//------------------------------//
// 5: When Opportunity Knocks Your House Down 
// Story: An Equestrian Princess in New York 
// by Tallinu 
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	5: When Opportunity Knocks Your House Down

“So you want to not only inform our world of the potential for anything from magical monsters to lost foals and misplaced terrain dropping into our laps unexpectedly for the foreseeable future, you also want to open up interdimensional trade of technology and magic, combine the research efforts of both worlds, and basically turn much of what we know about the cosmos on its head.” I had recovered from my latest shock, and summarized the cause of it to make sure I understood it clearly.
Twilight Sparkle nodded. “Isn’t it exciting?” She was still wearing that eager smile, and I groaned.
“Hooo, boy. Yeah, the government is not going to be happy about this. Heck, plenty of scientists won’t be, not to mention the average Joe.”
“Scientists? But this is the opportunity of a lifetime!”
“Yeah, and I bet it’s going to upset quite a few where you’re from, too. Or are you telling me you’ve never run into the sort who cares more for his own pet theories and ‘proving’ that the world works the way he thinks it should than for discovering actual truth, even if it means he’s wrong?”
The lavender princess grimaced as I went on.
“And the governments here, a lot of the bureaucrats and politicians are the same way. They have their agendas, they have the niches they’ve carved out for themselves, and they don’t want anything to upset the status quo. They’d rather you quietly disappear than shake things up, not that they’d admit it. Finding one who’d help you out would be like a needle in a haystack, unless we could get help from someone who knows the current politics. Maybe some reporters could get us that kind of info. Actually...”
I got up and went to the window, frowning at the city thoughtfully. “I’m thinking your best chance of not having your presence here covered up or passed off as a hoax might be to go straight to the press. Get as much publicity as possible, demonstrate what you can do, and convince as many people as you can that you’re for real. Then it’s just a question of getting them to trust you, to believe what you say... It might take a bit of a dog and pony show — er, no offense intended...”
Twilight laughed at the expression’s literal meaning, though. “None taken. I’m not unfamiliar with fancy ceremony, and while I don’t like showing off for no reason, I can make an exception for a good cause.”
“It might take a lot of effort from your side, to be honest. Demonstrations of goodwill, visits to your world… Getting some human camera crews documenting life in the ‘Real Equestria’ might be the best publicity you could ask for.”
“But whatever you do…” I turned to her and knelt down in front of the couch, taking a hoof in my hands. “Do not suggest changing humans into ponies, or anything else. Even if it would save lives. Even if it was reversible. If anyone asks if you will, or requests that you do, deny it. Possible or not.”
She was utterly baffled, but my forceful insistence had her speechless for a few seconds, and she finally nodded. “I hadn’t considered such a thing at all… But why? If it could be done, what would be the problem, whether someone was dying or just curious?”
I grimaced, not liking this necessity either. “There’s a fairly well-known story setting in fanfiction. Equestria gains access to Earth, and a xenophobic Celestia — I know, just listen.” I’d raised a hand to forestall the beginning of a protest. “Seeing humanity’s warlike, ‘disharmonious’ nature, she begins offering a miracle cure to the crippled, diseased, dying, and dissatisfied. It transforms them into healthy ponies in their prime, but those who take it are changed more than just physically. They begin to abandon their old lives and loved ones and flock to Equestria’s banner, doing all they can to convince others to ‘convert’. Eventually the altruistic mask comes off, and the Equestrians start converting humans by force. The converts are eventually used as cannon-fodder in what is effectively a war of annihilation.”
Twilight was horrified. “That’s… insane! Why would anyone contemplate something so terrible, even in fiction?”
“Perhaps because we’ve had… similar atrocities in reality.” I grimaced and cleared my throat. It was hard enough for parents to discuss the second world war with their children. I really was not looking forward to having a chat about the Holocaust with Princess Twilight Sparkle of Equestria, and it would be hard enough even if I wasn’t choking on the words.


*****


I’m going to skip that conversation and its aftermath, because I’m really not comfortable talking about how I made Twilight Sparkle cry, nor do I wish to describe that event in any kind of detail. Suffice it to say that near the end, hugs were involved, and milk and cookies were brought out. (Chocolate chip and sugar cookies.) Well, I’ll also say that Wikipedia was a great help, even if I did have to read everything off my laptop’s screen so it would get translated for her.
We needed to get down to some serious planning, though. I was impressed by how quickly she set aside the emotional reaction to the previous topic once we agreed on that necessity. ‘Serious Twilight’ with a milk moustache and cookie crumbs is not a picture I’ll easily forget. I tried to hide my amusement, but she caught on and chuckled with me before licking her lips clean.
I was still thinking about how much she stood out and was trying to come up with a way to get us from place to place without attracting attention. My apartment wasn’t guaranteed to be safe, and the longer we waited before relocating, the worse the risk would be.
“So, would it be possible for you to use some kind of illusion to make yourself look human?”
“That could be problematic. I’d still be an alicorn. People would bump into parts of me, and I wouldn’t fit into smaller spaces the way you can. But I can do one better than that! I’ve used a number of temporary transformation spells before, and I should be able to adapt one of them to give me a human form. I’ll need to see a few good examples though, and it could take some time to work out the details…”
“Time is something we don’t have in great supply, unfortunately.”
She nodded. “I know. I’m not sure how I can speed it up though.”
“What about a combination of approaches? You don’t have to be a perfect match for a human if you cover up any differences with an illusion. And I’m guessing an illusion would be a lot easier to make changes to?”
“Oh, yes! That would work splendidly. You’re right, decent illusions are much easier to adjust on the fly, like I was doing with the birds.” She giggled for a few moments at her unintended pun. It was an endearing sight. Twilight wasn’t a fake at all. I mean, what she showed the world really seemed to be her true self, not some kind of mask. I just hoped that wouldn’t get her into trouble here.
“If I concentrate on achieving the correct proportions and ignore cosmetic details I should be able to adapt a spell much more quickly and then use a glamour to make me look like a regular human female… I’ll still need a few good images to work from, both with and without the clothing you’ve all been wearing, but I’d estimate it should take no more than an hour to… Why are you blushing like that?”
“Erm. Because the best source for good images of unclothed women is…” Yeah, you guessed it. It’s what ‘the internet is for’. Twilight laughed at the silly notions I explained to her, like ‘nudity taboos’ and movie ratings that ranked violence as more acceptable than ‘adult content’. She was a little disturbed, but relieved to know that children weren’t allowed to watch more violent content without a parent. I decided not to say anything about bad parents or clever kids.
I did manage to get over my embarrassment enough to help her use my laptop to find useful pictures. She needed a good look from quite a few angles, and fortunately she had a very professional, even clinical, attitude about it. Beachwear photos were quite helpful too, and easier on my sensibilities. I also looked up a range of clothing options, from casual outfits to formal gowns and business attire.
Once she was satisfied I left her pondering her spell in my bedroom, where I wouldn’t distract her, and took my phone to make a few calls. I had contacts related to my work for the magazine, and I hoped I could network my way to people who could help get us out of this mess. Twilight and I needed a place to stay, and whenever someone got around to figuring out who I was, any transactions I made, or had made, could give away our location. I needed to take out a fair amount of cash. I just hoped we wouldn’t have to hide for long.
I poked my head in, and watched the Princess concentrating on doing who knows what with her magic — nothing I could see, at least, but her horn was glowing and she was staring into space.
“Twilight?” I spoke softly, trying not to startle her.
“Hmmm…?” She didn’t stop what she was doing or look at me.
“I need to run a quick errand. I should be back in half an hour or so.”
“Okay.” At least she sounded like she’d understood me.
“When I get back I’ll let you know it’s me as soon as I’m in the door. If anyone else gets in, you might want to… I don’t know, if you have a way to disable someone or put them to sleep, that would be great.”
“Got it.” I turned away, leaving her to her work, but she called after me. “What’s the errand?”
“We’ll probably need money, and most of mine is in the bank. I’m going to get a lot of it out as cash so nobody can trace us when I pay for things. Oh, is there anything you need? I could stop at a grocery.”
“Big veggie sandwich?”
“Hmm. Well, if you can get that disguise working while I’m gone, I could take you out to eat. There’s a great sandwich place not far away. And you’re welcome to raid the fridge and the cupboards for snacks. I have some granola bars, at least, and the other drinks I mentioned. There’s yogurt, too.”
“Alright, I’ll do that, and see what you have in the way of nonperishables to bring along… I should be done with this soon, it’s turning out to be easier than I expected to reconfigure one of these spells.”
“That’s good news. Alright, see you soon.”