//------------------------------// // Chapter Five. // Story: Meeting 'Father' // by Golden Paw //------------------------------// Chapter Five. “Now, now Screwball, put down the broom and step away from Tip-bit,” Dustpan motioned with his fore hooves in calming manner as Tip-bit gagged in fear. The stallion was turning pale as the tool pressed down on his throat and Dustpan could have sworn he saw Tip’s eyes bulging. “But he’s a mean pony Dusty, he fired you and I don’t like the look of him,” Screwball lent on the broom and Tip-bit wheezed desperately. The trapped stallion pulled at the broom head vainly, but Screwball’s grip was like iron. “Plus he smells of pickles,” Screwball announced darkly. Dustpan grinned with mounting anxiety as the ponies all around him stared in shocked silence. In the few moments after Screwball had discovered who Tip-bit was, she had become a blur of motion. No pony had any idea where the broom had come from, one second the humble house hold utensil was absent and the next it was pinning Tip-bit to the floor of the bowling alley. The small crowd looked from Screwball to Dustpan and back to the struggling pony on the ground. Tip’s eyes were rolling madly and Dustpan didn’t want to find out just how far Screwball would take this latest madness. “Screwy: Please let the pony up, he’s turning blue,” Dustpan tried cautiously and instantly knew it was the wrong thing to say. Screwball now studied Tip with a fascinated look that Dustpan knew seldom boded well, “Is he? I would say it’s more of a ‘purplish grey’.” Tip-bit's eyes were rolling back in his head and Dustpan gritted his teeth as the ponies all around began to mutter. “Screwy we will be in big trouble if you don’t stop this now. We can talk about interesting colours when you have stopped choking him,” Dustpan whispered through gritted teeth as he placed his hooves on Screwball’s shoulders and attempted to pull her away from the expiring Tip-bit. “But...” She replied before Dustpan looked Screwball straight in the eye and shook his head in a meaningful manner. With a resigned sigh Screwball finally removed the broom from Tip-bit who released a relived gasp which was mirrored by the gathered crowd. She spun the broom around her hoof before it vanished to wherever it came from and Screwball pouted at Dustpan. “But Dusty, he really is a mean pony. Daddy says that mean ponies need to be taught a lesson, so they won’t be mean any more,” Screwball regarded Dustpan with a confused glance even as Tip-bit gasped and spluttered on the ground. By this point the whole bowling alley had turned to watch the unfolding drama and Dustpan felt their attention keenly. Closing his eyes and speaking very slowly Dustpan sat down and attempted to explain things, “Okay Screwy, there are rules here. You can’t just go attacking ponies with brooms just because you don’t like them.” Screwball smiled, “Or because they smell of pickles,” she added helpfully. Dustpan nodded, still keeping his eyes closed, “Or any other vegetable or fruit for that matter,” The sounds of Tip-bit slowly reviving drew Dustpan’s attention to the stallion and when Dustpan finally opened his eyes it was to find Tip glaring at him. “I’ll....have her charged....with assault, that pony is a mad mare!” Tip managed to say between the coughs and splutters. Screwball beamed happily, “Oh you really thi....” She began but Dustpan darted forward and quickly placed a hoof over her mouth. “No, no, no Tip-bit; there’s no need for that. Screwball here is just very enthusiastic that’s all. I’m sure she didn’t mean to cause you any harm,” Dustpan said quickly as Screwball squirmed in his grasp. He glanced meaningfully at her before turning back to Tip-bit with a forced smile. The recovering pony got slowly to his hooves and drew in a deep breath before responding, “She’s a menace Dustpan, it’s no surprise she hangs around with the likes of you.” Tip-bit rubbed his throat before grinning nastily at the pair, “Well we can just add that to the settlement you owe me.” Dustpan snorted in anger, “Now wait just a minute Tip that’s not fair, she doesn’t know any better,” He glared at Tip-bit only for the other stallion’s grin to widen again. “That’s not my problem Dustpan and you should choose your friends more carefully if you’re worried about the potential fallout,” Tip chuckled before tucking the scroll behind Dustpan’s ear, and scrunched up his nose with distain. “I can see you have your hooves full already,” he indicated Screwball who was doing all she could to get her hooves around Tip-bit's neck with only Dustpan’s restraining preventing it. Dustpan snorted again, watching as the crowd parted and Tip swaggered his way past, waving a mocking hoof in farewell. With forced calm, Dustpan lowered his hoof while Screwball worked her jaw back and forth. She rubbed her muzzle tenderly from where his hoof had been pressed before grumbling, “Should have let me use the broom, he wouldn’t have been any more trouble.” Screwball watched the departing Tip-bit with daggers in her eyes as Dustpan rolled his own in turn, “Screwy, you really can’t go around attacking ponies with a broom; you will get into trouble,” He studied Screwball cautiously as her little propeller resumed its normal speed and felt relieved that she seemed to be calming down. The watching crowd began to disperse, the 'entertainment' concluded and Dustpan ushered Screwball over to the nearby seats. What would she have done to Tip-bit if Dustpan hadn’t stepped in? He stared at her for a long moment while she glared at the floor and continued to mumble darkly. Dustpan removed the scroll from behind his ear before placing it down on the seat next to him, then forced a cheery note into his voice, “Well we have paid for this game and I’m not going to let a pony like Tip ruin that for me.” He leaned past, the still pouting Screwball and grabbed another ball off the rack before moving up to the lane. Dustpan looked hopefully back at her, but she was still muttering and paid him no attention. Shaking his head sadly, Dustpan pushed all thoughts of Tip-bit from his mind and threw the ball savagely. As the ball rolled its way into the gutter, Screwball resolutely moved her hoof over to the contract sitting on the cushioned chair and slowly unrolled it. So intent was Dustpan on his game that he failed to notice the wolfish grin that settled on Screwballs muzzle. “I’ve got my eye on you Mr Dustpan, don’t think I have forgotten your wanton behaviour,” Star Glancer stated grimly as she opened the front door to the boarding house. The sun was already sinking below the rooftops in Canterlot by the time Dustpan and Screwball trotted their steady way back to his lodgings. Gloom hung heavily on the pair as Star Glancer stepped back to allow them entry. “And don’t think you’re getting off the hook either Miss; it takes two to cause that kind of trouble, you shouldn’t encourage him,” Star Glancer added with a rueful tone. Dustpan waved a dismissive fore hoof at Star and she felt her irritation rise, “I would have a word with you Dusty,” Star paused as he looked at her with tired eyes. Certain she’d gotten Dustpan's attention, Star tilted her head at Screwball who had yet to cross the threshold, “Alone Miss.” Screwball snorted tetchily before sitting down on the door step, her back to dustpan and the elderly mare. Star Glancer pushed the door shut as Dustpan stared morosely at the floor, he looked so despondent. Smiling sadly Star spoke softly as she lay a comforting hoof on Dustpan's shoulder, “Oh Dusty what have you gotten yourself involved in?” Dustpan gave a deep sigh, “Look Star, it’s all very complicated and I doubt you would understand.” Star chuckled slyly, “Try me.” She watched as Dustpan opened and closed his mouth a few times but no sounds came out. Star waited a moment longer before deciding to spare Dustpan any further suffering, “Could it be something to do with a magical creature of chaos by any chance?” Dustpan’s head snapped up and his eyes went wide, “How did you....?” Star Glancer smiled genuinely, “My dear Dusty, I would be a terrible landmare if I didn’t know what was going on under my own roof now wouldn’t I? It’s a landmare’s job to keep a close eye on her lodgers.” Dustpan looked hurt and Star felt like the poor colt deserved at least some reassuring, “Oh alright, it’s more than just me being nosey: I overhearing your little chat with Discord okay,” Star dropped her voice before going on, “Between you and me I have some very good magical wards on this place, so I knew instantly when He popped in. That’s how I knew you were in trouble.” The look of hurt morphed into confusion before Dustpan opened his mouth again, “Why would you need such protection Star, this is just a normal boarding house?” Star Glancer froze guiltily, “It is just a normal boarding house right?” Dustpan pressed. Star coughed realising she’d said a little too much and cursed inwardly: I’m getting soft in my old age. She smiled before brushing his question off, “Oh a poor old mare like me can’t be too careful, strange creatures about you know. Anyway I was worried about you and thought you could do with some good advice.” Dustpan didn’t look convinced, “You know Discord?” Star shuffled her hooves, “Me? Well I’ve....er heard of him of course, who hasn’t these days?” Dustpan cocked a disbelieving eyebrow, “Oh no Star, you said He with a capital ‘H’, you know a lot more about things than you’re letting on don’t you?” Drat rumbled, you really have lost your edge Star Glancer. Looking cautiously to the front door and ensuring it was tightly closed Star made a decision, “Okay colt, you caught me,” She moved forward and locked the door, “Hey Seed and Phoenix Feathers I really am too old for this game.” Star motioned for Dustpan to follow her and without even waiting she trotted slowly to her drawing room. Upon reaching the door Star worked her magic and unlocked the door to the own rooms. Double checking that Screwball definitively hadn't followed them, Star trotted through into her home and beckoned for Dustpan to enter. She had never let anypony (or any other....things for that matter) in here; her husband having long since gone the way of the world and no children of her own: Therefore Star felt a little, well, let down as Dustpan came in, such an unprecedented event should have more fanfare about it in her opinion. She quickly offered Dustpan the single chair in the study before busying herself in the kitchen, “Would you care for some coco Dusty?” When no reply came Star poked her head around the corner and saw that he was simply staring around the room in mute interest. He glanced at the furnishings: A rough writing desk that Star refused to replace even though it was older than her, along with the single well-used swivel chair Dustpan was currently seated on. She smiled indulgently as he studied the aged paintings on the walls; portraits of various official looking-ponies who Star had been privileged to meet during her career. There were writing implements scattered across every flat surface and Star was a little embarrassed that things were in such a clutter. It felt strange to have another pony here after so long, but Star was glad it was Dustpan. If she was being honest with herself, he felt like the grandson she’d never have. Maybe that’s why I’m so soft on him, you certainly wouldn’t be telling any pony else what you’re about to. She made her way back to the study with two mugs of steaming hot chocolate floating before her, “Now take this and listen Dusty: I used to work for the Princesses, well more specifically Princess Luna.” Dustpan sipped at his drink and shrugged, “There’s nothing odd about that, lots of ponies do.” Star scrunched up her muzzle, maybe this was a bad idea? No Dustpan was in trouble and Star couldn’t just sit there. “Well my work was a little less offical Dusty, I did some dangerous things for our Royal Highness and made some not very nice groups very unhappy,” Star studied Dustpan for his reaction, but so far the young pony was calm. Star took a quick draft of her own drink before continuing, “As such when I retired the Princesses saw fit to 'look after' me and make sure my work didn’t catch up with me again.” Dustpan peered at Star Glancer for a drawn out moment, “That explains the magical wards I guess.” He tipped his mug and took another long draft, “Okay so you were some sort of what, spy?” Star chuckled, “Oh nothing so impressive, more of an 'informant'.” She motioned to the writing things all around the room, “I would keep an eye out for strange happenings and if I saw or heard anything of interest I would write to the Princess and let her know.” Dustpan smirked, “Well there can’t be all that much that goes on in the day to day running of Canterlot that would interest the Princesses.” He smiled at Star, only to see she was dead serious. “You’d be surprised at how much you don’t see colt,” Star said in a knowing way. Shaking his head, Dustpan laughed in a doubtful manner, “Come on Star, you seriously think that I would believe there are big secret happenings hidden from the rest of us?” Star Glancer gave Dustpan a long stare, Oh to be so young and naive again. She finished her coco before trying again, “Anyway Dusty; believe me or not, but you’re in deep manure with this Screwball filly.” The stallion’s smile faded somewhat, “I’m just showing her around Canterlot that's all, I swear Star.” Dustpan swilled his coco around his mug as he stared around the room uncomfortably, “What’s the harm in showing a mare a good time?” Star snorted, "How long have you got Dusty: She’s a few pupils short of a class, Discord is effectively her adoptive father, need I go on?” Star placed her now empty mug on the desk, “You saw how protective Discord is of Screwball, I wouldn’t want to be in your horse shoes right now Dusty.” Dustpan swallowed the remnants of his own drink and vainly sought a place to put down his mug. Star Glancer grinned before taking the cup in her magic, “Look Dusty, I’m just worried about you: With Discord involved anything could happen, maybe you should put some distance between you and Screwball?” The other pony laughed without any humour, “Oh Star I don’t think I could now, not unless I wanted to spend the rest of eternity as a squeaky toy.” Dustpan’s face brightened, “Plus Screwball’s not all that bad, she’s quite fun once you get to know her.” Star shook her head sadly, “Look Dusty, I’ll spell it out for you: Put one hoof wrong and Discord will be down on you like a mountain. I’ve had to keep my eye on him a few times, and trust me you really don’t want to get on his bad side.” Dustpan’s face hardened, “Well I will just have to make sure I don't.” He made to stand up, but Star Glancer wasn’t finished. “Please Dusty; let me write to Luna, I’m sure we can find a way to stop this before it gets even more out of hoof,” Star had an edge of pleading in her tone now. Dustpan's face was uncertain for a moment and Star Glancer dared hope she’d talked some sense into him. This evaporated when a determined expression formed on Dustpan’s muzzle, “Thank you Star for your concern, but did you ever stop to think what Screwball might think of all this? I like her Star; she’s funny and kind once you get to know her.” He stood up and headed for the door, “I’m not going to hold who her ‘father’ is against her.” “Well don’t say I didn’t warn you Dusty, mark my words Screwball is dangerous, not to mention Discord,” She told him in a last ditch attempt to persuade Dustpan, but he was having none of it. Dustpan stopped at the door and without even turning around called out, “It’s not fair for you to judge Screwy, you don’t know her and I’m willing to give the filly a chance.” With that said Dustpan pulled open the door, stepped out into the corridor and without another word left a worried Star Glancer shaking her head sadly. Dustpan returned to the front entrance of the boarding house expecting to find Screwball still waiting on the step outside, but as he pulled open the door all that greeted him was an empty street. Sighing, Dustpan felt the day’s events unfolding in his memory and especially Star Glancer’s warning. He had a hard time accepting that she was some kind of ‘secret agent’ for Princess Luna, but he’d never known Star to lie about anything before. Turning all this over in his mind Dustpan closed and locked the main door before retracing his steps back to his own room. The corridor was silent and bathed in gentle light from the moon, which filtered down from the skylights above. It was peaceful, quiet and just what Dustpan needed after another hectic day with Screwy. He smiled as the memory of her smiling face floated to the surface and Dustpan felt his heart soar. Screwball, dear, sweet and eager Screwball: Despite the mayhem of the last few days, Dustpan found he’d not had so much fun for years and was actually looking forward to spending more time with her. He really couldn’t see Screwball as the dangerous villain that Star Glancer was painting her to be, Screwy was just miss understood. Dustpan comforted himself with these thoughts as he unlocked his own door and stepped into the darkness of his apartment. Sure Screwball was odd, but who was to say what normal meant huh? Dustpan felt the frustration mounting as he moved about in the familiar dark of his home. She’s just doing the best with what life has given her surely? Dustpan stomped back and forth as he mulled the situation over in his mind. “Dusty, I think it’s time we sorted your little contract problem don’t you?” Dustpan froze as a sinister voice called out from the darkness and a he thought he caught sound of a roll of thunder in the distance. Dustpan turned around slowly to see a pair of swirling vortexes regarding him from across the shadows of his apartment, “Er Screwball is that you?” The darkness was silent for a moment and Dustpan thought the purple swirls flashed brightly before the female voice, heavy with intrigue and purpose, came again, “Of course it’s me Dusty, who else would it be?” Another tremble of thunder was heard off in the distance and Dustpan swallowed nervously, “Good; um my contract problem, do you mean the one with Tip-bit?” Dustpan saw the glowing eyes coming closer and felt a shiver pass over him, “That’s right Dusty, we need to show that stallion he can’t mess with the likes of us.” Dustpan found himself backing away from the approaching patch of darker shadow, “Well um what did you have in mind Screwball?” Dustpan felt the breath of the other pony against his cheek as a pair of hooves pressed him against the wall, “Well I have a plan that will make sure he will never be a problem again.” This statement was followed by an evil chuckle and a flash of lightning which briefly lit up the room. The look on Screwball’s momentarily illuminated face shocked Dustpan to the core; all sharp angles and a grin that was just too wide. He shook with terror as he caught glimpses of a hoof being raised up towards his muzzle and forced his eyes shut as Screwball pressed in closer. “Screwy you don’t have to you know, I can find the money somehow and Tip-bit isn’t all that bad.....” He felt the gentle touch of Screwball’s hoof as it brushed his cheek and began to tremble as the two swirls of her eyes filled his world. Screwball’s muzzle was so close he could feel her hairs tickling his nose, she was holding something angular in her hoof and Dustpan thought he caught the glint of metal. To his mounting horror Screwball brought the object up and pressed it against his chin as her other hoof brushed past his ear. Another roll of thunder sounded out which was quickly followed by a flash which revealed Screwball’s little propeller hat and spinning eyes. In that moment Dustpan fervently wished he had listened to Star Glancer’s warnings. Oh sweet Celestia Tip-bit is as good as dead and I can’t be far behind. He felt the metal object digging into his throat as Screwball’s slow and sing song voice whispered in his ear, “This little tool will solve all our problems Dusty, let me give you a closer look.” Dustpan felt her press forward and could hold in his terror no longer: He screwed his eyes shut and screamed like a little foal as he felt the sharp metal sliding across his neck and heard a mysterious ‘click’. The room was filled with a sudden brightness and Dustpan waited in horror for the pain to begin. After a few moments when lancing pain failed to appear, Dustpan dared to slowly open one eye: Screwball was standing calmly in front of him and smiling with an easy going expression. Dustpan squinted as his eyes grew accustomed to the light from his over head lamp. He gingerly felt his throat with a hoof and confirmed that it was unhurt before Screwball leaned in close and grinned at him, “Oh Dusty, you’re so silly: Screaming time is only on Thursdays, now stop being a big filly’s blouse and look at this.” Dustpan focused on the object Screwball was holding in her hoof and felt himself relax. It was a book, with a metal reinforced cover and a pair of weighing scales on the front. With a trembling hoof he reached out and took the tome from Screwball before reading the title: The Laws and Judgments of Equestria. He glanced back to Screwball who was fidgeting excitedly and felt his own muzzle scrunch up in confusion, “Where did you get this Screwy?” Screwball smiled happily and bounced up and down like a rubber ball, “Oh my father is good friends with Twilight Sparkle; if you want a book on anything then she’s your pony.” All trace of the dark and malevolent mare had vanished to be replaced by the cheery random Screwball once again. “Tip-bit is relying heavily on a predetermined clause in you contract that he is interpreting to his own perceived advantage,” Screwball’s manner had switched and from nowhere she was wearing a smart jacket, a pair of official looking glasses along with a conservative blue tie. Dustpan hadn’t taken his eyes off her, one moment she was ‘normal’ and the next she was all dressed up. Despite the fact the world was slipping away from him again Dustpan couldn’t help but ask, “How do you do that Screwy?” Screwball tilted her head down and peered at Dustpan over the new glasses, “I told you Mr Dustpan, it’s a trade secret that I am not prepared to share with you at this time. Now as my client I would like to draw your attention to these marked passages on the contract you signed.” Dustpan exchanged the scroll for The Laws and Judgements of Equestria, which he passed back to Screwball. He then scanned the contract and saw that further sections of the document were now highlighted, other than those sections pointed out by Tip-bit. “You really think this will work Screwball?” Dustpan asked hopefully, before the mare grinned wickedly. Screwball hefted the book before replying excitedly, “I have no idea, but I’m sure it will be fun finding out!”