Chapter One: 'Congratulations, Spike!'
Twilight was upset. Spike could tell. Well, anypony could tell. But the little dragon could tell she was making a big mistake. "What about Rainbow Dash?!"
Brought up short by the question, Twilight paused for a moment and closed her eyes to think. With a snap her eyes opened again and the irritated purple unicorn grinned humorlessly. "Congratulations, Spike. You're the new Rainbow Dash. Now let's go!"
Golden metal and a shiny (and vaguely delicious-looking) red gem clinked as they fastened around Spike's neck. He stared down at his new fashion accessory in trepidation. After a moment's thought the little purple and green dragon chased after his friend, trying to get her to see reason-- or at least to have mercy. "Me?! But what if she finds out I've been impersonating her?!"
Visions of heavy-hoofed kicks impacting Spike's tail at supersonic speeds flashed across his mind's eye. He shuddered. "Ooooh… That won't end well."
"Too bad. You're Rainbow Dash. Now let's go defeat Discord so we don't ever have to talk to each other again!" With Twilight’s parting snarl, she galloped out of the library. The twisted versions of Spike's former friends cheered, following her outside-- and right over Spike's back. He groaned and tried to push himself back into an upright position as more angry shouts and a loud crash echoed through the library.
This wasn't like Twilight at all… Had Discord gotten to her too? Surely she had a plan. Twilight always had a plan. Or a checklist. Checklists counted as plans, right? Still trying to pop his vertebrae back into alignment, Spike staggered outside-- and immediately ducked behind the big, vaguely gem-shaped boulder that Rarity had been dragging around for Celestia-knew-what reasons.
Oh, no. Twilight and Spike’s other friends were staring up into the terrifyingly eclectic visage of the Lord of Chaos himself. Discord smiled down, clearly enjoying some private joke. The girls weren't ready. Spike definitely knew he wasn't ready. Could things get any worse?
Worst-case scenario or not, Twilight obviously wasn't going to wait around. She snarled up at the draconequus. "Discord! I figured out your lame riddle. You're in for it now!"
"I certainly am. You've clearly out-dueled me. And now it's time to meet my fate!" Waving one twisted claw, Discord summoned humorously large sunglasses and adjusted them to a rakish angle on his muzzle.
The embodiment of chaos wasn't taking this seriously at all. Spike wasn't sure if that was a good sign or not-- how could you tell when you were fighting Chaos?-- but the sinking feeling in his chest suggested it wasn't. Come on, Spike. Think. Think! The future of Equestria depends on it!
Seemingly oblivious to the young dragon's agonies of concentration Discord gestured crazily and continued his melodramatic monologue. "I'm prepared to be defeated now, ladies… Fi--- Oh, you'll pardon me if I go off-script for a minute, I'm sure. What, my little ponies, is that?!"
With a pop, Tom the Boulder abruptly turned into Tom the Sparrow. The newly created bird chirped in confusion and burrowed into the ground. Rarity wailed in horror. “No! Tom, come back!”
Spike, for his part, looked nervously up into the crazy eyes of the suddenly far-too-close Discord. "I- I- I-"
"Yeeeeessss?" Discord leaned forward in interest, looking over his sunglasses at the young dragon and holding a notepad and paper at the ready.
Spike grinned awkwardly. No going back now. "I'm the new Element of Loyalty..?"
Crickets don't usually make noise in the middle of the day with the sun burning down overhead. Fortunately, the insects were just as confused by the hyper fast day-night cycles as everypony else. Their quiet chirping noises were the only sounds to be heard for a long, uncomfortable moment.
One long, taloned finger on Discord’s eagle claw inched forward. The Lord of Chaos poked Spike's head experimentally as though prodding some interesting new laboratory specimen. "Reeaaallly..? You're the new Rainbow Dash?"
Feeling ill, Spike fumbled for words. He wanted to run and hide, but he had to do this-- for Equestria. For his friends. Most of all, for Twilight. He stood his ground. "I-- I am!"
"You expect me to believe that you, you little runt, are a good replacement for Rainbow Dash? Are you as fast as she is?" Discord's pencil hovered over his clipboard, which now held a checklist headed by fancy gothic font reading 'RESEMBLANCE TO RAINBOW DASH.' The pencil turned into a long purple goose quill pen.
Spike looked down at his dumpy, immature body. A habit of eating too many rubies late at night hadn't helped him get rid of his baby fat. His legs and arms were short. Even when he got his wings--assuming that Spike was the sort of dragon even to get wings--he would likely never be able to do a fraction of what Rainbow Dash could do. "Well, no… But-"
"And confidence! Are you as confident as the brash young Dash?" Now Discord carefully measured the little dragon's skull with a set of phrenological calipers. The five remaining element bearers were frozen in place-- although whether in puzzlement at Discord's unpredictable actions or through his powerful magic, Spike couldn't tell.
"I'm… I'm not," Spike admitted. He had his moments, but most of those moments were in daydreams-- not in real life.
"Hmm, it's not looking good for you, boyo. All right, diminutive draconic dude, one last question. Are you -- oh, who am I kidding. Who are you kidding? You're no Rainbow Dash, Spike. You can't possibly be her. She's so… so… and you're…" Discord's eyes were twirling hypnotically, but Spike couldn't see it through a blurry mist of tears.
Spike's spirits were as low as they had ever been-- but as they dropped, they circled towards Planet Spike's molten, fiery core… and found new energy. Sniffling and blinking back tears, the young dragon looked up and glared into Discord's grinning countenance. "Y-you're right, Discord. I'm not Rainbow Dash. But- it's not the Element of Rainbow Dash, it's the Element of Loyalty!"
"Oh? You think you're as loyal as a mare who-- oh that's right, she abandoned her friends. I guess you might be a bit more loyal than that, Spike… But are you sure?" Discord continued to smirk, but there were cracks of bemusement about his smile’s brittle edges.
"Yes! More so!" Spike halted for a moment, shocked at the force of his own words. But he'd unleashed something inside himself, and if he didn't continue he felt he might explode.
Drawing in a breath and blinking back more tears, the angry dragon continued. "Twilight is like a sister to me! Ponyville is a second home! And I will never, NEVER leave them! Not for Rarity, not for all the jewels in Equestria, and not even for your crazy schemes, Discord!"
Crossing jaundiced eyes, Discord focused on the stubby purple claw that was pointed forcefully at his muzzle. The smug leer died for the briefest of moments-- and resurrected phoenix-like as a grin of genuine appreciation. Leaning back in the air, Discord clapped his clawed hands together. "Well said, my young friend. Well said! Perhaps you could be a passable Element of Loyalty after all…"
Where was Discord going with this? Spike’s spirits were still rising on the hot updraft of rage he felt at the draconequus' cruel pranks, but with his recent explosion some of that anger was draining away again. In its place, the old doubts were dripping back in, sending cold chills down his spine as Spike watched the awful creature stroke its chin in thought.
"You know, I think it might be fun to help you, ‘Spikebow Dash.’ But how… Hmm…. Aha! " Without warning, Discord was right beside Spike again, measuring every conceivable inch of the young dragon's body with a yellow measuring tape.
The creature of chaos chattered as he worked. "Clothes make the stallion, of course… But hmm, ponies don't wear clothes much nowadays and I would hardly claim to have the fashion finesse of yon filly, Rarity… But I think I can fix you up a treat, Dragon-Who-Would-Be-Dash."
"Uh--" Spike stammered, but he could tell it was already too late.
Discord waved his arms, and power crackled from the tips of his claws. "Shall we? Of course we shall."
Without waiting for Spike's consent or even his reaction, Discord clapped his hands together. Spike cried out in horror, trying to shield his eyes as the unnatural energy arced through the air and grounded itself into his scaly hide.
The first thing Spike was aware of was the sudden, dizzying feeling of ascent, like he'd hitched a ride on the back of a pegasus-- and she was running late for something important. Spike flailed his arms, trying desperately to stay upright as unseen hands tugged him in every direction. Was Discord simply going to pull him apart? Then why--
An especially forceful tug sent searing pain through Spike's shoulder blades. His back spasmed as something bubbled and erupted from his scales-- no, not truly scales any more. In most places the changing dragon's purple scales seemed softer and... fuzzier somehow. Fur? Hair? On a dragon? That couldn't be right.
In what felt like an eternity yet also only a heartbeat, the changes were complete. Spike coughed and wheezed, sucking air into burning lungs. He brushed away a few annoying wisps of green mane and… wait. Mane? He looked down and screamed.
Purple-feathered wings flapped nervously on Spike's back as he surveyed his new form. A very pony-like head rested atop a body that seemed half-draconic, half-equine. His tail was still very similar, but longer and sleeker. The ex-dragon’s stumpy feet had been replaced by shapely long legs and solid hooves, complete with green flame cutie marks, and… His hands went to his neck.
Oh thank Celestia, Spike still had hands. Er, and the Element of Loyalty. That was important too. The draco-pegasus looked up in confusion at Discord's leering face. "What… what have you done to me?"
"Don't thank me all at once, ‘Spikebow Dash…’ I was just helping you… you know, get in the role. A gift, from me to you, Bearer of Loyalty--snerk, hahahahaa sorry, I can't keep a straight face! Ha ha ha, you should see your expression!" Discord teleported around the horrified new draco-pegasus, each time appearing in a different pose of uncontrollable mirth. Finally, he returned to his original position.
Looking down at himself, Discord waved one clawed hand. Once again, he was wearing his ridiculous sunglasses. Now, too, the Lord of Chaos sported a classy red and white bulls-eye. "Now, where were we… ah, yes. I'm prepared to be defeated now, ladies. Fire when ready."
There was an uncomfortable pause, helpfully filled by more crickets. Discord coughed and waved at Twilight. "I believe, dear, that you were about to say, 'Formation?' Please, try to keep up."
"Er-- Oh. Right. Right! Formation. NOW!" Twilight shook her head as though trying to clear it. How had Discord known..? Something was clearly wrong here-- more wrong than usual for the chaos wrecking Equestria, even-- but that didn't matter right now. Her fellow ponies grumbled and got in position. One was still missing.
Twilight looked to her left in irritation. "'Rainbow Dash,' get over he-- whoa… um. Rainbow Dash? Spike?"
Startled out of his self-contemplative staring session, Spike looked up. "Oh! Sorry Twilight!"
It sounded a bit like Spike, but… what the hay had happened to him? And why hadn't Twilight noticed? The purple unicorn found herself staring at the half-dragon, half-pegasus creature. "Uh…"
Discord cleared his throat. "Some time today? Some of us-- oops, make that some time tonight now. Okay, day again… As I was saying, some of us have places to be, things to dominate?"
"All right. Let's get this over with!" Trying to shake off the nagging sensation that something had gone even more awry than Discord's presence might account for, Twilight concentrated ad gathered her magic. She rose into the air. Her fellow ponies and… whatever Spike was at the moment… followed suit. The atmosphere itself began to glow as the energy built up.
Just as quickly as the buildup of power had begun, it started to wane. Twilight looked desperately at the other elements of harmony and their bearers. What was wrong? Was it-- was it because they weren't worthy of the elements any more? Had they fallen so far? She… she was going to lose. She couldn't do it. All of Equestria was going to lose! No…
"Focus, Twilight! You can do it! You can all do it! Come on, Pinkie Pie! Fluttershy! Applejack! Rarity! We can do this! We've got to! Don't let your friends down now!" Spike's voice cut through the faltering hum of the elements and the ponies looked at their transformed friend.
Spike tried to restrain himself, but his wings were flapping with every nervous, enthusiastic sentence fragment. "Can't let it end here! We've got to do it for each other! Remember-- remember all the good times! Uh… The important thing about friendship is..."
"What's this..?" Discord peered over his sunglasses and gaped. The little draco-pegasus was doing it, somehow. Muted colors wavered, giving way before the bright and true colors of the element bearers as Spike gesticulated wildly, shouting out his fortune cookie wisdom on friendship. He hadn't taken dictation on all of Twilight's letters for nothing-- the little twerp had actually learned a thing or two! And the hum of the elements was once again rising.
"No!" The gobsmacked draconequus had just enough time to fling his body into a humorously rude pose as the elemental rainbow slammed into him, dooming him to another interminable wait. Discord leered. Let's see the little school fillies get a load of THIS position. If only he'd had time to duplicate himself-- And then there was darkness.
The brilliant spectrum of friendship coursed across the land, erasing all traces of Discord's maelstrom of madness. Flowers bloomed. Grass swayed in the breeze. And five ponies and one… pony…like…thing floated gently back to the ground. Somewhat less gently, Discord's frozen form crashed to the ground.
Spike sighed and opened his eyes. They'd done it. Somehow, through the magic of friendship, they'd done it. The spreading chromatic wave of the elements of harmony was gone, leaving the nice, familiar shapes of Ponyville and all of Equestria in its wake. Everything was normal again. Thank Celestia.
"Wow… that was great, Twilight but…” Spike looked down at himself as he spoke, ready to reacquaint himself with his nice, normal body. His little dumpy form had never looked so good as-- wait. The draco-pegasus stared down at himself. He was still… whatever Discord had made him.
Five sets of eyes stared at their still-transformed friend. Spike did a nervous dance, looking this way and that at his new body as though simply observing it from the right angle would make it turn back to normal. The purple horse-dragon clapped his hands to his head and wailed, claws digging into his green mane. "Why didn't I change back?! I can't be stuck like this!"
"Oh, I don't know, Spikebow Dash! I think you're kinda cute!" giggled Pinkie Pie.
"Er… I think your mane could do with the attentions of a coiffeur, my dear Spike, but… I hear that purple is very 'in' this year…" Rarity grinned awkwardly, trying to think of a nice way to bolster Spike's flagging spirits. The other mares chorused their anxious agreement.
Twilight sighed. Strangely, she felt like this was all going to be blamed on her somehow. "Don't worry, Spike, I'm sure we'll find a way to get you--"
A fiery green belch from the draco-pegasus interrupted Twilight. A scroll materialized and dropped to the ground. Spike wiped his muzzle with one hand and gave his friends an embarrassed smile. "Whoops, heh heh… guess that still works. Seems like the princess sent you a-- Urk"
With another gout of flame, a second scroll appeared. Then a third. ...And a fourth. A fifth, too-- and the scrolls kept coming. "Why?" Spike moaned as he started curling up into the fetal position on the soft green grass. "Why -- urp-- me?!"
Far away on a single, small cloud, Rainbow Dash sat up and blinked. What had happened? Had she been napping? It wasn't time for her 12:15 catnap yet. Or her 12:45 power nap, for that matter. Where was everyone? …And why did she feel like she'd just missed something really, really important?