Chapter 3 - Old Scars, New Wounds
By: Red Angel
I am running down an endless corridor. Countless doors adorn the walls, pools of blood seeping out from under them. They shake and bang, like something is violently bashing against them, I can hear screams of pain coming from the other side. Behind me, a dark shadow is crawling along the walls, floor and ceiling of the hallway, pursuing me, growing faster and faster like dark tentacles, swallowing everything. There is a loud ringing in my ears.
I don't dare to look back at the shadows chasing me, but I can feel them, they are slowly but surely getting closer, and no matter how hard I try, I cannot outrun it. My eyes are nailed to the hallway in front of me, desperately trying to spot some end to it, an escape, a way to freedom. But the corridor just keeps going, forever and ever with no end in sight.
Something is sitting on the floor, something small. I try to make it out but it's like my eyes refuse to focus. The screaming and the slamming of the doors slowly dies down as I close in on the object. I am almost atop of it when I stop dead in my tracks, my eyes finally recognizing just what is in front of me. I pant hard, struggling to catch my breath.
A tiny pegasus filly is sitting on her haunches, facing towards me, her head hunched so far down her muzzle is almost touching the floor. Tears are running down her cheeks from tightly shut eyes hiding under a purple mane. Her shoulders are shuddering and I can hear her mumbling.
"It hurts..." she whispers, "please stop... It hurts..." She keeps repeating those two phrases.
I reach out and lift her in my arms, cradling her. Her head jerks up and she stares at me with panicky eyes, her whole body starts shaking like crazy as I see a look of pure fear overcome her. She starts to scream, loud and shrill, as she begins to twist, turn and kick around desperately.
With one last pull she slips out of my hands, turns and runs away from me down the corridor. There are more shadows in that direction, we are trapped. She is running straight towards it. I reach out my hand after her and call out, trying to stop her, but she keeps running. The darkness envelops her as she flees from me, completely vanishing in the black emptiness. I can not even hear the clopping of her hooves, she is just... Gone...
"Monster..."
A chorus of different voices whisper in perfect unison behind me. I spin around to face them. The darkness is gone, and the entire corridor with it. I am looking over an open plane, lifeless and grey, the dirt ground covered in ash, and a few trees, black and twisted, devoid of any vegetation, stick up like jagged claws from the ground, reaching towards a dark, colorless sky.
"How could you...?"
In the distance, I see familiar figures standing in a tight group. I can recognize their faces, all staring at me with judging eyes. The ponies of Ponyville, and front and center stands the ones I used to call friends. There is Twilight, Applejack, Derpy, even... Fluttershy? The yellow pegasus is drilling her eyes into me, full of accusation and sorrow, fanning the fires of my guilt, burning me mercilessly.
A chilling wind sweeps over me, and a long hum vibrates through the air, like a long, low frequency bass note that drowns out all sound, and I see it again. The darkness. It is crawling across the ground, coming from all directions, covering everything in shadows. It is moving closer and closer towards the ponies, even the sky grows darker as it draws nearer. They don't see it, their eyes are still nailed to me. I reach out and try to shout, to warn them, but nothing is heard, the powerful humming silencing my voice.
I start running, faster than I think I've ever run before. I have to reach them, before the shadows get them. They just keep standing there, their staring faces never changing, even now when I'm charging them like a madman. Somehow I manage to get to them before the darkness, though it is almost at their hooves, practically quivering with anticipation, like it's savoring this moment, drawing it out.
Fluttershy is right in front of me. I bend down and grab her, trying to shake her out of this stupor. Her eyes suddenly shoot wide open, almost to the point that I think they'll pop right out of their sockets. She throws her head back, mouth agape. She is screaming, but no sound escapes her lips, overtaken by the hum as soon as it leaves her throat. Her face contorts in pain at my touch, as her body turns grey and stiffens, before crumbling to dust in my black hands, slipping between my claws like sand. I look down at myself, my entire body is blackened and twisted, a void in the shape of some humanoid monstrosity. Black tendrils spread from my body along the ground like oil, joining the rest of the darkness as it pounces upon the ponies. It violently latches unto them, the ponies finally shaken out of their trance as they thrash and scream, before their bodies too turn to ash by the darkness. My darkness.
I scream at the dark skies, a monstrous roar, distorted and ear-shattering.
And then... Everything turns to black.
My horrified screams are cacophonous, ringing out so loudly it feels like my throat will tear itself open. I am lying on something soft, but it might as well have been hot coals as I thrash around from side to side. Something is restraining me, the skin of my wrists and ankles digging into something rough in my violent struggle. The pain racking through my body fails to penetrate the raging panic that is tearing me apart. I call out in incoherent wails, not even aware of what I am screaming with such desperation. I can feel something press down against my shoulders. Someone is talking to me, the voice slowly becoming clearer through my haze.
"... -nymous, please! You have to calm down! Your injuries..." The voice of a stallion is calling out to me, urgency in his voice. I grit my teeth tightly, hissing and grunting through them as I keep twisting and turning. The weight on my shoulders is pressing down harder, trying to stop me. "It's alright, you're safe, nothing can hurt you here! Please!" The voice shouts again, before growing calmer and more collected, "Just listen to my voice, everything will be okay, but I need you to calm down. Please, calm down." I slowly cease my thrashing, my body going stiff as my breath slows down into a pained wheezing through my still clenched teeth. "Yes, that's good. Focus on my voice. Keep breathing. Deep breaths." The voice starts taking deep controlled breaths while trying to sooth me. Almost instinctively I start mimicking it, inhaling in rhythm with him. My body eventually relaxes and goes limp, my mind finally registering the pain I'm in. I slowly open my eyes, blinking a few times to help focus my blurry vision.
The first thing I see is a white ceiling, it's not mine. I also think I'm lying in a bed, also not mine. It feels like ages since I've been in one. I had been planning to buy a new one, since my last one was lost along with my old home, but I never got around to it, eventually I just stopped caring and settled for staying on the couch. I notice movement right below my vision. Looking down I see a yellow unicorn, with a brown mane, wearing a white lab coat and with a pair of round spectacles resting on his muzzle. He is leaning over me. I recognize him, he's a doctor at the Ponyville hospital, Doctor... Stable? I think that's it. His blue eyes meet mine, he gives me a worried look before lowering his head, releasing a long sigh of relief.
He suddenly turns a little pale and stares back at my face again, holding his breath. I can see the hint of fear in his eyes. He then pulls back away from me, like I had become scalding to the touch, and stands down on the floor. There it was again, that look. The one they all gave me. He seems to collect himself remarkably well though, trying to hold on to some level of professionalism. He clears his throat and gives me an awkward smile as a silent apology. I don't respond in any way.
I look around me, moving my head makes it feel like someone's using it like a drum, I groan but still keep turning it, trying to take in my surroundings. I'm in a hospital room alright, as drab and spartan as you would expect from a hospital, a single plant in the corner vainly trying to give life to the room. On my left side I'm hooked up to a heart rate monitor, giving out small beeps at regular intervals, and on my right, an I.V. bag is pumping a clear liquid into my arm through a tube. Soft orange sunlight is shining in through the window, but from my position I can't see outside. What am I doing here?
"You had us worried there for a while." I look back at the doctor when he speaks. He only flinches slightly, I probably wouldn't even have noticed if I weren't so used to seeing it. Impressive. "Do you remember what happened to you?"
I try to think back. My head feels like it's been mashed, just thinking is like I'm trying to push a nail through my forehead. I remember Applejack, we were talking... And afterwards... Scootaloo, she came to my house... Oh god... Scootaloo... I am so sorry. How could I have hurt her... Why her...
I am pinned against the wall, cerise eyes glaring into mine. There is a pain in my chest, I taste blood, it's hard to breathe. She scowls at me, seething with rage. She screams, "Why her!?"
Rainbow... I turn my head away from the doctor and stare into the wall instead.
"I remember..." My throat is so dry and it hurts like hell, I can just barely speak above a whisper. So it didn't end, she didn't finish it. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed, but I'm also glad... For her sake. I know there wouldn't be many grieving in this town if I was gone, but murder is still murder and I'm glad Rainbow won't need to pay the price for it.
"Yes, well..." He clears his throat again. "You've been under for little over three days, luckily you were brought in fairly quickly, but there were some complications. First of all, being the only documented member of your species, we did not possess much knowledge about your physiology, fortunately Miss Sparkle could provide us with some insight thanks to the notes she had gathered about you. I believe she said they were from your "study sessions"?" I let the question hang in the air unanswered. I didn't really want to think about those times, they were not unpleasant, though Twilight could get a bit too enthusiastic about learning all she could about me. The reason I don't want to think about it is because it's just another reminder of how things used to be and can never be again, I don't need more of those.
"Secondly," he continues when he realizes I'm not going to indulge his curiosity, "your unique... incompatibility with magic did make things more problematic, we had to call in a few pegasi and earth pony doctors who were more proficient with non-magic assisted procedures."
Yeah, the thing about magic? It doesn't work on me. We never really could figure out why. Maybe it's because I'm from a place were magic does not exist, maybe all humans are immune. Since I'm the only human in this world, there really isn't any way to get a decent sample size to test that theory. My immunity is also only against magic itself though, not it's indirect effects. If a unicorn were to try and lift me from the ground telekinetically they would not be able to grasp me with their magic. However, throw a rock at me with telekinesis and it would hurt just as much as if it had been thrown by hoof, if not more so. You couldn't set fire to me, but a fireball hurled at me would still burn me. Celestia understood this, thankfully. It's how she managed to stop me back then before she finally released me from that "thing's" influence. Using her magic to heat up the air around my body until I passed out, instead of directly attacking me. Brilliant, really. I suppose one would have to be in order to rule a kingdom for millennia.
I try to sit up, but I can't move either my arms or legs, something is restraining them. I squirm around a bit before the pain in my chest shoots out like electricity up my body. I flinch witch causes yet another painful jolt, this time from my lower back. My body falls limp and I pant, the tiny exertion has left me winded and I can feel a few beads of sweat forming on my forehead.
"Please, try not to exert yourself. Here..." I hear the quiet hum of magic, then feel the bed shift under me as the upper half bends upwards, lifting me slowly into a sitting position. Now that I have a clearer view of my body I can see my restraints. Leather straps are pinning my hands and legs down to the bed, preventing me from moving so much as an inch. I can catch a glimpse of my malnourished body under the covers, my upper half is bare, but I can feel the texture of some fabric on my lower body. At least I'm not naked then. Also, I think I've been washed, months of grime gone, not to mention the smell, it feels kind of strange after such a long time. My chest area looks like it's been through war though. It is covered with black bruises. There are also a few small stitches here and there.
I look over to the doctor, he is levitating the control for adjusting the bed in a blue magical aura. He sets the controller down at the edge of the bed, right next to my hand, its buttons, designed for hooves, look almost comically huge when compared to my fingers. I try one of the restraints around my wrist again, tugging lightly.
"Why am I strapped down?" The doctor has levitated a medical chart up to his face, scanning over it with his eyes. He jerks slightly when he hears my voice, pulling his attention away from the chart and turning his face towards me. He looks over the leather straps before giving me another sheepish smile.
"I'm terribly sorry, we didn't have much choice. You kept thrashing around so much you were in danger of harming yourself further. It must have been some unpleasant dreams you were having." I'm not sure if he was trying to be sarcastic with that last comment or if it was just an observation. In any case, I don't give a response. He glances back and forth between the restraints and my face, mulling something over in his head.
"If I release your bonds, will you..." He pauses, probably trying to find the right words. "Will you promise to try and be still, for the sake of your wounds?" He tries to sound sincere, maybe at some level he really is, but the look of uncertainty in his face tells another story. Even in the state I'm in now, hooked up in a hospital bed looking like I've been worked over by a loan shark, even now they're still afraid.
I lower my head and close my eyes. Do I really still seem like such a threat? I guess I was right, I can't change their view of me. I can feel my eyes water slightly, but I stop myself from crying. I don't have the energy anymore. I have cried so much it just feels like a meaningless action at this point. I can feel the sunlight from the window on my face. It makes me feel sick. I swallow hard, my sore throat stinging. I give a small, tired nod. The hum of magic once again fills the air and I can feel the straps being tugged, their grips loosening before releasing my body completely. I slowly open my eyes again. I stare distantly at my hands. It doesn't matter how many times they are cleaned, they are always dirty, stained, and will remain that way. What can I do?
What can I do...
I raise my eyes, looking at the doctor. He is just standing there, not having moved from his spot during all this time, and he keeps staring at me, like he's waiting for something. I wonder if he's already regretting taking away the restraints. There is an almost oppressive silence in the air, interrupted solely by the beeping of the heart monitor, as we just look at each other. Slowly I can see his nervousness grow. I decide to speak up and break the silence.
"So what's the damage?" He blinks a few times, looking like he's just snapped out of a daydream. He coughs awkwardly and lifts the medical chart again in his magical grip, pushing his spectacles in place with his hoof as he goes over it one more time.
"Well, for starters, you've lost a bit of blood. Luckily for you, it was not all that much, once you were brought in we managed to stabilize you fairly quickly. However, given your current physical state, a few minutes later and you might not have been so lucky. You had a few cuts, some of them pretty nasty and some had traces of splinters in them. We've cleaned them up, stitched the deeper ones and bandaged the more superficial ones. The cut on your cheek might leave a scar." I raise my hand to my face, running my fingers along the left side of it. It still feels sore, making me flinch away from my own hand. I touch the area around my cheek, more carefully this time, and eventually feel the outline of a few butterfly bandages pinching together a horizontal cut, about the length of my thumb, just below my eye.
"You've also suffered a lot of blunt trauma to the head and chest area. When you arrived you were already unconscious, we feared you might slip into a coma since we did not know if you had suffered a concussion and our efforts to rouse you failed. We could not find any signs of internal bleeding during our examination though, I guess you were really lucky." He bites his tongue and looks a bit nervously at me. It might not have been the best choice of words, considering, but I show no reaction. He clears his throat again. I get the feeling he's not usually this tactless and is annoyed with himself.
"Your left eye had some nasty swelling though, but it's pretty much gone down now. Your ribs on the other hoof had taken a serious beating, some had only a few small contusions, but you also have multiple fractures across your rib cage, some of the ribs were threatening to puncture your lungs, we had to realign them in order to minimize the risk. It was our main concern when you kept thrashing around in your sleep, hence why we had to restrain you.
"What worries me most right now though is your back. You had some pretty serious bruising along the lower back and hip area, and most of the splinters we had to clean out were also around the same area. Due to our limited knowledge about your species though, we were not exactly sure how extensive the damage was. However..." He stops and takes a deep breath, "there was some internal bleeding. Though we managed to stop it, we feared there might have been some form of damage to the nerves in your spine by the force of the impact."
A cold lump settles in my chest, my face falling into a dumbstruck expression as I stare at the unicorn in front of me, then down at my legs. Nerve damage? In my spine? That usually means... But I'm sure I can still feel my legs... Can't I? Is it just phantom pain? But... No, I'm sure I can still feel them. I take a nervous gulp and look back up at him again.
"I... I think I can still feel them... My legs, I mean..."
He finally takes a few steps closer, placing himself at the bottom of the bed. A blue shimmer surrounds the edge of the covers as they slide a bit up my legs, exposing my feet. Huh, someone cut my toenails. Idiot! Stop thinking about stupid shit like that at a time like this! I look at the doctors face as he scrutinize my feet before meeting my eyes.
"I want you to try to wiggle your toes for me." We both look at my feet again. Perspiration is forming anew on my forehead as I tremble slightly. Alright, I can do this... Come on, please let me do this... I bite my lower lip and take a deep breath. I almost don't want to try, for fear of finding out that I can't. A usually mundane muscle movement you often do without even thinking is suddenly in complete focus as my mind sends the signal towards the muscles in my feet.
There, ever so slightly, the toes on my left foot move, followed by my right toes. It was small but it was there. It was there! I try again, they move a little more this time but I'm also greeted by a jab of pain in my lower back. I grunt and flinch. Doctor Stable is writing down some notes on the medical chart before looking at my face again.
"The good news is that there seems to be no paralysis, but there is apparently still some small damage to the nerves."
"So... Will I get better?" I bite my lip again before continuing, "Will I be able to walk?" He lowers the chart, once again using his magic to move the covers back down to cover my feet. It's strange, just a few minutes ago I was kind of disappointed to find out I had survived, now I'm suddenly concerned about being able to walk. What's one more malady to add to the pile? Still... To become paralyzed atop of everything else...
"I think so." My eyes widen a bit, I had held my breath without even noticing, finally releasing it in a relieved sigh. "Since we cannot use magic to help speed up your recovery, we have looked into alchemical rehabilitation instead." Ah, good old Equestrian alchemy, it beats out regular medicine by miles, but from what I've understood from Twilight, it's a lot more complex and harder to manufacture.
"How long will it take?" He rubs his chin with his hoof, looking up at the ceiling with a ponderous look before turning back to me.
"Well, alchemy is a complex thing. The foremost experts are the zebras. Luckily, one lives in the Everfree Forest, a zebra by the name of Zecora I believe." I had heard about Zecora, though I had never gotten the chance to meet her. She is apparently a bit of a recluse. Way to call the kettle black, dickhead. "Miss Sparkle is an acquaintance of hers. Hopefully she'll lend her expertise to us. Now normally, alchemy acts fast, a broken tooth can be replaced in a matter of seconds, a broken bone mended in a few days. We are however unsure how your body will react to it. You will most likely be here for a week at least, probably longer. Though truthfully, a lot of that time will be for safety measures. Alchemy is potent, yes, but we will need to make sure it is as safe as possible before committing it to be used to heal you.
"There is also your physical state to take into consideration. You are dangerously malnourished on top of all your injuries, I have also been informed that you have been avoiding sleep, so your mental health is most likely not at its strongest. We will have to be careful. We will focus on the ribs first, regenerating bone tissue can be painful, and in your condition you might pass out, so we will take it in increments, starting slow and working our way up. Nerves though, that is a more delicate and complex prospect. I'm not going to lie, it will hurt far more than the ribs at the beginning, and it will work slower. Even after the procedure you will most likely have some difficulties walking for quite some time."
I mull over his words in my head. A lot of work for a broken man. Is it really worth the effort, all things considered? After this, I'll just go back out there, a broken shell to match my soul, out to the ponies, the staring, the judging. I turn my head and look out the window, the sun has not risen far above the horizon, it's still early in the morning. I look over the streets, remembering how I used to walk along them, different from the inhabitants, but accepted. I can see the Golden Oaks Library, Sugarcube Corner and Carousel Boutique. All of them carry nothing but painful memories that haunt my nightmares nowadays.
Something in the corner of my eye catches my attention. Next to the pole with the I.V. bag is a small table I hadn't even noticed before. On top of it stands three small bouquets of flowers in simple glass vases, there's even a little card, adorned with three balloons. I raise an eyebrow at them, it's not hard to guess who left these, it's not like I have many possible candidates. Twilight, Applejack... And Pinkie Pie... She is a lot like Twilight, in the way that they were the only ones who still talked to me and claimed to still consider me their friend. However, just like Twilight, she still fears me and refuses to see me on her own. What I've done to her, it's marked her in ways she can't forget, to this day she gets regular bouts of depression where she locks herself away for an entire day, sometimes more. I took Ponyville's Party Pony, and I took away her laughter.
Something else on the table draws my eyes even more though, a small plate lies on the flat surface, and in the center of it stands a single muffin. I can't smell it and it looks like it's gone stale. I stare at it like a simpleton. Who in the world?
"Ah yes, you've had some visitors while you were unconscious. That muffin was left by that mailmare, I can't remember her name... The grey, blond-maned one with the eye condition. I told her that even if you were awake, you were in no condition to eat solid food, least of all baked goods or pastries. Said she didn't mind, she just wanted to leave it for you. Peculiar girl, that one."
One of a kind... My eyes are glued to the muffin. Why did she...? After what I...
"Derpy..." The name is not even a whisper as it passes my dry lips almost soundlessly. I have not seen her since... Was she really here? Why? I am not sure what I'm feeling right now. A storm of different emotions are fighting inside of me. I thought she had frozen me out of her life, after how I betrayed her.
A mare lies on the floor among the splintered remains of a table, her head buried under her hooves. She is crying. "Why does this always happen to me?", she sobs before wailing loudly. "Why can't I just have a friend?"
"... -ello? Hello? Are you okay?" I am pulled back to the world by the doctors voice, my head turning quickly in his direction, looking at him distantly. He can't stop himself from instinctively taking a step back. The familiar feeling of nausea is setting in my gut again. I look down at my hands, they are clenched so tightly my knuckles have turned white. I take a few breaths and slowly ease my grip. I don't look back at the doctor.
"Thank you, doctor." My voice is heavy and tired, but I make sure to talk clearly enough for him to hear me. "If that is all I need to know, I would like to be alone now."
"Very well, before I go though; we will be needing to do something about your undernourishment, otherwise the alchemical procedure might end up doing more harm than good. Since you cannot eat solid food, we will need to start providing you with liquids and work our way to solids." Great, the thought of food is just what I need right now. My stomach feels like it just turned upside down.
"You better leave a bucket here then, I've been having difficulties keeping any food down. Don't want to make a mess of your floors." I say dryly. He doesn't answer back, he just stays quiet for a few seconds before continuing.
"Also... Miss Sparkle and some of her friends asked that they be informed should your condition change... Do you want me to contact them?" I keep staring down at the covers. Why do they keep holding on to this pretense? In my mind, I see the faces of those I used to call friends. I try to recall what I used to feel whenever I saw them, but all I get are regrets. Regrets and pain. I slowly shake my head.
"No... It's still early. Let them sleep a little longer." I'm certain they will eventually find their way here. After all this time of treating me like I don't exist, at best, they've suddenly become very busy with trying to involve themselves with my life. Too little, too late. I can feel a hint of bitterness rise inside of me but I choke it out. It's not their fault... My eyes are watering again, but once more I fight back the tears.
"Alright... Do you want me to lower the bed back down?" I shake my head again, I don't feel like sleeping anymore for a while. As I hear the clopping of his hooves slowly making their way towards the door, I look outside the window again. The rising sun is coloring the town in golden light. It looks so silent, so peaceful. I try to tell myself that the view is beautiful, but all it does is making me feel sick.
"Doctor..." I turn my head slightly in his direction, not really facing him, looking at the floor under his hooves from the corner of my eye. He has stopped just short of the door as he turns around to look at me. "Before you go, can you close the curtains a bit? The sun is in my eyes..." And I just can't look at that town right now. I hear the hum of his magic once more followed by the rattling of curtains as they are pulled to cover half of the window, keeping one part of the room illuminated by sunlight while covering my half in shadows. In my mind, it's almost poetic in a way.
"Thank you..." With that he exits through the door, closing it softly behind him before the sound of his hooves disappears down the hallway. I turn my head to the wall in front of me, staring at it as I empty my mind, blocking out the world around me like I've done so many times while locked up in my home. It's better like this, alone and empty, no pain, no ponies, no nightmares. At least for a while.
I have been sitting here for an hour or two now, just staring at the same wall. The sun has moved high enough now that the room is filled with light despite the half-covered window. I still hurt like all hell, the pain does not let my mind drift away for long before pulling me back to reality. I lick my dry lips. I should have asked the doctor for some water before he left, for once I'm actually feeling thirsty. I blame Applejack for that, that apple juice was like manna from heaven, I could go for one right now. I feel guilty for destroying those juice boxes, I just threw her gifts away like they were nothing. I am such a fuck up. Is there anything I can touch without it turning into shit?
So much for trying to empty my mind...
Something catches my attention, I hear raised voices in the hallway outside my room. I can't make out what they are saying, but I recognize all of them, except one, a deep male voice I cannot place. They sound angry, shouting at each other as they come closer and closer. My heart feels like it just got twisted into a knot, I knew this was coming, but one of those voices I did not expect to hear. Doctor Stable's voice joins in, shouting in an admonishing tone which silences the others, all I could make out was something about disturbing the patients.
My body tenses up, despite the pain, when I hear the doorknob turn and the door slowly opening. I turn my head towards it, through the small crack the doctors head is peeking in to the room.
"Ah, you're still awake I see. You, um, you have visitors." I give him a completely deadpan look. Really? In what universe did anyone not hear that commotion? I bite back any sarcastic remarks though, I'm not in the mood. I really don't want to do this.
"Didn't I say I want to be alone?"
"Well, you did tell me to let them sleep before informing them. Now, they are awake and they are informed." Smart ass. A small sigh escapes my lips. Just as I'm about to tell him to ask them to leave, I stop when I see him bite his lip with a hesitant look on his face. "Rainbow Dash is with them..." My breath hitches, I did not hear her voice before. Rainbow Dash, here? I fidget with my hands nervously. What is she doing here? "Do you want to receive them?"
No...
I give another sigh as I resign myself to fate. Lowering my eyes and giving a slow nod. The doctor disappears back out the hallway for a few seconds before the door swings open all the way. A collective clopping fills the room as six sets of hooves close in on the doorway. First in are Applejack and Twilight, they both give me relieved smiles as they make their way towards the side of my bed, Applejack pulls her hat from her head and holds it to her chest as they sit down next to me. There is some small distance between us though, most likely for Twilight's sake. At this point I don't even register it, or at least I pretend not to.
Following not far behind them is the distinct shape of a bright pink earth pony, Pinkie Pie. Her poofy mane is lacking some of it's luster, drooping slightly as she drags her hooves through the doorway. As soon as she sees me, her bright blue eyes, puffy and slightly red, widen and she gives a dramatic gasp. She runs over to the foot of the bed and stares at me with sad eyes. She looks like she is about to cry. I cringe, I can never handle seeing her this way, to see a pony more full of life than anybody, who could bring a smile into anyone's life, be reduced to this. She was always there to brighten my day with a joke or with just her goofy, lovable personality. During hard days, when I needed a pick-me-up to sort my thoughts, I would visit Sugarcube corner. She would always make sure my order was prepared with care and fresh out of the oven, anything to help me. That is who Pinkie is, life and laughter, not this.
"Ohmygosh! Anon, look at you! You're... You're..." Her voice hiccups and she sniffs, tears forming in the corners of her eyes. Twilight reaches one of her hooves out and rests it on her shoulder. Silently, I thank her for giving Pinkie the support that I can not.
"Shhh..." I hush softly, or as softly as I can with my hoarse throat. "Pinkie, it's okay..." She sees right through my words though, they are so far from true they could be called a bald faced lie. My voice is weak and strained, combine that with my appearance and the truth speaks for itself. Nothing is okay.
"No! No it's not..." She reaches out to me with a hoof but immediately pulls it back to her chest. She bites her trembling lip and sits down on her haunches, twiddling her hooves around with shameful eyes cast to the floor. My heart bleeds, she tries so hard but not even she can look past what has happened between us. Pinkie, I don't blame you. "I was visiting Twilight when Dash suddenly burst into the library!" She dramatically throws her forelegs out to the sides to illustrate. "She kept rambling on and on about how she had hurt you! And then we found you in your house... and... and... We were soooo worried..."
"Come now, dear. We all know how tenacious Anonymous can be. No need to fret." My blood runs cold as ice when I hear that voice, the one I was not expecting when I heard it in the hallway, it is composed and refined, but I can clearly hear the venom laced in it. I have been avoiding its owner for so long, I thought we would never come face to face again. I had hoped we never would. Turning my head, I spot a pearl white unicorn striding into the room.
Rarity.
Her purple mane has grown back to it's normal length, pristine and styled into elegant curls. The scars on her neck are no longer visible as well. A lump forms in my throat as I hold my breath. We were never what you would call "friends", even back before all of this. We shared no interests, she mostly treated me like some uneducated brute and I considered her nothing but a condescending prude. Our only interactions were whenever I needed to shop for clothes. Since I couldn't just buy them over the counter, I needed them custom made, and despite our differences, Rarity is always up for a challenge when it comes to fashion. I can't help but wonder if this antagonism is what compelled me to almost... I can't finish that thought... Out of all the atrocities I committed, no one came so close to paying the ultimate price for it than she did. It's no wonder she hates me, even though she would claim otherwise, hiding it under a facade of politeness.
When our eyes meet, she stops dead in her tracks. She has that shocked face I'm prone to cause nowadays whenever someone sees me. She looks down along my ravaged body then up again, her deep blue eyes piercing into mine. Her expression softens, but I'm not sure how I would describe the emotion that now adorns it. She always was more reserved unless riled up. It is not repulsion or anger, but it is also not one of her masks of sympathy or courtesy either. There is a hint of sadness in her eyes, but more distant, and her forehead is lightly furrowed in concentration, like she's trying to peer into some half forgotten memory. I stop trying to figure it out as I avert my eyes, not being able to look into hers any longer. Her mere presence makes me feel cold and small.
"Rarity," Twilight gently chides, "this is serious. He's in bad shape."
"Of course..." Rarity's voice is steady, but its bite is missing, both the veiled venom and the pretense of empathy gone. Just at the edge of my vision I can see her move to the side, clearing a path to the door, but keeping a considerable distance from me. She gives the floor a light, absent-minded kick with one of her front hooves. The change in her demeanor only manages to chill my bones further. I don't dare to look her in the face again.
The sound of heavy hoof steps emanate from the doorway, grabbing all of our attentions as we turn our heads towards it. Emerging from the hallway, with strong steady steps like a military march, is a pegasus stallion, decked head to hoof in the golden armor of the royal guard over his strong white-coated body. A grim expression, like carved out of rock, is plastered on his face, his piercing eyes facing straight forward, unfaltering. And walking by his side, her head hanging low, is Rainbow Dash.
I feel a lump in my throat when I see her. She looks miserable, seeming so small next to the guard. She is wearing a harness made out of leather straps, with a few places of thick cloth, most likely to make it less uncomfortable for the wearer, pinning her wings down against her body. Rainbow and I were never all that close, we would often bicker and her bragging would get on my nerves, but there was still a point where I considered her a friend to some degree. Just like Applejack though, she grew cold after the incident, finding any excuse not to see me unless she needed to accompany Twilight or Pinkie. Seeing her like this though, being denied the use of her wings, her usual bravado gone, it feels unnatural. Flying is her life, you just can't take her wings away.
In my mind, I see myself in a forest, my fingers wrapping around blue feathers at the base of a wing. A bit of pressure, a twist of my wrists, a loud pop, no more flight. A shudder travels down my spine, I have to stifle a grunt by the pain that shoots out from my back. Rainbow finally lifts her head, her mane is disheveled, hanging down in her face as her eyes peer between the messy bangs. She has been crying, but when our eyes meet she gives me a indignant glare, her face forming into a scowl. She only manages to look me in the eye for a few seconds though, before her lips quiver slightly and she looks away from me, resting her sight on the floor instead. I look at the door anxiously, holding my breath, waiting for one last pony to enter. But there is nothing. I breathe out. She is not here... Good... It would have been too much...
"Well?" Applejack looks at Rainbow, authority in her voice, like she was chiding a disobedient child. She stands her ground, but refuses to lift her eyes and look at anyone, the corners of her mouth twitch a bit into a small frown. "Rainbow." Her voice is firmer now, giving a frown of her own to the blue pegasus. She still doesn't say anything. Applejack throws her hat to the floor and stands up, glaring at her.
"Dang it, Dash! This ain't no time to be so pig-headed! After what ya did yer lucky to..." Twilight puts a hoof on her shoulder, stopping her rant before it can gain momentum. Applejack looks at her, exasperated and panting hard, she was clearly wound up and ready to give Dash a piece of her mind. Twilight's pleading look though manages to calm her enough to collect herself. She looks back at Rainbow, who's still staring at the floor, with a glare but stays silent as Twilight walks past her, stopping in front of the bound pegasus. Rainbow's head lowers a bit more, her frown falters, being replaced with shame under the sad eyes of the purple unicorn.
"Dash, please..."
"What do you want me to say, Twilight?" Rainbow's voice is trembling slightly, despite her efforts to hide it. "I know I messed up. I was angry, I still am. But you didn't see her, how she was crying and begging." She raises her head and looks at me again, eyes filled with disdain. "For what he did to her..." She practically growls.
"Dash, you know that's not fair..." Rainbow's head snaps back at Twilight, her features lighting up with anger.
"Not fair? Not fair!?", she screams, making Twilight take a few steps back. She points her hoof at me. "How can you defend this!? After what he's done to us, to Scootaloo!? After all this time he still finds ways to hurt us!"
"Ya know damn well that wasn't his fault!"
"I know!" Rainbow hollers even louder before the room goes silent. She looks around at us, her eyes are wet and threatening to overflow. Taking a trembling breath, she lowers her head. "I know... But it doesn't stop it from hurting. I didn't mean to do it... Now I'm the villain... It's not fair, I just wanted to protect her..." She sniffs, a few tears splashing against the marble floor.
"Well, why didn't he say anything?" Rarity speaks up. Our attention turns from the crying pegasus to look at her, silently beckoning her to explain. She bites her lower lip and rubs one of her forelegs with the other, shifting uncomfortably. "Why didn't he tell anypony about Scootaloo? If he had not kept it secret, maybe none of this would have ever happened." Despite her words, she doesn't really sound like she's trying to shift the blame. She sounds unsure, like she's grabbing at straws. Everyone still turns their eyes to me though. I wilt under their gazes, even in the eyes that hold some sympathy for me, I can feel them questioning me, doubting me. I can't help but cast my eyes down to the bed.
"I thought you knew... That she had told someone, anyone..."
"And you didn't make sure?"
"I... I was too ashamed, I couldn't face her. Thought it was better to just stay away." I look at Rarity from the corner of my eye, I still can't fully face her. She is looking around ponderously at the floor, trying to think of something to follow up with. Failing that, she just closes her eyes and sighs. Rainbow lowers her head again, while the rest of the girls give me relieved looks. They might be glad I hadn't kept such a dark secret from them, but it also tells me that they truly thought that it was a possibility. I look away from them, not being able stop some resentment from rising in my mind.
It's all lies, all the talk about understanding, about forgiving. They know they can't do it. Why do they lead me on like this? Making me think things might change, only to doubt me first chance they get. I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore, I feel like I'm running desperately towards the light, yet keep falling deeper into darkness. This has to stop, one way or another.
"Please..." Rainbow whimpers, "can't you take this thing off of me... I'm not the bad guy... I'm not..."
"You are still charged with assault, Rainbow Dash." The guard who's so far kept a stoic vigil in the room finally speaks up, his voice is like thunder, deep and rumbling. "No matter who the 'victim' is, had it not been for the personal student of Princess Celestia vouching for you to be grounded and placed under watch until you have had the chance to explain your actions to the victim, then you would already be standing trial." He sounds authoritative and professional, but the way he says 'victim' tells me he is far from sympathetic to my side. I'm not surprised that I'm not popular with the guards either. I kept dashing their efforts to catch me during their manhunt, put a few of them in the hospital... And what I put their former captain, Shining Armor, through... They have reason to hate me.
"But I... I..."
"Dash, please understand. There is nothing we can do. It's the law." Twilight's voice is low and full of regret.
"Please, you can't lock me up... I can't live without flying..."
"Ah'm sorry, Dash, but we just can't bail ya out of this one..."
"How can you not have my back!? You know you've been hating his guts for months, now you're abandoning me!?"
"P- Please don't fight... No more fighting... Please..." Pinkie sounds like she's on the verge of crying openly at this point, constantly hiccuping and fighting back her sobs as hard as she can. I clench my eyes shut.
"Ah grew up." There is no small amount of bite in Applejack's voice as she says it. "And Ah ain't abandoning anyone! Ah just can't let this control me anymore. Ya need to let it go, Dash."
"And if it had been Apple Bloom, would you feel the same way!?" She has no rebuke for this, falling silent. The tension is building in the air, quickly reaching the breaking point.
Stop...
"Is... Is there really nothing we can do? Surely there must be something that can be done?"
"I'm afraid not, miss Rarity. We have already skirted the law enough just by letting her see him."
"Twilight, please!"
"I'm sorry, Dash, I don't know what else to say. You have to pay the price for your actions... It's just... It's just the way it has to be..."
"No! Please, she's sorry, aren't you, Dashie?"
"Ah haven't heard her say 'sorry' even once yet..."
"... stop..."
"I wasn't thinking, alright!"
"Ya almost killed 'im!"
"He wanted me to!"
The room goes deathly quiet, not even the sound of breathing can be heard. I can feel their eyes on me, but I can not bring myself to meet them, I just keep my eyelids shut, my jaw clenching as I grit my teeth together.
"What the hay are ya talkin' about?"
"When I... Stopped... He told me to finish it."
"That's crazy!"
"Applejack, please, I know this is a... delicate situation, but I do not think Rainbow is lying. And had she not brought help he might have..."
"Rarity, if it hadn't been for her he wouldn't even be in this..."
"STOP!" I roar out, ignoring the pain in my sore throat and broken bones. I just want them all to shut up. I glare around the room. All of them have moved a step or two away from me, their faces a combination of shock and fear. Only the guard is keeping his stoicism, though his posture is more cautious and alert. I look at each and every one of the girls, their hind legs are trembling slightly. I hate it. I hate seeing them looking at me like that. I let my eyes rest on Rainbow Dash, there are still fresh tears going down her cheeks. She shies away, lowering her posture as I look at her. The fear... All the time, the fear... With a calming breath, I turn to the guard, meeting his steely gaze with a neutral expression.
"Take the harness off." This finally breaks through his stoic face, as he stares at me slack jawed. The girls have similar expressions, shocked faces with disbelieving eyes. Nobody moves a muscle for what almost feels like a minute before the guard regains his composure.
"This mare has committed a serious..."
"I am dropping all charges." He stares at me again, even more dumbfounded. "If anyone asks, my wounds were self-inflicted." Rainbow has straightened herself up again, her tear-filled eyes just stare at me, her jaw hanging limply.
"You- You're really letting her go?" Twilight looks up at me, her face just as shocked, but there is also a hint of hope in her voice.
"Ya know ya could've died, right?" Applejack looks a bit more incredulous, but I hear the relief in her voice. She lifts up her hat from the floor and holds it in her front hooves. "Yer really forgiving her for what happened, just like that?" I look down at her, my eyes a bit more cold than I would've liked.
"Why not, you did the same for me, didn't you?" There is no way for me to hide the venom in my words. I can see it instantly on their faces that they understood the meaning behind the them, hanging their heads as their ears lay back against their heads. Applejack lifts her hat up, hiding her muzzle behind it, Twilight and Rarity just sort of let their eyes trail over the floor, Pinkie's mane deflates a bit more and Rainbow almost looks like she just got slapped, wincing as she turns her head away. I can't really look at them either, I did not mean to say it like that. I shouldn't blame them. I can't blame them. I look once more to the guard.
"Sorry to bother you, sir. Please remove the harness, then you can leave." As he picks up his jaw from the floor, he gives me a fairly unimpressed look. No longer beholden to keep up his veneer of professionalism now that his duty is finished, he is giving me a clear glimpse of his opinion of me through his face, giving me a contemptuous scowl. He turns to Rainbow, leans his head down, and from under his breastplate, he pulls out a small crystal tied with a string around his neck. Bringing the crystal closer to the harness, it gives off a small glow and hum. and the straps just unbuckle like they where spring loaded. Magically sealed, good way to make sure no one tries to remove it without permission. Releasing the crystal, the guard reaches out and grabs the harness with his teeth, and with all the straps loose it just slides right off Rainbows body when he pulls back.
The guard turns around, stops and gives one last sideways glance back at me, before he trots out of the room. The heavy beats of his armored hooves as he makes his way down the hallway is the only sound that can be heard before they too die down. We just sit there in the silence, none of us saying anything for what feels like an eternity. It is finally Rarity who breaks it as she clears her throat, giving one of her curls a light bob with her hoof as she regains her regal posture.
"Well, I'm glad this business could be resolved." She immediately receives glares from the girls, except for Rainbow, who's just staring dumbfounded at nothing.
"Rarity, we're all relieved Dash didn't have to stand trial..." Twilight starts but is interrupted by a derisive snort by Rainbow. She is giving angry sideways glances at Applejack.
"Everypony?"
"Dash..." The cowpony gives an exasperated sigh, placing her hat back on her head. "Ah didn't want to see ya get taken away, but Ah can't defend what you've done here..."
"What I've done? It's nothing compared to what's been done to us! And he got off scot-free!" She once again points a hoof in my direction.
"Ya know that ain't true! All of us have been hurting." She turns her head and looks at me, her green eyes full of sadness. "All of us..."
"Come now." Rarity's voice grows colder as she takes a few steps closer to Applejack, placing herself next to Rainbow. "It was a crime of passion, tempers flared and mistakes were made, surely we can put this incident behind us."
"Why? Because ya don't like 'im? It makes what happened all okay then?" Rarity actually shies away from that, though she tries her best to keep her composure. She gives an uncertain glance to the floor.
"N- no, of course not..." She can't meet Applejack's eyes, instead looking around the room with darting eyes, mostly in my and Rainbow's directions, biting her lower lip. "I mean...The blame cannot be fully placed on her, can it?" Twilight tilts her head to the side, trying to catch her eyes.
"What are you trying to say, Rarity?"
She keeps avoiding eye contact with anyone and tries again and again to say something, failing each time to find the right words. Eventually, she just lovers her head and sighs. "Nothing..."
During all of this, Pinkie has just been sitting in one spot, fighting to stop her sobs, but now and then, a small squeaky hiccup escapes her lips, and the tears just keep flowing as her eyes keep dashing back and forth between her friends. Her eyes finally rests on Rainbow, the pegasus meets them for a second before looking down at the ground. Pinkie rises from her spot and slowly walks towards her friend, who keeps her sight nailed to the floor. When she comes to a stop in front of her, all of our eyes are on them. The pink pony lowers her head, putting it level with Dash's, and tries to meet her eyes, with no success.
"Dashie..." Rainbow's wings twitch slightly at her pleading voice, her blue feathers ruffling by the movement. "Why can't you just say you're sorry? That's what you do, right? When you do something wrong, you apologize. Then maybe things can go back to how they used to be." Dash just keeps her head down, her eyes and teeth clenched shut hard.
"I can't..." Her whole body shudders as her voice trembles. She swallows hard before continuing. "I just can't... I can't forget it... Even before Scootaloo..." Her voice breaks, she takes a trembling breath and swallows again. "I wanted to hurt him, to make him feel the pain I felt. It's wrong, but I can't just let it go." She finally lifts her head and meets Pinkies gaze. Her eyes have fresh tears forming in the corners. "Don't you see, Pinkie? There is no going back... It can't be like it used to be..."
Pinkie stares at her with wide eyes, her mouth hanging open. Her lower lip starts to quiver, she presses her lips together to try and stop it, but all it does it make her entire mouth quiver as she starts making silent whines. Her blue eyes are puffy and wet, the whites have turned a deep pink color. Seeing her trying so hard to fight back any more tears is heart-breaking. All of the girls have tears in their eyes at this point. Twilight takes a step forward, as steady as she can on her shaky legs.
"Dash..." She doesn't get any further as Rainbow's wings flare up, everyone gasps as she gives one powerful stroke to launch herself across the room, a stream of teardrops following the arc of her leap. Landing in front of the window, she quickly throws it open, and with one more pounce, she is out. Spreading her wings again, she propels herself through the air, faster with each flap of her wings. "Dash, wait!" Twilight cries, but by the time she reaches the window, all that is left is a rainbow trail in sky. She gives a sigh and shakes her head, closing the window before turning around.
All eyes are once again on me. I can't look back at them, instead I look down at the bed again, wishing I could follow Dash's example and just run away from all of this. To just disappear and leave everything behind. That way, it would be better for everyone. They wouldn't have to worry about me, and I could just spend my remaining time in solitude. I hear Twilight sniff, looking at her I see her wiping her muzzle with her hoof before looking into my eyes with a downcast expression.
"She's just angry..." She starts.
"I'm not blaming her." I cut her off, stopping her attempts to excuse Rainbows actions. She gives me a sad, questioning look.
"What she did was wrong."
"It was understandable."
"Why are you defending her?" It is not Twilight that asks the question. Turning my head, I see Rarity looking at me with a confused look, not even she has managed to stop her eyes from tearing up. Her question did not sound accusing, she sounds like she's genuinely perplexed by my lack of outrage. Like she was expecting me to rant wildly at the situation. I don't answer her question. I don't have to, as Twilight makes her way back to Applejack's side and peer deep into me with sorrowful, purple eyes. I know the question is coming, even as she hesitates, trying to blink the tears away.
"Is what she said true?" I keep looking into those eyes, despite her efforts a few tears still escapes. "Did you tell her to finish it?" Silence once again fills the room. I think all of them are holding their breaths in anticipation. For a moment, I consider lying, trying to come up with excuses or anything to deflate the tension. Instead I sigh and lower my head.
"Yes..." Their eyes widen and they make silent gasps. Pinkie covers her mouth with her hooves. They all stare at me in wide eyed shock.
"Wh- Why would you do such a thing?" My own eyes begin to water as well when I look back at Twilight, tears flowing freely down her face.
"Because I'm tired.. Tired of all the pain, tired of hurting everyone around me. Of being the boogeyman who terrifies the town..." Some confusion mixes in with the sorrow as they look at each other, then back to me.
"What... What's a boogeyman?"
"The monster who hides under the children's beds" All of them lower their eyes, except Applejack. She keeps her gaze on me, trying to look composed as she frowns, but she has to struggle with her quivering lips while fighting the tears. Twilight lifts her hoof to her chest, laying it over her heart.
"Please... We can fix this... Together we can..." My eyes pierce into her, making her flinch. I bare my gritting teeth in a scowl. I've had enough of this.
"Stop! Just stop it!" The harshness of my voice makes her flinch again, along with Pinkie and Rarity. Only Applejack seems able to resist, still holding her eyes on me. "Stop kidding yourselves and stop lying to me! Rainbow was right, there is nothing that you, me or anyone can do! It's over, do you understand? It's over..." I take deep breaths through my gritted teeth. My chest hurts so much, everything has a slight blur obscuring my vision.
"So now what?" Applejack stares at me accusingly through teary eyes, a scowl of her own on her face. "Yer just wishing ya were dead, is that it?" We stare at each other, a silent battle of wills as we both glare into the other's soul. I want to tell her to back off and get out. I, however, lose this battle, she won't back down. My scowl fades away, the tears in my eyes finally breaking loose as I turn towards the window. Rainbow's escape has pushed the curtain aside, I can see Ponyville again. I look out over the buildings, the valleys just outside of it, past the Everfree Forest on its outskirts, the city of Canterlot resting majestically on the mountainside and the bright horizon beyond. I hate this view.
"I wish... I wish I had never come to Equestria..." I once again hear them gasp silently, I can see the reflections of their shocked faces in the glass.
"Y- You... -hic- You can't -hic- mean that!" Pinkie almost shrieks, her sobbing has turned into weeping. "Please, take it back! Take it back!"
"Please, Anon!" Applejack has finally lost her battle against her emotions, her voice unsteady from her crying. "We can't just give up, we're yer friends, we'll figure something..."
"No, Applejack..." My voice is quivering. No more lies, no more facades. "We are not friends... We haven't been friends for a long time... I can't live in this fantasy anymore... Please... Just leave me alone..."
"But.. But..."
"Come on, Applejack..." In the reflection, I can see Twilight walk over to her, her head hanging low. Her voice is quiet and choking on the tears, full of despair. She looks up at her friend, with pained, sorrowful eyes. "Let's go..." She says with a tone of defeat, once again lowering her head.
"No... No! We can't just... It can't end like..." She chokes before finally breaking down, her body slumps as she hangs her head, sobbing loudly between trembling breaths. Nothing more is said, all of us just sitting there, the room filled with the sobs of the girls. I just keep looking out the window, tears flowing down my face, but I do not sob or make a sound, my breathing slow and steady. I numb myself to their suffering, this is the way it has to be. Better for them to accept the truth than keep holding on to this foolish lie. Going on would just hurt them more in the end. Several minutes must have passed before I can see Pinkie's reflection in the window start to move towards the door. Her mane and tail have gone completely flat, if not for her coloring, you would never recognize her as the happy party mare. She stops and looks back at me, standing there like she's waiting for something, for me to say something maybe, to change my mind and tell her to stay. I keep my silence. A few more tears drop from her face to the floor. Rarity walks over to her, giving her a comforting nuzzle to the side of her face. They look at each other, then turn and walk out of the room.
Applejack's crying has died down, she keep glancing at me, maybe hoping for the same thing as Pinkie. Now and then I can see her open her mouth to say something, then immediately closing it again. Twilight places her hoof on her shoulder, looking into her eyes. Applejack again looks like she's about to say something, before releasing a quivering sigh. She turns around, and with Twilight at her side, they also start making their way to the door. When they reach the doorway though, Twilight stops and turns to me, I can just make out her tired, sorrowful eyes in the window.
"If you change your mind, you know where to find us. We'll be waiting for you." Her voice is so sad it makes my heart feel like it will sink down to my stomach, her spirit sounds like it's completely crushed. I don't say anything back to her, I don't even turn around to see her leave. The sound of the door closing is all that signifies that I am now alone.
Alone, like I always am.
I raise my hands to my face, burying it in them as the floodgates open. I cry and wail, my aching chest is slowly getting soaked by tears as waves of pain shoot out from it with every quiver and sob. With this final act, I have now released myself from this lie, this illusion of belonging, of friendship. I am free, and I am now well, and truly, alone. My vision becomes more blurry by the tears and the pain. There is a ringing in my ears, I can not even hear the heart monitor anymore. I can feel my heartbeat in my head, I feel like I need to vomit. Suddenly, the beating of my heart seems to be all around me, pulsing at me from all directions of the room.
Lifting my head from my hands, my body freezes as I stare in horror at the sight in front of me. The wall is covered in blood, flowing upwards in a web-like pattern. I could swear I was feeling the scent of sex and blood in the air. Slowly, the tendrils of blood warp and morph, changing shape into small figures, like twisted shadow puppets, enacting violent scenes, accompanied by the thumping of quick heartbeats. They are my nightmares.
A unicorn pressed against the edge of a bed.
A farmer tied up in a barn.
A teacher slammed down on her desk.
A pastry maker with her head forcefully pressed against the ground.
A small filly lying on a large bed, not even aware of what is about to happen.
And on and on and on, it keeps showing more and more. In in all of them, a humanoid figure looms over them, committing atrocities that have been burned into my memories. The figure turns it head towards me, and I stare into it's face. My face.
I clench my eyes shut, as tightly as I can, as I once again bury my face in my hands. In my mind, I scream, but not a single sound escapes my lips as I clench my jaw. Stop, it's not real. It's not real. It's not real. I have to get out of here, but I can't even stand. I'm trapped. The ringing in my ears suddenly stops. I release the breath I wasn't even aware I had been holding, panting hard and fast. It takes a few moments before I can lift my head from my trembling hands, almost to terrified to do so.
It's gone. The blood, the images, the sounds of ringing and heartbeats. Gone. I frantically turn my head from side to side, scanning every inch of the room, searching for any signs of what I just witnessed. My eyes stop on the table by my bed. I look over the flowers, the cards... And that muffin... Anger boils inside of me, cursing my life and whatever forces brought me to this world. I reach out, ignoring my body's screams of agony, placing my arm along the back of the table and with one swift motion, I throw the objects off the edge. The world almost seems to move in slow motion as I see them fall. The vases and plate shattering, petals shaking loose from flowers by the impact, and a muffin being squished and crumble under the remains of the plate.
I slump down on the bed, staring into the ceiling as I cry in my anguish.
Outside, the midday sun is shining down on Ponyville.