Contrary to popular belief, Applejack relished a bit of nonsense every now and then. One needed to look no further than how she treated her trees during transplanting to see how far she could descend into silliness. However, if one was only paying half-attention, they would see nothing more than a mare who was all about business.
“Get outta the way!”
A mare who would suffer no fools, as it often appeared.
Such a time saw Applejack rushing under, over, around, and quite-nearly through bodies in her hurry to reach Megan’s side. The entire room had fallen silent after the Sapience had fallen from her seat, before Applejack was jolted into action. She crouched beside the shivering girl and held one of her hands in her hooves.
“You okay? Are yah okay, Megan? How many hooves am ah holdin’ up?”
Megan blinked. She lifted a sleeve to her face to wipe away the sick. “One?”
“Okay, you got it.” Applejack ran a soothing hoof over Megan’s hand. “Do you still feel nauseous?”
Megan nodded, her strange, flat face scrunching up.
“Zipporah!” Applejack yelped. “You got any freaky zebra herbs that sooth a stomach?”
Zipporah bared her teeth in a small, miniscule snarl at Applejack’s minor insult. It was not lost on the earth pony. “Za’rapha, move. Go forth and sooth.”
The zebra stallion nodded to his elder. He trotted up to Applejack and produced a small pouch from his bag.
“Wait.”
All eyes turned to Seabreeze. The High Pariah of Breezy Bastion hovered over the puke on the table and examined it closely. From the way his tiny, blue cheeks bulged, he was doing his best to hold his breath. He gained a little altitude, exhaled with a gasp, and looked over to Megan. “Have eyew eaten anything that tasted funny?”
Megan groaned from her place on the floor. “Just that weird magic soup.”
“That’s what I thought.” The breezie fluttered closer to the girl. “Now, do eyew have any sort of tingly feeling in eyewr stomach? Like leetle lightning bolts?”
Megan shut her eyes and pressed her lips together. “Yes. I’ve… It won’t stop.”
Seabreeze ground his tiny white teeth together. “Her body is rejecting the potion.”
Za’rapha dropped the herbs back into his bag. “Where have you learned such skill? You don’t strike me as one who cares for the ill.”
“Quit rhyming.” Seabreeze removed his tuxedo coat and hung it on a chair. He rolled up the sleeves on his white shirt and stood before Megan. “I’m a breezie. Healing is oor mandate.”
He opened one of Megan’s eyes and glared into it. Applejack resisted the urge to bat his hoof away. “They doon’t let eyew make medicine for the whole world oonless eyew know a thing oor two aboot healing.”
He pulled a face at King Andean. “Present company excepted, oof course.”
Andean shoved his seat aside. “You little yahoo—!”
“Andean,” Celestia said, “I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
Andean’s talons dug trenches in the wood floor; Mangle buried his face in his hands. “You have to, eh?” the griffon said. “You’re asking me?”
Izod jolted upright. “What did he just call me?”
Andean sneered. “I said ‘asking.’ ‘Asking!’”
Izod held his hat steady in his hooves as he rose out of his seat. Aspen the Alliterative placed a hoof on his shoulder.
“I believe he was merely raising an inquiry, sir.”
Izod blinked. “Oh.”
Celestia looked over at the donkeys, glared with the intensity of a sunrise, and held a hoof to her lips.
“I’m asking you now.” Celestia’s horn glowed. “This is a delicate situation, and there are several of you that should not be in the same room together. Not right now.”
Andean rolled the smooth stones around in his fist. “And if I say ‘no’?”
“Then I won’t be asking you anymore.” Celestia opened the door with her magic. “Go.”
Andean snarled as he barged out of the room. He lifted a talon, and his two guards followed close behind.
The princess walked closer to Megan, but took care not to get too close. “How is she?”
“She shood be fine, once she’s barfed the rest of the potion oot.” Seabreeze stuck his hooves between Megan’s lips and opened her mouth wide. “The potion moost have been bad foor this violent a rejection.”
“Hold your snakelike, venomous tongue,” Za’rapha said. “If there is any zebra skilled with brews, Zipporah is the one.”
Seabreeze let Megan’s mouth close. He looked over his shoulder at the zebra with lidded eyes. “Eyew’re a doofus.”
Za’rapha strode forward with a grimace. He got his face close to the breezie and snorted. Seabreeze tumbled head over hooves as the breath caught his wings.
Izod’s eyes widened. He lifted a hoof upward, causing his hat to unbalance. “So that’s why you don’t exhale on a breezie!”
“Oh, shut up!” Seabreeze stuck his tongue out at Izod. He glared at Za’rapha and pointed at Megan. “In case eyew haven’t nooticed, the Sapience is sick. Because of eyewr zebra potion! Foorgive me eef I take that to et’s logical conclusion!”
“Zipporah has brewed a thousand before,” Za’rapha said, “and later shall brew a thousand more! There’s no skill slippage, despite your wish, so be careful that you don’t get sq—”
“Quiet, servant.” Zipporah held up a leg that was covered in gold bracelets. “Hold. Be observant.”
She walked up to the puke stain and glowered at it. Applejack noticed the oily sheen the digestive reject had in the torchlight. “The brew was cooked to perfection, a shining example of zebra confection. It did its work in the Sapience’s mind, so something’s amiss that inside we’ll find.”
“Moost eyew rhyme?” Seabreeze poked Megan in the belly, prompting a gag that he swiftly avoided. Megan was able to hold it in. “Eyew’re geeving me a headache.”
“Perhaps you wouldn’t butcher the language,” Za’rapha said, “if you drank our brew and saved our ears damage.”
“I speak perfectly!” Seabreeze looked inside Megan’s ears. “And stoop rhyming!”
“Would everybody shut up and tell me what’s wrong with her?” Applejack shouted.
Seabreeze crossed his forelegs. “Should we doo both at the same time, eyewr Lordship?”
Applejack tripped over her own tongue. She shook her head and grimaced. “Funny. What’s the matter? If’n it’s not bad potions, what is it?”
Celestia cleared her throat. “It’s possible, if unlikely, that the Sapience is a species that can’t have close contact with magic. It’s possible that it hurts her.”
Aspen lifted his nose into the air a couple of inches. “Preposterous.”
(*): Other magically-irregular species: The breezies were able to channel pegasus magic, but unable to generate it themselves (their personal magic, as mentioned before, was more geared toward the healing power of spit). The diamond dogs channeled rock-shattering earth magic through their gemstone-studded collars and vests (the larger the gems, the stronger the dogs). The sea serpents lacked the dragons’ fire, but kept most of the magic resistance (mustaches notwithstanding).
“Changelings get sick if they are exposed to any emotional magic besides Love.” Celestia ruffled her wings. “Dragons are immune to most magicks through sheer durability, save for a few transmogrifications spells (*).”
Shardscale rolled her eyes. “Stupid mustaches.”
Scribble, scribble, scribble.
“The point is that there is precedence for magic affecting certain species differently than others.” Celestia clasped her hooves together. “We would require tests to be sure. Tests that will not be preformed. Do I make myself clear on that?”
Everyone in the room nodded.
“For the time being…” Celestia bent down close to Megan. “I’m sorry that we brought this upon you. We shall try to answer any questions you have before the potion’s effects wear off.”
Applejack patted Megan’s hand. “What do yah need to say, Sugarcube?”
Megan clutched her stomach. She sniffed as tears formed in her eyes. “I want Momma. I wanna go home.”
Seabreeze fluttered up to grab his jacket. “Oh, shoor. Maybe we could bring the Sapience back if she would tell us where in the heck she lived.”
“I wanna go home.” Megan balled her fists up. “Why did we have to cross the mountains in a rickety old wagon?” She sobbed. “Why did we have to leave? I wanna go home!”
Aspen bit his lip and took a few steps back. “Perhaps the Sapience is a little unstable.”
Applejack stomped a hoof. Hard. The clomp echoed around the room a few times.
She glared. “Her name is Megan. Y’hear?”
Aspen’s lips twitched.
Applejack looked at Seabreeze, Za’rapha, and Zipporah. “An’ she’s just a kid. Don’t you get it? She’s scared. Don’t you see that!?”
Izod shuffled his hooves. “Maybe we should move her someplace quiet.”
Applejack lifted a hoof. “Best suggestion ah’ve heard all day!”
She sat down next to Megan. “Don’tcha worry, Sugarcube. We’ll get yah a nice, soft bed tah lay in. We’ll let yah sleep off that potion.”
Megan wiped her eyes. She tried to sit up, but quickly lay back down with a gurgle.
Applejack looked over at Care and Caution. “Help her get up on mah back.”
Care took an immediate step forward. She paused and glanced at Celestia, who nodded. She took Megan in a gentle telekinetic grip and lifted her on to Applejack. “Are you comfortable, Megan?”
Megan wrapped her arms around Applejack’s neck. “Thank you, Miss…”
“Care, Royal Guardspony.” Care smiled. “You’re in good hooves, kid.”
Megan sniffed. “And… Applejack. Thank you, Applejack.”
“No prob’.” Applejack craned her neck around the table. Mangle was hunched over at the far side. “Hay, Prez. Wanna take us to a good room?”
Mangle had his horned head resting in his hands. He looked up from beneath his brow. He slapped his hands on the table and stood. “Sure thing. I know a real beefy spot on the other side of the Egg.”
Celestia leaned close to him as he passed her by. “Mangle, is something wrong?”
“Yeah.” He snorted. “If you call almost getting everybody killed something wrong. I know I do.”
Celestia jerked her head back. “Now just a—”
“Don’t worry about it.” He waved a hand at Applejack. “Follow me.”
Seabreeze hovered over to his bottle of ambrosia, grasped it with all four hooves, and lifted it into the air. “Soom gathering of the minds this turned out to be.”
The procession continued in quiet. Izod and Aspen excused themselves to return to their rooms. The zebras retreated to their hallway in the Egg. Seabreeze threw a quick salute and disappeared down a side corridor. Celestia, Mangle, Applejack, and their guards found themselves before a large door with hulking minotaur guards flanking it.
“Personal chambers right here.” Mangle patted the door. “Got the beefiest bed in Beefland, I hear. Haven’t been proven wrong, yet.” He turned the handle.
His eye shot wide open. He slid through the cracked-open door with a sheepish grin. “Um. Just gotta do a little, uh, cleaning up, first.”
He closed the door, leaving the ponies and Megan waiting outside.
(1): This needs no explanation.
Celestia whispered in Applejack’s ear, “Moving his Cowcubines to another room (1).”
“Now ain’t really the time for jokes, Princess.”
“I wasn’t joking.”
“That had better be a joke.”
“I swear I’m not.”
Applejack’s face turned beet-red. “Ah have just about had it with this crazy country.” She looked at the minotaur guards standing around her. “No offence intended. Sorry.”
They shrugged nearly in concert. “None taken,” one replied.
Mangle opened the door a few minutes later. He ushered them in and pointed to an enormous bed on the far side of the room. “Just had to make the bed.”
“Right,” Applejack said. She brushed past the minotaur president and through the room. The mattress looked like it was only slightly less fluffy than a cloud-mattress. The comforter looked like it was four stakes and a wooden pole away from being a sixteen-person tent. The pillows looked like they could serve as comfortable houses for breezie officials.
It was pretty nice, yeah.
Care’s horn flared again. She set Megan down on the edge of the bed. The girl reached out her hand to lay in on Applejack’s snout. She smiled, sniffed, and then lay back on the bed.
Applejack pulled the covers over Megan. She looked up at Celestia.
“We will do our best to find your home, Megan,” Celestia said. “I will do everything in my power.”
Megan winced as a wave of nausea washed over her. “That’s a lot of power, isn’t it?”
“You just hold tight,” Mangle said. “When Celestia makes a promise, she sticks to it.”
With that said, they left the room quietly.
Applejack sat with her back against the wall. Some distance down the hall, Mangle and Celestia were in the midst of an animated discussion. The Lord Mayor of Ponyville had long since given up on trying to eavesdrop.
Caution stood behind and to the left of Celestia, his eyes drifting along the halls in a lazy search pattern. Care’s eyes met his, an unspoken conversation zipped between them, and then she broke off from her position beside Celestia and walked over to Applejack’s side.
“Howdy?” Applejack said.
“Can’t leave a Very Important Pony unguarded.” Care rolled her white-coated shoulders as she took up a straight-backed stance. “Even if they’re all of ten meters away.”
“’Preciate it.” Applejack tried to smooth down her wrinkled dress. Seeing no progress, she decided to pretend the wrinkles were part of her look. “Ah think ah’m just about done with excitement for the night, how ’bout you?”
“I wouldn’t mind a calm night.” Care shrugged. “I’ll be ready if it isn’t, though.”
“Never doubted that.” Applejack blew a breath through her lips and leaned her head on the wall.
Care shifted her weight between her left and right legs. “I was really impressed with the way you handled Megan’s, um, problem. You’ve got some great instincts.”
Applejack smiled. “Thanks. Ah learned from the best.” Her smiled faltered for a second, but was brought back in the next instant. “Ah was kinda a momma’s girl, growin’ up.”
Care turned her head in a smooth arc as she watched the halls. “She must be very proud of you.”
Applejack found herself examining the opposite wall very closely. “Ah like tah think so.”
She shook her head. “But that’s that. What about you? Rodeo racer, guardspony to the princess… is there anything you don’t do?”
Care grinned. “I can’t play an instrument to save my life.”
Celestia felt the corner of her mouth slide upward as she listened to Applejack and Care laughing.
Applejack stood. “So where’re you from? How’d you get to be in the Guard?”
“I’m from Manehatten. I was gonna be a carrot farmer.” Care undid the clasp on her chinstrap and pulled her helmet off. Her coat shifted from white to a redder orange than Applejack’s, and her mane changed from blonde to turquoise streaked with blue. A cutie mark appeared on her flank: Three carrots with their greens intertwined. “I joined the Guard to pay my respects. Do a tour of duty. It turned out I was really good at it.”
(2): Blueblood had nothing to do with designing the coloration for the guard. It was a longstanding tradition dating back to the Pre-Celestian Era. Blueblood just liked to think it was about him.
Care replaced the helmet, and her colors shifted back to the white and blonde of the guard (2). “Like protecting the princess kind of good.” She tilted her head. “So now I’ve got just about the best job in the world. Besides all the traveling I get to do, it just feels right.” She nodded. “Like I’m making a difference.”
She flicked her tail. “And when I eventually retire, I’ve got a carrot farm waiting for me.”
“Ah’ll have tah stop by an’ get mahself a bushel. Sounds like that’s a long time comin’, though,” Applejack said.
“I like to think so, your Lordship.”
Applejack scowled. “Come on, now. How’re we supposed to be friends if you can’t even call me by mah first name? Call me Applejack.”
Care stood at attention. “Yes, ma’am, Applejack, your Lordship.”
Celestia grinned as snorting laughter came from the two mares. Mangle cleared his throat, killing Celestia’s brief good humor. “So were you serious about getting her home?” he asked.
“Of course,” Celestia said. “We can’t keep the poor girl locked up in the Egg like a prisoner. She needs her family.”
“And what then?” Mangle popped his knuckle. “Will her people take kindly to a bunch of strange creatures walking around with their kid?”
“Even with the language barrier,” Celestia said, “it should only take a few moments to explain our position—”
“She thought we were animals, Celestia!” Mangle yelped. He held his hands out as if balancing a scale. “What—what sort of society does she live in where we’re animals? Have they ever met creatures that didn’t look like them? What then?”
He popped three more knuckles to accentuate his words. “What about the breezies? You were there. How did they react to meeting ponies for the first time?”
Celestia grimaced. “They tied Luna up and stapled her to the ground. It took a little convincing to tell them that we weren’t angry giants out to eat all their crops.”
“That’s what I’m saying.” Mangle pointed at the room where Megan lay. “These guys aren’t tiny little fairy ponies. They can blow holes in mountains. This would be like meeting the griffons for the first time. Or maybe the minotaurs.”
Celestia closed her eyes. “Both of which were handled successfully enough.”
“Yeah, but there’s so many other things going on.” Mangle took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “It wouldn’t just be meeting the ponies for the first time. They’d be meeting all of us.” He shook his head slightly. “We can’t even handle ourselves.”
“We can’t put this off indefinitely.”
“But we can do something just as good,” Mangle said. “We could find out where her place is and slip her in unnoticed. We could swear her to secrecy or something so she doesn’t talk.”
“We are not going to hide, President Mangle.”
“We can’t just keep our distance either?”
“Not for the reasons you’re thinking.” Celestia leaned in close. “We can’t live in fear. That’ll only make you sick. It wouldn’t help anybody.”
Mangle crossed his arms. “I don’t like it.”
“You don’t have to like it.” Celestia sighed. “I just want you to understand why it’s the right thing to do.”
“I do.” Mangle pursed his lips. “I do.”
Celestia looked away. She nodded, and then turned to Applejack to say that they would retire for the night.
“Aaahh!!”
All head turned to the high-pitched squeal. Crisperfall was flittering through the hallways, his eyes and mouth wide open. He tried to correct his course, failed, and tumbled into Applejack. She caught him in her forelegs and held him gently. “Whoa, pardner. What’s all the fuss?”
“P-papa!” He screeched something in his native breezie language. “Papa!”
Celestia hurried over. She sent a small spell to rub soothingly over Crisperfall’s back. “What’s wrong with your papa, Crisperfall? What happened to Seabreeze?”
Crisperfall’s lips trembled. “Papa! Papa’s been squished!”
They found Seabreeze lying in the middle of the hallway. His wife, Dandelion, was cradling his head in her lap and weeping. His wings were bent out of shape, folded in half or twisted around. His mane, normally bouncy and spritely, was hanging loose about his shoulders. His legs were curled up against his torso.
His chest rose and fell with tiny movements.
Celestia knelt beside them, her face massive compared to the two small ponies. “Good heavens,” she breathed
Applejack stood a couple of meters away, Crisperfall curled up on her back. “How bad?”
“I… I don’t know.” Celestia twisted her lips as she attempted to pronounce a few words in the breezie tongue.
Dandelion sobbed a response.
Celestia bit her lip. “The ambrosia is missing. Someone stole it.”
“What!?” Mangle clenched his hands into tight fists. “So… so we can’t heal him?”
“That’s not what I said.” Celestia straightened up to speak with the minotaur. “He can heal. It’ll just be a little slower.” She sucked in a breath and whispered, “I hope.”
Care took a step forward. “Come on, Caution. Let’s get him to the infirmary.”
Mangle pointed at one of his guards. “Crumplezone, show them the way.”
Care took Seabreeze in her telekinesis and deposited him on Caution’s back. The three guards trotted away at an even pace. Dandelion followed close behind with Crisperfall in her forelegs.
Mangle’s chest grew tight. “Not in my house. Not in my house!” He spun on Celestia. “Who could have done something like this!? Who would do such a thing!?”
Celestia remained silent, her face stony.
Applejack gritted her teeth. She ground them together before she spoke. “Ah think ah can guess.”
Celestia squinted. “I don’t like snap decisions. But we have to move quickly.” She nodded down the hallway. “To the griffons’ quarters.”
They marched at double-time, and soon came to the assigned room. A single griffon guard sat outside, gently tapping a talon against the wood floor. He started as the two ponies and three minotaurs came into view. “If you are looking for the king—”
“We are,” Celestia said. “Let us pass.”
The guard shrunk back. “Ah… He is not here.”
Celestia flicked her horn. The griffon guard tumbled aside as the doorway behind him slammed open. “Andean!? Andean!”
Celestia looked around an empty room. “He isn’t here. Where were you going to say he was?”
The griffon guard rubbed his neck. “He is in the garden. He is taking his evening walk.”
Celestia rushed into the midst of the party. Her horn glowed until it shone white. “Everyone, hold still.”
The world exploded around Applejack before vanishing away. She felt as though she was falling out of control. The ground touched her feet, though for a brief moment it felt as though it was the ceiling. She got a hold of her balance in a couple of seconds, but until then she was tottering like a foal.
“Oh, bless you, Celestia!” Izod said. He blinked, steadied his hat, and then looked to the griffon beside him. “I mean, oh joy! More people to partake in our conversation. Maybe you don’t need me to speak with you anymore.”
Andean glared down at the donkey. “I wouldn’t say that.” He smirked at Celestia. “What’s the rush, Princess? I don’t usually see you teleport.”
“I do it when I have little other choice.” Celestia spread her wings and raised her head high. “Andean, you are under arrest for the attempted murder of Seabreeze.”
Izod yelped and cantered away from the griffon king. Andean gave Celestia a blank stare.
“On whose authority?”
“Mine,” Mangle said. “My country, my rules.”
Andean Ursagryph laughed uproariously. It came from deep within his belly, much like a lion’s roar. “You can’t be serious!”
Golden, magic chains looped around the king’s legs. “I am deathly serious. You had the motive, the means, and the opportunity.”
Andean looked at the chains. An incredulous grin spread across his beak. “Celestia, allow me to educate you on something…
“If it was I who attacked the bug,” he snarled, “it would not be an ‘attempt’ you were arresting me for. I would have made sure the deed was done!”
“Yeah,” Applejack snorted. “Amazin’ defense. Save it for the tribunal.”
Andean Ursagryph shot Applejack a look that could melt iron. “And you can save your self-righteousness.”
“Wait! Wait!”
Wind stirred the cedar trees. Shardscale descended from her perch on the roof of the Egg. “Wait! When did this happen?”
Celestia frowned. “Between when the rest of us left dinner and a few minutes ago. Why?”
Shard blew a flame, which was soon transmogrified into a scroll. “He’s been in the garden since you made him leave. He’s been talking with Izod since the rest of you cleared out. I’ve got it all recorded here.” She held the scroll up. “He can’t have been the one to hurt Seabreeze!”