//------------------------------// // Chapter 23 // Story: Princess Luna's Suicide Solutions // by kudzuhaiku //------------------------------// Noctilucent once again found himself in the infinitely long hallway full of doors. These dreams were growing tiresome. Finding his way out of here was bound to be difficult, and he remembered the trouble he had encountered the last time. “It doesn’t have to be so hard you know.” Noctilucent whirled to face the voice and encountered himself. “Hello Shadow,” Noctilucent greeted. “We had ourself a nice date. You did good. I’m proud of you. She Noctilucent and I were cheering you on the whole time,” Shadow Noctilucent returned. “Thanks, I guess,” Noctilucent said to himself. “Little Me wants things to work out with Quirky. She has what you need, or so he believes,” Shadow Noctilucent said. “Can you help me get out of here?” Noctilucent asked himself. “Nope,” Shadow Noctilucent replied. “I mean, I could, but that wouldn’t help you. I’d only be hurting myself. I can’t stand weakness, so now you need to get strong. You don’t even know the sort of strength you have in you.” Noctilucent wasn’t sure he wanted to know. The very idea scared him. With greater strength meant greater responsibility, and holding himself accountable. He stood there in the long hallway feeling a bit of resentment for his own Shadow. “I can help you pick the right door,” Shadow Noctilucent offered. “I suppose that is better than nothing,” Noctilucent replied. “Do you know what it means to be a pegasus? Do you know who or what your enemies are? You’ve lived a soft life. No wonder you are weak. It is only in adversity that we find strength. You’ve ran away from everything that has tested you. Like poor Merriweather. You should have stayed and taken a thrashing. Would have prepared you for the harder parts of your life. Instead, you ran. What good has that done? How have you grown? What makes you think you worth the air you breathe?” Shadow Noctilucent stated. “I don’t know,” Noctilucent replied dejectedly. “Wrong answer,” Shadow Noctilucent returned as he began to walk down the hall. Noctilucent hurried after himself, not quite sure he wanted to know what was going to be behind the door that his Shadow chose. “About Quirky,” Noctilucent inquired of himself. “What about her?” Shadow Noctilucent replied as he walked down the long hallway that stretched on forever. “Do you think we can be happy?” Noctilucent asked. “Hah! You are asking me that?” Shadow Noctilucent retorted, his words dripping sarcasm. “No.” “No?” he said to himself. “She is going to challenge you. She is going to test you. She is going to go for your throat and she will always be testing your boundaries. You will not always be happy, but she is what is good for you,” Shadow Noctilucent answered. “How do you know this?” Noctilucent questioned of himself. “Because I am you, and you already know. I am merely giving words to the thoughts you are too afraid to think and the words you are too afraid to say. I am beyond your denial. I see things as they are. When I see Quirky, I see a firm ready plot ready for a hard plowing, a valley that is fertile and ready for my seed, and my seed alone, and a hot and horny mare that is just begging to be sweet talked in her ear while I work out my frustrations on her back,” Shadow Noctilucent replied. “Oh damnit, I am such a pervert,” Noctilucent swore. “I can’t believe that you and I are the same pony.” “Tell me that after you slip her the ‘make a mare moan bone’ for the first time and ram home all that pent up foal batter,” Shadow Noctilucent teased. “She’s gonna beg you for it again and again.” “ARGH! Why do I even listen to you?” Noctilucent growled. “Why are you talking to yourself?” Shadow Noctilucent asked. “I don’t know!” Noctilucent snapped. The pair continued down the endless hallway, now in silence, Noctilucent feeling quite disgusted with himself. Truth be told, both parts of himself felt quite disgusted with one another. The silence and the mutual disgust lingered for quite some time as they traveled down the hall. Finally, Shadow Noctilucent stopped in front of the single yellow door that was visible among the endless red doors. He kicked it open, grabbed Noctilucent, shoved him through the door, and planted a hard kick into Noctilucent’s backside. “Pony up and slip it to Quirky, I’m sick of not sharing my valuable seed!” Noctilucent landed near the orphanage, Shadow Noctilucent’s words echoing in his ears. Something felt wrong, but he wasn’t sure what. He heard cries, so he turned his head to look around him. What he saw almost made him drop a load of horseapples. Holly and Quirky were crying out, trying to get the foals inside. The foals were getting inside as fast as they could, and for good reason. Off in the distance, there was a monstrous tornado, a twister that had to be a half a mile wide. Noctilucent felt a low rumbling growl in his barrel. Bad weather was one of a pegasus’ worst enemies, a sworn and hated enemy they had battled with since the dawn of memory. Holly’s cries became screams of panic. Cactus Blossom was running toward the monstrous vortex of swirling death, not away from it. With a supersonic crack, Noctilucent unfurled his wings, and with a bellow of rage, he took to the air. Foam flecked around his lips, the sight of his ancestral foe whipping him into a frenzy. His lip curled back into a snarl. All traces of this being dream were gone from Noctilucent’s mind. “Cactus Blossom! Come back here right this instant!” Noctilucent screamed. “I don’t want to be your friend anymore! I’ll only get hurt!” Cactus Blossom shouted, running blindly ahead. Noctilucent flew ahead as fast as he could, but no matter how fast he flew, it wasn’t fast enough. Cactus Blossom was always just out of his reach. The wind was picking up now, whipping his mane into his eyes, dust and debris making his eyes sting. He would not be deterred. If Cactus Blossom was going into the storm, he was going with her. The foal continued to run ahead towards oblivion. Reaching deep into himself, Noctilucent gave everything he had. Finally, he was able to take Cactus Blossom into his grasp. He nearly cried with relief, clutching her close to his barrel. “You came for me anyway!” Cactus cried. Noctilucent banked, trying to get away from the deadly tornado now bearing down upon him. It was too big and too fast. Too late, Noctilucent realised there would be no saving Cactus Blossom, nor himself. He could not save her, only share in her fate. He kissed her on top of her head and held her close, his wings still pumping away madly, still hoping to outrun his hated enemy. Holly and Quirky were gone, now inside the adobe building, safe from harm. Feeling the tornado starting to pull him in, Noctilucent let out an enraged cry. He struggled, refusing to give in, refusing to believe that his end was near. Not while he was holding Cactus Blossom. Using every ounce of will, he tried to break free from the vortex. He failed. In no time at all, he was sucked in completely and began to spin around and around, whipped through the air, the sand tearing at his skin. He wrapped his legs around Cactus Blossom, and his wings, forming a protective ball around her, still trying to keep her safe even now under impossible circumstances. The storm had no mercy. Debris slammed into the pegasus as he used his body as a shield. Bits of wood, glass, rocks, the air was filled with an endless supply of missiles for the tornado to assault him with. Something heavy slammed into his head and he let out a cry, but he did not relax his hold. He gritted his teeth and held on tighter, hearing Cactus Blossom cry from within his protective grasp. “I have you!” Noctilucent screamed. “Just hold on and we will ride this out together!” More objects pelted him. A flying shard of glass sliced his back wide open, just between his wings. The pain was excruciating. Still, he refused to let go. What felt like a brick struck his wing, shattering the bones. It started to go limp, and Noctilucent struggled to wrap his body around Cactus Blossom, still wanting to keep her safe. There was a terrible stabbing pain in his side and Noctilucent gagged in pain. A tree branch had impaled him just below his ribs. No matter how much it hurt, his mind told him it was better for him to suffer than Cactus Blossom. Noctilucent continued to swirl within the vortex, and the storm showed no mercy. The fierce wind tore at his skin, ripped out his feathers, stung his eyes which he struggled to keep closed, and threatened to tear his ears off. Something pierced his neck and he began to have trouble breathing. “YOU CAN’T HAVE HER!” he cried, his voice a ragged blood spitting scream. The storm did not reply. Instead, the wind shifted and Noctilucent shot downward, plunging towards the earth at speeds impossible to survive, caught in the downdraft in the center of the swirling mass of chaos. Just before hitting the ground, he had time for one final kiss. Noctilucent blinked at his other three selves. “That was scary!” Little Me shouted. “I didn’t like that at all. I don’t want to do that again!” “Cactus Blossom was you?” Noctilucent asked shakily. “Yes it was,” She Noctilucent answered, trying to comfort Little Me. Noctilucent looked around. He was standing in the hospital waiting room. The place looked much better. The lights were pleasant to the eyes. The damage was gone. The walls had fresh paint. “Now do you understand what you are?” Shadow Noctilucent asked. “YOU BASTARD! YOU DIRTY MOTHERPLUCKER! YOU SHOVED ME THROUGH THAT YELLOW DOOR AND I COULDN’T TELL THAT IT WAS A DREAM! I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO LOSE CACTUS BLOSSOM YOU SON OF A BITCH!” “Language!” She Noctilucent scolded. “Little Me has delicate ears!” “Thrilling wasn’t it? Feeling what you were on the inside? The defiance! The anger. The RAGE! Your hate gave you strength. You could have let go at any time and the dream would have ended. You would have watched Cactus Blossom die, but you would be spared further pain. You chose to stay in that dream,” Shadow Noctilucent said. “I want to kick you right now,” Noctilucent snarled to himself. “So do it. I won’t stop you. You’d only be hurting yourself,” Shadow Noctilucent snarked. “That is what it means to be a father,” She Noctilucent said. “To ride out the storm and take all the damage you can so your own foals survive unscathed.” “Something our dad didn’t do,” Little Me said. “Be reasonable Noctilucent. Didn’t you learn something?” She Noctilucent asked in a gentle loving voice that radiated a warm and nurturing vibe. “I’ve learned that Shadow Noctilucent is a psychopath,” Noctilucent replied. “No he isn’t, he is you. And you are not a psychopath. You are troubled, you are hurt, and you are many things, none of which are a psychopath,” She Noctilucent corrected. “I know he’s a pervert,” Noctilucent argued. “Well, deep inside, you are a pervert,” She Noctilucent pointed out. Noctilucent shook his head in defiance at himself. “Look, being a bit of a pervert isn’t so bad. Your sexuality is healthy. It is okay to want to -ahem- somepony,” She Noctilucent said as she covered Little Me’s ears with her wings. “And it is perfectly alright to want to -ahem- with Quirky until she can’t walk straight. Just remember that she is a deeply emotional creature that needs more than physical love. After all the hot sweaty screamy grippy grabby thrusting grinding grunting wet and sloppy -ahem- is over… please just remember to cuddle her and say sweet loving things, and try to make up for destroying the delicate budding beauty of her marehood with your savage need to -ahem-. If you can do these things it makes being a pervert okay.” “Yeah. When you start out, it looks like a beautiful budding rose. When you get done, it looks like a wilted rose dipped in mayonnaise,” Shadow Noctilucent explained. “Ugh! You brute! You horrible brute!” She Noctilucent shouted at Shadow Noctilucent. “I can’t believe I let you have your way with me!” “I am scarred for life,” Little Me interjected. “Feathers do nothing to keep words out of my ears.” “Oh Little Me, I am so sorry!” She Noctilucent cried, hugging the foal and scowling at Shadow Noctilucent. “Now look here Noctilucent. You had a really good date with Quirky. You both had a lot of fun even if there was no foal making going on. Which you really should get around to doing sooner rather than later. You had a good dream that showed you just what you can do when you are properly motivated. Any moment now, you are going to wake up. Just make it through the day. And don’t worry about the next day. Don’t get overwhelmed. We have things secured in here, and stuff is still being fixed. The basement is a mess, but things are being fixed. Now you BE A PEGASUS and look after your foals,” Shadow Noctilucent said. “Yes, you have two precious little foals now that depend upon you to live. Nurture them. Love them. Spoil them with affection,” She Noctilucent instructed. “Spend some time playing with them you dirty motherplucker!” Little Me shouted. “Little Me! How could you!” She Noctilucent wailed. “Buh bye!” Shadow Noctilucent said in farewell as Noctilucent faded away.