//------------------------------// // Chapter 18 // Story: Princess Luna's Suicide Solutions // by kudzuhaiku //------------------------------// The air was filled with the blood-like twang of copper and the rotten egg stench of sulphur. It clung to the nose, violated the sinuses, and left a foul flavour on the tongue. “You get used to it,” Holly said helpfully, easing into a spring. There were two pools. One shallow one carved into a basin of rock that was fed with a steady trickle of water, and one deep one that most of the adults were climbing into. Shortbread Cookie was snoozing on a folded blanket, a flood of drool soaking a dark spot into the fabric. Around them was a low stone wall for privacy and some thickets. There were other springs nearby. Gas lamps burned at the gated entrance for this particular set of pools. Fireflies lazily flew through the air. “I think I’ll go with the foals,” Noctilucent said, realising the deep pool was full of mares. One middle aged mare, one rather old mare, one very old mare, and Quirky. “Oh no, you are not getting away that easily,” Princess Luna said, lifting Noctilucent in a blue glow. She dropped him into the hot water gently. The water was hot. And soothing. So very soothing. It was deep enough that only his head poked out, and the warm mineral rich water began to soak into his injured wing. Noctilucent, not realising that he was doing so, closed his eyes and let out a long low moan. Realising what he had just done a moment later, his eyes flew open wide and he wanted nothing more than to die from embarrassment right there on the spot. “You’re so adorable. The way you endured Cactus Blossom harassing you about kissing me was just so sweet,” Quirky said, casting a glance at Cactus Blossom, who was sitting in the shallow pool looking very satisfied with herself. “You heard that huh?” Noctilucent groaned. “Yeah, we heard it,” Holly replied. “Had a good quiet laugh about it too.” Noctilucent whimpered. “You are very sweet and patient with foals,” Holly praised. “I am very glad to have your help. Thank you.” “You should thank Princess Luna,” Noctilucent suggested. “I do, every day,” Holly replied. “You seem under some distress,” Lethe observed. “Yes he does,” Quirky teased. “Look at him, his white spots turn pink,” Princess Luna observed. “They sure do,” Quirky confirmed. “He’s so innocent,” Holly commented. “Observing an introvert in a trying social situation is so fascinating,” Lethe quipped. “Oh look, observe his ear movements, I do believe his sympathetic nervous system is having a reaction right now, triggering his fight or flight instincts. He cannot fly away and I sincerely doubt he has any desire to do us any harm. I do believe he is stuck suffering sensory overload in a very awkward situation with us. How interesting.” “Yes, it is,” Princess Luna agreed, nodding. “So, about that kiss that Cactus Blossom harangued you about,” Quirky quipped. “You don’t want to kiss a pretty mare?” Noctilucent lowered his head in the water until only his nostrils, eyes, and ears were visible. “She is pretty,” Princess Luna agreed. “And young,” Holly observed. “And she has a fantastic pair of teats! Wonderful accessories for foal rearing,” Lethe added, causing Quirky to turn maroon. “So about that kiss,” Quirky insisted. “No!” Noctilucent cried, raising his snoot about the water to protest and then submerging again. “Aw,” Quirky groaned in disappointment. The mares all chuckled and the foals stopped what they were doing and watched, wondering what was so funny, except for Cactus Blossom, she had heard everything. “So relaxing,” Lethe murmured. She leaned over a bit and a stream of bubbles slowly rose up to the surface and popped. “Lethe!” Quirky chided. “Meh, I am old,” Lethe said, offering no apology. “And lactose intolerant. Real shame I love cheese as much as I do.” “Well, it certainly cannot smell any wor- whoah! I take that back, it certainly can smell worse,” Princess Luna said, glaring at Lethe. “Congratulations Lethe, you made a sulphur spring smell even worse.” “Still not as bad as Cactus Blossom,” Holly said, clearly not impressed. “I always figured she’d get a cutie mark for farting.” “Settling down Noctilucent?” Lethe asked. The still flustered pegasi nodded slightly, his white ear still pink. The stars began to twinkle overhead, the sky taking on the deep royal purple of night as the final glow of sunlight faded over the horizon. Already, the air had begun to cool slightly, and it would be chilly on the walk home. “You know, I’ve never actually been kissed,” Quirky confessed. “Well, once or twice on the cheek, but you know what I mean.” “I was married for a very long time. And then, my husband died,” Lethe said. “I was glad to see him go. He had terrible rheumatoid. He suffered badly in the end. He was the first pony I kissed, all the way back in primary school. I was still in my single digit age range.” “Wow,” Holly said. “Must have been some kiss.” “He sneezed as he kissed me, covering me in snot,” Lethe said, looking just a little melancholy as she spoke. “He spent the rest of the day being my slave trying to make up for it.” “That is so romantic,” Quirky quipped, swooning as she spoke. “I’ve had a few good kisses,” Holly said. “But my job and the fact that I am sterile sends most stallions fleeing.” She puffed out her cheeks and sighed. There was a squeal from the pool with the foals playing in it. Sassafrass it seemed, was splashing Biscuit. The adults watched, waiting to see if intervention was necessary. Biscuit it seemed, had changed a bit, was giving back as good as he got. Sassafras retreated and behaved herself. “Poor Sassy, she doesn’t have lips. She’ll never know what it is like to be kissed,” Holly said in a sad motherly voice. “I wonder if that is why the griffons as a whole race tend to be so warlike,” Noctilucent said, raising his head above the waterline. “I mean, the males, barbed penises... and no lips. Not much chance for affection for them. Really sad to think about. No wonder they're in such bad moods. I know what not being laid has done to me,” he added, feeling emboldened just enough to be honest. “Pent up sexuality channeled into aggression… Noctilucent, you have good insight. You should do something with it,” Lethe said, her tone warm and sincere. “Uh, thanks,” Noctilucent said, feeling peculiar. His brain began to fill with thoughts. He looked at Quirky for a moment and felt an odd feeling. I should do something with my insight he thought to himself. But what? What can I do with my self? My insight? And how do I do something to help Cactus Blossom? And what of the others? They’re all so hurt. I can’t do anything to help myself right now, because I don’t know what to do… Noctilucent’s internal dialogue distracted him. All around him, he heard ponies talking. Laughing. I am in a good spot to make changes he realised within his mind. All of my needs are being taken care of. I have nothing pressing to worry about like rent or paying bills. I need only to focus on self improvement and I’ve always done that through helping others before everything went wrong he thought to himself. But I don’t know how to help them. Noctilucent was lost within his own mind now, staring off vacantly, listening to his own internal voices, something that had once been frequent, but then the voices had gone silent, and he had lost direction in his life. His ears heard more laughing. Squealing giggling foals. Feminine voices talking. His brain registered very little of it. This isn’t like comforting a sick and dying foal, these foals needed to be fixed somehow, made whole he thought to himself, flogging his now focused intellect for results. So first off, I need to figure out ho-“HmmmmmMMMmmph!” Noctilucent could still taste Quirky on his lips. He stared blankly at her. “You looked distracted and I took my chance,” Quirky explained. “You’re handsome when you are thinking and Holly put me up to it. Lesson about Quirky number one. Never leave me unsupervised.” “His ear is almost puce coloured,” Lethe observed. “Subject one appears to be confused and aroused.” “That was a pretty good first kiss actually,” Quirky quipped. “Well, I think so, I have nothing to compare it to.” “Noctilucent, speak to me,” Princess Luna said. Noctilucent could not reply. He smacked his lips a few times, they felt odd, kinda numb and tingly. He tried to formulate some coherent thought and found that he could not. “Subject one is now dazed and struggling to return to a more cognisant state of mind. Subject two is suffering from increased blood flow to the lips, causing puffy fullness, fluctuating pupils, and glassy eyes, indicating an extreme increase in arousal levels,” Lethe observed. Princess Luna nodded as Quirky blushed, her pearlescent pelt turning pink. “That was…” Noctilucent began, but was unable to finish. “Something,” Quirky finished. “There. Now things don’t have to be awkward. I’ve had my first kiss, and you have had your first kiss, and now you don’t have to be so weird around me.” “Quirky, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but he is an introvert and you are clearly an extravert. He is always going to be ‘weird’ around you,” Lethe explained. “How do you fix that?” Quirky asked. “You can’t fix being an introvert,” Lethe said patiently. “Oh. Well, that’s alright I suppose. Adds to his charm,” Quirky said, staring at the still blushing pegasus who was staring right back at her. “I wonder what else he’ll be sweet and shy about,” she asked suggestively, waggling her eyebrows. “Oh, everything you are thinking of and more,” Lethe said helpfully. “Ah, to be young and reckless again,” Holly said, watching the foals. “They are starting to tire out it looks like. I’d say it was about time to pack up and head home soon.” The foals lay tucked in their cots, some of them already sleeping. There was a lingering stink of rotten eggs throughout the orphanage. Lethe had gone home, taking Shady Patch with her, and Quirky had come for a final feeding, and to have any extra milk pumped out and stored away. Princess Luna remained at the orphanage, ready to stand watch all night. Noctilucent felt much better after the soak in the hot springs. His wing joint didn’t feel as swollen and much of the throbbing had been reduced. He settled into his bed, thinking about the kiss that had been sprung on him, and feeling rather good about it. He drifted off to sleep, not even realising he had slipped into comfortable oblivion. Holly slipped quietly into his room, pulled his blanket over him carefully, kissed him on his head, and then whispered “goodnight” as she departed. The dream realm awaited. Noctilucent found himself in the hospital of his memories once again. The place looked like it was being repaired. It was still a mess, but somehow, it looked better. He strode down empty corridors, feeling nervous and afraid. He knew what had happened here the last time. Even as he watched, things were being repaired. A window reformed from shards of glass on the floor. Broke tiles fixed themselves. Ahead of him, he heard the clopping of hooves on the tile floor. He felt terrified. From around a corner, he saw another version of himself step out, and Noctilucent froze in place, hoping that Princess Luna would arrive soon. “Do not be afraid,” the other Noctilucent said. “What are you?” Noctilucent asked of himself. “I am you. Well, part of you. Things are looking grim in here. We’re all splitting up and breaking apart. Things aren’t right, not since that part of you broke off and went off on a rampage,” the other Noctilucent replied. “So you are me,” Noctilucent said, trying to understand. “Sort of,” the other Noctilucent replied. “Come on out Little Me!” Noctilucent watched as his foal self came out from around the corner. Both of the figures had cutie marks. Other Noctilucent was dark and just slightly off somehow. Miscoloured. “What part of me are you?” he asked of himself. “I am your Shadow Noctilucent. I am your strength. Part of me is your darkness, but I am so much more than just darkness. I am a vital part of your nature. I am what makes you a pegasus. I am your brutish inner strength and the source of where your protective instincts come from. Isn’t that right Little Me?” Shadow Noctilucent explained to Noctilucent and then asked of Little Me beside him. Little Me nodded. “I’ve been keeping him safe since part of you fractured off and went off on a rampage. Your inner foal was hurt pretty badly, and his safe place is gone. I don’t know what to do with him, so I’ve been keeping an eye on him in case anything else happens,” Shadow Noctilucent explained. “Can you even face that thing… that… whatever it was?” Noctilucent asked himself. “Oh, you have no idea what I am capable of if a foal is threatened. Or you for that matter. I am you, remember that. Pegasi have long protected ponykind from so many dangers." “Hello?” a voice called out, sounding afraid. “Come on out, it is safe, we were just having a chat,” Shadow Noctilucent cried out to the voice. A moment later a figure came into view. She was female, and looked just like Noctilucent. She also had a cutie mark. “Hi,” she said shyly. “And you must be the feminine part of Noctilucent’s mind,” Shadow Noctilucent guessed. She Noctilucent nodded. “Hi there you adorable little foal!” she said to Little Me, who ran over to be with her. “My head is full of broken off versions of me,” Noctilucent said. “Good thing I know a psychologist.” “You’re funny,” She Noctilucent said fetchingly. She sat down on her haunches and hugged Little Me to her barrel. “How many more of me are there?” Noctilucent asked of himself. “I don’t know, but I will keep them safe,” Shadow Noctilucent answered with a commanding voice that Noctilucent seemed to lack. “Oh look, you are taking the first step towards loving yourself.” Noctilucent watched as She Noctilucent began to hug and squeeze Little Me. She cuddled and cradled the foal in her forelegs, humming and singing some kind of lullaby. “There were too many barriers before. She couldn’t reach him, and he couldn’t reach her. Just look at them,” Shadow Noctilucent said, sounding pleased. “If something harms either one of them, I will rip their heads off and rut their still spurting neckhole!” “WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE!” She Noctilucent scolded. Shadow Noctilucent cringed and looked guilty. “When you see Quirky next time, tell her how much you appreciate her,” She Noctilucent advised, now happy and calm again. “You are about to see Luna very soon. She is entering your mind as we speak. Tell her about us. Try to open the deepest parts of your mind to her. Let her in. She is the only one that can help us I think,” Shadow Noctilucent said. “And tell Luna thank you for helping you. She is like your mother, so stop hating her for helping you, you insensitive -ahem-” She Noctilucent scolded.