//------------------------------// // This Second Entry // Story: The Diary of Spike the Dragon // by Wrangle Wolfe //------------------------------// Diary Entry 2: May 30, 2014 Dear diary, Is there a way to kill Rainbow dash? No? Damn. Do you want to know what that son of a mule said to me? She told me I was lucky! Since when am I fucking LUCKY! When was the last time I was truly happy or lucky. Oh, like HER life is so hard! Seriously, she can go somewhere else with that! Yes they have the physically hard part of life. Look who gets the emotionally stressing part of life? ME! Like she understands my life, my pain, my stress. No, until she lives a day of my life getting thrown, stepped on, kicked around, basically ABUSED every Celestia-damned day! I'm glad Twilight recommended this diary to me. I can write down my frustrations whenever I want to. I feel like Twilight actually knows that something is up, and I respect her for that. Letting me keep it to myself and the diary until I was ready to tell somepony. I'm glad she actually notices me, and understands my problem to some extent. She truly loves me. I... it just relieves me. I have no idea why it does that, it just feels like I just got a new friend in an empty, bare space. Like I'm not alone any more. I might tell Twilight about this someday too. She deserves to know. I'm not sure how much I can write now. I am in terrible pain after helping Rarity with her bags again. My claws really hurt from all of that weight they carried. S-she called me... 'Spikey-Wikey' again... my pride... I never knew my pride could be damaged any worse than it already was. I just lifted so many pounds of clothes that wont be used at all, and I didn't complaining about anything... I was lucky I could lift that stuff. Every time she calls me that... it just proves that the one I love thinks of me as a child. Yet I will outlive her... by hundreds of years! That's why I don't complain about not being as close to them as they are to each other. If I get close... too close... the pain I'll feel when they die will be too much to take. I'll only have Twilight. I almost wish they'd be able to live as long as me too, but that'd be horrible. Watching their families die... and they will have to live with that pain for thousands of years. That'd be horrible. I would never wish that on ANYPONY! This is why I'm so confused. What do I want? What should I want? I am asking for so much more... and yet I ask for so little. I don't know what I want. I don't want to get too close to my friends just to watch them die... but I do want to get closer... to be appreciated. Why, Twilight, WHY! Why did YOU have to hatch me. I could've been around friends that would all live as long as me! I could've lived a happy life with my own kind. And I tried to do that, but thanks to me being with PONIES, I couldn't be anything like my kind. I couldn't be mean, I couldn't eat a phoenix egg, because I wasn't RAISED that way. I want to see my mom and dad... I wonder how they look. I wonder if they ever worried about my egg that was stolen by Celestia... Celestia.... Her... she brought my egg... she uses me as her mail pony... every day. Every. FUCKING. Day. That hurts. It scratches my throat. Ponies from the future... do you know that feeling that it like a cat scratched your throat? Imagine that ten times worse. And when Discord was messing up Twilight and her friends... all of those letters... I wanted to scream in agony... but I couldn't. It was so much that by the time she was done sending letters, I coughed up some blood. So much blood I thought I was dying. I would've told Twilight... but she was gone and I couldn't talk for at least an hour. Celestia can... Well, I actually can't get too angry at her. I'm the reason Twilight got her cutie mark. If she wasn't using her magic on me, the Sonic Rainboom wouldn't have had any affect on her. I'm the reason she met her friends, became an alicorn, and why she's the mare she is today. If Celestia hadn't gotten me, her magic burst probably wouldn't have happened. Or Celestia wouldn't notice until the situation was over and the ponies watching her kicked her out. Because I'm pretty sure she came in because there was a huge dragon in her palace. She tried to cover that stuff with 'I sensed the power'. I mean, come on! There is powerful magic all across Equestria happening all the time. I think she could mostly sense dark magic and unusual magic. Powerful magic isn't unusual unless it powerful dark magic. But it doesn't matter how much Celestia abuses me either, because she makes Twilight happy so I'm... I don't know actually. My emotions are just... so mixed up? What am I? I know I'm not happy. I can't quite say I'm satisfied. I... guess I am thankful. Despite all that I go through, I am thankful for what I've got. I mean come on! I'm not that uncared for! I still have food, a warm home, and a magnificent education. But, although I do have all of those things, I lack one thing that would make a big difference in my life: Love. I have a little love from Twilight, I guess, and I hope the other girls love me at least a little bit. And Rarity... I could only hope she'd love me. But I know that'd never happen. I wouldn't allow it, and she wont feel it anyways. I feel so... greedy. Greedy for more attention. I probably do get enough attention. There are probably a lot of ponies with absolutely no attention, and I get a little and want more. I'm not saying that I don't need more, but at least I have some. i should be happy with what I've got, and I know that, but I can't help but feel this way. I'm just a confused dragon in a land I don't belong in. I'm lost. Can't handle this much longer. All of the confusion, the pain, the memories, the sadness, the abuse, the... lack of love. I just... I don't know any more. I don't know what to do, what to feel, how to handle this. It hurts that I don't have the knowledge that I need to figure this out. Maybe I am worthless. Maybe I am just a confused baby dragon. Maybe... I should just... Give up on... Everything. ~A confused and downtrodden Spike