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// Chapter 34: EVERYDAY!!! EVERY CELESTIA DARNED DAY!!! 
// Story: My New Life in Equestria: Helping Has Its Ups and Downs 
// by HAZESHIFT 
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Chapter 34: EVERYDAY!!! EVERY CELESTIA DARNED DAY!!!


I woke up stretching. my limbs felt a bit stiff, as if I had tried to sleep in a smaller, curled up position.  I opened my eyes and guessed with my cloudy vision that it might have been somewhere around nine in the morning from how bright everything seemed.  I looked over at Twilight and saw nothing but some kind of shade of pink. At least I think it was pink; sometimes I really hated my color blindness, or to be more specific, color vision deficiency.  I blinked a couple of times to clear my vision, and when it did I could feel my eyes widen at the sight.  Normally I love waking up to see Twilight next to me, but usually she was a small lavender colored pony. This morning, however, I was not staring at a small lavender colored pony. I was staring at a naked woman. 

I slowly got up, trying not to disturb anything. I disregarded the fact that my body still felt weird. Taking a quick look around, I saw that I was still in Twilight’s room, in Ponyville, in Equestria, on Equis. For a split second I thought that maybe I was on Earth waking up from a crazy dream, drunken haze, or drug coma. 

I slowly looked at the woman, but could already tell it was Twilight.  The hair was a dead giveaway. It was a shade of lavender with a pink streak in the front. I felt myself smile as my gaze moved from her hair to her face. Her skin was slightly pale, probably to relate to how much time she spent inside.  Her nose was cute, like it was made for a pair of reading glasses.  The face she made as she slept was cute; slender cheeks, soft lips.

I kept looking down, and that’s when I ran into a problem.  My gaze moved from her chin to her neck, and then to her chest. My brain stopped and did a double take, my eyes blinking to make sure I was staring at what I thought I was staring at.  I was staring at the semi-covered bosom of Twilight Sparkle.  Part of me wanted to stop looking, but another part was fighting, telling my conscience that this was a once in a lifetime chance.  It took a while before my mind made itself up and reached out to try and cover her up more. 

I reached out and grasped the covers, but stopped and felt shocked again at what my eyes were seeing.  My hand wasn’t grabbing the covers; instead, there was a hoof. I stared at it for a while before I finally summoned the courage to move and watch it move with me.  I moved it closer to me, but underestimated the speed and hit myself in the face.  As I winced, I felt my balance go and I tumbled backwards off the bed. 

I felt the pain spread through my body, but it felt much different than usual. Before I tried to get up and open my eyes, I started thinking and talking to myself.  “Okay Dan, obviously this is going to be another exciting day in Ponyville. Now from the looks of things, I’ve probably turned into a pony and Twilight has turned into a human.” One part of my mind was assessing the situation.

“And she’s completely hot!” And the other part was playing Devil’s Advocate. 

“Yes that’s true, but she’s also completely naked.” 

“She’s naked most of the time, and you’ve never seemed to have any problem with it before.” 

“Well usually her… 'bits' aren’t…ya know, visible,” 

“Oh, so you’re being specist and sexist now?” 

“No, it’s just that if I get those feelings while I’m human it’s easier to hide the… you know… while wearing clothes, and not being a pony who doesn’t exactly know how to control or hide it.” 

 “You know what?” I imagined the other half of my mind pausing, thinking, and imagining what I was saying, and then at last I saw a little imaginary light bulb pop over his head. 

“Oh…oh OOOHHH!  Ok I get it now.  Yeah that is kind of a problem. So you’re just trying to make sure that-"

"Yes. I don’t want her to wake up to see a pony she’s never seen before, standing over her with… well you know.” 

 “Well alright then. I’ll let you get back to your plan.  Have fun with that,” was the last thing my conscience said before I moved back to the bed and pulled the covers over Twilight.  After that, I moved to the foot of the bed where Spike lay in his little bed. 

“Spike…” I poked him once and waited, hoping it wouldn’t take much for me to wake him up.  While poking him a bit more, I looked in the mirror that was close by to get a good look at myself.  My fur was some shade of green, my mane was still looked to be some shade of red, my eyes were their normal blue, and my body didn’t look to be on the Big Mac or Jonagold level, but I’d say I would be somewhere in between them and Fancy Pants. 

“Hmm what’s goin’ on Dan? Why do I need to get up?” Finally, after a lot of poking, Spike woke up, sat up and slowly rubbed his eyes. 

“Okay Spike, now you know that a lot of things happen to us here in Ponyville, and it looks like today is no exception.  Now I’m counting on you to not freak out and stay quiet when you see me."

“Dan I don’t have a clue what you would mean by-” He stopped when he opened his eyes,  and instead of seeing my shins he saw my own blue ones.  “Dan…”

“Yeah Spike?” I answered. 

“You’re a pony.” 

“Yes Spike,” I answered again. 

“So if I follow correctly, then if you’re a pony, Twilight has turned into a human?” he asked. 

“Wow, that’s some pretty good logic there Spike,” I complimented him. 

“Well I have lived with Twilight for most of my life. Learning how to do some things was inevitable. But I have to say that you’re taking this very well.” Spike got out of his bed and stretched. 

“Well I did have a mini freak-out when I first saw I had a hoof instead of a hand, but I had to stop it quickly or risk my freak-out becoming a part of Twilight’s bigger freak-out,” I told him. We chuckled a bit before the sound of Twilight stirring in bed stopped us.  As our eyes met, I could tell we were both afraid of what could happen if she woke up right now.  As she rolled onto her other side and settled down, Spike and I both let out a sigh of relief. 

"Well that was pulse raising. You also turned off her alarm clock right?” Spike asked as I felt my pulse stop and me eyes widen. 

“Alarm clock?” were the only words I could manage to squeak out before Murphy’s Law set in and the same device we feared went off, the shrill tone of the bells sounded out. I watched as Twilight brought her arm up from it’s place on the bed and then down on the clock. The bells stopped and all was quiet in the room as Twilight rolled onto her back and slowly rose. Her hair was a mess and the blanket I had pulled over to cover her slowly began to fall as she sat more upright. 

“Uh… hey Twi. Good morning. Sleep well?” I asked, my voice shaky.

“Mmmhm, I sure did,” she began as she stretched. “And I feel a lot better, too.” 

“Oh, well that’s good to hear.” I couldn’t find a way to delicately approach the subject. I looked for Spike, but noticed that the door was open slightly; he must have slipped out when I was panic stricken.  That was pretty quick thinking on his part. 

“I mean, I feel so much better that I think that today is going to be just perfect!” She still hadn’t open her eyes to see the weird predicament we were in. 

“Well you say that but…”

“But what?” 

“Uh Twi, there’s really no easy way to explain this without you opening your eyes first. But when you do, prepare for a surprise.” 

“Okay, but I don’t get wh-” She stopped as she opened her eyes before they settled onto me.  She stared at me for a while before she looked to herself.  The look of shock on her face was about what I expected. I just hoped what I thought would come next wouldn’t happen. 

“Twi?” I said, triggering the reaction I wished against.  She screamed, and I couldn’t tell if it was louder because of my new ears or her new lungs, but boy was it loud.

“Well that was far worse than expected. Maybe her human lungs are better than her normal ones,” I could barely hear myself say. My ears were ringing, like someone had just set off a flashbang.

“Wha- what’s going on. And who are you?” she said, shakingly pointing a fist at me, and then staring as she realized it wasn’t a hoof, but a hand.  

“Well, seeing as you’ve fully turned into a human, I’ll leave it to you to guess who I am sweetheart.” I got back to my feet and slowly moved towards the bed, never allowing my eyes to leave hers.  

As her breathing became steadier, I could figuratively see the gears in her mind turning. She squinted at me and then, as her eyes widened, she managed to stutter out “Dan... is that you?” 

“The one and only. It seems like we can never just have a nice normal day.  The universe always has to throw us a curveball, doesn't it?” I responded, taking my time to walk towards the bed; I hadn’t gotten used to walking on all fours yet.  

“How are you being so calm about this? This is way beyond anything that’s happened before! We’ve switched species!” It was funny seeing the slight blur she made when she flailed her arms above her.  

“Well one of us has to be calm at the moment. Imagine if our friends came in right now to both of us freaking out. It would cause a chain reaction of freak outs that might lead to the destruction of at least a couple things in ponyville. So I would like to try to avoid that, okay?” I laid out my reasoning and hoped that she would accept it.  

“Okay, I guess that makes sense,” she answered.  

“Well that’s good. We should get ready. I’m pretty sure everyone heard that scream and is on their way here right now,” I explained to her as I started to head for the door, but I felt like I was forgetting something.  

“Okay, I’ll join you,” I heard her say and start to get out of the bed. And that’s when it hit me, again, that she was still stark naked in her human form.  

“Wait!” I managed to spin around on a dime and not fall over, my eyes practically bulging from my skull as I looked at my girlfriend in all her naked glory.  

“What is it?” She looked at me confused, probably not realising because she was always naked.  

“You’re… naked.” I put heavy emphasis on that word, hoping it would click in her mind quickly and we could save ourselves some embarrassment.  

“Yeah, but I’m always naked,” she said, and for the first time in my life I facehoofed.  

“Yeah, I know, but that was when you were a pony. Now you’re human and you have no fur and you’re more… exposed,” I said as I kept moving my hoof around even though I couldn’t make any specific gestures with it.  

I watched as Twilight thought about it, looking from me and then down to the rest of her body. She did this about three times before she gasped and her face turned beet red, which was so cute and adorable.  

“Ah! I’m naked!” she finally exclaimed and started trying to cover herself up, much to my amusement. My grin quickly faded when she looked back at me with a frown. “And just exactly what are you looking at?”

Even with all the fur on my body, I felt like I was inside a freezer. “Well uh… you said yourself that you’re always naked?” I squeaked out the last word and tried to brace myself for whatever was going to happen.  

It took her all of two seconds to grab the thing closest to her, hurl it at me, and scream “PERVERT!” all in one motion.  

For never really being athletic, she sure had good aim, because she hit me right on the snout.  Eyes closed and backpedaling, I tried to get away as she threw more things at me. Unfortunately, I never thought about the distance to the stairs while as a pony. I took one more step backwards and found nothing but air; once my rear leg went, gravity brought the rest of me with it. I felt each stair on my  jaw on the way down. I bet it looked comical to anybody watching, so thank goodness nobody could see it. I was content to just lay at the bottom of the stairs, after my body had slunk all the way down, a slight pain in my jaw as it had personally greeted every stair on the way down.  

“Dan, you okay man? Are you hurt?” I turned my head slightly enough to see Spike standing nearby.  

“Just my pride, stomach, and jaw,” I said, waiting till all the pain faded away. “Hey, do me a favor Spike, make sure you tell me when the girls get here so I can pull myself together.”  

“Uuhh...” was the only sound I got in response.  

“They’re already here, aren’t they?” I asked, probably knowing the answer.  

“We got here five minutes after the scream, darling. It was very hard to miss something that loud.” Rarity’s voice was the first I heard as I lamented waking up first and setting off this chain reaction of events. After spotting them sitting near the kitchen, I finally got up and made my way over to them, watching as they looked me over.  

“Well I’ll be a monkey’s uncle. Somethin’ strange always has to happen to you, doesn’t it Dan?” Applejack seemed mystified at my new appearance.  

“Wow, I gotta say Dan, I’ve seen some weird things; Nightmare Moon, The Wonderbolts getting knocked out by Rarity that one time, Discord, actually meeting the Wonderbolts. But I gotta say you’re climbing up that ladder pretty fast big guy,” Rainbow said as she flew around me. “Although I guess I can’t call you big guy if you’re about our size, huh?”  

“Yes, Rainbow, cause I’m doing all of this for your amusement,” I told her as I watched Rarity do the same thing.  

“Well you are a bit of an oddity already dear, and you turning into a pony certainly doesn't help your case, but I do have to say I never thought you would have this kind of color scheme.”  I could basically see the gears in her head turning, as she thought out clothing ideas for me. Hopefully Twilight’s arrival would take her mind off of me. “It’s rare to see anypony with a viridian coat and a violet mane, but I think you can pull it off, Dan.”  

“Although I think the more precise name is Thioindigo Violet, Rarity,” Pinkie chirped in randomly, causing another one of those times where we just stared blankly at her. “What? I was bored at Rarity’s one time so I looked through all her color swatches. All five thousand three hundred and thirty one of them!” She bounced around, happy at knowing exactly how many color swatches Rarity had.  

“Well okay, I guess it’s good to know exactly what colors I am. I would have just said red and green anyways. Colorblind, remember?” I said, thinking about the first time Twilight corrected me on exactly what color her fur was. “Well what do you think, Fluttershy? We’ve already voiced our own opinions. How about yours?” I looked at her as she went through one of her normal routines on trying to get rid of unwanted attention before caving in.  

“I’m more curious to see what happened to Twilight, and what she thinks about all this,” she answered. Weirdly enough, I was thinking the same thing.  

“I’m thinking that these clothes don’t fully fit,” I heard Twilight say and turned around to watch her walk down the stairs. She had gotten a bit used to walking on two legs in her anthro form, but we had never tried stairs. I watched as she basically hugged the wall as she slowly came down, certainly not the picture of grace she sometimes presented, or that I at least daydreamed in my head about.  

“Oh my gosh… Twilight, you’re not purple anymore.” Rainbow was the first to blurt something out.  

“What? That’s the first thing that say? That I’m not purple anymore? Not how I’ve fully transformed into a human, or how I have actual feet instead of hooves, or that I don’t have fur or my tail, or how I don’t even have a horn anymore? But that I’m not purple? Seriously?!” It seemed that in her slight rage, Twilight’s motor skills got better and she walked very quickly up to Rainbow Dash, looking straight at her, nose to snout.

“Umm… yes?” She smiled nervously.  

Twilight let out a sigh as she pinched the bridge of her nose. I wondered if she instinctually knew how to do it or remembered watching me do it. “Somepony, anypony, please say something else,” she groaned.  

“Um Twilight.. I think you look very nice. Please don’t be upset.” Fluttershy walked up to her and nuzzled one of her hands. Twilight broke into a small smile and ran her hand over Fluttershy’s mane. It was a pretty cute sight.  

“Man, how come my Pinkie Sense didn’t pick this up? It’s just so Freaky Friday-ish, don’t you think so, Dan?” Pinkie asked as she appeared right next to me.  

“Yeah it kinda… did you just steal my joke and reference?” I questioned her, thinking about how Pinkie basically stole the words and thought right out of my head.  

“Oh don’t be silly Danny. You can’t steal jokes, that’s not funny at all,” she answered and hopped off.  

I stood there for a moment, trying to think of something to say. My mouth opening and closing until Applejack waved her hoof in front of my face.  

“It’s easier if you just stop thinking about it altogether, Dan. I think we might have a more important thing to deal with right now.” She pointed back over to Twilight who was now standing again, but this time with Rarity circling her like a shark.  

“Now tell me again dear: Why are you wearing Dan’s clothing?” she asked.

“Well, because I was naked. Not naked in the pony way, but naked in the human way and-”  

“Yes, I get that dear. You don’t want to be exposed and possibly have somepony’s prying eyes on you.” She shot me a look at the end of the sentence. “But why Dan’s clothes and not some of the nicer things I made you?”

“Because they wouldn’t be practical in thi-” I started to answer, but Rarity shot me an angry glare.  

“Well Dan is kinda right Rarity. It’s not that I don’t like your clothes, but they don’t work for this kind of situation, and I needed some casual clothes to wear and Dan’s are-” Twilight backed me up a little before Rarity interrupted her as well.  

“Wait! I know what must be done! Everyone to the boutique! I’m going to make Twilight some appropriate clothing instead of these… things,” she said with enthusiasm.  

“Hey!” I said, trying to defend my clothes.  

“Is for ponies dear, so go eat some and come along. This is not up for discussion,” she said, starting to push Twilight and everyone out the door. Usually I had been able to shake off most of the looks ponies threw me, but I guess now that I was literally one of them, it wasn’t so easy.  

“Spike, you coming? Rarity is about to go all Project Runway on Twilight,” I called out to him.

“Dude, I have no idea what that means,” he said.  

“It means Rarity is going to spend a good amount of time making clothes for Twilgiht and a lot of us are going to be bored while we wait for it to be over. You know how Rarity is.”  

“Yeah, she’s awesome.”  

“Whatever, lover boy. Now hop on if you want a ride. Oh, and did you send a letter to the princesses?” Spike nodded and climbed onto my back, then we headed out the door to catch up with the girls.  

Spike and I caught up with the group just as we were about to hit the town center. Immediately, all eyes fell on Twilight, the new human, and me, the never before seen pony. It took all of Ponyville five minutes to converge on us. After satiating a good number of questions, our little mob made it’s way to Carousel Boutique, and only the girls were allowed inside.  

“Well so far this has been a fun day,” I said. I was playing a game of checkers with Flintlock, who had brought the game with him for some particular reason.  

“I’ll say. You get turned into a pony, and now you’re mare- I mean girlfriend is getting a clothing makeover because one of her friends doesn’t like your filthy rags,” he said, never breaking eye contact with the board as he took his turn. I wondered if he could feel my stare on him.  

“Flintlock, do you ever listen to what you say?” Scribble Page asked from nearby where he was reading a book. Thunderlane, Big Mac, Jonagold, and Snowflake were nearby, hoof wrestling each other. All of the others were on patrol duty.  

“Sometimes, but not all the time. King me. Hey Dan, have you tried using your magic?” he answered the question, moved his piece, and asked another question all at the same time.  

“Actually no, I haven’t… Does anybody feel that?” There was some kind of presence near by.  

“It is really nice to see how much you care for the ponies in your dreams. It keeps me interested in you. I will say in advance, though, I am sorry for future events. Some things truly are out of my control.  But enough about that for now, it is time to wake up. You have a very big day ahead of you, Dan,” a voice sounded out from nowhere, and my vision went white, then black..  

My eyes opened and I found myself staring at a familiar ceiling. “Wow, now that was weird,” I growled, the dream still fresh in my mind. I turned to my right and saw Twilight, who was still herself. I sighed in relief, seeing that she was still the same. I reached out and gently started stroking her mane. I knew she was awake, because after doing it for a while, she started nuzzling into my hand.  

“Good morning, Twilight,” I chuckled.

“Mmm morning,” she returned, smiling at me as she opened her eyes. “What are you so happy about this morning?” she managed to say without yawning.  

“Had this weird dream where something happened. I turned into a pony, and you turned into a human.”

“Oh really? How did that go?”  

“About as well as could be expected,” I told her. “Man, this feels so nice. You, me, this comfy bed. I could spend the whole day like this,” I told her, making her giggle.  

“I bet you could, you lazy bum. But unfortunately for you, we have things to do so-” The end of her sentence was cut off by a noise which shook the whole tree. Both of us quickly jumped out of bed and made for the door.  

“What was that, an explosion?!” I shouted as we got to the door.

“No, a normal explosion wouldn't be able to shake the tree like that. It’s gotta be something bigger. Something huge like-” she started as the door swung open, and at once we both stepped out, our eyes turned to the skies as we both saw what was causing the problem.  

“A volcano erupting?” I finished her statement in disbelief as, off in the distance, I saw smoke and fire coming from the top of a mountain.  

“But that’s not possible! It’s literally not possible! I’ve studied those mountains before, and none of them are even remotely close to being a natural dormant volcano!”  

And then, like some kind of answer, a powerful voice rang out from the volcano.

“FREEDOM!!!” 

“Something tells me that that isn’t natural either, and it doesn’t sound very nice… Is it to late to stay in bed all day?"