//------------------------------// // 105: Roy G. Derpv // Story: Lyra's Human 2: Derpy's Human // by pjabrony //------------------------------// Derpy’s trot was closer to her gallop. “Ooh, I hate being late.” “I know what you mean,” Karyn said. “Where does the time go?” In the distance, they heard the sound of a train whistle and a bell. Derpy had heard them many times before, but even Karyn could calculate the rate of time it would take for the train to come to a stop and empty itself of passengers. The numbers didn’t look good. They were going to miss their guest. “The first pony to visit Earth from outside of Ponyville, and we’re going to miss her.” If it had been Karyn alone who had dragged her feet about getting ready, there wouldn’t have been a problem. But Derpy had also showed up late, hoping to find Karyn impatiently stamping her foot and ready to hop on. Instead, she was still abed. It took her five minutes to get Karyn awake, and even then she refused to leave immediately. “Just changeling yourself and let’s go!” Derpy had said. “I’ve got to at least take a shower. I can’t magic away my stink!” But even after that she was unwilling to go to Equestria until she had poured a bowl of cereal and gobbled it down with a spoon. “I’m not going through the entire day hungry,” Karyn had said. Now, they were paying for it. They came to a stop right outside the station and Derpy let Karyn off. Even though she hadn’t done much of the running work, she was still out of breath. “I didn’t even look at the list to see who was coming.” Before they entered, Karyn got out her paper and eyed it. “Is this really the guest?” “Yes! Come on, she’s waiting.” Derpy raced in. “All right.” Karyn followed her, and saw the pony. She was wearing the dress Karyn pictured her in and scowling, but whether that was because they were late, she couldn’t tell. Derpy pulled to a stop in front of her. “Hi, Maud Pie! I’m Derpy Hooves, and this is Karyn. Ready to go to Earth?” As Karyn expected, Maud did not respond for a long time, only blinking slowly. What did unnerve her was how Derpy was able to keep her open-mouthed smile for equally long. It was like some odd staring contest where the parties played by different rules. At last Maud broke. “You’re late,” she said. It was neither disapproving nor forgiving. It was factual. “Yes, we are,” said Karyn. “And I apologize for that. But I’m surprised that you were even on my list. You’re sure that you want to do this?” Again Maud was silent, and Karyn decided that asking questions was going to be counterproductive. She tried again. “I mean, we’re going to see humans. There probably aren’t going to be a lot of new and interesting rocks for you to experience.” The stone face held. It was left to Derpy to move the party along. “Let’s get going! This is going to be fun!” Now at a steadier pace, Derpy led them toward the center of town. She repeatedly had to slow up or circle back since Maud marched in her slow plod and would not be hastened. Karyn couldn’t help herself and had to try to break the silence. “Is there anything in particular you want to see or do on Earth?” Hopefully something quiet so the silences aren’t so awkward, she thought. “I know you said it’s not about rocks…” Maud paused as if the sentence was an effort. “…but I still want to see some. Even if they’re ordinary rocks.” Karyn shrugged. “All right, we’ll find something that goes with that I’m sure. So that it’s fun for all of us.” She allowed herself to zone out until they reached the clock tower. “After you, Maud,” said Derpy. “Why are we going up to the clock tower?” Karyn was so surprised to hear Maud ask a question, or indeed begin any part of a conversation herself, that she couldn’t answer at first. Derpy stepped in. “OK, so normally I fly up to about the same height as the clock tower, and then we go to Earth because the point where we enter is, like, lined up with where you are in Equestria.” She drew on the ground to illustrate. “But obviously you can’t fly, so we need to get you up to someplace high. Otherwise, you’d emerge into Earth like, way far below the ground, trapped there.” Maud went back to her blinking silence. “And that’s bad,” said Karyn. “I know that you can tunnel through rock fast enough to survive such a situation, but it would mess with my landlady’s backyard, and it’s not really a nice thing to do. Plus you’d get your dress all dirty. So, please trust us, going from the top of the tower is the best way.” “All right.” Derpy began to regret her “After you.” It was bad enough when they had open space to walk, but as Maud’s heavy footfall landed on each stair, Karyn and Derpy were getting anxious. Each of them thought about flying up ahead of her to the top, but they both thought it was rude. But time marched on, and they eventually reached the summit. Whatever her personality quirks, Maud was intelligent and picked up quickly how the spell to transfer universes worked. She took on the saddlebag without noticing the extra weight and followed Derpy’s lead in turning her hoof inside the spell. For Derpy, appearing on Earth and switching the universe-crossing spell for the invisibility one was burned into her muscle memory. Karyn slid off and barely had time to look before Derpy was nowhere to be seen. Maud, however, was taking her time. She carefully placed the first spell in the second saddlebag, then shuffled as though rebalancing it. After a pause, she removed the second spell. Karyn waved her hand in a “Come on” gesture. “Maud, quick. You’ve got to use that spell before someone sees you!” Maud neither slackened nor sped her pace. Her hoof approached the spell when Karyn heard the rustling of curtains from the house, and then the cry, “Oh my gosh, a gray horse in a dress!” Out rushed Gayle, her own sundress full of color and dancing every which way in the breeze. “I can’t believe this, this is so cool! Is this, like, your steed or something? Did you conjure her up or—oh, no, you didn’t turn someone into her, did you? Hello! Hello, horsie who may or may not be a person!” Karyn was in a panic, and Derpy wasn’t much better off. Each reached for the other hoping to get an idea of what to do. It didn’t help that Maud chose that moment to abandon her reticence and say, “Hi.” “She talks?!” The backyard was shielded from view by the house on one side and a thick forest on the other, so for the moment Karyn wasn’t worried about anyone else finding out. If anything, attention would be drawn more to Gayle’s excitement. She had to get control of the situation. Derpy, though, had her own ideas. She canceled out her own invisibility spell. Whether by design or luck, that spurred Karyn into action. “Everyone inside now,” she said with the voice of a commander. “Maud, you too, with a bit of speed, if you please. Once there we can sort this out.” Gayle was only too happy to go. Derpy pled with her eyes for Maud to listen. It could not be called a gallop, but she did walk fast enough for Karyn’s satisfaction. They got inside the apartment with no cars or pedestrians walking by. She exhaled. “Sorry there isn’t enough space for everyone.” “Why don’t we go into my part of the house?” said Gayle. “I don’t want to risk showing the ponies—not horses, by the way, and not transformed humans either—off again by taking them outside.” “We don’t have to. There’s a communicating door in the back of the closet.” Karyn stared. “There is? I didn’t know that.” “Oh, I locked it from your side when I let you the apartment. That only seemed fair.” Mollified, Karyn led them to the closet and found the door at the back. Brushing aside her winter coat, she led them all into the main house where Gayle took over as hostess. “Let me get chairs—oh, you probably don’t use chairs, do you?” “We’re quite comfortable on our hooves,” said Derpy. Gayle looked at her for the first time. “You have wings. You’re Pegasus!” “I’m a pegasus, yes, but my name is Derpy.” Maud showed curiosity for the first time. Derpy could understand it, as only she among the ponies knew that the name Pegasus meant a single, famous, mythical flying horse on Earth. Karyn, meanwhile, was trying to get Gayle’s attention away from the ponies. “So I suppose it’s time that I come clean. I’m no witch, nor any synonym thereof. All of the magic that you’ve seen comes from the ponies. Even the first discovery you thought you made wasn’t even telekinesis, just Derpy, being invisible, helping me move in. This other pony is Maud, who is our guest just for today. It’s a new thing we’re doing, introducing ponies to humans. We hadn’t intended for it to be you, but you spotted her, and now you know everything.” “But all of the spells you cast…” “No, there were none. Not strictly true, I take that back. I do have changeling powers.” She demonstrated by altering her hair color, then briefly recounted the tale of how it happened. Throughout the story, Maud kept her placid lack of interest. When it was all told, Gayle, although the smile never left her lips, turned down her eyes. “I’m still confused. You’re saying that there is magic, but none of it here, and yet you have a bag of spells, but they’re not true magic?” “Unfortunately we don’t have the third kind of pony here, which is a unicorn pony. Unicorns were the ones who have what you would call true magic, but it’s all a part of what makes Derpy fly and makes Maud…um…” To her surprise, Maud entered the conversation. “I’m an Earth pony. I’m into rocks.” “It’s true!” said Derpy. “She could pound a huge boulder into dust in a few seconds, if you needed that sort of thing.” Gayle moved her gaze from one to the other. “And you’re all from Equestria. Like on the show.” “Yes.” For the first time since Karyn had known her, Gayle got serious. “Why didn’t you just tell me? You didn’t have to lie.” “I’m sorry,” said Karyn. “Isn’t honesty one of the elements of harmony?” “It is, and again I apologize. It’s just that you’re my first landlord, and I didn’t want to get into any trouble.” Putting her hands on her knees, Gayle burst out laughing. “I’m trying not to be that kind of landlord. You’re my first tenant too, so I’m hoping that we can break some of those stereotypes.” She turned to the ponies. “And I’m sure I can be friends with Equestrians.” Derpy, of course, had been in Gayle’s part of the house, though she was not eager to let that be known. Instead, she said, “Why don’t you show Maud some of your artwork?” “I’d like nothing better. Maud? You seem fashionable and avant-garde. You’ll probably like some of this.” She had a few canvasses in various states of completion. Some were covered with velvet draping, and she made no move to reveal them. That was fair, thought Karyn. Any artist has some things that she’s not ready for everyone to see. Maud seemed the perfect art aficionado, able to stare at each painting for long enough to seem appreciative, then move on to the next one. “So, what do you think?” Please be nice, thought Karyn. Maud was never rude to her knowledge, but she had the knack for saying the wrong thing. “How did you paint them?” “I’m sorry? I mean, I’ve studied art for a long time, it’s something I’ve always wanted to do. My style is—“ “I mean, what did you use?” Gayle blushed. “Oh! Yeah, I guess my brushes wouldn’t be very intuitive to you. But you could mouth them, I think.” She opened a drawer and pulled out a fan-shaped brush. Maud stared. “No, what’s the paint?” “What is it? Well, I mean, um…it’s paint! Oh, but yes, I’ve used different ones. I tried watercolors for a while but I prefer oils and acrylics.” Maud still had questions, but she expressed them with her face rather than her voice. Gayle went to another drawer and pulled out a tray of new paints. Now Maud showed interest. “Gelled, yes, but the pigments are rocks. I’ve never seen these rocks.” “Oh, dear.” Derpy rolled her eyes. “You found the thing that Maud’s really into.” Karyn approached Maud. “I’ll believe that you can tell the pigment rocks from the paint, but how do you know they’re not the same as Equestrian rocks?” Maud drilled her with a look. “They’re different.” Gayle was prepared to believe her implicitly. “I studied the chemistry of paints back in art school, but I’ve forgotten all of it, I’m sure. I know acrylics are synthetic but I don’t know how they’re made or what they’re made of. A lot of the other ones are natural though, and since technically they’re all made of the same elements I guess they do qualify as rocks. You’re a geologist? Yeah, I can tell from your cutie mark. Wah! I can’t believe that I’m actually teaching a pony about what I do! We’ll have to look up some information on what they’re all made of.” She peppered her speech with pauses, as if waiting for Maud to interrupt and share her enthusiasm. But when she finally ran down, Maud just stared. At last she opened her mouth. “You talk a lot,” she said. Derpy’s jaw dropped, and Karyn visibly winced. Gayle didn’t know how to react. It was a lot easier, Derpy thought, to be the target of rudeness than to witness it, especially from someone you were trying to show around and whom you felt responsible for. “I’m sorry, Gayle,” she said. “I don’t think you talk too much, even if this is the first chance I’ve gotten to speak to you.” “No, she’s right. I do talk too much. Cooped up in here all alone, working on my art projects, I even talk to myself too much. I should probably give it up and go work in an office somewhere, but I wouldn’t know how. Although, even when I’m out trying to sell a piece or such, I still talk too much. I should just let my agent handle it all.” “You’re doing it again right now.” “Sorry, it’s nervous energy. I’ll stop.” “Excuse me.” If anything was more shocking than hearing Maud speak, it was hearing her say those two words. “I didn’t mean to be rude. And I didn’t say that you talk too much, just that you talk a lot. I like that, if the person has interesting things to say. I really want to hear more about your paints and how you sell your art.” For once, it was Maud who had to undergo everyone else staring at her and not speaking. Everyone just looked for a while, realizing that the faux pas had been explained and everything was back to bonhomie. Finally, Gayle said, “You…you really do?” “Sure.” “All right! Well, like I said, I have to look up some of these, but I know that the watercolors…” She launched into a long lecture, punctuated with her racing around the house to show one work or another. When Maud found that she also did the occasional sculpture, her interest was redoubled. Karyn and Derpy sat back in the chairs around the table and conversed in low whispers. They were content to let Gayle do all the talking and let Maud do all the listening. It was still a touch awkward for Karyn, who felt she was invading in a place she didn’t belong. It took her a moment to realize that Gayle was speaking to her, and she smiled, hoping that she was not noticed failing to pay attention. “I just wanted to say that I’m ever so grateful that you’ve finally showed me the ponies.” “Thanks. Just about everyone who’s met them has been blown away that there really exists a magical world.” Gayle shook her head. “That’s nice, but it’s not really what I was talking about. Even if Maud weren’t a pony, she’s exactly the kind of person I want to meet and be friends with.” “Really?” “Yes. She listens. Look at her, even know, you can tell that not only is she listening to me, but she’s not doing anything else. Almost no one is like that, able to really focus. I get like that sometimes when I’m painting; it’s like the rest of the world goes away. But Maud is like that all the time.” Karyn looked at Derpy, as if to seek confirmation, but Derpy just shrugged. “You’re right. She probably is. You two go well together.” “Thanks. I don’t mean to be rude, but do you think it would be all right if she and I hung out together?” Now Derpy looked to Karyn to make sure she wasn’t panicking. “You mean, without us? That would be the first time that somepony else has been on Earth without me or Karyn around. It could be dangerous.” Maud gave her one of her blank looks, but Karyn was starting to read her expressions. It promised that she wouldn’t get into trouble. And given the Pie family track record, Karyn was ready to trust her. “No, I think that would be a good idea. They can stay here all day and talk. Or Gayle can talk and Maud can listen.” “Are you sure?” “Yes. Why don’t we go back into my place?” Karyn was already getting up. “You can knock on the communicating door or Gayle can come back around later. Or, for that matter, if you’re comfortable enough, Maud, with the spells, you can just go right home and I’ll say my goodbyes through Derpy. I don’t know exactly when your train back to the rock farm is.” “Thanks,” said Maud, but though Gayle said nothing, hers was the more excited face. “So let me tell you about…”she said to Maud as Derpy and Karyn retreated back through the door. “We could have actually gone around,” Derpy said. “I know enough to keep the invisibility spell on.” “You do, but we’re here now, and I guess we could have our wrap up now, although it doesn’t feel right.” “True. What we do have is the whole day together, just as if we haven’t brought a guest.” They decided to go out and leave a note for Maud, should she decide to cut her visit short, which neither of them anticipated. They hopped in Karyn’s car and ran down for ice cream. “Gayle has my cell phone number in case of emergency. Tell me, what is it about Maud? She’s definitely like nopony else.” Derpy licked her ice cream cone and thought. “I think that there’s a much more complex pony deep inside her that she doesn’t want to let out. She’s not unlike Fluttershy in that way, but Fluttershy is, well, aggressively shy. She wants friends, but has to work at it. Maud probably wants very few friends, but she wants to know them really deeply. That’s my read, but I could be completely wrong.” “I suppose.” “What I’m thinking more of is Gayle. She reacted just about opposite from Sarah when we introduced her to Colgate. In that case, the human was skeptical at first, then she got into it, and then by the end she wanted magic of her own. I was worried that that would be setting a precedent, and that every human we met from now on was going to want some kind of spell.” Karyn blanched. “I didn’t even think about that. I probably figured that we wouldn’t tell anyone else. And besides, Maud’s an Earth pony.” “But I can fly, and we still have our spells. Besides, there will be other unicorns along if we keep this up. No, I think that Gayle is happy enough in her life without magic. Or maybe that she’s nutty enough that she doesn’t need to be more unique.” “You’re right again. And so is she. I should become better friends with her and not be so scared of her just because she’s my landlord. Maybe she’ll even let me slide on rent if times are tough.” “I wouldn’t push that if I were you,” said Derpy, shaking her head. “Anyway, do you have the list of who’s coming? We should see which pony we’re inviting over next week.” Karyn went into her purse. “Oh, my. It looks like we could have some trouble with this one.” “I think you would have said the same thing about Maud if you had realized it ahead of time.” “Yes, but if we’re going to bring a human guest, we’re going to need someone with a lot of patience and tolerance.”