//------------------------------// // Twisted Sense of Humor // Story: Hey, It's Me // by TwilightUCrazy //------------------------------// The idea of the dance she had warmed up to. A sleepover at her apartment? Not so much. Rainbow hadn’t wasted time in running straight out the front door of the school to her car. She took off at probably the fastest recorded speeds ever for that particular parking lot, squeezing between a pair of buses so she wouldn’t have to wait for the inevitable line of traffic. She may have broken a few laws in doing so, but she managed to beat every other vehicle off the premises. Home was three minutes away out of traffic; two at the speeds she traveled. She whipped her car into her assigned space at a clumsy angle, and charged up the flight of stairs to the second floor. She bolted indoors and locked the front door tight, bolting the deadbolt, and frantically thrashed around the apartment, piling up her dirty clothes and sniffing at individual pieces to figure out what had been worn and what hadn’t been. “Man…” she muttered, frowning at the growing pile. “I really need to do laundry more often.” Sighing, she shrugged and just dropped it – one armful at a time – into the hamper, followed by her school uniform. Regardless of the number of curls she did, she couldn't pick up that many clothes at once. She barely managed to press the laundry closet shut and turned around, giving her kitchen a once-over. Seven plates, three saucers, a dozen mugs and cups, and more silverware than she could count littered every surface. None of that accounted for what she had left in the living room or bedroom. Hastily, she scrambled around the apartment, snatching up whatever stray dishes she could get her hands on and scrubbed each in the kitchen sink with her bare hands. “Really should have rented a place with a frickin' dishwasher!” she growled in agitation, flinging spoon after bowl after knife into the drying rack. She was halfway finished when the first knock came at the door. “Shit!” she spat, nearly totaling a plate against the edge of the sink in her surprise. Who the heck could that have possibly been? It hadn't even been half an hour since school let out! She stumbled towards the door, even as the door's latch unlocked, and the door popped open a fraction. “Hello?” Rainbow leaned and peered out the door. “Applejack?!” she nearly shrieked. The green-eyed girl grinned, dressed down in jeans, a button-up flannel shirt, her boots and her hat. “Howdy, pardner!” “Buuuuuhwh-what are you doing here?” she asked, stumbling over her words and recovering quickly. “Ah just ran home and grabbed mah toothbrush and a quick change. Big Mac dropped me off,” she explained. “Well, what about pajamas and clothes and stuff?” she squeaked nervously. The other girl smiled knowingly through the opening. “Well, if'n ya reckon back, Ah left some of mah clothes behind from our last sleepover. Ah figured ya had to've washed 'em by now, right?” Rainbow couldn't tell if the question was rhetorical or not, but she knew in her depraved little mind exactly where she had stored Applejack's clothes. And given the condition they were in, she wasn't sure she wasn't inclined to give them back... This whole day eats... she cursed herself nervously. “Anybody else here yet?” “N-no!” she replied. “And you shouldn't be here either!” “How come?” Applejack asked with a sinister little grin. Oh boy, was she out for revenge for earlier... “'C-cause it's... uh... early. Yeah, early.” She paused. “And dangerous.” Applejack quirked her eyebrow and set her hands on her hips. “Dangerous?” “Uhhh...” A pause. “Y-yeah. Dangerous. The uhh... party mix caught fire.” The two stared at each other. She had pitched, but her friend had called her bluff and didn't seem to buy into her excuse at all. “Also, I'm naked,” Rainbow said. Applejack crossed her arms over her chest. “Bye.” Quick as she could, she tried to slam the door in her friend's face. The metallic toe of a thick cowgirl boot interfered, however, blocking its closure. “Rainbow, open this dang door...” she growled threateningly. It was the kind of growl, Rainbow knew, that meant Applejack meant business, and there would likely be consequences if she didn't obey... consequences that likely would be worse than the humiliation of her home being of sub-par standards. Rolling her eyes in annoyance and pinching the bridge of her nose, she muttered, “Fine. But I'm gonna need my door back though.” As her friend slipped her boot out of the doorjamb, she briefly entertained the idea of just bolting the door and locking it again. With the spare key in her possession, however, she knew it would do nothing but make the farmgirl angry with her. While fun, it wouldn't exactly be starting their slumber party on the right foot, and that would drag down the possibilities for the evening. She unbolted the door and stepped aside, letting her friend in. Applejack gawked at her as she passed by and flushed a soft pink. “Ya coulda gone and pulled somethin' beside yer underwear on...” she said flatly. “Eh, you woulda been mad either way,” she shrugged, and padded off to her room to grab something a bit less revealing to wear. She heard the farmgirl whistle mockingly, faking how impressed she was with the condition of her home. “Boy howdy, Rainbow,” she said. She could envision her putting her hands on her hips as she got a good look around. “Did a tornado sweep through here or somethin'?” “Shut up,” she grouched, pulling on a pair of nylon shorts. Those and her sports bra were enough as far as she was concerned. “I was in the middle of cleaning until you-” she started, emerging from her room and pausing. “Hey!” she snapped, as she saw the blonde fling open the laundry closet. “Get out of there!” she huffed, shoving her aside and closing the closet firmly. “Dang, sugar, that looked like about a month of dirty clothes,” she commented. “How do you live like this?” “Oh I dunno,” she frowned, forcefully showing her friend the way out of the kitchen. “Maybe I'd do it better if I didn't have you coming in here and telling me how much of a screw-up I am.” “Ah didn't say you were a screw-up.” Applejack grinned playfully after her as she moved towards the couch. “Those were yer words.” “You were thinkin' it,” she replied, pulling the pillows and blankets off the sofa. She swept dried food particles off the cushions and threw everything in a heap on the floor. “There. Have a seat,” she said, returning to the kitchen to keep on with the dish-washing. She felt a presence to her left a moment later. The farmgirl had stepped up to the sink and reached for a dish. “Hey, quit it,” she snapped. “What?” she asked casually, ignoring the demand. “You're the guest. This is my house,” she huffed, snatching the dish away. Applejack snatched it right back. “Yeah, and Ah'm also a guest who likes to visit under livable conditions,” she smiled. “So are you gonna keep fightin' me and take even longer to clean up, or are you gonna let me help and get it done in half the time?” Rainbow glowered and flushed a faint pink. “If I wanted a wife, I would've married you already,” she muttered grumpily. Her friend silently smirked and continued right on helping. Another half hour passed and a large load of wash had been finished, the couch cushions had been sprayed, the floors swept, and the dishes stowed away. She finally walked into her bedroom to find Applejack making her bed, and she couldn't help but nibble on her lower lip. “So, uhh... thanks.” The farmgirl looked up at her. “Ah'm sorry,” she smirked. “Did Ah just hear Rainbow Juniper Dash thank somebody for doin' her a favor?” Rainbow Dash covered her blushing face, shaking her head at the mention of her embarrassing middle name. “Don't do that.” Applejack chuckled. “Didja remember to add another load 'o colors?” She stared at her as if she had spoken a foreign language. The blonde shook her head and sighed with a sympathetic smile. “Sit down, honey. Ah'll do it,” she said in exasperation, moving past her and back towards the kitchen. The second knock came around then and Rainbow slid past her friend across the kitchen counter, bouncing off one of the barstools and unlatching the door. Rarity stood at the front carrying a small duffle bag – full of her beauty products, no doubt – and was flanked by Fluttershy and Twilight. “Come on in,” she said smugly. “Make yourselves at home.” Rarity entered first, casting her eyes around the room, followed by Fluttershy and Twilight. A look of mild disappointment crossed the fashionista’s face as she dropped her bag next to the couch and settled into a barstool. “Hmm,” she said suspiciously. “I'm impressed, darling. You've certainly picked up your housecleaning skills since we stayed here last,” she said, fixing Applejack with a wicked little smile as she prepared an actual party mix in the kitchen. Rainbow chuckled nervously. “Y-yeah. Sorry to disappoint." The blonde quirked an eyebrow at her from the other side of the counter, but mercifully said nothing. “EXTREME TWISTER!” Pinkie Pie shouted from the door, dragging in what looked like one of those forty-five pound military rucksacks, if far more decorated than any rucksack. Everybody looked her way as she lugged he heavy bag on her back into the living room and dropped it to the floor without a hint of sheen on her forehead. Twilight stared in stark amazement. “Pinkie... is that all just party supplies?” “Yup!” she chirped cheerfully. She then blinked. “Oh shoot, I forgot to pack clothes and toiletries...” she frowned. The rest of the group rolled their eyes collectively and took up seats on the three-wide sofa. *** “Can somebody spin for me please?” Twilight grunted, her arms twisted in a corkscrew above her head. “My biceps are starting to cramp…” Twilight was at the other end of the mat, struggling to remain upright with her stiff, untrained joints. Pinkie had become a human pretzel, amazingly enough, and Rainbow shifted a bit. She formed an X with Applejack, who was arched over facing skyward, while, Rainbow formed a bit of a pretzel on her own just beneath her. “Okay, Twilight!” Pinkie chirped, reaching from her stance and giving a spin. “Truth or dare?” “Truth!” she shouted quickly and uncomfortably. “Okay, Truth. Umm… let me see here…” she muttered, spinning the color spinner. “Pinkiiiie!” the other girl’s arms started to tremble. “Okay! Right arm red. Let’s see…” She drew one of her little cards from the appropriate stack, while Twilight strained to stay upright. “Okay, here’s the question! Have you ever-” The sound of a heavy thud resounded through the floor as the other girl collapsed with a grunt to the floor and an exasperated whimper. “Ohw, my arms…” she whined. “Aww, this was a good one too!” Pinkie pouted, tossing the card aside. “Don’t fret too much, darling,” Rarity said from the couch as she worked on Fluttershy’s hair. “You were never going to compete with those three anyway.” “Hey, I’ve been working out!” Twilight objected as she marched away from the game area. “Working what out?” Rainbow smirked from her upside down position, tossing her head to remove some of the multihued strands of hair from her vision. “Your eye muscles?” “Fingers, probably. She’s at that dang ‘ol laptop of hers all the time,” Applejack snickered. “Heeheeheehee!” “Hey, I have weights at my computer desk!” She ran a hand through her purple hair and plopped with a huff down onto the sofa. “Okay! Twilight’s out!” Pinkie smiled and spun again. “Rainbow Dash! Your turn!” Rainbow felt a wicked smile slide over her teeth. “Dare me, Pinks.” “Right leg blue…” The swipe of cardstock. “Rainbow Dash! You are hereby dared to remove one article of clothing without falling!” She couldn’t help the hopeful grin she wore. “From anybody?” she asked playfully, reaching up and nudging Applejack’s side with her nose. “Hey now…” “No, silly! From yourself!” “Darn. I thought the game had finally gotten interesting there for a second,” she snorted. Twisting a leg up, Rainbow maneuvered underneath the blonde, reached forward with her opposite hand, and with a precarious balance, plucked a sock off her foot. After a momentary pause, she smiled and tossed the article up onto Applejack’s arched and exposed belly. “Yaigh!” the farmgirl squeaked, nearly losing her balance and almost taking them both out of the game. “Hey! That’s cheatin’! You can’t touch the other players!” “I didn’t touch you!” Rainbow protested wickedly. “My sock did!” “That’s true!” Pinkie cheered gleefully. “She didn’t! She totally didn’t!” “Heheh. Careful, AJ. You’re lookin’ kinda wobbly there!” Applejack turned her gaze downward and flashed her with an angry blush before rolling her eyes in aggravation. “My turn!” Rainbow exclaimed, licking her lips and reaching skillfully back underneath Applejack over to the spinner. A quick flick. “Hmm, left hand yellow.” She aligned her hand with the correct circle. “Alright. Truth or Dare, cowgirl?” A sigh. “Ah, what the heck? Dare me, sugarcube.” An eager sweat glistened on Rainbow’s brow as the effort of staying upright for so long had started taking its toll on her. She was in phenomenal shape and had incredible endurance, but Applejack was no slouch either, and Pinkie Pie was made of rubber or something. These games tended to last awhile between the three of them. “Something tells me you’re going to regret that, Applejack,” Twilight giggled. Rainbow ignored her and reached for the stack of cards. She swiped her brow with her forearm and felt a grin crawl across her cheeks as she read the text. Oh, life is so sweet... “Hey, AJ… guess what you’ve gotta do!” Applejack fidgeted over her. “Whatever it is, it can’t be good with that tone…” “Turn over... again, without falling.” Rainbow loved the feeling of Applejack falling into embarrassing situations, only to go and bail her out of them. It made her look like a hero in the process and she likened herself unto one of those hunky movie action stars who rode in to save the girl and the day... but mostly the girl. But sometimes opportunity struck in just the perfect way, and instead of being the hero riding to her rescue in shining, white armor, she got to have the fun of being the cackling villainess. From the way Applejack was positioned, the dare would have her rolling over to face her. To keep her hands in their appropriate places on the mat, she would have to wrap her arms around her neck, and her legs around her lower torso. It would be awkward for certain – at least for one of them – but oh so hot at the same time. “You can't be serious... that ain't one of the dares, is it, Pinkie?” “Sure is!” she grinned widely, still pretzeling to herself effortlessly. “It's supposed to be a really, really hard one!” “Ugh...” the farmgirl groaned hauling herself up high enough to where she could rotate. Rainbow watched in amusement as she teetered on the brink of taking them both to the floor and handing Pinkie the win. In truth, she would have liked nothing more than to finally topple the pink-maned party animal, but if it involved collapsing to the ground entangled in the blonde's embrace, she probably wouldn't make as huge a deal out of it as usual. “You can do it Applejack!” cheered Twilight from the sidelines. Even Rarity and Fluttershy had taken a break from their grooming session to watch. Grunting, the farmgirl rotated her shoulders, slipping her right arm beneath her, followed by the left. Her legs were a more difficult story, and Rainbow couldn't hide the teasing smile. “Heya, good-lookin'! Come here often... or just come often?” she chirped, waggling her eyebrows. “Shuddup,” Applejack grunted trying to adjust her legs. The sweat that had dripped from her forehead onto the mat combined with her stockinged feet, however, betrayed her balance, and with a surprised yelp, she crumpled to the ground, taking Rainbow Dash down to the floor with her. The pair landed in a pile together with a soft “oof”. “Wheeeee!” Pinkie cheered, unraveling herself from her spot on the mat and standing up, throwing her arms into the air. “Winner, and still undefeated champ!” While Twilight, Rarity and Fluttershy applauded Pinkie's retention of her title, Rainbow couldn't have cared much less. She and Applejack lay crumpled on the ground together, before she broke out into a laugh and just lay back, enjoying the moment. “Huh... I must be an AJ magnet,” she said with a wink. “Didn't Ah just tell you to shut up?” the blonde said, stuffing her hat over her face. “Hey, it's me!” Rainbow shrugged, pulling back the cowgirl's hat and placing it on her head with as charming a smile as she could offer. “I had to say something smart!” Slowly, her friend's sour attitude melted away in favor of a warm series of giggles. “That's implyin' you ever said anything smart to start with.”