, yeah. Did I mention I was currently a living statue? Well, not so much “living” as “was once alive”, but tomato tomauto, right?
Nevertheless, I was just sitting here, counting the leaves on Geoff, my favorite shrub, when a group of foals came by.
Another fact I don’t think I’ve gone over yet: this world is not inhabited by humans. No, its dominant race is equine. And not like “full grown horses”, but “small, rounded ponies”. The group that was visiting me now wasn’t full grown, so, from the shoulder, they reached about your knee.
“I want to start our field trip here, in the world-famous Canterlot sculpture garden. That one over there represents 'Friendship'. All right, my little ponies, this one represent 'Victory'.” I heard a matured feminine voice call in a tone that demonstrated authority. I could tell this was a school teacher, just from the way she talked to the foals.
“How cool would it be to have that for a cutie mark?” Came a scratchy little voice. ’This one's a tomboy for sure.’
“Cool, if you were actually victoryful at somethin'.” ’A country girl? Maybe from one of the nearby villages, but this is definitely a group from out of town.’
“That's not a word!” ‘Oh, that squeaking, make it stop!’ I thought in agony. Her voice cracked every other word and it made the most annoying sound I’d heard in a long time.
And that’s saying something.
“What are you, a dictionary?” ’You don’t have to be a dictionary to recognize bad grammar… just sayin’.’
“Girls! Now this is a really interesting statue. What do you notice about it?” ‘Hmm… half the statues in the garden are 'interesting', you’ll have to be more specific.’
“It's got an eagle claw!” ‘Griffon the Gryphon?’
“And a lion paw!” ‘Yeah, Griffon the Gryphon.’ I thought as I remembered the evil tyrant. He killed his subjects for fun. When they finally did overthrow him, I jumped for joy… well, in my prison, that is.
“And a snake tail!” ‘… well, that’s unexpected…’
‘Unless…’
‘No… they wouldn’t have…’
“This creature is called a draconequus. He has the head of a pony and a body made up of all sorts of things. What do you suppose that represents?” ‘They did! They moved him back! I thought I’d never talk to him again!’ I thought to myself in surprise and borderline cheer. I’d had the past seven hundred years of only myself to talk to.
‘Dissy!’ I called out to him.
‘Sh!’ was the response I got. ‘Trying to concentrate.’ I’d never known him to be so serious. If he wanted me to buzz off, he had good reason. So that’s exactly what I did.
“Confusion!” ‘Not quite.’
“Evil!” ‘Closer…’
“Chaos!” Almost there!’
“It's not chaos, you dodo!” ‘And there’s The Dictionary; correcting children all over the world!’ I thought sarcastically.
“Don't call me things I don't know the meaning of! And it is too chaos!” ‘You don’t know how close you are, Tomboy!’
“Is not!” ‘You might know your words, but you need to study up on history.’
“You're both wrong!” ‘Shut up, cowgirl! This is brain versus brawn! We don’t need you!’ I’d given up mocking the passersby a while ago, but sometimes—when the certain opportunity presents itself—I like to go back to the good ole days…
I heard some grunting and scuffing of dirt sounds. I presumed that the three fillies had gotten into a scuffle. I started making bets on who would win.
Betting against one’s-self isn’t as fun as it sounds.
And it doesn’t sound very fun, does it?
Right then I sensed something. I’d felt nothing like it for as long as I’ve been here, but there was only a pulse of it, and it was gone. Poof! ‘What was that?’ I thought.
The mare must have thought that the three fighting each other was crossing a line of some kind, so she broke the tussle up. “Actually, in a way, you're all right. This statue represents "Discord", which means a lack of harmony between ponies. In fact, you three have demonstrated discord so well that you're each going to write me an essay explaining it.”
I winced for the kids once I heard this. I was never one for essays. Even back on earth where we had computers!
Mrs. Evil-Teacher broke me out of my own thoughts of evil paperwork when she said “Now let's go, and I don't want any more fighting,” which I could agree with. That fight seemed intense!
Cue the Street Fighter music!
As the group started walking away they continued to argue, albeit quieter.
“It's confusion!”
“Evil!”
“Chaos!”
Suddenly, a new sound filled my ears.
“Teacher?” Came a young colt’s voice. “What’s this one?” he asked as he walked in front of me.
He had a light grey coat and a purple mane. His intelligent green eyes sparkled with wonder as he looked up at me. I haven’t had someone look at me like that for the past thousand years, at least!
“This one?” asked the teacher as she too walked into my line of sight. “This statue represents Time. You see how he stands ready while looking ahead? It shows how, no matter what happens to pony-kind, time ticks on, always looking to the future. A little saddening, I know, but it also represents how we should always look to the future if we’re having a bad time!” she gave a sad smile to the colt, who kept staring at me in wonder, and nudged him along. “But enough of that, it’s time to move on to the next area!” she chirped in excitement.
As they left I heard something. Not something from the outside world, but something in my head.
Was that… laughter?
‘Muahahaha!’ my old stoned companions chuckle turned to a sinister chortle.
‘Hey, Dissy, what ya up to?’ I called out to him in fear and excitement.
“Oh, nothing!” he called back, but this sound was no longer in my head. This one was coming from over to my left. “Just a bit of chaos!” he flew up to my statue, curling his snake-like body around it, coming face-to-face with me.
‘How did you get out?’ I asked, surprise lacing my voice… well, the one in my head, anyway.
“I’m just so… chaotic the stone crumbled around me.” His eyes pulsed a rainbow of colors at the word “chaotic”. “you know what else would be chaotic?" there was a pause for effect. "If I let you out. You could help me terrorize the ponies once again.” He put his paw over his chin in thought.
‘Well, then, what are you waiting for? Release me!’ I demanded of the Draconequus.
“Now, Mikey-“
‘NO ONE calls me Mikey!’ I snarled in my mind. He visibly flinched at this.
“Ok, ok. Geez, just chill man.” He said in a hippy-ish voice. Once I took a deep mental breath and let it out through my nose he put on a pseudo-sad face and said. “I was going to let you out, but now I’m not so sure.” He put a foreleg over his forehead and shouted: “oh, the emotional turmoil! Woe is me!”
‘Ok, I’m cool now. Can you just release me already?’ I asked him in a calm tone.
“What’s the magic word?” he grinned at me with an eyebrow raised.
‘Discord!’ I thought to him menacingly, more annoyed than anything.
“Hmm… while that is a very magical word, it's not The Magic Word.” He said sarcastically as he flew away with a laugh.
‘No! Wait! I’m sorry! Please! Discord, I’m begging you, please release me!’ I yelled in my mind as his wing beats grew further. Once they faded out completely, I quit calling out to him.
‘Damn you, discord. Damn you to hell.’ I thought as I slumped my shoulders.
…
…
…
‘Wait.’