Gilda and I were bound for two days. My arms had lost all feeling beyond a cold numbness, and my entire body was stiff and sore from being in the same uncomfortable position. I couldn't imagine Gilda being any better off, aside from having fur and feathers as a barrier between her skin and the rope. I was sure my wrists looked like my neck by now, but in the pitch black of the night I wouldn't be able to tell if they were right in my face.
I had stopped struggling the day prior, taken instead to sitting in silence and idly picking at the fibers of the rope that bound me, just trying to keep myself somewhat occupied so I wouldn't go mad. My movements became sluggish and uncoordinated as I lost feeling in my hands, so I had given up that particular pastime. Not that I really minded, I expected to be dead within another day or two.
That was one of the reasons I hadn't gone completely suicidal in my first month in Equestria. With the freezing Winters, cockatri, timberwolves, manticores, and God knows what else out there, I was certain I'd be dead before long. There had been no point to ending my own life when there were so many creatures who would be happy to do it for me. That I'd lasted three years was a miracle. An unwanted miracle from what I'm now certain was a vengeful, malevolent god, but a miracle nonetheless.
...Was there ever a god at all? I couldn't be sure. Either I was beyond my own deity's reach, it hadn't gotten tired of my misery yet, or I was well and truly alone here. I hadn't had much time to think of anything beyond my next meal in my cave. Now I was starting to miss the simplicity. The last three years had irreparably damaged me, and now that I sat and actually thought for the first time in I don't know how long, I knew there would be no going back to who I used to be.
Part of why I still found suicide so appealing, I suppose.
I heard more than felt the ropes shifting as Gilda moved. I heard her grumble, before starting to thrash about, much as she had before she fell asleep. I was sure the sharp tugs would be agony on my arms if I could feel them. Life did have it's mercies, I suppose.
"LET US OUT OF HERE YOU ASSHOLES!" I was somewhat surprised at her use of 'us' over 'me'. I hardly knew her, and we met on worse-than-awful terms. Why would she be including me in this? I winced slightly as a particularly sharp tug sent a stab of pain through my shoulder. I was sure it had been dislocated earlier by similar thrashings, and aside from the numbness from the biceps down, this was the most feeling I had. Gilda continued, thrashing and trying to claw at her ropes. Another tug. Another jolt of pain.
I growled and turned my head slightly to look over my shoulder. "Would you cut it out? You're not getting out of here." I closed my eyes, hoping she would take the advice and calm down so I could sleep.
Of course, no such luck. "So you're a quitter, huh?" The scorn in Gilda's words would've stung, I'm sure, if I had the energy to care. "You can stay here and rot if you want, but I'm getting out of here." The struggles continued. I sighed.
-----
Gilda was not having a good night. Her spine was aching from being in the unnatural position for so long, and the rope was ruining her feathers. Already they were askew, several bent irreparably and others dangerously close to being plucked out by the harsh fibers. Her stomach was cramping horribly from hunger, and the strange monkey tied with her was on her last nerve with his whining.
"Would you cut it out? You're not getting out of here." Speak of the devil... Gilda clenched her talons and growled.
"So you're a quitter, huh?" She'd had just about enough of Jason's moaning. "You can stay here and rot if you want, but I'm getting out of here." Gilda lurched and pulled at the ropes, deliberately jostling Jason's own bindings. All she had to do was stretch so one of her claws could get at the rope...She grunted with the effort, the ropes biting painfully into her wrists. Almost there...
Scritch. The sound of a razor-sharp claw sawing through rope was barely audible in the small tent, but it might as well have been a victory-screech for the griffon. A faint smirk wormed it's way onto her beak, and she continued to claw at the binding. Scritch, scritch, scritch. With every pass, she came one step closer to freedom.
And freedom for the pessimistic monkey sitting behind her. He may have been annoying, but he didn't smell like a dog and he wasn't a pony. That left him as the best company in the camp.
Gilda promised herself to think about where her life turned wrong enough for that to happen.
Scritch scritch scri-SNAP! The ropes fell slack against the two and Gilda immediately stood, shaking the kinks out of her sore body. She looked over to Jason, and scowled.
"ZzzzzzzzZzzzzzz..."
Walking over to the monkey's side, she lifted a talon and swatted the back of his head. Jason jumped up with a yelp, a bluish deeply marked arm reaching up to his head. Gilda lost it at his petulant glare. "BAHAHAHAHAHA!" She sat on her haunches, one talon reaching up to hold her belly. "Ohoh, your face...Priceless."
Jason's scowl deepened. "Yep...you definitely know Rainbow." Using the pole as support, he slowly worked his way to an upright position. His legs were shaky and unsteady, but he was standing.
Gilda immediately stopped laughing, her face falling into a sore grimace. "Knew. Let's get out of here." Without another word, she turned and walked off.
-----
I watched Gilda leave, her tail flicking in irritation. I should've known better than to throw that in her face, but I couldn't find it in myself to feel too bad about it. She may have been the best company I had, but she was still...abraisive. I sighed and stumbled after her, my legs numb and unsteady and my arms not much better. At least my left arm moved, though. My right hung limply at my side, almost completely immobile. My suspicions were confirmed: Dislocated.
That would be a bitch to fix alone, if I even could. For a brief moment, I wondered if Gilda would be able to help. Pushing the thought aside with a scoff, I shook my head. The real issue is her being willing to help.
"Hey, monkey-boy! Are you coming or what?" The call sounded like a siren over the calm stillness of the night, causing me to freeze. My eyes widened, and I gestured wildly with my working arm.
"Shhh! You'll wake them!" I hissed, whispering as loudly as I dared. Combined with my throat, it wasn't very loud. Nonetheless, Gilda must've heard me. I could barely make her out in the darkness, but I was certain her eyes were rolling.
Bitch.
I gave a silent huff and followed, slowly gaining more stability in my hobble as circulation was restored to my extremities. The air was cold, a chill biting into my bare skin. At this point it hardly phased me, so I pressed on.
Even though I really don't want to.
I pushed the thought from my mind. Now was NOT the time to start thinking like that. I could kill myself all I wanted when I got out of...wherever I was. The edge of the camp was in sight, and in mere seconds I had passed the last tent. "C'mon, Monkey-Boy. We're outta here." My head shot up at Gilda's voice breaking the tense silence, and looked, really looked at my situation.
I was free. No ponies, no cave, no torment, nothing but me and—
The smile that had started to form on my face dropped.
Gilda. Where did she fit in? I still wasn't sure if she was a friend or foe. She'd attacked me for practically no reason! Sure she'd freed me later, but that was just a bonus of her freeing herself.
Then again, she DID wait for me... Maybe she wasn't all bad? Times seemed tough for the camp, and they clearly weren't the type to forgive easily. The nicest had been the zebra, and she still made hitting me on the head with a big stick her favorite pastime. But she also healed me...
I growled to myself, shaking my head. Why was everything so damn complicated?! My frustration must've been more audible than I expected, because the sound of something landing heavily on the ground beside me jolted me out of my brooding. "What's eating you?"
I shook my head. "Nothing you need to be concerned about, Gilda. Personal issues." I would've been content to let it drop, but knowing Gilda, she would keep pestering—
"Nono, I just saved your sorry ass. You don't get to blow me off." She stepped in front of me, blocking my path with an annoyed glare.
I fucking called it.
I sighed and flopped my arms exasperatedly. "Fine! What do you want to know? I'm a goddamn open book, Gilda, please, I am really in the fucking mood for your bullshit!" I took a step forward, but Gilda stood her ground. I wasn't exactly used to that, being used to far more skittish ponies, so I was stuck almost brushing against the bristling griffon. "In the last three years I have been rained on, spat on, struck by lightning, starved, mauled, kicked, thrown, and shunned from every fucking pony I asked for help! I lived in a cave, ate out of garbage-cans, and just a month ago I'd FINALLY had enough!" I was almost screaming, my teeth bared and body shaking. "I couldn't take it anymore. So I took some rope from some farm-hick and hanged myself in the Everfree. But ponies ruined that for me too. By all rights, I should be dead. I WANT to be dead. I wish I'd never come to this fucking world at all! There isn't a single thing here worth living for!"
There was silence for several seconds as Gilda continued glaring at me. Finally, never breaking eye-contact, she raised a foreleg and placed a single talon at my throat. "You want to die?" I stared back. Continuing, she narrowed her eyes. "If you're going to be a coward, at least let me do it for you." She shoved me on the ground, pinning me in place with a paw. "You think you're so fucking special, like you're the only one having a rough time. If you really want to die, then lay there." She turned and continued walking away, legs stomping into the dewy grass. "Fucking dweeb..."
I must've sat there for twenty seconds, my mind trying to catch up. Looking in the direction Gilda walked off in, I gave a deep, frustrated sigh. I lurched to my feet and followed, grumbling all the while. Why do I put up with this?
Oh...right. She's all I've really got.