1.
Applejack slowly walked towards the centre of Ponyville. In her saddlebag she had an old number of Equestria Daily. She always carried that one around to remind herself. It was a tough thing to understand. Her best friend and rival was no more. Death was no a stranger to Applejack, but when it happened to someone close... well... you never can tell how you're going to react. And so, she always carried the newspaper. To remember...and look straight into the face of fact.
Rainbow Dash was dead. It was four weeks ago today. Dash had been playing the hero, as always. And, she did save the lives of three foals. But at the cost of her own.
Their circle of friends had been split and broken. Pinkie had become Pinkamena and refused to do anything other than funerals. Rarity had taken her marefriend Fluttershy with her and moved to Canterlot. Applejack thought of herself as one pony who didn't let these thing affect her but she had to face the fact that she buried herself in work so she could avoid the truth. So she could pretend it was just...temporary.
But she had to come through at some point. And she did. And she started to work on Pinkie. She was coming along a bit. And Fluttershy took care of Rarity. The four of them where on their way back.
But...But the worst case was Twilight. Not surprising,being Rainbow Dash's marefriend she would be the one taking the most damage. And to say Rainbow was the big love of her life was the biggest understatement in the world. Rainbow was Twilights life. Alpha and Omega. Rainbow was the one who made Twilight come out of the closet, and she also was her first real lover. She lived, she breathed, and she ate Rainbow Dash and her thoughts and opinion on life. They hadn't understood how much of Twilights view of the world was based on Rainbow.
Her whole existence had crashed, along with Rainbow Dash.
Applejack hadn't really understood this until quite recently when she realized she hadn't seen Twilight around for some time. Days passed, and a thing that seemed understandable at first became more and more strange and eccentric. In the beginning she had told herself that Twilight was the strong, most sound pony of them all. She would work her way through it all, but... The first time she had seen her at the funeral... Twilight had been a wreck.
She had assumed that Twilight wasn't more hurt than any one of them, but as time passed, apparently that was wrong.
There had to be no more denial, Applejack had to be honest with herself. Something was wrong with Twilight. Very very wrong. But... after all the trouble she had bringing Pinkie back...she wasn't sure she was as strong as she needed to be to help Twilight.
When she realized that Twilight was the most hurt of them all, she felt like she had betrayed her friend. Still, she had kept on, hoping it would pass. But nothing changed, and after avoiding the problem for a few more days, something HAD TO be done, and she decided she needed to pay her a visit.
"Ah hope ahm not gonna regret dis now..."
Applejack knocked on the door of the library. It took some minutes, then Spike opened the door. He looked extremely tired. And Applejack was ashamed. It was actaully the first time she had visited the library since the accident. And she knew none of her friends had paid a visit either. They only met Twilight at the funeral and even then, she didn't talk to any of them. Not anypony else either. They had abandoned her, but at the same time, she had isolated herself as well. So, what were the first word Applejack choose to sa when she now stood in front of the library, trying to make amends, having not shown herself for almost a month?
"Hiya, Spike."
"Hi AJ."
...
The moment Spike opened the door, Applejack stomach decided to shrink. Now that she was here, what was there to say? She felt the struck of guilt again, but Spike looked at her with his usual expression. That made her calm down a bit, but it didn't really help her finding the words. Well, a direct approach was usually the best, so...
"Well... alright, no reason to beat around the bush. Ahm sorry ah haven't been around more. How is she?"
"Well, I can't lie to you AJ. She's Bad, AJ...very bad."
"Thought so... how long has it been? Two weeks? Ah haven't seen her since the funeral."
"Yeah...She rarely was outside before, and she hasn't left the library since she came back from it. Honestly, I never thought she would go at first."
Applejack was taken a back from Spikes words. Two weeks...and then two moore. Had it really been so long? But Twilight wouldn't mind, would she? She'd understand that... it takes some time to get yourself together. But on the other hand... with a control freak like Twi thrown out in chaos... no. This was not going to be a smooth affair.
"Oh...ehrm...two weeks... ehm...What exactly is she doing in there?"
"She's reading."
Applejack still didn't know what to say really. But...something...at least?
"Reading?...well... that's good isn't it? That's what she usually does."
"No, you don't understand. That's the only thing she does. No sleeping, no eating... almost nothing else either. She reads."
"Oh for the love of...That's... that's..."
"Yep...She's totally lost it."
Applejack was a mare of action, and this was a situation that needed a solution quick.
"Ah better go in and have a talk..."
Spike blocked the door, quickly, nervously waving his claws at Applejack.
"Not a good idea, AJ. I know you mean well... but Twilight...can't see anyone. She screams. She fights... She...she almost attacked Princess Luna when she tried to reason with her three days ago. And it's basically only because I promised Princess Celestia to not let anyone near her that she didn't throw her to Tartarus. I don't know what to do right now but to save Ponyville from her!"
"But...But...she can't stay like that! She must...yer have to talk to her. Something needs to be done! Doesn't she listen to yer?"
"I tried. She won't listen to anypony"
"She will break down."
"She's already broken AJ. Her eyes are hollow, there is nothing left in there. She's a maniac, she scrools through endless books of magic. And when she finished them all, she started from the very beginning. And now..."
"But why? Does she want to keep her mind busy or what?"
Spike shook his head.
"No. She thinks of Rainbow all the time. She's...researching. She's trying to find a way...to get her back."
Applejack gasped. That was the absolutely last thing she expected. And it made her equally sad, upset and urgent to throw up. This was...bizarre. No, it was worse than bizarre, it was just...just...
"To...get...her...BACK? But...that's...that’s insane! That's...impossible! That's just...gross!"
"Yep. It is."
"Does...the princesses know?"
"Why do you think Luna was here?"
"But... yer must have tried..."
"I told you AJ. I have tried. But nothing gets through. She has built her self a wall. She only has two modes, either she's dead silent or..."
Suddenly a cry flew through the air. It sounded like a howling, and it was heart-breaking to hear. It was followed by a high-pitched and equally sad sobbing.
"RAAA-AAA-AAA-AIIIN-BOOOO-OOO-OOOW! RAAHHHHAHHH-AAHHHHA-AAAHHHH-AIIIN-BOOOO-OOOHHH-OOOHHHHW! "
"Was that..."
"Yep. That's the other mood. And it means that she dozed off for a minute. And when she does, she always have nightmares. Sorry, AJ, but I have to look after her. And...AJ..."
"Yeah?"
"It was nice of you to stop by. I really appreciate it. I understand that this is really tough for you to, I don't blame you for dealing with yourself. I just...miss you all. I hope this will soon be over."
Spike closed the door behind him. Applejack just stood there, staring at the door. She had come to look after her friend, to try to make amends. Trying to mend some cracks. But Twilight was beyond that. Whatever help she needed, Applejack wan't the pony to give it to her. She had never felt more empty before in her whole life.
"Yer know what...Ah doubt this will ever be over. We didn't only loose Rainbow. We lost Twilight as well."
...
Coming down to the basement of the library, Spike found Twilight where he left her. She was laying on a pile of papers, hay, and excrements. She looked like she'd been bathing in dust and mud, and she smelled..
I know it's a bad thought, but it's sort of good that she doesn’t eat...change the hay is easier without the manure...
"Twilight...I'm here. What is it?"
"THERE IS NO-OH-OH-THING in these books! Nothing!"
"Twilight...please...you need to..."
"I will never give up! NEVER! Giving up is for quitters! She wouldn't want me to be a quitter!"
Spike looked at her friend and caretaker. Applejacks words and worried expression flew through his mind. Had he really tried to talk to her? REALLY tried to get through, really trying to break that wall? To be honest, no... He had been grieving as well. He wasn't really a dragon of feelings, and he couldn't handle someponys sorrow, especially when it was as huge as Twilights. He to had hoped that it all would be over soon. But then Twilight started to freak out... and he had been scared. He only wished she would keep calm and silent and not hurt him. He tried to keep her clean, and to make her eat something but that was all. And he saw what happened to others who tried... Luna... He was scared for what Twilight miht do, but AJ was right. Somepony HAD to try to break through. And he was the only one who could. He was the only one she let near her...but what to say? How to start?
"...I don't think she would have wanted you to behave like this either. It's not...healthy."
"Like I care of my own health..."
Spike pulled a deep sigh, and then he began.
"Please Twilight...your friends are worried about you."
Twilight frowned.
"Oh, are they? THEN WHY THE HAY AREN'T THEY HERE TO HELP?"
He was walking on thin ice, and he didn't really know what to say.
"Well...you never let them in..."
"Oh...yeah...right... I LET MY FRIENDS DOWN AS WELL! I AM THE WORST PONY EVER!"
Ok, that was a new development... I can't talk to here like this, she needs to calm down"
"Now Twilight...try to get some real sleep, ok? I know you want to do your best, but... without sleep, you'll never...get through. If you don't sleep...you...you...you never get the strength to do a proper research!"
I can't believe I'm actually saying this to her...But she needs to behave...If I play along, she might actually get better.
"Come one Twilight... You need to be strong...for her..."
Twilight stopped crying for a while, and looked like she was going to doze off again. Then, she quickly opened her eyes, and rose to her legs. She rushed in panic back and forth over the floor...until she finally ran in to a bookshelf. The books rained down on her and one hit her in the head.
"Stupid Natural Science to stand there...what good has science ever done to ponies..."
Twilights eyes fixed at one of the books on the floor. The one that hit her head. She took it up, and examined it close.
"I heard about this one" she mumbled. "But...hmmm..." Twilight opened the book and read some of it. Then some more. Spike watched her silently. There was a new glow in her eyes. Something was awakening inside of her. For hours she read the same book, until she finally spoke. And when she did, she surpriced him more than he believed was possible.
"...you know what Spike? Go outside. You need some air."
Spike stared. Ok, that book had made impact, but...
"Twi... are you sure...I" Spike stammered.
"GET OUT OR I KILL YOU!"
...
Spike left the library with great trepidation. Only the fact that Twilight actually held a knife in her magic grip made him to leave. This was just...not strange, totally wacky! He wanted things to change, but this quick? And a total hoofturn? Keeping him close for weeks and then over the course of hours, she changes just to threw him out? Threating him with a knife?
He noticed that other ponies avoided him. Not strange at all really, but disturbing. Well, this day had been enough. The emotional rollercoaster was to much, and he couldn't make himself care. Twilight today, Ponyville tomorrow. At least now they had tea again.
An even more grotesque and odd view awaited him when he returned.
The basement had been cleaned. The books were back on the shelf. No smell, no dirt, no smudged hay... nothing. And no Twilight! Then he heard a snore. He found Twilight in her own bed. She was clean, and apparently she had eaten something.
What the HAY has happened to her... you don't change from freaked out to calm just like that...you don't. But if there is something she needs more than anything, there is sleep. I'll talk to her in the morning...
And the morning after, Twilight was a different pony. She ate, she washed up, and she went out! Spike could hardly believe his eyes. What in the world had happened? But Twilight didn't explain herself, neither to him, nor her friends. She just said that everything was going to be good again soon. Spike wasn't satisfied with that explanation, but when he had been asking to many questions, Twilight had snapped at him an brought the knife back. So he kept his mouth shut. Applejack had also been suspicious, but she didn't get anything out of Twilight either. And Celestia had paid her visits almost every day to check up on her. But Twilight said nothing further, and everypony was ro reliefed that she was back, so in the end, they just let it go.
But Spike soon realized something was wrong still. Not on the surface, she was eating, sleeping, talking to ponies... but there was something. She was... looking for something. She was keeping listas away from him. Going into stores without him. She started to be gone for whole days. She went away in the morning, came back in the evening with no explanation. Just the saddlebags that she never let anypony near. And then she disappeared.
They all went looking for her, but she was nowhere to be found. They searched everywhere, but she was removed from the surface of the earth, as it seemed. And everypony wondered "Where is she? And what is she doing?" Nothing. No trace.
There was some dreadful days for Spike, but he was about to find out everything, in the most horrifying way. Because one night he woke up, Twilight stood next to his bed. Staring at him. With those crazy eyes and the smile of an axemurderer...
"Twilight? What is it? Where have you been?"
"You know Spike...I was WRONG!"
wrong? About what? Ok... lets tag along... that's what they say you shall when you handle lunatics.
"Oo..k? So..."
Twilight interrupted him
"I thought magic was the only solution! That magic was the solution to all life’s problems. But I was wrong. They all were wrong! All the petty little minds of Celestia and Luna..."
"Eh...I don't think you should talk about the princesses that way..."
"THEY DESERVE IT! THEY DIDN'T DO A THING TO SAVE HER! THEY COULD HAVE...but they just went gibbering about ethics, and the life code and shit. And they said that nothing COULD BE DONE!"
Keep calm, Spike, keep calm...
"Nothing...can be done. She is dead, Twilight."
"Yes...At the moment..."
Oh sweet celestia, what has she done...
"Twilight...you're scaring me...I don't like that look in your eyes..."
"Come with me spike! I will show you..."
...