//------------------------------// // Piss N Vinegar // Story: DiE: Glarin Ungard the Berserker // by InsaneJustin //------------------------------// They continued traveling down the road toward the train station with the Leoequus being the new talk. “Twilight, is he uh, is he allowed to just take kids and like, adopt em like that?” Twilight became flustered as she tried to think about it. “I-I don’t know! I’ve never read anything about our laws and regulations with adoption! It’s one of the few things I never actually studied yet!” Pinkie bounded up next to Applejack “Well of course he can! He’s a knight right? You heard what Celestia said! He can pass judgement on any lawbreakers as he sees fit! And the little guy is gonna be cleaning house as punishment! And besides, this little guy wasn't even in the legal system yet! He’s off the papers!” “So then, hes just foal-napping some, dirty, street urchin?” said Rarity with a bit of a gag, Pinkie giggled at Rarity “Silly Rarity, hes not a foal or an urchin! He’s a Leoequus! And he’s not THAT dirty.” Rarity rolled her eyes “Um girls...” said Fluttershy as the other girls kept talking, not noticing her low voice “Still, don’t ya’ll think we should just take him to one of those orphanage thingy’s instead?” “Girls...” “So he could get lost in the system? I don’t think so Applejack. Hippogryphs and Leoequuses have an almost zero adoption rate. Celestia sent me some of the paper work asking for my advice on what do with the influx of abandoned Hippogryphs and Leoequuses a week ago. I ended up telling her to make a special one just for them. At least to raise them until they become adults. Apparently they have very different temperaments from both gryphons and ponies. Most parents are at a loss for what to do with them when they reach the rebellious phase and end up... well, leaving them...” “So then this guys in his rebel phase then? And his parents just left cause they couldn't handle him!? Those kinda parents shouldn't even be allowed to produce offspring!” yelled Applejack as she thought of such a thing. “Girls!” Everyone turned to look at Fluttershy because of her sudden outburst. “Um, he is actually a um, a she...” Applejack raised an eyebrow to look back at the shy Pegasus. “What do ya mean, he is a she? Sure looks and sounds like a boy to me, How do ya know?” Fluttershy just pointed to the Leoequus “Could you turn back around for a bit Glarin?” said Fluttershy in a timid voice. Glarin just chuckled and turned back around. “Well I’ll be a diamond dogs uncle...” The Leoequuses short tail did little to keep everything hidden and being slung over Glarin’s shoulder had caused it to stick to a spot that made it even easier to see everything. “She looks just like a boy though. I mean, with the short hair and everything...” Rainbow Dash just rolled her eyes. “Yeah, cause hair color and style shows genders and sexual preference right?” Rainbow was flying with her front hooves crossed as she looked between Applejack and Twilight who had sheepish grins. “Look, it was an honest mistake Rainbow...” Rainbow flew up and gave Twilight a noogie. “Don’t sweat it. Besides, that misunderstanding and some cider is the reason why I've got Mac and my foals now anyway. Totally worth it, by the way.” Rainbow nudged Applejack while raising her eyebrows in a slightly seductive manner. Twilight ignored Rainbows odd behavior toward Applejack and used her magic to rearrange the little hybrids tail so that everything was hidden again. “Rainbow Dash, How many times do I gotta tell ya. I don’t wanna know what you and mah brother do behind closed doors. I can hear enough as it is already. Ms. ‘Just 20% Percent Faster’.” They continued to converse about what to do with the little hybrid beyond Glarins initial idea. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The little hybrid awoke to find herself sitting on a soft bench as the train arrived in the ponyville station. She was scared as she had no idea what was going on and was now in a strange town with a bunch of unfamiliar ponies. She looked over and saw that the creature that knocked her out was asleep next to her on the bench. She moved away from him and into the wall. “Glarin wake up! Were home!” Rainbow Dash flew over to Glarin and nudged him awake, then looked down to the little Leoequus to see that she was also awake. “Oh hey, She’s awake now.” The little hybrid took a defensive pose, flaring up her mane and fur as she looked around wide eyed. “Oh, thats not good, she’s scared out of her mind right now.” Glarin blinked and rubbed his eyes for a bit before looking down at the little hybrid. “Oye, stop doing whatever it is your doing and let’s...” Glarin was interrupted as a paw with sharp claws struck him across the cheek with the little Leoequus kicking against the wall and bolting out of the trains exit and down the road. Glarin put his right hand where she had struck him and looked at the blood on his hand. He let out a heartfelt laugh. “Feisty little she devil ain't she? That’s always a good sign. I probably didn't give her a concussion then.” Sweetie and Bloom ran up to Glarin along with the rest of the main six. Spike walked out of the train to watch her as she ran. “Oh Celestia your bleeding!” “She did a number on that newly healed face of yers.” “Bah, I’ve had worse. We better hurry on after the little devil before she gets into trouble again.” Glarin and the others went out the door in the direction Spike said she headed. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The little leoequus was running through the town dodging ponies and stalls as she ran as fast as possible. Trying to gain as much distance she could from her captors and whatever madness they had planned for her. Up ahead she saw a dense looking forest. Despite its ominous look, she decided to head toward it as it would likely prove safer than staying among these ponies and the thing that foalnapped her. Living alone in Las Pegasus for those 3 weeks had taught her many things. No place is safe for long, and even in a safe place you might get hurt. She pushed her way through several ponies and left town heading into the Everfree Forest. Ducking below low branches and weaving around bushes, the little Leoequus was starting to get tired. She slowed as she looked behind her and couldn't see or hear anything. “Stupid foal-napping ponies. How am I gonna get back to Las Pegasus now? More importantly, where am I?” She leaned up against a wall covered in some brown moss to try and catch her breath. In slight confusion she began to touch the wall with a paw. The brown moss looked a lot like fur. “What kind of wall is this?” Oddly the wall was warm and soft, it didn’t take long for her to realize it wasn’t a wall at all. The Manticore that she had been resting against turned to look at her. Unsure of what to make of the small creature that had disturbed it’s sleep. He rose to face her and in turn received a claw to his nose. “B-Back off a-and I won’t hurt you again!” She had clawed the Manticore out of surprised panic, and soon realized it was a mistake, as its face turned from minor curiosity into anger as it roared at her. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ She was easy enough to follow as she left quite a trail of disturbed ponies along the way. Several of the ponies she had knocked down said they last saw her running out of town and toward the Everfree. “What?! She just got here and she runs to the most dangerous place 1st?!” Glarin just chuckled at Rainbows anger as they ran. “Shes a tough little lass ehh? I think we’ll get along just fine.” The ponies shook their heads as they kept running toward the forest. As they broke the tree line they stopped running and began a slow jog looking around. “Which way do you think she went?” All of the ponies looked around until Applejack spotted some hoof and paw prints. “Over here! These tracks look like they...” Applejack stopped speaking when they heard a manticores roar coming from the direction the tracks seemed to be headed. They all broke into a sprint, going as fast as possible in the direction the roar had come from. About a minute later they came to a small clearing with the little leoequus running around, dodging the large paws of the manticore. She ended up a fair distance away and stood in an aggressive stance. Flaring out her mane and fur in an attempt to look bigger. “Oh Celestia! Is she crazy fighting a manticore!” exclaimed Twilight “Woo-wee, look at the manticores nose! She got him good right there!” said Applejack with a slight cheer “Theres a few others on his face that look fresh as well...” said Rainbow Dash as she looked on. “Oh dear, that manticore is so big compared to her...” said Rarity as Fluttershy just watched wordlessly at the two of them fighting. “Size isn’t everything you know! Look at her go!” said Glarin as he laughed out loud. His laugh made the leoequus lose focus on the fight at hand as she looked over at them. The manticore took advantage of the distraction as he landed a paw strike on her. She flew through the air and crashed against a tree rather hard as she yelped in pain. The ponies all gasped and cringed when they saw her crash into the tree. The manticore having had enough of the annoying little hybrid, lunged in her direction with his tail primed and ready to strike. But before he could fill the little annoyance with venom, something barreled into his side. The manticore fell to the ground as the wind was knocked out of him. “You’ve already won beast! Now begone with you, lest you wish to taste my axe!” Before Glarin could pull his axe out Fluttershy flew over to the manticore and began to coo at him. The little Leoequus looked up at Glarin who stood between her and the manticore. While the butter yellow Pegasus gently rubbed the manticores face. “Oh you poor thing, did that mean little Leoequus scratch up your face?” The little hybrid got a smug grin on her face as the manticore nodded at Fluttershy. The manticore remembered her from all those years ago when she had removed a thorn from his paw. The manticore began to meow and make motions with his paws, with Fluttershy nodding her head. “Oh I’m so sorry for her rude behavior. Waking you up from a nap and then attacking you for no reason!” The hybrids face turned into one of slight confusion. “But that's still no reason to try and kill her! You’re a lot bigger than she is and she’s only a child who got scared.” “I wasn't scared! I’m full a piss and vinegar! I could of taken him if I didn’t get distracted!” Glarin looked back at her with a bit of confusion on his face. “What’s your name Lass?” “Spatzi, Spatzi Angel.” “Hrm, odd name. But no matter. It looks like my clan mate Fluttershy has the beast under control for now, lets...” Before Glarin could get them to start heading out Fluttershy went up to Spatzi and glared at her. “I want you to apologize to Mr. Biggles Worth over there. You rudely woke him up from his nap then attacked him. I want you to apologize right now!” Glarin nudged her side, to try and push her forward. “Better go do it lass...” With a grunt Spatzi went up to the manticore and shuffled her back hooves together nervously “I’m sorry I woke you up, then attacked you...” Mr. Biggles Worth nodded and waved a paw to dismiss her with a light meow. He then dipped his head down a bit at her before nuzzling against her face. “Mr. Biggles Worth is sorry for trying to kill you Spatzi. Now lets all get home. You come with me Mr. Biggles Worth. I want to get some bandages on those cuts.” Glarin and the rest of the ponies that just saw what unfolded looked around a bit confused. They were sure a blood bath was about to begin, but instead Fluttershy calmed down both sides so that they apologized to each other. Shaking it off they all started to head out of the forest with Fluttershy and Mr. Biggles Worth leading the way. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Deciding to dismiss the oddness of what just happened the ponies all broke off after making sure Glarin would be OK with her by himself. To that question he just laughed and told em to head on home. As Glarin and Spatzi walked. She began to get nervous again. “W-where are we going?” “To my home.” “W-why?” “So I can keep an eye on you. Also your gonna clean up my house a bit as punishment for stealing.” “What?! Why couldn't you just let me go?! Y-y-you foal napped me to clean your house?!” “If you wanna look at it like that, then yeah I did. You can sleep anywhere in the house you want and you can eat whatever you find as well. All I ask is that you keep things a little cleaner than how it is now.” She looked at him a little confused “Wait, just a ‘little’ cleaner? And I can eat all I want and sleep all I want?” Glarin nodded his head. “Yeah that’s pretty much it. So tell me, you said you were full a piss N’ vinegar right?” She puffed up her chest as they walked and got a smile on her face. “Ya got that right ya ol Coot. Some of the others I meet in Las Pegasus told me I was full a piss N vinegar, after I ruffed em up a bit!” “Is that so? Whats vinegar?” The gears in Glarins head began to turn as he pondered what she had just said. “Its this sour stuff some ponies use to cook and it can also be used to clean I think.” Glarin continued to look thoughtful about it as they walked. As they neared his house he saw a number of ponies standing around his house. Many of them wearing hats and also having a camera in hoof. “Oh bugger, it’s the news ponies again. I really hate them... Tell you what, you go to my house before me. Just walk in and tell em whatever you want. The front door should be unlocked if a bit heavy. If anything have em help you open the door.” “What? Where are you going?!” “Off to the market so I can buy some supplies you’ll need for cleaning, also so I can avoid those news ponies. I don’t care what you tell em, just try and get em to leave before I get back.” She looked to the crowd of news ponies as she started to shuffle her back hooves around. “I-I don’t know...” Glarin chuckled “What? You run outta that piss N vinegar already lass? Want me to hold yer paw and take you inside?” Spatzi began to blush as she looked to his outstretched hand. “N-No! I don’t need your help ya ol’ fart!” Glarin laughed and waved her off as he traveled back toward the town. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Glarin spent the next hour and a half traveling around the market buying supplies and food. He also set up an order at the Blacksmith to fix his chain shirt and get some shipments of iron ore in order to start crafting a new left ‘hand’. He still hadn’t decided what to put there. He was stuck between a hammer and a mug. He most likely would have to go with something that he could switch out to fit multiple situations. The Blacksmith informed him that he had completed a single set of armor for each of the pony races. Glarin would finally get around to testing out the new armor he had special made for the three different types. Glarin told him to have the three armor sets delivered as soon as possible to his house and he would pay shipping costs. Cash on Delivery is what Glarin told him. If Glarin knew beforehand that the postal service charged by the pound for mailing heavy items... As Glarin came within sight of his home again, he saw that the news ponies hadn't left yet. Pulling on the cart that he borrowed from Applejack. He slowly lugged his cargo of food and cleaning supplies home dreading what the gossip ponies had in store for him. “Shale... they haven’t left yet. Guess I better get this over with...” As he neared the house one of the ponies pointed in his direction causing the rest of them to swarm over. As they gathered around him they began to bombard him with questions yet they didn’t block his path, allowing him to keep a steady pace. “Did you really take down the Black Stars Empire from the inside out with the assistance of Spike the Purple Dragon Knight?!” “How did you lose your hand?!” “Was it from a gang deal gone wrong?!” Glarin groaned inwardly to himself to try and drown out their voices. “Is it true you kidnapped a leoequus child to work as your sexy maid slave for the rest of her life with the threat of death should she try to leave?!” “Is it true you almost died while defeating the Blackstar gang?!” “Are you and Princess Luna still romantically involved?!” Glarin furrowed his brow as he listened to them question him over and over again until one of them caught his attention. “Whoa! Wait a tick! Repeat the last question again?!” the ponies all looked at each other and shrugged “Are you and Luna romantically involved?” “Could a swore you said something different... But no! As far as I know we are not and it never was serious to begin with! And I think the answers to the rest of your questions are going to be a yes.” The ponies all looked at each other and began to scribble stuff down in their notepads and take pictures. “Now If you will excuse me, I have work to do.” As Glarin pushed his door open he brought everything inside, leaving the ponies outside as he closed the door. They seemed to be satisfied with his answer. As he walked inside he saw Spatzi laying down on his stonework bench with the pillow that Rarity had given him to ‘warm’ up the place. A magical fire would of been more useful but beggars can’t be choosers. Spatzi stood as he entered and jumped down from her seat. “Is this your place? I’ve looked around a bit and it shouldn’t be too hard to clean. But where do you sleep?” “Downstairs in the bedroom of course, this is just the main hallway, follow me.” Glarin unhitched the wagon from behind him and led her to a door in the back that seemed to be mostly hidden. With a strong push the door moved in and with the sound of stone against stone the wall moved out of the way revealing a staircase. “Holy Celestia’s backside! You have a basement?” “Yeah, just a little one, but its getting bigger.” As they walked down the stairs Spatzi looked around and realized this place was far bigger than she ever thought possible. Her idea of easy cleaning was soon dashed. And Glarin’s idea of ‘small’ was vastly different from hers, along with the rest of the world as well. The farther in they walked the more she realized this house of his was more like and underground mansion. It even seemed to have its own set of pony guards as she saw them walking around. Except they weren’t like any pony guards she had ever seen before. These ones actually looked like they could put up a real fight. A few of them walked up to them and saluted Glarin as he approached. “Sir Glarin, might I ask who this tasty looking one is?” said one of the bat winged ponies as he let his fangs glint in the dim light. “Her name is Spatzi, she’ll be living with us for the time being. Try not to scare her too much Shifty.” “I’m not scared of him!” “Ya hear that Shifty! She ain't scared of you! Full a Piss N Vinegar she is!” Glarin rubbed his beard that had been restored by the Luck Maiden in thought for a moment. “Speaking a Piss N Vinegar, I’ll be back. Make sure you gather everyone in the yard outside in a few hours. Send someone out to get Spike as well.” Shifty and the other guards shrugged and walked off. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As all of the guards and Spike gathered outside the house with Spatzi. She had followed them all out into the yard as she was unsure of what to do exactly. They all saw Glarin stirring a large barrel with several large glasses around him on a nearby table. “Sir Glarin, what did you want with all of us?” Glarin stopped stirring the contents of the barrel to greet them all. “Ello! Well were gonna be doing another fighting exercise, hopefuly this one will be more productive then the last one. I went ahead and got two doctors and three nurses from the hospital telling them we were gonna be having a live combat exercise.” “Another live combat exercise sir?” “Yes another! Everytime I see you guys fight each other, all I see is a bunch of sissies who are afraid to hurt and get hurt! That ends today! Little Spatzi here fought with a manticore in the Everfree and I bet the rest of you would of just shat yerselves if you had to fight one of em! She’s a little rough around the edges but that’s fine.” “What does she have to do...” Glarin looked over at the pony and yelled, interrupting his speech. “Oye! I wasn’t done! Anyway, She then informed me she was full a Piss N’ Vinegar. So I went out and got a bunch of vinegar, and I covered the Piss part nicely over the last 2 and a half hours...” The ponies eyes went wide “Wait...” They began to look at each other with worry on their faces. “Thats right, You’re all gonna pair off and duel, the loser has to drink a glass a Piss N Vinegar so he toughens up. Spike and I will go first.” “So then that barrel is full of...” said one of the ponies before he was cut off by Glarin as he went back to mixing. “Aye, Piss N Vinegar.”