Finding Myself as a Flightless Filly

by Autum Breeze


Chapter 2

Chapter 2

_____________________________________________________________________

Cadance slumped in the chair in the waiting room and put her face in her hooves.

It had been three days since Scootaloo had woken up. Despite how she was acting like herself when she first woke up, something had happened while they’d all been outside the room.

When Scootaloo had burst into tears, Cadance had tried to comfort her daughter, but, for some reason, that just seemed to make things worse and she’d cried even harder.

Even when she’d calmed down, Scootaloo hadn’t spoken to any of them. She just lay in her bed, not meeting anypony’s eyes.

Cadance felt somepony sit next to her and glanced to see Twilight sitting next to her on her left, Applejack on her right.

“What have I done wrong?” she asked, as tears slid down her face. “Why is she acting like this?”

Both ponies looked away, sadness in their eyes.

The sound of whooves on tiles made them all turn to the door to Scootaloo’s room, to see both Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy walking out, disappointment on their faces.

“Guessin’ it didn’ go so well, huh?” Applejack asked solemnly.

Rainbow Dash shook her head.

Fluttershy had tears in her eyes.

“She wouldn’t even look at us,” the cyan mare sighed. “What’s up with her?”

“I hate seeing her like this,” Fluttershy sniffled. “I just want to help her, but I don’t know what to do.”

Applejack looked to Cadance. “Uh, princess? If’n Ah might ask: how exactly is Scootaloo yer daughter? Ya’ll never actually told us.”

Cadance looked to Applejack and sighed.

She’d only ever told one pony who still lived today. Celestia.

_____________________________________________________________________

Year 1203AD (After Discord)

Cadance waited anxiously in the hospital waiting room, pacing back and forth.

She’d been late this month and the month was almost over and she was still late. She hadn’t wanted to believe it, but she had to know.

Doctor Stable, a brown coated unicorn stallion with a light-brown mane and a stethoscope Cutie Mark walked through the door, levitating a clipboard in his magic.

Cadance turned and hurried over to him. “Doctor? What’s going on? Am I...?”

Doctor Stable smiled. “Congratulations, Your Highness. You’re with foal.”

Cadance’s eyes widened.

She sighed. She’d have to break it to her husband. He hadn’t wanted a foal so early, but they didn’t really have a choice now.

She thanked him and left, heading for the side of the castle where the noble Starfire family resided.


_____________________________________________________________________


She stood in front of the room, hesitating. They’re marriage hadn’t been official, or at least, not public. If anypony learned about this, there was no telling how they’d react.

She took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

“Enter,” a calm, gentle, yet firm voice from the other side.

Cadance smiled and entered the room.

It was a large room, though smaller than her own, filled with artworks strewn on the walls of Nobility and herself and her aunt.

Sitting at a desk by a four poster bed was a young orange coated Pegasus stallion with a dark purple mane and tail and a light-shaped hammer Cutie Mark.

“Lightning?”

The Pegasus turned and smiled. “Cadance. Glad to see you again.” He put a quill he’d been using it the ink-pot on his desk, got up and walked over to Cadance, pulling her into a hug. “You know, I hate that, even though we’re married, protocol still dictates that we live separately until a month after the wedding.”

“That’s the least of our worries right now,” Cadance said quietly.

Lighting Star pulled a bit back, raising an eyebrow. “What’s wrong? Has your cousin been a jerk to you again? That little worm really needs to learn to respect his elders.”

Cadance gave a playful frown. “Are you saying I’m old?”

Lightning grinned cheekily. “Well, you’re older than me, anyway.”

She nudged him, giggling, then looked down. “Lightning... I’m... I’m pregnant.”

Lightning stared, wide-eyed. “Seriously?”

Cadance nodded, not meeting his eyes. She just knew he’d be furious. He’d want to break up the marriage and leave her to care for the foal on her own and suffer the indignation she’d receive from the other nobles as well as her accursed cousin.

He pulled her into a stronger hug. “I’ll help you, Cady. We’ll get through this together.”

Cadance’s looked up at him with shock, then smiled and leaned into him. I knew I’d married the right stallion.

_____________________________________________________________________

Cadance wiped the tears from her eyes. She’d been crying for over an hour.

She reread the message she’d been given by one of her personal guard.


Dear Princess Mi Amore Cadenza,

I am very sorry to tell you that tonight, at 7:32pm, the newly appointed Prince Lightning Star, dead at the Harboring Bar.

He was just visiting. He has been a funder to ensure that our bar remained open to those who enjoyed coming here.

A fight broke out between several stallions. I still do not know what the argument was about, but it became very heated, very quickly. Your husband seemed to realize things were going to get violent very quickly and tried to step in and stop the fight.

However, he stepped in just as a very dangerous spell was released and he was in the firing line.

We tried to save him, while waiting for the ambulance cart to arrive. But, by the time they got there... he was already gone.

I am sorry, Princess. He was a noble noble and a great stallion. We will honour him in our bar always.

Again, my deepest condolences, I so sorry this happened.

Far Cry, owner of Harboring Bar



Cadance looked down at her three month pregnant stomach, rubbed a hoof against it and sobbed.

“I’m so sorry,” she managed, her tears falling onto her stomach. “You’ll never get to meet your daddy.”

_____________________________________________________________________

A cloaked figure stood in front of a door to a small house with yellow paint on the walls.

They glanced around, then knocked on the door.

A few moments later it opened to reveal a dark-mulberry coloured Earth Pony stallion with a white mane and tail and a square, flat-topped hat with a tassel Cutie Mark.

“Regal Script,” the figure said, her voice quiet. “Can I please come in?”

Regal Script looked shocked for a second, then moved aside and allowed the cloaked figure in.

They walked in and he led them to a living room with a small couch with floral pattern designs.

The figure sat down and took their hood to reveal Princess Cadance.

Regal sat down next to her, concern on his face. Her eyes were red and puffy. “Princess, what’s wrong?”

The alicorn sighed and lifted a small basket from under her cloak. Inside the basket was a sleeping orange coated, purple-maned Pegasus foal.

He looked to the foal, then up to the princess.

“You know about how my husband died several months ago, don’t you?” Cadance said, her voice sounding close to cracking.

Regal nodded, his face solemn. “I do. I felt great sadness at his lose. One of the few truly noble nobles left in this world.”

“This is his child,” Cadance said, stroking the foal’s mane, a few tears in her eyes.

Regal glanced down in shock, then looked to the princess again. “Cadance, I was your tutor when you tried to mingle with the modern young ponies of today and I've always been able to tell when something has been bothering you. What is this really about?”

Cadance looked at him as the tears slid down her muzzle. “I came to ask if you will look after her for me.”

Regal’s eyes widened to the size of sauce-pans. “Me? Your High— Cadance, why would you ask me to do that? Can you not do so yourself?”

Cadance looked down at her foal, her eyes filled with great sadness. “I want to, Regal. I want to raise her more than anything is this whole world. But, if she were to be raised in Canterlot right now, her life would be miserable. The nobles would treat her either like garbage, or as a means to get closer to the throne. I cannot put her through that. Until my aunt can settle things with the nobles, I must ask you to look after her.”

She levitated the foal into his forehooves, sniffling.

“I will come and visit. I don’t want her to think I’ve abandoned her. When the time is right, I will see if she wants to return to Canterlot. Will you look after her?”

Regal looked down at the sleeping foal, and smiled, turning to the princess. “Of course, Cadance. My daughter has been wanting to take up foalsiting ever since she got her Cutie Mark, as preparation for handling fillies and colts in a classroom. She’ll just be helping me do so long term.”

Cadance gave a weak smile, leaned down and kissed her foal on the forehead.

“I love you, Scootaloo. Mommy will always love you.”

With that, Cadance put her hood back on, bid Regal farwell, asking him to give his daughter her best wishes and left, flying off back towards Canterlot, feeling a hole in her heavy heart at having to leave her daughter behind.

_____________________________________________________________________

Everypony stared at Cadance as Twilight held her, rubbing her back with a hoof.

“You did the right thing, Cadance,” the other alicorn assured her. “Scootlaoo grew up happy, here in Ponyville. You were right. The nobles truly would’ve made her life miserable.”

“Then why is she acting like this now?” Cadance sobbed, her voice muffled slightly by Twilight’s fur. “Why doesn’t she even want to talk to me?”

Twilight remained silent. I wish I knew, Cadance. I wish I knew.


_____________________________________________________________________

I heard the door close and sniffled.

Finally. They left me alone. I didn’t want to speak to any of the ponies. I didn’t want to speak with anyone at all.

My heart was aching so much I was sure I was going to die from it.

My family think I’m dead. They think I’m dead.

I’d figured it out. According to Discord, it had taken about a week for my spirit to meld with what little was left of Scootaloo’s. That week, from the looks of things, had been several months, back on Earth. Most likely, seven, following the logic of time difference between the two worlds presented in My Little Dashie (though there it had been a day in Equestria equals a year on Earth, it still had the same principles).

Seven months. My family thought I was dead for seven months. They still think I’m dead. And, if what Discord showed me was true, I didn’t have a body on Earth to go back to anymore, even if I did find a way back. After the funeral, my human body would no doubt have been cremated.

I tightened the blankets around me. What was the point of my life now? It wasn’t my life! It’s wasn’t even Scootaloo’s either. What did I have left now?

A happy memory of Scootaloo and Cadance flying, Scootlaoo on Cadance’s back played through my mind and I shook my head, ignoring the happy feelings in my heart from that memory.

It wasn’t my happiness and it wasn’t my memory.

What was the point of my existence? I’m not me and I’m not Scootaloo. So what am I? What point is there in my going on?

I sit up and turn to the bathroom.

Maybe I could drown myself and this would all be just a bad dream.

I give a weak smile. A bad dream. I wish I could believe that. At the very least, I’d be freed from this torture Discord had thrust upon me.

I struggle to get up and flop on the floor. Scootaloo’s memories help me figure out walking and I head for the bathroom, ignoring all the happy memories playing out in my mind, no doubt my survival instincts trying to stop me from killing myself.

I ignore them. They weren’t making it harder to do this. They were just reinforcing my decision to do so. These weren’t my memories. This isn’t my body. Cadance isn’t my mother. This is not my world!

I go up to the sink and fill it with water. I can make it look like an accident. That way, none will feel responsible.

I was about to plunge my head into the water, when something flickered out the corner of my eye.

I looked up to the mirror. All I saw was Scootaloo’s face staring back at me, looking miserable and ready for death.

I decided I’d just imagined it. I get ready to plunge my head yet again, when a voice shouts, “Halt, Scootaloo!” and Princess Luna’s face appears in the mirror.

I hit my head on the floor, the exact same spot Discord hit me with that frying pan and the pain returns, reminding me just how much it hurts to get whacked in the back of the head.

I look up as Princess Luna seems to phase through the mirror and gently lands in front of me.

I scowl. “I’m not Scootaloo. I’m not one of yours or your sister’s subjects, so just leave me alone and let me die in peace.”

The lunar princess just looks down at me with pity and... scorn?

“You think there is no point to your life?” she asked, in an almost sarcastic tone, if I didn’t know Luna better from the show.

I snort. “Of course there isn't. I’m not Scootaloo and I’m not me either. What good would it do for something like me to continue existing?”

Luna raised an eyebrow slightly at the word “something”. “You think all problems will be solved with your death?”

I nodded. “What good would my continued existence do in this world?”

Luna shook her head. “Have you considered how others would feel at your passing?”

My scowl turned into something far darker. I don’t know what that would be called, but it became it. “I’ve seen what my passing has done. I saw my family as they mourned my death.”

“One of them, yes.”

I blinked, before I realized what she was implying.

“Those ponies aren’t my family, Luna,” I retort, saying her last name like an insult. “Scootaloo’s already dead.”

Luna shook her head slightly. “Not to them, she isn’t.”

I blinked, my dark look turning into a simple frown. “What do you mean?”

“Do you wish to see what will truly happen if you end your life here and now?” she asked and I narrowed my eyes.

“You couldn’t show me that unless I was—”

There was a flash of blue light and the world went black.

_____________________________________________________________________

When sight returned to me I was standing in a black, star-filled void, with Luna standing next to me.

I scowl at her. “I take it this is the dream realm, where you visit other ponies’ dream?”

She nodded. “But, as you know, I can also use it to show the future of one’s actions before they play out.”

I roll my eyes. “Fine. Let’s just get this over with so I can kill myself and be free from this accursed life I’ve had thrust upon me.”

Luna nodded and turned to face ahead of us. “First, the first reaction you death would have on this world.”

Her horn glowed and we were standing in the hospital room I’d been in seconds ago.

The door silently opened and Cadance walked in slowly.

“Scootaloo?” she said, her voice soft. “Honey, are you awake?”

She noticed the bed was unoccupied.

“Scootaloo?” she asked, glancing around.

She noticed the bathroom door slightly open. She walked towards in, clearly with the intent to close it, when she noticed a trickle of water coming through the open crack.

“Scootaloo?” she called again, a small giggle entering her voice. “Did you have an accident in there?”

However, when she got no reply, the smile on her face vanished.

“Scootaloo?”

She pushed the door open and her eyes went wide with horror as she saw Scootaloo’s face buried in the water, her body slumped, her wings hanging limp.

“SCOOTALOO!”

Her horn glowed, her aura enveloping Scootaloo and pulling the filly to her and she held the Pegasus in her forehooves.

The orange Pegasus lay limply in her forelimbs, not moving, not breathing.

“No,” Cadance whispered, tears welling in her eyes. “Scootaloo? Honey? Please! Please, open your eyes! Breathe! Breathe!”

The filly did not respond.

The wail that erupted from Cadance was full or remorse, grief and hopelessness beyond anything imaginable.

Hoofsteps were heard and the mane six and Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom rushed in and hurried over to her, only to freeze when they saw Scootaloo lying limp in Cadance’s grip.

Fluttershy and the fillies burst into uncontrollable tears, Applejack and Rarity started, horrified, Twilight had tears streaming down her muzzle, Pinkie Pie’s mane and tail went flat and she started crying and Rainbow Dash just stared, seeming numb to the world as all her focus was on the limp form in front of her.



I turned to Luna, glaring. “I-if you’re trying to make me feel guilty about this, it won’t work,” I said, then looked away and wiped my eyes on a forehoof.

True, this hadn’t changed my plans, I still had every intention of stopping this madness, but seeing those ponies like that... you’d have to be heartless not to feel saddened by it.

Luna nodded, though something about her expression told me she didn’t believe me. “Let us see what else will enfold from these event, shall we not?”

Before I could answer, her horn glowed and we were pulled into the dream realm of future sight again.



Princess Celestia knocked on Cadance’s bedchamber. “Cadance, please, come out?” she almost begged. “It has been months and you’ve barely eaten anything or spoken to your subjects since the funeral.”

She was only met with silence.

There... wasn’t even any sobbing, not even the most quiet of sobbing.

“Cadance?” Celestia asked, her tone now filled with fear.

She pushed the doors open with her magic—

Celestia screamed in horror at the sight before her.

Cadance lay on her bed, a dagger through her heart.The blood had long dried, but the bed was stained with it.

On the floor, Celestia saw a note, stained with droplets of blood.

She levitated it with her magic and read:


To any who find this,

I do not wish to live on. My daughter is gone, my husband blames himself and I feel the blame is all mine. If I had only cared for her better, maybe she would still be here with us.

Farewell, Equestria. May I find peace with my daughter in the next life.


Celestia dropped the note, her cheeks stained with tears.

She walked over to her deceased niece and wrapped her forelimbs around her corpse.

“Why, Cadance? Why?”



Luna ended the vision as I stood, my body shaking.

“S-s-so much blood,” I whispered, feeling my face turning green. “C-Cadance... killed herself?”

Luna nodded solemnly. “The loss of a child is a far greater pain than you can imagine. As the letter says, Shining Amour blamed himself for Scootaloo’s death, while Cadance felt it was all her own doing and ended her life in an attempt to both repay for her failings and to be reunited with her child.”

I gulped, finding it very hard to breathe suddenly. “That— That’s horrible.”

Luna nodded. “Indeed. Though Cadance and Shining Armour are not the full extent of this.”

Before I could beg her not to, her horn glowed once more.


The throne room of the Friendship Castle was a mess with bottles of cider and other trash.

Twilight sat on her throne, her eyes red and bleary.

She looked down at the photo of herself, Cadance and her niece.

“What happened?” she whispered, her voice sounding like nails on a chalkboard. “How did it all go so wrong?”

Flashes of the last few months played out.


Rarity laying in the middle of her shop, not a single new dress in sight as she sobbed and wailed, Sweetie Belle’s form held within her forelegs, a pair of scisors clearly visible through her back.

Applejack staring blearily down at the form of Apple Bloom laying in a creek, her bow long washed away by the current.


Rainbow Dash charging into a thunder cloud no Pegasus could possibly go into and come back alive.


Pinkie Pie in her room at Sugarcube Corner, hanging from a noose, Gummy just staring at her, the slightest tears rolling from his eyes.


Fluttershy sitting in front of a pack of Timber Wolves in the Everfree Forest, a blank expression on her face.


Twilight lit her horn, then sucked the magic back in through it.

“What point is there?” she asked, her whole body glowing with lavender light—



“STOP!” I screamed, falling to the floor, sobbing, my hooves over my eyes. “No more! Please, Luna, I’m begging you, no more!”

I sobbed uncontrollably, my body shaking, being racked by ever sob.

I felt a soft hoof touch my mane and looked up with red puffy eyes and tear-stained face at Luna’s sad, apologetic expression.

“Y-y-you kn-kn-know Sc-Sc-Scootaloo’s still in here,” I manage, my voice jumping with each sob. “N-n-n-n-no ch-ch-child sh-sh-should ha-have t-to see that.”

Luna nodded and pulled me into a hug, which I accepted.

“I am sorry,” she whispered, stroking my mane. “I know that was horrible to see, but you need to know that will all happen if you go through with killing yourself.”

I look up at her, sniffing as I stare into her blue eyes. “”Y-you planned t-to—” sniff, sniff— “gu-guilt me into living?”

Luna shook her head, then pulled me closer so I was looking into her fur. “No, Scootlaoo. I was showing you that because I wanted to show you you are loved. So deeply loved, by your mother, Twilight, her friends and all your friends.”

I sniffle again. “B-but I’m n-not Scootal-l-loo. C-Cadance isn’t my mum. T-Twilight and the others aren’t’ my friends.”

Luna just tightened her grip on me. “No, Scootaloo. They are. This may not be what you wanted, but this is your life. While how Discord gave it to you I cannot condone, he did not mean any harm by it. He wanted to make his friends happy and did not mean for you to lose your old life. But know that, in this life, you are not alone. Your have friends, you have family and you have a mother who loves you will all her heart.”

I look up at her, my eyes still pouring with tears. “But... what if she hates me when she finds out the truth?”

Luna smiled softly. “What truth? True, you have memories of a life from another world, but does that make her any less your mother? She gave birth to you, Scootaloo. You are the result of hers and Lightning Star’s love for each other. Though they’re time together was cut short, yours has been extended. That is a wonderful gift, Scootaloo. Do not waste it.”

The dream realm started to fade away.

_____________________________________________________________________

When the bathroom came back as I opened my eyes, Luna was still holding me like she had in the dream realm.

The sound of fast hoofsteps came and the sound of the door to the hospital room opening could be heard.

“Scootaloo?” Cadance’s voice called with worry, no doubt seeing I wasn’t in the bed.

“In here,” Luna called softly.

The door was half closed, but was pushed open quickly to reveal all the mane six, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle and Cadance, who’s eyes were wide with worry.

“Luna?” Twilight looked the lunar pricness, confused. “Why’re you here?”

“Just doing my duty, Twilight Sparkle,” she replied, letting me go. “I was helping young Scootaloo remember something very important.”

I stared at Cadance, who looked at me with her large, lavender-violet eyes.

A feeling billowed in my heart and filled my chest and I ran to her and hugged her tightly!

“Mum!” I cried into her fur, sobbing once more. “Mum, I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

Cadance just wrapped her forehooves and wings around me and held me close, her own tears lightly dripping into my mane

“It’s okay,” she said, sounding close to sobbing herself. “It’s okay, sweetie. Mommy loves you, remember? I love you with all my heart.”

We just sat there, holding each other, her allowing me to cry into her fur, not once stopping me.