//------------------------------// // Chapter 8: Chaos Unjust // Story: Dating Of A Godly Variety // by RainbowBob //------------------------------// Discord sipped through the crazy straw that circled around his body and ended at the drink he was holding up with his reptilian foot while the God Emperor’s flaming blade pressed against his throat. Putting on a pair of shades to shield his eyes against the blade’s bright sheen, he asked, “So, tall, dark, and roid-rage, you mind putting down the butter knife and act like an adult?” “How dare you speak to me like that, you Chaos scum!” the Emperor hissed, pushing his blade closer so that it began sizzling Discord’s coat. “I know, right?” Discord disappeared, leaving a small and quickly dissipating smoke cloud behind. Sitting on the Emperor’s shoulder now, Discord ruffled the disgruntled godly entity’s hair. “Usually I’m not the first to hop aboard the act mature train, but when I’m being threatened of my threat being cut out while simultaneously burned, I become the conductor.” Discord pulled his arm up and down several times and blew smoke out of his ears. “Choo, choo!” The God Emperor attempted to swipe Discord off with a cleave of his blade, but the troublesome draconequus was already gone. “Damn you Warp trash!” the Emperor shouted, his head swiveling all about as his grip tightened on his blade. “When I get my hands on you, I’ll show you a fury that would put even the orks to shame!” “Don’t you mean orc?” Discord asked, popping complimentary hors d'oeuvre in his mouth. The Emperor thrust his sword forward, Discord’s only saving grace being his plate, which prevented the rest of the fiery blade from stabbing Discord in the gut. How exactly it did this was still up to the question. “No, it’s ork! They make it a point to remind you of that! It’s really annoying!” The Emperor pushed into his thrust, turning the silver platter to molten liquid, but unfortunately there was no molten Discord as well. Discord appeared next at Celestia’s side, eating some very well done mini wieners due to the Emperor’s handiwork. “I must admit, Tia, deary, your date is quite fun. Definitely worth popping over for a visit to meet. Along with these scrumptious wieners as well.” Discord chewed on another one and paused. “Wait… I thought you ponies were vegetarians?” “Prepare to meet the jaws of death, you Chaotic piece of waste!” the Emperor screamed, taking to the air in an aerial attack. His sword was pointing straight downward, prepared to plunge right into Discord’s chest in a final strike. However, Celestia moved in the sword’s path, the scowl on her face more fiery than the sword. “Geom, enough of this!” Celestia demanded, not budging an inch even as the sword neared closer. The Emperor stopped in midair, the tip of his sword inches away from Celestia’s muzzle, the fires reflecting in her eyes. He dropped to the ground, slowly lowering his sword to the floor. “Ooh, Geom! Is that Prench? Preek? Another ponified word of a country’s name?” Discord asked. “Ooh, ooh, how about Prussia? Wait, no, they untied under—” “Quiet, Discord!” both Celestia and the Emperor shouted at once. Celestia returned her attention back to her date, who was starting to lose some of his ruggish charm the more enraged his expression became. “Geom, would you mind explaining to me why you decide now would be a good time to attack one of my guests?” “Guest?” the Emperor chided. He threw up a hand and pointed at Discord, who currently had a halo hanging above his head while he whistled an innocent tune. “He’s your guest? Do you make it a habit to have mass murderers and genocidal monsters over for a spot while you’re at it?” Celestia furrowed her brow, and took a step forward, poking her hoof against the Emperor’s stomach. “Oh, so you think insulting my intelligence is going to excuse you for nearly killing Discord? Is that your game now?” “Discord, do you know what’s going on?” Luna asked him, approaching closer. Discord snapped his fingers, a bag of popcorn and extra large soda poofing in his arms. Taking a sip from his overpriced drink while he offered some of the popcorn to Luna, he shrugged. “No idea, but I can tell it’s already getting good. And to think, Twilight told me the Gala was boring and I shouldn’t show up. Ha!” “My game certainly isn’t letting some abomination like him walk around freely, that’s for sure!” The Emperor glared at Discord with a gaze so malicious that if looks could kill, Discord would have been annihilated down to the smallest atom. “The only abomination I can see here is a certain someone throwing insults all over the place and trying to behead my friends!” The Emperor’s jaw dropped. He stared at Discord, who waved back along with Luna, both their mouths filled with buttery popcorn, then back to Celestia, then back to the duo and finally to Celestia once again. “That… that thing is your friend?” “Weeeeeeeell…” Celestia scratched the back of her neck and coughed awkwardly. “Oh, you betcha!” Discord slid next to Celestia and threw an arm around her shoulder, Luna already in his other arm’s grip. “Us three go way back! Sure, we kind of disconnected for a few centuries, but now we’re closer than ever before!” “You can’t be serious. You just can’t.” The God Emperor held a hand to his temple and sighed deeply. “Do you have any idea what him and his kind are capable? Any at all?” “I know he can distort the fabric of reality to suit his own needs and ends,” Celestia remarked, slinking out of Discord’s grip. “Also, he used to rule over Equestria as a tyrannical ruler before Luna and I put him out of commision. Which had to be done twice, actually, most recently by my student Twilight and her friends a while back. And even then, I gave Discord a second chance to prove his worth, which he did.” Celestia kicked her hoof on the floor and avoided the Emperor’s gaze. “Along with a third chance as well.” “And even then, you consider him a friend?” the Emperor asked. Celestia looked up at Discord, who was pouting his lip as his mismatched pupils grew ridiculously large. Luna was currently having trouble breathing while locked in Discord’s hold, but Celestia didn’t bother to notice. Groaning under her breath, she muttered, “Yes, he is my… friend. I use the term as loosely as possible.” Discord threw his arms around Celestia and sobbed in her shoulder. “Oh Tia, dear, I knew you cared, I just knew it!” The God Emperor let out a long held in breath from his nostrils. Then, turning away from the pair, he slowly shook his head. “Then that is all I need to know.” He started walking forward, not even bothering to look back. Shoving Discord to the side, Celestia called out, “Geom, wait, where are you going?” “Anywhere but here,” the Emperor replied bitterly, voice as cold and sharp as a steel razor. “I thought this world was free of the Chaos’ presence, but it looks like I was wrong. Nowhere in the galaxy or universe will I be free of them.” “But Geom, what about me?” she asked, stopping a few feet away. The God Emperor stood still. Slowly, he glanced over his shoulder, eyes colder than the void of space itself. “I am sorry, Celestia, but we’re through.” Celestia nearly collapsed to her knees. “Wh… what?” “I cannot be in a relationship with someone who would possibly be on friendly terms with such a vile monster such as this Discord fellow. I’ve seen what the Chaos Gods do to those they acquaint themselves with. I have already witnessed too many good friends, comrades, soldiers, and even my own son become corrupted by Chaos. I won’t let another grow close to me when I already know they’ll betray me, just like all the others.” “But Discord isn’t like that! He’s a Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony, not a god!” Celestia explained, pointing to him. “Sure, he used to be evil in the past, and recently he was quite evil, actually, but he’s changed his ways… I’m pretty sure! But still, you can’t let him ruin such a good thing we have going, can you?” “Oh hey, did he mention Chaos Gods?” Discord asked, his legendarily short attention span snapping him back in the conversation. Celestia slowly turned her head towards Discord, eyes uncomfortably wide while her pupils were mere pinpricks. “Discord, I swear, if you don’t shut your mouth right now, I’m gonna—” “Oh man, those guys. Real crazy bunch, am I right?” Discord chuckled and shook his head, sighing in content. “Man, I remember that group from college. They were the wildest frat house you could possibly imagine. Why, this one time, they threw a party so large and out of control, it caused over a dozen stars to implode! Ah, good times, good times…” “See? You see now? He is nothing but a derelict monster with a soul just as black as the very abominations I made my life goal to fight!” the Emperor said. Discord rolled his eyes, which popped out of his head before he caught them with his tail to throw them back into his sockets. “Oh please, I haven’t hung out with those four in forever. Although there’s a fifth you can I’m quite acquainted with.” “I don’t care if you write each other letters. Those damned beings have been a thorn in my side for tens of thousands of years, and I refuse to associate with anyone involved with them!” The Emperor turned back around and continued on his way. Celestia’s lower lip trembled as tears began to pool in the corner of her eyes. Looking to Discord, Celestia jumped on his chest and clench his neck tightly in her hooves. “Discord, do something to bring Geom back! Anything!” Ignoring her chokehold, Discord arched a brow and crossed his arms. “Why me, since he’s your boyfriend?” Celestia’s mane and eyes blazed into an inferno that put the intensity of the sun itself to shame. “Because if you don’t, I’ll make you beg me to turn you into a stone statue once I’m through with you!” Gulping while both his eyebrows and beard burned to ash, Discord took out his flip phone from his ear and dialed a button, the beep of a call going forward being heard. “Okay, easy now, burned draconequus fur is not something you want to smell. I just took care of all of our problems, so nothing to worry about.” “Really?” Celestia asked, the fires in her mane dying down. “Sure,” Discord replied, just as the beeping noise on the phone ended. “Hello?” a eerily menacing voice asked on the other line. “Yo, Khorne, what up? It’s Discord. You know, from college, remember?” Discord asked. “Listen, do you mind doing me a solid and calling up your bros to come down for a visit here in Equestria? I just ran into an old buddy of yours that’s just burning with excitement to catch up with you.” “Sure thing, Discord. Keep it real,” Khorne replied. “Word,” Discord said, before flipping the phone shut. Returning his attention back to Celestia, he smiled. “See, now with the Chaos Gods showing up, we can get them to explain to Geom that I’m not such a bad guy after all! They can definitely vouch for me!” Celestia was staring while still atop Discord with her jaw dropping so low it nearly reached his chest. Luna was following her example, and any pony remaining in the Gala that hadn’t hightailed it out of there at the first indications of violence was currently doing the same. Finally, the God Emperor of Mankind himself turned back around, jaw dropping to the floor as the entire dance hall’s collective eyes were focused solely on Discord. Rubbing his now beardless chin, Discord nodded. “Wait, no, don’t explain it to me, I see it now.” He sighed, slapping a hand to his forehead. “I forgot to mention to them to show up in formal wear only. Just imagine how embarrassing it’ll be for them once they show up!”