//------------------------------//
// A Sassin's Creed 
// Story: Screw the rules we're on a road trip. 
// by Ssendam the Masked 
//------------------------------//


Tobi's P.O.V


As soon as we'd escaped, we had to get the Pussywagon, which was a minor exercise in sneaky sneaky and not stabby stabby. We were good at both, but we really didn't want to get on Celestia's bad side even more than we already had. This was why we were relying on the shock value of our Henges more than our appearance. 

Let's see how they react to the giant ushanka disguise. Probably very badly, if Stalliongrad was any indicator.

As soon as they saw a pair of giant ushanka coming towards them, the sparkly guards hesitated for a second. One, teensy-weensy yet vital second. Enough for me to fly forwards like an angry hawk and punch their shit. That done, I turned to Yoshimitsu-sempai, who had dealt with his own guards via the simple yet effective hilt slam. He turned around to me. 
"Let's ride." 

I nodded. "We can't stop here for long, this is bat country." 
With that, I hopped into the driver's seat and started the engine with a flare of chakra. Yoshimitsu-sempai nodded. "Take 'er away Ern." 
I nodded, flooring the accelerator pedal. We shot forwards once again. In the city, the cyclone still raged, and my fingers smelled uncomfortably of another man's butt. 

I didn't concentrate on that, I was too busy pulling us in to The Void. The Soapstone grit had shown me a beautiful multiverse, as well as a means to travel through it- The Void. A featureless expanse where nothing fun or interesting really happened, my Kamui dimension would make going into it really easy, but I wanted to do things in style. My eyes swirling effect surrounded the Pussywagon. Yoshimitsu watched with an appreciative eye. 

"Tobi, how fast are we going?" 
I Henge'd into Doc Brown. "We have to be going at eighty-eight miles per hour, Scotty! Eighty-eight miles per hour!" 
We drove forwards at high speeds, approaching a wall. I checked the speedometer. "Eighty-six miles per hour! Eighty-seven miles per hour!" 
That wall was really close now, but Kamui was almost complete. Finally: 
"EIGHTY-EIGHT MILES PER HOUR!" 
And with perfect timing too, as we disappeared into The Void at that precise moment. 

The Void reminded me of one of those bad acid trip things. We drove through a vortex of swirling colours and random clock-faces appearing out of nowhere. We didn't really care, we had places to go, people to see. Or people not to see. 

Yoshimitsu opened his eyes. "BYAKUGAN!" 
I watched appreciatively as his eyeholes, formerly just plain white, gained a slight pupil to them. Yoshimitsu nodded in appreciation. "Dude, I can see where things are relative to us now! Oh my god, make a left turn." 
I shrugged. "Why?" 
Yoshimitsu glared at me. "Because it's bacon Equestria."
I swerved the Pussywagon towards that direction as quickly as I could. Bacon Equestria? Yes, a thousand times yes. It was just then that something more interesting flashed across my senses, and I swerved. Yoshimitsu-sempai tried to steer it back, but it was too late, we exited The Void-

Only to encounter a sleeping manticore at twelve o'clock. Before we could really react, we ploughed into the manticore and sent it flying, towards a rather marshy area. 
"Shit." Yoshimitsu-sempai briefly twitched his head, but didn't acknowledge the source. 
A hydra popped its heads up and hissed in our general direction. Oh goody. 
"Well thanks a lot, assholes." 
Yoshimitsu made a hand-sign saying ignore as long as possible.


Yoshimitsu's P.O.V

I was pretty annoyed that we'd swerved from Bacon Equestria to just another universe where there was a chump here. I turned to Tobi, and I extended my arm and rolled my head in my amateur Noh routine. 
“Kohai, I told you that we needed to have made a left at that bit of the Void! Then, we would have gone to the Equestria made entirely of bacon!” 
Tobi shrugged non-commitally. "But sempai, this one felt interesting! You have to admit, one minute here and we’ve already hit a manticore into a hydra.”
I was forced to concede the point on that one. Hitting a manticore into a hydra was just one of those things that you couldn't really forget. Still, bacon Equestria. So good for your tongue, but so bad for your heart. I nodded, conceding his point. “That may be so, that may be so. At the same time, bacon. You know that you would want a piece of that tasty world.”
Tobi nodded, pulling out a knife and playing with it. “But if everything was bacon, sempai, wouldn’t it technically be eating dirt?” 

“Oi, fucknuggets!”  I absently scanned him. He was weak in the ways of the Force, so I motioned to continue ignoring. “I don’t know what the hell you two are on about, but if you could maybe stop talking for a second and help me kill this hydra, that’d be great.” 

Well, we continued, until he said something that shocked us to the very core. “Bacon is for chumps!” 

Well, after that it means war in any case. Tobi, as was normal, turned quickly and threw a knife at him, barely missing. Tobi then focused on him. “Fuck you, bacon is awes-”
He then stopped. “Sempai, it’s a guy in a hoody.”
I pretended like I hadn't been spying on him like crazy and looked. I then nodded. “Huh, so it is.” 
A low, guttural growl alerted us to something bad. We turned, and we saw four large, reptilian heads, all staring directly at us. “Oh. Right.” 
I then got up, cracking my joints. This was going to be awesome, fighting a hydra. I signed for Tobi to stay back and watch. “Fine, I guess I can kill these things for you… if you’re too much of a wuss or a vegan to.” 

Italian Hoody Ninja drew his sword, which was made of inferior American steel I guess. “I’ll take the manticore, you two keep the Hydra off of me. Deal?” Sounds fair to me. I nodded, drawing my own katana, while Tobi gave us both a thumbs up. “Oh, and a word of warning: I don’t know how it is back wherever you’re from, but hydras here have almost uncuttable, magic-proof scales, so that sword might not be too useful. Best thing to do is go for the eyes.”

I didn't really focus on him, instead keeping my Byakugan trained on the Hyrda. I vaguely saw flashes of him tearing into the Hydra like a totally metal dude. Hardcore. I then watched him manage to mostly lop its tail off. That was pretty impressive, such an arm with such an inferior weapon. Even Japanese plane wings were SHARP LIKE KATANA- oops, I nearly got hit by this ting. I neatly sidestepped, exuding my killing intent on it. It didn't really seem to mind that I was delcaring my intent to murder this thing for nibblies.

Fuck, this is one relentless bugger. I thought.

So, I decided on the best course of action. I walked up to it, slowly and carefully, giving it a chance to see exactly how many fucks I gave about it- zero. I looked up at it and started scratching my neck. Don't judge, my neck was itchy. “Magic proof scales, huh? Well, time to… meditate.” 
With that, I went into Indian Stance, and focused. I wanted to take out every single head in one strike, so I should probably aim for the outer head. I spun around, picking up speed, then I screwed up slightly, instead of a sideslash, I was aiming for a downward slash. So, I hastily changed direction for one of the two inner heads, cutting through it with ease. Like an awesome butcher. The other three heads focused their concentrated wrath on me, but I had a plan. When two of them lunged at each other, I jumped off and watched them tear out each other's throats. 

I landed on the ground and effortlessly backflipped away like a boss. “Huh, this is surprisingly easy. You sure this was a challenge?” With that, I sheathed my sword and aimed my fingers. Channeling chakra through my fingertips, I shaped it into an invisible blade of wind, and uttered the simple, badass words only ever spoken once.
“Fuuton: Wind Blade!” With a 'no fucks given' flick of my fingers, the last head’s eyes were impaled with an invisible blade of razor sharp wind. As the beast finally collapsed, I said a pithy one-liner to signify how much of a challenge that was.
“Wham, bam, thank you ma’am.” 

I could feel Italian Hoody Ninja staring at me with his mouth open. Heh, I must have blown his mind with that display. I deactivated my Byakugan and watched the ensuing display. First, the manticore pounced on him. Naturally, he retaliated by slashing at its face with his inferior Italian sword, blinding it. This caused it to roar and swing wildly with its paws and tail, but since it didn’t know where he was, he nimbly ran behind it and severed the tail at the base. It roared again and whirled at him, but this time I think that Italian Ninja Gangster was ready for it. Italian Disaffected Teenager leapt onto its back again, and swung his Italian baby sword as hard as he could into its neck, severing its head. It flopped to the floor, dead, and he jumped off it and walked over us with a fairly impressive walk. 

“Wow. I’m impressed, I’ve never seen someone take down a hydra so easily. You have got to show me how you did that.” he said, and of course, Tobi was happy to oblige him.

Tobi lazily pulled out another knife. “It’s easy when you’re using chakra. Yoshimitsu can induce a chakra system in you.” 

I nodded, as I was a pretty decent dude like that. “Indeed. I can induce it. But first, let us help you carry these things back to your camp. Tobi.” Tobi understood what had to be done. Neither of us could carry a fully grown hydra back without the car, and we didn't want hydra blood to get on our sweet Pussywagon.

He placed his hand on it, and focused. “Kamui!” The hydra's corpse disappeared into the Kamui dimension, where it would stay until we would eat it.

Italian Casual Homewhere Ninja gaped at another display of our PURE AWESOMENESS.

“Wow, I do not want to know what is behind that mask.” he said. Tobi's face, obviously. “Anyway the camp is over this way.” We returned to the camp, nothing eventful had happened- oh god, it's an army of hoodies.


Tobi's P.O.V


Wow, these guys like their hoodies. Must be nice in winter.

“Hey guys.” he said, in a casual, badass way. “I found ninjas. Ninjas, these are Rob, Ed, and Dave.” he pointed to each of them as he said their names. 

I looked around, then turned to Yoshimitsu-sempai and started talking. “Sempai, it’s a hoody meeting.” Seriously, it was kind of weird that they were all wearing hoodies. Huh, really good look for them though. Cool. Why couldn't there be more hoodies in Naruto?
Yoshimitsu-sempai simply nodded. “We should probably introduce ourselves.” 
I nodded enthusiastically. ‘Hi! Name’s Tobi, and this is Yoshimitsu-sempai. Pleased to meet ya!” 

Dave, Ed, and Rob just stared at us like we were lepers. Which we aren't, by the way.

“Where the fuck did you find those guys?” Ed said, eventually. “Isn’t that guy a Naruto character?” HE KNOWS WHO I AM! SQUEE!

“Yeah, and I swear I’ve seen the other guy in some kind of video game.” Dave said. Yoshimtisu gave off an impression of internal squee.

“Oh, like we can talk.” he pointed out. Yeah, they're cosplaying just as much as we are. “Anyway, I found them in the forest. Was about to kill a manticore, when they showed up and hit it with their… car. Into a hydra.”

I nodded. It was explanation time, yay! “You see, it’s because my magic eye allows me to travel across dimensions.” 
Yoshimitsu-sempai nodded. “Indeed. I gained magic eyes from eating a chunk of soapstone, and now, we go on a roadtrip through the multiverse. Also, Tobi, should we get the ball rolling with gifts?” 
Oh right, gifts. We were supposed to give those, right? Anyway, I nodded, focused, and the hydra corpse popped out of my special eye. I grinned behind my mask.
“Now, who wants some grass?” With another bit of focus, a couple of joints came out of my magical eyehole. I passed them around, and they all reacted strangely. Then again, if I wasn't insane I would be pretty weirded out by this too. Wouldn't stop me smoking them, but still, the principle of the thing is the same.

“Well, I didn’t have anything else planned.” head Italian Ninja said, sitting down and putting his feet up. “You got a light?”

Ed and Dave joined me, but Rob just stood there tentatively holding the joint.

“Dude, seriously? A random Naruto character just gives you weed and you’re not going to question that at all?” He said.

“Pfft,” he laughed, “You are such a virgin.”

I shrugged. “Eh. We’re not, quite sure about that. But whatevs.” I looked, shuffled over, and flicked my hands through the necessary handseals.
“Fire release: Great Fireball jutsu!” 

The resulting fireball barely missed them (oops), lit the joints, and flew through the forest, where it presumably hit something.

“Well, that’s one way of doing it.” he said, sounding a bit dazed. “So, how about we carve up some hydra steaks?” he went over to the hydra and drew my sword, only to remember that he had an Italian rapier, not really suited to cutting through it with ease. “Hmm. Hey, Yoshi-whatever-your-face-was, mind giving me a hand with this?”

Yoshimitsu-sempai nodded, drawing his magical katana. With a couple of surprisingly elegant gestures, the hydra’s corpse was neatly sliced into large chunks of meat. He sheathed it, and opened the lower hatch of his mask, revealing a rather scarred mouth.
“Let’s get cooking.” 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After we’d had our fill of hydra, the six of us sat around a campfire that we’d built and I had lit. I was helping out with practical things, yay! 

“So,” head ninja guy (we'd learned that his name was Josh, but 'head ninja guy' sounded cooler in my head) said, “What’s your dimension like? Is it an alternate Equestria, or are you from Earth too?”

I took a puff of my joint reflectively. “Well, we’re from Earth. We bought things at a con- I bought this ring,” here I indicated my Sasori crystal ring on my left thumb, “and Yoshimitsu-sempai bought his sword.” 
Yoshimitsu shuddered. “Then, hambeasts practically attacked us, and we had to get out of there lickety-split. Next thing we know, poof, Equestria.” 

“Funny, a similar thing happened to me.” he said, obviously remembering it from a long time ago. “We were also at a con and bought stuff, but for us it was the Apple of Eden. It plonked me here about one thousand years ago and I got turned to stone. After that, these guys started showing up later. Ed arrived around two hundred and fifty years after me, then Dave five hundred, and Rob one thousand, which is how we escaped.” Wow, that must be really harsh on them.

“So,” Ed said. “You’re on a multi-dimensional roadtrip now? Been anywhere interesting?”

I waved my hand a bit, neither confirming or denying. “Nah, not really. Navigating the Equestrian multiverse is difficult enough, but we manage.” 
Yoshimitsu nodded. “It’s kind of crazy. Anyway.” He pulled out a chunk of a faintly glowing white rock. I recognised the Soapstone. 
“We don’t need this anymore, so I guess you can have it.” 

“What is it?” Josh asked, reaching out for it. “Soapstone?... Why is there a chunk missing from it?” he asked, before remembering what Yoshimitsu-sempai had said earlier about receiving powers from it. “Wait, this is the stuff that gave you magic eyes, isn’t it?... Well if it worked for you…” he said, putting the soapstone in my mouth. However, Yoshimitsu quickly reached over. Thank god, that was pretty insane... insanely awesome, that is. I had changed my mind about the whole 'eating soapstone thing' because eh, live and let live.
“Whoa, that is crazy shit you’re talking about there, partner. Here.” I pulled out a bottle of vodka. 
“Wash it down with this.”

“Alrighty then.” he said. He then put the soapstone in his mouth and bit down, taking a chunk out of it. He chewed for a couple of seconds, before taking a swig of the vodka and swallowing. He immediately started coughing.

“Christ on a bicycle!” Josh said. “What, did you put acid in this?” It was at that point that he started glowing and clenched at his gut. 

“...That doesn’t feel too good.” he said, and promptly blacked out. While out, he lit up like a Christmas tree, and we were actually concerned. We put him in the recovery position while his friends fussed over him.

When he came to, he saw Rob, Ed, and Dave standing over him with concern. “How long was I out?” He asked, while we were busy with tinkering with bringing the Pussywagon here.

“About ten seconds.” Dave said. “But you were glowing.”

As one, we both shrugged. Yoshimitsu-sempai spoke first. ”Eh, it’s probably nothing. Now.” 
Yoshimitsu grinned. “For a limited time only, I will be bestowing the chakra power on anybody who wants it. I should warn you though, it will hurt like a bitch.”
“And not you Josh, sorry. You kind of ate some soapstone. Hope you understand.” Truth was, we didn't know what eating soapstone would do to us if we ate it and then gave chakra. it might kill him, or turn him into an unholy fusion of soapstone and man, doomed to live a tortured and pained life.

“...Not really.” Josh said. “But sure, whatevs. I’m not about to argue with cross-dimensional ninjas.”

“Sooo…” Dave said. “What exactly is this ‘chakra’?”

“I think it’s like inner energy or something.” Ed said. “It lets people control things like fire and water, and does a whole bunch of other weird shit. Not sure what type we’ll end up with, though. I never watched much Naruto, but personally I’m hoping for wind.”

Yoshimitsu-sempai nodded. “Then by the power of my hand, I give you… THE CHAKRA POWER!” 
With that, he slammed a hand on Ed’s head and green energy flowed through him. Impressively, Ed only screamed for a couple of minutes before collapsing. Huh, Mally and Big Man had screamed for about five times that length, he's got some good pain tolerance. Yoshimitsu looked around. “Huh, didn’t work. Right, who else wants some?” Oh, that was kind of a shame. Maybe it'll work the next time?

Dave and Rob backed away slowly. “Nah, I uh, think I’m good.” Said Dave.

Rob nodded his agreement. “I’m with Dave on this one, that does not look good.”

“Suit yourself.” Josh said, standing up and looking at the sun. “It’s probably time for us to move on anyway; the guards’ll be hot on our tail by now. It was fun meeting you guys, though. Maybe we’ll see each other again someday.”

We waved. We were going to miss the Hoody Convention. “That’s okay; we totally understand. Laters!” With that, we climbed back into the Pussywagon, and drove off. I focused my Kamui onto ourselves, and we warped straight into The Void, ready for more adventures.