//------------------------------//
// 4: Bombs, Brags, and Bitches 
// Story: Fortresshy: The Nine Fathers 
// by Tatsurou 
//------------------------------//

	Demoman was drunk.  Not big surprise.

Given his passion for alcohol and its lack of availability in his homeland, his preferred leisure activity when working for Mann Co. was to drink.  Now, since he didn't believe in self control - much like the rest of the team - this meant he almost always drank to excess, until he was raving drunk.  This, of course, had Soldier yelling at him for being drunk on duty, which he ignored.  Besides, the stuff tasted great.

As he staggered through the fortress, he sang as he continued to swig from his jug.

"...Now the Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled toward the trees
Behind a bush, he lifts his kilt and gawks at what he sees
And in a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes.
O lad I don't know where you been but I see you won first prize"

He took another swig from his jug before bellowing out the last two lines of his song.

"Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
O lad I don't know where you been but I see you won first prize."

He held his voice on the last note, before ending on a loud belch.  Chuckling happily, he took another swig from his empty jug.  "Huh, need some more."  He staggered into the kitchen, popped open the fridge, and grabbed his last jug.  "I'm gonna need some more soon."  As he turned around, however, he could only stare.  "Then again, maybe I've had too much."

"And what possible reason could make the need for moderation in liquor percolate into the lump of rock you refer to as your brain?" Spy asked snidely from the his position leaning against the wall.

"I see a bunch of candy colored ponies on the table eating Heavy's fingers," Demoman replied drunkenly.

Heavy chuckled.  "Still drunk, but only one pony."  He laughed as Fluttershy playfully mouthed his massive finger.

Demoman nearly dropped his jug.  "Really?"

"Had a hard time believing it meself," Sniper commented, leaning over to gently stroke Fluttershy's mane.  "Right cutie, ain't she?"

Demoman staggered up to the table.  He stared at the pony.  Fluttershy stared back.  He tilted his head.  She tilted her head.  He scratched his forehead.  She pawed her ear with her forehoof.  He shrugged his shoulders.  She fluttered her wings.  He rubbed his eyes.  She covered hers with her hooves before uncovering them with a wide smile.

"I'm not drunk enough for this," he stated finally, taking a swig from his jug.  Fluttershy promptly sucked on Heavy's finger again.  "Hey!  She's thirsty!"  Scooping her up, he held the jug out to her.  "Here you go, drink up!"

As everyone stood up and raced forward to stop it, Fluttershy took one whiff of the jug and fell back, seeming unconscious.

Demoman cracked up laughing as he set her down.  "What a lightweight!" he bellowed with a laugh.

"Stupid drunk bomber not give Fluttershy booze!  Bad for malyutka!" Heavy shouted, obviously angry.

"Chill!" Demoman slurred to them all.  "I wouldn't actually give her any of my booze.  I'm not that drunk."  He took another swig from his jug.  "Sides, she's fine."  Leaning over, he rubbed the filly's soft belly.

Fluttershy squirmed, giggling, then cuddled up to Demoman's hand.

Setting his jug down, he stroked her mane.  "About time there was something other than battle to smile about on one of these jobs."

Soldier said nothing to that, standing unnecessarily at attention.  Spy smiled softly.  Sniper lowered his hat, grinning.  Heavy laughed happily.  Engineer watched calmly.  Pyro hovered protectively.

Medic watched in interest.  At first, it seemed like we were here to see if we would tear ourselves apart.  Now, Fluttershy seems to be pulling us closer and closer together.  Only one other remains unclaimed by her charms...

"Yo!  What's everyone doing all gathered in the kitchen?  We get new food or something?"  Scout leapt in, landing lightly at the table.  His eyes were immediately drawn to Fluttershy.  "...that's not food.  Or at least I hope not.  Don't think I could eat anything that cute."

As everyone else stared at him in shock, Fluttershy looked up at him with a huge smile.  Her wings fluttered as she slowly rose into the air, managing to get her forehooves over his arm.

"Well hey there little lady," he said, slipping his other hand under her butt to stabilize her.  "Like these gluts, huh?  Yeah, no lady can resist 'em."  He lifted her into his other arm.  "Check this.  HRNG!"  He clenched his body as he attempted to flex his arm.

Fluttershy stared at the arm, poking at the muscle that still seemed puny.

"You like that, huh?  Well, let me tell you a few things, um...what's her name?"

"Her name Fluttershy," Heavy said calmly.

"Fluttershy?" Scout asked curiously.  "Sounds like a character from a TV show for little girls."  He turned back to Fluttershy.  "Anyway, Shy, let me just tell you a few stories about how awesome I am."





Fluttershy stared up at the Noisy One in interest, fascinated by the play of emotion, shift of expression, and energy of gesticulations he used as he told his stories.  She couldn't really understand what he was saying, but she gathered that didn't really matter to him.  He was saying and doing all this to entertain her - and he was entertaining - and he reveled in the rapt attention she paid him.  There was something familiar, comfortable, about the way he went on and on about himself, making her feel absolutely safe in his arm.  With the Jug Head, he was nice but had offered the Stinky Stuff.  She didn't like the Stinky Stuff.  But the Noisy One just wanted to talk, and wanted her to listen.

She liked that.  She liked listening.  She liked how happy he seemed to be that she was listening to his every word, even if she didn't understand any of them.  Seeing that joy in him, she struggled against her drooping eyelids.





"-so anyway, then I pulled out my bat and Boink, down he goes like a sack of potatoes, head bashed in and there wasn't even any blood or hair on my bat.  Must have just caved right in due to an absence of brains.  He sure was an idiot if he walked right into that one, right Shy-"  Scout paused in his rambling as he saw Fluttershy yawn, her eyes starting to droop.  "Oh, you're tired?  Here."  Scout quickly pulled off the jacket he was wearing and wrapped her up in it.  He then sat down in a chair, rocking back and forth as he held Fluttershy in his arms.

Fluttershy looked up at him, smiling widely, and then let her head fall against his chest, slipping into deep sleep.

Everyone else simply stared.  Heavy was finally the first to speak up.  "I not believe it if I not see it...Fluttershy make Scout shut up."

"She is truly a miraculous creature, my large friend," Spy added.

"You said it," Engineer added.

"Shush!" Scout hissed intently.  "You'll wake her."

Engineer stared.  "Did Scout just shush me?"

"He does have a point," Soldier whispered.

"Another miracle?" Medic suggested.

"I'll drink to that," Demoman whispered, taking another swig.

The group slowly and quietly gathered around the tiny creature who had so quickly claimed all of their hearts.





Helen stared carefully at the screen recording the feed from the new fortress.  Her eyes were locked on the small creature wrapped in Scout's jacket.  While everyone else who had seen the filly saw adorability, helplessness, or innocence...Helen saw opportunity and profit.

As she heard someone approaching behind her, she spoke up.  "Yes, Pauline?"

Pauline shivered.  Even after all this time, Helen made her nervous.  "An unusual request has come from Fort Bumfuk," she began (the fortress so named because, as Soldier said, it was "in the middle of Bumfuk nowhere").  "It is in regard to their next food resupply."

"What do they want?" Helen asked, though she felt she could likely guess.

"They want...vegetarian baby food and...formula?"  Pauline's confusion was plain in her voice.

"Grant it," Helen said without hesitation.  "High quality stuff only.  Straight from a farm, none of that factory made dreck.  Also, increase the overall quality of all other foodstuffs we send them by 30%."

Pauline gaped.  "B-but..."  She covered her mouth before she could continue.

Helen rotated her chair around to stare at Pauline.  "Yes?"

Trapped, Pauline spoke.  "This...would increase Fort Bumfuk related expenses by 200%.  Won't Mr. Hale have a problem with the...wasted funds?"

Helen chuckled.  The sound sent chills down Pauline's spine.  "Do you remember why we stuck them out in that fortress?"

Pauline nodded.  "Unusual energy readings were detected.  The fortress was built to analyze the readings, and the team was sent to guard the fort."

"And do you remember what we did to keep that overgrown ape Saxton from asking questions?"

"You...you told him that we were going to broadcast an underground show of what happens to the team in the fortress, and let people at home watch them fall apart and tear each other apart?"

"Exactly," Helen replied, a wide grin on her face.  "All that matters to Hale as far as this project is blood and profit.  And that filly right there-"  She pointed straight at the image of Fluttershy, now tucked in beside Heavy's mini-gun Sasha, cuddled up to it.  "Is worth more than all the Australium in Hale's vault!  The strange energy readings we picked up?  She's a mobile source.  And as far as the 'show'?"  She pointed to another screen, showing ratings for the show, with a sudden spike not long ago.  "Viewership multiplied by ten when that filly showed up, and it's been steadily growing.  Requests are already coming in from fans - fans - wanting figurines of Fluttershy, or of Heavy holding Fluttershy, or of Fluttershy singing with Engineer...just imagine the profit margins there!  This show will be raking in billions before the month is out!"

Pauline's eyes widened.  "People really love her that much?"

"Her, and those bumbling buffoons taking care of her.  See how quickly they fell under her spell?  How tender and compassionate they are with her?  That sells big.  Now imagine how well it'll sell, once that filly's a little older...when they have to fight to protect her?"  Helen's grin was sadistic.  "When they know in their heart of hearts...that one lost battle means they will never see her again?"  She turned back to the screen.  "Such authentic emotion from these cretins will make us trillions!  So yes, I will authorize an extra few hundred thousand in expenses per month.  Barely a drop in the bucket compared to what we'll get.

"Now go see to it."

Pauline shuddered, quickly leaving the room to see to the new orders.

Once she was alone, Helen grinned even wider.  And that's just the tip of the iceberg, she thought silently.  That filly came from somewhere...and no one would let such a helpless creature vanish without tracking her down.  A Pegasus, a creature out of myth...obviously from a world of myth.  The potential in such a world...  And they won't come to retrieve her until they can return safely.  And where they go...I can follow.  And then the real profit begins.