Dating Of A Godly Variety

by RainbowBob


Chapter 9: The Gods Befallen

“Discord, how could you possibly think bringing those Chaos Gods were a good idea?” Celestia asked him, shaking his neck like he was a ragdoll. “How?

Discord’s head flew off his body, flying through the air before it landed in the punch bowl. His body ran with desperate haste to his side, returning his head back to his neck while he spit and sneezed out punch. “Well now, that wasn’t really necessary, was it, Celestia? Do try to be civil when you have guests around.”

Celestia’s mane flared up into a torrent of flames once again, but the steady hand of the Emperor on her shoulder halted her anger for but a moment. “Celestia, it’s no use trying to reason with this nitwit now. What we should really be worried about are the Chaos Gods arriving at any moment. And once they do, everyone here will be doomed.”

“What?” Celestia balked.

“Well, along with the entire planet. Although I would be surprised if they managed to find a way out of the Warp.” The Emperor shrugged. “Most likely they’ll consume all the souls on the planet and turn it into rubble without even having to step out of the Warp.”

“Oh, they can make a physical presence,” Discord chimed in from the fondue table.

“What?!” both Celestia and the God Emperor shouted at the same time.

“Equestria’s magic makes it so that the Warp’s presence is… what’s the word for it?” Discord snapped his fingers, several snack foods falling into the fountain of melted cheese, before he muttered, “Chaotic!” He laughed, consuming several of the cheesy food items with gusto.

“But how?” the Emperor asked. “For them to escape the Warp and take on physical bodies beyond their own realm should be impossible.”

“Think about what you have already witnessed while you’ve been in Equestria, Mister God Emperor, and tell me how much your definition of impossibly has changed?” Discord laughed, a single snap of his fingers turning the floor into pure gold.

The Emperor fell to his knees on the floor, staring at his golden reflection off of it. “No… no, it can’t be. With Equestria’s magics, they can actually leave the Warp?”

“Duh, how many times do I have to repeat myself? Sheesh, they’ll only be here for five minutes at least, no need to blow a gasket,” Discord said, brushing his foot along the floor and chuckling when gold coins exploded outward like kicked dirt. “They’ll only be here to prove my good name, and perhaps help themselves to some of the free food. Man, that Slaanesh guy… girl… thing, include the word free in anything and he’ll be all over it.”

“Discord, quiet! You have possibly doomed all of Equestria, and I really only have patience to deal with one impending disaster at the moment!” Celestia hissed to him. He shrugged, but went about his business of skating on the golden floors without a care in the world. Turning back to the God Emperor, Celestia noticed that he was back on his feet. “Geom, what are we going to do?”

The Emperor sighed, shaking his head slowly when he turned away from her. “We? There is no ‘we’ here, princess. There’s only me. The Ruinous Powers are my enemy, thus they are my problem to deal with.”

“But they’ll be in my country! I just can’t let them harm my little ponies!” Celestia argued, stomping her hoof down to further cement your point. “I don’t care if they are your enemy, if they enter my domain, they’re mine too!”

“Don’t you understand you’ll only get killed if you try to fight against them?” the Emperor asked her. He turned back around, a sorrowful frown tinged with worry on his face. “You have no chance standing up to them.”

“What do you care? From what I remembered, you just broke up with me five minutes ago!”

Discord ‘oohed’ in the background, shouting, “You go, girl! Tell him like it is!”

The Emperor glared at Discord, who quickly shut his mouth and grumbled. Looking back to Celestia, he said, “Listen, Celestia, what I said before was rash and unthoughtful, and I’m sorry. It’s just that… the Chaos Gods have been my enemy for so long now, anything associated with them I automatically assume is evil and wrong. Even you.” He held a hand up to his forehead and applied pressure on the bridge of his nose. “That was wrong of me, and I know that now. You’re better than that. Better than me, even. It is only now that I realize that trying to stop the Chao Gods since the birth of my existence, I have become the one thing I hated the most. Even my own people worshipped me like I was one of those monsters. And it’s because of them I can’t even return home.”

“Geom… I had no idea you felt this way,” Celestia said, tears on the verge of breaking out.

“Then it is my fault for not telling you everything from the get-go, Celestia. Just like how everything else is my fault.” The Emperor’s hand turned into a fist, psychic energies channeling forth until is his entire arm was covered in its mighty power. “Mankind’s downfall, my exile in the Warp while my body slowly rotted away, my people being turned into savant cultists living in constant fear of repercussions from the very people trying to protect them, and even the Chaos Gods coming to Equestria. All my fault. Every single last part of it.”

Celestia took a step forward, resting a hoof on the Emperor’s shaking fist, his psychic power not daring to harm her. “Geom, you cannot blame solely yourself. Not everything is your fault.”

“Then whose is it? Who can bare the burden of dozens of millennium's worth of guilt other than myself? Who could possibly be held responsible for Mankind other than it’s God?” he asked, spitting the last word out.

“Geom, you said it yourself, you’re not a god.” Celestia fluttered upward, then laid a single kiss upon his cheek. “And neither am I. We’ll defeat this threat together, no matter how great. We may not be perfect, but at least we can be imperfect with each other.”

Sniffling broke their attention and brought their focus to a teared up Discord off to the side, who was blowing his nose into a tissue while Luna napped against his side. “Beautiful, just beautiful!” he cheered, waking Luna up as he clapped his hands together. “Totally worth the real life experience instead of buying it on DVD!”

“Huh? What? What did I miss?” Luna asked, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. “Ugh, I’ve been on night shift too many times to deal with this type of stuff.”

Discord flicked at her tiara. “But aren’t you the Princess of the Night?”

Luna huffed. “Doesn’t mean insomnia and lack of sleep aren’t biting me in the ass right now.”

“Attention, everyone, we can discuss troublesome sleep cycles later,” the Emperor said. He drew his sword up high, a shower of fire covering his body like a blanket out flames. The inferno lasted but a moment, but as his blade returned to its normal fiery consistency, he was once more decked out in his golden armor, with his size once again a fearsome height. “For right now, we have Chaos Gods to deal with.”

“An excellent plan!” Discord proclaimed, snapping his fingers. He crossed his arms and showed off a satisfied grin. “There. All the ponies in the castle and Canterlot are in Ponyville right now. I know how rowdy those Chaos Gods can get.” Discord hummed under his breath and rubbed his chin, beard having returned with a vigor. “I wonder if I should order any pizza?”

“No time,” Celestia said. She turned to her sister and asked, “Luna, the Element Bearers are probably in Ponyville due to Discord’s magic. I need you to get them to the Tree of Harmony, and prepare for an attack against the Chaos Gods. But only if I say so. We still don’t know what we’re dealing with, but better to be safe than sorry.”

Luna yawned, then nodded her head weakly. “Ugh… sure. Geez, I really need a coffee.” And with that, Luna teleported away.

“So, Geom, you have any idea when these Chaos Gods will be here?” Celestia asked, her back still turned to him.

“Actually, they’ve just arrived,” the Emperor said.

Turning around, Celestia was met by the presence of a rather large hole in the fabric of realspace that led directly into the heart of the Realm of Chaos itself. From there, she spied three figures drawing close. Just from looking upon them, Celestia sensed the unbelievable power emanating from their forms. It was like the might of a thousand suns and then some were trapped in their bodies, just looking at them threatened to blind her.

“Get ready to fight,” the Emperor said, pointing the tip of his blade at the fearsome four that had been his most hated enemy for countless years.

Just then, Discord ran up to the four, a load of pizza boxes balanced on his hands. “Hey, guys, guys, I got the pizza! Hope you like anchovies and pineapple!”

“Celestia, remind me again how he’s your friend?” the Emperor asked her.

Celestia opened her mouth, then closed it, then opened it again. “Honestly, out of everything that’s happened thus far and will happen afterward, that fact still weirds me out more than anything else.”