//------------------------------//
// Chapter 4: Misery Loves Company (And Cupcakes) 
// Story: A Ghost And A Roach 
// by Delta 727 
//------------------------------//

	"Um, wow. You sure were hungry."

After Twilight's comment, Roach leaned back in his undersized chair, patting his full stomach with both hands. Having demolished a dozen cupcakes in one sitting, he was feeling very satisfied.

Soon after Twilight left the castle in Canterlot, Roach's stomach had finally caught up with him. He wasn't sure how long it was since he'd last eaten, but it felt like forever. As soon as Twilight boarded them on the express train back to Ponyville (in a private car, of course), she immediately took them to one of her favorite spots for food: Sugarcube Corner.

That's where they found themselves now, a table (and entire restaurant) to themselves so they could converse over a few pastries.

Roach let out a satisfied sigh, responding to the lavender unicorn. "You kidding? That was only an appetizer!" Ghost, who had gone through about three, just shook his head.

"You really make me sick just watching you sometimes, Roach." He turned his attention back to Twilight. "Don't worry about him. What you should worry about is answering a few more questions for me."

No longer afraid of the two humans, Twilight rolled her eyes. "I thought we were done with the questions."

"Not even close." Ghost rested one forearm on the table, leaning forward on it. "What were you and your little monarchy talking about?"

"Nothing!" Twilight blurted out, a little more urgently than she would have liked.

The hand Ghost had on the table raised one finger. "Strike one. I'm gonna ask you again." He leaned in a little more. "What're you hiding from us?"

"I'm telling you, it's really nothing." Twilight tried to seem cool, but she was starting to sweat.

Ghost raised another finger. "Strike two. You wanna find out what happens when I get to three?"

Twilight was openly shaking, trying to hold in the confidential information. She rubbed one shoulder nervously, glancing back and forth between the ground and Ghost. Ghost's stare never wavered, and it was starting to make Twilight very uneasy. Finally, she wiped her brow, and reassumed an erect position of authority.

But when she tried to speak, her voice cracked. She gasped, a hoof reaching her muzzle.

Ghost paused, then a third finger went up.

"That's three strikes, lil' lady." Ghost started to get up.

But Roach's hand stopped him.

"Aww, c'mon, Ghost," Roach said. "They fed us didn't they?" Ghost just stared at his comrade as he went on, this time in a serious tone. "Give it a rest. If she can't talk about it, she can't talk about it. They've got rules here, too." Ghost paused, then gently took his seat. "There. Now that we settled that," Roach tapped the stack of cupcake trays, looked toward the back of the restaurant, and yelled, "How 'bout another round?"

"Comin' riiight up!" A very uplifted voice sounded from the back, and a pink blur raced across the room, only for a pink pony to hang down from the ceiling, a full tray of cupcakes in hoof. "Here you are!" The pony said.

Roach gratefully took the tray, but Ghost was eyeing the pony uneasily, then shook his head. "I still have no bloody idea how that's possible."

"Anything's possible as long as you have fun doing it!" The pink pony replied. Ghost just waved off the comment with one hand.

"Sorry," Twilight said. "Pinkie can be a bit," Twilight paused. "Random at times.

"I can dig it," Roach said, already halfway through another pink cupcake.

"Now, if you don't mind," Twilight said. "The Princesses asked me to ask you a few questions."

"We do," Ghost said.

"We don't," Roach said.

At the same time.

They both looked at each other. Ghost shook his head, but Roach nodded. Ghost's shaking got more insistent, but so did Roach's nodding.

Ghost stood up abruptly. "She's not asking us shi-!"

"Sh!" Roach held up one finger. "Sh." He shook his hand once at Ghost. "Now sit down, and let the lady talk." Ghost didn't sit down. He paused for a moment, then slapped Roach's hand away, storming out the front door.

"Um," Twilight started. "Is he okay?"

Roach waved it off. "He'll be fine. Now what do you need to know?"


---


After Ghost stormed out of the building, he found himself in the middle of a crowded street, ponies on all sides staring at him. He realized he couldn't leave himself exposed in the middle of such an unfriendly crowd, so he quickly ducked behind the building, sitting down against the back wall. He crossed his arms, and shook his head. "Bloody hard-head," he murmured.

Now that he was alone, Ghost started really thinking. He and Roach were the only two of their kind on a world of colorful, talking ponies. Now, while this was a lot to take in before, the brunt of it finally hit him.

These ponies might actually be dangerous.

Ghost realized that if they even stepped a little bit out of line, they might be subject to some very bad consequences.

Another thing he realized was that while it would be stupid to fight back, he would go down shooting, like he'd failed to do when Shepherd had betrayed them.

But what he didn't realize was that one of the ponies from the street had followed him into the alley, and had just accidentally tapped an empty tin can with its hoof. Ghost immediately brought up his assault rifle, pointing it at the corner of the building to his left. At first glance, it was empty. But at second glance, he spotted a small, soft pink tuft of fur just barely poking out from around the corner. He held his gun steady.

"I can clearly see you," Ghost said. He heard a light squeak from around the corner. "Come out slowly."

At first, the tuft didn't move. But after a very tense moment, it disappeared, and a small, yellow head peeked around the corner. It didn't flinch at the sight of the gun, but it looked afraid to come out.

"I said come out slowly," Ghost repeated. The pony shifted out a few more inches, revealing a long, pink mane and trembling shoulders. Ghost rolled his eyes. "Do I have to come back there and get you?" The pony squeaked, and shook its trembling head. "Then come out where I can see you." The pony stepped out from behind the corner, revealing its full, shaking form. Yellow coat, pink mane, blue eyes, and three butterflies on its hip. That, and it was trembling so hard that it looked like its legs would buckle at any second. Ghost could clearly see that this pony was terrified. He held his aim for a couple more moments, then quickly lowered his weapon, letting out a long sigh. He put one hand on his forehead, not even looking at the creature. "Don't worry, I'm not gonna hurt you." He half expected the creature to run, but when he looked up again, it was still there. He held his hand slightly away from his forehead. "What?"

"U-um," the pony said. "W-what are you?"

"A human being," Ghost replied. "Anything else absolutely blowing your mind about me?" The pony didn't respond, but its shaking started to die down. "Well, if that'll be all, I suggest you just forget you ever saw me." Ghost looked away from the pony again, but still it didn't leave.

"A-are you o-okay?" It asked.

Ghost was taken completely by surprise. "What?" He asked.

The pony took a couple tentative steps toward Ghost, who didn't stop it from doing so. "A-are you okay?" It asked again.

Ghost sighed, shaking his head. "No, I'm not okay at all. And I think it's best if you didn't get mixed up in what I'm dealing with right now."

The pony took a step toward Ghost, then laid down gently, about five feet from him. "Well, it can't be that bad," the pony almost whispered.

"I'm supposedly dead, I've been teleported to this planet for unknown reasons, and my partner and I are being interrogated by a purple unicorn-"

"Twilight?" the pony asked. Ghost looked over at the yellow creature.

"Yeah," Ghost said. "You know it- er, her?"

"Well, she's one of the Elements of Harmony." The pony put a hoof to its chest. "I-I am too."

Ghost paused. "What's your name?" The pony paused. "C'mon, I won't bite. I'll tell you mine first. Name's Simon Riley. Call me Ghost."

"G-ghost?" The pony shivered.

Ghost couldn't help but grin, shaking his head. "Don't worry, it's just a nickname. And it's not for a very relevant reason. Now what's your name? You got one?"

"Y-yeah," the pony replied. "I-I'm... Fluttershy."

"What was that?" Ghost asked.

"F-Fluttershy."

"I'd like it if you didn't make me ask again."

The pony just shifted back a little, whimpering. Ghost sighed.

"Nevermind," Ghost said. "So why're you so interested in me?

"Well, um," Fluttershy paused. "I-I just couldn't leave some poor creature like you all alone behind Sugarcube Corner. I've never seen anyone leave there looking so mad. Something must be terribly wrong."

Ghost waved one hand in Fluttershy's direction. "It's nothing. Just my partner pushing me a little too far. Had to let myself cool off for a minute." He pointed one thumb toward the wall behind him. "He's in there talking to Twilight and that pink pony."

"Pinkie Pie?" Fluttershy asked.

"What?" Ghost asked.

Fluttershy squeaked. "Um, s-sorry," Fluttershy said. "The pink pony? Her name's Pinkie Pie."

Ghost rolled his eyes. "Of course it is. My friend in there, in case you meet him, is Gary Sanderson. Call him Roach."

"Roach?" Fluttershy echoed. "That's not very nice."

"Yeah, well I didn't give him that name," Ghost said. "I'm not the one who can do anything about it. He doesn't seem to mind it." The two of them sat there in awkward silence for a moment. Fluttershy gently kicked a small pebble  in front of her, only knocking it away about an inch. Ghost leaned his head back against the wall, his rifle still at his side. That was about the time a pigeon decided to fly over Ghost, and drop an air strike right on Ghost's helmet. Ghost tensed up, his hands immediately going to his helmet. When he pulled it away, his gloves were white. "Gah, sunnuva-!" Ghost yelled out. He almost picked up his rifle to to a little skeet shooting before Fluttershy was at his side.

"Oh, my gosh," Fluttershy said. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," Ghost replied, gently shaking her off, flicking his hand off to one side to remove the substance from his hand. "You got a rag or something?" He paused, then immediately spoke again. "Sorry, I forgot you don't have any pocket-" He stopped as Fluttershy held out a small, pink cloth in her hoof. "What's this?"

"Just a cloth," Fluttershy said. "You can use it if you need to."

"Is it yours?" Ghost asked. Fluttershy nodded. "You really want me to use your special rag to clean off this-" He was cut off as Fluttershy gently placed the cloth in his hand, then gently stepped back, giving him a sideways glance with a small grin on her face. But what Fluttershy didn't know was that in that moment, Ghost was having a change of heart.

	Of course I was thinking like a bloody idiot, Ghost thought to himself. These things wouldn't even hurt a fly. No way they'd ever hurt us unless we went at them first. Ah, that'll never happen. Not unless we absolutely have to. I just hope Roach can hold himself together. Don't need him snapping off at someone- er... Somepony. He'd finished cleaning his helmet, but still clenched the rag in thought. Roach, please, whatever you do, don't do something stupid.

And that was when he heard the first gunshot.


---


Twilight scratched the back of her head with one hoof. "Well, um, just a few simple things. Is there anything you remember about before you got here?"

"Well, not much," Roach said, leaning back in his chair. "We were fighting a war-"

"A war?" Twilight blurted out, not intending to interrupt. "Sorry. Go on."

Roach grinned. "Yeah. A war. There's a country on our world called Russia, and some punk from that place called Makarov called out the United States, a country that our homeland was working with, out. He blew up a whole platoon of our guys, basically declaring war, and we were fighting back. When we 'died', we were sent to one of his outposts in the middle of a forest to kill him. Surprise surprise, he's not there. So, instead, we hijack some very valuable intel, that means 'intelligence', from him. After a big firefight that completely ruined the perfectly good vacation home it was hidden in, I was nearly blown sky-high by an RPG."

"RPG?" Twilight asked. She flinched, realizing that she interrupted again. Before she could apologize, Roach cut her off.

"Don't worry about apologizing," Roach said. "I can imagine there are a lot of phrases we have that you don't know. So if you hear anything, and you don't know what it means, just ask. Alright?" Twilight nodded. "Alright. So RPG stands for rocket-propelled grenade. Yeah, it's as scary as it sounds, and being hit by one should've killed me. Luckily, Ghost was there to drag my sorry self toward our evac choppers, which are big, flying, metal containers that transport people, and we were pretty happy to see our beloved General Shepherd step out of the first. And as soon as Ghost handed him the intel." He paused. "BANG!" He yelled, one hand with its fingers in the shape of a gun flying up into the air. Twilight nearly jumped out of her seat. "Shot me right in the gut. 'Course Ghost being the good guy he is, he tried to shoot Shepherd right through the head before the good general shot him too. Then, he left us to bleed, coated us in gasoline, and set our bleeding corpses on fire. Next thing I know," Roach held his hands out to his sides, "Here we are."

"Wow," Twilight said. "That's so much to take in."

"Yeah, I get ya," Roach said. "I'm still working it out myself. Still pretty ticked that I'm here, and our boys are back home with a mole on the loose, and not the cute kind that burrows around in the ground.

"Aww," Pinkie said, still hanging from the ceiling. "I bet it would be a whole lot funnier if it was a real mole."

Roach looked up at the pink pony. "There's nothing funny about it at all," Roach said. "Now don't get offended by that, I'm just saying. I never saw it coming, and I'm pretty sure Ghost didn't either." Roach put his hand up on the table, clenching his fist. "And I'd really like to put a bullet through that punk's brain right about now."

"What's a bullet?" Both of the ponies asked. Roach drew his sidearm, holding it up and examining it.

"Do you have a flower pot or something?" he asked.

"Sure!" Pinkie disappeared from the ceiling, then rushed back to the table with a pink vase in hoof.

"Good," Roach said. "Now set it on one of those far tables." Pinkie rushed over to one of the tables, and set up the vase. "Good. Now come back by your friend over here. Good. Now both of you, cover your ears." The two ponies did so. Roach immediately raised the sidearm and fired a single round through the vase. Twilight screamed, and fell out of her chair, and Pinkie just froze in place, a look of shock on her face. That was the time when Ghost burst back through the front door, Fluttershy at his side.

"Roach!" Ghost yelled. "What's gotten in your bloody head!? You could've killed one of them!" Twilight tried to ask how that was possible, but her ears were still ringing, and she still couldn't get off the floor.

Roach just twirled the pistol around once on his finger, blew across the barrel, and slid it back in his holster. "Well, Ghost, let's just say I was imagining that the vase over there was our good friend General Shepherd." Ghost stormed across the room and snatched the sidearm from Roach's hand, removing the clip onto the floor and ejecting the chambered round. "Aww, c'mon, Mom, I was just having a little fun!"

"Your 'fun' could've gotten us killed!" All three of the ponies in the room flinched as Ghost said that.

"How?"  Roach asked. "They don't even know what a gun is! One of their bonehead guards almost blew us sky high and didn't even flinch! You really think a gunshot's gonna tick 'em off?"

Twilight was finally recovering from the incident, but everything still sounded muffled to her as she spoke. "Um, I don't know what just happened, but can you please not do it again?"

Roach simply held out two hands toward the downed pony as he looked Ghost straight in the eye, proving his point.

Ghost rolled his eyes as he carefully stepped over to the lavender unicorn, and knelt down. "I need you to hold still for a second." He carefully began to examine one of Twilight's ears. "I need to make sure he didn't blow out your blasted eardrums. Do your ears hurt?"

"Um, not really," Twilight said, tilting her head in discomfort. "It's just really hard to hear."

"Do you hear any ringing?" Ghost moved to the other ear.

"Yeah, a little."

"Good." Ghost let go of her ear and stood up. "Your ears are still intact." He looked back at Roach. "Which is less than what can be said for you in a few minutes." Roach just gave him an innocent shrug.

The bell above the front door dinged.

Another pony entered.

"Aw, sunnuva-" Roach said as he started to turn around, only to see a Royal Guard standing there.

"The Princesses have requested to see you, Twilight Sparkle," the guard said. He looked over at Ghost and Roach. "And the two of you as well. The train is waiting for you at the station." And with that, he left the shop in silence.

Twilight sighed. "Well, I guess we better get going, you two. Fluttershy, can you make sure Pinkie's okay?"

"U-um," Fluttershy stammered. "I guess so. But I dunno what to do for," she pointed at Pinkie. "That."

Pinkie was as motionless as a statue, frozen in the same position of shock as she was when Roach's weapon went off. Twilight sighed.

"Just, I don't know, make sure she isn't stuck like that?"

"I-I'll try," Fluttershy responded, gently gliding over to the frozen pony. She tried moving one of her legs, but it didn't budge. "C'mon, Pinkie, i-it's not funny anymore." She tried pulling on her neck. Still nothing. She was still pulling with all her might as Twilight was leading the two soldiers out of the store. Before they left, Roach took a single glance behind him at the two remaining ponies. He sighed, picked up the discarded magazine from his weapon, and shook his head as he left.

"I'm not even gonna ask what drugs that pony's on."