Chapter One
Loose Change.
The past year had been a rather unpleasant one. Change is always unpleasant. I had finally moved out of the house I was staying in and into an apartment. Paying rent and being alone weren't the things that were causing my heart to pain me though.
No, the thought of abandoning the ones I had grown to love was. I didn't really abandon them however. My girlfriend had finally told me that she had enough and that she couldn't take it any more. The stress, the trash, the kids, everything was getting to her. She finally broke down and checked herself in for a month into a hospital. We said we would see each other after she got better. But in that time, Dave, her husband, had decided that enough was enough. He told me that I had a week to find an apartment, or legal action would be pressured.
The first night of that week I was gravely ill from all the stress. The second night, I started looking. The third night was like the Sword of Damocles over my head; Dave glared at me while I was on the computer desperately looking for anything I could get my hands on. The only benefit here was that my fingers fluttered faster over the keyboard. The fourth night I found a place and signed a lease. When I told him, he told me that all my stuff was to be out at the end of the week. Or else.
I wanted to tell her about the new apartment, but he told me that if I contacted her while she was in the hospital, his actions would be swift, harsh, and devastating. The fifth day, I gathered most of my stuff. The important things. The sixth day, another load. The less important items and any clothing. The seventh day, I went back to gather anything I missed. There was a smoldering pile in the front yard near where the trash cans would normally be placed. I recognized the charred remains of a few of my possessions. Nothing important, just stuff that I had left.
I could see him out of the corner of my eye, gazing out the window, watching my every move, his cold, unblinking eyes staring out of the darkness. Hand ready on the phone, making it clear what would happen next if I even touched a blade of grass on the lawn. I pretended not to see him and walked forward, acting as if I were some stranger who had gotten lost in the wrong neighborhood. As I turned, I could see him setting down the phone and nodding as if to say "That's right, keep walking..."
That night in my new apartment I tried to feel numb about everything that had happened. I tried to deny the feelings. But in the last hour, I just broke down crying. The pain was too much, it was too heavy. I think I was still crying as I fell into a dreamless sleep...
The month passed and she came out of the hospital better from it. Or so I heard. Then she contacted me and we agreed to meet in the food court of the mall. A nice public area. We talked and then she asked me why I hadn't visited her or anything and why I was living on my own now. I tried being as honest as I could be about the situation. And I was about to be.
That’s when I spotted him in the crowd standing near the elevator on the opposite side of the court. He was staring at me with eyes...strange eyes that seemed deeper into their sockets than normal. He was sipping on a drink in a methodical manner...
"I-I just found a place. I thought it would be good to give Dave and the kids some space." I lied. She told me that that was a funny way to do so, but if I felt that way, then that was the way I felt. After a still more awkward meal I turned to leave, telling her that I had work tonight and this meeting was cutting into my sleep time. She grabbed my cuff and pulled me into a hug.
"You didn't think you were just going to leave without a hug and a kiss did you?"
She tightened her hug and gave me a passionate kiss. It was like running under a waterfall after traveling through the desert. It was like pure bliss. It was magic. I opened my eyes and smiled a goofy grin.
I was about to say something but then noticed him standing in the crowd. His cup looked like it had the life wrung out of it. His eyes were smoldering coals of searing hate. I put on my best face and pretended not to see anything.
"I'll see you soon m'dear." I said. She nodded and let me on my way.
That was a week ago. The clock on my wall ticks overshadowing most of the other noises in this small apartment. The only other sound I can hear is the sound of my breathing as I lay on my back. I am trying to comprehend everything that has happened. I give up and turn to my side. I wait for my mind to settle, however it doesn't. It continues to bubble with possibilities of what could or should have happened. What might have been done to make things better. But even there it all ends the same.
I sniff hard. "Why does everything I do end in heartbreak?" I ask out loud, trying to helping to break the silence around me. I don't expect an answer.
"When it involves you... That it does..." said a thin reedy voice from behind me.
I quickly sit up in my bed only to find a clammy hand with a tissue covering my face. There is a strong horrible chemical smell and my hand goes up to remove the obstruction in front of my face. But within a few moments of struggle and a few breaths, I feel a darkness overpower me. I attempt to fight but it's no use. The world goes black and then ceases to exist.
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I am awoken by bright light and sound. It is the booming sound of an old TV being turned on, the faint almost not-quite-there humming that one hears when walking into the room. This is then followed by the flickering of florescent lights.
“Ugh..." I groan attempting to lift my hand in an effort to shield my eyes from their harshness, but quickly find out that I'm strapped down. Looking down, my eyes adjust to the light. I am in a tube of sorts, long white metal rings surround me and there is a slow strobe.
My eyes are straining by looking down. But I can make out a circle of darkness at the end of this tube.
"He's awake," says a female voice.
A young rough female British voice speaks. "Good, I have been dying to tell him off."
"I don't see why you all wouldn't just let me gut him. Get it over with." My eyes are having trouble identifying anything outside that circle of darkness, but two reflected circles of greenish light suddenly can be made out from whomever is now speaking. So many voices. Why do I feel like I know them?
"This way is better," replies a male voice.
A shape drifts past the portal to the outside of this chamber or pod. I can make out a female shape, but it sparkles and luminescences in a way that just isn't natural...
"Yes...This way is...Better..." She says as a head of some kind pops up in front of the dark circle below me. She puts her hand on the top of the head as if petting it...the light of the pod is just enough that I can make out details. It looks almost like a...puppy dog’s face?
"This way is more...beneficial to all parties here." She continues. "More Merciful."
"Why the hell should we show him any mercy, Tatiania?" hisses a southern sounding voice. There is a pause from a drama I can't see being played out. But whose presence is so strong that I could swear it filled the very air...
"Queen Tatiania. My Apologies Queen Tatiania." She says.
"Because, we have all loved him. And we all know that we can't outright end his life," she says.
"Says you," comes a growl.
"Wisp'o'Willow, Your temper is great, and your people are known for it. However, look into your heart. Could you outright kill him?" Her voice is like nothing I have ever heard...and yet...hearing all of these voices. I recognize them and it’s grating at me that I can't place them. Where do I know them from?!
There is a low growl...and then a sigh. "Maybe not outright..." she replies.
"Exactly, and you're not the only one who has had feelings for this one. Every Party here wishes for something to be done about him. Banishment is a far better solution than mere death." Banishment? What is going on out there in the dark? Who are these people, what is going on? I try to speak but I find myself unable to.
The dog’s face pops right over my feet. Even with my eyes straining, I can see it isn't actually a dog. There is a mop of shoulder-length hair flopped on this...girls'? On her head. From which protrude a pair of floppy doggy ears. She has bright somewhat big shining brown eyes. And while she doesn't look like she has a muzzle, she has an almost blackened dog nose. A dog tongue lolls out of her mouth drooping to the side. Yet despite all these traits, there is something I can't put my finger on. Like I know her. Her smile definitely tells me that she knows me...
"Hear that, Mr. Lonely Hearts-Smashing-Club-guy?!" her voice is loud and brash. Yet the moment she speaks I know her voice. Kylie. That's Kylie's voice. That's the voice of my girlfrien-...ex-girlfriend’s daughter. "Baaaanishment. You're going to love it!" Her eyes go wide and she's yanked back her little hands grasp on the collar around her neck.
"Stay out of there." Hisses a quiet almost inaudible voice. The same voice I heard just before the world blacked out. Now with a bit of context, I recognize it. Dave. That was Dave's voice, if he was whispering, that is.
I blink. And then a cold shiver threatens to overtake me. I realize I do know the other voices. They're all people whom I have been in relationships with. My exes. I try talking again. This time a faint squeak comes out, but nothing more.
"Huh." Says the soft male voice. Douglas. That’s Doug..."He looks like he's trying to talk." A small camera eye dislodges itself from a ring in front of me and snakes its way towards my face.
I hear Doug's voice over the speaker. "An Experiment." He says. "You remember that right? That's what you called our relationship. I didn't forget that, Anthony. Well then. Now it is my turn to have an Experiment. I hope you like it."
"If the name-breaker can berate him than so can I, Your Highness!"
Sandy. Her name was Sandy...I don't remember her being called Wisp'o'Willow...
I hear angry stomping and then Sandy's face protrudes into the chamber at my feet. Her face is...all wrong though...Her features are exaggerated and her hair is longer, but her teeth...oh my what big sharp teeth she has..."All that time on-line! You! Teasing me! Flirting with me! Leading me On! And then we meet! It could have been Perfect! And what do you do?! You say that I look old!" She snaps at me. The small confines, combined with the ringing in my head make for the perfect combination of drilling pain. There is a fear response starting to overwhelm me. I want to scream in fright, I want to run and hide. But I can't.
"Wisp'o'Willow. Remove your head from there. He has all hurt us in ways that are different." She pauses. "And yet are the same."
A neutral voice speaks. "I don't know why you all need me then. I barely knew him. Our paths only crossed but once. And after a brief span, diverged." She speaks in a way that doesn't stand out. Perhaps that's why it stands out among all these different voices. My mind reaches for the name. Sara. The call center. The way she wanted me and then I turned her down. Told her that I was celibate. Shortly afterwards I was fired from the call center. It didn't deal with her, but still...
"Yet you bare the sting of his style of romance Wind-Runner. Your stories are marked with sorrow and sadness to this day. You need Closure in this matter." Tatiania replies, her voice transitions over to the speakers. "And closure we shall all have, Anthony." She say and I realize who she is. The one I had crossed half the country for. She had met me at a bus station wearing horns and dancing. She was the one I first really confessed undying love to.
"Rho-..." I managed to gasp out, only to be cut short.
I felt two cold steel needles at my throat.
“I...” The needles pick into my neck slightly.
"You. Dare?" She asked, her voice pained. There was a quiet pause. Something told me if I spoke any more that I wouldn't speak again...now or ever.
"You. Anthony. Paul. Troglia. Smith. have committed crimes against Noble and Commoner, against Seelie and Unseelie. You have broken your oaths of love three fold three. You have attacked our allies and we will stand for it no longer. Such actions would normally warrant death...However I, Tatiania High Queen of the Fae, House Gydian, Holder of the Circlet, Current Servant to Excalibur and one of your former lovers...Have chosen a path of Mercy. Upon this day, the day before the Samhain Celebration, We, The Counsel of Nine have tried you for crimes against the Heart. Your sentence is Banishment from this World."
I didn't know what to make of this. It sounded like something from a storybook. It sounded long winded and overly wordy. Yet serious as sin.
"So shall it be." She finished.
"So shall it be." Joined Doug.
"So Shall it be." Whispered Dave.
Another voice joined in. Then another, and another until finally came the last cheerful and all together too happy voice of Kylie.
"So Shall It Be."
And that's when my world falls apart.
Chapter Two
As the World Falls Down.
It's funny to think that one's world can fall apart with the mere utterance of a voice. A few choice words. A phrase. A look, a glance or a gesture. There are people who wouldn't think that it could happen that way. People who think like that have never been in love.
The four petty words of "We need to talk" can and do send grown men quaking and crying. "It's not you, it's me." Can bring whole lives crashing down. "You need to leave", "I just don't love you anymore", "We've grown apart." Horrible earth shattering phrases that we humans inflict upon each other. Yet, the world keeps turning, reality is still there when we stop crying and our eyes open.
Right now, that's not what is happening.
Moments ago, the High Queen of the Fae just handed me an eviction notice from the world. That didn't make any sense at all. None what-so-ever. My mind just didn't comprehend it. And then it was made crystal clear.
The door at my feet closed shut and the lights in the chamber started to strobe faster and faster. I feel a sound coming from my throat, a scream, but it’s almost snuffed out like a candle in a the wind. The chamber melted away around me. White light was replaced by black in a way that was not unlike melting wax...I still couldn't move. And suddenly there was a jarring and the feeling of acceleration. Around me there was what looked like the outer reaches of space. But it couldn't be. How was I breathing?
And yet there it was.
The stars were streaks of near ultra-violet light ahead of me, and crimson light behind me. I was going faster and faster, leaving a cluster of stars, and then the very galaxy. Before long, I could see rapidly growing arms of filament collecting behind me. This transitioned into a fog of sorts. Looking back ahead I was greeted by a fuzzy, hot and painful haze.
The pain grew, and grew and grew until I couldn't feel it anymore. My mind refused to process it. That's when I got logical.
"You're passing through the echo of the Big Bang." It said.
"That's not possible." I replied.
"And yet, Here you are. Look, we are approaching the Wall." It said.
"The Wall? What is the Wall?" I asked.
"I don't know. A barrier? A brane? The thing that separates universes? How would I know.? I'm You." It replied.
The wall seemed to become whiter and whiter and whiter as I zoomed towards it.
"We're not slowing down." I told my mind. There was no response.
"We're. Not. Slowing. Down." I shouted at my mind.
Still nothing.
"WE'RE NOT SLOWING DOWN!" Was the last thing I thought before plunging into the sea of pure white.
I expected pain. I expected suffering. I expected...something.
I got none of these.
Instead I was greeted by a Void. By a Nothing. Or at least that is what my mind would call it. The human mind isn't equipped to understand nothing. To us, there is always Something. Even the concept of Zero isn't a nothing, Zero is a place holder for something. A number, a concept, it is by definition Something.
Perhaps that's the problem with nothing. We've defined it. By defining it, we've made it into something. And in doing so we've destroyed the nothing. But even looking at this...this expanse of emptiness of...well nothing...I couldn't understand it. I felt my confines melting away... I could move again.
Moving my hand in front of me, I realized that I could see a negative image of myself. It was like everything was inverted almost...As I accelerated, the Void gave way to...something. At first it was a small pin of a light. It was joined by more, and more and more. They didn't appear to be at any judge-able distance, like if someone had draped a cloth over my face.
Then there was a burst of light right in my face and a voice.
"First...we take your clothes." It said.
My clothing ripped away from my body. Falling into the nothing. Falling into the void.
"Now your face." It said.
"Wha..." But before I could really respond I could feel a burning on my nose. And then my cheeks and then my whole face felt on fire. All I could see was light drifting off it and then...nothing. I couldn't see anything.
"Now your voice." It toned.
I tried to grasp at my throat as if I could hold onto what they were claiming they were taking. But even in my blind state, the hums from my throat died and silence was left behind.
"Now your Form." It chimed.
The burning returned and suddenly I couldn't feel...myself. I could feel me, but I couldn't feel anything that was me. It was like sensation was there, and yet it didn't have a defined extension to what was 'me'.
"And now...we take your Identity..." It sang.
A cold prickle ran through me. There were many ways one could have their identity stolen. Was this one of them? I couldn't even tell.
"You are now ready."
I could feel heat coming towards me. I didn't know precisely where it was, or what it was but it was getting closer, and closer and closer... Slowly as I approached this heat source, I could feel things again. I could hear things again. My eyes...reformed...I couldn’t see things yet but I could tell the boundaries of what was ‘me’ were again at least...
But everything felt wrong. My eyes actually opened and I saw a shimmering in front of me, the shimmering formed a pool of sorts, it rippled with all the colours of the rainbow, it had a soft glow to it. And I was fast approaching it.
A voice cried out, and I tried futilely to stop myself from crashing into it. I tried to grasp something below me but there wasn't anything to grasp. The last thing I remember was wondering if crashing into this pond thing would hurt any...
I found out really quickly that it did.
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What is it like to actually crash into a rainbow?
The rational part of my mind knows that rainbows aren't physical objects, they are projections of light bent through a transparent medium. I know that's a rather dull explanation. But when you have been ejected from reality as you know it, your mind tries to latch onto the first thing that seems reasonable. Rainbows shouldn't hurt. They're nothing but generally light and mist.
I think that the source of my pain is the fact that a splattering of colour is saturating everyone of my senses. My eyes, skin, nose, tongue and even ears are burning and screaming in nothing but pain. I am smelling purple, tasting indigo, feeling blue, hearing orange and of course seeing pure white. And before I can even process these things, it's done and over with.
The burning is replaced with a cooling feeling, the screaming of orange is replaced with the splashing of a...liquid? I cough and gag on something that is foul tasting. My vision clears and I see that I am being ejected out of some kind of vat and towards the floor.
"Well." I think to myself, judging the distance from floor to where I was spat out. "This could possibly hurt."
Fear grips me when it turns out that the floor isn't solid. There is a foop sound as I hit it and fear turns to panic as I fall right through the floor.
"Clouds?" But that doesn't make any sense. What is holding up the vat?
That question becomes very, very unimportant as I see what the floor gives way to. The world down below me, a world that is Very high up. In the night sky the moon looming big and bright, I can see the small houses from below. Some of their lights lit. For some reason this place triggers a memory of a place I know...But I can't put a finger on where I know this place.
My panic stricken mind no longer cares about those things as I grasp the realization of how high I am, how fast I am going and at what angle I am going.
"This could hurt a lot more." I squeak out.
Right before me there is a circular window that seems rather far in the distance. That changes within the span of time it takes to process how far it is.
The pain of glass, wood and sound splinter my vision. You're going to die. Right, final thought. Make it a good one.
"I like turtles."
Fuck.