//------------------------------// // Guest Chapter: Aliens In Canterlot (Rytex) // Story: Celestia Uses An Online Dating Website // by RainbowBob //------------------------------// “Thank-you for agreeing to meet me,” Celestia said, sipping at a cup of tea she had conjured with the merest flick of her magic.  The small, sci-fi cafe they had agreed to meet at was almost completely devoid of ponies.  Only the princess, her date, and the employees were there. “Oh, it’s no problem at all, really,” the pony opposite her said in a thick, Trottingham accent.  It was funny, she had been expecting something grand and different, much like her last encounters.  Little did she expect to find a mere earth pony with a tan coat and brown mane waiting for her.  And while she had come dressed in her royal attire, he had seen fit to be wearing a brown coat with a blue jacket and red necktie.  When she had glanced at his cutie mark, she saw a little hourglass.  “One of the perks of being a time traveler is you’re never late to anything.” “A time traveler?”  Celestia’s curiosity was piqued.  “How is that possible?  Star Swirl created spells for time jumps are only up to three years in the past or future.” “Well,” he said, putting quite a bit of emphasis on that one word, “I have a time machine called the TARDIS.  Stands for Time And Relative Dimension In Space.  Basically, I can go anywhere and any when I want.  Course, she doesn’t always want to take me places.” “‘She?’” Celestia’s curiosity had evolved into full-on burning interest.  “Your… TARDIS, right?  It’s sentient?” “Yep,” the earth pony said, punctuating the on word with a pop.  “My TARDIS is quite sentient.  Doesn’t always take me where or when I want to go, but will always take me where or when I need to go.” “So you’re saying,” Celestia said with a slight smile, “that you’re needed here right now?” “Well,” he did that strange little extra emphasis again, “maybe.  Can never be sure.  Something important could be happening, or maybe I’m just here to go on a date with a lovely princess.”  He stuck a hoof into his coat and pulled out a cellophane bag with gummy candies inside.  “Would you like a jelly baby?” “Yes, please,” Celestia answered, levitating one into her mouth as the pony popped one into his mouth as well.  “You know, I never got your name.” “Oh, I’m the Doctor,” he answered, giving a polite bow. “Doctor who?” Celestia asked, confused.  Ponies had strange names sometimes that denoted their personality, but a pony who was just named Doctor? “No, just the Doctor,” the pony replied with a slight chuckle.  “Never gets old, having people say that.” “So, Doctor, how many years have you been around?” she asked. “Over one thousand eight hundred,” the Doctor answered quite casually.  “At least, from a linear standpoint.  It gets hard to count, all the jumping around that I do.” “I don’t understand.” “Well,” Again with the emphasis! “most ponies think that time is just a strict progression of cause to effect,” the Doctor explained, pulling out a pen from his coat and drawing a straight line on a blank white paper napkin. “But from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint,” he doodled a large, messy group of circles, “it’s more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey… stuff.” He punctuated the issue by haphazardly scratching everything out.  The result looked much like a five-year-old foal’s random doodles. “Still don’t understand,” Celestia said, with a shake of her head. “It gets easier the more you time travel,” the Doctor said.  “Blimey, where’s the waiter?  He should have been here some minutes ago.” The restaurant they had chosen to meet at was a strange new place that had opened up a few months ago.  By no means was it fancy, but it wasn’t fast-food either.  It was basically your run-of-the-mill sit-down cafe.  Celestia looked around at the different decorations in the restaurant, noting that they all seemed to have something to do with space travel. “WOULD YOU LIKE MORE TEA?” The robotic monotone voice made Celestia nearly jump out of her skin.  She whirled around to see a strange, golden waste-basket-shaped metal thing holding a teapot next to her nearly empty cup.  It had two lights on top of a dome-shaped helmet of sorts that flashed when it spoke, and it had a single eye-stalk that held up a mechanical blue eyepiece. “Oh for goodness' sake,” the Doctor said in complete disbelief as it surveyed the metal creature.  “If you think I’m falling for this trick again, you’ve got another thing coming.  Just go back up to your flying saucer and leave this place alone.” “I AM AFRAID I DO NOT UNDERSTAND,” the metal thing said in complete monotone, whirling its eye-stalk to look at the Doctor.  “SCAN INDICATES DI-CARDIAC VASCULAR SYSTEM.  BIOLOGY BEARS RESEMBLANCE TO THE RACE OF BEINGS KNOWN AS THE TIME LORDS.” “Yeah, that’s right,” the Doctor said, getting up and advancing on the metal thing, which glided backwards slightly, as if out of fear.  “I’m a Time Lord.  I’m the Time Lord.  I am the Oncoming Storm, and I am protecting this planet!  So if you want to invade, Dalek, you’re going to have to go through me!” “THE ONCOMING STORM?” the creature repeated in monotone.  “YOU MUST BE THE BEING KNOWN AS THE DOC-TOR.  IT IS NICE TO MEET YOU AGAIN.” “Yeah, I’m the—wait a minute, what?” The Doctor seemed at a complete loss for words as Princess Celestia offered the 'Dalek' her cup, into which it poured a generous measure surprisingly easily for a machine. “YOU MAY KNOW ME AS THE DALEK THAT YOU MET IN THE HUMAN HENRY VAN STATTEN’S UNDERGROUND BASE OF OPERATIONS.” “Wha… no.  No, no, no, no, no, no, no,” the Doctor said, shaking his head quite rapidly and backing away from the Dalek.  Celestia noticed his ears were splayed back and his pupils had shrunk.  This Dalek must have either terrified him or completely rocked his world to the core.  Apparently, both of them.  “You self-destructed.  You triggered the Dalekanium’s self-destruct mechanism.  I was there.  I saw it happen.  You told Rose Tyler to command you to kill yourself.” “THE DALEKANIUM SELF-DESTRUCT MECHANISM MALFUNCTIONED AND ENGAGED A TEMPORAL WARP.  I WAS SENT DECADES INTO THE FUTURE AND I APPEARED IN THE LOCATION DESIGNATED MANEHATTAN.” The Doctor just stared.  Celestia was content to sit there, watching the scene play out.  Immortals always have some kind of baggage with them.  Comes with the eternal life package.  Guess the Doctor’s not fond of these Daleks. “So…” the Doctor said, swallowing nervously, “you didn’t…” “I KILLED NO FURTHER.  THE HUMAN PART OF ME HAD BEGUN TO OVERRIDE MY DALEK INSTINCT.  I WAS CURIOUS TO SEE HOW THESE EQUINE BEINGS LIVED.” Celestia, who had been in the middle of a sip, had almost sputtered it out.  Killed?  This being had killed before? And quite frankly, how had it appeared in Equestria right under her nose without her knowing?  Surely an alien presence would have been reported to her instantly by the guards. “Umm, I don’t know if you have a name,” she said weakly, somewhat overwhelmed by this information. “DALEKS HAVE DESIGNATIONS, BUT I AM KNOWN AS DALEK JINN.  AND YOU ARE CELESTIA, SOVEREIGN EMPRESS OVER THE PONIES.” “Princess, not Empress,” she corrected.  “How did you come to be a waiter?” “I WAS STILL CONNECTED TO THE DALEK DATABASE, WHICH OPERATES INDEPENDENTLY OF ANY TEMPORAL RESTRICTIONS.” “Wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey,” the Doctor noted, staring quite intently at the Dalek. “I DISCOVERED THEY HAD POSED AS SERVANTS TO THE HUMAN BRITISH EMPIRE IN AN ATTEMPT TO REBUILD THEIR EMPIRE.  I WAS LOOKING FOR A PURPOSE OF MY OWN, SO I DECIDED TO START BY SERVING AND FOLLOWING ORDERS NO MATTER HOW THEY CAME.  AND SO I BECAME A WAITER.” “So, even after all this time, Rose’s touch has lasting effects,” the Doctor mused again.  “How long exactly have you been in Equestria?” “APPROXIMATELY FOUR MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED THIRTY-SIX THOUSAND RELS, THE EQUIVALENT TO THREE HUMAN MONTHS.” “Only three months?”  The Doctor seemed quite intrigued.  “You’ve known the Daleks rebuilt themselves, but you’ve only been on Equestria for three months?” “AS YOU AND I BOTH NOTED, DOC-TOR, TIME DOES NOT OPERATE AS INFERIOR BEINGS BELIEVE IT DOES.” “These ponies are far from inferior, err, Jinn,” the Doctor said, and Celestia heard a note of anger.  “They’re brilliant, you know.  I ought to know, I’m a Time Lord stuck in a pony body.  I’m sure the Master would have a snide remark or two, but that’s beside the point.  Don’t call them inferior.  You may actually be trying to fit in with these ponies, but I’m keeping my eye on you, Dalek.  One slip up, just one, and you’ll learn just why they call me the Oncoming Storm.” “IN ANY CASE DOC-TOR, WOULD YOU LIKE A BEVERAGE?” “As long as it isn’t pear flavored.” “I WILL BRING ONE OF APPLE VARIETY.” The Dalek spun around and glided off, leaving the Doctor to stare after it with a combination of fascination and distrust. “What is the matter?” Celestia asked. “Well, the Daleks and the Time Lords aren’t exactly the most friendly of species.  Their entire species is built around the extermination of anything that isn’t Dalek.  It’s not entirely their fault, though.  A madman by the name of Davros mutated the lot of them from an intelligent race into… those.” “That’s horrible!” “Yeah, well,” the Doctor rubbed at his mane sheepishly, “they’ve caused me no end of trouble over the years.  Caused several regenerations.  Like from my fifteenth self into my sixteenth.  Now that was a doozy of a regeneration.” “Regeneration?” Celestia asked, arching an eyebrow.  “I don’t understand.” “Basically,” the Doctor explained, “whenever a Time Lord’s body suffers a mortal wound, gets too old, or whenever he or she wants to, the Time Lord will regenerate.  Fresh new look, new personality, healthy body, and one regeneration count closer to death.” “So, you’re not immortal, then?” Celestia asked. “Not technically, no,” the Doctor shrugged, “but some Time Lords are granted new regeneration cycles for works of service.  Each body has twelve different regenerations, so thirteen total bodies.  A new regeneration cycle starts the countdown all over once it reaches the thirteenth form.  I myself got me a new one hundreds of years ago.  Back on Trenzalore.  Long story, but the Daleks were responsible for it, if indirectly—” “EXTERMINATE!  EXTERMINATE!” The Doctor jumped out of his chair, hoof digging into his coat and pulling out a strange metal thing with a blue diode at the end and pointing it straight at the Dalek, who was gliding at top speed out of the kitchens, firing its laser haphazardly at the ground.  The Doctor only blinked in disbelief as the Dalek continued to fire its laser at a rat that was skittering across the ground with a hunk of cheese. “Well…” the Doctor croaked in a weak voice. “That was… a thing,” Celestia agreed as the Dalek chased the poor mouse back to the kitchens.  “I think it is good we are the only two here at this hour.” “Yeah, I think I have to agree,” the Doctor concurred.  “This little date of ours seems to be pretty ill-fated, if you ask me.  Which means it’s a good thing I think fate is a load of horseapples.” “Oh?” she asked, curiosity once again piqued.  “I know many mares and stallions who follow fate to a T.  Tell me, Doctor, why do you think fate doesn’t exist?” “Because of what I’ve explained to you,” he said, sliding the scribbled napkin across the table.  “The universe can go so many different ways.  And many times, things try to change the past.  But there are some things that must happen, we call those fixed points in time, and some things that only can happen, which we consider points in flux.  Those points in flux can be altered, which can drastically change things.  Fixed points, however, cannot be changed, no matter what.” “So, if I wanted to go and stop my sister from falling to the Nightmares?” Celestia started, but the Doctor interjected. “Fixed point.  Nightmare Moon has always happened, across all the different Equestrias.  However, there are some things that you might think are fixed, but aren’t.  For example,” he said, pulling out a picture of an aged Twilight Sparkle still as a unicorn, “Twilight Sparkle’s ascension.  It happened here and now, but in many universes, it never happened for one reason or another.  I remember finding one where she was named Arch-Mage of Equestria.  Funnily enough, she did become an alicorn after a while, but not a pseudo-alicorn.  More like you or Luna.” “The actual avatar of a force?”  Celestia could feel a smattering of extra pride in this unknown version of Twilight Sparkle well up inside her. “Yep.  Magic itself, in this case.  But the point is, there are so many universes out there, so many worlds where things are different because of different things, but on those worlds, many of the same things have happened.” “YOUR BEVERAGE, DOC-TOR.” The Dalek was back, and it deposited a bottle of apple cider from Sweet Apple Acres in front of the Doctor, before gliding back. “WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO CONSUME FOR SUSTENANCE?” “Ehh, just a daisy sandwich,” Princess Celestia said. “Hay bacon, lettuce, and tomato,” the Doctor answered, giving his menu to the Dalek, who promptly glided off into the kitchen. “I’m quite surprised, Doctor,” Celestia mused out loud.  “You seem quite tense about him, but you treat him no differently than you do me.  Disregarding, of course, the outburst a few minutes ago.” “Well,” Celestia had to admit, the emphasis was starting to grow on her, “that Dalek was one I thought was the last of its kind, a race of aliens that had massacred my people, or so I’d thought.  It seems to have reformed itself quite well, and thanks to one of my companions from a long time ago, I’m giving it a chance.  If it screws that up, well, you’ll see a Time Lord in all his fury.” “To say nothing of mine, if it harms but one of my little ponies,” Celestia added, her horn giving a slight golden twinkle for added emphasis. “You know, I must wonder,” the Doctor thought aloud, “does it ever get boring, being a princess?” “Boring?  Oh, heavens no,” Celestia answered with a slight laugh.  “The nobles and their attempts to maneuver me into being their puppet always keep me on the tips of my hooves, but I do suppose it gets a bit… tedious.” “Doing the same old stuff over and over again?” “Yes, exactly!” “Well, I’ve got to admit, Princess, I thought I was going to be here for just a simple little date, but it seems my TARDIS brought me here for something else entirely.” “Something else?” the Princess asked, feeling slightly crestfallen.  Had he been using the date for some reason other than an actual date? “Oh, nothing that bad.  Princess, have you ever wanted to see the stars?” “Well, yes actually,” she admitted.  “Luna would know more about—” “Then how would you like to come with me?”  The Doctor grinned broadly.  Celestia, however, only blinked a couple of times in surprise, her mouth hanging open slightly. “H-how can you expect me to abandon my throne just for an adventure?  I will not shirk my duty.” “Nor am I asking you to,” the Doctor said, with a small shake of his head.  “The thing about time machines is that we can go off and have a thousand-year adventure, and you’ll be back just by next morning.  Or even five minutes from now.  Does that sound fun?” Celestia was very sorely tempted to take this offer up.  So sorely tempted, in fact, that she did take the offer up. “I think I can come along,” she said. “Fan-tas-tic!” the Doctor said, leaping to his hooves and cantering out of the restaurant.  “Follow me, Princess.” “But the check—” “Paid in advance,” the Doctor said, waving off the protestation.  “Come on, now!  We have adventures to go on!” Celestia, feeling confused but amused by this strange being, just followed him as he led her into an alleyway in Canterlot that contained a strange, blue box as tall as her, were she standing on her hind legs. “This,” the Doctor said with a flourish, “is my TARDIS.  Now, if you’ll step inside, we’ll be off.” He opened the door, letting Celestia step inside.  She had seen many strange things in her time.  As such, the revelation of all the technology inside, not to mention the fact that it was bigger on the inside only made her hum in amazement. “What a beautiful ship, Doctor,” she said, noting especially the stunning glass sculpting of the center tubes and the metal supports in the hexagon-shaped room.. “Oh, you think she’s beautiful now, just wait till the day where I let you pilot her.  She can be a real bitch sometimes.”  The Doctor paused, then leaned his head down to the console and crooned, “I only say that because I love you, darling.” “Yes, well,” Celestia said, “adventures?” “Oh, right!” The Doctor sprang up, twisted and turned various wheels, pressed a good amount of buttons, and generally whirled about the console like a madman.  Finally, with a cry of “Geronimo!” he threw a lever.  The whole ship shook precariously, and a strange whirring sound sounded. Five minutes later, a blue light flashed in that same alleyway, accompanied by the same whirring noise.  A moment later, the TARDIS sort of faded into existence, looking none the worse for the wear.  The door opened, and the Doctor and Princess Celestia fell out of the TARDIS, laughing wildly. “Well, wasn’t that such an amazing adventure,” the Doctor remarked, chuckling somewhat.  “I had quite forgotten how good of impersonators Zygons could be.” “”Yes, well,” Princess Celestia said, straightening up and shuffling her wings, “it has been wonderful traveling with you, Doctor.” “My pleasure, Princess,” the Doctor said.  Suddenly, his smile faded, and he looked down at his hooves.  “You know, I’m quite amazed I managed to get three hundred years of traveling on this one body.  Might be wearing a bit thin, if you ask me,” “Are you…” she asked, suddenly very concerned.  She had learned about the process, and now it seemed he was going to be gone forever... “Yes, I’m regenerating,” the Doctor said.  “Shame, really.  I like this version of me.  But the end comes for us all, I suppose.  Some just take longer than others to get there.” “Even for us immortals?” Celestia asked. “That I can’t answer, Princess.  But still,” he winked, “if ever you want to go on any more adventures, you know how to call me.” “I certainly do,” Celestia said, dipping her head.  “Good luck, Doctor.” “And you as well, Princess.” The stallion started to trot back toward the door of the TARDIS, but he stopped. “You know, it just suddenly hit me.” “What did?” Celestia asked, confused. “You’re the first companion I ever had who didn’t comment that my TARDIS was bigger on the inside in some way.  My old impossible girl did it in reverse, you see.  Oh, that’ll just make me miss you even more, Celestia.” “It’s not like I won’t be able to contact you, though.” “No, no, it’s not,” the Doctor concurred, looking down at his hooves again, which had started to give off a faint yellow sheen.  “Well, time to go, I’m afraid.  I don’t wanna go, but sometimes, change is for the better.” “Goodbye, Doctor,” Celestia said, leaning in and giving the Doctor a very loving nuzzle.  “It has been an honor to be your companion.” “The honor was all mine, having the great Princess of the Sun along,” the Doctor replied modestly.  “Well, you need to be getting back to your sister.  It’s been a few hundred years since you last saw her, hasn’t it?” “You’re right, I should be getting back.  Thank you, Doctor.  For everything.” “You’re welcome, anytime,” the Doctor said, waving as Princess Celestia trotted off.  As soon as she was out of sight, the Doctor stumbled back inside the TARDIS with a great groan, the doors automatically swinging shut behind him. “Wonder who I’m going to be this time,” he thought aloud.  “Or If I’m still going to be a pony.  I rather like being a pony.” A tremor racked his system and he doubled over, onto one of the guard rails. “Well,” he said, straightening up, “only one way to find out.  ALLONSY!” And with an explosive burst of energy, the Doctor began his transformation. The light spilled out of the windows, illuminating the alley the TARDIS was in, but Celestia saw none of it.  She was too buy trotting up the High Street toward Canterlot Castle, thinking about the many adventures she’d had. About the time where she’d visited the planet Barcelona, the time she had been there to stop a Cyberpony invasion, there had even been that strange goopy Smooze thing, which was really just a Nestene Consciousness in disguise.  So many wonderful adventures… So lost in her thoughts was she, that she stumbled by Luna’s room without even giving her and Deadpool so much as a glance. “Sister?” Luna called after a moment, poking her head out of her room as Deadpool erected a dispenser.  Celestia turned her head to give her a glance,  “How was the date?  Was it good?” “It was fan-tas-tic,” Celestia breathed, smiling that at least one of her dates had gone well.  Luna smiled too, happy that her sister was happy. “You owe me thirty bits,” Deadpool said as Luna picked up her controller.  “I told you she was going to go with the Doctor on the TARDIS.” “Shut up and build a sentry,” she snapped, picking up her controller and continuing their round of an extremely addictive internet game involving hats and copious amounts of bloodshed.