95.1
“Sleipnir?” Twilight asked, nervously. “Do you have a moment?”
The admin turned from his drink (a plasmated ion residue in cordial, exactly the kind of thing that wouldn't be possible for a mortal pony to drink. He'd got a good recommendation off of Spike for it.) “Certainly, Twilight. What can I help you with?”
“Well...” Twilight rummaged in her Pocket and pulled out a sheet of paper. “Okay, I tried to work out how much... experience, my memory has. You know, because I've lived a really long time counting all the loops, and while I can remember some of it better than other bits, there seems to be a lot of knowledge in there.”
“Ah, I see.” Sleipnir looked over the calculations. “Yes, that's about right.”
“Well, that's the thing.” Twilight tapped the side of her head. “I'm fairly sure this is still metabiological, and I can't store that much information unless the data storage density is pretty close to computronium.”
The eight-legged horse deity contemplated that for a moment. Then he took a sip of his drink, belched fire (politely) and put the glass down. “Right. I did wonder if you'd worked that side of it out. Well, you're right. That is more information than your brain can hold.”
“So...” Twilight prompted.
“So we use your local brain as... well, the word 'client' is wrong but convenient. It's all there, and the stuff you're actually using is loaded to your local memory, but things you didn't have any idea you might need sometimes take a moment to be loaded. It's functionally identical to having to rack your brains to remember something.” Sleipnir smiled weakly. “All I can say is, it does work. And we did do tests back when we first set the system going – there's no difference between one kind of memory and another from your point of view.”
“Oh.” Twilight digested that. “Well, that's vaguely unsettling, but mainly because it sounds all a bit Celest-AI-ish. How do the situations with Lyra and Ditzy tie into that model?”
“Lyra... well, pushing the analogy too far, all her requests to the 'server' come back with more information than she was after.” Sleipnir shrugged helplessly. “We're trying to patch it, but whatever she did means we're having to parse core dumps. You do not want to see a core dump from an Yggdrasil client server...”
“I'll take your word for it. And Ditzy?”
“We just don't know either.” An eight-legged shrug. “Honestly, since she seems perfectly happy, that one's a long way down the priority list.”
“Right, I can see why that would be.” Twilight grinned. “Okay, I've kept you long enough. Go enjoy your time off.”
“Aye, aye, Anchor.” The eldest son of Asgard's trickster saluted, and swept up the drink he'd left in a spare leg. “Actually, is there a Wonderbolts show on?”
Seeing her surprise, he bobbed his head. “I'm as impressed by what mortals do in baseline as anything. Achievements like that in such a short time...”
95.2
“Hey, Twilight?” Spike asked, as she put the book down.
“Yes?” Twilight replied, turning.
“Well... I noticed something about this loop.” Spike frowned, then nodded. “Just confirmed. Zecora, Berry, Trix, Chrysalis and Gilda are all Awake too.”
“Ah, I see. Second team?” Twilight was already thinking of strategies. “Fine by me. Go ahead and let the others know.”
Spike began fire-sending messages.
Around two that afternoon, in Ponyville, a large, complicated cart wheeled into town drawn by two bickering ponies and one stoically silent zebra.
“Wotcha,” called a griffin from the cart's second story lookout. “We're the travelling circus.”
“...that's a circus?” Roseluck asked, dubious.
“No, that's a cart full of things and stuff. The circus is the sorry lot we are.” She flared her wings and dove off the cart, coming to a neat four-point landing just in front of the ongoing argument. “Oh, just kiss and make up already, you two.”
The blue unicorn and black-green pegasus left off their arguing for long enough to make rude gestures at her, then went right back to bickering.
“They just do it so they don't have to contemplate how lucky they are to have each other,” the griffin stage-whispered. “Anyway, we've got some stuff to sell, some things to buy, and some complicated acquaintances to discharge here in Ponyville. My name's Gilda, these two are Chrys and Trix, the rhyming one is Zecora – she does a nice line in hangover cures – and together we are... mostly unemployed.”
She stretched, cricking her neck. “But enough of that, I've been working hard all day. Where's the pub?”
“Excuse me?” Trix broke off her argument to start a new one, because she was able to multi-task like that. “You haven't done any work since we set off this morning.”
“I've been looking out. It's an important job, lookout. Really.”
The others gave her dubious looks.
“If any believed that 'round here, Trix would sell them a bridge, I fear,” Zecora said, thus demonstrating that she could in fact rhyme.
“Did somepony ask where the pub was?” asked local hard-drinking mare Berry Punch.
“Oh, cool, you know where it is?” Gilda replied. “Shush, guys, I think I found a pub.”
“Good,” Chrys remarked. “I'm parched.”
“Well, not so much is as... will be,” Berry hedged. “Give me half an hour for the renovation work.”
“When that is done, we start the fun.” Zecora nodded to herself. “I'll pay the fee – first drinks on me.”
“And how did you say they'd recruited you?” Twilight asked dubiously.
“They challenged me to a drinking contest.” Spike grinned. “Easy. And they're settling into Ponyville life like they've always been here. Turns out, buying everyone in town about ten drinks each is perfect for making them feel warm and fuzzy towards you...”
As soon as Nightmare Moon had left, Trixie clambered onto a table.
“Attention, ponies of Ponyville!” she called. “I, the great and unbelievably humble Trixie-”
“The idea that you're humble is indeed unbelievable,” Chrysalis muttered.
Trixie ignored her. “And her entourage, will solve this crisis!”
“Are we an entourage?” Gilda asked, frowning. “I thought we were a corporation.”
“Details!” Trixie pronounced. “Come! We canter for justice!”
“Can I fly for justice instead?” Gilda requested.
“I second that,” Spike lent his own two bits.
“Fine.” Trixie gave them a quick glare. “Those with wings may fly for justice instead.”
“I could have done that,” Chrysalis grumbled good-naturedly as Spike carried them all down from the cliff.
“Yeah, I know,” Spike replied, wings flaring as he alighted. “But this was easier. You snooze, you lose.”
“Zecora?” Trixie said, a note of fear in her voice. (It was for the audience.) “What are these things?”
Zecora sniffed, disdaining the reaching branches. She then took out a vial, splashed some on a tree-limb, and noted the colour of the smoke.
Then she cleared her throat.
“I think I understand your fear.
But there is no true evil here.
This nasty confusion
Is but an illusion
Now just use dispel magic, dear.”
Trixie gave her a look, then flared her horn and fired off a spell.
The hemispherical wave of countermagic licked over the motley group, passing over Chrysalis' disguise without a blip. It then slammed into the evil trees, and made them vanish.
“A limerick? Really?” Trixie demanded, seeming honestly offended.
Zecora shrugged.
“My turn!” Gilda announced, running forwards with Thunder Edge flashing out of nowhere to hover across her back. “Oh, it's been ages since I got to have one of these!”
The manticore roared at her.
Gilda roared back, then got to work.
Five complicated (and probably Not Safe For Fluttershy) minutes later, Gilda knocked the thorn clean out of the manticore's paw with a sword blow that hit like a freight train.
The manticore showed its gratitude by passing out. Gilda hadn't actually used the edge of her lightning sword on it, but the flat had still given it a hay of a beating.
“Well?” she asked, rejoining the others.
Spike waved a claw. “Three out of five.”
“Watch it, scalebutt.”
“My poor moustache!” the sea serpent moaned. “I was so close to breaking the record!”
“Yeah, that's pretty harsh,” Berry agreed. “Another beer?”
“Yes please.” Steven sniffed, then took the proffered keg, scored the lid open with a claw, and took a swig.
Berry waited five seconds, then nodded to herself at the thud.
“Okay, he should be out for the rest of the day,” she called. “That was azerotropic ethanol with food colouring, and he was pretty close to passing out anyway.”
“This feels kind of like cheating,” Chrysalis mused. “Which I'm all for.”
“Come with us...” a voice whispered through the fog. “We're much better than your silly friends...”
“Why?” Chrysalis asked, as she reconnected the bridge.
“We're... clowns!” The three figures in the mist stepped forward, revealing ridiculously big shoes and red noses.
Chrysalis actually giggled. She stopped after a second, mortified, and looked over her shoulder in case Trixie had heard.
Hoping that Trixie had indeed missed her giggle, she turned back to the pegasus clowns. “By the way, I'm an empath. My defences show my deepest wish as being to join the circus.”
As that was being processed, she gave them all a quick psi-bolt each and they dissipated.
“You actually giggled?” Trixie asked, trotting across the bridge to stand beside her.
Chrysalis blushed. “Oh, shut up.”
Trixie made a grand gesture. “Spike showed his Loyalty by growing to the size of a large whale! Chrysalis showed her Kindness by putting up with me! Zecora showed her Generosity by paying for the first round at the bar! Berry showed her Laughter by making up some really rather good puns for the names of her cocktails! And Gilda showed her honesty by beating up a Manticore!”
Nightmare Moon gaped. “Those are not virtuous acts.”
Trixie shrugged. “I think you'll find everyone who knows me considers putting up with me for more than ten minutes to be an inherently virtuous act. Oh, by the way, the sixth element is Magic. Boom.”
It was, perhaps, more desultory a speech than normal, but with six reasonably experienced Element users behind it it certainly worked.
“...so, anyway,” Twilight explained some minutes later to a rather startled Celestia, “I found some friends, and they dealt with Nightmare Moon. This is Trixie, the Element of Magic-”
Trixie nodded. “Your enormous exploding ball of plasma-ship.”
“-ignore that, she's a little obsessed... this is Chrysalis, the Element of Kindness.”
“Charmed.” Chrysalis fluttered her wings and smiled. “Queen of the Changelings.”
“This is Gilda, Element of Honesty.”
“That's right,” Gilda confirmed. “Element of brutal honesty, here. And, to be brutally honest, heh, your plan here was kinda betting that you'd be able to pull together an element team. Pre-tty risky.”
“I did have a backup,” Celestia said, stung.
“Really?” Gilda popped a lollipop into her mouth. “What was it?” she mumbled slightly.
“Defeat my sister in one-on-one combat, so as to buy time for Twilight – who I hoped would be able to form the elements.” Celestia winced. “I must admit, it is not the best plan...”
“This is Berry Punch. She's the Element of Laughter.” Twilight decided to try to smooth over the tricky situation.
“I do alcohol and alcohol accessories,” Berry said, bobbing her head. “Mind if I look through the castle? I think there could be some alcohol in here that's been fermenting since Luna was co-regnal.”
“Of course,” Celestia replied.
“You know Spike, of course,” Twilight continued. Celestia tried to say something about how she wasn't used to his being the size of a barn, but Twilight talked over her. “He's the Element of Loyalty. And this is Zecora. She's a zebra, and the Element of Generosity.”
“I have generous discounts, though not offered out to viscounts.”
The others glanced at her. The zebra replied by holding up a sign which had a long, fine-print diatribe about the difficulty of coming up with rhymes on the fly.
“...very well, then,” Celestia concluded. “I can see Equestria is in... reasonably safe hooves. Now, I must invite you to the – belated – Summer Sun celebration, which shall also be the welcome return of my sister. Twilight, were the preparations completed?”
“Yep.” Twilight held up a large scroll. “Listed, checked and ticked.”
“She's an evil enchantress!” Pinkie volunteered. “Or so they say. But why should evil be bad for business? Great discounts on potions, philters, magic and spells. On hexes and curses, on well-shielded purses, on prophecies, witches and tells!”
“...what?” Applejack asked, blinking.
“It's on the business card, look.” Pinkie hoofed it over.
“...huh. So it is.”
“Okay, again!” Gilda bellowed. “Ten times around Ponyville in four minutes!”
Dash panted. “Do I have to? I'm exhausted, Gils!”
“Dash,” Gilda replied, sternly. “I know you. You're awesome. But you've also got a pretty lackadasical attitude to the whole issue of training. See, as I see it, the only pony who can win you that Young Fliers cup is you. And you're the only one who can lose it, as well. Do you want to live with yourself if you lose that cup because you didn't try hard enough?”
“...guess not, no.” Dash spread her weary wings. “Okay, I'll give it a go.”
“A go isn't enough, Dash.” Gilda walked closer. “You're the only pony to do a Sonic Rainboom in the last century and more. And you did it when you were, what, ten? Twelve? So you've got the natural talent. Spitfire, Soarin', they're not as naturally fast as you. They're Wonderbolts because of how much effort they put in, and because they're confident. Really confident. They know what they can do. So you need to know what you can do. No second guessing because you're not sure you can push yourself as hard as you need to go. Just push yourself, and you'll find out how fast you were at the other end! Now git!”
Dash rocketed off, leaving a trail of rainbow and puzzlement.
Gilda nodded to herself. That should have given her a kick up the backside...
“You're... you're... you're my best mate, you are!” Silver Star announced, exchanging his hat for the headdress of his Buffalo counterpart. “All'a this... this... stuff, with the apples... it doesn't even matter! We'll put the apple trees on the other side of the village!”
“How?” the Buffalo chief asked, then hiccuped.
“Same way we planted 'em,” Silver Star declared, and fell over.
“Anyone want another bottle of my Diplomatic Daiquiri?” Berry Punch offered.
“That's not really solving the problem,” Twilight said critically.
“Why not?” Trixie asked, as the CMC held up placards with numbers on them. “Got rid of the dragon, didn't it?”
“Along with a substantial fraction of the mountain, yes,” Twilight allowed. “But he's going to land somewhere, and he'll be really annoyed...”
They both cast silence spells as the wall of overpressure from the explosion reached them.
“Where pony go?” Fido asked, confused.
“Not sure,” a black-furred diamond dog replied. “I go check.”
“Good,” Rover said.
About a minute passed.
“Wait,” Spot asked, raising a paw. “Who she?”
Chrysalis walked out of the Diamond Dog mine, and reverted to her base form. “Piece of cake.”
Spike got the Hydra in a head-head-head-head-headlock, bashed all four heads against the ground, and throttled it until it went limp.
“Okay, done!” he called, and the ponies of Ponyville gradually came out of hiding.
“That was awesome!” Dash enthused.
“Well...” Spike waved a paw and smiled. “I try.”
(via Masterweaver)
"Well, ladies, here we are," Spike deadpanned. "It's the most famous party in Equestria, and it's probably going to be... The Weirdest Night Ever!"
And instantly a heartsong grabbed them all...
"At the gala, let's be honest, I'm just here for the foo-ood!" Gilda admitted, adjusting her red trimmed white dress. "I'm going to stuff all I can down my gulleeeeeet!"
"What a glutton!" chimed a pony.
"I don't like these prissy ponies, but free snacks are precious things!" the griffon continued. "So for the sake of my empty stomach, I'm willing to bite the bulleeeeeeet!"
"The best caterers do serve here," admitted the crowd, "Right here at the Gala! At the gala!"
"At the gala," sang the tribally-dressed Zecora, "there are poets, and to them I wish to speak!"
"Finest wordsmiths!"
"I will ask them once and for all why their rhymes are all so weak!"
"Such arrogance!"
"If I can't teach them true art, then I simply will not have done my pa-aart!"
"Always ponies with ideas that crash this glorious party..." the crowd grumbled. "She will cause a disturbance right here at the Gala! At the Gala!"
"At the gala, everypony, will see the great Trixie!" The magician twirled her cape and matchingly exorbitant dress. "They will be amazed at my great performance!
"Run for cover!" screamed the ponies nearest her as several fireworks went off.
"My explosive and amazing show will stun them all! Though of course I'll save Chrysalis one quite well earned slow daaaaaaaance!"
"Dear Luna we don't know what is worse, the mare's tricks or that she can breed – no wait, her date is female, the night's saved at the Gala! At the Gala!"
"I've been plotting, anticipating, this night with quite cunning mind," Chrysalis explained, flicking her silky dress. "I've got ponies to manipulate, though I'll stare at Trix's behind. Policy is going to change, cause I want equal rights for my kind! After all, the noble families are all here right now!"
"Well one of them has the right idea at the very least... bribes and deals are often cut right here at the Grand Gala!"
"I'm here at the Grand Gala, where they serve the rarest wines," sang a mare in a lacy black dress, "And every flavor there is will be tasted by Berry Pu-unch! I'm going to get so boozed up so I'm glad I left my filly behind; I love her but I don't want her to see me losing my lu-unch!"
"That's inappropriate talk at the Gala! At the Gala!"
"At the gala, watching these five, is where I'm going to be!" Spike grumped, straightening out his tux. "I'm sure Celestia invited them just to torment me! This band of misfit crazies are just going to cause a ruckus, wait and seeeeee!"
"This might be the strangest night EVER!" the crowd acknowledged. "Into the Gala, we must go! We're ready now, we're all aglow. Into the Gala, let's go in and have the best night ever! Into the Gala, now's the time – We're ready and we look divine!"
The whole assemblage finally came into sight of the palace's main gates.
"Into the Gala--"
"Eat it all!"
"Into the Gala--"
"Save art my part!"
"Into the Gala--"
"For the show!"
"Into the Gala--"
"Changeling rights!"
"Into the Gala--"
"Alcohol!"
"Omnom!"
"Rhyme time!"
"Trixie!"
"For change!"
"Free beer!"
"Oh no..."
"Into the Gala, into the Gala, who let in all this RIIIIIIF RAAAAAAF? At the Gala!"
Twilight lidded her eyes. "Cute, guys. Real cute."
(Masterweaver)
"I'm sorry, but this is legally binding." Celestia managed to keep her amusement completely hidden. "At least for the next three months."
"But auntiiiiiie! I can't go down to such a provincial town! And I was intoxicated when I signed the documents!"
"Then you shouldn't have gotten so drunk at the gala," Celestia replied simply. "Honestly, Blueblood, I think this will do you good. Zecora, take care of your new butler for me."
"I can promise I will treat him well for as long as he is under my spell." Zecora grinned, turning away. "Now come along, Blueblood my dear, and be prepared to swallow your fear. We march to Everfree for herbs and leaves to make my potions on coming eves!"
"This is all that purple mare's fault somehow..." Blueblood grumbled.
“So, you're the Element of Honesty?” Discord asked, looking the griffin before him up and down.
“Yeah.” Gilda nodded, baring her talons. “What's it to you?”
“Well...” he snapped his claws together, materialized next to Gilda, and poked her in the forehead. “Time to-”
There was a flash of green fire, and a changeling flopped to the floor.
“Oh, come on!” Discord said forcefully. “That's the fifth time!”
“So,” asked four Trixies at once. “Which of us is real?”
The draconequus looked around at the four sets of three ponies, one changeling, one griffin and one dragon each surrounding him.
“Oh, I don't know,” he groused. “Give me a clue.”
“The answer is,” one said, and then all four continued.
“Trick question!”
Rainbow light erupted from directly overhead.
“So, who wants to try to redeem him?” Gilda asked, as the statue was winched back into place.
“I might try,” Berry offered. “Get him drunk enough?”
“Dear Twilight,” Twilight read aloud.
“Please stop sending me friendship reports. It is becoming increasingly clear that they will all, for the forseeable future, be about why explosives are not toys.
Yours, Princess Celestia.”
Trixie winked. “At least now you know you don't have to send any!”
“True.”
“This isn't really in the spirit of the Sisterhooves Social, you know,” the organizer noted with disapproval.
Chrysalis looked puzzled. “What? They're all female, at least for the sake of argument, and they are certainly all siblings.”
Behind her, five hundred pairs of changelings waited uncertainly.
“Now, remember,” Trixie was telling some of them, “When you start, all shout 'for the swarm!' at once. It'll be hilarious.”
“Okay, Dash,” Gilda said, lying back on the chair in her hospital room. “I get that you're bored. But have you tried reading something?”
“I've never met a book I liked,” Dash replied, shaking her head. Then wincing, as that tugged on her wing.
“You'll like this one.” Gilda dropped a novel on her bedside table.
Dash picked it up. “Who's Iris Drake?”
Gilda grinned. “Oh, someone I met once. You'll like her style.”
“I'm going to go on a quest to find out my true nature!” Spike announced.
“Don't you already know your true nature?” Twilight asked.
“Because other dragons aren't nice, I want to find out if I'm really like other dragons,” he continued, as though she hadn't spoken. “Do not wait for me, fair Equestrians, for I know not how long I will be gone.”
Spike spread his wings, then his whole body, grew to about fifty feet long, and launched off to where the dragons had gone.
Five minutes later, he flew back over the horizon.
“Weren't you looking for your true nature?” Trixie asked.
“Meh, got bored.” Spike held up a paw, in which was a tiny baby phoenix. “I found this guy, though. He's so cute!”
Fluttershy squee'd.
“Just drink this,” Berry said. “It'll give you confidence.”
“What is it?” Fluttershy asked, wings flexing nervously as she contemplated what she'd have to do.
“Liquid courage. Also ginger, a bit of bahgol, and a Potion of Bull's Strength.”
Fluttershy took the mug, and gave a dubious sniff. “It smells potent.”
“It's like medicine,” Berry mostly-explained. “Go on, it's great.”
The pegasus took a sip, slowly and carefully.
“Well, we got the water up to Cloudsdale,” Dash allowed. “Also Fluttershy broke the sound barrier.”
Berry grinned uneasily. “Well... mission fulfilled?”
“This cake, the ZZZZ, is my greatest work, you see. It tastes for me like plum – but changes for your tongue.”
Pinkie raised an eyebrow. “Really? 'cause that doesn't sound cake-ysically possible.”
Zecora gave her a look. “And you presume to lecture me on what can be confectionery?”
“Fair enough! Can I try some?”
Zecora nodded.
Pinkie picked up a spoon, took the tiniest portion of the cake onto the bowl of the spoon, and tasted it.
Her eyes unfocused. “So... much... sugar...”
THUMP.
“Well, that went well,” Shining said, apropos of nothing much, as he and his new wife entered their suite.
“Why do you say that, Shiny?” Cadence asked. “I thought it was very well planned out, yes, but why mention it?”
“...not sure, actually,” Shining admitted. “I just thought I'd say it went well.”
“Goof,” she informed him with a grin.
“Didn't you have an appointment somewhere today?” Trixie asked.
“Nope,” Chrysalis replied. “Not at all.”
“Okay. Just checking.” She yawned. “Hey, turn the heat up a notch, will you? This jacuzzi's feeling a bit cool.”
“And that,” Trixie said smugly, “is that.”
The crystal ponies looked at her, and her entourage. They then looked at the moon, which had a scowling face on it.
One of them raised a hoof. “Er... are any of you princesses?”
“I'm a queen,” Chrysalis volunteered.
“Good enough. What's your name?”
“Chrysalis.”
“All hail Empress Chrysalis of the Crystal Empire!”
Chrysalis' jaw dropped.
Seeing her in a state of bafflement, her five friends decided to capitalize on this, and took photos.
“Wait, no,” she protested, once she'd recovered. “I'm already busy with one queendom. I can't rule your Empire as well-”
The crystal ponies muttered amongst themselves. The general sentiment was that that was a dreadful shame, because it would have worked out quite well.
“Help me out here, Trix!” Chrysalis hissed.
Trixie pondered. “Do I have to? I like the idea of being empress consort-”
“Trixie!”
“Okay, fine.” Trixie turned. “Spike? Can you send a letter to Princess Cadence? I think we might have a job for her. It should stop Celestia from moaning about her lazing around the palace, too...”
“Celestia doesn't moan about that,” Gilda commented.
“She might.”
“Hm.” Discord looked himself up and down, then left and right, forwards and backwards, and in and out for good measure. “I'm less made-of-stone than I expected.”
Berry Punch stepped forward, her Element glittering. “Hi, Discord. I have volunteered to try to redeem you.”
Discord sniggered.
“No, seriously. Look, it's this or we turn you back to stone and find some pigeons.”
The draconequus stopped laughing. “You wouldn't dare.”
“Actually, I think we would. Guys?”
Trixie nodded. “Yep.”
“It's delightfully clever, isn't it?” Chrysalis mused.
“I know a few such feathered friends
and what comes out of their-”
“Ahem!” Spike coughed.
Gilda shook her head. “I voted for hitting you with a sword until you got brain undamage. I was overruled.”
“Right.” Discord took a second look at the other Elements. “How would the rest of you try to redeem me?”
“Explosions!” Trixie carolled.
Chrysalis shot her a tender look, then cleared her throat. “A careful plan of research to discover what you liked, using telempathy, and then giving you small but meaningful rewards whenever you made positive progress. Also an army.”
“I'd probably use the force,” Spike decided. “And Zecora would give you some medicine that was foul tasting and a metaphysical purgative.”
“I cannot deny it. I would indeed try it.”
“I see.” Discord stroked his beard. “On balance, I'm going home with the drunk.”
“Can you do... a fish?”
Discord snapped his claws. A very thin line appeared, which rotated until it became clear it was a flounder.
“Flatfish,” he explained, as it swam off through the air. As it moved away, the two dimensional fish thinned once more to near invisibility.
Ruby Pinch clapped. “Yay! Now do a chicken!”
A puff of smoke, and Scootaloo appeared in the kitchen.
“What the-” she managed, before vanishing again.
“Whoops,” Discord said, chuckling. “Let's try that again.”
This time, a chicken the size of an apple appeared. It crowed a very high-pitched crow, and vanished leaving behind an egg.
“I thought cockerels didn't lay eggs...” Ruby said slowly.
“I was never one for biology,” Discord shrugged.
“Well, you two are getting on well,” Berry observed, trotting into the room.
“She amuses me,” Discord announced. “I'm only doing it because I need a laugh.”
“Well, laughter is kind of my thing,” Berry replied. “You know. The kind of laughter when something that's normally not the least bit amusing seems just hilarious, because you're about two percent the right side of sloshed. Or the kind of laughter that happens when friends relax together, too.”
“What about the kind of maniacal laughter that happens when an evil scheme is fulfilled perfectly?” Discord asked. “That's my favourite kind.”
“There's a drink for that,” she replied with a grin. “Tell you what. After Ruby's gone to bed, I'll show you.”
“Is it bedtime already?” Ruby asked, a slight hint of whine in her voice.
“Of course not,” Discord replied, snapping his claws again. The sun shot back to the middle of the sky.
Muffled cursing could be heard from Twilight's tree library, where Luna was staying while Discord was in Ponyville.
“Put it back,” Berry said, with an indulgent smile.
“So,” Discord asked, half an hour later once Ruby had gone to bed. “What was that you said about a drink?”
Berry gave him a look. “If I was a suspicious pony, I'd say you were playing so nicely with my daughter to make me try and forget that you're going to be trying to escape and go on a rampage.”
Discord looked shifty.
“But I'm a simple town drunk, so what do I know.” Berry Punch shrugged, and opened a cupboard. Inside was a simple wooden keg.
“What's that?” Discord asked.
“My greatest achievement to date.” Berry put the keg reverently on the table. “You've heard of the Campaign for Real Ale?”
“Only by stealing a newspaper while you weren't looking.”
“Well, this is Real Ale. It is the platternic ideal of a drink brewed from barley,” she elaborated, referencing the great scholar On-a Platter and his theory that images of perfect things were just handed to you without having to do research.
“Sounds interesting.” With a flash of chaos magic, a tumbler and a long bendy straw appeared. “What's the deal?”
“Drinking contest. I pass out, you go free. You pass out, then you have to behave. Deal?”
Discord shook on it. Then he stepped off it and shook her hoof. “Fine, then.”
Berry's eyes cracked blearily open.
There seemed to be an awful lot of scraggly hair in her face.
“Mummy,” the voice of her daughter cut through her hangover, making her wince. “Is mister Discord my new daddy?”
The words took a back-woods route into Berry's brain, resulting in a delay of nearly ten seconds between the question being asked and it reaching her consciousness.
She took the question, added the beard in her face, multiplied by the fact she was entangled with something with four different kinds of limb she could feel, and reached a conclusion.
“...sure, why not.”
“Didn't see that coming...” Spike observed. “He sincere?”
“Yes, surprisingly,” Chrysalis supplied. “Who knew. Get Discord drunk enough, and look what happens...”
(Masterweaver)
"Do I have to?" Trixie whined. "I hate paperwork..."
Chrysalis sighed. "Look, we all know that the spell was meant to go to the crown originally. We can't break character this late in the game."
Spike cleared his throat. "And there's the fact that only two of us--"
"I would count three, including me."
"Sorry, Zecora, three of us--"
"Actually," Berry mused, "there was that one loop where Gilda was a griffon-alicorn hybrid."
Gilda shivered. "I still don't know how Sparkle pulled that off..."
Spike glowered. "....Four of us--"
"And a changeling queen is kind of a changeling alicorn," Trixie pointed out.
"I don't really see myself that way," Chrysalis mused. "Not even in 'cursed changeling' loops."
"So we're all able to go alicornish," Berry pondered. "Except Spike, unless you count Spikezilla."
"And with that, there goes my point," the dragon grumbled. "Anyway, we were trying to convince Trixie that she has to become a princess."
"Ruby Pinch!" Berry shouted. "I am not leaving my daughter for the throne. I'm out."
"As much as I'd like to help her, I've got a similar excuse with the swarm." Chrysalis shrugged. "I'll help with the paperwork though."
"Me and Spike aren't ponies, so us transforming would be weird." Gilda grinned. "Especially after Spike's already gone back and forth with Spikezilla."
Trixie looked to Zecora helplessly. "Racial equality? Maybe?"
"That spell requires a magic fount, which ponies have in no small amount. Alas, in this loop zebras rely on directing the power of earth and sky."
"Ugh, fine, I'll finish the spell." Trixie picked up the book. "...actually, what would happen if I cast the incomplete version?"
Her fellow bearers dogpiled on her instantly.
“Thank you, Princess.” Twilight took the stand to make a speech. “I think I speak for all of Ponyville, and much of Canterlot, when I describe the ascension of our newest Princess as... almost inevitable.”
Mass confusion greeted that opening line.
“Trixie Lulamoon is many things,” Twilight continued. “She's smart, powerful, and has a worrying lack of regard for her own personal safety. But she's got a certain strong sense of responsibility towards everypony – and everyone – else. When was the last time she hurt anyone, even in her blasts the size of a small city?”
Silence.
“Exactly. But she doesn't give a fig about making sure she's out of the blast zone. As such, within a few days of meeting her, I decided she was either going to become immune to explosions-”
“Resistant,” Trixie interrupted.
“Resistant, thank you... or she was going to be scattered in ten thousand tiny pieces all over Equestria by the time she was twenty-five.”
After thinking that over, the crowd decided Twilight had had a point.
Chrysalis took the podium next, and proceeded to embarrass her marefriend so thoroughly that her cheeks looked like she was wearing the alicorn amulet.
“So, let us take stock,” Trixie said quietly. “I've run out of explosives.”
Even after everything they'd been through with her, eyes widened on both other ponies, as well as the changeling, the dragon and the griffin.
“That's... never happened to me before,” she added in tones of slight wonderment. Then shook her head. “Anyway. I think we're all fairly beaten up.”
Nods.
“And we've had to surrender our Elements to the thing, to boot.” Trixie winced. “I still hate doing that, it makes me feel tired for the whole rest of the loop...”
“What now?” Chrysalis asked.
“Now...” Trixie considered. “Now, I think, we recover. Get our hooves, or other appropriate appendages, under us. And start manufacturing gunpowder.”
“Uh...” Berry raised a hoof. “Why gunpowder?”
“The grinding motions soothe me.”
“Excuse me?”
Spike looked up from roasting a sprig. (He liked the taste of charcoalized wood, it was never the same twice.) “Yes...” he paused, snapping his fingers. “Rarity... Belle, right? One of Twilight's friends.”
It hurt, to be distant. Especially after last time – an Arda loop, tens of thousands of years long, and one without his wife. At times, he wanted to be with her so much it hurt.
“Yes, that's right,” Rarity replied.
But he could do it. He had experience at this.
“So, what brings you to the library? Shall I go and get Twilight?”
“No!” Rarity said, quickly.
“...okay, then.” Spike mentally shrugged. “What is it, then? Want help with your business?”
“I...” Rarity slowed, and clenched her teeth for a moment. “Y... yes. Yes, I've got some heavy lifting to do, I'm afraid, and my own magic is rather better at detail work. Could I prevail upon your time, Mister Spykoran?”
Spike noticed the flash of... self-loathing? That ran across her face for a second, but wasn't entirely sure what to make of it.
“Sure,” he replied. “Hang on a sec, I'll write Twilight a note.”
“Right, there you go,” the dragon said with a grunt of effort, drake-handling the last crate of material into the boutique. “Anywhere in particular you want this?”
“Oh, just... put it in the back, -Spike,” she instructed, nearly tripping over a syllable before she said his name. “I shaln't need it moved so long as the top is visible – my magic is quite up to opening a crate.”
Spike dutifully put the crate down as instructed. “Okay, done.”
“Thank you very much,” Rarity said. “Now... I think we're done.”
Her voice carried a tone of regret, and a suspicion began to grow in Spike's thoughts.
“Spykoran...” she said, hesitantly. “I... would you like some tea?”
Once again, that brief expression of disgust at herself.
“Sure,” Spike agreed. “Tea would be nice. I'll take five sugars and some damaged needles.”
“Thanks for the drink,” Spike said, smiling.
“And thank you for your help,” Rarity returned. “I...”
She frowned briefly, then took a quick step forward and kissed him.
Startled, Spike reacted on instinct. He leaned into it, as his wife embraced him after so long apart-
Then he blinked, and shook himself out of her grasp. “Rarity-”
“Oh, I am sorry,” Rarity said, a blush flaring on her cheeks. “I... well, it's done now. I originally went to the library to ask you – not for help, but...”
The blush intensified.
“I wanted to ask you on a date. I was a coward, and I couldn't say it, but... I have now.”
Spike took a moment to process that. Then a moment more to try to work out how to respond.
How the hay do I react to that!?
“Rarity,” Spike began, “can you give me a moment?”
The problem facing Spike, right now, could be summed up simply.
What do you do when an alternate version of your wife reveals she has a crush on you and would like to go on a date with you?
Supplemental to that were further questions, like can you cheat on your wife with herself, can you lead someone who isn't awake on romantically and what do I even want?
“Cress, cress, cress,” he muttered to himself, pacing in small circles. “What do I do?”
“I could tell her that I've got a significant other already... but she'd want to know who this significant other is, and lying about it would make me feel... dirty.”
“Maybe if I say I'm not interested?” He sighed. “But... I am, that's half the problem. And it'd be a terrible let down for her.”
“If I just go along with it?” Spike grimaced. “Arguably worse. Is she my wife? Would it be being... well, disloyal... if I did go out with her? If I got romantically involved? And if she does count as my wife, would it be disloyal not to?”
The dragon, jedi master, and Element of Loyalty... felt a headache coming on.
“Okay.” Spike came back out of the kitchen, and sat on one of the chairs.
“This is going to sound crazy. But I can prove it, I swear.”
“Go on,” Rarity invited.
“Right. Well... I'm basically a time traveller. I've been caught in a time loop, along with some others, for... Tartarus, I've lost count.”
“Are the other elements-”
“Yes.” Spike nodded. “That's very quick of you. Yes, the Elements this time are all time loopers, like me.”
Rarity blinked. “This time?”
“Yes. The normal – the default – element bearers are Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Applejack... and you.”
“I was... an Element?” Rarity turned that over in her mind. “Which one?”
“Generosity. Funny thing, the first time 'round, I wasn't able to do... this,” he gestured at his body. “So I was a baby dragon. And I had a crush on you.” Spike's lips quirked up in a smile. “Funny how things work, isn't it?”
Rarity didn't reply.
“And... well, you're looping as well. And we eventually did fall in love, mutually, and... we married. So I'm married... but it's basically to you, or your... older? To your older self, and I've got no idea how to react to all this.” Spike's paw went to rub his forehead. “This is giving me a headache.”
“Not surprised,” Rarity managed to joke. “It's giving me one as well.”
Spike chuckled.
“So, there it is,” he said, after the silence stretched. “I don't know what to do, frankly, and sorry for throwing it all onto you. But-”
“Yes, I see.”
The unicorn frowned. “So... we're married?”
“Yes. Sort of. It's complicated.” Spike threw up his hands. “I haven't memorized the words Twilight came up with for this kind of situation – she calls it the future unpossible tense or something – but...”
Rarity nodded. “Quite.”
She took a few long, deep breaths, and then walked over to her dresser. Something glittered for a moment as she picked it up, and trotted back over with it.
“Here,” she said, offering it. “It's a diamond I found back when I started seriously thinking about asking you out. I was going to give it to you as a present at the end of the evening – which was a little silly of me, I suppose...”
“No, I like the idea,” Spike assured her. “A nice romantic gesture. You know, back the first time around, I gave you a fire ruby that I'd planned to eat for my birthday?” He smiled, thinking back over untold numbers of loops. “You wore it a lot after that. It made me hopeful.”
“That's a nice story.” Rarity held the gem out. “Here. You may as well take it, then.”
“Rarity-”
“Really. I insist.” She smiled, wanly. “Call it... a birthday present.”
Spike took it, admiring how it refracted the sunlight. “Thanks. And thanks for taking this so well.”
“Not at all.” Rarity managed a giggle this time. “If I have to lose, at least I can lose to myself.”
A grin broke out on Spike's face. Then he tentatively raised a claw. “Actually... I was wondering. Would I be able to treat you to dinner at some point?”
He gave an apologetic shrug. “I know it's not much... but if you do enjoy spending time with me, then I've got time to spend. And since you know...”
“Thank you. I believe I will take you up on that offer.”
“Why... isn't this... working,” Trixie panted, horn still crackling.
Tirek chuckled. “You really should pay attention, 'Princess'. I took the magic of the Captain of the Guard, and so I can shield myself from those explosive devices of yours. And as for the magical ones... well, I drain magic. You use magic. Simple, isn't it?”
Trixie ground her teeth. “Chryssy?”
The changeling stepped up next to her. “Yes?”
“Mind recharging me, love?”
“Not at all.” Chrysalis leaned in and touched horns with Trixie. A faint blue-green shimmer built around the point of contact, and slowly brightened.
“That's as much as I've got left,” Chrysalis said, after nearly two full minutes. “Don't waste it.”
“Never,” Trixie replied, then turned back to Tirek. Her Device, Loki, burst into being on her foreleg. “Okay, let's try this again.”
“I look forward to it,” Tirek invited, smiling the smile of the certain.
“You know he's basically invulnerable to your usual thing, right?” Chrysalis whispered.
“Yep.” Trixie's grin was not a nice one. “So I'm not doing the usual thing.”
Her wings flared, and she shot upwards.
“Moment of Prescience. Foresight. Choose Destiny. Know Vulnerabilities. Assay Spell Resistance.”
High over Ponyville, Trixie cast spells as fast as they could flow through her horn.
When explosions failed, Trixie could – reluctantly – face that a change of approach was needed. Specifically, rather than learn everything by doing and guesswork with a side order of risk, she was... doing the research.
“Right, that's good to know...” she murmured, as a growing web of divination spells analyzed Tirek's defences. “Lots of antimagic, but I knew that already. Hm, active defences? Ah, a shield – looks like one of Shining's, so he was telling the truth...”
Unfortunately, there was only so much that divinations could tell her. What it came down to was, she was essentially armed with an extremely well-made spear, and her opponent was armoured like a battleship.
“Okay,” Trixie sighed, coming down to land. “I'm out of ideas. Whatever else I pull off is just going to make this take longer. Go ahead, take all I've got left.”
The others gasped.
“Trixie-”
“Shut up!” she shouted, tears starting in her eyes. “I don't know what to do, okay!? I... can't think of anything. And I...”
She slumped. “I'm tired.”
“Well, this does simplify things.” Tirek reached out, and gripped her wingtip.
Trixie almost instantly tinged slightly gray, and her cutie mark faded.
Tirek blinked. “Not as much as I'd have expected, from an alicorn princess...”
“Oh, yeah.” Trixie looked up. “That'd be because I specified all I had left.” A shrug. “That'd be, about enough to light a candle and make sparkly lights.”
She gestured back over her shoulder. “Now, him, on the other hand-”
Scorpan hit his brother like a meteorite.
“Fun thing,” Trixie said, smiling brightly. “It's not just you who can absorb magic.”
She turned, and something fell out of her hat.
“What's that?” Twilight asked.
“Oh, that?” Trixie picked it up in a hoof. “Scorpan insisted on paying for all the magic I gave him. It's a medallion – he seemed to think it was important, and, well...”
“That's great!” Twilight smiled. “You've got the last key.”
The current Element bearers exchanged glances.
“Key?” Spike asked, for all of them.
“Oh, right.” Twilight ducked, as some debris flew over her head from the centaur fight. “The first time I faced Tirek, it turned out that we'd each earned a key relating to our element. They're objects which glitter like rainbows when we get them, and they're used to-”
She broke off, staring into the distance. The others followed her gaze, and saw that Tirek was now using an entire tree as a club to beat Scorpan over the head with.
“Oh, oak and ash, not again...”
Berry squinted. “Isn't that...”
“Yes.” Twilight's eye twitched. “Every time...”
“Wait, when you said keys,” Spike asked slowly, reaching into his Pocket. “You mean like this?”
A small clear diamond emerged.
Twilight ignored her (now on fire) house with an act of will, and focused on the diamond.
“Yes, that feels like one. Where'd you get it from?”
“Rarity, actually – this Rarity, I mean.” Spike rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. “It was all a bit embarrassing...”
“What about this?” Gilda held out a shimmering gold pin. “Lightning Dust gave it to me after I helped her out.”
Twilight nodded. “Honesty, right enough.”
The other three brought out their tokens, one by one. A mirror-bright cloak clasp for Chrysalis; three rings on a cord for Zecora; and a small pearl for Berry.
“Okay, now – you know that box? The one from the Tree of Harmony?”
An embarrassed silence spread.
“...you never picked up the box, did you. Right, hold on a sec.” Twilight flashed out of existence.
“So these shine like rainbows?” Berry asked, holding her pearl up to the light. “Seems to be doing that all the time.”
“Same with mine,” Trixie volunteered, tilting it. “It's kind of like a CD – you know, the diffraction gratings formed by the pits...”
Twilight materialized again. “Okay, found it. Now, hold them out to the box, and they'll turn into keys, and-”
She stopped, and giggled. “Well, I don't want to spoil the surprise...”
“Because that's not ominous,” Trixie commented. “Okay, guys. One, two, three!”
Some time later, Twilight walked into the crystalline mountain that had replaced much of a field outside Ponyville.
“I have to say, I like the aesthetic,” she commented. “Kind of a mix of underground base and lair. Hi, Zecora!”
The zebra just gave her a look, the complicated spiral swirls all over her body only adding to the effect. “I look and feel like modern art. Could you not have warned of this part?”
“I wanted it to be a surprise,” Twilight defended. “Besides, it's something new. Something baseline, and new, and great fun. How rare is that?”
“Right. Quite.”
Twilight trotted briskly on, passing Berry Punch (who had something of a vine theme) and Gilda with every feather and hair half as long again as normal. (It actually looked rather rakish.)
Then she reached the main room.
“I look... ridiculous,” Chrysalis was saying, looking herself up and down. “I mean, come on.”
“I like it,” Trixie replied, inspecting her own starry fetlocks and wild hair. “Especially the bigger wings, they look good on you.”
“You're only saying that because you think everything looks good on me,” Chrysalis retorted. “You're right, though.”
Spike waved as Twilight came into view. “Hi, Twi. That was... different.”
“Imagine how I felt.” The unicorn tilted her head. “Are your claws...”
“Yeah, still smouldering.” Spike shrugged, his wings shifting and releasing a crackle of purple smoke. “At least I'm not actually on fire, though.”
“There is that.” Twilight turned in place, gazing around at the mountain. “You know, I wonder to what extent the Element users involved can change what the end product looks like...”
95.3
“Right, let's see...”
Twilight looked down at where the book had been. Then blinked.
“Okay, where'd that go?”
Muffled giggling came from a nearby tree.
Twilight sighed. “Pinkie.”
The pink party pony poked her head out of the tree, showing a beak had been taped to her face. Then she spread black-painted wings. “I'm a mag-pie!”
Twilight stifled a grin. “Oh, that's terrible. Are you a pegasus this time?”
“Yuperoonie!” Pinkie beamed. “Dashie's an earth pony this time. She's not awake, though, so boo.”
95.4
To whom it may concern,
Activities in this loop are considered to be restricted. This loop is a safe zone. While it is permissible to enact pranks, and we all know the feeling of having accidentally escalated past the bounds of our plans, we ask that all care be taken to limit harm caused by pranks to property damage and that which is easily and completely fixed. Mental intrusion is not considered to be okay; nor is physical damage; nor is anything which would have a permanent affect in general.
Yours,
Ivory Scroll (Mayor Mare).
P.S. Prank Limit Enforced By Alicorn.
“Well, this place is better organized than some worlds,” Ryuko commented, as she finished the letter and folded it back into the paper-crane shape it had arrived as. “You holding up okay, Senketsu?”
Mostly, her uniform replied. A dress, I can handle easily.
“It helps that they don't wear clothing much at all, here,” Ryuko admitted. “I feel less... exposed. Hey, isn't this where Cheerilee is from?”
“Probably,” her sister agreed. Her own kamui pulsed, then reshaped itself.
“...okay, I didn't even know you could make pony clothing do that,” Ryuko said. “Seriously. That looks... well, good on you. But we might be arrested.”
“I thought it through.”
With that, Satsuki's outfit went quiescent again.
“He never says much,” Satsuki said briskly. “Right, what now?”
“...hell if I know.” Ryuko pointed, flaring her wings. “Look, a clothes shop. Might be where that... Rarity? Works?”
“Worth a try.”
95.5
“I see you've taken another step up the ladder,” Twilight called up.
“Don't you mean the stairs?” Pinkie replied, grinning over the ship's rail. “We're ponies, you silly filly!”
“I blame too much time around humans. Request permission to come aboard?”
A fruit bounced down next to her. “Persimmon granted!”
“Okay, so... what is it?” Twilight asked.
“It's a baffleship!” Pinkie hit a switch, and the whole enormous construct turned transparent. “Bringing stealth parties to one and all, that's the PTAS Enjoyable way!”
Twilight nodded, rapping the deck with a hoof. “Steel?”
“Armoured steel, yup! I don't want the magazines to catch fire, 'cause I haven't read them all yet.”
“And a cloaking device... okay, I've put it off long enough. What kind of party projection capacity does this have?”
Pinkie hit the same button, and the ship returned to opacity. “Well, there's two triple turrets at the front – they've got ribbons on, because it's the bow, hee hee. And there's another triple turret at the back – I drew a snarly face on it, because-”
“Because stern, yes.” Twilight nodded. “I see. And what do the guns fire?”
“Same kind of large party munition as I normally use.” Pinkie shrugged. “If it ain't broke, don't fix it. No, the real cool thing is this! Watch!”
Pinkie went below. When Twilight turned to follow, the door slammed shut.
“...okay...”
The engines thrummed from standby to full power. Twilight peered over the edge, watching the water churned by the four huge screws.
Then began to realize just what Pinkie had done.
As she watched, the rushing, churning sound of the prop wash died away, replaced by a smooth whine as the screws bit into air.
And, heeling slightly with the wind, PTAS Enjoyable rose majestically into the sky.
“Like it?” Pinkie asked, now wearing a jaunty hat. “Where you had to go to the old parties, the new parties will come to you!”
She looked down. “Plus, I built it in a lake again, so this helps. Now, set course for Cloudsdale! It's Dashie's birthday, and I want to make sure there's cake!”
95.6 (Masterofgames)
Twilight had been busy lately. Her studies into the power of the arcane magic of the multiverse had at long last reached the point that she could call them 'good enough, for now anyway'. And what was she doing to celebrate? Resuming her studies of the spiritual magic of the multiverse, naturally!
Last night, she had been amazed to discover the similarities between zebra and buffalo mystics, and had joyfully gone on a study binge as she constructed her own sets of totems and ritualistic equipment from both cultures to compare them, using some handy beginner's level 'do it yourself' books. (Written by the famed author team of Globe Trotter and Artsy Crafts.)
Twilight had slept with a smile. She always felt great when she had a project to look foreward to when she woke up.
So it understandably took her a moment to notice the pony above her bed.
"Ah, friend Twilight! Thou art awake! We are most elated!" an unawake Luna beamed down at her, despite her struggling. "Some foul prankster hast snuck into thy dwelling and placed ancient traps most annoying inside. If thou would help us down, we would be most thankful for ending our embarrassment!"
Twilight could only blink owlishly for a moment, before having to fight back a case of the giggles. "Of-(snerk!) Of course, P-princess Luna. One moment." She grinned as she slid out of bed.
Luna nodded in appreciation and royal dignity, which in all honesty only made her sprawling limbs trapped in the assorted homemade dreamcatchers in Twilight's bedroom look all the more ridiculous to the highly amused unicorn. "Much thanks. We have needed to scratch our nose for hours!"
95.7 (elmagnifico)
The Equestrian Loopers that had been found thus far floated inside the wrecked submarine the Apples had been using as a base before Awakening. None of them had been able to get out-loop abilities or objects to work either, although the forms they'd looped into opened... Possibilities. Applejack was larger than her brother for once, having looped into a Great White to Macintosh's hammerhead. Applebloom was trying to manipulate a wrench, alternating between her snaggled Mako teeth and inflexible fins. Not much success to be had.
“Aww, come on! First time ah get a chance to tinker with a gen-u-wine U-boat, aged perfectly at the bottom of an ocean, an' ah wind up with no good limbs an' a mouth fulla toothpicks.”
The older Apples were being more social, helping Twilight plan Operation: Recover Nyx. There were some kinks to work out, they didn't have access to nearly enough fruitcake, and more importantly none of them knew where to find the filly-turned-guppy. Macintosh had a green scuba mask draped over one side of his “hammer”, and it swung back and forth as he spoke.
“Ain't nothin' sayin' this mask here belongs to yer fillynapper, but if'n there's P. Shermans from Sydney droppin' divin' equipment in this neck of th' ocean...”
Applejack nodded.
“Yep, makes sense Australia'd be th' place to start lookin'.”
Discussion continued, mostly about how to arrive at Australia from their current location, until Applejack had a thought and decided to share.
“Ah must admit, ah'm relieved tha Loops went an' squandered th' opportunity to make me ah seapony.”
Never one to miss a good setup, Murphy chose that particular moment to have Pinkie bump her snout on a pipe. Only a sliver of blood escaped, but like a fateful waft of smoke, the crimson whisp found its way up Applejack's olfactory pores, causing her pupils to grow until they seemed to occupy the entire eye.
"Ooh, ah'll be honest, that smells gooooooooooooooooooooood."
Macintosh and Applebloom looked at each other. They apparently knew what that meant, crying out in unison.
"Intahvention!"
Macintosh rammed Applejack, tumbling her to the side while Applebloom hustled Twilight and Pinkie through a hatchway, closing it with a flick of her tail just as Applejack broke away from her brother.
Safe on the other side of the rusting, but still solid barrier, the elements of Magic and Laughter winced in time to the metalllic thuds, while Applebloom explained the situation between impacts.
“Sorry Twai,”
*bang *
“loop memories.”
*bang *
“Th' blood has,”
*bang *
“berserker effect!”
*bang *
“Y'all better move along.”
*bang *
“We'll catch up to ya,”
*bang *
“when she snaps out of it!”
95.8 (Masterofgames)
"Twilight, in this Equestria, everypony has a finite number of bucks they can give about things during their lifetimes."
"That's AWFUL! We need to do something!"
(Ding!)
"AAAAH! Where did this counter come from and why did it just go down?!"
(Novusordomundi)
"What in Equestria is that noise?" Twilight asked to no-one in particular, turning her attentions to what was causing the noise...
"I'M A PONY! SQUEE!"
"I'M A HUMAN! SQUEE!"
As a human Lyra riding a pony Sunset Shimmer galloped by her, she could hear the *ding* of her "Bucks To Give" counter going down...